Sent this message to someone and posted in a couple of the newer groups, but wanted to preserve it here in my intro as well.
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Name Witheld,
I haven't mentioned this to anyone and I won't. I did read it back when you wrote it, but was on my phone and didn't want to reply from there (it's a little tougher when you have a lot you want to say). By the time I did log on to my laptop (I tried to stay off my PC while I was on vacation), I decided to let it stew a little more so I could put some real thought into it and NOT react or reply emotionally. I am going to post this (with anything that might identify you removed first) in some of the newer groups though because now that I've started replying I think it can potentially help some of the newer quitters.
I knew why you left. You didn't have to say it. You can't say "It wasn't the addict mind" and "The nicotine isn't what keeps me going back" without at least acknowledging that these things both come from the dreaded "Addict-speak" we hear so much about and come to hate. You wanted to dip. You planned to cave. You left. End of story.
The fact of the matter is that nicotine is every bit as addictive and difficult to quit as heroin. Let that sink in for just a minute... All of the health risks associated with use aside, this shit is every bit as hard to quit as FUCKING HEROIN!!! They'll strap your ass down and give you other drugs for quitting that addiction cold turkey when you try to quit though. Nicotine is freaking legal, so quitting is up to you and you're pretty much on your own.
That's one of the reasons we're all such assholes as we quit, and the root of why we all go through the same things at approximately the same times in our quits. The chemicals in tobacco, much much worse and more concentrated in dip and delivered directly into your bloodstream through your mouth, quickly wire your brain in such a way that you associate pretty much everything positive with that nicotine fix and most things negative with the absence of that fix. It takes weeks or months to form these connections initially, they grow stronger the longer you dip (or smoke), and then it literally takes YEARS to overcome this and re-wire yourself when you quit.
I know quite a few people that have quit smoking. I don't know a single person that has successfully quit dip, outside the people that I know through KTC. Their stories. The things the people before me have gone through. The struggles. The wins. The things that work (for them). The things that don't. Seeing people posting daily with over 1K days quit. These are the things that have helped me so far. These are the things (in some cases) that have scared the shit out of me and kept me posting daily. I'm not a kid. My kids are grown. The time (31 years or so) I spent playing Russian Roulette with tobacco will be in the back of my mind for the rest of my life. Did I wait too long? I can't and won't ever know the answer to that unless something obvious happens in the near future. What I do know is that the best thing to do is to never, ever, EVER fucking start. The next best thing? Quit as early as possible, suffer through the withdrawal, and minimize the amount of time you spend poisoning your heart (or lungs, or mouth, or throat, or stomach, or colon). Today is the newest best day to quit.
I know you believe that "I know myself and I know this isn't a nicotine addiction talking", but that's exactly what that nic bitch wants you to believe. You will not be able to quit until you realize and understand that. When you're ready, truly ready to quit and be quit please let me know. I will be here to support you every step of the way, but you're going to have to answer those dreaded questions first and make a real commitment to quit... YOU can do this. You can quit. KTC can help if you'll drink the kool-aid and do all the right things...
Best of luck!
Steve
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