Quitting

[Zoe'sDad]

I appreciate all the words and advice guys. I know your busy like I am and it really means alot. Thanks for taking the time.

Today, again, was a battle. I got a PM that suggested I google some mouth cancer pictures. That whipped me back to reality and out of my pity party.

I'm at the point where I don't want to keep thinking about my quit but if I don't keep thinking about my quit I will stumble. It's weird, because I don't necessarily want dip, or to feed the absence of nicotine. At this point I know better.

But I do feel like something is missing.... I think the problem is I had this major part of my life, something I thought about constantly, and arranged my life to feed. It was something to do while doing other things. Yes, I've addressed the oral fixation with gum, mints, fireballs, food, fake stuff, whatever. But that's not really the crave. The crave is not really for nicotine, (so I think) but it is for something. I just don't know what....

[DjPorkchop]

Day 67 - I sure do whine alot and feel sorry for myself. I'm gonna go see if I can find my sack and own my quit like I should.

Might I suggest chopping some firewood? From emotional distress to not knowing what to do with all these damn trees, there's no problem man has yet faced that hasn't been solved by chopping firewood.

It fucking sucks man. Plain and simple. It does get easier / better. I'm not even going to lie to you here so I'll just cut to the chase. I quit smoking 3+ packs of cigs per day back in 2002 ... I think. I have actually lost track of time. To this every day, I get blind sided with a crave for a cig or a cigar. ESPECIALLY cigars. To me smoking is the most repulsive smell on the face of the Earth right along side nasty ass dip. So how could it be I hate it so much but get craves? The nic bitch my friend!

Gave up dip 305 days ago. To this every day I get blind sided by random craves. I hate the shit. It costs me to much money, takes up my time traveling to stores to buy it, makes my lips stick out like a monkey, and makes it so my wife won't even think of kissing me, but yet on that occasion, WHAM!!! I gotta have me some of that feeling takes over even if just for a brief moment. Why? It's that dirty nic bitch back in action!

We created this mess, we have to live with it. An addict is an addict no matter what. Toss a bump of cola in front of me and start listening for reasons why I need it and the look on my face. It will be fucking comical. And no, have not done it in over 11 years. It's the addict in me at it's finest.

It gets better man. Never let the old bitch get you to the point of ah fuck it! It's just not worth it. You know this and we all know this. We have the tools we need to succeed together.

I quit with you EDD man.

Ray - 305

[pky1520]

Day 67 - I sure do whine alot and feel sorry for myself. I'm gonna go see if I can find my sack and own my quit like I should.

Might I suggest chopping some firewood? From emotional distress to not knowing what to do with all these damn trees, there's no problem man has yet faced that hasn't been solved by chopping firewood.

[Zoe'sDad]

Day 67 - I sure do whine alot and feel sorry for myself. I'm gonna go see if I can find my sack and own my quit like I should.

[eric71]

Well I'm an addict, that's for sure... How else can I be quit from a substance for 61 fucking days and still think about it and want it? I decided to get on here and read some intro's, read some folk's milestones, and try to encourage some folks just starting out on their journey. I'm mad that I still want dip. Will I ever be totally free? This blows. And as I type this I sound like a whiny bitch. I'll sack up and own my quit now.

Is this a game? Do I really miss stuffing the cancer in my face? My sweet daughter needs a father in her life. I want to grow old and see her sweet children and bounce them on my knee and spoil them. Why would I risk losing it all by flirting with the cancer that comes with dip? And I don't even like nicotine. I hate the system of slavery where I must feed nicotine to avoid missing nicotine. Without any satisfaction beyond feeding the crave. It costs too much money, I can use fake stuff, and it messes with my relationship with my wife, my health, and my professional demeanor and relationships.

I may not like the fake stuff, and stress may come that makes me think I want dip but I gotta remember: 1 problem + dip = 2 problems. I will recall the learning earlier about the steps of a relapse:
Mental
Emotional
Physical

I believe I gave into the Mental relapse yesterday and today. Bargaining and justifying was fully commenced. Luckily I didn't give in Emotionally or Physically. I will rebuild my walls and be a fortress of quit. One Day at A Time. I need to stop thinking long term. Just focus on the minute, the second, and keep my promise. The hour, the day. And worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

Glad to have you back on board and doing a brain dump! Don't hesitate to text if you're struggling and need a kick in the ass.

It subsides with time. Just like anything else in life, we grow attached to things of all kinds. Grow attached to your freedom from slavery to the can. False promises of satisfaction are all it can provide. I quit with you today.

[pky1520]

Well I'm an addict, that's for sure... How else can I be quit from a substance for 61 fucking days and still think about it and want it? I decided to get on here and read some intro's, read some folk's milestones, and try to encourage some folks just starting out on their journey. I'm mad that I still want dip. Will I ever be totally free? This blows. And as I type this I sound like a whiny bitch. I'll sack up and own my quit now.

Is this a game? Do I really miss stuffing the cancer in my face? My sweet daughter needs a father in her life. I want to grow old and see her sweet children and bounce them on my knee and spoil them. Why would I risk losing it all by flirting with the cancer that comes with dip? And I don't even like nicotine. I hate the system of slavery where I must feed nicotine to avoid missing nicotine. Without any satisfaction beyond feeding the crave. It costs too much money, I can use fake stuff, and it messes with my relationship with my wife, my health, and my professional demeanor and relationships.

I may not like the fake stuff, and stress may come that makes me think I want dip but I gotta remember: 1 problem + dip = 2 problems. I will recall the learning earlier about the steps of a relapse:
Mental
Emotional
Physical

I believe I gave into the Mental relapse yesterday and today. Bargaining and justifying was fully commenced. Luckily I didn't give in Emotionally or Physically. I will rebuild my walls and be a fortress of quit. One Day at A Time. I need to stop thinking long term. Just focus on the minute, the second, and keep my promise. The hour, the day. And worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

Glad to have you back on board and doing a brain dump! Don't hesitate to text if you're struggling and need a kick in the ass.

[Zoe'sDad]

Well I'm an addict, that's for sure... How else can I be quit from a substance for 61 fucking days and still think about it and want it? I decided to get on here and read some intro's, read some folk's milestones, and try to encourage some folks just starting out on their journey. I'm mad that I still want dip. Will I ever be totally free? This blows. And as I type this I sound like a whiny bitch. I'll sack up and own my quit now.

Is this a game? Do I really miss stuffing the cancer in my face? My sweet daughter needs a father in her life. I want to grow old and see her sweet children and bounce them on my knee and spoil them. Why would I risk losing it all by flirting with the cancer that comes with dip? And I don't even like nicotine. I hate the system of slavery where I must feed nicotine to avoid missing nicotine. Without any satisfaction beyond feeding the crave. It costs too much money, I can use fake stuff, and it messes with my relationship with my wife, my health, and my professional demeanor and relationships.

I may not like the fake stuff, and stress may come that makes me think I want dip but I gotta remember: 1 problem + dip = 2 problems. I will recall the learning earlier about the steps of a relapse:
Mental
Emotional
Physical

I believe I gave into the Mental relapse yesterday and today. Bargaining and justifying was fully commenced. Luckily I didn't give in Emotionally or Physically. I will rebuild my walls and be a fortress of quit. One Day at A Time. I need to stop thinking long term. Just focus on the minute, the second, and keep my promise. The hour, the day. And worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

[eric71]

Day 49 - I will keep my promise today. I will earn the right to celebrate the big HOF half-way point tomorrow.

At the recommendation of CowMus I am reading through Eric71's intro thread. I'm 7 of the 14 pages in. It is without a doubt, the most inspiring and centering thing I have read on this site.

topic/1008753/7/

Eric71's clarity of thought, and expression of his quit-journey resonates so richly with me. He understands the struggle perfectly and serves as a valiant role model to me, here, on the eve of my half-way point. Thank you so much Eric71.

I have alot of work to do to achieve the mindset and quit that Eric71 has achieved, but his example proves to me it is possible and lifts me up to a new realm of possibility and a higher plane of thought  existence.

I will celebrate and capitalize on my freedom and living life as clearly as he does.

He also gives much more than I have been giving. I will focus my attention outwards, not be so self-centered.

Thank you sir for the kind words. The journey only ends when we stop walking. If you want peace, prepare for war.
QLAFM

[Zoe'sDad]

Day 49 - I will keep my promise today. I will earn the right to celebrate the big HOF half-way point tomorrow.

At the recommendation of CowMus I am reading through Eric71's intro thread. I'm 7 of the 14 pages in. It is without a doubt, the most inspiring and centering thing I have read on this site.

topic/1008753/7/

Eric71's clarity of thought, and expression of his quit-journey resonates so richly with me. He understands the struggle perfectly and serves as a valiant role model to me, here, on the eve of my half-way point. Thank you so much Eric71.

I have alot of work to do to achieve the mindset and quit that Eric71 has achieved, but his example proves to me it is possible and lifts me up to a new realm of possibility and a higher plane of thought  existence.

I will celebrate and capitalize on my freedom and living life as clearly as he does.

He also gives much more than I have been giving. I will focus my attention outwards, not be so self-centered.

[zam]

Zoe'sDad Day 41 - I remember the suck. I remember the asshole slave I was to the weed. I hated who I was on it, rather without it. Which had to be maintenanced every 3 hours. Should I fail to feed the demon within I would be punished with a dull headache in my temple for the next 12 hours, regardless if I fed it or not. I will not be lured back for any reason. I used to get craves that would make me feel anxious and wash over me and I could feel it in my lower intestine and the back of my neck would bristle. I would struggle through life from one dip to the next. I had bought the lie that the dip was making me calm. Rather, it was the lack of dip that was stressing me out. This weekend with my daughter, even though she was screaming and not sleeping and being very difficult. I never had to retreat and leave my wife stranded. Because I am quit. I will stay quit. It is self-control. I am addict and I will beat this one day at a time. Thanks for the digits and kick in the pants Hawps. I quit with you all today.

You, sir.....you "get" it. Quitting nicotine is NOT AT ALL about you denying yourself some wonderful pleasure. That is the myth. I'll wager that not understanding this truth leads to more failures than even alcohol.

[Zoe'sDad]

Zoe'sDad Day 41 - I remember the suck. I remember the asshole slave I was to the weed. I hated who I was on it, rather without it. Which had to be maintenanced every 3 hours. Should I fail to feed the demon within I would be punished with a dull headache in my temple for the next 12 hours, regardless if I fed it or not. I will not be lured back for any reason. I used to get craves that would make me feel anxious and wash over me and I could feel it in my lower intestine and the back of my neck would bristle. I would struggle through life from one dip to the next. I had bought the lie that the dip was making me calm. Rather, it was the lack of dip that was stressing me out. This weekend with my daughter, even though she was screaming and not sleeping and being very difficult. I never had to retreat and leave my wife stranded. Because I am quit. I will stay quit. It is self-control. I am addict and I will beat this one day at a time. Thanks for the digits and kick in the pants Hawps. I quit with you all today.

[wildirish317]

Bravo! Know thine enemy, but never look past today. Today is where it all starts, and it needs to start in the right direction.

[Zoe'sDad]

These are must-have resources from wildirish317's signature:

The Law of Addiction: single/?p=9740764t=11541810

The Road Called Recovery: single/?p=9760421t=11541810

PAWs - The Two Year Phase of Withdrawal: single/?p=9771916t=11541810

The Three Steps of Caving: single/?p=9785911t=11541810

[Zoe'sDad]

Day 23 - I will not get complacent. I will not get cocky. I am not above my addiction now, I am managing it day by day. I will continue to shut down my addict brain and ignore the bargaining and justifications that lead to relapse. I fight with you all today. I do not know if I will use tomorrow, but I will not use today.

[Zoe'sDad]

Day 22 - I had a dream, more like a nightmare, last night. That I stood in the gas station and struggled and struggled. I said "just one dip then I'll throw it out." I told myself "no! You'll let down all your guys on KTC and you'll have to answer to them!" it went back and forth like this for what seemed like an eternity. Finally the dream jumped to a scene of me taking a dip, apparently having given in. I was immediately disgusted, it tasted like sawdust! And is was brokenhearted that I had failed. In the dream I was trying to wake myself up to make sure it was just a dream and I hadn't actually caved. Even after I woke up I had to go look in my car door to make sure I hadn't gone out and bought a can. I had a vague memory of stashing the can in my car door. It was terrifying. I'm relieved to know it was a dream but damn I still feel shitty about it.