Day one

[olcpo]

So I walk North until I feel the sun on my face, unless its cloudy like today, then walk up the mountain. ...

The Truth is the Truth whether I choose to believe it or not.

Thanks for the imagery, it's like I'm there with you.  My older brother has 50 acres at the base of Mount Mansfield in Vermont. It's a scene right out of a post card. Your blog took me back there. Alas, I'm free while he remains a slave.
Love the quote on truth.  There IS such as thing as objective reality.
If you jump off of a bridge and don't believe in gravity - you still fall.
And before you go kersplat, you will become cognizant that the universe exists outside of and independent of your perception, all the while including you in it.
But that's another class. Rather enjoy your blogging it out.  My quit was growing stale; I have lost perspective. Thanks for writing it out, taking the time to share it with and edify us all.
IQWYT

Thanks @Athan. I appreciate your kind words and your musings on the congealed synapses of the muddled mind of mine. "Kersplat" What a word! one you can hear and feel, I love words with texture, like ooze... and now Kersplat...Kersplat...raining jello...Better get out of here and head for the mountain...

[Athan]

So I walk North until I feel the sun on my face, unless its cloudy like today, then walk up the mountain. ...

The Truth is the Truth whether I choose to believe it or not.

Thanks for the imagery, it's like I'm there with you.  My older brother has 50 acres at the base of Mount Mansfield in Vermont. It's a scene right out of a post card. Your blog took me back there. Alas, I'm free while he remains a slave.
Love the quote on truth.  There IS such as thing as objective reality.
If you jump off of a bridge and don't believe in gravity - you still fall.
And before you go kersplat, you will become cognizant that the universe exists outside of and independent of your perception, all the while including you in it.
But that's another class. Rather enjoy your blogging it out.  My quit was growing stale; I have lost perspective. Thanks for writing it out, taking the time to share it with and edify us all.
IQWYT

[olcpo]

Day 31 -  Cruising around the KTC site. What a great collection of wit and wisdom.

I found this reference on @kybo  's Intro page: https://www.deltadental.com/us/en/protect-my-smile/overall-health/smokeless-tobacco.html  It is an excellent one stop compilation of the early quit process, what to expect, great suggestions and methods.

Back into the days melting together. Day after Christmas, clear and cold enough to not to hang outside. I watched some old movies, Went for a walk, got a few honey-do's out of the way, firewood. Real mellow. We are in the 2 weeks of the year where the sun doesn't hit the house. It is in the shadow of a mountain. So I walk North until I feel the sun on my face, unless its cloudy like today, then walk up the mountain. I'm finding I enjoy the moving and sweating more with NNT. Keeps me away from food too. Down 5 pounds since those first couple weeks 10 pound gain. So, AGAIN, as I was told by the wise KTC Vets, It will get better, the weight will settle down, the appetite will simmer down, the craves will get farther apart and less intense. Amazing. The truth can be found HERE. In a time and place where truth is relative and justice is up for discussion depending on who you are, If the vets of KTC tell you something will occur and to hang in there, it will happen. Count on it.

The Truth is the Truth whether I choose to believe it or not.
Olcpo

[Athan]

... then sitting in the middle of the heap with a lost look when the presents run out. ...

A sad thing indeed.  Happy is the man who wants what he has...

[olcpo]

Day 30 Christmas Day. A good day. Some family around, a good pause to miss those not here with us. As usual, a mix of joy and melancholy. What was seems better than what is. But when what was is created into what is, its never as good as what was. Similar to the possession that will make me happy if I have "that". When I get "that", its great for a moment then off to the next "that". Watching nephew's kids open presents reminded me of that. Literally sitting in the middle of a pile of presents paper and unwrapped toys frenetically tearing and ripping and grunting pawing for the next one then sitting in the middle of the heap with a lost look when the presents run out. Been there felt that. Amazing creature the human. No one taught us that, is it a learned response from observation? Adults do it too, but we are more refined in our approach,"If I didn't get it I'll just buy it...".

Ate too much, paying for it today. Prime rib King crab, wow. Good for another year. Only once did I think of the chew that was. Brief, fleeting, then gone. Just enough to offer the threat, probing letting me know they are still around. Gone zero desire not even the fake stuff. Gotta crawl out of the overfull funk get moving today, 18 degrees this morning, looks like the sun will shine, maybe get a walk in and some air.

So after all of the reflection yesterday. Today is the moment. Be in the moment. Now. Now is the only real. A life of ODAAT!
Olcpo

[olcpo]

Day 29 Christmas Eve. I'm free! I'm grateful! Feeling good today, managed to beat the 24 hr whatever it was. It's good to head into Christmas without invoking the ninja chew protocol. No worrying about being stocked up with the stores closed for Christmas. Finally getting a little ahead on the appetite thing. Being sick yesterday, I didn't eat. Not hungry today, coffee tastes good. Reading about hunger and managing it, most informative. It's all in my head, no less real but its not the body crying for food. Much the same as the desire for chew after the nicotine is gone from our systems. Same trigger function, habit implementation, physical response (mouth watering, shakes, narrowed focus, increased heart rate). At the most, 20 minutes. In 20 minutes or less it will pass. So the challenge is the 20 minutes. We have all, all who are on this side of quit, done it. Stifle the crave to get past the screaming nicodemons. So experimenting with this food crave/fasting thing. I have enough fat packed on to carry me through to next Christmas. I read about a guy who fasted for 368 days, cannot imagine nor will I head there. My goal is to manage. Not play into the compulsive urges no matter what they are related to. Food, alcohol, tobacco, buying crap I don't need, saying things that don't need to be said...

Merry Christmas! The quit is a great gift, not the greatest, but a great gift.
Olcpo

[AndyCan]

Day 28 missed a couple. Part busy part nothing new to add. I feel like crap today, but I don't think its nicotine or lack thereof. Weekly medicine wearing off too soon. There was a time when I would have thought a chew would make it feel better, take the chew, nope didn't help...a little is good more is better. I can't think of anything with which that holds up as true. Food, drink, debt, sleep, no sleep. work, play...anything in excess loses it's shine quickly. But More Quit works, A little is good more is better.
Olcpo

Missed you these last few days, but like the saying goes - sometimes no news is good news.  As it goes along, it may be more stressful to continue a daily write up anyway.  Periodic checkins are great. Do whatever you feel.  Speaking of feelings, hope you’re feeling better soon.    Feeling crummy on Christmas is no fun. 

[olcpo]

Day 28 missed a couple. Part busy part nothing new to add. I feel like crap today, but I don't think its nicotine or lack thereof. Weekly medicine wearing off too soon. There was a time when I would have thought a chew would make it feel better, take the chew, nope didn't help...a little is good more is better. I can't think of anything with which that holds up as true. Food, drink, debt, sleep, no sleep. work, play...anything in excess loses it's shine quickly. But More Quit works, A little is good more is better.
Olcpo

[olcpo]

Day 25 - Getting pretty boring around here and I love it. The usual aches n pains of 65 years, reminders of the Immortal sense of youth that encourages the reckless abandon of "It can't happen to me" or  "it will heal". Every dummy that shoves crap in their lip adheres to that mantra. So, I am addicted to Nicotine, more addictive than heroine. The light has come on. It can happen to me. It may heal but will never be as good. Shades of wisdom and discernment. Not fear, but recognizing the consequences of My choices before I choose. Rather than being on the other side looking back, saying coulda, woulda, shoulda.

To sum it all up, "When you're up to your nose in shit, keep your mouth shut" Dad
Olcpo

[Athan]

Day 24 - Busy is key. When I'm busy I am thinking about the moment: the task at hand or the person with whom I am interacting. There is this drive to be done, complete the moment and move on to the next or rest. The "rest" is where the mind can conjure and create, constantly assessing "what could make this moment better?", the nicodemons playground.

Yesterday they got kicked in the teeth. Driving the bosses newer truck all was well, nice and warm, roads were good, good tunes, errands run and done, full tank of fuel, coffee tasted good, bite of smoked fish was amazing..."What could make this moment better?"... Chew? NOT. What made it better is that I am quit. Free.

Amazing. The addiction. Tobacco through it's addictive quality is revered, worshiped, chased, fought over, hoarded, secreted, stashed, dreamed about, craved, lied for, ________(you fill it in).  50 years off and on, various forms of tobacco in my life. I am quit.

From the outside looking in "What heck was I thinking?" So now to maintain this fresh perspective. Keep it new. Now the QUIT is to be revered, worshiped, chased, fought over, hoarded, secreted, stashed, dreamed about, craved, lied for, _ clogged for (you fill it in). ODAAT WUPP

[olcpo]

Day 24 - Busy is key. When I'm busy I am thinking about the moment: the task at hand or the person with whom I am interacting. There is this drive to be done, complete the moment and move on to the next or rest. The "rest" is where the mind can conjure and create, constantly assessing "what could make this moment better?", the nicodemons playground.

Yesterday they got kicked in the teeth. Driving the bosses newer truck all was well, nice and warm, roads were good, good tunes, errands run and done, full tank of fuel, coffee tasted good, bite of smoked fish was amazing..."What could make this moment better?"... Chew? NOT. What made it better is that I am quit. Free.

Amazing. The addiction. Tobacco through it's addictive quality is revered, worshiped, chased, fought over, hoarded, secreted, stashed, dreamed about, craved, lied for, ________(you fill it in).  50 years off and on, various forms of tobacco in my life. I am quit.

From the outside looking in "What heck was I thinking?" So now to maintain this fresh perspective. Keep it new. Now the QUIT is to be revered, worshiped, chased, fought over, hoarded, secreted, stashed, dreamed about, craved, lied for, ________(you fill it in). ODAAT WUPP

[olcpo]

Day 23 - Mellow day, cold out, high of 21f. Not as cold as it will get, but hey its still fall. Not much incentive to go outside. Went for short walk, read a book...nothing special.

I had a phony mint pouch, Green Leaf Organic, good flavor but the pouches are weak so it comes apart, crap everywhere in my mouth, brings back nasty memories so I don't keep it in long. I see this as a good thing. I caught myself checking my pockets to make sure I had my chew, which I don't have anymore, then thought about the phony chew...cut it off, an unpleasant routine resurfaced. I will not trade one ball and chain for another. I left, no phony chew, refused to even look for it. I realize its a tool, but I want to work on the reason that I want it, not need it. I want to work towards where I want it because it tastes good, Not because it serves as a lame replacement or pseudo-chew pacifier because those reasons are the habit is still working/lurking. I am an addict. I know that. I am quit. I know that. ODAAT NNT

Busy day tomorrow, looking forward to it.
Olcpo

I get this.  I know you keep talking about not wanting to use the fake, I get this.  However, if it can provide you a way to stay off the real stuff, even for one time, by all means.  It didn’t bother me one bit in the first month or so to use fake.  I’m not sure how long I used it, but eventually I just got tired of it due to the lack of any real benefit beyond the caffeine. 

From time to time over the last year, I’ve thought about buying a can of fake for a just in case moment or for a day when I do get a particularly real crave.  But, I’ve stopped myself short each time right before purchase.  Basically for no other reason than just not wanting to carry on a gross habit of my past.  So maybe that’s part of it or most of it for you as well.  The fake stuff is similar in the look and actions of our old addiction, but it is separate.  There’s no chemical driving force, you’re not going to become addicted to the fake (frankly none of its good enough in my opinion), and you’re still quit if you choose to use it. 

Stash some of the fake in your truck, stash some in your shop, your house, your garage, wherever you might ever want it.  Maybe stop carrying it on you so you aren’t checking for it on the way out the door.  You know you don’t need it, you’ve already proven that.  But you also don’t have to fight it so hard.  Just take the pressure off yourself a bit and realize that you’ve already won.  For 23 days you’ve kicked nicotine in the teeth, and you’ll continue to do so.  Habits are hard to break, but they won’t bring the same harm as your addiction.  Keep it light, you got this!

As Always,  Thank you and I appreciate you, @AndyCan . You are right, the fake is as close as I want to get. I will rathole some for that moment. Good to hear it will fade. Thanks again for the encouragement.

[AndyCan]

Day 23 - Mellow day, cold out, high of 21f. Not as cold as it will get, but hey its still fall. Not much incentive to go outside. Went for short walk, read a book...nothing special.

I had a phony mint pouch, Green Leaf Organic, good flavor but the pouches are weak so it comes apart, crap everywhere in my mouth, brings back nasty memories so I don't keep it in long. I see this as a good thing. I caught myself checking my pockets to make sure I had my chew, which I don't have anymore, then thought about the phony chew...cut it off, an unpleasant routine resurfaced. I will not trade one ball and chain for another. I left, no phony chew, refused to even look for it. I realize its a tool, but I want to work on the reason that I want it, not need it. I want to work towards where I want it because it tastes good, Not because it serves as a lame replacement or pseudo-chew pacifier because those reasons are the habit is still working/lurking. I am an addict. I know that. I am quit. I know that. ODAAT NNT

Busy day tomorrow, looking forward to it.
Olcpo

I get this.  I know you keep talking about not wanting to use the fake, I get this.  However, if it can provide you a way to stay off the real stuff, even for one time, by all means.  It didn’t bother me one bit in the first month or so to use fake.  I’m not sure how long I used it, but eventually I just got tired of it due to the lack of any real benefit beyond the caffeine. 

From time to time over the last year, I’ve thought about buying a can of fake for a just in case moment or for a day when I do get a particularly real crave.  But, I’ve stopped myself short each time right before purchase.  Basically for no other reason than just not wanting to carry on a gross habit of my past.  So maybe that’s part of it or most of it for you as well.  The fake stuff is similar in the look and actions of our old addiction, but it is separate.  There’s no chemical driving force, you’re not going to become addicted to the fake (frankly none of its good enough in my opinion), and you’re still quit if you choose to use it. 

Stash some of the fake in your truck, stash some in your shop, your house, your garage, wherever you might ever want it.  Maybe stop carrying it on you so you aren’t checking for it on the way out the door.  You know you don’t need it, you’ve already proven that.  But you also don’t have to fight it so hard.  Just take the pressure off yourself a bit and realize that you’ve already won.  For 23 days you’ve kicked nicotine in the teeth, and you’ll continue to do so.  Habits are hard to break, but they won’t bring the same harm as your addiction.  Keep it light, you got this!

[olcpo]

Day 23 - Mellow day, cold out, high of 21f. Not as cold as it will get, but hey its still fall. Not much incentive to go outside. Went for short walk, read a book...nothing special.

I had a phony mint pouch, Green Leaf Organic, good flavor but the pouches are weak so it comes apart, crap everywhere in my mouth, brings back nasty memories so I don't keep it in long. I see this as a good thing. I caught myself checking my pockets to make sure I had my chew, which I don't have anymore, then thought about the phony chew...cut it off, an unpleasant routine resurfaced. I will not trade one ball and chain for another. I left, no phony chew, refused to even look for it. I realize its a tool, but I want to work on the reason that I want it, not need it. I want to work towards where I want it because it tastes good, Not because it serves as a lame replacement or pseudo-chew pacifier because those reasons are the habit is still working/lurking. I am an addict. I know that. I am quit. I know that. ODAAT NNT

Busy day tomorrow, looking forward to it.
Olcpo

[Athan]

Day 22- It was a good day. A little trouble getting moving. I get in these funks and have zero ambition. It takes everything I have got to get moving and do anything. Yesterday was a machine shop day. A good day came home tired. It seems I get over a piece of metal on the lathe and the nicodemon shows up. Grabbed a fake mint pouch and a belt of water and commenced to make chips. People see the phony chew and ask "are you chewing again?", explain its fake stuff, quite often then I get the stink eye of doubt and the subject changes. So I think the next thing is to step away from the fake stuff. Can't chew gum, locks my jaw up, but maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing either; keep my mouth shut and can't stuff anything in there. Which leads to another "next thing", dropping some weight. What a flippin mess. All of the addictions and excesses I cultivate. That is fodder for another philosophical rant...
Olcpo

I hear you on the motivation part.  I was stricken with a severe bout of laziness three weekends in a row.  Terrible stuff. My addict brain tried to reason that it was copenhagen deficiency but I knew better.   I Knew it was my wife's fault.