my final quit

[gottadoit3]

Today is day 31. Man if I don't want to take a dip right now I never have before! I have full confidence that I will not. But damn it is still there, whispering my name. It is very similar to how I want to contact my long lost ex girlfriend every day of my life but I don't, because I know there is no point. I know there is no point to me taking a dip. I know as soon as I do it I will be in a sea of regret. I know that refusing to take a dip will make me stronger.

Every time I tell myself no I win. I'm winning right now. You're winning right now if you're quit. Go an hour without having a dip and you win. Go an hour after that, and so on. Then you will win.

I know I am at Day 31. I know some day I will be at day 50. Then someday I will be at day 100. But when I think about: the rest of my life man it just seems like such a daunting and challenging task.

I know I can do it thanks to this forum and help support. I must continue on. I must press on and go. I must I must I must. Some don't ever make it to the day that they are truly quit. Some die before that day comes, knowing they should have quit. I'll be damned if that is my fate. Thank you KTC I will be on here later.

Until next time.

[gottadoit3]

Today was day 28. Today was particulary strong in the psychological withdrawal department. Something was really just telling me "just take one just take one" I said HELL NO! I'm glad I did too I feel so much better towards the night! Earlier today as I was on my lunch break at work I was tempted. I was walking into the living room where my brother was sitting on the couch. I look over and see that can of Copenhagen that he bought the other day. Man did I want one! But I said no. I then went back to work later and my mind told me again "You can take one and then quit again!" "You've made it 28 days, you can afford to take one and then quit again." Then I said, "Screw that you liar."

Because I know as soon as I do take another one. I will begin to regret it as I have done many many times in the past.

You know before I even started dipping at age 21 or 22 (whenever it was can't remember exactly, but pretty sure 21) I had no way of even imagining how hard it is to quit. The physical withdrawals aren't necessarily the hard part. It's the psychological part that sticks with you that is hard. That is the part which I battled today very hard. It really felt like I was THIS close to caving, but also somewhere deep within my mind I knew I wasn't going to!

I will post later.

[gottadoit3]

it does get easier but remember...you are and always will be an addict so treat it as such..never let your guard down and just focus on today.

Today was the 4th of July so it was naturally slightly tempting. As a matter of fact I was at a pool party when I struck up a conversation with someone there. During the course of the interaction, he pulled out a can, and titled it up and down as he was talking (conversation about jobs and careers). I see the flavor and brand and quickly tell him: "Man that is the best dip right there that's what I used to use all the time." And it felt good to say that to him, while fully physically knowing I wasn't going to truly give in and get a dip. Still there was an element of weakness today I must admit. I do not let it discourage me however, and neither should anyone if they're feeling the same way. There will be tests.

There are two underlying factors that have been brought to me here recently. One is the full realization that caving will always result in disappointment.

Many times I have caved before. Not until recently did it truly hit me that caving and all the times I caved in the past were actually avoidable. If I had chosen not to dip instead of CHOOSING to dip I would have came out on top, no matter how slow the time passed or how down I felt.

The next factor is this website. It gives me an outlet to go to when I do feel that temptation. Whereas times in the past I would talk myself into getting a dip. Even if I had "quit", I would find an excuse to go and BUY A CAN!

The more the muscle is flexed the easier it is to use, the stronger it gets etc. Finding the ability to say, "No" is a muscle within itself. It is strengthened every time time you choose NOT to yield to temptation!

This coupled with the accountability tool of a roll call are the sword and shield of the quit.

[Weedsta]

glad to see you are posting on here concerning your daily struggles..we have all had them and I am proud the Phuctup has been here the entire time with you...follow his lead and you will do fine...keep pressing ODAAT...it does get easier but remember...you are and always will be an addict so treat it as such..never let your guard down and just focus on today.

When I focus on the fact that I will never dip again i get a lil anxiety so I just focus on ODAAT and it all goes away...

Proud to be quit with you today.

[PhuctUp]

Today was 22. I've been so stressed lately I can hardly describe it. It's because of outside things happening besides quitting dip. This feels very strong, especially with not having the dip as a 'release'. I know I am making the right choice. Today has been some dark times. Felt this awful unease and sense of impending doom in my chest cause I'm so stressed. I know it is all temporary. I will deal with this and get over the speed bump. Until next time.

If I have seen it on this forum once, I've seen it a thousand times. It goes something like this:

1 problem + nicotine = 2 problems.

I don't have my release either. I had two. I dipped AND drank heavily; dip every day, drinking almost every day. We all had the same fear about "What will I do now when I need my release?" I will be completely honest when I say that I still have no fucking idea what my release is going to be. Right now, I eat a shitload of MM's at night when I'm just sitting here. It helps me finish the day in which I vowed I would stay nicotine free. And that's ALL I promised this morning. Just keep putting up the +1's no matter how you get it done right now. I think my "release" will come one day and I won't even realize it has arrived. One thing that helps give me that release every night is just coming on here and talking to people and reading other people's struggles and victories and hoping maybe there might be something I say that could help somebody else. It helps me right now. I MUST get on here every night even when I've worked myself silly and I just want to go to bed. And if this website is my addiction for a little bit, who the hell cares. It gives me another +1.

As for the stress, I don't know what you do for a living, but few of us have jobs that could actually be termed as life or death. Ultimately our entire lives are basically +1's in which you just try to live the shit out of each and every day. Example. Yesterday we were at Starbucks and one of the baristas was holding up a platter of cupcakes and another barista was about to take her picture while holding them. I just marched my ass behind the counter and photobombed it. It was amazing. I never used to do that shit. My daughter was SOOO embarrassed. But we both laughed about it all day. it was like stress kryptonite.

Just live, young man. You are so freaking young. Just live. Be proud as shit that you quit this shit so early in life. Now just live. Enjoy the shit out of it.

[gottadoit3]

Today was 22. I've been so stressed lately I can hardly describe it. It's because of outside things happening besides quitting dip. This feels very strong, especially with not having the dip as a 'release'. I know I am making the right choice. Today has been some dark times. Felt this awful unease and sense of impending doom in my chest cause I'm so stressed. I know it is all temporary. I will deal with this and get over the speed bump. Until next time.

[gottadoit3]

Day 17 I woke up and went to a friends. He showed me some paint he had been doing on an old import. I didn't much think of dip then. I am able to feel normal. However, with each passing moment, one action leading up to another one in the sequence of events I might think of dip. Even still, knowing I was required to go in to work that day meant it wouldn't just be some "easy task" if you will. It went smooth and well, with not much thought given to the tobacco. But later on tonight, after I had been home from work for about 2 hours I began to really think about it.

And then it came as soft as a whisper in my ear, "One won't hurt you! One won't hurt at all go ahead!" I quickly refuted those thoughts. A pulled myself together with ease and it all went out. Then I realized:

Part of quitting successfully is self control.

Which brings me to self control:

self control is simply realizing that same voice that says take one is also the same voice that says no! It is a battle within myself.

The rules never change. When the question is asked, "Take a dip?" the answer is always an emphatic NO!

[gottadoit3]

I tried the nicotine gum for a few days and began feeling the withdrawals. Went back on the can yesterday and finally said screw it this morning. Keep fighting the good fight!

Thank you. Today was 15 and while and after hanging with some old friends I had bad withdrawals again. It was a mean craving, though I will not cave. If worst turns to worst I put an Extra spearmint gum in and I am done with it.

It is almost like the feeling of overwhelming boredom with life as a whole. I still enjoy work and hobbies. But it is just the aspect of viewing things from the mundane perspective, whereas in other cases, (had I chose Copenhagen again, which could be the case, seeing as how I had done so many times in the past!)I would have enjoyed them so much to the point of having not a care in the world.

And suddenly it came to me. I noticed that from the time I woke up, had been awake for an hour and driving to a restaurant that I did not think about dip. Since that moment it has been crystal clear to me:

it is all temporary!!!

Rome was not built in a day. You are essentially "unlearning" that part of your body/mind that is used to being dependent on nicotine. Until then be AWARE and HOLD ON TIGHT!!!

[Saltydog]

I tried the nicotine gum for a few days and began feeling the withdrawals. Went back on the can yesterday and finally said screw it this morning. Keep fighting the good fight!

[gottadoit3]

Today is day 11. Today has been much worse than yesterday for whatever reason. I've really been tempted today to go to a store and get a can. I am confident I will not, but the thought is very much there. I've had multiple moments throughout today, one being pretty intense, where I felt like, "Darn I want a dip." I will continue on through the quit, however. Why? Because I can.

[gottadoit3]

Today is 10. So far I've felt completely normal all day. No cravings, or withdrawals at all. It feels like me before I started dipping or when I was using nicotine. I know tests will come in the future, however. I went for a good drive just earlier today and am about to put my door and bumper on the car. Those are two big tests for me. Driving and working on a car. I passed one. Now I have to fix it without getting a dip. I haven't had any fog or weird feeling in my head. I feel really good honestly. I can guarantee myself it will get tough around the 14 day mark the two week mark.

[PhuctUp]

Yeah it just seems really natural to try to post in this thread about my quit.

Do it every damn day if it keeps you quit. If somebody gets tired of seeing your name at the top of the intros every day, just explain to them this concept I like to call "tough shit."

[gottadoit3]

Yeah it just seems really natural to try to post in this thread about my quit. Today was really easy it went by much better today. Did have slight cravings here and there but they were minimal and subtle. I was thinking today as I was driving down the road, "You've made many posts about your quit, but how many posts have made made helping other people and encouraging them? Bringing up my quit is doing only 50 percent of the job!"

[Bulldog0311]

I just got done reading your posts. Many of the feelings of rage and frustration are ones I shared. I love the fact that you are documenting your quit on here like a journal. I did the same thing. I have to tell you I am quit now for 1296 days. I went back and read my own intro page and my journaling of my first 6 months. I don't know that guy. It was shocking and scary to read. I can't believe I was under that much control from a dead plant. A cat turd. It's so amazing to go back and read that. To remember. You will forget some things because life becomes so much better when your off the leash.

Stay strong man. One day at a time.

[gottadoit3]

Today was day 8. Today was a day full of stress. As I was trying to work on the car today, I completely lost it in frustration. I got so mad that I began saying things to my brother I regret. I feel awful over it. I didn't know I was really capable of such rage and lack of control. It's a really weird feeling. It seemed today, especially towards the end of the day, that every little problem or impediment that came up was such a big deal. And it swept me so quickly and I react with such stark negativity. It is a bad feeling of negativity. I feel almost like I'm viewing myself in third person, or the way that people that I know (not necessarily family and close friends per se, more just like acquaintances/people I sort of know but not really) view me but in an exaggerated and negative light. It almost for a second feels that there is no hope! I know that is completely dark! I also know that it is completely unreasonable! I know this is me dealing with the withdrawals; dealing with the lack of nicotine and stress of every day life. On the bright side, despite all the intense stress/negative thinking, no part of me is truly contemplating getting a dip. It's almost like as soon as my mind thinks about it, I shut it off, with ease too! That's why I am happy. I might be feeling bad mentally and agitated, but I still feel strong and grounded in my quit. That is a plus.

It can be so hard to describe why exactly you get frustrated. It seems like the second I really try to put it into words why I'm mad/what is stressing me out it just becomes so silly, mundane, and trivial. It's almost like explaining it makes it seem so small and stupid. It seems like such a huge deal at the time. Time has a way of taking time I suppose.

Head is still feeling slightly foggy. Not much at all, but a little. I expected the physical side of this to be done with by day 8 but I guess not. Maybe my psychological state is triggering me to feel physical withdrawals.