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Kybo

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kybo:
Originally posted on March 9th, 2018

Day 62!

Still feel great. It could completely be my imagination, but I swear my eyesight has improved since I gave up tobacco. And the air seems so much crisper when I take a deep breath now. Both of these things could be the result of the 15 to 20 miles a week I have been doing on the treadmill since I gave up the nasty shit. Or it could be due to the fact that I am no longer poisoning my body every day with that shit.

I have been reading some posts by other people that are talking about having some issues with depression. I can't really say that I have had problems that I would classify as depression, but I have had a few emotional roller coaster rides over the last couple of months. Mood swings, or whatever you want to call them. I am totally over the rage and subsequent outbursts at this point. But, yesterday my assistant came into my office and asked me if everything was ok. She said she has noticed that I have been keeping to myself and I have been a little more quiet than normal for the last couple of weeks. It actually made me laugh out loud because about 6 weeks ago she came into my office and asked me the exact same question because she thought that I was being "meaner than normal" to some of the employees. Nobody at the office knows anything about me ever using tobacco or the fact that I have now stopped using it. I don't think I will ever tell them.

Still no sign of Preston. He hasn't even logged into the site since the 4th. I never had him pegged as a caver.

kybo:
Originally posted on March 8th, 2018.



Kybo
Posts    547
Quit Date    1-7-2018
Quitter

08 Mar 2018, 09:35 #15
Day 61.

I feel great! Maybe a little fatter than I was a few months ago, but I feel fucking great!!

I have a few minutes this morning and was going to post something about myself again, but when I came into the Introductions page I noticed there were 83 Guests viewing our Intro pages. I was the only actual member logged in to the Intro section at the time. 83 guests were in here just looking around. So, I thought this morning I would write a short message just for you guys/gals that are in here looking around.

You guests are obviously here for a reason. What is that reason? Obviously you are at least thinking about quitting or you wouldn't be here. My advice is to go ahead and create a username and join the conversation for a couple days. It is completely free and you can choose to remain anonymous. You only have to tell people what you want to tell them. And, there are a lot more sections filled with great advice and great people that you can see and interact with once you become a member. Did I already mention it is completely free? Come on in, the water is nice and warm. I promise we don't bite and most of us don't even pee in the pool anymore. Every one of us was once in your shoes. We know what you are going through right now.

When I first stopped using tobacco it felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head for the first four days. And my jaw hurt which kind of freaked me out a little bit. I also had a headache that came and went for a couple of weeks. I didn't sleep much in the beginning either. I would have been totally freaked out if I hadn't joined KTC and talked to people that had been thru the same things I was going thru. They assured me it was normal and that it would get better. And they were right.

What are you waiting for? All the cool kids are doing it. Come quit with us and see how good it makes you feel.

kybo:
Originally posted on March 5th, 2018

On my 38th day quit I skipped a funeral and played hooky from work by saying I was going to the funeral. That day has been the hardest for me so far. I had worked with the guy for seven years when I was younger and he was probably my best friend at that time in my life. I had every intention of going to his funeral, but when I woke up that morning I just couldn’t do it. I was feeling very depressed and the funeral was two hours away from me. I had almost convinced myself to say fuck it and buy a can of chew for the drive. What difference would it make? We are all going to die eventually, right? I logged onto KTC and posted roll that morning and I knew immediately after that I wasn’t going anywhere. I can’t call that a win, it was more of a no decision. I feel like shit for being too weak to show my respect to a guy that meant that much to me. But, I didn’t have a chew that day. If you want to judge me, go ahead. He is dead and nothing will change that. This is just one more demon that will keep me up at night.

kybo:
I am going to move some of my Intro diary posts over from Take-a-shit (aka Tapatalk).


Originally posted on January 13th, 2018

48 years old, been chewing on and off since I was 14. Married with two children. I have always been a bit of a loner.

So, why am I here?

About a year ago my only sister died from breast cancer. It was tough watching her battle to the end. It was even tougher watching her husband and children deal with what we all knew was coming. My sister lived a healthy lifestyle. Never smoked, never drank, nor did she take drugs. She ate fairly healthy and exercised regularly. Yet, she was dead at the age of fifty. I honestly was in a state of shock for several months. But then, I took a look around and realized that I didn't want to put my wife and kids through that kind of hell if I could help it. I knew I was going to quit chewing, but I just kept making up excuses to buy another can. In November I finally made the decision to start cutting back on how much I chewed every day. By December, I had myself down to 3 small chews a day. I stuck with the 3 chews a day all the way to January 7th. I knew by then that I was an addict. I was going through withdrawals every day between my 3 small chews. Every day for over a month. It wasn't getting any easier. Cutting back wasn't working because I was still feeding the beast, and the beast was always hungry.

Then, on January 7th my wife and kids went shopping, leaving me at home by myself. I immediately put in my chew and flipped on the television. There was a documentary on about Stevie Ray Vaughn. They were showing an old interview that SRV did after he came out of rehab for his alcohol and drug addictions. I am going to paraphrase a little bit, but he basically said, " You can't stay at the party forever. Eventually that shit is going to kill you." I have no idea why that statement hit me so hard, but it hit me square in the face like a freight train. I am not a young kid any more. I have been abusing my body for over 30 years. I have definitely stayed at the fucking party too long.

I spit out my chew at 11:55 am on Sunday, January 7th. The next 36 hours were pretty rough. It felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head. But, I stuck with it. I stuck with it for my wife and kids. I stuck with it for my sister, who nicknamed me kybo when I was a toddler. And I stuck with it for my mother in the hope that she won't have to endure burying her only remaining child.

I am an addict. This morning I made a pledge to not have a chew, and I didn't have a chew today. Tomorrow I will make the same pledge.

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