WW Introduction

[walterwhite]

April 12th, 2016, 1:25 pm #24

I posted this in April 2016 but thought I would like to add this as my 100 day post...

I went over 150 days on my last stoppage. Today is day 100 and it feels so much different this time. The last time I wanted to be done with dipping. I hated feeding that addiction daily. Once I was free and at over 100 days I was loving life. But I didn’t realize that I was an addict. So once the opportunity came to buy a can to celebrate my freedom, I did it. It was awesome and I had no regrets. I thought…I can just buy one can for the weekend and then I can go back to my freedom. I did that but a week later I bought a new can because my addict brain said that it worked out well last time. After that I was hooked. Back to my 2 tin a day addiction. I remember thinking… Fuck Me, I’m hooked again. I was such a wimp that it took me 7 months later to finally QUIT. Even the day I quit…I had my doubts and almost bought a tin. Lucky for me I got to work and posted day 1 on KTC.

What I have learned this time…

1.I’m an Addict – I can never have just one.
2.ODAAT – one day at a time – I no longer need to worry about anything except today. Just get through today and worry about tomorrow…tomorrow.
3.Make quitting a priority in your life. No excuses. Just do it.
4.QUIT – I’m quit – It is an attitude…it is a way a life. I no longer have to worry what will happen when the nic bitch comes calling. I tell her I’m QUIT and that is it.
5.Brotherhood – I have a group of new friends that are going through the same struggles of being Quit that I am. I can call any one of them and they will have my back.

[walterwhite]

April 7th, 2016, 4:07 pm #17

Day 95..

This weekend my wife and daughter are heading out of town. That leaves me and my son at home. I was a ninja dipper and in the past this weekend would have been golden. I would have sat around and dipped all weekend with nothing to hide. I would have killed my quit in the past. For what? Did that make my life better and happier? No. Did I enjoy making sure that I hid all the evidence before she come home? No. Did I enjoy feeling like shit on Monday and knowing that I better buy tin? No. Did I really think that I could just do it that weekend and stop? I wished that was the case but now I know that I’m an addict and that line is total BS. I woke up this morning with no fear of losing this battle. I know that the Nic Bitch will be calling but I will be ready. I will hear her but I will not listen. For the first time in my life, I have the tools and desire to win. I am quit today.
It wasn't bad at all...I had some craves but nothing major. I had the attitude that "I'm Quit"...why would I use that nasty shit? I also had "The Talk" with my 13 year son that weekend...one thing I will say about that talk is that I hope I pounded into his head about the evil of nicotine. I even told him that I was a ninja dipper. Which he had no idea. It feels good having nothing to hide.

[walterwhite]

March 23rd, 2016, 3:45 pm #12

Day 80...the ebbs and flow of quitting are exhausting. The other day...I'm feeling like shit but then today rolls around and I feel on top of the world. The seasonal / event triggers are real. Last Thursday was Day 1 of March Madness. The whole day that nic bitch never left me alone. The next day...no problems. I find I have to go through the event once to correct the thought process. Almost like I did this once already and survived...so no big deal.

These craves that I have are real though. Just today I thought...yippie...three day weekend...time to relax and dip all holiday weekend. That is so crazy because I love being quit. I'm at peace with being quit. I quit today.

So for all you quitters or potential quitter...you need to be 100% committed to this quit. It is a mindset. It is a lifestyle. When a temptation comes along...All you have to think or say is "I'm Quit". There is need to put any thought or logic on why you should have just one because you are quit. Simple right?

[walterwhite]

March 8th, 2016, 12:47 pm #10
Day 65…I feel like shit…I can’t tell if I’m getting sick, the funk coming back or a combo of the two. It seems like I only post when I feel like I do today. I find it helps so I’m back.

For the most part, I’m really enjoying my quit. Most days are easy and not too bad. Today sucks but I don’t have any crazy craves. I had some this past weekend. I cleaned out the basement and I would always have a dip in. Not this past weekend….nope…I’m quit. I’m proud of that win. The more I win the easier it gets to win those battles. I know I will continue to have these battles but I have the tools and desire to win. There is no room for failure in my quit.

Some things I have read that I would like to share…

Give me this drama all day long. This is healing. This is real. This is honest. This is the rocky road to freedom.

This is not locker room, frat bullshit, this is what is supposed to be here. Many of us never lived as adults with out nicotine in our system. So everything here is not "relearning" but learning how to be functional adults. *if rky and waste are our bench marks we have a long way to go.

So, keep it up, own it!

This is so true. I have lived longer with nicotine controlling my life then without. How fucked up is that? So for everything I do and maybe for the rest of my life, I will be training my body and mind without nicotine.


I also had my first dip dream last night. I dreamed that I cave and I was OK with that. I wasn’t angry at myself and I started to write my answers to the 3 questions. How fucked up is this addiction? FU nic…not today. I QLF today.

Some things I’m happy about and have greatly improved since day 1…

1.   When I drive…I don’t crave
2.   After I eat…I don’t crave

Some things that I’m still ashamed about…I was a ninja dipper

1.   Wife is going away all day this Saturday…first thought…oh goody…I can dip all day.
2.   Son’s asks me to throw the baseball around…first thought…I can grab a dip.

Hoping with time these ashamed moments go away. But they are constant reminder on why this is an addiction and not a habit.

[walterwhite]

February 25th, 2016, 1:17 pm #8

Day 53...I feel shitty....but not that shitty if you know what I mean. I have come a long way since day 1. When I look back at the past 50 days I feel proud of myself. This is the first time that I have taken ownership of my quit. I have tried quitting in the past and have failed everyone of them. I always felt that I could have just one dip and go back to being quit. Nope...I am an addict and I can never have just one. I have told my wife that I was a ninja dipper...probably the best thing I have ever done. It has strengthen our marriage and made quitting real for me. I have nothing to hide. I enjoy being dip free. I enjoy not hiding from my family to get my fix. I enjoy not worrying if I have enough tins to last the weekend. I love being me!

The other day I was out for a run. I didn't have it. You runners know what I'm talking about. Every muscle burns and you feel you can't keep going. Every house you are saying...just one more house and I will stop but you keep on going and enduring the suck. The week before I had the best run in awhile. It felt like I was unstoppable and I could just run and run. I remember thinking...the suck....that is what quitting is about too. If every time I went for a run and it sucked I would probably never run again. But I continue to run because of those days that I feel unstoppable. You get this joy and sense of accomplishment that I am the biggest, baddest mother f'er out there and nothing is going to stop me. We must endure the suck...to get stronger. If we didn't have the suck...we wouldn't appreciate the good days. Most days running(quitting) is no big deal...some days it really sucks...and other days it's just plain easy and it just fucking rocks.

To my future self...when the days are shitty like today...don't give up...because look how far you have come and look how many BAQ's are here supporting you. You never want a day 1 again. Remember that feeling of caving last year after 7 months of freedom. Remember those 6 months of feeling like a shithead for using until you took back control of your life and posted Day 1 - January 4, 2016.

P.S. Exercise really helps with THE SUCK.

ODAAT

[walterwhite]

January 5th, 2016, 12:55 pm #1

Today is Day 2 of my quit. I have tried in the past to quit and I have failed them all. This time will be different because I know that what I need to do. I can never use nicotine again.

Here is a little background on me. I’m 42 years old. I started smoking in high school. Quit smoking when I was 26. Starting dipping on and off for a year at 29. I have been dipping 2 cans a day for the past 10 plus years. My most recent quit was December 4, 2014. I had to quit for a life insurance test. I really wanted to quit that time and was really enjoying life being not a slave to nicotine. It lasted for 7 months. I was going away for a guy’s weekend and I thought I could use that weekend and then go back to normal. In all honesty…I used the roll call on KTC website but never joined the forums like this time. I used to post daily there but after my 100 days I starting to slack.

This time I know I’m an addict. I can never use nicotine. I will take this quit one day at a time. I will post roll call every day. I know that I will be tempted and that I will not fail in that temptation because I have made a promise to myself and to my new Brothers and Sisters that I will not use nicotine ever again!

[walterwhite]

Here is a link to the original...

https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/qs_xtreme/my-quit-introduction-t10617.html#p3755415