SRains918

[69franx]

501

Holy shit. Half a fucking comma. A half dangle. 5 fucking hundred. I've spent the last 16 or 17 months in awe of and congratulating people that have made it to this point in their quit. It's truly one hell of an accomplishment!


Except that I know it really isn't for me. See, I made it about a year and a half on my own once. That was "pre-KTC". My personal high water mark in my mind is roughly 548 days. While I know in my heart and soul that this quit is different, there's that nagging part in the back of my mind that keeps saying "You've made it farther and caved. You haven't proven SHIT yet". And that voice is right. I'm not in uncharted territory for me for another 48 days or so. I made it farther than this and did the unthinkable. I know I'm not cured now.

What I DO know is that this quit IS different. When I made it this far before I was on my own. I had forgotten by now what it was like to stuff that shit in my face. I had forgotten virtually everything, at least consciously, about what that poison did to my body. I never even had a second thought that I can remember when I stopped and picked up that first can again. All I knew is that my life at the time was going to shit, and stuffing that crap back into my face was going to be what helped me get through it. At that point in my life I didn't really understand that I was an addict. I didn't recognize the lie for what it was when it happened. I hadn't burned my boats. I hadn't torched those bridges. I didn't have a support system. I had stopped because I wanted to, but there wasn't anything preventing me from starting back up except for me not wanting to dip. Until I did want to.


KTC has given me the tools that I need to be free from those horrible chains of addiction. It has given me some of my closest friends. It has brought me together with my January FURY brothers and sisters (to conquer this together), as well as folks from older groups (so I know what's coming) and newer groups (to remind me where I've been). The people I text with, talk to, and have and will meet are not just random internet strangers. They are my family. They are the people that know me better than most others. They give me strength and inspire me to continue this journey.

Thank you. All of you. I can honestly say that I would not have made it this far without you, and I am proud as FUCK to be quit with you each and every day!

Day 549 won't be a day of celebration for me. It's just another day of quit. Except that it's not...

Keep killing it brother!

[SRains918]

501

Holy shit. Half a fucking comma. A half dangle. 5 fucking hundred. I've spent the last 16 or 17 months in awe of and congratulating people that have made it to this point in their quit. It's truly one hell of an accomplishment!


Except that I know it really isn't for me. See, I made it about a year and a half on my own once. That was "pre-KTC". My personal high water mark in my mind is roughly 548 days. While I know in my heart and soul that this quit is different, there's that nagging part in the back of my mind that keeps saying "You've made it farther and caved. You haven't proven SHIT yet". And that voice is right. I'm not in uncharted territory for me for another 48 days or so. I made it farther than this and did the unthinkable. I know I'm not cured now.

What I DO know is that this quit IS different. When I made it this far before I was on my own. I had forgotten by now what it was like to stuff that shit in my face. I had forgotten virtually everything, at least consciously, about what that poison did to my body. I never even had a second thought that I can remember when I stopped and picked up that first can again. All I knew is that my life at the time was going to shit, and stuffing that crap back into my face was going to be what helped me get through it. At that point in my life I didn't really understand that I was an addict. I didn't recognize the lie for what it was when it happened. I hadn't burned my boats. I hadn't torched those bridges. I didn't have a support system. I had stopped because I wanted to, but there wasn't anything preventing me from starting back up except for me not wanting to dip. Until I did want to.


KTC has given me the tools that I need to be free from those horrible chains of addiction. It has given me some of my closest friends. It has brought me together with my January FURY brothers and sisters (to conquer this together), as well as folks from older groups (so I know what's coming) and newer groups (to remind me where I've been). The people I text with, talk to, and have and will meet are not just random internet strangers. They are my family. They are the people that know me better than most others. They give me strength and inspire me to continue this journey.

Thank you. All of you. I can honestly say that I would not have made it this far without you, and I am proud as FUCK to be quit with you each and every day!

Day 549 won't be a day of celebration for me. It's just another day of quit. Except that it's not...

[SRains918]

480 -

It's more than just an area code local to me here in the Phoenix area, it's my quit number today... Still too much crap going on in life. I added a bunch of crap at work and have been overloaded there as well as being sick AF on top of the family bullshit. Blah, blah, blah - life sucks and blah, blah, blah...

I'm actually not here to complain... It kind of dawned on me this morning that I have turned a corner without realizing it. I may not be all the way around that bend, but I realized this morning that the view has changed a bit and I hadn't really noticed...

I cannot remember my last serious crave.

Ordinarily that might send the anxious me into a bit of a panic. After all, one of my greatest fears is that I will forget that I'm an addict and cave. I have before - pre-KTC. After about a year and a half of being quit on my own that time I reached for a can without even thinking about it, all because my life went to shit (or at least that's what I thought at the time). Is it bad that I can't remember when I craved last? I'm sure it was the "tire incident". Or was it? Crap, that's kind of my point. I'm not sure. I don't even know. Should that scare me? No, I don't think it should.

THIS IS WHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE!

I've been dealing with a lot of stuff recently. Being sick just blows, and we've been trading it back and forth for a little while. At work I got access to something I normally don't, and had an opportunity to gather a literal shit ton of data that will make my life easier going forward - if it doesn't kill me to get it all extracted. Things with that part of my family haven't improved significantly, and parts of it have actually deteriorated further (although some other parts have improved). It's a long story, and frankly one that I've already overshared with some people I'm sure so I'll spare the details. All of these things, particularly taken in context with some others I'm not here to share right now, would have send me slinking back to that can of poison.

Yet, not so much as a hint of a crave... WTF?

I'm winning. That's why. Please don't misundertand - I'm not under the mistaken impression that I'll never have another crave. I'm just at a point in my quit that using my tools is second nature. The evolution of those tools is a natural progression now. It doesn't always need to be forced or consciously decided. It just happens. When I started struggling with my family issues, I reached out (perhaps a bit too much, but I think it's better to err on the side of caution). I've had to back off of posting a LOT due to my work constraints, but I've still posted roll in my home group and with the group I conducted - I'm still at 100%. Through it all I understand that life happens. Good and bad. Now I know for a fact that things will get better with or without dip. Things will go to shit with or without dip. Life is going to happen - with or without dip.

I make a conscious decision daily to live my life without that poison. I will continue to post that promise to remain nic free. Life is going to happen anyway. What I've learned is that life is actually better without that leash. Even when it sucks.

[Sand44]

I have primarily been P&G for the last week (or a little more). There are a fair number of you that know why, and I don't particularly care to explain it beyond saying that I've been dealing with some pretty freaking serious family shit. Caving was never an option. I used my tools.

461

Yeah, I'm pretty fucking proud of that number today...

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through some tough shit. Hope things get better for you Steve. You’ve helped me more with my quit then you’ll ever know.

For anyone else reading this, the thing you need to remember is that tomorrow it could be YOU having a bad day/week/month. 

1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems.

[SRains918]

461

Not a particularly sexy number by any stretch of the imagination. It's not an even number of days or weeks or months or anything particularly significant. It's not any kind of anniversary. It's not a floor. I'm proud AF of that number today though. I'm proud AF of what I've been through without fucking that number up. Especially lately...

I'll P&G. I'll get crazy active. I'll find a happy medium between the two. I'll post in two groups. I'll post in close to 50 (no joke; all 2016-2019 groups because I feel like I owe portions of my quit to folks scattered all through there, plus all January groups 2010 up, plus Oct '11, plus the 100% thread). Never, ever, have I missed posting roll in my home group or Mar '18 (the group I conducted). No matter how life gets I post in those two.

We all face adversity in our lives: death, divorce, family drama, job related struggles, sickness - These kinds of things are difficult for the strongest of us to get through. These are the kinds of things that cause addicts to relapse because for the most part we have never faced anything like them without that crutch. At 461 days it's not the day-to-day triggers any more; There are still a few here and there, don't get me wrong, but they're fewer and farther between now. These major ones though? They can strike at any time without warning. As an addict, I know that I will ALWAYS have to be prepared to face them and use my tools that I have acquired along the way.

I have primarily been P&G for the last week (or a little more). There are a fair number of you that know why, and I don't particularly care to explain it beyond saying that I've been dealing with some pretty freaking serious family shit. Caving was never an option. I used my tools.

461

Yeah, I'm pretty fucking proud of that number today...

[SRains918]

Posted this in Mar '19 today... Then decided I might have put enough coherent words together that I should post it here too...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Holy Shit...

I'm just not even going to deal with the cavers right now. There are enough people working through that... This is for all of the quitters in March that actually came here to quit...

1) Wake up
2) Piss
3) Post your promise on roll
4) Keep your fucking word
5) Repeat daily

Quitting with KTC is as easy as that. Are there bumps and bruises and rough spots along the way? Of course! Shit, I poisoned myself for almost 32 years. I'm 432 days quit. I dipped for around 11,680 days. These fuckers that think they're cured at 4 or 30 or 100 or 200 or 500 or 1000 days? I don't think so. There's no "cure" for nicotine addiction. You are an addict for the rest of your life. Period.


So, given that there isn't a "cure" how the hell do we manage this recovery? Use the tools available to us.

Brotherhood + Accountability = Success

I know you've seen this. I'm pretty sure I've posted it here before. That's not my equation (I didn't write it, obviously), but it's how I live my life now.

Accountability - I posted roll with my home group
Accountability - I posted roll with Mar '18 (the group I conducted)
Accountability - I posted roll with all of the other groups that I support
Accountability - I texted my promise to at least 15-20 people
Brotherhood - I spent a few minutes catching up with the folks I've made my friends (still have a few to reach out to)
Brotherhood - I met with Skol, Gottadoit, and DesertDweller to celebrate Desert's HOF day yesterday. We shared laughs and hugs and beers and food
Brotherhood - I spent a few minutes texting with a couple of good friends (KTC) that are struggling personally and will continue through the day
Success - I am quit for today, and today only

I could keep listing examples, but I think you get the point. These serial cavers? They don't get that. THAT IS WHY THEY FAIL.

[SRains918]

Whelp, looks like that's mostly formatted the way I want it. I may make changes after opening it on my phone, but I'm happy with the way it looks on my laptop.

I keep coming back to it and tinkering. It's like an old friend. I've read these posts in Irish's intro so many times on my journey. I remember so much of it. Until I don't...

That's why it's here. At 419 days I still struggle - mostly around milestones. My last funk was right around 400. I went to read through this stuff and found it to be a giant pain in the ass on Tapa, so I copied some of the highlights here to make it easier for me to get to. Then I didn't like the format because it didn't translate well from Tapa... Now I realized a lot of the links are broken. Baby steps.

I hope no one takes this as a sign of disrespect toward Irish. Crap, if anything it's a compliment of the highest order!

[SRains918]

The Value of Documenting Your Journey

I really was on a search for more on the topic of the law of addiction, in ""Freedom from Nicotine" when I found this:
 
While "one day at a time" is an excellent victory yardstick, imagine the value of being able to look back and see what each day was like.  Consider jotting down a few calendar notes or diary entries about what early recovery was like and the challenges overcome. Although not necessary to success, doing so could prove valuable later.

Why would anyone want to vividly recall the first few days of recovery, days which could reflect a blend of frustrations, anxieties, crave episodes, anger, bargaining and sadness? The same reason we need to remember, in as much detail as possible, daily life as an actively feeding nicotine addict.

We've all heard that "those who forget the past are destined to repeat it." It's hard to imagine a situation where it rings truer than with drug recovery and relapse.  Humans tend to repress and inhibit negative emotional memories, and emotional experiences in general.146 Instead, we remember and replay the good, while forgetting the bad. 

Imagine if it were otherwise. A vivid picture of all the pain, anxiety and hurt of all our yesterdays would be a heavy burden to bear.  While your mind may quickly suppress memories of the challenges overcome, ink on paper or words typed into a computer are durable. The best way to protect against complacency isn't by forgetting what bondage or recovery was like, but by accurately recalling them.

It's wise to make a record of both the reasons you want to break free and what the first couple of weeks were like. Consider sending yourself an e-mail before bed. And here's an example of why.

Imagine hitting what feels like a recovery plateau, where you no longer sense improvement. Imagine feeling stuck and wondering if it's going to remain this way for good, as if a rose bud had stopped opening.

Now imagine being able to look back and read your own progress notes. Like having a medical chart during a hospital stay, your record can provide accurate perspective of how far you've come.  It can help calm concerns that recovery has stalled. Although at times nearly impossible to see, I
assure you, recovery's rose bud continues to slowly unfold. 

Consider a present gift of future memory. Consider it free relapse insurance. A few memory jogging notes when starting out could become invaluable during challenge, lulls or once complacency arrives.

I did this, for my first two years.  I still go back to it when I feel the need.  It's like a soft leather chair.  I find comfort there.  If you are in the early stages of recovery, I urge you to do this.  If you are in later stages, find someone who is in their early stages, help them through it, and document that process.

[SRains918]

Time to Leave KTC?  (meet the Nic Bitch’s sister) - day 408

If you want the wise man's answer to this question, you'll find it here.

I don’t fight cravings much anymore.  In fact, in the past 100 days, I’d say I’ve had about 2.  However, I do have urges to leave KTC, leave the 4 GroupMe’s to which I belong, and wander off on my own.  In the past 100 days, I’d say I’ve had about 27.

So, 27 urges to bolt, vs. 2 urges to cave, vs. 71 urges to stay the same.

Most days, life is good.  I wake up, walk the dogs, post roll, go to work, come home, walk the dogs, piddle around the house, cook, eat, watch TV, and go to bed.  At two points during these days, I get the urge to put a pinch of Copenhagen between my cheek and gums.  I think about that for a minute, the whole idea, the 38 years I spent doing just that, the abrasion in my cheeks, the swallowing of tobacco juice because I just don’t spit, the enslavement.  Then it’s gone.  I’m out of that cage.  I’m not going back.

Other days, the other 27 out of the 100, I’m  down.  I log on to KTC and post roll.  I visit some “newbie” sites, where quitters are struggling through the first 3, 5, 10, or 100 days, and I make comments.  I meet resistance, which I usually do, but on these days, I let it get to me.

IDGAF, I think to myself, but I do.  I  care about these people, strangers who are sharing the same addiction.  Still, I want to walk away.  No one knows what I’m going through.  These people are anxious.  I’m depressed.  They don’t know.  They don’t care.

Then, I get a text.  “You doing okay?”  Jesus, how do they know?

I get more of that than you know Irish.

I like the IDGAF denial syndrome. I suffer from that as well...frequently. I try to tell myself the same thing when i'm trying to step back and get some balance. But I know it's not true.
It's a mental protection against spreading yourself too thin,
possibly. ???
You make a difference by being here. Thank you.

Irish,
i can't tell you how much you've done for me.  Hoping to celebrate plenty of more victories with you. 

I think you help more people here than you know. I too understand the IDGAF thoughts. We can't stop being who we are. Sure you are going to get resistance from some but if you help one person quit isn't it worth it? I always enjoy reading your posts. You have good insights and a lot of it hits close to home. Proud to quit with you EDD!

You certainly have helped me.  And even if you didn't, I'd  just like having you around anyway.   'Cheers'

IQWYT.

Quite a few of us had similar discussion between the one and two year marks. I kinda remeber what you are describing. It was definately not a fun time. Quite different from the early stages but no less difficult, just on a different level I suppose. I can tell you this. It did pass. I havnt had any real issued after the two year mark or there about.

I'm still here. 9 years in. And I don't get that depressed, what's next and this place drags me down feeling any longer. Hell, I don't really make the connections between this place and dipping any longer if that makes sense. It just doesn't faze me.

Hope that helps.

Thanks Ready.  I'm not going anywhere.  My dear lost friend Kubiackalpha once told me "writing is therapeutic", so what better place to post my trials and successes than here?  We all have issues beyond (an possibly masked by) our addictions.  I've found that I get depressed a lot.

Unfortunately for you guys, I tend to post my trials more than my successes.  I should work on that.

[SRains918]

No Excuse To Cave - NONE!

I don't know Todd, other than what I've read in his intro.  His story is inspiring.  His story made me cry.

If I ever feel life has given me an excuse to cave, I'm going to come here and read this, again.

Whew where to begin, well brothers and sisters today should be a joyous day 7th floor with 2 trips around the sun to follow and not to be overshadowed by too many other events right. Well, what I am about to follow up with is a warning my way to pay it forward a way for me to find something positive out of what I have found out. A way to reinforce to those that think they are cured and that they may be able to try a dance with their mistress/Reaper... This is a message to the vets as well as newbies it's not over. This isn't written for sympathy or pity I knew that this was a possibility when I thought I was a tough guy with my lip packed full of death.

Friday 3-13-15 a day I will never forget, I had a colonoscopy and yep you guessed it CANCER located close to where small and large intestines come together... I was a bad ass I didn't need a spitter I gutted it this pseudo-badge of courage is probably the culprit.

Funny what goes through your head when you get that kind of news first initial shock...followed up with panic, fear then sadness. It finally really hit me Sunday a.m. I broke down the thoughts that I may not get to see my wife again, smell her hair, see her smile, hear her laugh, miss her sarcasm...not getting to see my son play sports, graduate and see him go through life not getting to be a Grandpa...Yep all those moments be shared with others and not me.  I took a walk down memory lane yesterday…have I put enough away for my family, what have I left for a legacy, have I given more than I have taken, will I be remembered or just another UST statistic... All that shit goes through your head...I am sure that are a lot more emotions to follow.

Today I am up and going I have shit to do before I go for surgery. I have to use all my tools that I have acquired from KTC and apply them moving forward. THIS DOES NOT GIVE ME THE RIGHT OR EXCUSE TO CHEW! This isn't going to be an I, it will be a WE, brothers and sisters from KTC, friends and family taking this head on one day at a time. I am absolutely impressed with the men and women of KTC who have already started pumping out support....THANK YOU.

So if any of you still have friends dippin tell them this if you dont have what it takes to quit nicotine you are gonna be TOO big of a pussy for chemo. Dying is easy its the living that is hard got to dig deep everyday and there would be no way in hell I could do this on my own. If it werent for the support of my wife and family, the support i get daily from the members this site and the people I have in my corner locally. I would have been consumed by this cancer shit. I have already lived through two you only have 6 months left.

Well it appears that it has been awhile since I have put in an update. I had double pneumonia that landed me in the hospital for a week...then home health for a week giving me very strong antibiotics. After a week of that the nausea and pain were enough I woke up on a Monday morning and fired everyone. I called the VA and asked to be put on hospice. Hospice has been working with me to get me under control as far as pain and nausea go. I have been puking and dry heaving for days so finally last night they hooked me up to a morphine drip and a Tordol drip subQ. they have also discovered that I have chemo induced thrush from my mouth to my stomach so another obstacle to overcome.

I also carry a BRAF mutation with in the cancer war is like trying fight fires with gasoline. So I am on the hospice pony and just trying to ride whatever time I have left in relative comfort. So just trying to take it easy.

Once again just wanted to say thank you to everyone that has been on this ride with me, I also wanted to say if you text or email and I dont respond right away please dont take it personal there are days that just making it to tomorrow is the best I can do.
thanks
Trauma

[SRains918]

Getting to - "Not thinking about it anymore" - day 134ish

I've read several posts, on several quit groups, where people say they've stopped posting roll because they only think about nic  when they post roll.  They don't want to think about nicotine anymore.

I think about nicotine every time I visit this site.  In fact, I visit this site because I want to think about nicotine.  I am an obsessive personality, and I'm currently obsessed with nicotine.  That's why I've researched it so much, and shared most of this research in my intro thread.  They say that PAWs lasts for two years.  They say that, after five years, relapse is rare.  After 38 years of tobacco use, 5 years is a small period of time.

There you go.  I want to keep that bitch in front of me, where I can see it until my chance of relapse is rare.   I've had too many times in the past 100 days that, if I didn't start the day by finding that bitch and keeping her in front of me, she would've snuck up behind me and crawled up my ass.

Not thinking about nicotine is for people who've never used nicotine.  We threw that option away with the first dip or drag on a cigarette.  We are addicts, and cannot become un-addicted.

[SRains918]

Living with PAWs - day 128

Mood swings
Anxiety
Irritability
Tiredness
Variable energy
Low enthusiasm
Variable concentration
Disturbed sleep

Mrs. Irish and I started off on our daily walk with the dogs this morning.  I had set two sprinklers out in the yard last evening, and ran them for a couple of hours because our grass is getting dry.  The sod is less than a year old, and we are concerned that it may die if it gets too dry.

Mrs. Irish asked if the sprinklers had covered the entire yard, and I blew up.  Our morning routine consists of a series of rituals that result in me leaving for work between 7:05 and 7:10.  There is no room to add any tasks.  Now I'm faced with repositioning the sprinklers and turning them on.  I respond in an angry manner and, Mrs. Irish being who she is, took me to task.

She pointed out several occasions over the past couple of weeks where I have reacted in anger to normal life events.  I hit my head on a lamp frame and let loose a long string of f-bombs, far too many than the event warranted, for example.  Some of the things she told me about, I don't recall.  I began to think maybe I'm losing my mind.  I thought about NewTexican, and his enrollment in anger management classes.

Is this all due to quitting nicotine?  Should I go back to nicotine to return to a normal life?  (See how sneaky the nic bitch can be?  I even had a dip dream last night.)  I was totally freaked out.  Then I remembered PAWs.  Hell, it's in my signature.  I click the link and there are the symptoms, plain as day.  Anxious, irritable, tired, low enthusiasm, variable concentration, yes, that's how I feel.  Damn.  So, what do I do about it?

I click on the link that leads me to the PAWs web page..  Here, I find the beginning of my answer.  I say beginning because these are general guidelines, and I have to figure out how to apply them to me, here and now.  This is what I find:

"Give yourself lots of little breaks over the next two years. Tell yourself "what I am doing is enough." Be good to yourself. That is what most addicts can't do, and that's what you must learn in recovery. Recovery is the opposite of addiction.

Sometimes you'll have little energy or enthusiasm for anything. Understand this and don't over book your life. Give yourself permission to focus on your recovery."

And:

"Being able to relax will help you through post-acute withdrawal. When you're tense you tend to dwell on your symptoms and make them worse. When you're relaxed it's easier to not get caught up in them. You aren't as triggered by your symptoms which means you're less likely to relapse."

What I am doing is enough.  Don't over-book myself.  Learn to relax.

That's my plan.

[SRains918]

100 Days In - Now What?

This is a rendition of my HOF speech, which will fade into history.  My intro, however, can be bumped to the top of the list at any time.

After 100 days, we are supposed to have the tools it takes to remain quit.  What are these tools?  They are different for every quitter.  Basically, the habits you've picked up over the past 100 days to help you remain quit are your tools to remain quit.  These are mine:

Tool #1: The Promise
For the past 100 days, the first thing I do after getting dressed is post my promise, to myself and to the world of KTC, that I will remain quit today.  This is huge, and probably enough to help maintain my quit.

Tool #2: The Accountability and Brotherhood
Should I happen to miss roll, to miss my promise, I expect quite a few people to text me to see if I'm okay.  Even Mrs. Irish will occasionally ask me if I've posted roll today.  People other than me expect me to do this every day.  I have to live up to it.

Tool #3: New Quitters
You never want to get too far removed from the suck, the fog, and the funk.  You don't ever want to experience these things first hand again.  The Law of Addiction maintains that you will experience them if you cave.  By supporting and keeping up with new quitters, you can have a constant reminder of how bad the first 100 days are, and continual reinforcement of your decision to remain quit.

Tool #4: KTC Wildcard
Sometimes we just need some type of diversion to get through the next few minutes.  I gravitate toward "One Word Post" and "This or That", but there are dozens of threads in this section to occupy your mind.

Of course, there are hundreds of other tools available at KTC to use to remain quit, but these are the four that I will continue to use, the tools that have become my habits.  We are creatures of habit.  In order to remain quit, we must develop daily habits that make it easier not to use nicotine.  The only way to stay quit is to stay quit.

I want to thank everyone that I've encountered on this site.  Every encounter has been special, and I don't want to diminish one by naming another, and it will take more than the next 100 days to list and describe them all.  That being said, let's quit on!

[SRains918]

The Road Called Recovery

Day 65.  If I didn't know any better, I would say I'm "cured".  However, I do know better.  I am through withdrawal, and moving down the road they call recovery.  The trick now is to stay on this road and not get sidetracked into relapse.

So, I've mastered the Law of Addiction.  My addiction is arrested.  I'm through the withdrawal, the suck.  I'm on the road of recovery.  Now what?  How do I stay on this road?

The first rule to recovery is: You don't recover from an addiction by stopping using. You recover by creating a new life where it is easier to not use.
If you don't create a new life, the Nic bitch will lure you back into using her.

There are tools to help us create a new life.  You can find them at www.addictionsandrecovery.org.  I want to discuss them briefly here because they are important.

The three tools are:

• Avoid high risk situations
• Learn to relax
• Be honest

Some common high risk situations are described by the acronym HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired).  You can't always avoid these situations, but learn to recognize them and be on guard for the Nic bitch, because she's watching and waiting.

We used nicotine to relax.  We need to find something to replace that.  Drugs and alcohol are not your best choice, as these are addictive substances as well.  Meditation is a good tool for relaxation.  KTC has a good thread on meditation: Meditation Group.  It has a good beginning, morphs into a roll post, and then has some more tips and tricks at the end.  I also tie flies to relax.  My mother played the piano to relax.  (I used to think she just liked to play.  Now I realize she would do it when she was upset.)

The following is a direct quote from linked web page.  I can't think of a good way to summarize it, and there are a lot of important points about being honest.

An addiction requires lying. You have to lie about getting your drug, using it, hiding its consequences, and planning your next relapse. An addiction is full of lying. By the time you've developed an addiction, lying comes easily to you. After a while you get so good at lying that you end up lying to yourself. That's why addicts don't know who they are or what they believe in.

The other problem with lying is that you can't like yourself when you lie. You can't look yourself in the mirror. Lying traps you in your addiction. The more you lie, the less you like yourself, which makes you want to escape, which leads to more using and more lying.

Nothing changes, if nothing changes. Ask yourself this: will more lying, more isolating, and more of the same make you feel better? The expression in AA is - nothing changes if nothing changes. If you don't change your life, then why would this time be any different? You need to create a new life where it's easier to not use.

Recovery requires complete honesty. You must be one-hundred percent completely honest with the people who are your supports: your family, your doctor, your therapist, the people in your 12 step group, and your sponsor. If you can't be completely honest with them, you won't do well in recovery.

When you're completely honest you don't give your addiction room to hide. When you lie you leave the door open to relapse.

One mistake people make in the early stages of recovery is they think that honesty means being honest about other people. They think they should share what's "wrong" with other people. But recovery isn't about fixing other people. It's about fixing yourself. Stick with your own recovery. Focusing on what you don't like about others is easy because it deflects attention from yourself.

Honesty won't come naturally in the beginning. You've spent so much time learning how to lie that telling the truth, no matter how good it is for you, won't feel natural. You'll have to practice telling the truth a few hundred times before it comes a little easier. In the beginning, you'll have to stop yourself as you're telling a story, and say, "now that I think about it, it was more like this..."

Show common sense. Not everybody is your best friend. And not everybody will be glad to know that you have an addiction or that you're doing something about it. There may be some people who you don't want to tell about your recovery. But don't be reluctant to tell the people close to you about your recovery. You should never feel ashamed that you're doing something about your addiction.

[SRains918]

The Law of Addiction

Day 55.  I'm not sure why I started adding titles to my intro posts, maybe so I can find them easier.  This one comes about after a discussion with kbdavear about how many times a person should be allowed to post day #1 on this site.  I'm not going to go into that discussion here.  You can find it in July 2016's quit group thread on April 29, 2016.

The discussion led to research.  The research led to the law of addiction. 

The Law is rather simple.   It states, “Administration of a drug to an addict will cause re-establishment of chemical dependence upon the addictive substance."

Mastering it requires acceptance of three fundamental principles:

• That dependency upon using nicotine is true chemical addiction, captivating the same brain dopamine reward pathways as alcoholism, cocaine or heroin addiction;
• That once established we cannot cure or kill an addiction but only arrest it; and
• That once arrested, regardless of how long we have remained nicotine free, that just one hit of nicotine will create a high degree of probability of a full relapse.

Once you have mastered the law of addiction, there is absolutely no legitimate excuse to put nicotine into your body in any form.  As a nicotine addict, you  have permanently altered the way your brain functions.  This cannot be undone.  The only way to stay quit is to stay quit.

There is a smoking cessation website named whyquit.com.  They have zero tolerance for nicotine.  You get one try per lifetime on this site.  You have posting privileges as long as you remain nicotine free.  If you ingest nicotine, your posting privileges are permanently revoked.

I've given this topic a lot of thought over the past two days.  For now, I'm going to leave my comments brief.  There is a lot to absorb in this post.