18 Jul 2018
Why we quit
It has been said that Hell is seeing the man God created you to be standing before the man that you are. I think for a lot of addicts, that is the tipping point. The addict behavior in and of itself is repugnant to men for it is the epitome of weakness. All that it entails, the lying to self and others, the financial loss, the health risks, the willfully subservient attitude, is no different than that of a maggot mindlessly crawling in the dust in search of its next fix. For many of us, we could no longer reconcile what we had become with that which we wished to be as fathers, as husbands, as men.
Fatherhood is a responsibility all its own, unequalled in that which is bestowed upon men. There’s not a man among us who would purchase tobacco products for our children, yet we used in front of them. For many, that was a dichotomy no longer bearable. To be sure evil will enter this world, but woe to him through whom it comes; better a millstone were hung about his neck and he were thrown into the sea. Clearly our children will learn the vices of this world, but it doesn’t have to come about of our own volition. We now exhibit behavior worthy of emulation.
A husband also has responsibilities to his wife, among which are fidelity, honesty, and acting in a manner worthy of respect. For many addicts, all three of these suffered and eroded under the weight of addiction. Many a man has lied to his spouse about tobacco, has been deceitful in its acquisition and use, and about the money spent on it. All too often, for too many men, what should have been our first love has gone to bed alone playing second fiddle to a can while we stayed up late for just one more. This is not how many of us envisioned our marriages to be. We are now respectable men our wives are proud of, no longer ducking away from our family or hiding a lipper at social gatherings or functions.
Lastly, there is something intrinsic in manhood that demands a man be honest with himself. For many of us, when the quit is set upon, the nicotine addiction is but the first stone overturned. Having now sharpened the focus of the lens of introspection, other cracks and flaws come into view as other stones are overturned. We begin to see with clarity and introspective honesty the contradictions and compromises that we have made at the expense of our integrity, at the very essence of what it means for us to be men. The view for many of us is not pretty: alcohol and/or drug abuse, financial mismanagement, gluttony, laziness, pornography, gambling addiction, profanity, adultery, etc. etc. The process by which we’ve arrived here serves us well in this respect: we are now able to acknowledge and deal with these shortcomings. These flaws of character constitute the gaps to the men that we were created by God to be. Unlike lesser men, we have consciously altered our course, we have changed our trajectory and are now headed towards that which we are destined to become. We are destined to become better fathers, better husbands, better MEN.
