KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: ankape on October 27, 2019, 02:35:08 AM
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First off...I am a woman...
My addiction started with redman when I was about 14 while working with a bunch of guys at a ski hill. I had no idea what I was getting myself into....
I have hidden my habit from everyone except my husband and my best friend. I’ve tried to...or wanted to quit almost as long as I’ve done it. I came here seeking motivation and read Tom Kern’s story. The idea that my choice to continue this habit will cause such pain to those who love me is more than I can handle. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to quit forever.
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First off...I am a woman...
My addiction started with redman when I was about 14 while working with a bunch of guys at a ski hill. I had no idea what I was getting myself into....
I have hidden my habit from everyone except my husband and my best friend. I’ve tried to...or wanted to quit almost as long as I’ve done it. I came here seeking motivation and read Tom Kern’s story. The idea that my choice to continue this habit will cause such pain to those who love me is more than I can handle. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to quit forever.
@ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) great job making the decision to quit. You have come to the right place. Head over to the Feb20 group and post your promise assuming you have stopped using nicotine. Your day 1 is the day you made the decision to stop. We quit one day at a time. Wake up and post your promise first thing in the morning and then keep your word. Repeat the process the following day. Fellow quitters will be reaching out via messages to exchange digits and offer support. This is normal but only exchange digits through messages and not the forum. Drink a ton of water and get extra rest. You can do this. Here is the link to your group https://ktcforum.org/index.php?topic=15988.msg7550844#msg7550844
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First off...I am a woman...
My addiction started with redman when I was about 14 while working with a bunch of guys at a ski hill. I had no idea what I was getting myself into....
I have hidden my habit from everyone except my husband and my best friend. I’ve tried to...or wanted to quit almost as long as I’ve done it. I came here seeking motivation and read Tom Kern’s story. The idea that my choice to continue this habit will cause such pain to those who love me is more than I can handle. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to quit forever.
Welcome @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) ,
First, flush whatever you have left down the toilet. Second, post your promise to remain nicotine free for today Go Here to Post (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?topic=15988.50). Third, KEEP YOUR PROMISE. Fourth, Repeat Daily.
If you can do those things, you will succeed. You have to want it for yourself, not for anyone else. We have several female quitters here that you can reach out to if it makes you feel more comfortable. @FLLipOut (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=53) , @harvestgirl (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=98) , @ChickDip (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=164) . @L8x55d (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=14776) , @Falcon67 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=484) , @Lady G (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=235) are a few of the Bad Ass female quitters here.
After you post roll, start exchanging digits with those ladies as well as any of the other quitters you want. My digits are always available. I actually text FLLipOut and L8x55d daily and them me.
Now a little bit of correction, you do not have a tobacco habit, you have a nicotine addiction. You need to come to terms with that. A habit you can break, like biting your nails, an addiction stays with you until the day you die. But, you can live your life without letting your addiction control your life. We can show you how.
The choice is now yours,
Chris
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First off...I am a woman...
My addiction started with redman when I was about 14 while working with a bunch of guys at a ski hill. I had no idea what I was getting myself into....
I have hidden my habit from everyone except my husband and my best friend. I’ve tried to...or wanted to quit almost as long as I’ve done it. I came here seeking motivation and read Tom Kern’s story. The idea that my choice to continue this habit will cause such pain to those who love me is more than I can handle. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to quit forever.
Welcome @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) ,
First, flush whatever you have left down the toilet. Second, post your promise to remain nicotine free for today Go Here to Post (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?topic=15988.50). Third, KEEP YOUR PROMISE. Fourth, Repeat Daily.
If you can do those things, you will succeed. You have to want it for yourself, not for anyone else. We have several female quitters here that you can reach out to if it makes you feel more comfortable. @FLLipOut (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=53) , @harvestgirl (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=98) , @ChickDip (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=164) . @L8x55d (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=14776) , @Falcon67 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=484) , @Lady G (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=235) are a few of the Bad Ass female quitters here.
After you post roll, start exchanging digits with those ladies as well as any of the other quitters you want. My digits are always available. I actually text FLLipOut and L8x55d daily and them me.
Now a little bit of correction, you do not have a tobacco habit, you have a nicotine addiction. You need to come to terms with that. A habit you can break, like biting your nails, an addiction stays with you until the day you die. But, you can live your life without letting your addiction control your life. We can show you how.
The choice is now yours,
Chris
Hi there! I am also a woman.....and this place and these people here saved my life. Now, I had to do the work.....but I was never alone. The battle you are going to enter is tough so you have to be fierce. If you want to be clean and free you will be.....if you use this place to help you.
1. Make yourself the promise to not use nicotine ( this is your ADDICTION not your habit). Be all in or it wont work no matter what.
2. Make the promise to us here that you will fight all day and not use any form of nicotine....no patch no gum no nothing. All you have to do is deal with today....24 hours....and we deal with tokorrow....tomorrow. your promise is called posting roll.....and your worst is everything here.
3. Keep the promise.
4. Tomorrow we will do it again.
We quit here and everyone will help you get through this.....we have all been there. We have all had our last dip and been fearful yet motivated, scared of the what if and how.....but we are here to help you.
We quit here with you because we want you to be quit. Freedom from nicotine is the most incredible thing you will ever discover and you will NEVER regret it.
I quit here with you......but FOR ME. See, hearing what you are dealing with, helping you along minute by minute until it begins day by day....it all helps me remember where I dont want to be....it helps keep me Quit.
Do not ever forget day one.....because you dont ever want to go back here......ready? Here we go...
LADY G day 2129 Quit
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First off...I am a woman...
My addiction started with redman when I was about 14 while working with a bunch of guys at a ski hill. I had no idea what I was getting myself into....
I have hidden my habit from everyone except my husband and my best friend. I’ve tried to...or wanted to quit almost as long as I’ve done it. I came here seeking motivation and read Tom Kern’s story. The idea that my choice to continue this habit will cause such pain to those who love me is more than I can handle. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to quit forever.
Welcome @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) ,
First, flush whatever you have left down the toilet. Second, post your promise to remain nicotine free for today Go Here to Post (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?topic=15988.50). Third, KEEP YOUR PROMISE. Fourth, Repeat Daily.
If you can do those things, you will succeed. You have to want it for yourself, not for anyone else. We have several female quitters here that you can reach out to if it makes you feel more comfortable. @FLLipOut (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=53) , @harvestgirl (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=98) , @ChickDip (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=164) . @L8x55d (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=14776) , @Falcon67 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=484) , @Lady G (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=235) are a few of the Bad Ass female quitters here.
After you post roll, start exchanging digits with those ladies as well as any of the other quitters you want. My digits are always available. I actually text FLLipOut and L8x55d daily and them me.
Now a little bit of correction, you do not have a tobacco habit, you have a nicotine addiction. You need to come to terms with that. A habit you can break, like biting your nails, an addiction stays with you until the day you die. But, you can live your life without letting your addiction control your life. We can show you how.
The choice is now yours,
Chris
Hi there! I am also a woman.....and this place and these people here saved my life. Now, I had to do the work.....but I was never alone. The battle you are going to enter is tough so you have to be fierce. If you want to be clean and free you will be.....if you use this place to help you.
1. Make yourself the promise to not use nicotine ( this is your ADDICTION not your habit). Be all in or it wont work no matter what.
2. Make the promise to us here that you will fight all day and not use any form of nicotine....no patch no gum no nothing. All you have to do is deal with today....24 hours....and we deal with tomorrow....tomorrow. Your promise is what we do when we post roll.....and your word is everything here.
3. Keep the promise.
4. Tomorrow we will do it again.
We quit here and everyone will help you get through this.....we have all been there. We have all had our last dip and been fearful yet motivated, scared of the what if and how.....but we are here to help you. We stood exactly where you are now.
We quit here with you because we want YOU to be quit......Freedom from nicotine is the most incredible thing you will ever discover and you will NEVER regret it.
I quit here with you......but FOR ME. See, hearing what you are dealing with, helping you along minute by minute until it becomes day by day....it all helps me remember where I dont want to be....it helps stay me Quit.
Do not ever forget day one.....because you don't ever want to go back here......ready? Here we go...
LADY G day 2129 Quit
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First off...I am a woman...
My addiction started with redman when I was about 14 while working with a bunch of guys at a ski hill. I had no idea what I was getting myself into....
I have hidden my habit from everyone except my husband and my best friend. I’ve tried to...or wanted to quit almost as long as I’ve done it. I came here seeking motivation and read Tom Kern’s story. The idea that my choice to continue this habit will cause such pain to those who love me is more than I can handle. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to quit forever.
I quit with you today sister....my name is John...I started dipping at the age of 17 and 27 days I quit dipping after 33 years ....you can do this...I support you It is hard at first but it gets better....there are alot of lady dippers here that are really helpfull and have good info @Lady G (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=235) . reach out to them that is how this works. If you need me let me know.
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let me tell you a little secrit bout quitin... it aint all that hard. but shit some days it aint eezy.
there will be days ware you dont wanna get out a bed.
there will be days you dont rememember gettin out a bed or how you got to work.
there will be days you dont evin rememember how to do your job.
...or have splittin head aches
...or wanna kill your husband on a count of he is breethin to loud
...or go postal on those ass holes at work
and gess what? thats pritty normal. but this is a good place to come and cuss bout it all. and pritty soon it will be over. and all that bad shit will be (mostly) ahind you. (sorry the ass holes at work will still be there) then there will be days ware you think 'this is so eezy. i dont need to post roll no more.' well dont think that.
for the next cupple a weeks this place will be the best place to be. reed up on some intros and hof speeches. and swap digits. mine are free for the price a nuthin more than a i.m. i will be quittin with you evry day in feb rite thru the hall a fame. and i wont be goin any wares after that.
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Like nearly everyone else I’ve talked with here, I had quit before KTC numerous times. Once I quit for nearly a year and a half!! I got complacent. Up until KTC I’ve always been isolated with my addiction. My husband was gone for a 3 week assignment and I didn’t have anyone around who I felt might even kind of understand.
My weakness slowly started to grow. We had some family stress and the thoughts came...then I couldn’t stop thinking about it...I caved and bought, but didn’t open....then I opened and smelled but closed it back up....well. After I caved I just bawled. I had worked so hard and now it was gone in an instant.
I am so incredibly thankful for all of the people here who have reached out to me. Amazing people are willing to spend their time to help me save myself from this addiction.
So thankful for you all!!
I look forward to paying it forward in the years to come!!
QFL-ODAAT
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Like nearly everyone else I’ve talked with here, I had quit before KTC numerous times. Once I quit for nearly a year and a half!! I got complacent. Up until KTC I’ve always been isolated with my addiction. My husband was gone for a 3 week assignment and I didn’t have anyone around who I felt might even kind of understand.
My weakness slowly started to grow. We had some family stress and the thoughts came...then I couldn’t stop thinking about it...I caved and bought, but didn’t open....then I opened and smelled but closed it back up....well. After I caved I just bawled. I had worked so hard and now it was gone in an instant.
I am so incredibly thankful for all of the people here who have reached out to me. Amazing people are willing to spend their time to help me save myself from this addiction.
So thankful for you all!!
I look forward to paying it forward in the years to come!!
QFL-ODAAT
Hey, if it makes you feel any better... I had quit for 4 years before having "just one." I could not believe how quickly I was hooked again. Within a week. I went on to smoke for another 26 years (with a few stoppages in between), so you were a lot smarter than me!!!
The good news, is at least this time you understand that "you can't have just one" means exactly that and I bet that makes your quit that much stronger this time! And now that you have found KTC you are in even better shape, as long as you continue to chug that KTC Kool-Aid and WUPP every day.
If you are looking for more support, send me your digits.
FLLipOut aka FLLIP, day 1,201
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Day 12. My skin is breaking out. I’m bloated, I can’t concentrate. I’ve battled through days that I’ve cried over every little thing. My hormones are experiencing the college life I guess....
I know these things will fade, I’ve been there before. I know I will become weak at some point, I’ve been there before. This time though- I know it’s coming and I have a plan, and this time I have incredible people here that I WILL NOT betray!
“When I crack, cuz I know I'll crack... I'm not going to give in.” ~ChickDip
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Day 12. My skin is breaking out. I’m bloated, I can’t concentrate. I’ve battled through days that I’ve cried over every little thing. My hormones are experiencing the college life I guess....
I know these things will fade, I’ve been there before. I know I will become weak at some point, I’ve been there before. This time though- I know it’s coming and I have a plan, and this time I have incredible people here that I WILL NOT betray!
“When I crack, cuz I know I'll crack... I'm not going to give in.” ~ChickDip
Great job having a plan. Use your tools and remember to foster those relationships. We all need a helping hand from time to time.
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Day 12. My skin is breaking out. I’m bloated, I can’t concentrate. I’ve battled through days that I’ve cried over every little thing. My hormones are experiencing the college life I guess....
I know these things will fade, I’ve been there before. I know I will become weak at some point, I’ve been there before. This time though- I know it’s coming and I have a plan, and this time I have incredible people here that I WILL NOT betray!
“When I crack, cuz I know I'll crack... I'm not going to give in.” ~ChickDip
Great job having a plan. Use your tools and remember to foster those relationships. We all need a helping hand from time to time.
You got my digits ankape. Use them if you need to. You are stronger than you think though and I know you will prevail.
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Day 12. My skin is breaking out. I’m bloated, I can’t concentrate. I’ve battled through days that I’ve cried over every little thing. My hormones are experiencing the college life I guess....
I know these things will fade, I’ve been there before. I know I will become weak at some point, I’ve been there before. This time though- I know it’s coming and I have a plan, and this time I have incredible people here that I WILL NOT betray!
“When I crack, cuz I know I'll crack... I'm not going to give in.” ~ChickDip
Great job having a plan. Use your tools and remember to foster those relationships. We all need a helping hand from time to time.
You got my digits ankape. Use them if you need to. You are stronger than you think though and I know you will prevail.
It sucks but the great thing is you only have to go through this hell ONCE as long as you keep nic out of your body. Sunnier skies ahead, girl, I promise.
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Day 14
I’ve been struggling to really wrap my mind around the “only quit for yourself” idea.
I kept thinking, “My head isn’t right here. I have to figure this out. Am I quitting for myself? Feels like I want this for those I love and those who love me. How do I quit for me?”
So, I asked myself a couple serious, tough questions:
1) If I was told I was going to die in 6 months regardless of my choices, would I start again?
2) If I tragically lost all of my loved ones, would I start again?
My answer was, “Yes. Why would I not?”
These questions brought to light, for me, the fact that my addiction doesn’t care about my situation. These are extreme situations but the idea is the same. “Will nicotine help me here?” NO...but it is waiting for any weakness on any level. Waiting for an opportunity to be a crutch.
I must draw that hard line that says I will NEVER lean on nicotine again- for ANYTHING . NO. MATTER. WHAT. If I don’t it’ll eventually get me back.
Draw the line. Hold the line.
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Day 14
I’ve been struggling to really wrap my mind around the “only quit for yourself” idea.
I kept thinking, “My head isn’t right here. I have to figure this out. Am I quitting for myself? Feels like I want this for those I love and those who love me. How do I quit for me?”
So, I asked myself a couple serious, tough questions:
1) If I was told I was going to die in 6 months regardless of my choices, would I start again?
2) If I tragically lost all of my loved ones, would I start again?
My answer was, “Yes. Why would I not?”
These questions brought to light, for me, the fact that my addiction doesn’t care about my situation. These are extreme situations but the idea is the same. “Will nicotine help me here?” NO...but it is waiting for any weakness on any level. Waiting for an opportunity to be a crutch.
I must draw that hard line that says I will NEVER lean on nicotine again- for ANYTHING . NO. MATTER. WHAT. If I don’t it’ll eventually get me back.
Draw the line. Hold the line.
1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems. It is never the solution. I am glad you see the light. You are doing great @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) . Keep quitting ODAAT and before you know it you will have a bunch of days under your belt and life will be so much better.
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Day 14
I’ve been struggling to really wrap my mind around the “only quit for yourself” idea.
I kept thinking, “My head isn’t right here. I have to figure this out. Am I quitting for myself? Feels like I want this for those I love and those who love me. How do I quit for me?”
So, I asked myself a couple serious, tough questions:
1) If I was told I was going to die in 6 months regardless of my choices, would I start again?
2) If I tragically lost all of my loved ones, would I start again?
My answer was, “Yes. Why would I not?”
These questions brought to light, for me, the fact that my addiction doesn’t care about my situation. These are extreme situations but the idea is the same. “Will nicotine help me here?” NO...but it is waiting for any weakness on any level. Waiting for an opportunity to be a crutch.
I must draw that hard line that says I will NEVER lean on nicotine again- for ANYTHING . NO. MATTER. WHAT. If I don’t it’ll eventually get me back.
Draw the line. Hold the line.
@ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) I knew when I quit...I did quit for me. I had been dipping for 33 years, I would wake up and think about it, plan vacations around it, plan holidays around it, plan my day around it, plan the hour around it, plan the minute around it. I finally asked myself If I was really seriously planning my Life around this dead plant that had been poisoning me for the past 33 years. I asked myself the same questions you did to yourself, and came to the same conclusion......Will nicotine help me here? NOPE..every time I think about a dip, I just tell myself, if I need to put a dead plant in my mouth it can be Mint leafs or sunflower seeds. Proud to be quit with you today.
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Day 15
I was hesitant to put my thoughts out there yesterday. I am glad I did though, because I found the answers I was hoping for....If I had this all figured out on my own- I wouldn’t have joined KTC. Turns out...you don’t know what you don’t know. I have learned things from my friends here that has finally given me that “aha” moment.
My list of “motivations” are sort of a combination of for me and for others and it’s a mile long.
-being a good example to my kids
-being able to help my kids not to start without being a hypocrite
-showing my family that they matter enough to take care of myself
-reduce the chance of cancer
-balancing my mood and spending quality time with my loved ones
-taking care of my teeth
- not constantly worrying about spots in my mouth
- not having my family have to worry about my health
-not having to hide or sneak around
-not having to have awkward conversations fearing they can see it
-doing my next triathlon without a nicotine gut ache
-save the money
….the list goes on
My REASON for quitting is simple.
—I love my life!!. I only get this one.
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Day 18
This morning my oldest son (6) comes running up to me saying that my youngest daughter (almost 2) had gotten into my bathroom bag.
—my bathroom bag is a bag of all my shower things that I pack around with me for work. I always kept my can in a compartment of this bag—
My first thought was of the possibility that she’d gotten the dip...followed shortly by tremendous relief that it wasn’t possible cause it wasn’t there. (She only got my mascara and smeared it around)
It makes me feel absolutely sick that it is even a struggle. Logically it’s so clear!! It shows the power of this addiction...Thankful for freedom!
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Day 20
Today was big in a small way. I worked with two guys in my department that dip and they leave their cans in the lounge. Seeing them dip has weakened me to failure in the past- especially after high adrenaline trauma days. But today I looked right at the cans, I watched them put dips in and some words of wisdom came into my head and replaced the dwelling desires. Of the most powerful is, “when that thought pops into my head- I visualize myself lying on my deathbed with half a jaw, looking at the beautiful faces of my family as they tell me goodbye because I wasn’t strong enough to quit this shit” ...makes it feel like {it’s not that hard} in that moment and repeat as needed.
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WINNING!!
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ankape.... one a these days we will get you doin longer triathlons ;) im sad they took away the full iren man out to coeur. i bonked at mile 80 on the bike and wanted to go back and finish (the race was in june but dam that lake was cold!)
also misry loves company so do fuggin dippers. if your co workers ever offer up a dip heres what you need to do (this heres the indoor version.)
take can.
smile.
open can.
dump in trash. the dirtyest smellyest trash you can find.
return empty with smile.
repete as needed til they dont offer any more.
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ankape.... one a these days we will get you doin longer triathlons ;) im sad they took away the full iren man out to coeur. i bonked at mile 80 on the bike and wanted to go back and finish (the race was in june but dam that lake was cold!)
also misry loves company so do fuggin dippers. if your co workers ever offer up a dip heres what you need to do (this heres the indoor version.)
take can.
smile.
open can.
dump in trash. the dirtyest smellyest trash you can find.
return empty with smile.
repete as needed til they dont offer any more.
I bet I’ll end up doing one someday! Don’t feel like I have the time right now with the kids so little.
Yes! That lake is cold all year, but June it’s still straight snow melt
My coworkers, and pretty much everyone, don’t know about my addiction. And they’d be SO shocked. Probably makes it easier at this point really. I should just hid it tho and watch them panick!
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Day 22
The sad thing is...I am addicted, and in that I will be consumed by the addiction, at least to some extent, for my whole life. Whether I use or not, it takes my focus, energy and time.
Before I met all you badasses, I didn’t realize this. For 16 years I’d hidden my addiction (not habit...thanks guys!) from pretty much everyone.
When I failed on my own before- I know it’s because I became complacent. But it’s also because I let the addict brain tell me it was “harder for me” and that “only I struggled for so long” and “I’m just making everyone around me miserable by being a little bitch- they don’t deserve this” ...and these thoughts eventually broke me down.
{-motivation is a daily exercise- }
I guess basically, I’ve come to realize that my addiction is going to take my focus, energy and time whether I use or not.
I’d rather feel good and proud that the focus, energy and time is being spent not using.
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Day 22
The sad thing is...I am addicted, and in that I will be consumed by the addiction, at least to some extent, for my whole life. Whether I use or not, it takes my focus, energy and time.
Before I met all you badasses, I didn’t realize this. For 16 years I’d hidden my addiction (not habit...thanks guys!) from pretty much everyone.
When I failed on my own before- I know it’s because I became complacent. But it’s also because I let the addict brain tell me it was “harder for me” and that “only I struggled for so long” and “I’m just making everyone around me miserable by being a little bitch- they don’t deserve this” ...and these thoughts eventually broke me down.
{-motivation is a daily exercise- }
I guess basically, I’ve come to realize that my addiction is going to take my focus, energy and time whether I use or not.
I’d rather feel good and proud that the focus, energy and time is being spent not using.
May I offer a small bit of hope?
It will get better. Cure never happens, the addiction will lurk. However the future is brighter than you realize right now.
At 22 bad ass days, you should start experiencing good days as well as tough days. By Hall of Fame the balance will be mostly good days. Then it keeps getting better.
I am on day 1645. It still gets better for me each day. Bad days are rare... and really they are moments not days.
Keep this journal going, you are doing great! Again: better days ahead.
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Day 22
The sad thing is...I am addicted, and in that I will be consumed by the addiction, at least to some extent, for my whole life. Whether I use or not, it takes my focus, energy and time.
Before I met all you badasses, I didn’t realize this. For 16 years I’d hidden my addiction (not habit...thanks guys!) from pretty much everyone.
When I failed on my own before- I know it’s because I became complacent. But it’s also because I let the addict brain tell me it was “harder for me” and that “only I struggled for so long” and “I’m just making everyone around me miserable by being a little bitch- they don’t deserve this” ...and these thoughts eventually broke me down.
{-motivation is a daily exercise- }
I guess basically, I’ve come to realize that my addiction is going to take my focus, energy and time whether I use or not.
I’d rather feel good and proud that the focus, energy and time is being spent not using.
May I offer a small bit of hope?
It will get better. Cure never happens, the addiction will lurk. However the future is brighter than you realize right now.
At 22 bad ass days, you should start experiencing good days as well as tough days. By Hall of Fame the balance will be mostly good days. Then it keeps getting better.
I am on day 1645. It still gets better for me each day. Bad days are rare... and really they are moments not days.
Keep this journal going, you are doing great! Again: better days ahead.
And there will be terrible days that have nothing to do with your addiction.
Some of us have lost our pets, our jobs, our loved ones.... there will be days moving forward that feel like the darkest days but only one thing would make them darker, giving in.
Never Again For Any Reason!
Nothing in this entire world is better with nicotine... nothing.
But like my friend No posted, it gets good to a point you can't imagine.
Proud to quit with you!
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Day 22
The sad thing is...I am addicted, and in that I will be consumed by the addiction, at least to some extent, for my whole life. Whether I use or not, it takes my focus, energy and time.
Before I met all you badasses, I didn’t realize this. For 16 years I’d hidden my addiction (not habit...thanks guys!) from pretty much everyone.
When I failed on my own before- I know it’s because I became complacent. But it’s also because I let the addict brain tell me it was “harder for me” and that “only I struggled for so long” and “I’m just making everyone around me miserable by being a little bitch- they don’t deserve this” ...and these thoughts eventually broke me down.
{-motivation is a daily exercise- }
I guess basically, I’ve come to realize that my addiction is going to take my focus, energy and time whether I use or not.
I’d rather feel good and proud that the focus, energy and time is being spent not using.
May I offer a small bit of hope?
It will get better. Cure never happens, the addiction will lurk. However the future is brighter than you realize right now.
At 22 bad ass days, you should start experiencing good days as well as tough days. By Hall of Fame the balance will be mostly good days. Then it keeps getting better.
I am on day 1645. It still gets better for me each day. Bad days are rare... and really they are moments not days.
Keep this journal going, you are doing great! Again: better days ahead.
And there will be terrible days that have nothing to do with your addiction.
Some of us have lost our pets, our jobs, our loved ones.... there will be days moving forward that feel like the darkest days but only one thing would make them darker, giving in.
Never Again For Any Reason!
Nothing in this entire world is better with nicotine... nothing.
But like my friend No posted, it gets good to a point you can't imagine.
Proud to quit with you!
These guys! They are wise!
They follow the ones before them.
Simple process of a difficult journey.
At times it will feel consuming..but in time it will get easier. But it will never leave. That's why your daily promise is key. I'm proud to quit with you today. 1692.
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Day 22
The sad thing is...I am addicted, and in that I will be consumed by the addiction, at least to some extent, for my whole life. Whether I use or not, it takes my focus, energy and time.
Before I met all you badasses, I didn’t realize this. For 16 years I’d hidden my addiction (not habit...thanks guys!) from pretty much everyone.
When I failed on my own before- I know it’s because I became complacent. But it’s also because I let the addict brain tell me it was “harder for me” and that “only I struggled for so long” and “I’m just making everyone around me miserable by being a little bitch- they don’t deserve this” ...and these thoughts eventually broke me down.
{-motivation is a daily exercise- }
I guess basically, I’ve come to realize that my addiction is going to take my focus, energy and time whether I use or not.
I’d rather feel good and proud that the focus, energy and time is being spent not using.
May I offer a small bit of hope?
It will get better. Cure never happens, the addiction will lurk. However the future is brighter than you realize right now.
At 22 bad ass days, you should start experiencing good days as well as tough days. By Hall of Fame the balance will be mostly good days. Then it keeps getting better.
I am on day 1645. It still gets better for me each day. Bad days are rare... and really they are moments not days.
Keep this journal going, you are doing great! Again: better days ahead.
And there will be terrible days that have nothing to do with your addiction.
Some of us have lost our pets, our jobs, our loved ones.... there will be days moving forward that feel like the darkest days but only one thing would make them darker, giving in.
Never Again For Any Reason!
Nothing in this entire world is better with nicotine... nothing.
But like my friend No posted, it gets good to a point you can't imagine.
Proud to quit with you!
These guys! They are wise!
They follow the ones before them.
Simple process of a difficult journey.
At times it will feel consuming..but in time it will get easier. But it will never leave. That's why your daily promise is key. I'm proud to quit with you today. 1692.
I can't add much more to what these quit legends have already said. Trust us, yes, we will always be addicts and no, we can never unring that damn bell, but in time things will get better and better and so much better. I am asking you to just trust us on this. One day at a time girl!
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@ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914)
Thanks for keeping track of your quit and sharing your experiences with all of us. I seem to have similar motivations. When I feel weak and I'm headed for a cave, I also picture my wife and kids. What will their facial expressions be when I tell them I'm sick? Terror? Disgust? What will they say? What will other's say? I quit for myself but my strongest motivation is definitely my family. Truth is, if I did not have to be accountable to them, I don't think I could be accountable to anyone else.
Sounds like you may be a first responder? I'm a firefighter (LT)/emt in Massachusetts. This job certainly has unique triggers for the nic addict. Reach out if you want to vent about it.
You are doing great!! I see you all over the site. Keep doing what you are doing and you will make it through the suck.
PTBQWYT my friend. -John
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@ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914)
Thanks for keeping track of your quit and sharing your experiences with all of us. I seem to have similar motivations. When I feel weak and I'm headed for a cave, I also picture my wife and kids. What will their facial expressions be when I tell them I'm sick? Terror? Disgust? What will they say? What will other's say? I quit for myself but my strongest motivation is definitely my family. Truth is, if I did not have to be accountable to them, I don't think I could be accountable to anyone else.
Sounds like you may be a first responder? I'm a firefighter (LT)/emt in Massachusetts. This job certainly has unique triggers for the nic addict. Reach out if you want to vent about it.
You are doing great!! I see you all over the site. Keep doing what you are doing and you will make it through the suck.
PTBQWYT my friend. -John
@EXBEARHAG (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=14879) I work in a hospital -imaging/ER. Not the day to day stress I’m sure you see...but I’ve seen a lot of things I wish I hadn’t. Maybe enough I can feel for you....? I was a wildland firefighter for a couple years in college, I know that’s a totally different world than structure!! I appreciate you and damn proud to quit with you!!
~Annette
@ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) It takes a special kind of person to work in an ER. Lots of respect for you folks and I'm sure you've experienced your share of stress. They tell me nic doesn't help with stress management...can't say I buy it yet but these guys haven't led me in the wrong direction so far. Thank you for all you do and I couldn't be more proud to call you sister.
-John
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Day 28
This morning I knew I would be facing triggers on a drive...I had myself psyched enough I almost took a different route. Then I thought, “that’s so stupid, (rolled up sleeves) NiC Bitch- let’s rumble!!” I realized that I’m really not scared to fight her face on- and if I proactively kick her ass every day she will know better than to try to jump me in a dark alley.
“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship” ~ Denzel Washington
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Day 28
This morning I knew I would be facing triggers on a drive...I had myself psyched enough I almost took a different route. Then I thought, “that’s so stupid, (rolled up sleeves) NiC Bitch- let’s rumble!!” I realized that I’m really not scared to fight her face on- and if I proactively kick her ass every day she will know better than to try to jump me in a dark alley.
“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship” ~ Denzel Washington
You got it exactly right.
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Day 28
This morning I knew I would be facing triggers on a drive...I had myself psyched enough I almost took a different route. Then I thought, “that’s so stupid, (rolled up sleeves) NiC Bitch- let’s rumble!!” I realized that I’m really not scared to fight her face on- and if I proactively kick her ass every day she will know better than to try to jump me in a dark alley.
“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship” ~ Denzel Washington
You got it exactly right.
I love that you are rumbling with the Nic Bitch -- You go girl!!
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Day 28
This morning I knew I would be facing triggers on a drive...I had myself psyched enough I almost took a different route. Then I thought, “that’s so stupid, (rolled up sleeves) NiC Bitch- let’s rumble!!” I realized that I’m really not scared to fight her face on- and if I proactively kick her ass every day she will know better than to try to jump me in a dark alley.
“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship” ~ Denzel Washington
You got it exactly right.
I love that you are rumbling with the Nic Bitch -- You go girl!!
Ankape I admire your will and moxie. I'd share a foxhole with you any day girl. Thanks for leading the way.
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Day 28
This morning I knew I would be facing triggers on a drive...I had myself psyched enough I almost took a different route. Then I thought, “that’s so stupid, (rolled up sleeves) NiC Bitch- let’s rumble!!” I realized that I’m really not scared to fight her face on- and if I proactively kick her ass every day she will know better than to try to jump me in a dark alley.
“Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship” ~ Denzel Washington
You got it exactly right.
I love that you are rumbling with the Nic Bitch -- You go girl!!
Ankape I admire your will and moxie. I'd share a foxhole with you any day girl. Thanks for leading the way.
"The best way out is always through." - Robert Frost.
You are definitely on the right track. You cannot break the triggers without facing them head on! Keep up the great work!!!
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Day 38
Yesterday my husband hurt his back, he could barely move and my kids all got a stomach virus. (I know that’s just a paragraph of life…but it brought me to something.)
Been struggling the past few days really, but in this time of feeling extra overwhelmed, I found myself resenting KTC.
I was right in the middle of negative thoughts about why I am here, when I realized what was REALLY happening. The knowledge I’ve gained here- kicked in.
I started thinking about all the people here and all their quit days. KTC DOES work...it obviously works. I realized it was me, once again, slowly falling prey to the manipulation of the nic bitch. Oh, how tenacious she is at hi-jacking my thoughts. Of course my addict brain would try to drive me away from anything that’s keeping me quit!
I see you there...bitch... NOT this time!
Work as hard at saving your life as you used to work to destroy it.
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Day 39
It is true. Press on. Great days follow hard days. My quit is strong. Thankful and grateful for all my blessings.
I asked my husband for his perspective of how I was doing. I told him I felt guilty putting them through my roller coaster. He said, “Seems like you’re doing great. I think your mind is just playing tricks on you.” Hmm...cool. Could be like “Does this dress make me look fat?” But oh well I’ll take it!
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Day 39
It is true. Press on. Great days follow hard days. My quit is strong. Thankful and grateful for all my blessings.
I asked my husband for his perspective of how I was doing. I told him I felt guilty putting them through my roller coaster. He said, “Seems like you’re doing great. I think your mind is just playing tricks on you.” Hmm...cool. Could be like “Does this dress make me look fat?” But oh well I’ll take it!
BMC's Wife: “Does this dress make me look fat?”
BMC's Response: “Seems like you’re doing great. I think your mind is just playing tricks on you.”
786
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Day 39
It is true. Press on. Great days follow hard days. My quit is strong. Thankful and grateful for all my blessings.
I asked my husband for his perspective of how I was doing. I told him I felt guilty putting them through my roller coaster. He said, “Seems like you’re doing great. I think your mind is just playing tricks on you.” Hmm...cool. Could be like “Does this dress make me look fat?” But oh well I’ll take it!
BMC's Wife: “Does this dress make me look fat?”
BMC's Response: “Seems like you’re doing great. I think your mind is just playing tricks on you.”
786
@BluManChew (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=34)
You’re welcome!!! roflmao
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Day 38
Yesterday my husband hurt his back, he could barely move and my kids all got a stomach virus. (I know that’s just a paragraph of life…but it brought me to something.)
Been struggling the past few days really, but in this time of feeling extra overwhelmed, I found myself resenting KTC.
I was right in the middle of negative thoughts about why I am here, when I realized what was REALLY happening. The knowledge I’ve gained here- kicked in.
I started thinking about all the people here and all their quit days. KTC DOES work...it obviously works. I realized it was me, once again, slowly falling prey to the manipulation of the nic bitch. Oh, how tenacious she is at hi-jacking my thoughts. Of course my addict brain would try to drive me away from anything that’s keeping me quit!
I see you there...bitch... NOT this time!
Work as hard at saving your life as you used to work to destroy it.
some moments are defining moments...a paradigm shift. Remember day 38. Embrace day 38. See day 38 for what you were, what you are, and what you can be. Reading your day 38 post strengthened my quit and resolve.
Proud to quit with you.
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Day 38
Yesterday my husband hurt his back, he could barely move and my kids all got a stomach virus. (I know that’s just a paragraph of life…but it brought me to something.)
Been struggling the past few days really, but in this time of feeling extra overwhelmed, I found myself resenting KTC.
I was right in the middle of negative thoughts about why I am here, when I realized what was REALLY happening. The knowledge I’ve gained here- kicked in.
I started thinking about all the people here and all their quit days. KTC DOES work...it obviously works. I realized it was me, once again, slowly falling prey to the manipulation of the nic bitch. Oh, how tenacious she is at hi-jacking my thoughts. Of course my addict brain would try to drive me away from anything that’s keeping me quit!
I see you there...bitch... NOT this time!
Work as hard at saving your life as you used to work to destroy it.
some moments are defining moments...a paradigm shift. Remember day 38. Embrace day 38. See day 38 for what you were, what you are, and what you can be. Reading your day 38 post strengthened my quit and resolve.
Proud to quit with you.
Everything this guy just said ^^^. You have the right frame of mind to make this your one and only quit. Just keep doing what you're doing. When you hit a funk, come back here and re-read your intro. Gain inspiration by reading what your badass has already gotten through. Life will happen, you can use these memories to help you remain quit despite whatever life throws at you
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Looking back on the day I signed up for KTC, I barely remember actually registering. I admit, I definitely didn’t understand what this was all about. I wrote my intro and then rushed off to an appointment. I screwed up roll. But a guy I didn’t know called and talked me through it and then we actually just chatted the rest of my drive. I wouldn’t be here without that call. But, I still didn’t really get it..actually I’m sure that I still don’t- to it’s depths -what it means to be a part of this family...but I think I’m starting to see.
I really should’ve done more research before signing up because, in the very beginning, I was legitimately worried about how this could possibly work for me. A bunch of people yelling at each other on a forum when someone fails to their addiction, fake names and small talk with strangers from the internet…? It was a roller coaster!!! But in the midst of everything, bonds were forming and I couldn’t deny that. People taking the time to check in on me. Advice that changed the way I viewed my addiction. Words of wisdom and strength that reset my mind over and over throughout the day. Relating with other addicts...that’s new...and so valuable!
I had failed on my own...over and over. Some long stops, some short but I was never really, truly quit mentally. The support here is the daily reminder not to allow my addict brain to justify the lies and excuses for any reason. The daily reminder that I AM an addict and always will be. The brotherhood of joining together and fighting the addict in us all. THAT is what I’ve needed. For that I am grateful. For all of you, I am grateful.
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Looking back on the day I signed up for KTC, I barely remember actually registering. I admit, I definitely didn’t understand what this was all about. I wrote my intro and then rushed off to an appointment. I screwed up roll. But a guy I didn’t know called and talked me through it and then we actually just chatted the rest of my drive. I wouldn’t be here without that call. But, I still didn’t really get it..actually I’m sure that I still don’t- to it’s depths -what it means to be a part of this family...but I think I’m starting to see.
I really should’ve done more research before signing up because, in the very beginning, I was legitimately worried about how this could possibly work for me. A bunch of people yelling at each other on a forum when someone fails to their addiction, fake names and small talk with strangers from the internet…? It was a roller coaster!!! But in the midst of everything, bonds were forming and I couldn’t deny that. People taking the time to check in on me. Advice that changed the way I viewed my addiction. Words of wisdom and strength that reset my mind over and over throughout the day. Relating with other addicts...that’s new...and so valuable!
I had failed on my own...over and over. Some long stops, some short but I was never really, truly quit mentally. The support here is the daily reminder not to allow my addict brain to justify the lies and excuses for any reason. The daily reminder that I AM an addict and always will be. The brotherhood of joining together and fighting the addict in us all. THAT is what I’ve needed. For that I am grateful. For all of you, I am grateful.
I know exactly what you're saying. You are a badass quitter and getting stronger every day. Keep up the great work that you've been doing.
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Day 55
Awful deal today at work. My boss was cramming his face with dip after dip trying to get through it. Made me realize and appreciate the freedom I’ve gained. Not having to chain dip -because I couldn’t publicly put one big enough in to get the fix...because it always wanted more...and I was fighting withdrawals at times even with one in...Fuck that. Never goin back again.
1) Life with nic was NOT better.
2) I was NOT easier to be around -in fact very much the opposite due to all the short term withdrawals
3) I am NOT making life harder for those around me by quitting. Even though it feels like I’ve been struggling, my mom made a comment to me over Thanksgiving about how nice it is to see me so carefree and fun. I never want to forget that comment because it proves that nic had been tricking me and then eating me alive with guilt.
4) I am NOT more productive with nic... actually this insomnia stuff is the shit! Haha
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Day 55
Awful deal today at work. My boss was cramming his face with dip after dip trying to get through it. Made me realize and appreciate the freedom I’ve gained. Not having to chain dip -because I couldn’t publicly put one big enough in to get the fix...because it always wanted more...and I was fighting withdrawals at times even with one in...Fuck that. Never goin back again.
1) Life with nic was NOT better.
2) I was NOT easier to be around -in fact very much the opposite due to all the short term withdrawals
3) I am NOT making life harder for those around me by quitting. Even though it feels like I’ve been struggling, my mom made a comment to me over Thanksgiving about how nice it is to see me so carefree and fun. I never want to forget that comment because it proves that nic had been tricking me and then eating me alive with guilt.
4) I am NOT more productive with nic... actually this insomnia stuff is the shit! Haha
I work with a guy who's always got a three finger wad up in there. It's all over his mouth when he speaks and it reeks. Feel for him but it's a great reminder. Some folks are just an example of what NOT to be.
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Day 55
Awful deal today at work. My boss was cramming his face with dip after dip trying to get through it. Made me realize and appreciate the freedom I’ve gained. Not having to chain dip -because I couldn’t publicly put one big enough in to get the fix...because it always wanted more...and I was fighting withdrawals at times even with one in...Fuck that. Never goin back again.
1) Life with nic was NOT better.
2) I was NOT easier to be around -in fact very much the opposite due to all the short term withdrawals
3) I am NOT making life harder for those around me by quitting. Even though it feels like I’ve been struggling, my mom made a comment to me over Thanksgiving about how nice it is to see me so carefree and fun. I never want to forget that comment because it proves that nic had been tricking me and then eating me alive with guilt.
4) I am NOT more productive with nic... actually this insomnia stuff is the shit! Haha
I work with a guy who's always got a three finger wad up in there. It's all over his mouth when he speaks and it reeks. Feel for him but it's a great reminder. Some folks are just an example of what NOT to be.
I’d never seen it so clearly before. The lies of an addict brain. Yes it was a very difficult, stressful day but nic was just adding torture - yet he thought it as helping. I wish I could help him. Im so thankful for my freedom ODAAT
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Day 55
Awful deal today at work. My boss was cramming his face with dip after dip trying to get through it. Made me realize and appreciate the freedom I’ve gained. Not having to chain dip -because I couldn’t publicly put one big enough in to get the fix...because it always wanted more...and I was fighting withdrawals at times even with one in...Fuck that. Never goin back again.
1) Life with nic was NOT better.
2) I was NOT easier to be around -in fact very much the opposite due to all the short term withdrawals
3) I am NOT making life harder for those around me by quitting. Even though it feels like I’ve been struggling, my mom made a comment to me over Thanksgiving about how nice it is to see me so carefree and fun. I never want to forget that comment because it proves that nic had been tricking me and then eating me alive with guilt.
4) I am NOT more productive with nic... actually this insomnia stuff is the shit! Haha
I work with a guy who's always got a three finger wad up in there. It's all over his mouth when he speaks and it reeks. Feel for him but it's a great reminder. Some folks are just an example of what NOT to be.
I’d never seen it so clearly before. The lies of an addict brain. Yes it was a very difficult, stressful day but nic was just adding torture - yet he thought it as helping. I wish I could help him. Im so thankful for my freedom ODAAT
My SigO still smokes. So every day I still see how miserable it is to be addicted to this poison. Especially when we travel or go to the theater or something similar - it is such a pain having to work around his getting his fix. Now that we are clean, we see so clearly what slaves nicotine made of us. I think nicotine must somehow dulls our ability to see it for what it is.
You are doing so great - and trust us, things just keep getting better and better from here!
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Day 55
Awful deal today at work. My boss was cramming his face with dip after dip trying to get through it. Made me realize and appreciate the freedom I’ve gained. Not having to chain dip -because I couldn’t publicly put one big enough in to get the fix...because it always wanted more...and I was fighting withdrawals at times even with one in...Fuck that. Never goin back again.
1) Life with nic was NOT better.
2) I was NOT easier to be around -in fact very much the opposite due to all the short term withdrawals
3) I am NOT making life harder for those around me by quitting. Even though it feels like I’ve been struggling, my mom made a comment to me over Thanksgiving about how nice it is to see me so carefree and fun. I never want to forget that comment because it proves that nic had been tricking me and then eating me alive with guilt.
4) I am NOT more productive with nic... actually this insomnia stuff is the shit! Haha
I work with a guy who's always got a three finger wad up in there. It's all over his mouth when he speaks and it reeks. Feel for him but it's a great reminder. Some folks are just an example of what NOT to be.
I’d never seen it so clearly before. The lies of an addict brain. Yes it was a very difficult, stressful day but nic was just adding torture - yet he thought it as helping. I wish I could help him. Im so thankful for my freedom ODAAT
I thought so many times, it is amazing to view the addict behavior from the other side. Absolutely amazing. Revel in it when you can. It's a gift, a perspective only the quitter has; those who use and those who have never used just don't have the same viewpoint.
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Day 55
Awful deal today at work. My boss was cramming his face with dip after dip trying to get through it. Made me realize and appreciate the freedom I’ve gained. Not having to chain dip -because I couldn’t publicly put one big enough in to get the fix...because it always wanted more...and I was fighting withdrawals at times even with one in...Fuck that. Never goin back again.
1) Life with nic was NOT better.
2) I was NOT easier to be around -in fact very much the opposite due to all the short term withdrawals
3) I am NOT making life harder for those around me by quitting. Even though it feels like I’ve been struggling, my mom made a comment to me over Thanksgiving about how nice it is to see me so carefree and fun. I never want to forget that comment because it proves that nic had been tricking me and then eating me alive with guilt.
4) I am NOT more productive with nic... actually this insomnia stuff is the shit! Haha
I work with a guy who's always got a three finger wad up in there. It's all over his mouth when he speaks and it reeks. Feel for him but it's a great reminder. Some folks are just an example of what NOT to be.
I’d never seen it so clearly before. The lies of an addict brain. Yes it was a very difficult, stressful day but nic was just adding torture - yet he thought it as helping. I wish I could help him. Im so thankful for my freedom ODAAT
I thought so many times, it is amazing to view the addict behavior from the other side. Absolutely amazing. Revel in it when you can. It's a gift, a perspective only the quitter has; those who use and those who have never used just don't have the same viewpoint.
I hate that using nicotine is as common as drinking water or sleeping. I ask all the people I know who still use, why they still do it. You would think the answer would be because of stress or it helps them relax.. but it's because they dont believe they can ever stop. It's too addicting they say... crazy. You are right life with nicotine is not better. If anything it numbed us from being actual humans. Which explains why are emotions are all cuckoo. Instead of learning how to deal with life we just numbed it. That in itself is a great reason why we should never use again. How do we learn from experiences if we dont even feel anything?
You are doing an amazing job. If theres anyone I know who has what it takes to stay quit it's you. Keep kicking ass @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914)
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Congrats on the zero ankape. You are killing this MOFO. Hold the line girl.
PTBQWYT my friend.
~HAG
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Day 63
I noticed an ironic parallel between KTC and my time working as a wildland firefighter. I was one of two females on a 20 “man” crew. It’s funny that what dug my addiction in is so similar to what’s digging me out. This seems to be a sort of family, strangely similar to the fire family.
The first time I threw on a 90lb pack, grabbed a Pulaski, got in line and headed up the hill, it SUCKED! Yes, critical week...was “the suck”. The sup’s were yelling at us rookies to close the gap. Keep up. Keep going no matter what. One foot in front of the other. It initially broke me down and made me question if I could really do it. The excuses rolled in. Then I decided to get tougher. Then it got better. Then there were times it felt easy. When there were no fires, I learned it was the time to sharpen tools, dial in the saws, oil my boots. Be READY ‘cause the next one’s coming. Cache days are like the daily promise. Take care of your resources and they’ll take care of you. WUPP EDD. If a brother/sister is being careless, you don’t just turn your head. What if you could save their life? Would you?
I lost a precious friend to a tree that fell near the fireline one summer. A group of us still hike to that spot every summer we can. Freak accident, could’ve been any of us.
“Keep one foot in the black” reminds me to remember where that area is that’s already burned. Stay close to that safety, but don’t get comfortable. Keep digging. Keep working. Keep your head on a swivel. If that fire jumps your line, you’re back where you started, or worse.
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Day 63
I noticed an ironic parallel between KTC and my time working as a wildland firefighter. I was one of two females on a 20 “man” crew. It’s funny that what dug my addiction in is so similar to what’s digging me out. This seems to be a sort of family, strangely similar to the fire family.
The first time I threw on a 90lb pack, grabbed a Pulaski, got in line and headed up the hill, it SUCKED! Yes, critical week...was “the suck”. The sup’s were yelling at us rookies to close the gap. Keep up. Keep going no matter what. One foot in front of the other. It initially broke me down and made me question if I could really do it. The excuses rolled in. Then I decided to get tougher. Then it got better. Then there were times it felt easy. When there were no fires, I learned it was the time to sharpen tools, dial in the saws, oil my boots. Be READY ‘cause the next one’s coming. Cache days are like the daily promise. Take care of your resources and they’ll take care of you. WUPP EDD. If a brother/sister is being careless, you don’t just turn your head. What if you could save their life? Would you?
I lost a precious friend to a tree that fell near the fireline one summer. A group of us still hike to that spot every summer we can. Freak accident, could’ve been any of us.
“Keep one foot in the black” reminds me to remember where that area is that’s already burned. Stay close to that safety, but don’t get comfortable. Keep digging. Keep working. Keep your head on a swivel. If that fire jumps your line, you’re back where you started, or worse.
I think you're right ankape. KTC is similar to the paramilitary organizations of the fire service, among others. The military has it right. When one is charged with a critical task, the organization should supply structure, camaraderie, and resources and the individual is ALWAYS held accountable for their role in the mission.
This is a time proven system and KTC was wise, IMO, to adopt this structure when it was created. IT WORKS!!
Hold the line girl. I'd work on your crew any day.
PTBQWYT my friend.
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Ankape, I appreciate you. Thank you for documenting your walk through this addiction thing. These are not new words, but no less valid - Reading your saga has made my quit stronger, Thanks. Seeing the quit through your eyes helps me see clearer, Thanks. Olcpo
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Ankape, I appreciate you. Thank you for documenting your walk through this addiction thing. These are not new words, but no less valid - Reading your saga has made my quit stronger, Thanks. Seeing the quit through your eyes helps me see clearer, Thanks. Olcpo
@olcpo (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=16159) thank you for your kind words! I read all of your entries and I enjoy your attitude, dedication and consistency. Keep kickin ass!
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Congrats girl on the big 80. I like how those numbers look for some reason. You are killing this.
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Congrats girl on the big 80. I like how those numbers look for some reason. You are killing this.
@EXBEARHAG (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=14879) thank you! Your words were well-timed today!
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Congrats girl on the big 80. I like how those numbers look for some reason. You are killing this.
@EXBEARHAG (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=14879) thank you! Your words were well-timed today!
Nice 0 today! Glad to see you reaching out across the boards. This place works so much better when more people get involved. You're doing great! PTQWYT
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Congrats girl on the big 80. I like how those numbers look for some reason. You are killing this.
@EXBEARHAG (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=14879) thank you! Your words were well-timed today!
Nice 0 today! Glad to see you reaching out across the boards. This place works so much better when more people get involved. You're doing great! PTQWYT
Thank you @Bug Guy (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1866) i enjoy chasing you around the hallways ?-?-
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Diggin' the new avatar! Keep rocking it rockstar, that's what you do!
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Diggin' the new avatar! Keep rocking it rockstar, that's what you do!
@Athan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=258) thank you! Man, I appreciate you!
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'clap' Congrats on the 1st floor my friend. You are a constant pillar of strength and an inspiration for us all. Keep it up girl. Holding that line...shoulder to shoulder.
PTBQWYT my friend. 'clap'
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'clap' Congrats on the 1st floor my friend. You are a constant pillar of strength and an inspiration for us all. Keep it up girl. Holding that line...shoulder to shoulder.
PTBQWYT my friend. 'clap'
What Hag said!
'clap'
Congrats on HOF ankape!!! Quitters like you help invigorate us old timers with your enthusiasm and support! Keep doing your thing, girl! 'party' 'party' 'party'
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'clap' Congrats on the 1st floor my friend. You are a constant pillar of strength and an inspiration for us all. Keep it up girl. Holding that line...shoulder to shoulder.
PTBQWYT my friend. 'clap'
Hey ladyquitmasterdeluxe! You're the real deal, rockin the quit, payin it forward, showin others how it's done. You've got yourself a golden ticket to quitsville and it doesn't expire unless you let it. Keep going!
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Great job getting to that HOF line Ankape! You earned it. Keep fighting, days 100-200 are no picnic - but ODAAT, you got this. Congrats!
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I was driving home from work last night, coming down with a nasty virus and feeling miserable. It struck me how thankful I was that I didn’t have to stop and buy a can and then somehow figure out how to dip, breathe and cough at the same time. It’s the little things sometimes...thankful to be quit!
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I was driving home from work last night, coming down with a nasty virus and feeling miserable. It struck me how thankful I was that I didn’t have to stop and buy a can and then somehow figure out how to dip, breathe and cough at the same time. It’s the little things sometimes...thankful to be quit!
Dipping with a plugged nose was the worst!! Oh wait...dipping was the worst part about that whole situation. 'puking'
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I was driving home from work last night, coming down with a nasty virus and feeling miserable. It struck me how thankful I was that I didn’t have to stop and buy a can and then somehow figure out how to dip, breathe and cough at the same time. It’s the little things sometimes...thankful to be quit!
Dipping with a plugged nose was the worst!! Oh wait...dipping was the worst part about that whole situation. 'puking'
Hope you feel better ankape. You truly are blessed to have such a great quit mentality and for being such a great leader throughout the boards. Keep up the great work and I am most certainly PTQWY
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I was driving home from work last night, coming down with a nasty virus and feeling miserable. It struck me how thankful I was that I didn’t have to stop and buy a can and then somehow figure out how to dip, breathe and cough at the same time. It’s the little things sometimes...thankful to be quit!
Dipping with a plugged nose was the worst!! Oh wait...dipping was the worst part about that whole situation. 'puking'
Hope you feel better ankape. You truly are blessed to have such a great quit mentality and for being such a great leader throughout the boards. Keep up the great work and I am most certainly PTQWY
Keep rocking it!!!
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Day 120
I’ve had a couple people mention how strong I am...well...it has been hard to be this honest with myself, but if I don’t - why am I here? Here goes...
I wish those early days would have been harder. It seems like my physical withdrawals were pretty mild compared to most. I read about “embracing the suck” of the first couple weeks and I wish I’d had more suck to embrace. Now, I see people at my quit stage going most of the day and forgetting to post- totally spacing their addiction. I feel so far from that. Honestly, not a lot has changed in how I feel since the beginning. I spent over half my life stupidly training my brain to turn to nicotine when I get (among other things) overwhelmed. That is my hardest trigger. I have a very strong sense of duty. It’s probably my best and my worst quality. When I feel like I have more to do than I can handle- my brain associates nicotine with helping me get it done. I would often stay up late or all night -dip after dip- and hammer it out. In all my previous attempts to quit, that feeling, that association to productivity has never let up. I don’t know how long it will take to break it, but I know it must be at least years. So, as far as my quit -I don’t know if I’m strong, but I do know it’s going to be more about endurance.
I will say, I’m really glad that I’ve kept this intro as a journal to look back on. It has helped me many times remember that the guilt of putting that poison in my body again- letting myself, my family and everyone here who has invested time to help me get where I am-...that guilt would be much worse. It’s also a great reminder of all the incredible people who have looked out for me.
I’m truly so thankful for you all!
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...-I don’t know if I’m strong, but I do know it’s going to be more about endurance.
When we are strong we add strength to those around us. Victory is contagious. One of the reasons I enjoy reading intro's (yours in particular). Life is an endurance run, as such we need to feed on victory. Cull out that which does not strengthen and edify. Docpac of April '20 wrote that if it does not serve you it does not deserve space in your life. Too true. You ARE strong by the way. What you have accomplished you have done in spite of nicotine, not because of it.
...that guilt would be much worse....
one of the reasons I value dip dreams; a proverbial glimpse of the price of failure. If our successes and failure really do reverberate into the spheres of others, then we do have a responsibility."...from those who have been given much, much will be expected"
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Day 120
I’ve had a couple people mention how strong I am...well...it has been hard to be this honest with myself, but if I don’t - why am I here? Here goes...
I wish those early days would have been harder. It seems like my physical withdrawals were pretty mild compared to most. I read about “embracing the suck” of the first couple weeks and I wish I’d had more suck to embrace. Now, I see people at my quit stage going most of the day and forgetting to post- totally spacing their addiction. I feel so far from that. Honestly, not a lot has changed in how I feel since the beginning. I spent over half my life stupidly training my brain to turn to nicotine when I get (among other things) overwhelmed. That is my hardest trigger. I have a very strong sense of duty. It’s probably my best and my worst quality. When I feel like I have more to do than I can handle- my brain associates nicotine with helping me get it done. I would often stay up late or all night -dip after dip- and hammer it out. In all my previous attempts to quit, that feeling, that association to productivity has never let up. I don’t know how long it will take to break it, but I know it must be at least years. So, as far as my quit -I don’t know if I’m strong, but I do know it’s going to be more about endurance.
I will say, I’m really glad that I’ve kept this intro as a journal to look back on. It has helped me many times remember that the guilt of putting that poison in my body again- letting myself, my family and everyone here who has invested time to help me get where I am-...that guilt would be much worse. It’s also a great reminder of all the incredible people who have looked out for me.
I’m truly so thankful for you all!
Wow can I relate to this ankape. I’m not sure I ever really felt overwhelmed while I was using...which happened to be my entire adult life. It’s a feeling I’ve become accustomed to over the last 222 days. However, I (like you) have decided to not use nicotine anymore...we choose life one day at a time. I’ve struggled but it is just a bit less daunting now than it was weeks ago. I trust those that have walked before us that say it gets easier. We will find a way (some day) to be as productive as we used to be and find joy in that industriousness without the use of nicotine. No matter how bad days have been, they have always ended. We can do this ODAAT.
PTBQWYT my friend
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Day 120
I’ve had a couple people mention how strong I am...well...it has been hard to be this honest with myself, but if I don’t - why am I here? Here goes...
I wish those early days would have been harder. It seems like my physical withdrawals were pretty mild compared to most. I read about “embracing the suck” of the first couple weeks and I wish I’d had more suck to embrace. Now, I see people at my quit stage going most of the day and forgetting to post- totally spacing their addiction. I feel so far from that. Honestly, not a lot has changed in how I feel since the beginning. I spent over half my life stupidly training my brain to turn to nicotine when I get (among other things) overwhelmed. That is my hardest trigger. I have a very strong sense of duty. It’s probably my best and my worst quality. When I feel like I have more to do than I can handle- my brain associates nicotine with helping me get it done. I would often stay up late or all night -dip after dip- and hammer it out. In all my previous attempts to quit, that feeling, that association to productivity has never let up. I don’t know how long it will take to break it, but I know it must be at least years. So, as far as my quit -I don’t know if I’m strong, but I do know it’s going to be more about endurance.
I will say, I’m really glad that I’ve kept this intro as a journal to look back on. It has helped me many times remember that the guilt of putting that poison in my body again- letting myself, my family and everyone here who has invested time to help me get where I am-...that guilt would be much worse. It’s also a great reminder of all the incredible people who have looked out for me.
I’m truly so thankful for you all!
Ankape, please keep blogging it out! If you touch just one person, the time it took to write was worth it 10 times over. You inspired me today.
Your introspection is profound. We can only grow if we need to.
Be thankful that as using nicotine becomes more distant you have realized this is truly about addiction and you personal triggers.
Proud to quit with you today. And, thank for your perspective - I needed it.
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My goal isn’t to be able to breeze through my days and never think about my addiction. Everyday I’m around people dipping. It’s everywhere and it always will be. So will my addiction. My goal is to change how I think about it. My goal is to do whatever it takes, every day, to not allow any romanticizing of it.
The last time I attempted to quit before KTC, I kept an unopened can in my normal hiding spot. Now, I’m not saying that’s a good method or a smart thing to do, but I do know why it worked for me for a while. It was because every day I looked at it and reminded myself of the reasons I didn’t want it. Over a year or so, it sat in that bag. I finally decided it was pointless to keep it anymore. Besides, it had to have been all dried out.
Well...maybe it was a coincidence, but it seems pretty ironic that only a few months later, I fell into my slow progression of romanticizing and eventually forgetting why I worked so hard. Now, I have people to remind me in case I forget. Thank you to all who post with me, message me, text with me, call me. I am truly grateful.
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My goal isn’t to be able to breeze through my days and never think about my addiction. Everyday I’m around people dipping. It’s everywhere and it always will be. So will my addiction. My goal is to change how I think about it. My goal is to do whatever it takes, every day, to not allow any romanticizing of it.
The last time I attempted to quit before KTC, I kept an unopened can in my normal hiding spot. Now, I’m not saying that’s a good method or a smart thing to do, but I do know why it worked for me for a while. It was because every day I looked at it and reminded myself of the reasons I didn’t want it. Over a year or so, it sat in that bag. I finally decided it was pointless to keep it anymore. Besides, it had to have been all dried out.
Well...maybe it was a coincidence, but it seems pretty ironic that only a few months later, I fell into my slow progression of romanticizing and eventually forgetting why I worked so hard. Now, I have people to remind me in case I forget. Thank you to all who post with me, message me, text with me, call me. I am truly grateful.
I love this post because there are so many who romance the thought..the weed..the nic.
Change the way you think about it.
We used to think it was our friend. Read the following as well.
Girl, you have the mind right. That's powerful. I'm with you on this. ❤
https://ktcforum.org/index.php?topic=2330.0
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Day 252
I’ve kept thinking over the past couple months “it’s just a funk...it’ll pass'’ I’ve had good days and hard days but it’s been just slowly building. I'm honestly forcing myself to write this because I'm sure I’ll need it again later…
Today I hit a tipping point. Exhausted, stressed, weeks of cravings. It felt like the harder I tried to push through -the worse it got. Today...it hit me really hard (I’ve never admitted to anxiety before which was likely part of my problem). I texted for a CAB level of help...then I sat there for a bit, trying to respond. After about the 7th time erasing it because everything I started to say just sounded like a whiny little bitch... I got totally pissed! I hit the trail on my bike and sweated it out until the turkey vultures were circling (they really did...I can’t make that up). Truly, looking back at my past attempts to quit- I can see that without my promise, today could have gone either way. I’m so thankful for all of you that have given your time for me. I respect you too much to break.
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Day 252
I’ve kept thinking over the past couple months “it’s just a funk...it’ll pass'’ I’ve had good days and hard days but it’s been just slowly building. I'm honestly forcing myself to write this because I'm sure I’ll need it again later…
Today I hit a tipping point. Exhausted, stressed, weeks of cravings. It felt like the harder I tried to push through -the worse it got. Today...it hit me really hard (I’ve never admitted to anxiety before which was likely part of my problem). I texted for a CAB level of help...then I sat there for a bit, trying to respond. After about the 7th time erasing it because everything I started to say just sounded like a whiny little bitch... I got totally pissed! I hit the trail on my bike and sweated it out until the turkey vultures were circling (they really did...I can’t make that up). Truly, looking back at my past attempts to quit- I can see that without my promise, today could have gone either way. I’m so thankful for all of you that have given your time for me. I respect you too much to break.
Proud of you, Kaper! You are a Steel Magnolia, girl. :-*
This. This is why we stress that people stick around after HOF.
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@ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) I just got done reading your thread. Stay strong as you got this and you will win. I understand your struggles all to well and found even more inspiration for myself. I battled for 4 straight months of feeling like total garbage and it was the the grace and strength of God that got me thru. I am a 30 plus year addict to nicotine and I compare it to a really bad marriage. Once we accept the fact that we need out is when the battle starts. Like an abusive spouse the nicotine does not let us go easy. I pray everyday for strength to win this battle for all of us, from the founder @chewie (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1) all the way done to the person who just posted day 1. I know its the vets that helped me along and I am forever grateful and I consider you a vet. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your thread as I know that we are all in this together. Keep fighting, stay safe, stay string and God bless you.
QUIT FOREVER 3/5/2020
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Day 252
I’ve kept thinking over the past couple months “it’s just a funk...it’ll pass'’ I’ve had good days and hard days but it’s been just slowly building. I'm honestly forcing myself to write this because I'm sure I’ll need it again later…
Today I hit a tipping point. Exhausted, stressed, weeks of cravings. It felt like the harder I tried to push through -the worse it got. Today...it hit me really hard (I’ve never admitted to anxiety before which was likely part of my problem). I texted for a CAB level of help...then I sat there for a bit, trying to respond. After about the 7th time erasing it because everything I started to say just sounded like a whiny little bitch... I got totally pissed! I hit the trail on my bike and sweated it out until the turkey vultures were circling (they really did...I can’t make that up). Truly, looking back at my past attempts to quit- I can see that without my promise, today could have gone either way. I’m so thankful for all of you that have given your time for me. I respect you too much to break.
Thanks for sharing that ankape. I think I know how you feel. Just when I think I may be making some headway, I slump for a day, week, month... Lately I've had to remind myself of the first week of my quit when I read everything I could get my eyes on on this site. I recall reading that this battle sometimes takes 2+ years for some to get over the "hump"...and the battle stretches on really for life. I think I may be one of those addicts that may take 2+ years to get over the suck...but I did this to myself...I knew what I was doing...this is my battle to fight.
The anxiety sucks! The only thing we can do is put one foot in front of the other. I can't go back. I'm too young and my family needs me too much. Thus I have no choice. The gals and guys that have been here for awhile say it gets MUCH better...they have not lied to me yet. We need to hang on until we get there. Shoulder to shoulder girl. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. Please reach out if things get unbearable.
Hold the line
~HAG
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@ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) I just got done reading your thread. Stay strong as you got this and you will win. I understand your struggles all to well and found even more inspiration for myself. I battled for 4 straight months of feeling like total garbage and it was the the grace and strength of God that got me thru. I am a 30 plus year addict to nicotine and I compare it to a really bad marriage. Once we accept the fact that we need out is when the battle starts. Like an abusive spouse the nicotine does not let us go easy. I pray everyday for strength to win this battle for all of us, from the founder @chewie (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1) all the way done to the person who just posted day 1. I know its the vets that helped me along and I am forever grateful and I consider you a vet. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your thread as I know that we are all in this together. Keep fighting, stay safe, stay string and God bless you.
QUIT FOREVER 3/5/2020
Wow, @Thefranks5 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=17642). No doubt, the best thing that has happened for me because I joined this site is understanding that I will never be cured. It does get better. Much better. The vast majority of my life is SO much better without that poison. BUT sometimes that pendulum swings. Those addict mind games are real and it is those crucial moments that I (and apparently ~14k other addicts) need some help, support, tough love, kind words, but mostly to see that we aren’t alone.
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@Ankape
I started looking through my beginning posts at KTC. I did so because I really didn't remember much and most of it seemed to be a blur...panic, anxiety, and just all the BS that comes with withdrawal. You were the very first person who responded to my very first intro post. I just want to say thank you because it let me know that I wasn't alone in a very difficult time. 218 days later here we are...
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@ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) ,
I know you've heard it a thousand times, "It does get better". It really does get better but you have some big hurdles to get through first. There are still some bad funks coming your way, especially between 600-700 days. I think I was completely depressed through that entire hundred day stretch. But since then, it has been smooth sailing with only small little hiccups along the way just to remind me that I am not ever cured.
Never missing a day posting my promise and always having someone available to talk to if needed is what got me through the worst part of my quit.
You are a strong individual and nicotine is will not beat you. You have the backing of a thousand quitters at your disposal. Lean on us as we have and will lean on you.
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I’ve always hated asking for help…apparently writing to nobody in particular is the easiest way for me. I knew I had to do something because I could feel myself falling into that pattern that has led me to failure in the past.
I recently found this article (https://westcoastrecoverycenters.com/post-acute-withdrawal-syndrome-paws/) that talks about relapse happening in phases. Many of you probably know this stuff, but I didn’t. There’s so much I didn’t know I didn’t know. A while back a friend shared similar info with me which is why I knew to go looking and found this one. For me, this explains exactly what has happened in my previous attempts. Difference is...before, I didn’t talk to anyone...ever...I didn’t understand what was happening when these intense emotions struck, I just tried to plow through. I’m so thankful to have this site, the incredible friends I’ve made and the huge knowledge that’s available here.
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I’ve always hated asking for help…apparently writing to nobody in particular is the easiest way for me. I knew I had to do something because I could feel myself falling into that pattern that has led me to failure in the past.
I recently found this article (https://westcoastrecoverycenters.com/post-acute-withdrawal-syndrome-paws/) that talks about relapse happening in phases. Many of you probably know this stuff, but I didn’t. There’s so much I didn’t know I didn’t know. A while back a friend shared similar info with me which is why I knew to go looking and found this one. For me, this explains exactly what has happened in my previous attempts. Difference is...before, I didn’t talk to anyone...ever...I didn’t understand what was happening when these intense emotions struck, I just tried to plow through. I’m so thankful to have this site, the incredible friends I’ve made and the huge knowledge that’s available here.
Thanks so much for sharing the article. WildIrish317 has a similar one in his thread as well. Sure does help to have a road map. Thanks again superstar!
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Thank you @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) This has been an interesting ride for me with all my difficulties. It is true that we can pull strength from others and then strengthen others at the same time. Thank you again as if those who have not gone before the path would never have been paved. God bless you and IQWYT!!
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Thanks for posting that link Ankape. Makes sense of some of the things happening in my life. As always, grateful to have you on my side. HTL
~HAG
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I’ve always hated asking for help…apparently writing to nobody in particular is the easiest way for me. I knew I had to do something because I could feel myself falling into that pattern that has led me to failure in the past.
I recently found this article (https://westcoastrecoverycenters.com/post-acute-withdrawal-syndrome-paws/) that talks about relapse happening in phases. Many of you probably know this stuff, but I didn’t. There’s so much I didn’t know I didn’t know. A while back a friend shared similar info with me which is why I knew to go looking and found this one. For me, this explains exactly what has happened in my previous attempts. Difference is...before, I didn’t talk to anyone...ever...I didn’t understand what was happening when these intense emotions struck, I just tried to plow through. I’m so thankful to have this site, the incredible friends I’ve made and the huge knowledge that’s available here.
Thanks, Ankape! This is amazing stuff, almost spooky. "who's been in my head...?" Thanks so much for sharing. This needs to be pinned up somewhere so all can see. It really nails the "honeymoon's over Blues". Thanks Lady!
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Day 280
Thinking back to that day when I first read Tom and Jenny Kern’s story (https://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/jenny-tom-kerns-story/). Wow. I am forever grateful for the strength of the Kern family to share this story. I’d hopped on the internet looking for some motivation and, man, I found it. I was scared, sad, mad and just totally done with this addiction. Ready to do whatever it took to quit for good, I signed up. Ok, before I found this site, I would search the internet for things like how rare cancer is and statistics on how nicotine in itself really isn’t so bad...yeah, maybe I could use the tobacco-free stuff (aka waste $5 a can to keep the addiction lit until I inevitably went back to tobacco)... right? anything...damn, I worked really, really hard at justifying my addiction. Then, I read Jenny Kern‘s words, “it doesn’t matter how rare cancer is if you’re the one who gets it.” Done. I instantly saw my kids and family and the pain that would come with that for them. I was done. Then, I hung around...people kept saying, “you have to quit for you and only you.” Well...I just didn’t get that. My mind went, “Do we ever really do anything in life for just ourselves?” I don’t know...Well, recently I had this…”moment”, I guess. I pulled up to a stop sign across from a C-store and there, as I looked across, I felt like my mind was so different than it had ever been before. I truly didn’t want it. Not at all. Hard to explain. Different. Not because of my fear of cancer. Not because it is expensive. Not because it stains my teeth or any of the hundred other reasons I could list off to talk myself out of it...this time I was just content. I didn’t want to waste another moment of my life on it. I quit for me. I quit for this life and people that I love. I quit today- simply for, if nothing more, the quality of today.
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Day 280
Thinking back to that day when I first read Tom and Jenny Kern’s story (https://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/jenny-tom-kerns-story/). Wow. I am forever grateful for the strength of the Kern family to share this story. I’d hopped on the internet looking for some motivation and, man, I found it. I was scared, sad, mad and just totally done with this addiction. Ready to do whatever it took to quit for good, I signed up. Ok, before I found this site, I would search the internet for things like how rare cancer is and statistics on how nicotine in itself really isn’t so bad...yeah, maybe I could use the tobacco-free stuff (aka waste $5 a can to keep the addiction lit until I inevitably went back to tobacco)... right? anything...damn, I worked really, really hard at justifying my addiction. Then, I read Jenny Kern‘s words, “it doesn’t matter how rare cancer is if you’re the one who gets it.” Done. I instantly saw my kids and family and the pain that would come with that for them. I was done. Then, I hung around...people kept saying, “you have to quit for you and only you.” Well...I just didn’t get that. My mind went, “Do we ever really do anything in life for just ourselves?” I don’t know...Well, recently I had this…”moment”, I guess. I pulled up to a stop sign across from a C-store and there, as I looked across, I felt like my mind was so different than it had ever been before. I truly didn’t want it. Not at all. Hard to explain. Different. Not because of my fear of cancer. Not because it is expensive. Not because it stains my teeth or any of the hundred other reasons I could list off to talk myself out of it...this time I was just content. I didn’t want to waste another moment of my life on it. I quit for me. I quit for this life and people that I love. I quit today- simply for, if nothing more, the quality of today.
Damn. I read this and thought Holy Crap that's my story. Thanks @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) you put it in words better than I ever could.
Stay Strong
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Day 280
Thinking back to that day when I first read Tom and Jenny Kern’s story (https://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/jenny-tom-kerns-story/). Wow. I am forever grateful for the strength of the Kern family to share this story. I’d hopped on the internet looking for some motivation and, man, I found it. I was scared, sad, mad and just totally done with this addiction. Ready to do whatever it took to quit for good, I signed up. Ok, before I found this site, I would search the internet for things like how rare cancer is and statistics on how nicotine in itself really isn’t so bad...yeah, maybe I could use the tobacco-free stuff (aka waste $5 a can to keep the addiction lit until I inevitably went back to tobacco)... right? anything...damn, I worked really, really hard at justifying my addiction. Then, I read Jenny Kern‘s words, “it doesn’t matter how rare cancer is if you’re the one who gets it.” Done. I instantly saw my kids and family and the pain that would come with that for them. I was done. Then, I hung around...people kept saying, “you have to quit for you and only you.” Well...I just didn’t get that. My mind went, “Do we ever really do anything in life for just ourselves?” I don’t know...Well, recently I had this…”moment”, I guess. I pulled up to a stop sign across from a C-store and there, as I looked across, I felt like my mind was so different than it had ever been before. I truly didn’t want it. Not at all. Hard to explain. Different. Not because of my fear of cancer. Not because it is expensive. Not because it stains my teeth or any of the hundred other reasons I could list off to talk myself out of it...this time I was just content. I didn’t want to waste another moment of my life on it. I quit for me. I quit for this life and people that I love. I quit today- simply for, if nothing more, the quality of today.
Damn. I read this and thought Holy Crap that's my story. Thanks @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) you put it in words better than I ever could.
Stay Strong
Keep doing what you are doing and let those days add up. We keep hearing it but it is a different story when you can feel your quit is really getting better.
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Day 280
Thinking back to that day when I first read Tom and Jenny Kern’s story (https://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/jenny-tom-kerns-story/). Wow. I am forever grateful for the strength of the Kern family to share this story. I’d hopped on the internet looking for some motivation and, man, I found it. I was scared, sad, mad and just totally done with this addiction. Ready to do whatever it took to quit for good, I signed up. Ok, before I found this site, I would search the internet for things like how rare cancer is and statistics on how nicotine in itself really isn’t so bad...yeah, maybe I could use the tobacco-free stuff (aka waste $5 a can to keep the addiction lit until I inevitably went back to tobacco)... right? anything...damn, I worked really, really hard at justifying my addiction. Then, I read Jenny Kern‘s words, “it doesn’t matter how rare cancer is if you’re the one who gets it.” Done. I instantly saw my kids and family and the pain that would come with that for them. I was done. Then, I hung around...people kept saying, “you have to quit for you and only you.” Well...I just didn’t get that. My mind went, “Do we ever really do anything in life for just ourselves?” I don’t know...Well, recently I had this…”moment”, I guess. I pulled up to a stop sign across from a C-store and there, as I looked across, I felt like my mind was so different than it had ever been before. I truly didn’t want it. Not at all. Hard to explain. Different. Not because of my fear of cancer. Not because it is expensive. Not because it stains my teeth or any of the hundred other reasons I could list off to talk myself out of it...this time I was just content. I didn’t want to waste another moment of my life on it. I quit for me. I quit for this life and people that I love. I quit today- simply for, if nothing more, the quality of today.
Damn. I read this and thought Holy Crap that's my story. Thanks @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) you put it in words better than I ever could.
Stay Strong
Keep doing what you are doing and let those days add up. We keep hearing it but it is a different story when you can feel your quit is really getting better.
Damn, your words ALWAYS reinforce my fortitude...as strong or as pathetic as it may be at the time. I don't know if I'm quite there yet but I'm somewhere in the middle which is a vast improvement over where I was 385 days ago.
PTBQWYT my friend
-
Day 280
Thinking back to that day when I first read Tom and Jenny Kern’s story (https://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/jenny-tom-kerns-story/). Wow. I am forever grateful for the strength of the Kern family to share this story. I’d hopped on the internet looking for some motivation and, man, I found it. I was scared, sad, mad and just totally done with this addiction. Ready to do whatever it took to quit for good, I signed up. Ok, before I found this site, I would search the internet for things like how rare cancer is and statistics on how nicotine in itself really isn’t so bad...yeah, maybe I could use the tobacco-free stuff (aka waste $5 a can to keep the addiction lit until I inevitably went back to tobacco)... right? anything...damn, I worked really, really hard at justifying my addiction. Then, I read Jenny Kern‘s words, “it doesn’t matter how rare cancer is if you’re the one who gets it.” Done. I instantly saw my kids and family and the pain that would come with that for them. I was done. Then, I hung around...people kept saying, “you have to quit for you and only you.” Well...I just didn’t get that. My mind went, “Do we ever really do anything in life for just ourselves?” I don’t know...Well, recently I had this…”moment”, I guess. I pulled up to a stop sign across from a C-store and there, as I looked across, I felt like my mind was so different than it had ever been before. I truly didn’t want it. Not at all. Hard to explain. Different. Not because of my fear of cancer. Not because it is expensive. Not because it stains my teeth or any of the hundred other reasons I could list off to talk myself out of it...this time I was just content. I didn’t want to waste another moment of my life on it. I quit for me. I quit for this life and people that I love. I quit today- simply for, if nothing more, the quality of today.
Damn. I read this and thought Holy Crap that's my story. Thanks @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) you put it in words better than I ever could.
Stay Strong
Keep doing what you are doing and let those days add up. We keep hearing it but it is a different story when you can feel your quit is really getting better.
Damn, your words ALWAYS reinforce my fortitude...as strong or as pathetic as it may be at the time. I don't know if I'm quite there yet but I'm somewhere in the middle which is a vast improvement over where I was 385 days ago.
PTBQWYT my friend
You rock, girl. :-*
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Day 280
Thinking back to that day when I first read Tom and Jenny Kern’s story (https://www.killthecan.org/facts-figures/jenny-tom-kerns-story/). Wow. I am forever grateful for the strength of the Kern family to share this story. I’d hopped on the internet looking for some motivation and, man, I found it. I was scared, sad, mad and just totally done with this addiction. Ready to do whatever it took to quit for good, I signed up. Ok, before I found this site, I would search the internet for things like how rare cancer is and statistics on how nicotine in itself really isn’t so bad...yeah, maybe I could use the tobacco-free stuff (aka waste $5 a can to keep the addiction lit until I inevitably went back to tobacco)... right? anything...damn, I worked really, really hard at justifying my addiction. Then, I read Jenny Kern‘s words, “it doesn’t matter how rare cancer is if you’re the one who gets it.” Done. I instantly saw my kids and family and the pain that would come with that for them. I was done. Then, I hung around...people kept saying, “you have to quit for you and only you.” Well...I just didn’t get that. My mind went, “Do we ever really do anything in life for just ourselves?” I don’t know...Well, recently I had this…”moment”, I guess. I pulled up to a stop sign across from a C-store and there, as I looked across, I felt like my mind was so different than it had ever been before. I truly didn’t want it. Not at all. Hard to explain. Different. Not because of my fear of cancer. Not because it is expensive. Not because it stains my teeth or any of the hundred other reasons I could list off to talk myself out of it...this time I was just content. I didn’t want to waste another moment of my life on it. I quit for me. I quit for this life and people that I love. I quit today- simply for, if nothing more, the quality of today.
Damn. I read this and thought Holy Crap that's my story. Thanks @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) you put it in words better than I ever could.
Stay Strong
Keep doing what you are doing and let those days add up. We keep hearing it but it is a different story when you can feel your quit is really getting better.
Damn, your words ALWAYS reinforce my fortitude...as strong or as pathetic as it may be at the time. I don't know if I'm quite there yet but I'm somewhere in the middle which is a vast improvement over where I was 385 days ago.
PTBQWYT my friend
You rock, girl. :-*
@FLLipOut (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=53) the Kaper @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) is one strong badass quitter... so great to feel the strength in the quit!
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Congrats on hitting 300 days quit. Keep ping you and let the days add up. Proud to quit with you.
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Congrats on hitting 300 days quit. Keep ping you and let the days add up. Proud to quit with you.
Lovin the 300 for you Ankape. Success breeds success - you're the fuel in the gas tank of quit for so many. Keep on quittin!
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Congrats on hitting 300 days quit. Keep ping you and let the days add up. Proud to quit with you.
Lovin the 300 for you Ankape. Success breeds success - you're the fuel in the gas tank of quit for so many. Keep on quittin!
'party2' 'party2' 'party2'
KAPER is the real deal!!!!! Congratulations on the new floor and keep doing what you do here - KTC would NOT be the same without you!!!
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Congrats on hitting 300 days quit. Keep ping you and let the days add up. Proud to quit with you.
Lovin the 300 for you Ankape. Success breeds success - you're the fuel in the gas tank of quit for so many. Keep on quittin!
'party2' 'party2' 'party2'
KAPER is the real deal!!!!! Congratulations on the new floor and keep doing what you do here - KTC would NOT be the same without you!!!
Congratulations on 300!! I agree with FLLip you are the real deal!! Keep it up lady!
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Congrats on hitting 300 days quit. Keep ping you and let the days add up. Proud to quit with you.
Lovin the 300 for you Ankape. Success breeds success - you're the fuel in the gas tank of quit for so many. Keep on quittin!
'party2' 'party2' 'party2'
KAPER is the real deal!!!!! Congratulations on the new floor and keep doing what you do here - KTC would NOT be the same without you!!!
Congratulations on 300!! I agree with FLLip you are the real deal!! Keep it up lady!
Way to power through Miss Ankape!! 'lift'
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Congrats on hitting 300 days quit. Keep ping you and let the days add up. Proud to quit with you.
Lovin the 300 for you Ankape. Success breeds success - you're the fuel in the gas tank of quit for so many. Keep on quittin!
'party2' 'party2' 'party2'
KAPER is the real deal!!!!! Congratulations on the new floor and keep doing what you do here - KTC would NOT be the same without you!!!
Congratulations on 300!! I agree with FLLip you are the real deal!! Keep it up lady!
Way to power through Miss Ankape!! 'lift'
Woop woop way to go Ankape. Thats inspiring just seeing you win. Soon have 200 under my belt and everyday its gets easier. Keep up the fight as more people are watching then you think.
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Congrats on hitting 300 days quit. Keep ping you and let the days add up. Proud to quit with you.
Lovin the 300 for you Ankape. Success breeds success - you're the fuel in the gas tank of quit for so many. Keep on quittin!
'party2' 'party2' 'party2'
KAPER is the real deal!!!!! Congratulations on the new floor and keep doing what you do here - KTC would NOT be the same without you!!!
Congratulations on 300!! I agree with FLLip you are the real deal!! Keep it up lady!
Way to power through Miss Ankape!! 'lift'
Woop woop way to go Ankape. Thats inspiring just seeing you win. Soon have 200 under my belt and everyday its gets easier. Keep up the fight as more people are watching then you think.
Congrats on 300! Huge milestone! PTQWYT
BMC 1,048
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Congrats on hitting 300 days quit. Keep ping you and let the days add up. Proud to quit with you.
Lovin the 300 for you Ankape. Success breeds success - you're the fuel in the gas tank of quit for so many. Keep on quittin!
'party2' 'party2' 'party2'
KAPER is the real deal!!!!! Congratulations on the new floor and keep doing what you do here - KTC would NOT be the same without you!!!
Congratulations on 300!! I agree with FLLip you are the real deal!! Keep it up lady!
Way to power through Miss Ankape!! 'lift'
Woop woop way to go Ankape. Thats inspiring just seeing you win. Soon have 200 under my belt and everyday its gets easier. Keep up the fight as more people are watching then you think.
Congrats on 300! Huge milestone! PTQWYT
BMC 1,048
Congrats girl. Hold the line!!
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Day 365
Last night I read a story to my kids about some amazing, heroic rescues. Later, I started reflecting on the efforts...the sacrifices some humans will make to save others, without question. Whether it is many or one, often or rare, whether it is seen or unseen, loudly, quietly, quickly, arduously, however. All are so valuable. This place, this community, and the REAL people behind these screens- save lives...and improve lives...if we choose to allow it.
Humbled. I wish I could start over with the knowledge I’ve gained this year. Knowledge about myself, others and about life in general. Easy? Definitely not. Regrets?...for sure, but...gotta move forward and appreciate regrets as proof of growth. Worth it? YES!
This experience has improved my life in ways I never could have imagined at this time last year. When I joined, I had two people in my life who knew about my battle with addiction. This year has given me the confidence to open up to friends and family. That was extremely hard at first, I felt so guilty about it, but it has actually healed relationships I didn’t even realize were lacking. This year I get to celebrate with my family and friends! I can’t even express how huge that is for me.
I came here to quit nicotine, but I have to admit- it’s deeper than I realized.
Quitting works one day at a time and so does living.
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Day 365
Last night I read a story to my kids about some amazing, heroic rescues. Later, I started reflecting on the efforts...the sacrifices some humans will make to save others, without question. Whether it is many or one, often or rare, whether it is seen or unseen, loudly, quietly, quickly, arduously, however. All are so valuable. This place, this community, and the REAL people behind these screens- save lives...and improve lives...if we choose to allow it.
Humbled. I wish I could start over with the knowledge I’ve gained this year. Knowledge about myself, others and about life in general. Easy? Definitely not. Regrets?...for sure, but...gotta move forward and appreciate regrets as proof of growth. Worth it? YES!
This experience has improved my life in ways I never could have imagined at this time last year. When I joined, I had two people in my life who knew about my battle with addiction. This year has given me the confidence to open up to friends and family. That was extremely hard at first, I felt so guilty about it, but it has actually healed relationships I didn’t even realize were lacking. This year I get to celebrate with my family and friends! I can’t even express how huge that is for me.
I came here to quit nicotine, but I have to admit- it’s deeper than I realized.
Quitting works one day at a time and so does living.
Congrats @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) !!! One year is an amazing feat. Keep slaying the bitch.
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Day 365
Last night I read a story to my kids about some amazing, heroic rescues. Later, I started reflecting on the efforts...the sacrifices some humans will make to save others, without question. Whether it is many or one, often or rare, whether it is seen or unseen, loudly, quietly, quickly, arduously, however. All are so valuable. This place, this community, and the REAL people behind these screens- save lives...and improve lives...if we choose to allow it.
Humbled. I wish I could start over with the knowledge I’ve gained this year. Knowledge about myself, others and about life in general. Easy? Definitely not. Regrets?...for sure, but...gotta move forward and appreciate regrets as proof of growth. Worth it? YES!
This experience has improved my life in ways I never could have imagined at this time last year. When I joined, I had two people in my life who knew about my battle with addiction. This year has given me the confidence to open up to friends and family. That was extremely hard at first, I felt so guilty about it, but it has actually healed relationships I didn’t even realize were lacking. This year I get to celebrate with my family and friends! I can’t even express how huge that is for me.
I came here to quit nicotine, but I have to admit- it’s deeper than I realized.
Quitting works one day at a time and so does living.
Congrats @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) !!! One year is an amazing feat. Keep slaying the bitch.
Love this post. Congrats ankape! 8)
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Day 365
Last night I read a story to my kids about some amazing, heroic rescues. Later, I started reflecting on the efforts...the sacrifices some humans will make to save others, without question. Whether it is many or one, often or rare, whether it is seen or unseen, loudly, quietly, quickly, arduously, however. All are so valuable. This place, this community, and the REAL people behind these screens- save lives...and improve lives...if we choose to allow it.
Humbled. I wish I could start over with the knowledge I’ve gained this year. Knowledge about myself, others and about life in general. Easy? Definitely not. Regrets?...for sure, but...gotta move forward and appreciate regrets as proof of growth. Worth it? YES!
This experience has improved my life in ways I never could have imagined at this time last year. When I joined, I had two people in my life who knew about my battle with addiction. This year has given me the confidence to open up to friends and family. That was extremely hard at first, I felt so guilty about it, but it has actually healed relationships I didn’t even realize were lacking. This year I get to celebrate with my family and friends! I can’t even express how huge that is for me.
I came here to quit nicotine, but I have to admit- it’s deeper than I realized.
Quitting works one day at a time and so does living.
I labored through a valley of tears for a treasure I wanted to see,
Lo and behold, when my journey was through, the treasure I found was me.
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Congratulations on one year free!
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Day 365
Last night I read a story to my kids about some amazing, heroic rescues. Later, I started reflecting on the efforts...the sacrifices some humans will make to save others, without question. Whether it is many or one, often or rare, whether it is seen or unseen, loudly, quietly, quickly, arduously, however. All are so valuable. This place, this community, and the REAL people behind these screens- save lives...and improve lives...if we choose to allow it.
Humbled. I wish I could start over with the knowledge I’ve gained this year. Knowledge about myself, others and about life in general. Easy? Definitely not. Regrets?...for sure, but...gotta move forward and appreciate regrets as proof of growth. Worth it? YES!
This experience has improved my life in ways I never could have imagined at this time last year. When I joined, I had two people in my life who knew about my battle with addiction. This year has given me the confidence to open up to friends and family. That was extremely hard at first, I felt so guilty about it, but it has actually healed relationships I didn’t even realize were lacking. This year I get to celebrate with my family and friends! I can’t even express how huge that is for me.
I came here to quit nicotine, but I have to admit- it’s deeper than I realized.
Quitting works one day at a time and so does living.
Although you are exactly 101 days behind me in quit, you are years ahead of me in quit inspiration. Your last line, "Quitting works one day at a time and so does living", is an absolute truism and something that I need to remind myself of on a daily basis. As always, your perspective is spot on and timely. You keep going Girl.
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Day 365
Last night I read a story to my kids about some amazing, heroic rescues. Later, I started reflecting on the efforts...the sacrifices some humans will make to save others, without question. Whether it is many or one, often or rare, whether it is seen or unseen, loudly, quietly, quickly, arduously, however. All are so valuable. This place, this community, and the REAL people behind these screens- save lives...and improve lives...if we choose to allow it.
Humbled. I wish I could start over with the knowledge I’ve gained this year. Knowledge about myself, others and about life in general. Easy? Definitely not. Regrets?...for sure, but...gotta move forward and appreciate regrets as proof of growth. Worth it? YES!
This experience has improved my life in ways I never could have imagined at this time last year. When I joined, I had two people in my life who knew about my battle with addiction. This year has given me the confidence to open up to friends and family. That was extremely hard at first, I felt so guilty about it, but it has actually healed relationships I didn’t even realize were lacking. This year I get to celebrate with my family and friends! I can’t even express how huge that is for me.
I came here to quit nicotine, but I have to admit- it’s deeper than I realized.
Quitting works one day at a time and so does living.
Congrats @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) !!! One year is an amazing feat. Keep slaying the bitch.
Love this post. Congrats ankape! 8)
It's so much more.
If we look, we find it.
Great post.
Congrats on the 1 trip around the sun. I'll be back tomorrow to celebrate your quitversary. Roflmao
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Day 365
Last night I read a story to my kids about some amazing, heroic rescues. Later, I started reflecting on the efforts...the sacrifices some humans will make to save others, without question. Whether it is many or one, often or rare, whether it is seen or unseen, loudly, quietly, quickly, arduously, however. All are so valuable. This place, this community, and the REAL people behind these screens- save lives...and improve lives...if we choose to allow it.
Humbled. I wish I could start over with the knowledge I’ve gained this year. Knowledge about myself, others and about life in general. Easy? Definitely not. Regrets?...for sure, but...gotta move forward and appreciate regrets as proof of growth. Worth it? YES!
This experience has improved my life in ways I never could have imagined at this time last year. When I joined, I had two people in my life who knew about my battle with addiction. This year has given me the confidence to open up to friends and family. That was extremely hard at first, I felt so guilty about it, but it has actually healed relationships I didn’t even realize were lacking. This year I get to celebrate with my family and friends! I can’t even express how huge that is for me.
I came here to quit nicotine, but I have to admit- it’s deeper than I realized.
Quitting works one day at a time and so does living.
Congrats @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) !!! One year is an amazing feat. Keep slaying the bitch.
Love this post. Congrats ankape! 8)
It's so much more.
If we look, we find it.
Great post.
Congrats on the 1 trip around the sun. I'll be back tomorrow to celebrate your quitversary. Roflmao
Excellent post brother. Thanks for sharing, and congratulations. It keeps getting better from here.
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Day 365
Last night I read a story to my kids about some amazing, heroic rescues. Later, I started reflecting on the efforts...the sacrifices some humans will make to save others, without question. Whether it is many or one, often or rare, whether it is seen or unseen, loudly, quietly, quickly, arduously, however. All are so valuable. This place, this community, and the REAL people behind these screens- save lives...and improve lives...if we choose to allow it.
Humbled. I wish I could start over with the knowledge I’ve gained this year. Knowledge about myself, others and about life in general. Easy? Definitely not. Regrets?...for sure, but...gotta move forward and appreciate regrets as proof of growth. Worth it? YES!
This experience has improved my life in ways I never could have imagined at this time last year. When I joined, I had two people in my life who knew about my battle with addiction. This year has given me the confidence to open up to friends and family. That was extremely hard at first, I felt so guilty about it, but it has actually healed relationships I didn’t even realize were lacking. This year I get to celebrate with my family and friends! I can’t even express how huge that is for me.
I came here to quit nicotine, but I have to admit- it’s deeper than I realized.
Quitting works one day at a time and so does living.
Congrats @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) !!! One year is an amazing feat. Keep slaying the bitch.
Love this post. Congrats ankape! 8)
It's so much more.
If we look, we find it.
Great post.
Congrats on the 1 trip around the sun. I'll be back tomorrow to celebrate your quitversary. Roflmao
Excellent post brother. Thanks for sharing, and congratulations. It keeps getting better from here.
Love the post. Keep doing you!!
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Day 434
I had never felt some of these things...at times the anxiety, or whatever it is, has felt overwhelming and exhausting. Time after time I tried to find a “reason” why I felt that way. But, I’m finally realizing it’s a part of me… it’s just a part I never felt before. A part of me that I kept in submission with addictions. Most of us were just kids when we began to flood our bodies with chemicals. And we dealt with a lot of things in the time between. I challenge you to challenge your thinking.
"We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them." —Albert Einstein
Even though the waves of anxiety still come, I am learning I don’t have to fear or dwell or even fix. I can embrace it...because my nervous system is finally working as it should have been all my life. Now, I know I can learn to handle things in healthy ways… and that is truly empowering.
This, isn’t just stopping the use of a chemical, for me - it is a process of peeling off the layers of guilt and shame that I have stacked on and intertwined through the stages of life...it is about forgiving myself ... learning to value myself...breaking the cycle of lying, hiding, pushing people away...even pushing God away.
I am so thankful for this journey, thankful for renewed Faith, thankful to you all who have been a part of it, because …I know... I never would have forced myself to see how deep these roots are without you all. Life is good. Holdin the line. Pressin on. Better person every day. Love you guys. Thank you.
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Day 434
I had never felt some of these things...at times the anxiety, or whatever it is, has felt overwhelming and exhausting. Time after time I tried to find a “reason” why I felt that way. But, I’m finally realizing it’s a part of me… it’s just a part I never felt before. A part of me that I kept in submission with addictions. Most of us were just kids when we began to flood our bodies with chemicals. And we dealt with a lot of things in the time between. I challenge you to challenge your thinking.
"We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them." —Albert Einstein
Even though the waves of anxiety still come, I am learning I don’t have to fear or dwell or even fix. I can embrace it...because my nervous system is finally working as it should have been all my life. Now, I know I can learn to handle things in healthy ways… and that is truly empowering.
This, isn’t just stopping the use of a chemical, for me - it is a process of peeling off the layers of guilt and shame that I have stacked on and intertwined through the stages of life...it is about forgiving myself ... learning to value myself...breaking the cycle of lying, hiding, pushing people away...even pushing God away.
I am so thankful for this journey, thankful for renewed Faith, thankful to you all who have been a part of it, because …I know... I never would have forced myself to see how deep these roots are without you all. Life is good. Holdin the line. Pressin on. Better person every day. Love you guys. Thank you.
Profound as usual Kaper. You often describe how I'm feeling and where I'm at better than I can. As you know, my experience has been similar. I love where your head is here. I'm on board!! I've changed my behavior. Now it's time to accept the new me...which, has always been, just ME.
Holding the line with you my friend
~HAG
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600 days ago I finally decided I needed help with my
habit addiction. :P
Completely pissed that I had gotten myself hooked so deep…again. I mean, I had gotten through for many days completely on my own numerous times. Why would I keep going back?
Well, because willpower is not enough.
Willpower only lasts for as long as we continue to care.
As soon as I started posting roll here, I also started taking note of the qualities of people who’ve continued to post into the hundreds and thousands of days… what is it that makes them stay strong?
I now believe that “strength” is shown through ...taking ownership… realizing the freedom to choose what to do with what happens.
We can’t change our pasts (damn it!) but we can choose to do better and be better now.
I hope you quit today…right now.
And if you already have, I hope you keep going today. I hope you feel that freedom. One day at a time. No matter how it feels, there is a day ahead that is worth it.
-
600 days ago I finally decided I needed help with my habit addiction. :P
Completely pissed that I had gotten myself hooked so deep…again. I mean, I had gotten through for many days completely on my own numerous times. Why would I keep going back?
Well, because willpower is not enough.
Willpower only lasts for as long as we continue to care.
As soon as I started posting roll here, I also started taking note of the qualities of people who’ve continued to post into the hundreds and thousands of days… what is it that makes them stay strong?
I now believe that “strength” is shown through ...taking ownership… realizing the freedom to choose what to do with what happens.
We can’t change our pasts (damn it!) but we can choose to do better and be better now.
I hope you quit today…right now.
And if you already have, I hope you keep going today. I hope you feel that freedom. One day at a time. No matter how it feels, there is a day ahead that is worth it.
Congrats @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914). Keep kicking butt ODAAT. Proud to quit with you.
-
600 days ago I finally decided I needed help with my habit addiction. :P
Completely pissed that I had gotten myself hooked so deep…again. I mean, I had gotten through for many days completely on my own numerous times. Why would I keep going back?
Well, because willpower is not enough.
Willpower only lasts for as long as we continue to care.
As soon as I started posting roll here, I also started taking note of the qualities of people who’ve continued to post into the hundreds and thousands of days… what is it that makes them stay strong?
I now believe that “strength” is shown through ...taking ownership… realizing the freedom to choose what to do with what happens.
We can’t change our pasts (damn it!) but we can choose to do better and be better now.
I hope you quit today…right now.
And if you already have, I hope you keep going today. I hope you feel that freedom. One day at a time. No matter how it feels, there is a day ahead that is worth it.
Congrats @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914). Keep kicking butt ODAAT. Proud to quit with you.
Congrats on that new floor, Kaper! 'lift' Proud to quit with you EDD!
-
600 days ago I finally decided I needed help with my habit addiction. :P
Completely pissed that I had gotten myself hooked so deep…again. I mean, I had gotten through for many days completely on my own numerous times. Why would I keep going back?
Well, because willpower is not enough.
Willpower only lasts for as long as we continue to care.
As soon as I started posting roll here, I also started taking note of the qualities of people who’ve continued to post into the hundreds and thousands of days… what is it that makes them stay strong?
I now believe that “strength” is shown through ...taking ownership… realizing the freedom to choose what to do with what happens.
We can’t change our pasts (damn it!) but we can choose to do better and be better now.
I hope you quit today…right now.
And if you already have, I hope you keep going today. I hope you feel that freedom. One day at a time. No matter how it feels, there is a day ahead that is worth it.
Congrats @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914). Keep kicking butt ODAAT. Proud to quit with you.
Congrats on that new floor, Kaper! 'lift' Proud to quit with you EDD!
You are awesome! Proud to quit with you one day at a time!
-
600 days ago I finally decided I needed help with my habit addiction. :P
Completely pissed that I had gotten myself hooked so deep…again. I mean, I had gotten through for many days completely on my own numerous times. Why would I keep going back?
Well, because willpower is not enough.
Willpower only lasts for as long as we continue to care.
As soon as I started posting roll here, I also started taking note of the qualities of people who’ve continued to post into the hundreds and thousands of days… what is it that makes them stay strong?
I now believe that “strength” is shown through ...taking ownership… realizing the freedom to choose what to do with what happens.
We can’t change our pasts (damn it!) but we can choose to do better and be better now.
I hope you quit today…right now.
And if you already have, I hope you keep going today. I hope you feel that freedom. One day at a time. No matter how it feels, there is a day ahead that is worth it.
Congrats @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914). Keep kicking butt ODAAT. Proud to quit with you.
Congrats on that new floor, Kaper! 'lift' Proud to quit with you EDD!
You are awesome! Proud to quit with you one day at a time!
This is what a badass quitter looks like!
-
600 days ago I finally decided I needed help with my habit addiction. :P
Completely pissed that I had gotten myself hooked so deep…again. I mean, I had gotten through for many days completely on my own numerous times. Why would I keep going back?
Well, because willpower is not enough.
Willpower only lasts for as long as we continue to care.
As soon as I started posting roll here, I also started taking note of the qualities of people who’ve continued to post into the hundreds and thousands of days… what is it that makes them stay strong?
I now believe that “strength” is shown through ...taking ownership… realizing the freedom to choose what to do with what happens.
We can’t change our pasts (damn it!) but we can choose to do better and be better now.
I hope you quit today…right now.
And if you already have, I hope you keep going today. I hope you feel that freedom. One day at a time. No matter how it feels, there is a day ahead that is worth it.
Congrats @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914). Keep kicking butt ODAAT. Proud to quit with you.
Congrats on that new floor, Kaper! 'lift' Proud to quit with you EDD!
You are awesome! Proud to quit with you one day at a time!
This is what a badass quitter looks like!
Ankape you rock. Now we need a new emoji of you on a dirt bike doing wheelie. Thanks Annie and PTBQW!!!!
-
600 days ago I finally decided I needed help with my habit addiction. :P
Completely pissed that I had gotten myself hooked so deep…again. I mean, I had gotten through for many days completely on my own numerous times. Why would I keep going back?
Well, because willpower is not enough.
Willpower only lasts for as long as we continue to care.
As soon as I started posting roll here, I also started taking note of the qualities of people who’ve continued to post into the hundreds and thousands of days… what is it that makes them stay strong?
I now believe that “strength” is shown through ...taking ownership… realizing the freedom to choose what to do with what happens.
We can’t change our pasts (damn it!) but we can choose to do better and be better now.
I hope you quit today…right now.
And if you already have, I hope you keep going today. I hope you feel that freedom. One day at a time. No matter how it feels, there is a day ahead that is worth it.
Congrats @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914). Keep kicking butt ODAAT. Proud to quit with you.
Congrats on that new floor, Kaper! 'lift' Proud to quit with you EDD!
You are awesome! Proud to quit with you one day at a time!
This is what a badass quitter looks like!
Ankape you rock. Now we need a new emoji of you on a dirt bike doing wheelie. Thanks Annie and PTBQW!!!!
Keep killing the QUIT!
Always PTBQWY!