Day 6 "Logic and Reason" Rant - I was thinking about the nic bitch today. She has really cut me good a few times and before I found this site I wasn't even aware of her existence. I thought that the voice in my head promoting the use of snuff was a voice of logic and reason. "It was better to continue dipping because you would be miserable otherwise." "You have never known anyone personally to ever get cancer from dipping." The worst cut she ever gave me was the time she convinced me to break off the engagement with my fiancé. I know it seems absolutely crazy to think that could happen, but trust me it did.... Me and my fiancé had always butted heads pretty hard about using tobacco. Which is understandable she hated it cause it was killing me and I loved it because I was addicted. When we first met I smoked, drank and dipped. She hated smoking, so after a few months I quit smoking and just dipped. About a year later she decided she didn't like my drinking so I quit drinking, except on very rare occasions (a few times a year). Shortly after that she decided she didn't like my dipping. This is when the Nic Bitch really started fucking me over. I tried to quit a few times over the next year but never made it more than a few days. After all I was quitting for someone else and my heart just wasn't in it. I, unbeknownst of the nic bitch, would always use my "logic and reason" (aka the nic bitch) to retreat from my quit. With every retreat I would see my fiancé's disappointment. It would eat me up inside so what did my "logic and reason" tell me to do. LIE. My "logic and reason" would tell me things like "What she don't know wont hurt her" and "You have already given her two of your vices, she is just being greedy asking for your third and last one" and "If you only do it at work she will never know". So of course being the concrete man that I am, I would listen to my "Logic and reason". I started working more and more. I started never wanting to be around her. Then the nic bitch did the real deed she convinced me that it was not logical to stay with my fiancé because one of us would always be miserable and that I would have to continue lying for the rest of my life, that there was no way this would end well, and "logically" this was no life to live. We were just not compatible. Which in reality I had found the most wonderful and beautiful woman I could have never been more compatible with. The nic bitch hounded me for two weeks until I was convinced that marrying her would only lead to resentment, anger and regret. So three weeks before we were to get married I told her that I wanted to break it off with her. She was shocked, unimaginably hurt and absolutely petrified. The nic bitch provided me with a nice little list of things that I didn't like about her so that my tobacco would not be held responsible for ruining the best thing that ever happened to me. I knew the truth though. Within 24 hours I came to my senses realizing what I had just done and begged her to come back claiming to have gotten cold feet (not blaming it on the nic bitch). She still loved me and forgave me but it had still caused an enormous amount of hurt for her. Which I will regret for the rest of my life. She came back. Despite all of this I was still lying to her about my dipping even after almost losing her. I told her I was only getting one per day when I never really slowed down. I told her that I would not dip during the honeymoon because she couldn't stand the sight of me choosing an addiction over her. During the honeymoon I kept my promise, and told her that once we got back I would try to continue to not dip. I knew this was bullshit, but she believed me. The nic bitch was again trying to ruin my life and the relationship with my, now, wife. As soon as we got back from the honeymoon I was back to a can a day like I had never slowed down. Five days later I stumbled upon this site with no intent of quit ,it was an eye opener, and read about this super bitch called nicotine. As I read more and more into this bitch it all unfolded into my lap that my voice of "logic and reason" was not at all logical or reasonable but a cutthroat bitch that was trying to kill me. I honestly believed there was no one out there more addicted to nicotine than I was. I thought I was a lost cause, and that it would continue to cause me to lie to my wife and myself for the rest of my life. I honestly thought I would dip for the rest of my life. After I found out about the nic bitch I kept reading more and more. In a matter of 24 hour I went from loving tobacco to despising it. In 24 hours I went from believing that It was not possible for me to quit to believing that It was absolutely possible. So what did I do I posted motherfucking roll and have been everyday since and will continue till the day I die. No matter what lies ahead. No matter what obstacles get in my way I will find a way to post roll and keep my promise. If the day should come that I believe that I am cured and that I no longer have the need to post roll I truly hope that at least 20 people slap the fuck out of me via text, call, e-mail, whatever and tell me to go back to my intro and read day 6. I never want to be that dishonest fucked up sorry piece of shit ever again. The nic bitch will never control my life again.
