Author Topic: I quit quiting  (Read 8146 times)

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Offline RDB

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Re: I quit quiting
« Reply #8 on: April 02, 2016, 09:14:00 PM »
Welcome and congratulations on the best decision of your life.

Find the Quit Groups section here in the forum. Scroll down to the July 2016 pre HOF group - that's your group. There are directions for posting roll in the thread. Posting roll is your promise to not use nicotine in any form for the day. We post roll every day, as soon as we can in the morning.

Post roll. Stay quit. It's that simple, not easy but simple.

Proud to be quit with you.

Offline Richard K

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I quit quiting
« Reply #7 on: April 02, 2016, 09:01:00 PM »
I used to say I quit quitting cause quitting is for quitters!! I fed that line to myself for years but it was never very successful for me. I have been a nicotine user since I was 8 years old, I know, wholly shit 8 years old!?? I was a huge follower at that time, almost everyone I knew did smokes or dip and I wanted to be just like them. I stole my first smoke from my mom Salem lights 100's, I have been hooked ever since. I tried to quit here and there, never really successful with it because I was never very positive about it, I always had the defeatist attitude. My son was born in April 2004 and after that I realized that I should quit at least for him. I told myself that if I dip for 3 days I can kick the habit. That was 12 years ago to almost the day that I told myself that lie. Dipping was so much different than smoking, It gave me a better high at first and I could do it anywhere as long as I had a spitter of some sort. I could never gut it, that is probably a good thing. I tried to quit dipping a few times but always went back to smoking or my mind fucked with me long enough and hard enough that I would pick it back up again quickly. Well recently I started to realize how much I did not like dipping anymore. The taste, the feel, the action, always having a bottle of brown spit in my hand or in almost every room or car that I own. God forbid I didn't have a place to spit!! Well I just go sick of it!!! I found myself taking the dips out a few minutes of putting them in. Just wasting me and my families money. On Sunday the 27th of March 2016 I decided to allow my self no more than two dips the next day, but I had to go as long as I could with out one. I took my dip out at 6pm on the 27th and made it to 1230 on the 28th, It was hard but I realized I could do it!!! I had one more dip on the 28th and I took that out at 330 pm, that way I could take the edge off before I went home to the wife and kids. That was the last dip I took, I have been dip free since 330 pm on the 28th of March 2016. It has been hard as hell in many cases but easier than I thought in others. I am just done with it and never want to have another dip again or even nicotine ever again. I will be 40 this August and want to be able to grow old and see my 4 year daughter get married and have kids!! I got this, this time!! But I will need help, I have always looked at this site because it was very informative and I took the jump and joined.
FLOOR.. 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10..11..12...13..14..15..16..17..18..19

It is very simple! We quit for today! We wake up! Do it again tomorrow!! One day at a time!
We walk in each others quit shoes, it may be a little different but ultimately the same exact thing

"Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers."

Offline chris2alaska

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Re: I quit quiting
« Reply #6 on: September 27, 2018, 11:24:02 AM »
Yesterday was a normal day for sure, busy as hell in the shop and I was working hard on my retirement paperwork and medical screenings.  Like always, I wanted to walk around the shops to see how the floor mechanics were doing and wanted to see if they had any questions.  The building is kind of big with three shops in it.  Heavy equipment repair (Dozers, graders, scrapers etc), Light equipment repair ( Pickups, tractor trailers, flatbeds etc) and a support equipment shop (Tactical generators, welders, forklifts, etc).  The admin part seperates the support and light shops while the long hallway down the center of the building leads directly to my favorite shop, the heavy shop.  I pass by the technical library, the parts supply room and the specialty tool room on my way to my mecca of being a mechanic. Even though I haven't turned a wrench on these earth movers is almost ten years I still love the smell of dirt mixed with grease and the smell of diesel and hydraulic fluid.  Man it brings me back to what made me want to join the Navy.

However, yesterday was a little different.  As I was walking around the building checking with the shop supervisors and the troops on the floor working on the equipment I reached down to the pocket of my Camies right above my boot on the right leg and felt for my can of Red Seal or Cope.  This is where I used to keep in when I was in uniform.  A perfect pocket for that small can of addiction.  The pocket was empty of course, but that did not suffice at the time.  I walked up to one of the guys I know that dip and pinched my middle finger and thumb together and made the motion like I was packing a tin to him.  He knew exactly what I wanted and reached into his pocket and handed me his can of cope.  I packed it, opened it and took a three finger fatty and placed in neatly in the pocket of the left side of my mouth.  Right where I always did.  It was so natural even though I haven't done it in almost 1000 days.

It coursed through my body like I never quit and made me feel light headed.  I started to walk around the shop and started to get sick at my stomach.  I was getting sick at my stomach because of three things. I was truly getting sick, I was sick because I let my family down, and I was sick because I let all of you down.  I was so pissed at myself for throwing this all away, and throwing away my bond that I have with all of you in the PHALANX and here on KTC.  I quickly spit it out into the trashcan and ran into the bathroom to rinse that evil shit out of my mouth.  I was mortified that I did this and I was so afraid to tell you guys that I caved.  This has got to be one of the worst feelings of my life!  I started screaming out loud!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! And in doing so I woke my wife up as well as myself.

That's right! Thank God it was a fucking dream!!  It felt so real and the emotions that I felt about caving made me come right in here and tell you bad asses about it.  Even at 914 that sneaky Bitch can creep into your mind and mind fuck you to believe that one will not hurt!  BULLSHIT!!! Fuck that!! Keep your head on a swivel guys and gals.  She is lurking in the shadows and will never stop trying to bring you back to that side.  Addiction is real people, we here are all addicts and that will never change.  We are never cured, we are never through the woods.  We will have to consciously make that decision every single damn day to remain quit and vigilant in our quit.  Just like we did when we were finger banging that cancer dirt every damn day.

So wake up, Piss, post!  Every Damn Day.

I quit with you again today, and tomorrow is another day to do it all over again.

Richard K- 914

That Bitch never gives up.  Soooo glad it was only a dream brother Richard.  But dreams do have meanings behind them.  I would be curious to see if we have had any psychologists do a work up on the meaning of dip dreams and what their main causes are.  Man, I bet you freaked the shit outta your wife.

Proud to quit with you today - chris2alaska 253
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Offline Richard K

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Re: I quit quiting
« Reply #5 on: September 27, 2018, 10:13:10 AM »
Yesterday was a normal day for sure, busy as hell in the shop and I was working hard on my retirement paperwork and medical screenings.  Like always, I wanted to walk around the shops to see how the floor mechanics were doing and wanted to see if they had any questions.  The building is kind of big with three shops in it.  Heavy equipment repair (Dozers, graders, scrapers etc), Light equipment repair ( Pickups, tractor trailers, flatbeds etc) and a support equipment shop (Tactical generators, welders, forklifts, etc).  The admin part seperates the support and light shops while the long hallway down the center of the building leads directly to my favorite shop, the heavy shop.  I pass by the technical library, the parts supply room and the specialty tool room on my way to my mecca of being a mechanic. Even though I haven't turned a wrench on these earth movers is almost ten years I still love the smell of dirt mixed with grease and the smell of diesel and hydraulic fluid.  Man it brings me back to what made me want to join the Navy.

However, yesterday was a little different.  As I was walking around the building checking with the shop supervisors and the troops on the floor working on the equipment I reached down to the pocket of my Camies right above my boot on the right leg and felt for my can of Red Seal or Cope.  This is where I used to keep in when I was in uniform.  A perfect pocket for that small can of addiction.  The pocket was empty of course, but that did not suffice at the time.  I walked up to one of the guys I know that dip and pinched my middle finger and thumb together and made the motion like I was packing a tin to him.  He knew exactly what I wanted and reached into his pocket and handed me his can of cope.  I packed it, opened it and took a three finger fatty and placed in neatly in the pocket of the left side of my mouth.  Right where I always did.  It was so natural even though I haven't done it in almost 1000 days.

It coursed through my body like I never quit and made me feel light headed.  I started to walk around the shop and started to get sick at my stomach.  I was getting sick at my stomach because of three things. I was truly getting sick, I was sick because I let my family down, and I was sick because I let all of you down.  I was so pissed at myself for throwing this all away, and throwing away my bond that I have with all of you in the PHALANX and here on KTC.  I quickly spit it out into the trashcan and ran into the bathroom to rinse that evil shit out of my mouth.  I was mortified that I did this and I was so afraid to tell you guys that I caved.  This has got to be one of the worst feelings of my life!  I started screaming out loud!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! And in doing so I woke my wife up as well as myself.

That's right! Thank God it was a fucking dream!!  It felt so real and the emotions that I felt about caving made me come right in here and tell you bad asses about it.  Even at 914 that sneaky Bitch can creep into your mind and mind fuck you to believe that one will not hurt!  BULLSHIT!!! Fuck that!! Keep your head on a swivel guys and gals.  She is lurking in the shadows and will never stop trying to bring you back to that side.  Addiction is real people, we here are all addicts and that will never change.  We are never cured, we are never through the woods.  We will have to consciously make that decision every single damn day to remain quit and vigilant in our quit.  Just like we did when we were finger banging that cancer dirt every damn day.

So wake up, Piss, post!  Every Damn Day.

I quit with you again today, and tomorrow is another day to do it all over again.

Richard K- 914
FLOOR.. 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10..11..12...13..14..15..16..17..18..19

It is very simple! We quit for today! We wake up! Do it again tomorrow!! One day at a time!
We walk in each others quit shoes, it may be a little different but ultimately the same exact thing

"Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers."

Offline Richard K

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Re: I quit quiting
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2018, 04:27:12 PM »
Quitters-

Before you cave I want you to think about a few things.  As I sit here at day 900 thinking back at what is was like to go through the fog of quitting I hear the news of another brother who has failed.  It hurts me to the core to hear this because of everything that is available in this site, the support and everything that has gone on in my life the last few months.

Look around you guys, there are so many stories and scenarios of people on this site who have succumbed to Cancer!  We have many members right now who are suffering from the disease that does not differentiate race, ethnicity, white or blue collar and even sex.  They go to Chemo or radiation all the time to try and prevent the disease from taking over.  Hell!! We have a section for Eternal quitters that have passed on, now not all of them to Cancer but most.

In April of this year my father was diagnosed with Colon Cancer and had surgery to remove it on May 17th.  With any surgery there have been issues that have come up to include sepsis, MRSA, ileostomy bag, weight loss from over 200lbs to 130lbs.  He has had over four surgeries to correct all the complications from not only the Cancer but the surgeries as well.  He has had two collapsed lungs, two tubes inserted into his lungs three times to drain blood and other fluids.  Has been fed through tubes, bed sores and a tube inserted into the bed sore to drain.  He can’t walk because he is so week and relies on my mother and a nurse to take care of him.  All of this before he even goes through the 6 to 8 weeks of chemo he is scheduled to go through to try and get rid of the cancer on his lungs.

My father just recently turned 72 and was the pillar of health and to the family.  He was a work horse all the way up until his surgery.  He never stopped and always was working on the house, cars, helping other people out.  He was boisterous and outgoing, a strong man that I look up to all the time.  Now he is week and in no way looks like the man he was just a few months ago.  We pray every day for his improvement but it looks bleak to say the least.

This came out of nowhere!! Cancer knocked on the door and is slowly taking my father and has taken friends of mine, to include people on this site.  Cancer does not give a shit that we love him! Cancer does not give a shit that he still has things to finish for our mother!  Cancer does not care that he was a strong man who fought in Vietnam and lived through that!

CANCER DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK!!!


So before you cave!

Think about this!

Ponder on this!

Visualize yourself going through this!

Visualize your family going through this!

Is it worth your life to put that shit back in your lip and assist Cancer in taking your life!  Do not give it another reason to take you!


I quit with every single one of you bad ass quitters!  For today!  Tomorrow is another day!


Richard K
FLOOR.. 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10..11..12...13..14..15..16..17..18..19

It is very simple! We quit for today! We wake up! Do it again tomorrow!! One day at a time!
We walk in each others quit shoes, it may be a little different but ultimately the same exact thing

"Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers."

Offline Richard K

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Re: I quit quiting
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2018, 04:18:56 PM »
17 Dec 2016, 08:57 #24 

Deeper than Nicotine

 The addict brain can range amongst many things from drugs obsessive compulsive disorder or even nicotine. How many people can look back and say that they have caved while trying to quit nicotine over and over and over again? Every time we cave we think it’s because we are weak and that we can’t handle the stress of quitting. I don’t feel that is because we are weak I feel that there is deeper issues within ourselves. I even titled my hall of fame speech rising from the grips of demons for a reason. There is more to it than quitting at the weed tobacco nicotine or the urge of having an oral fixation. It is true that the nic bitch holds you down like a ball and chain like Mike1966 has mentioned many, many times before in this forum.

 I have seen many people cave, I have too, many of times during my stops, this is by far the best most successful quit that I’ve ever had in my life. I quit dip this time because I was sick of my jaw hurting I was over putting a dip in and taking it right out and wasting my money. I looked at my kids and I saw that every time I was spitting they were wondering what I was doing. I had Spitters in every car and almost every room in the house to include my office at work.

 I started going through counseling right before I quit dip, Mrs. K and I were going through a very rough patch in our marriage at this time and we almost were getting a divorce. Something had to change drastically and immediately. Why did I start using nicotine? To be cool? To be part of the crowd? To be accepted? I think not! I was trying to fill a void, that empty space in my heart, my soul, my life. My father always made it seem like I had to be perfect in every aspect of my life so I was always trying to be perfect. News flash Richard! you cannot be perfect, nobody can be perfect, and running your life like that is going to do nothing but ruin it. I was sexually abused by the neighborhood boy up the street and a strange man at the swimming pool One Summer. Compiled with daddy issues not being accepted in school being an outcast my Depression started to rise I had nowhere else to turn, my friends were bad influences, I was a follower, I was weak, I need to be part of something.

 I started to smoke, I thought it was cool, it was filling that void, or so I thought. Counseling has taught me a lot, I started working on my inner demons, my marriage has gotten better, me being a father has gotten better, I have quit dip and I do not ever look in my rearview mirror for it anymore other than to realize that it can still sneak up on me. I don’t need that to fill a void in my life anymore, I have my family and that is fill enough. I have my life, I have all my friends, life is good, life is better, life without dip.

 It wasn’t until recently when I was watching all the people in March November October December January going through all the rage that we went through in our group of July and I started to realize with all the cavers and all the stressful situations, deaths, miscarriages, deployments, that compiling another problem on top of those will never be successful. When I realized that my mental state and I had to face all my inner demons I realized that is what was holding me back with quitting dip. it was all she wrote, it was Off to the Races and there I was living my life to the newest chapter. Just remember it is always deeper than just the nic. find that root cause and work on that and it’ll help you be successful in your quit reach out help each other, help you. We all have stories like this, we all walk in each other’s shoes, just in our own way. All we need to do is quit for these 24 hours and these 24 hours alone, it is that easy.
FLOOR.. 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10..11..12...13..14..15..16..17..18..19

It is very simple! We quit for today! We wake up! Do it again tomorrow!! One day at a time!
We walk in each others quit shoes, it may be a little different but ultimately the same exact thing

"Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers."

Offline Richard K

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  • Interests: All Pittsburgh sports!! and my family
  • Likes Given: 790
Re: I quit quiting
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2018, 04:17:54 PM »
04 Nov 2016, 06:57 #19 

Sometimes I forget to come back to my intro to see if there is any support going on in here. I get busy and forget a lot of things on a daily basis, I never used to forget to put a dip in every chance I got either. ONCE I got sick of her shit and put it down for good I haven't forgot to post roll everyday either. I figures if I can dip every mornING or every day why not post roll EDD. HAS the thought crossed my mind about leaving KTC? HEll yes it has! Will not lie about that at all. It was pretty recently as well. There has always been something that has kept me here though. Kind of ironic that my habit with the nic bitch always had something bringing me back to her, calling me, ensuring me that everything will be OK with her in my lip.

 She is gone, I don't need nor want her anymore, I know that she is sneaky but so are all the BAQ''s in this forum. MIKE1966 put it best as we all start out strangers, reluctant to drink the kool-aid at first, shy, ashamed and even ragefully stubborn. WE give out our numbers to text or receive text from complete strangers, we join group me and have some pretty off the wall conversations. CONVERSATIONS about music, dip dreams, family, good times and heart aches. We get pissed at each other for not posting or even cause we are blunt with each other in order to keep each other accountable.

 We support other groups from other years and even conduct their special occasions and milestones. We post support in other groups because members of your group have caved and started over, some do not. WE take the pesonal victories and share them amongst our new friends and they share that victory with us as we share in thiers! Every victory whether larhe or small can be huge for a bunch of strangers with one cause in common.

 Do I think about leaving, yes, will I ? who knows, bUT all the things I stated above are just a few of the reasons that I keep coming back. WE are family in all kinds of ways. WE support each other and keep us on track. THANK you to everyone that always supports me and everyone else in this forum. Thank you to my brothers in the Phalanx, even LJT! My foster family the STD''s and all of my HOF conductor friends. Thank you for helping me be who I am today!!
FLOOR.. 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10..11..12...13..14..15..16..17..18..19

It is very simple! We quit for today! We wake up! Do it again tomorrow!! One day at a time!
We walk in each others quit shoes, it may be a little different but ultimately the same exact thing

"Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers."

Offline Richard K

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  • Quit Date: 28-Mar-2016
  • Interests: All Pittsburgh sports!! and my family
  • Likes Given: 790
I quit quiting
« on: September 17, 2018, 04:16:16 PM »
 02 Apr 2016, 18:01 #1 

I used to say I quit quitting cause quitting is for quitters!! I fed that line to myself for years but it was never very successful for me. I have been a nicotine user since I was 8 years old, I know, wholly shit 8 years old!?? I was a huge follower at that time, almost everyone I knew did smokes or dip and I wanted to be just like them. I stole my first smoke from my mom Salem lights 100's, I have been hooked ever since. I tried to quit here and there, never really successful with it because I was never very positive about it, I always had the defeatist attitude. My son was born in April 2004 and after that I realized that I should quit at least for him. I told myself that if I dip for 3 days I can kick the habit. That was 12 years ago to almost the day that I told myself that lie. Dipping was so much different than smoking, It gave me a better high at first and I could do it anywhere as long as I had a spitter of some sort. I could never gut it, that is probably a good thing. I tried to quit dipping a few times but always went back to smoking or my mind fucked with me long enough and hard enough that I would pick it back up again quickly. Well recently I started to realize how much I did not like dipping anymore. The taste, the feel, the action, always having a bottle of brown spit in my hand or in almost every room or car that I own. God forbid I didn't have a place to spit!! Well I just go sick of it!!! I found myself taking the dips out a few minutes of putting them in. Just wasting me and my families money. On Sunday the 27th of March 2016 I decided to allow my self no more than two dips the next day, but I had to go as long as I could with out one. I took my dip out at 6pm on the 27th and made it to 1230 on the 28th, It was hard but I realized I could do it!!! I had one more dip on the 28th and I took that out at 330 pm, that way I could take the edge off before I went home to the wife and kids. That was the last dip I took, I have been dip free since 330 pm on the 28th of March 2016. It has been hard as hell in many cases but easier than I thought in others. I am just done with it and never want to have another dip again or even nicotine ever again. I will be 40 this August and want to be able to grow old and see my 4 year daughter get married and have kids!! I got this, this time!! But I will need help, I have always looked at this site because it was very informative and I took the jump and joined.
FLOOR.. 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10..11..12...13..14..15..16..17..18..19

It is very simple! We quit for today! We wake up! Do it again tomorrow!! One day at a time!
We walk in each others quit shoes, it may be a little different but ultimately the same exact thing

"Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers."