Five years. I have been kicking nicotine's ass for five years. Every single day since I first logged on to this site, I have posted my promise and kept it. I have wanted to throw in the towel, wanted to give up, wanted to leave the site and wanted to skip roll for a day, just to set the precedent, but I never have. Every single day, no matter where I am, what is happening in my life or how easy or hard being quit feels, I make that post and keep my word. That's how this site works. If you do that, you can't possibly fail. It's so simple that it blows my mind that we ever lose anybody.
It's been several years since I've posted in my Intro. My time spent on this site is pretty much limited to Roll posts in August and October 16. It's not that I don't care about the rest of you, it's that the burnout I experienced a few years ago almost made me leave the site and now I've got a much better balance. When I hit five years, I did stroll down memory lane and read through some of my early quit, which inspired me to post an update here. I hope by posting, I can help provide some long term clarity to some new or aspiring quitters.
One thing you'll see time and time again on this site is "Don't worry about tomorrow, focus on today." It's absolutely true. 100%. If you get caught up in the magnitude of quitting, it will seem impossible. Keep your focus on getting through every moment and those moments will eventually piece together a successful and final quit. However, from the five year mark, I do want to make it clear that it will eventually get easier. There will come a time where you don't have to battle every single day. Your addiction will always be a part of you, we are never "cured," but there will be a time when that addiction no longer has any power over you. It will take time, it will take work, it won't be easy, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is achievable and it is absolutely 100% worth it.
If you read through this intro, you'll see that I was not exactly in a great place a few years ago. My quit was strong, but some of the ways that I chose to help cope were not healthy or sustainable. I let myself get into really poor physical condition and I was engaging in some risky behavior with alcohol. Looking back, I believe that my addictive tendencies contributed to that behavior. I felt at the time that I was "over" nicotine, but even then, it still had a pretty strong hold on me. I am happy to report that I was able to climb out of that hole, make better choices and change that behavior before it caused real problems in my life.
Since I last posted here, I've had several significant life changes. We welcomed a baby girl into the family (our first) and parenthood has been the greatest experience of my life. I took control of my relationship with food and alcohol and made physical fitness a priority. I'm now in some of the best physical shape I've ever been in and I believe that's also been a big benefit to my mental health as well. I have been working for several years as a part-time firefighter and last year I made the jump to career. With a newborn at home and still running my store, I went through a hellacious recruit school and then had to adjust to a full time 24/48 schedule. I'm now going through the process of closing my business, which has been bittersweet. I hate that it's going away, but am really looking forward to getting that time back to spend with my family.
I say all that to illustrate how important it is to remain strong in your quit. Significant life change is inherently stressful. At this point in my life, I have no connection to nicotine. I am around users all the time and I have zero desire to cave. I do feel like I could remain quit without this site. However, I have no desire to prove that out. Roll is a basic safety net. All it takes is one moment of weakness or stupidity to be back to day zero. Roll takes that possibility away.
I also feel like I owe it to this site and the people who have helped me along the way to continue posting. I honestly believe I would not have my job, my family or anything that matters to me if I had not quit. If I had refused or been unable to quit, I believe it would have cost me my marriage, which would have sent me spiraling and crashed everything down around me. I don't know where I would be, but I do know it would be a dark place. I can say without any hyperbole, that I owe my life to this site and the people here. A daily roll post is not too much to ask in return.
To close, I want to reiterate to those that are still struggling that the fight can be won and it is worth the cost. Life doesn't magically become perfect, but you can start living it again on your own terms. You can take control and you can put this behind you. Post roll. Keep your word. Do it today and then do it again tomorrow.
