Author Topic: Hope I’m doing this right  (Read 9401 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Zombo Funk

  • LVL 1
  • Hall of Fame Conductor
  • Quitter
  • ***
  • Posts: 2,057
    • HOF Speech
  • Quit Date: April 29, 2020
  • Likes Given: 345
Re: Hope I’m doing this right
« Reply #49 on: August 06, 2021, 06:49:36 PM »
Fighting through a kidney stone right now. Maybe a blessing and a curse. Curse because I’ve got these shit withdrawal feelings compounded with the feeling that my kidney is trying to claw its way out of me. A blessing because sometimes it’s so painful I’m almost distracted from everything else. Also seems that the pain relievers might be killing to birds at once.


Kidney stone + nicotine  = 2 problems

Stay the course, man! You got it. And you're exactly right. 1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems.

Offline grizzlyquittergreen

  • Hall of Fame Conductor
  • Quitter
  • ***
  • Posts: 232
  • Quit Date: 8-3-2021
  • Likes Given: 41
Re: Hope I’m doing this right
« Reply #48 on: August 06, 2021, 06:33:56 PM »
Fighting through a kidney stone right now. Maybe a blessing and a curse. Curse because I’ve got these shit withdrawal feelings compounded with the feeling that my kidney is trying to claw its way out of me. A blessing because sometimes it’s so painful I’m almost distracted from everything else. Also seems that the pain relievers might be killing to birds at once.


Kidney stone + nicotine  = 2 problems


Online Thefranks5

  • Hall of Fame Conductor
  • Quit Pro
  • ***
  • Posts: 6,320
  • Quit Date: 3/5/2020
  • Interests: Praising the Lord,tractor pulling for sure, anything to do with farming, hunting and soccer.
  • Likes Given: 220
Re: Hope I’m doing this right
« Reply #47 on: August 05, 2021, 07:33:48 AM »
What happened?

Hard to really remember what happened it was so long ago. I’m sure I just got tired of the shit feeling and caved. It was definitely the easy way out.

Why did it happen?

I don’t think I thought I was done dipping yet at the time. I knew I shouldn’t, I knew other people thought I shouldn’t. And I think I convinced myself that I really wanted to quit, but inside I was fine with dipping for the rest of my life at the time.

What are you going to do differently this time?

This time I’m gonna take it more seriously. Definitely best to avoid some triggers for awhile, ie fishing and drinking. I’m gonna give it at least a month before I crack open a beer. Also just straight up avoid going into gas station for awhile, pay at the pump.

Your response to question 1 tells me that you didn't take the last quit seriously at all.  Why would you know what happened when caving was so easy and forgettable.  You lacked the effort to quit.

Your response to question 2 is standard retread talk.  You were ready to post roll for a few days but not ready to quit.  Now 6 years have gone by.

Your response to question 3 makes me question your commitment.  Do you think you will be cured in a month by passing on fishing, beer, and convenience stores?

The path to quit is to take it one day at a time and quit every damn day.
@grizzlyquittergreen I am with stranger on this one. Dude, you just don’t seem like your ready to quit and those are excuses I gave for 30 plus years. You need to make this decision and stick to it ONE DAY AT A TIME!!! I am at day 519 today and I finally am getting to where I am feeling darn good. I still have issues to tend to and praying that it is the big cause of all my issues. Crappy feeling everyday since quitting is normal until things are fixed. Go read my intro dude and you will see what I have dealt with. Some people will support you and some won’t, get used to it. You will have daily triggers that will test you and that is what you will fight with the most.  Others have dealt with more and have lost their life because of tobacco. I am an addict just like you and if I can save one person then how many more can be saved. Quit with you today my friend and my digits are a pm away.

Offline Stranger999

  • Hall of Fame Conductor
  • Master of Quit
  • ***
  • Posts: 29,801
  • Quit Date: 09/05/2015
  • Interests: Taking that first breath every morning before I post roll again.... Family, Philadelphia Eagles football, music, computers, solving puzzles of all sorts
  • Likes Given: 244
Re: Hope I’m doing this right
« Reply #46 on: August 05, 2021, 12:13:50 AM »
What happened?

Hard to really remember what happened it was so long ago. I’m sure I just got tired of the shit feeling and caved. It was definitely the easy way out.

Why did it happen?

I don’t think I thought I was done dipping yet at the time. I knew I shouldn’t, I knew other people thought I shouldn’t. And I think I convinced myself that I really wanted to quit, but inside I was fine with dipping for the rest of my life at the time.

What are you going to do differently this time?

This time I’m gonna take it more seriously. Definitely best to avoid some triggers for awhile, ie fishing and drinking. I’m gonna give it at least a month before I crack open a beer. Also just straight up avoid going into gas station for awhile, pay at the pump.

Your response to question 1 tells me that you didn't take the last quit seriously at all.  Why would you know what happened when caving was so easy and forgettable.  You lacked the effort to quit.

Your response to question 2 is standard retread talk.  You were ready to post roll for a few days but not ready to quit.  Now 6 years have gone by.

Your response to question 3 makes me question your commitment.  Do you think you will be cured in a month by passing on fishing, beer, and convenience stores?

The path to quit is to take it one day at a time and quit every damn day.

Offline Zombo Funk

  • LVL 1
  • Hall of Fame Conductor
  • Quitter
  • ***
  • Posts: 2,057
    • HOF Speech
  • Quit Date: April 29, 2020
  • Likes Given: 345
Re: Hope I’m doing this right
« Reply #45 on: August 04, 2021, 06:49:18 PM »
To me it looks like your answers to the big 3 are the same as last time, and I mean that in a bad way since both read like someone who forgot to do their homework and are penciling it in while the teacher walks around collecting it. I guess you get credit for participation but you're coming in at #1 and #2 for worst responses I've read.

I'm happy you're back and I'm glad you're ponying up to 'quit' again, but I don't think you'll find success with that level of commitment. I'm looking forward to be proven wrong. Let me know if you want to trade digits!

Offline grizzlyquittergreen

  • Hall of Fame Conductor
  • Quitter
  • ***
  • Posts: 232
  • Quit Date: 8-3-2021
  • Likes Given: 41
Re: Hope I’m doing this right
« Reply #44 on: August 04, 2021, 11:36:29 AM »
I merged your new intro with your original one. Each member only gets one intro.

It appears you had a pretty rocky history here. Has your mindset changed? Do you realize you are an addict and have accepted that fact?

KTC is a ZERO nicotine site. Using nicotine in any form while here will result in an immediate ban.

Make your promise early every damn day and keep your word. Only you can quit for you. Be ready to be held accountable and hold others accountable.

Thanks. Yeah my mindset is different now. Big maturity difference between 20 and 27. I probably wouldn’t have liked the 20 yr old version of myself.

Offline MN_Engineer

  • QLAMF ODAAT
  • Administrator
  • Master of Quit
  • *****
  • Posts: 28,365
  • Aug '16 Trauma-Tizers
  • Quit Date: 04-25-2016
  • Interests: All things Mopar, Rick and Morty fan, MN Twins for life!
  • Likes Given: 4368
Re: Hope I’m doing this right
« Reply #43 on: August 04, 2021, 10:58:20 AM »
I merged your new intro with your original one. Each member only gets one intro.

It appears you had a pretty rocky history here. Has your mindset changed? Do you realize you are an addict and have accepted that fact?

KTC is a ZERO nicotine site. Using nicotine in any form while here will result in an immediate ban.

Make your promise early every damn day and keep your word. Only you can quit for you. Be ready to be held accountable and hold others accountable.
Quit: 04.25.16 | HOF: 08.02.16 | 2nd FL: 11.10.16 | 3rd FL: 02.18.17 | 4th FL: 05.29.17 | 5th FL: 09.06.17 | 6th FL: 12.15.17 | 7th FL: 03.25.18 |
8th FL: 07.03.18 | 9th FL: 10.11.18 | Comma: 01.19.19 | 11th FL: 04.29.19 | 12th FL: 08.07.19 | 13th FL: 11.15.19 | 14th FL: 02.23.20 |
15th FL: 06.02.20 | 16th FL: 09.10.20 | 17th FL: 12.19.20 | 18th FL: 03.29.21 | 19th FL: 07.07.21 | Comma 2x: 10.15.21 | 21st FL: 01.23.22 |
22nd FL: 05.03.22 | 23rd FL: 08.11.22 | 24th FL: 11.19.22 | 25th FL: 02.27.23 | 26th FL: 06.07.23 | 27th FL: 09.15.23 | 28th FL: 12.24.23 |
29th FL: 04.02.24 |

"From Skoal to Skol!" My HOF Speech HERE!
"There is no victory without a battle."
"Cave = losing an argument to a dead plant in a plastic can. You are smarter than a dead plant." - Candoit
"The truth is the truth even if no one believes it, and a lie is a lie, even if everyone believes it." - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen

Feel like throwing in the towel? Sign the "Contract to Give Up" HERE
Phat Pauly - Part 1 || Phat Pauly - Part 2 || DeanTheCoot - Pencil Poop

Offline grizzlyquittergreen

  • Hall of Fame Conductor
  • Quitter
  • ***
  • Posts: 232
  • Quit Date: 8-3-2021
  • Likes Given: 41
Re: Hope I’m doing this right
« Reply #42 on: August 04, 2021, 09:37:14 AM »
What happened?

Hard to really remember what happened it was so long ago. I’m sure I just got tired of the shit feeling and caved. It was definitely the easy way out.

Why did it happen?

I don’t think I thought I was done dipping yet at the time. I knew I shouldn’t, I knew other people thought I shouldn’t. And I think I convinced myself that I really wanted to quit, but inside I was fine with dipping for the rest of my life at the time.

What are you going to do differently this time?

This time I’m gonna take it more seriously. Definitely best to avoid some triggers for awhile, ie fishing and drinking. I’m gonna give it at least a month before I crack open a beer. Also just straight up avoid going into gas station for awhile, pay at the pump.

Offline Stranger999

  • Hall of Fame Conductor
  • Master of Quit
  • ***
  • Posts: 29,801
  • Quit Date: 09/05/2015
  • Interests: Taking that first breath every morning before I post roll again.... Family, Philadelphia Eagles football, music, computers, solving puzzles of all sorts
  • Likes Given: 244
Re: Hope I’m doing this right
« Reply #41 on: August 03, 2021, 10:32:12 PM »
Hey I’m Pat. Unfortunately this isn’t my first time on KTC. I gave it a go about 7 years ago, and well that didn’t quite work out. Was much younger and much much dumber. I hope I’m doing this right with a new introduction. Couldn’t find any info on how to go about coming back and no one was online in chat. Anyways, I’ve quit today. The time was coming soon and after an eye opening trip to dentist, I’m back ready to stay quit with one less tooth than the last go around. Never really felt any previous quit attempts were for myself, but this ones for me and my body.

I know this sites got some good detectives and my previous posts will be brought up so I’ll address them now. I get it, no cigars in my future either. (Again was much younger and much dumber)

Looking forward to this,
Grizzlyquittergreen

We let cavers back in, but you need to come clean and answer the 3 questions - in your current group and all of your former groups.

What happened?

Why did it happen?

What are you going to do differently this time?


No need to rush, take your time and really think about it before you answer these questions.

It looks like you were here before I quit.

I quit with you today.  Stranger999 day 2,160


« Last Edit: August 03, 2021, 10:41:13 PM by Stranger999 »

Offline grizzlyquittergreen

  • Hall of Fame Conductor
  • Quitter
  • ***
  • Posts: 232
  • Quit Date: 8-3-2021
  • Likes Given: 41
Hope I’m doing this right
« Reply #40 on: August 03, 2021, 10:12:08 PM »
Hey I’m Pat. Unfortunately this isn’t my first time on KTC. I gave it a go about 7 years ago, and well that didn’t quite work out. Was much younger and much much dumber. I hope I’m doing this right with a new introduction. Couldn’t find any info on how to go about coming back and no one was online in chat. Anyways, I’ve quit today. The time was coming soon and after an eye opening trip to dentist, I’m back ready to stay quit with one less tooth than the last go around. Never really felt any previous quit attempts were for myself, but this ones for me and my body.

I know this sites got some good detectives and my previous posts will be brought up so I’ll address them now. I get it, no cigars in my future either. (Again was much younger and much dumber)

Looking forward to this,
Grizzlyquittergreen
« Last Edit: August 03, 2021, 10:15:20 PM by grizzlyquittergreen »

Offline Ron_Cross

  • Quitter
  • **
  • Posts: 4,088
  • I am quit
  • Quit Date: 8/30/2013
  • Interests: Started my own CPA firm!
  • Likes Given: 4
Re: introduction
« Reply #39 on: July 14, 2014, 10:19:00 PM »
Quote from: Menace
GQG,

I have zero issues if the only thing you do is post roll each day and do what you can. I do the same during the week a lot of times because of time constraint's. Nor do I hold you to your post a year ago about cigars. My consternation is the flippant way you responded to the group asking you to answer the 3 questions. You have been around enough to know that this is the way it is done and the the tone of your answers were "I'm the victim here" not like someone actually owning up to their mistakes/failures in the past.........just my read on it.....
Not convinced at all. It is going to take a lot more than a post a day based on his track record and attitude previously.... I would have been doing back flips and giving people hundreds of reasons why they should support me me after I shit all over them. What do I know though? Obviously he has this thing all figured out.

Offline Menace

  • Quitter
  • **
  • Posts: 1,958
  • Likes Given: 0
Re: introduction
« Reply #38 on: July 14, 2014, 08:55:00 PM »
GQG,

I have zero issues if the only thing you do is post roll each day and do what you can. I do the same during the week a lot of times because of time constraint's. Nor do I hold you to your post a year ago about cigars. My consternation is the flippant way you responded to the group asking you to answer the 3 questions. You have been around enough to know that this is the way it is done and the the tone of your answers were "I'm the victim here" not like someone actually owning up to their mistakes/failures in the past.........just my read on it.....
Menace

I'm a Quitter, Are You?

Offline Diesel2112

  • Quitter
  • **
  • Posts: 4,847
  • Likes Given: 1
Re: introduction
« Reply #37 on: July 14, 2014, 08:28:00 PM »
Quote from: grizzlyquittergreen
Quote from: Diesel2112
Quote from: Menace
Quote from: Diesel2112
Quote from: jeeptruck
Quote from: Menace
Quote from: Diesel2112
Quote from: Menace
Diesel, You probably hurt his feelings already, he might need his Mommy reassuring him that he is great, that he is really super. Maybe we can all chip in and get him a participation trophy for his last stoppage........ This guy didn't get it the first time and still doesn't get it now. F%king clueless! He still thinks this is a habit that he controls...........Pointless to waste valuable time on someone who does not have the desire to actually understand his addiction nor the guts put forth the effort to QUIT. Come back when you are serious about quitting!
He's hurt MY feelings by coming in here weak as fuck and shitting on everybody who tried to help him previously.

How about manning the fuck up and show some fight? Nah, instead he's just going to sit back and take it all. If me being "mean" to him chases him away, then like I said previously he really doesn't want it.

Answer the 3 questions, say your sorry, post role and make a true commitment and I will fight side by side with him.

Personally, I don't see it happening.
Agreed, man up and every fighter in this place will back you!
True. im still picking the poop from my hair
He's at least posting role. He needs to answer the 3 questions and give his reasons why he's in it to win it this time.

Should be up to his quit group to get this out of him.

Quit on...
Diesel, I agree with you, his group should hold him accountable and I have admittedly helped push the issue on the roll list. He was in my group last so I figure that gives me some juice as well to see what we can get. Well from his post which I have pasted below, it doesn't seem like much. His answers are contrite and totally self centered, like this place is a joke to him and now that is starting to piss me off. I would fight with anyone here to stay quit, even a caver. Shit we all make mistakes but I am not sure GQG gets it and if he doesn't he is a liability in my mind. Here is his reply to his group that was asking for the answers to the 3 questions:

Y'all are goddamn ridiculous. Shits 8 months old.

1. What happened
- I probably wasn't ready to quit chewing yet. Fell away from site. Continued to chew the past few months.
2. Why
- wasn't ready
- fell away from group
3. What to do differently
-Have already picked up Smokey mountain, stay more active in group when possible, take things one day at a time and if I find that too long I'll do one hour at a time.

Disregard the cigar thing. If this explanation isn't good enough for you don't bother replying or trying to get more out of me because I really don't give a damn. Leave me be to just keep posting roll and being honest with myself.

GQG
It's a start at least.

I will say that whoever drug that post out about smoking an occasional cigarette or cigar is being a little unfair as he said that nearly a year ago, yet it is being made to look like he just said it. He has since changed his stance on that, and it probably should be let go.

He's posting roll and at least recognized he lost touch with hos group and the site, which lead to his cave. Seems to be leaving himself an out by saying he will stay more active in the group..."When possible".

Hopefully his group stays on his ass.

Quit on...
First levelheaded thing said towards me. Appreciated. The "when possible" refers to work. On days I work both jobs I'm not going to have any time at all to be online except to post roll in morning and maybe for a minute late at night
Good job posting roll. Keep it going.
Quit 06/04/12
HOF 9/11/12
2nd floor 12/20/12
3rd floor 03/30/13
4th floor 07/08/13
5th floor 10/16/13
6th floor 01/24/14
7th floor 05/04/14
8th floor 08/12/14
9th floor 10/20/14
Comma 02/28/15
11th floor 06/08/15
12th floor 09/16/15
13th floor 12/25/15
14th floor 04/03/16
15th floor 7/11/16
16th floor 10/20/16
17th floor 01/27/17
18th floor 05/08/17
19th floor 08/14/17
20th floor 11/27/17
21st floor 03/11/18

"Celebrate the moment as it turns into one more"..
"You can fight without ever winning, but never ever win, win without a fight".
"Onion rings...funyons. A connection? Yeah. I fucking think so."
"Honest Abe had a fake jaw".
"In a world that seems so small, I can't stop thinking big"
"Someone set a bad example. Made surrender seem all right
The act of a noble warrior. Who lost the will to fight."

Offline grizzlyquittergreen

  • Hall of Fame Conductor
  • Quitter
  • ***
  • Posts: 232
  • Quit Date: 8-3-2021
  • Likes Given: 41
Re: introduction
« Reply #36 on: July 14, 2014, 08:21:00 PM »
Quote from: Diesel2112
Quote from: Menace
Quote from: Diesel2112
Quote from: jeeptruck
Quote from: Menace
Quote from: Diesel2112
Quote from: Menace
Diesel, You probably hurt his feelings already, he might need his Mommy reassuring him that he is great, that he is really super. Maybe we can all chip in and get him a participation trophy for his last stoppage........ This guy didn't get it the first time and still doesn't get it now. F%king clueless! He still thinks this is a habit that he controls...........Pointless to waste valuable time on someone who does not have the desire to actually understand his addiction nor the guts put forth the effort to QUIT. Come back when you are serious about quitting!
He's hurt MY feelings by coming in here weak as fuck and shitting on everybody who tried to help him previously.

How about manning the fuck up and show some fight? Nah, instead he's just going to sit back and take it all. If me being "mean" to him chases him away, then like I said previously he really doesn't want it.

Answer the 3 questions, say your sorry, post role and make a true commitment and I will fight side by side with him.

Personally, I don't see it happening.
Agreed, man up and every fighter in this place will back you!
True. im still picking the poop from my hair
He's at least posting role. He needs to answer the 3 questions and give his reasons why he's in it to win it this time.

Should be up to his quit group to get this out of him.

Quit on...
Diesel, I agree with you, his group should hold him accountable and I have admittedly helped push the issue on the roll list. He was in my group last so I figure that gives me some juice as well to see what we can get. Well from his post which I have pasted below, it doesn't seem like much. His answers are contrite and totally self centered, like this place is a joke to him and now that is starting to piss me off. I would fight with anyone here to stay quit, even a caver. Shit we all make mistakes but I am not sure GQG gets it and if he doesn't he is a liability in my mind. Here is his reply to his group that was asking for the answers to the 3 questions:

Y'all are goddamn ridiculous. Shits 8 months old.

1. What happened
- I probably wasn't ready to quit chewing yet. Fell away from site. Continued to chew the past few months.
2. Why
- wasn't ready
- fell away from group
3. What to do differently
-Have already picked up Smokey mountain, stay more active in group when possible, take things one day at a time and if I find that too long I'll do one hour at a time.

Disregard the cigar thing. If this explanation isn't good enough for you don't bother replying or trying to get more out of me because I really don't give a damn. Leave me be to just keep posting roll and being honest with myself.

GQG
It's a start at least.

I will say that whoever drug that post out about smoking an occasional cigarette or cigar is being a little unfair as he said that nearly a year ago, yet it is being made to look like he just said it. He has since changed his stance on that, and it probably should be let go.

He's posting roll and at least recognized he lost touch with hos group and the site, which lead to his cave. Seems to be leaving himself an out by saying he will stay more active in the group..."When possible".

Hopefully his group stays on his ass.

Quit on...
First levelheaded thing said towards me. Appreciated. The "when possible" refers to work. On days I work both jobs I'm not going to have any time at all to be online except to post roll in morning and maybe for a minute late at night

Offline Diesel2112

  • Quitter
  • **
  • Posts: 4,847
  • Likes Given: 1
Re: introduction
« Reply #35 on: July 14, 2014, 07:58:00 PM »
Quote from: Menace
Quote from: Diesel2112
Quote from: jeeptruck
Quote from: Menace
Quote from: Diesel2112
Quote from: Menace
Diesel, You probably hurt his feelings already, he might need his Mommy reassuring him that he is great, that he is really super. Maybe we can all chip in and get him a participation trophy for his last stoppage........ This guy didn't get it the first time and still doesn't get it now. F%king clueless! He still thinks this is a habit that he controls...........Pointless to waste valuable time on someone who does not have the desire to actually understand his addiction nor the guts put forth the effort to QUIT. Come back when you are serious about quitting!
He's hurt MY feelings by coming in here weak as fuck and shitting on everybody who tried to help him previously.

How about manning the fuck up and show some fight? Nah, instead he's just going to sit back and take it all. If me being "mean" to him chases him away, then like I said previously he really doesn't want it.

Answer the 3 questions, say your sorry, post role and make a true commitment and I will fight side by side with him.

Personally, I don't see it happening.
Agreed, man up and every fighter in this place will back you!
True. im still picking the poop from my hair
He's at least posting role. He needs to answer the 3 questions and give his reasons why he's in it to win it this time.

Should be up to his quit group to get this out of him.

Quit on...
Diesel, I agree with you, his group should hold him accountable and I have admittedly helped push the issue on the roll list. He was in my group last so I figure that gives me some juice as well to see what we can get. Well from his post which I have pasted below, it doesn't seem like much. His answers are contrite and totally self centered, like this place is a joke to him and now that is starting to piss me off. I would fight with anyone here to stay quit, even a caver. Shit we all make mistakes but I am not sure GQG gets it and if he doesn't he is a liability in my mind. Here is his reply to his group that was asking for the answers to the 3 questions:

Y'all are goddamn ridiculous. Shits 8 months old.

1. What happened
- I probably wasn't ready to quit chewing yet. Fell away from site. Continued to chew the past few months.
2. Why
- wasn't ready
- fell away from group
3. What to do differently
-Have already picked up Smokey mountain, stay more active in group when possible, take things one day at a time and if I find that too long I'll do one hour at a time.

Disregard the cigar thing. If this explanation isn't good enough for you don't bother replying or trying to get more out of me because I really don't give a damn. Leave me be to just keep posting roll and being honest with myself.

GQG
It's a start at least.

I will say that whoever drug that post out about smoking an occasional cigarette or cigar is being a little unfair as he said that nearly a year ago, yet it is being made to look like he just said it. He has since changed his stance on that, and it probably should be let go.

He's posting roll and at least recognized he lost touch with hos group and the site, which lead to his cave. Seems to be leaving himself an out by saying he will stay more active in the group..."When possible".

Hopefully his group stays on his ass.

Quit on...
Quit 06/04/12
HOF 9/11/12
2nd floor 12/20/12
3rd floor 03/30/13
4th floor 07/08/13
5th floor 10/16/13
6th floor 01/24/14
7th floor 05/04/14
8th floor 08/12/14
9th floor 10/20/14
Comma 02/28/15
11th floor 06/08/15
12th floor 09/16/15
13th floor 12/25/15
14th floor 04/03/16
15th floor 7/11/16
16th floor 10/20/16
17th floor 01/27/17
18th floor 05/08/17
19th floor 08/14/17
20th floor 11/27/17
21st floor 03/11/18

"Celebrate the moment as it turns into one more"..
"You can fight without ever winning, but never ever win, win without a fight".
"Onion rings...funyons. A connection? Yeah. I fucking think so."
"Honest Abe had a fake jaw".
"In a world that seems so small, I can't stop thinking big"
"Someone set a bad example. Made surrender seem all right
The act of a noble warrior. Who lost the will to fight."