Author Topic: Starting Again  (Read 4544 times)

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Offline oldschool

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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #17 on: March 04, 2021, 09:48:41 PM »
Good shit....
Below are portions of a PM I sent to one of my brothers today. I'm posting it here, for myself, for posterity. (The PM functionality on this site is not too robust, so I would have lost this PM after sending it.)


I think we need to face this shit head-on, all the time. I think we need to constantly remind ourselves that we are addicts. Why? Because if people like you and me forget that WE CANNOT DO MODERATION, we're gonna cave. It's fucking inevitable. A year from now, we'll just have a dip. We'll think we're cured and that we can have a few dips here and there. And then we'll be back to 2 tins a day. Almost no doubt about it, man.

Now, I think the problem is assigning some absolutely negative connotation to "addict." I believe some of us feel like lowly pieces of shit because we are addicts. I say no.

You'd be a lowly piece of shit ONLY if you didn't try to change your behavior.

It's bad to be an addict if you're still abusing your addictive medium (whether dip, cigarettes, booze, cocaine, glue, food, sex, gambling, TV, church, exercise, anything)

It's bad to be an addict only if your use of that medium is fucking up your life and the lives around you.

It's bad to be an addict if you let that medium control you.

It's GOOD to be an addict if YOU CONTROL that medium. Why? Because you'll always be in a position to compare the life you now lead (nicotine-free, in our case) versus the life you used to lead (slave to nicotine). Invariably, we will be empowered by controlling that very, very, very strong temptation. We will feel like the slavedriver, dig?

Like, don't you feel GOOD ruling this shit? As hard as it still is to go through some days, even at Day 70, isn't it fucking awesome to OWN this fucking addiction and to be fucking nicotine in the ass?

I'm basically just pointing out that I have made it this far because KTC has reminded me that MODERATION IS IMPOSSIBLE. It has reminded me to focus on the quit. It has reminded me to value the quit. It reminds of these things even when I am in the mood to not care at all....when I am in the mood to consider giving up the fight.

We need to stay reminded, man...we really do.
And this is truly the gift of KTC:  Not only can we learn from those before us, we can share this learning to help others.  Another gift that KTC gives us is one that is unknown to many quitters who have roamed these halls; the gift of distraction, a place of refuge and solace, a place where we can try to forget how miserable we might be feeling by keeping our minds occupied.  Keeping occupied by gaining quit knowledge, sharing quit knowledge, playing games in the wildcard section, talking politics, changing a new group's name, jumping off a cliff and allowing yourself to be vulnerable to a bunch of addicts you don't know, maybe even making some friends.

Joining KTC is deciding to go on a journey with yourself.  Where will this quit take you?  What will you find out about yourself you didn't really even know?  What more can you do with your life now that you are FREE and have the realization that you have the power to be able to do whatever you want - one day at a time.

Proud to quit with you today
oldschool
Hey @oldschool I don't know what the fuck I was doing when I read this almost 4 months ago, but your reply deserves recognition. I can't put into words what this site has done for me and I'm sure countless others, but what you said is dead on balls accurate (My Cousin Vinny reference). It has definitely been a journey, and the more you put into this journey, the more you get out of it.
recognition and awareness may come early or late, but it always comes when you need it most.

I was driving to work one cold, winter morning when I turned and saw the most beautiful sunrise I had seen in a very long time.  It was fiery red, burnt orange and hues of purple amidst a backdrop of a snow covered field.  I stopped my truck.  Admired the beautiful sunrise for longer than I could remember ever looking at a sunrise before, then took a picture.

That morning amongst the doom and gloom of work meetings, ever pressing deadlines and the relentless pressure of a pandemic inspired madness I stopped.  I opened the picture on my phone and looked at that beautiful sunrise.  I did not look at the picture for comfort, joy or escape.  At that moment I recognized that I have changed.  I became aware that despite all of the challenges I was facing I was still able to take time for me.  I did something that day that I never did:  I stopped to look at beauty for nothing more than beauty's sake.  I stopped because I was free to do so.  I stopped because if you don't take time to see and appreciate, the journey is nothing more or less.  This is one of the greatest lessons I have learned since I quit; enjoy the ride - we are lucky to be on it.

@jbuck0506 thanks for sharing this part of our journey with me.

oldschool
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Offline jbuck0506

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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #16 on: March 04, 2021, 11:29:39 AM »
Good shit....
Below are portions of a PM I sent to one of my brothers today. I'm posting it here, for myself, for posterity. (The PM functionality on this site is not too robust, so I would have lost this PM after sending it.)


I think we need to face this shit head-on, all the time. I think we need to constantly remind ourselves that we are addicts. Why? Because if people like you and me forget that WE CANNOT DO MODERATION, we're gonna cave. It's fucking inevitable. A year from now, we'll just have a dip. We'll think we're cured and that we can have a few dips here and there. And then we'll be back to 2 tins a day. Almost no doubt about it, man.

Now, I think the problem is assigning some absolutely negative connotation to "addict." I believe some of us feel like lowly pieces of shit because we are addicts. I say no.

You'd be a lowly piece of shit ONLY if you didn't try to change your behavior.

It's bad to be an addict if you're still abusing your addictive medium (whether dip, cigarettes, booze, cocaine, glue, food, sex, gambling, TV, church, exercise, anything)

It's bad to be an addict only if your use of that medium is fucking up your life and the lives around you.

It's bad to be an addict if you let that medium control you.

It's GOOD to be an addict if YOU CONTROL that medium. Why? Because you'll always be in a position to compare the life you now lead (nicotine-free, in our case) versus the life you used to lead (slave to nicotine). Invariably, we will be empowered by controlling that very, very, very strong temptation. We will feel like the slavedriver, dig?

Like, don't you feel GOOD ruling this shit? As hard as it still is to go through some days, even at Day 70, isn't it fucking awesome to OWN this fucking addiction and to be fucking nicotine in the ass?

I'm basically just pointing out that I have made it this far because KTC has reminded me that MODERATION IS IMPOSSIBLE. It has reminded me to focus on the quit. It has reminded me to value the quit. It reminds of these things even when I am in the mood to not care at all....when I am in the mood to consider giving up the fight.

We need to stay reminded, man...we really do.
And this is truly the gift of KTC:  Not only can we learn from those before us, we can share this learning to help others.  Another gift that KTC gives us is one that is unknown to many quitters who have roamed these halls; the gift of distraction, a place of refuge and solace, a place where we can try to forget how miserable we might be feeling by keeping our minds occupied.  Keeping occupied by gaining quit knowledge, sharing quit knowledge, playing games in the wildcard section, talking politics, changing a new group's name, jumping off a cliff and allowing yourself to be vulnerable to a bunch of addicts you don't know, maybe even making some friends.

Joining KTC is deciding to go on a journey with yourself.  Where will this quit take you?  What will you find out about yourself you didn't really even know?  What more can you do with your life now that you are FREE and have the realization that you have the power to be able to do whatever you want - one day at a time.

Proud to quit with you today
oldschool
Hey @oldschool I don't know what the fuck I was doing when I read this almost 4 months ago, but your reply deserves recognition. I can't put into words what this site has done for me and I'm sure countless others, but what you said is dead on balls accurate (My Cousin Vinny reference). It has definitely been a journey, and the more you put into this journey, the more you get out of it.

Offline oldschool

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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #15 on: December 17, 2020, 08:10:39 PM »
Good shit....
Below are portions of a PM I sent to one of my brothers today. I'm posting it here, for myself, for posterity. (The PM functionality on this site is not too robust, so I would have lost this PM after sending it.)


I think we need to face this shit head-on, all the time. I think we need to constantly remind ourselves that we are addicts. Why? Because if people like you and me forget that WE CANNOT DO MODERATION, we're gonna cave. It's fucking inevitable. A year from now, we'll just have a dip. We'll think we're cured and that we can have a few dips here and there. And then we'll be back to 2 tins a day. Almost no doubt about it, man.

Now, I think the problem is assigning some absolutely negative connotation to "addict." I believe some of us feel like lowly pieces of shit because we are addicts. I say no.

You'd be a lowly piece of shit ONLY if you didn't try to change your behavior.

It's bad to be an addict if you're still abusing your addictive medium (whether dip, cigarettes, booze, cocaine, glue, food, sex, gambling, TV, church, exercise, anything)

It's bad to be an addict only if your use of that medium is fucking up your life and the lives around you.

It's bad to be an addict if you let that medium control you.

It's GOOD to be an addict if YOU CONTROL that medium. Why? Because you'll always be in a position to compare the life you now lead (nicotine-free, in our case) versus the life you used to lead (slave to nicotine). Invariably, we will be empowered by controlling that very, very, very strong temptation. We will feel like the slavedriver, dig?

Like, don't you feel GOOD ruling this shit? As hard as it still is to go through some days, even at Day 70, isn't it fucking awesome to OWN this fucking addiction and to be fucking nicotine in the ass?

I'm basically just pointing out that I have made it this far because KTC has reminded me that MODERATION IS IMPOSSIBLE. It has reminded me to focus on the quit. It has reminded me to value the quit. It reminds of these things even when I am in the mood to not care at all....when I am in the mood to consider giving up the fight.

We need to stay reminded, man...we really do.
And this is truly the gift of KTC:  Not only can we learn from those before us, we can share this learning to help others.  Another gift that KTC gives us is one that is unknown to many quitters who have roamed these halls; the gift of distraction, a place of refuge and solace, a place where we can try to forget how miserable we might be feeling by keeping our minds occupied.  Keeping occupied by gaining quit knowledge, sharing quit knowledge, playing games in the wildcard section, talking politics, changing a new group's name, jumping off a cliff and allowing yourself to be vulnerable to a bunch of addicts you don't know, maybe even making some friends.

Joining KTC is deciding to go on a journey with yourself.  Where will this quit take you?  What will you find out about yourself you didn't really even know?  What more can you do with your life now that you are FREE and have the realization that you have the power to be able to do whatever you want - one day at a time.

Proud to quit with you today
oldschool
The only time you fail, is if you don't try

Offline jbuck0506

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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #14 on: December 17, 2020, 04:50:42 PM »
Good shit....
Below are portions of a PM I sent to one of my brothers today. I'm posting it here, for myself, for posterity. (The PM functionality on this site is not too robust, so I would have lost this PM after sending it.)


I think we need to face this shit head-on, all the time. I think we need to constantly remind ourselves that we are addicts. Why? Because if people like you and me forget that WE CANNOT DO MODERATION, we're gonna cave. It's fucking inevitable. A year from now, we'll just have a dip. We'll think we're cured and that we can have a few dips here and there. And then we'll be back to 2 tins a day. Almost no doubt about it, man.

Now, I think the problem is assigning some absolutely negative connotation to "addict." I believe some of us feel like lowly pieces of shit because we are addicts. I say no.

You'd be a lowly piece of shit ONLY if you didn't try to change your behavior.

It's bad to be an addict if you're still abusing your addictive medium (whether dip, cigarettes, booze, cocaine, glue, food, sex, gambling, TV, church, exercise, anything)

It's bad to be an addict only if your use of that medium is fucking up your life and the lives around you.

It's bad to be an addict if you let that medium control you.

It's GOOD to be an addict if YOU CONTROL that medium. Why? Because you'll always be in a position to compare the life you now lead (nicotine-free, in our case) versus the life you used to lead (slave to nicotine). Invariably, we will be empowered by controlling that very, very, very strong temptation. We will feel like the slavedriver, dig?

Like, don't you feel GOOD ruling this shit? As hard as it still is to go through some days, even at Day 70, isn't it fucking awesome to OWN this fucking addiction and to be fucking nicotine in the ass?

I'm basically just pointing out that I have made it this far because KTC has reminded me that MODERATION IS IMPOSSIBLE. It has reminded me to focus on the quit. It has reminded me to value the quit. It reminds of these things even when I am in the mood to not care at all....when I am in the mood to consider giving up the fight.

We need to stay reminded, man...we really do.

Offline Thefranks5

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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #13 on: December 08, 2020, 06:01:42 PM »
Day 49 I have been sitting here trying to figure out how to put into words what is going through my mind right now. It has been awhile since I have written a blog post, but I need to keep an ongoing record for my own sanity. Here goes...
My mother has been smoking cigarettes off and on for my entire life. Most people wouldn't know she smoked and I just found out a few days ago that she had picked up smoking again after stopping for around a year. It deflated me. I understood at that instant what the vets mean, when they say "protect your quit". When a member of your group caves a little piece of your quit goes with them. Finding out my mother caved, definitely did that to me. My quit was weakened a bit. I have been on this site more because of it.
Am I over chewing? Not even close. But I have now realized that I will never be over chewing. In fifteen years, when my quit will be as long as the amount of time I chewed, I will still be an addict. Thats a tough pill to swallow. I never looked at myself as an addict to anything. I read Just One Little Chew? and it was an eye opener. The thought of taking just one little chew has not crossed my mind during my quit, and I don't want to look into the future. But I feel that I need to have a plan. I read todays December HoF conductor write:
Quote
So it may seem a bit hypocritical that I (Virginia Jim) am talking about closing doors when I opened a door after almost 10 years of being quit.  But maybe I understand now better than most the importance of planning ahead for those triggers.  We should always focus on quitting for today first; but I think it is also important to mentally plan for potential triggers in our future and close the door on them.  Thinking ahead may not seem like a perfect plan, who knows what the future may hold, but as George S Patton once said: "A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week."
Today, I made a promise to not put that shit in my mouth. But I am also closing the door on the weakness that came, when I found out my mother caved. I am now stronger than ever in my quit. My life is more important than sticking smokeless tobacco filled with nicotine into my lip one more time. If you are reading this, your life is more important than sticking that bullshit anywhere near your body one more time.
I'm sorry to hear about your mother. But I can tell you will turn this into good by using it to fuel and strengthen your own quit. I'm damn proud to be quit with you today. Hit me up via text or call if you need anything.

Then use this opportunity and get her to quit with you @jbuck0506. My nephew is now is at day 55 and I am at day 279. I had tried to get him on KTC but he is quite the recluse but we text everyday and we promise each other that we will be nic free. I have directed him to the site with links to help him along if I don't have an answer. This could be the big break thru that she needs. As our mommas were there for us all those years we need to return the favor as early and as often as we can. I will be praying for ya and if you need anything let me know.

Offline Athan

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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #12 on: December 08, 2020, 05:10:31 PM »
...But I have now realized that I will never be over chewing. In fifteen years, when my quit will be as long as the amount of time I chewed, I will still be an addict. ..
Yessir. That's the million dollar realization right there. The good news is - we can be free in spite of it (being an addict). Glad you're here. Quitting with you today.
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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #11 on: December 08, 2020, 05:08:42 PM »
Day 49 I have been sitting here trying to figure out how to put into words what is going through my mind right now. It has been awhile since I have written a blog post, but I need to keep an ongoing record for my own sanity. Here goes...
My mother has been smoking cigarettes off and on for my entire life. Most people wouldn't know she smoked and I just found out a few days ago that she had picked up smoking again after stopping for around a year. It deflated me. I understood at that instant what the vets mean, when they say "protect your quit". When a member of your group caves a little piece of your quit goes with them. Finding out my mother caved, definitely did that to me. My quit was weakened a bit. I have been on this site more because of it.
Am I over chewing? Not even close. But I have now realized that I will never be over chewing. In fifteen years, when my quit will be as long as the amount of time I chewed, I will still be an addict. Thats a tough pill to swallow. I never looked at myself as an addict to anything. I read Just One Little Chew? and it was an eye opener. The thought of taking just one little chew has not crossed my mind during my quit, and I don't want to look into the future. But I feel that I need to have a plan. I read todays December HoF conductor write:
Quote
So it may seem a bit hypocritical that I (Virginia Jim) am talking about closing doors when I opened a door after almost 10 years of being quit.  But maybe I understand now better than most the importance of planning ahead for those triggers.  We should always focus on quitting for today first; but I think it is also important to mentally plan for potential triggers in our future and close the door on them.  Thinking ahead may not seem like a perfect plan, who knows what the future may hold, but as George S Patton once said: "A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week."
Today, I made a promise to not put that shit in my mouth. But I am also closing the door on the weakness that came, when I found out my mother caved. I am now stronger than ever in my quit. My life is more important than sticking smokeless tobacco filled with nicotine into my lip one more time. If you are reading this, your life is more important than sticking that bullshit anywhere near your body one more time.
I'm sorry to hear about your mother. But I can tell you will turn this into good by using it to fuel and strengthen your own quit. I'm damn proud to be quit with you today. Hit me up via text or call if you need anything.
Quit: 04.25.16 | HOF: 08.02.16 | 2nd FL: 11.10.16 | 3rd FL: 02.18.17 | 4th FL: 05.29.17 | 5th FL: 09.06.17 | 6th FL: 12.15.17 | 7th FL: 03.25.18 |
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22nd FL: 05.03.22 | 23rd FL: 08.11.22 | 24th FL: 11.19.22 | 25th FL: 02.27.23 | 26th FL: 06.07.23 | 27th FL: 09.15.23 | 28th FL: 12.24.23 |

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Offline jbuck0506

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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #10 on: December 08, 2020, 04:07:49 PM »
Day 49 I have been sitting here trying to figure out how to put into words what is going through my mind right now. It has been awhile since I have written a blog post, but I need to keep an ongoing record for my own sanity. Here goes...
My mother has been smoking cigarettes off and on for my entire life. Most people wouldn't know she smoked and I just found out a few days ago that she had picked up smoking again after stopping for around a year. It deflated me. I understood at that instant what the vets mean, when they say "protect your quit". When a member of your group caves a little piece of your quit goes with them. Finding out my mother caved, definitely did that to me. My quit was weakened a bit. I have been on this site more because of it.
Am I over chewing? Not even close. But I have now realized that I will never be over chewing. In fifteen years, when my quit will be as long as the amount of time I chewed, I will still be an addict. Thats a tough pill to swallow. I never looked at myself as an addict to anything. I read Just One Little Chew? and it was an eye opener. The thought of taking just one little chew has not crossed my mind during my quit, and I don't want to look into the future. But I feel that I need to have a plan. I read todays December HoF conductor write:
Quote
So it may seem a bit hypocritical that I (Virginia Jim) am talking about closing doors when I opened a door after almost 10 years of being quit.  But maybe I understand now better than most the importance of planning ahead for those triggers.  We should always focus on quitting for today first; but I think it is also important to mentally plan for potential triggers in our future and close the door on them.  Thinking ahead may not seem like a perfect plan, who knows what the future may hold, but as George S Patton once said: "A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week."
Today, I made a promise to not put that shit in my mouth. But I am also closing the door on the weakness that came, when I found out my mother caved. I am now stronger than ever in my quit. My life is more important than sticking smokeless tobacco filled with nicotine into my lip one more time. If you are reading this, your life is more important than sticking that bullshit anywhere near your body one more time.

Online Keith0617

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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #9 on: November 06, 2020, 04:11:48 PM »
Day 17
I FEEL great, but in the back of my mind is that little bitch Nic wanting to rear its ugly head and put a lip turd in my mouth. Not a craving like on day 3, but still there nonetheless. Last night my wife asked me how it feels to not have a chew in my mouth for a few weeks and I couldn't really describe the feeling to her. You see, I'm a very open person, except for my feelings and accomplishments. How do I explain to my wife (whom met me for the very first time with a huge nasty dip in my lip) that it feels surreal to be done with something that I have done for so many years, changed schedules around to make sure I could have a dip, stopped on road trips to buy chew, hid in another room during holidays so no one would be bothered by me and hid chew bottles from my kids so they wouldn't accidentally drink them. Tonight my high school football team plays in the second round of districts, we win-we move on to the district championship.
It feels good to be quit on Day 17. Day 18 will be another day.
Good luck with the game
Jan19

Offline jbuck0506

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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #8 on: November 06, 2020, 01:50:54 PM »
Day 17
I FEEL great, but in the back of my mind is that little bitch Nic wanting to rear its ugly head and put a lip turd in my mouth. Not a craving like on day 3, but still there nonetheless. Last night my wife asked me how it feels to not have a chew in my mouth for a few weeks and I couldn't really describe the feeling to her. You see, I'm a very open person, except for my feelings and accomplishments. How do I explain to my wife (whom met me for the very first time with a huge nasty dip in my lip) that it feels surreal to be done with something that I have done for so many years, changed schedules around to make sure I could have a dip, stopped on road trips to buy chew, hid in another room during holidays so no one would be bothered by me and hid chew bottles from my kids so they wouldn't accidentally drink them. Tonight my high school football team plays in the second round of districts, we win-we move on to the district championship.
It feels good to be quit on Day 17. Day 18 will be another day.

Offline jbuck0506

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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2020, 10:42:01 AM »
Here is the original post from July 25, 2019 that I didn't read until Wednesday. Within five minutes of reading this, looking on this site and reading the story about Tom and Jenny Kern, I spit out my last dip. I have since reached out to the author of this story and have connected. Proud to have quit with you today. JB/Day 5

The following is the original post
From:
RawMeat (on MoSports)
@GrizzlySlave (KTC)

Alright, bear with me folks. I have a feeling this is going to be rather lengthy; however, it may resound with some readers and members here. I’ll do my best to make it brief, but already - I digress.

I got into coaching football at a young age. Having started my public education in Canada (where they start kids at an early age), I had just turned 17 when I graduated from HS here in the states. Played my senior season of football at 16. After being in undergrad school two years, I fell into a gig coaching at a small HS.

It didn’t take long to realize the players wanted to see me more as a “buddy” than as a coach. Heck, looking back, there were a few I swear were older than I was at the time. In the ignorance and vanity of my youth, I decided that dipping tobacco may be a way to make myself seem “older” than the kids I was coaching, After all, I’d seen other coaches in my playing days do it and I thought it looked kind of “tough”.

This, of course, is the epitome of faulty thinking. If I’m to be given a pass for diving headfirst into the wonderful universe of nicotine addiction, it would be solely due to the self-confident (and often self-destructive) attitude that only the arrogance of the teen years can provide.

And that, my fellow MoSportsters, is how I became a nicotine addict. As stupid a reason as most could give, I suppose. It had a real epiphany a couple of years ago when I was in the parking lot of an oncology medical center: On their break, several nurses would step outside to inhale cigarettes. Now, think long and hard about that for a minute and reflect upon how addictive nicotine must be...

So I chewed. And I really excelled at it. The only reason I’m not currently rich and famous is because the Olympic committee kept rejecting my proposals to make dipping an Olympic event. I would have been a gold medal winner, many times over.

For those of you who indulge in this cool, clean and attractive pastime (Do note the sarcasm), you’ll nod your head in recognition of how I’d have those lovely cups hidden everywhere, how I knew where to go in the school building to sneak one in on lunch and during my prep time. You’ll know how to smuggle the spit cups out of the building without them being found in the trash cans and being reported by some overzealous custodian.

About 17 years into this lovely adventure, I had a scare: I developed a white, cauliflower-looking area right where I held my dip in several times daily. My physician wanted an immediate biopsy. So, they go in and cut out a chunk of meat right where my gum line meets my cheek and stitch me up. Now, the rational human mind would declare this would be enough to get me to consider hanging up the habit. Au contraire. I actually put a dip in right on top of the incision as I was leaving the medical center. (Talk about a unique and intense pain, by the way).

I could go on and on, but I think I’ve said enough to paint a picture of how deeply the addiction to this stuff goes. Some of you here can relate. Years ago, it seemed like chewing and athletics seemed to go hand in hand and some here, like me, may have gotten caught up in that.

Fast forward to 31 years of chewing. I am now a hopeless smokeless fiend who dips, on average, 5 cans daily. No misprint or typo here, readers; in fact, I don’t know whether I should puff my chest out at this fact or hang my head in shame....well, let’s go with hanging my head in shame. It’s more appropriate. At this point, I both love it and hate it. I load up my face with the stuff (which has been taxed to the point it’s almost worth more than gold dust) get disgusted, spit it out...only to need to do it again 20 minutes later.

I tried so many times to quit, but could rarely go longer than 24 hours. It just didn’t seem worth it. Nicotine withdrawal, to me at least, was like having my mental psyche jabbed with pins. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody, least of all my family would would be exposed to something akin to having a rabid wolverine in the house.

But, fellow readers, there is a way out that actually works.

A couple of years ago, I took my wife and son on a vacation. My plan was to put myself in a situation where I could not get to any tobacco. Anywhere will work, as long as access to a QT or similar place is impossible. 72 hours will do.

I took one can to get through the flight, checking in, all that nonsense. The first afternoon, I spit out the one tiny dip I’d been trying to savor for hours. I told my wife, “Well, I’m out of chew”, to which she replied “well, we’ll be back in our room soon”.

You should’ve seen her face when I said “No, that’s all I brought”. I swear she turned white, even as I assured her it would be alright.

It wasn’t.

Within 6 hours, I’m driving all over the eastern side of Puerto Rico at night, trying to find a can of chew. I’m up in the mountains, rainforest, along the coast. I have no idea where I am, but determined to find some dip.

Finally, some gal in her twenties shared there has been a ban on the island due to them not labeling them with the “warning that pregnant women” shouldn’t use the stuff. (I’ve never seen a pregnant woman dip, but okay). At this point, I resign to the fact that this may be divine intervention and that I should...really and truly...quit.

This gal leans over the counter and so kindly pats my shoulder and says sweetly “Si, senor...you should qweet”. I’ll never forget her or her kindness. I swear she may have been a Hispanic angel...in pumps.

So, I embrace the hell thats about to follow....and it was. I hiked the rainforest. I snorkeled for hours at a time and actually caught myself shrieking at the coral and shrimp underwater in anger. At the hotel, my family kept me in a room. I had to look like Linda Blair in The Exorcist...and I was about as congenial. Going cold turkey after 31 years of hard core tobacco use is not for anybody. The first 72 hours are the worse physically. The next 100 days are total mind games that have to be monitored perpetually.

So, what’s my point?

I have two.

Although I so regret the funds I’ve blown on that stuff over the years (after all that $ should have been for my family and for positive things, not to feed a nasty, destructive habit), I mostly regret if I influenced any young lad to begin chewing. To say it’s a bad example is an understatement. Despite common perception, there may have been a player or two who took up the habit by emulation. God, I hope not, but can’t help but feel there have been a few.

Secondly, there is hope. I celebrate 2 years of being totally tobacco-free this week. I post this after reading a couple of references to chewing and thought I’d reach out. If I, The most hopeless chew fiend I’ve ever even heard of can kick this....anyone can. I invite anyone struggling with this to reach out to me on:

ktcforum.org
killthecan.org

It made the difference for me in staying with it. Seek me out there (GrizzlySlave. Although now no longer a slave!) and I’d be happy to sponsor anyone who is ready to take the step.

Offline EXBEARHAG

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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #6 on: October 24, 2020, 01:08:58 PM »
I've attempted to quit many times, once for more than 6 months. Every time I pick it back up again and with more vengeance, chewing more and keeping it in longer than I did previously. I coach high school football and that is a trigger for me to chew. I'm done. I have two small children, that don't see me chew often, but when they do they ask me what is in my lip. I'm tired of lying and hiding this awful addiction from them. My wife is incredibly laid back and has never really come out and asked me to quit, but I know that she obviously wants me to stop. I read a post on a football forum in my home state that hit me like a ton of bricks and although I have a chew in my mouth right now (can't spit it out until my students are gone) i'm ready to be done. This is my final chew. I'm going home tonight and throwing away the log I just purchased. Thanks for your time. I have much to learn, and I don't know where this will take me, but I pledge to quit today.

Hey @jbuck0506

First, welcome aboard!!  You'll have to work for it but KTC will give you tools and resources that you will not get elsewhere...and, IMHO, will give you a much better shot at quitting for good...one day at a time.

Second, what was it that you read on that football forum?  Can post a link here?  If it moved you to act, it may move someone else that is watching these boards and has not yet committed and/or reinforce a member here who is struggling.

Third, I'm a coach as well (hockey and lacrosse) and coaching was also a huge trigger for me.  Can't tell you how embarrassing that statement is for me to type.  Families trusted me to guide their children and I set a bad example and possibly introduced kids to nicotine use.  What's past is past but now I couldn't even fathom putting a dip in my face while in front of kids.  The first couple weeks were tough and I didn't think I could make it through but it got easier quickly and now it hardly crosses my mind while at the rink.  You can do it and you WILL be a better coach because of it.

Lastly, take this one day at a time...one moment at a time when you need to.  Come here to rage; leave your family and students out of it.  We understand and will rage right back.  Finally, use the tools that are here.  Reach out for folks in your group or vets that you trust before you cave...well before.  We've been there and can get you through.

Happy to have you coach.  Message me if you'd like my digits.  Hold that line brother.

Offline CTF

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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2020, 02:15:22 AM »
I've attempted to quit many times, once for more than 6 months. Every time I pick it back up again and with more vengeance, chewing more and keeping it in longer than I did previously. I coach high school football and that is a trigger for me to chew. I'm done. I have two small children, that don't see me chew often, but when they do they ask me what is in my lip. I'm tired of lying and hiding this awful addiction from them. My wife is incredibly laid back and has never really come out and asked me to quit, but I know that she obviously wants me to stop. I read a post on a football forum in my home state that hit me like a ton of bricks and although I have a chew in my mouth right now (can't spit it out until my students are gone) i'm ready to be done. This is my final chew. I'm going home tonight and throwing away the log I just purchased. Thanks for your time. I have much to learn, and I don't know where this will take me, but I pledge to quit today.
Welcome @jbuck0506! And congrats on making the best decision ever - to break free from the chains of addiction and take your life back one day at a time.

For starters, go to the January 2021 group and post roll. Posting roll is something we do here each and every morning right when we wake up. It's our promise to ourselves and our fellow quitters that we will remain tobacco/nicotine free for the next 24 hours come hell or high water. Quitting for forever is mentally too daunting. That is why we quit for TODAY. Anyone can quit for 24 hours. This method is proven and will work if you dive in and give 100%.

Make sure to flush whatever poison you have left. Throwing it away still allows for you to go and retrieve it from the trash. Flushing is more effective and completely eliminates whatever nicotine products you had.

Also, start to share your digits with your fellow quitters using the "My Messages" tab (or envelope icon if you are on mobile) and begin to create an accountability network. As the header says: Brotherhood + Accountability = Success. We have all come here because we couldn't quit on our own. So be ready to form relationships, hold people accountability and let other people hold you accountable.

Finally, make sure you are quitting for yourself. This is time where it is ok to be selfish. I have a wife and small children as well but heaven forbid something happens to them and I've attached my quit to them. At that point, I could argue there is no reason to remain quit. But since I have quit for myself, I will always have reason to make sure my name is on roll each and every day and I honor my promise to myself and the KTC community.

The next few days are going to suck so get ready. Drink a ton of water and find ways to curb the oral fixation whether that be with sunflower seeds, gum, altoids, candy, toothpicks or even fake dip as long as it had zero tobacco or nicotine (common brands include Grinds, Smokey Mountain, Baccoff, Jakes, Teaza). You can do this!
Thank you, those are very wise words. I DO need to quit for myself. Also, consider them flushed.

@jbuck0506
Those are some great suggestions by some seasoned vets. Let me leave you with one thing to consider. Imagine 100 days quit and you look back on it thinking your gums don't hurt anymore, you don't have to sneak off to get a lip, your wife durring the process encourages you and with kind eyes thanking you for what you are doing. At that moment you realize it was all worth it. That exact thing happened to me and it can happen to you.

I wish you the best of luck. If there is anything I can do for you send me a PM and I can pass on how I got to 146 days quit and I plan to keep going.

Stay Strong.

CTF

Offline jbuck0506

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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2020, 11:51:58 AM »
I've attempted to quit many times, once for more than 6 months. Every time I pick it back up again and with more vengeance, chewing more and keeping it in longer than I did previously. I coach high school football and that is a trigger for me to chew. I'm done. I have two small children, that don't see me chew often, but when they do they ask me what is in my lip. I'm tired of lying and hiding this awful addiction from them. My wife is incredibly laid back and has never really come out and asked me to quit, but I know that she obviously wants me to stop. I read a post on a football forum in my home state that hit me like a ton of bricks and although I have a chew in my mouth right now (can't spit it out until my students are gone) i'm ready to be done. This is my final chew. I'm going home tonight and throwing away the log I just purchased. Thanks for your time. I have much to learn, and I don't know where this will take me, but I pledge to quit today.
Welcome @jbuck0506! And congrats on making the best decision ever - to break free from the chains of addiction and take your life back one day at a time.

For starters, go to the January 2021 group and post roll. Posting roll is something we do here each and every morning right when we wake up. It's our promise to ourselves and our fellow quitters that we will remain tobacco/nicotine free for the next 24 hours come hell or high water. Quitting for forever is mentally too daunting. That is why we quit for TODAY. Anyone can quit for 24 hours. This method is proven and will work if you dive in and give 100%.

Make sure to flush whatever poison you have left. Throwing it away still allows for you to go and retrieve it from the trash. Flushing is more effective and completely eliminates whatever nicotine products you had.

Also, start to share your digits with your fellow quitters using the "My Messages" tab (or envelope icon if you are on mobile) and begin to create an accountability network. As the header says: Brotherhood + Accountability = Success. We have all come here because we couldn't quit on our own. So be ready to form relationships, hold people accountability and let other people hold you accountable.

Finally, make sure you are quitting for yourself. This is time where it is ok to be selfish. I have a wife and small children as well but heaven forbid something happens to them and I've attached my quit to them. At that point, I could argue there is no reason to remain quit. But since I have quit for myself, I will always have reason to make sure my name is on roll each and every day and I honor my promise to myself and the KTC community.

The next few days are going to suck so get ready. Drink a ton of water and find ways to curb the oral fixation whether that be with sunflower seeds, gum, altoids, candy, toothpicks or even fake dip as long as it had zero tobacco or nicotine (common brands include Grinds, Smokey Mountain, Baccoff, Jakes, Teaza). You can do this!
Thank you, those are very wise words. I DO need to quit for myself. Also, consider them flushed.

Offline Hill_Monkey

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Re: Starting Again
« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2020, 11:11:38 AM »
I've had many failed attempts as well. Finding this site has been helpful on my quitting journey. Posting a promise to be nicotine free everyday & changing the way I talk about quitting (which I learned here) are new tools for me.