Author Topic: Glad to be here  (Read 89387 times)

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Offline Athan

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The Elusive Quit
« Reply #17 on: September 19, 2018, 07:41:35 PM »
2/20/18
What is it about the quit that you find so elusive?
You’ve tried many times before; are you permitting fears and doubts built on past failures to dictate your future? Are you so crippled that you are no longer a man, capable of making conscious choices about your health and your life?

Or is it that you find the can so beguiling? The nausea of that first pinch has long since past and along with it the rush of the second pinch that you took so many years ago. Still you persist in chasing them. Why? To what end?

Do you hide cans? Do you grab a dip in secret? Do you make plans simply to avoid running out? Have you ever spurned an amorous advance from your spouse because you just put a fatty in and wanted to savor it? Do you have a nagging fear of cancer but have rationalized that the odds are in your favor; you’ll quit before that happens? Will you? Do these behaviors disgust you?

I hope I’ve struck a nerve. Because there are a couple of hundred MEN behind these doors who have embraced the suck of withdrawal victoriously and are waiting to stand strong with you should you commit to join their ranks. Husbands, fathers, brothers, and sons who loved their families more than nicotine are waiting to show you the way.

You only live once and time is not on your side.
"I hope you find a thousand reasons to quit today" Rawls
"I can't quit for you. I will quit with you" Ready
"There are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding?" SuperDave9000
"In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse." Olcpo

The Science of Addiction
The Law of Addiction
The Road Called Recovery
My Intro and HOF Speech
Quitters I've met: Cbird, UncleRico, Gregor, KDip, Broccoli-saurus, Croakenhagen, BriagG, Koba, Kodiakdeath, Arrakisdq, McDave, Worktowin, SkolVikings, JGromo, GS9502, PaDutchman, Stillbrewing, A-Aron...
wildirish317
outdoortexan cancer

Offline Athan

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She lies
« Reply #16 on: September 19, 2018, 07:40:50 PM »
2/19/18
She lies to you, ya know. Just put another dip in and it'll all be fine. But the truth is, she is insatiable. You can NEVER fill that hole, no matter how much minced weed you pack into your face you'll always crave one more.

Unless you kill it. It has to be starved to death, not appeased. Only in it's death is there victory.

I used cinnamon sticks for the first couple of weeks to overcome the oral fixation. I rolled into work this morning and man, I forgot to replace my stack of sticks. But that's OK. I don't have to have them.
But you, you know where that can is right now. Not only that but you know how much is left in it. Prolly got a spare out in the truck or the drawer of your desk.

Not me. I'm free. 50 days free today.

Funny thing is, it could be you celebrating 50 days. Ain't nothing like freedom!
"I hope you find a thousand reasons to quit today" Rawls
"I can't quit for you. I will quit with you" Ready
"There are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding?" SuperDave9000
"In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse." Olcpo

The Science of Addiction
The Law of Addiction
The Road Called Recovery
My Intro and HOF Speech
Quitters I've met: Cbird, UncleRico, Gregor, KDip, Broccoli-saurus, Croakenhagen, BriagG, Koba, Kodiakdeath, Arrakisdq, McDave, Worktowin, SkolVikings, JGromo, GS9502, PaDutchman, Stillbrewing, A-Aron...
wildirish317
outdoortexan cancer

Offline Athan

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What day is today?
« Reply #15 on: September 19, 2018, 07:40:16 PM »
2/18/18
What day is today?
Is today the day you put it down?
Is today the day you feel obligated, nay compelled, to break the chains of your subservience and stand defiantly against it?
Is today your independence day?

I hope so, so does your family and those that truly love you.
"I hope you find a thousand reasons to quit today" Rawls
"I can't quit for you. I will quit with you" Ready
"There are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding?" SuperDave9000
"In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse." Olcpo

The Science of Addiction
The Law of Addiction
The Road Called Recovery
My Intro and HOF Speech
Quitters I've met: Cbird, UncleRico, Gregor, KDip, Broccoli-saurus, Croakenhagen, BriagG, Koba, Kodiakdeath, Arrakisdq, McDave, Worktowin, SkolVikings, JGromo, GS9502, PaDutchman, Stillbrewing, A-Aron...
wildirish317
outdoortexan cancer

Offline Athan

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The concession stand
« Reply #14 on: September 19, 2018, 07:39:40 PM »
2/17/18
I'm working the concession stand at the high school basketball playoff. Cranking out french fries like a jedi master with a buddy. He happens to be an x-ray tech. I'm tellin' him about KTC and what it did (does) for me.

He starts telling me about a guy that he shot images for who was getting his face carved up because the nic bitch loved him so.

So I says to him I says, "how long ago was this?" "oh about six months ago" he replies. and he's still chew'n (my buddy, not the dude what got his face carved up)

So I'm looking at him incredulously, like, really, are you serious? You haven't quit yet? Walk out back with me and that 2x4?

And then he starts going on about the respiratory therapists who smoke!, you won't believe the shit they deal with, cleaning out trach tubes and whatnot.

So here's live testimony of the incredible power of the nic bitch and the horror and carnage it inflicts and you're still on the fence about whether or not you want to quit? Or maybe you're contemplating the John Wayne I'll do this on my own...

Well, when your testicles drop and you're ready, you just come on in and we'll do it together; together we are so much stronger than the bitch.

I'm waiting....
"I hope you find a thousand reasons to quit today" Rawls
"I can't quit for you. I will quit with you" Ready
"There are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding?" SuperDave9000
"In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse." Olcpo

The Science of Addiction
The Law of Addiction
The Road Called Recovery
My Intro and HOF Speech
Quitters I've met: Cbird, UncleRico, Gregor, KDip, Broccoli-saurus, Croakenhagen, BriagG, Koba, Kodiakdeath, Arrakisdq, McDave, Worktowin, SkolVikings, JGromo, GS9502, PaDutchman, Stillbrewing, A-Aron...
wildirish317
outdoortexan cancer

Offline Athan

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A real knee slapper
« Reply #13 on: September 19, 2018, 07:39:05 PM »
2/16/18
Say, Didja hear the one about the guy who put his quit off until it was too late?

He died of esophageal cancer. But not before he put his family through hell, depleted his finances on medical bills, and left them destitute.

Yeah, it's a real knee slapper.
"I hope you find a thousand reasons to quit today" Rawls
"I can't quit for you. I will quit with you" Ready
"There are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding?" SuperDave9000
"In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse." Olcpo

The Science of Addiction
The Law of Addiction
The Road Called Recovery
My Intro and HOF Speech
Quitters I've met: Cbird, UncleRico, Gregor, KDip, Broccoli-saurus, Croakenhagen, BriagG, Koba, Kodiakdeath, Arrakisdq, McDave, Worktowin, SkolVikings, JGromo, GS9502, PaDutchman, Stillbrewing, A-Aron...
wildirish317
outdoortexan cancer

Offline Athan

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Last dollar
« Reply #12 on: September 19, 2018, 07:38:19 PM »
2/15/18
(from the wikipedia) "U.S. Smokeless Tobacco Company (formerly United States Tobacco Company) manufactures smokeless tobacco products,...
Copenhagen and Skoal are the company's leading brands, and each represents more than $1 billion per year in retail sales."

Well they've gotten their last dollar from me.

How bout you?
"I hope you find a thousand reasons to quit today" Rawls
"I can't quit for you. I will quit with you" Ready
"There are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding?" SuperDave9000
"In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse." Olcpo

The Science of Addiction
The Law of Addiction
The Road Called Recovery
My Intro and HOF Speech
Quitters I've met: Cbird, UncleRico, Gregor, KDip, Broccoli-saurus, Croakenhagen, BriagG, Koba, Kodiakdeath, Arrakisdq, McDave, Worktowin, SkolVikings, JGromo, GS9502, PaDutchman, Stillbrewing, A-Aron...
wildirish317
outdoortexan cancer

Offline Athan

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Pull the trigger
« Reply #11 on: September 19, 2018, 07:33:46 PM »
2/14/18
Statistically speaking, the odds are in your favor when playing Russian roulette (statistical analyses assumes a revolver is used)
Statistics don't count for squat if it's you that craps out, gets cancer and screws your whole famdamly.
Yeah, that's right, you're shooting more than just yourself; everyone in your circle of influence is adversely affected.
It's not just cancer either, there are a whole host of other negative health effects from nicotine.

go ahead, pull the trigger.
"I hope you find a thousand reasons to quit today" Rawls
"I can't quit for you. I will quit with you" Ready
"There are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding?" SuperDave9000
"In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse." Olcpo

The Science of Addiction
The Law of Addiction
The Road Called Recovery
My Intro and HOF Speech
Quitters I've met: Cbird, UncleRico, Gregor, KDip, Broccoli-saurus, Croakenhagen, BriagG, Koba, Kodiakdeath, Arrakisdq, McDave, Worktowin, SkolVikings, JGromo, GS9502, PaDutchman, Stillbrewing, A-Aron...
wildirish317
outdoortexan cancer

Offline Athan

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Can't change yesterday
« Reply #10 on: September 19, 2018, 07:32:58 PM »
2/13/18
I've thought it so many times, why oh why did I ever put that second dip in?
Can't change it now. I can change TODAY.
TODAY, I don't chew.
"I hope you find a thousand reasons to quit today" Rawls
"I can't quit for you. I will quit with you" Ready
"There are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding?" SuperDave9000
"In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse." Olcpo

The Science of Addiction
The Law of Addiction
The Road Called Recovery
My Intro and HOF Speech
Quitters I've met: Cbird, UncleRico, Gregor, KDip, Broccoli-saurus, Croakenhagen, BriagG, Koba, Kodiakdeath, Arrakisdq, McDave, Worktowin, SkolVikings, JGromo, GS9502, PaDutchman, Stillbrewing, A-Aron...
wildirish317
outdoortexan cancer

Offline Athan

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Re: Glad to be here
« Reply #9 on: September 19, 2018, 07:31:07 PM »
2/9/18
Some say TGIF. But Fridays are the some of the hardest for me. The routine was a case of beer on the way home and two cans (I deluded myself that I only chewed two cans a week - I would buy at least one more before the next Friday)
Then there's Tuesdays, the relief of making it through another Monday calls out for a dip.
Thursdays usually saw me grab a case of beer if I had one of those rare Fridays off as the weekend started early, or maybe I was just out of beer. And hey, while I'm there, I might as well grab a can or two to go; wouldn't want to be inefficient with gas at $2+/gallon
Wednesdays weren't too bad but nothing like a fatty to settle in after dinner at church (course I had to hide it there, gotta gut it cause you can't spit and I'm sure no one noticed the bulge in my lip)
Saturdays and Sundays were always balls out weekend chew like there's no tomorrow and I usually went through both of Friday's cans. My lip was so raw and painful the love hate relationship was renewed in full every Sunday evening as I put that last painful wad in place even though I didn't enjoy it.
So Monday found me hating the weed and usually making it several hours before I succumbed to it's sweet lies, "hey this'll make you feel better".

Of course, all of that's by the wayside now. History, water under the bridge, yesterdays news, flushed away, etc.

Now I'm quit, quit with all of you!

I read this and smile.....smile that you weren't as dumb as me.....you remember 3 tins a week......I remember 2-3 a day.....my life was all about the next tin.......next stop, what stage of recycle were the dozens of tins "hidden" around my house, my car, my fishing gear bag, my office, my garage, my basement........my hope is that while we enjoy our freedom one day at a time.....some other poor bastard is reading these thoughts and says, "I'll let KTC show me the way because I want the freedom these guys got going on"......maybe they'll reach out, hopefully they get involved.....involved to be the next total stranger whose life gets saved and helps save another life.

Cheers to you Athan , thanks for your notes, you help all by posting your thoughts!
HEY! You've reclaimed things that bounce!!  good on ya mate!
"I hope you find a thousand reasons to quit today" Rawls
"I can't quit for you. I will quit with you" Ready
"There are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding?" SuperDave9000
"In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse." Olcpo

The Science of Addiction
The Law of Addiction
The Road Called Recovery
My Intro and HOF Speech
Quitters I've met: Cbird, UncleRico, Gregor, KDip, Broccoli-saurus, Croakenhagen, BriagG, Koba, Kodiakdeath, Arrakisdq, McDave, Worktowin, SkolVikings, JGromo, GS9502, PaDutchman, Stillbrewing, A-Aron...
wildirish317
outdoortexan cancer

Offline Doofus

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Re: Glad to be here
« Reply #8 on: September 19, 2018, 08:27:23 AM »
2/9/18
Some say TGIF. But Fridays are the some of the hardest for me. The routine was a case of beer on the way home and two cans (I deluded myself that I only chewed two cans a week - I would buy at least one more before the next Friday)
Then there's Tuesdays, the relief of making it through another Monday calls out for a dip.
Thursdays usually saw me grab a case of beer if I had one of those rare Fridays off as the weekend started early, or maybe I was just out of beer. And hey, while I'm there, I might as well grab a can or two to go; wouldn't want to be inefficient with gas at $2+/gallon
Wednesdays weren't too bad but nothing like a fatty to settle in after dinner at church (course I had to hide it there, gotta gut it cause you can't spit and I'm sure no one noticed the bulge in my lip)
Saturdays and Sundays were always balls out weekend chew like there's no tomorrow and I usually went through both of Friday's cans. My lip was so raw and painful the love hate relationship was renewed in full every Sunday evening as I put that last painful wad in place even though I didn't enjoy it.
So Monday found me hating the weed and usually making it several hours before I succumbed to it's sweet lies, "hey this'll make you feel better".

Of course, all of that's by the wayside now. History, water under the bridge, yesterdays news, flushed away, etc.

Now I'm quit, quit with all of you!

I read this and smile.....smile that you weren't as dumb as me.....you remember 3 tins a week......I remember 2-3 a day.....my life was all about the next tin.......next stop, what stage of recycle were the dozens of tins "hidden" around my house, my car, my fishing gear bag, my office, my garage, my basement........my hope is that while we enjoy our freedom one day at a time.....some other poor bastard is reading these thoughts and says, "I'll let KTC show me the way because I want the freedom these guys got going on"......maybe they'll reach out, hopefully they get involved.....involved to be the next total stranger whose life gets saved and helps save another life.

Cheers to you Athan , thanks for your notes, you help all by posting your thoughts!

Offline Athan

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Fortunate son
« Reply #7 on: September 19, 2018, 02:55:57 AM »
2/11/18
....then there was the time we pulled into Halifax Nova Scotia. I was prolly 2 days into quit #4,173 when I chose to cave. Problem was, I was in the boonies in Canada. Wouldn'tcha know those good people of the U.S. Smokeless Tobacco Co saw to it that a hole in the wall convenience store way up yonder would have the cure to what ailed me for the low low price of just $11.95. And that was back in '93. And I was happy to pay it. Thought myself a fortunate son.
What I wouldn't give to have all the $$$$ back. I'd have me a huge 4x4 with double whip antenae....

« Last Edit: September 19, 2018, 07:34:32 PM by Athan »
"I hope you find a thousand reasons to quit today" Rawls
"I can't quit for you. I will quit with you" Ready
"There are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding?" SuperDave9000
"In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse." Olcpo

The Science of Addiction
The Law of Addiction
The Road Called Recovery
My Intro and HOF Speech
Quitters I've met: Cbird, UncleRico, Gregor, KDip, Broccoli-saurus, Croakenhagen, BriagG, Koba, Kodiakdeath, Arrakisdq, McDave, Worktowin, SkolVikings, JGromo, GS9502, PaDutchman, Stillbrewing, A-Aron...
wildirish317
outdoortexan cancer

Offline Athan

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Above the sink
« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2018, 02:55:22 AM »
2/10/18
Just above the kitchen sink, on your left as you look up is one of those little shelves for knick-knacks. On it sits this little wooden box containing recipes with a picture of my little Rachel when she was in the 4th grade. Just behind the box, out of plain view was where it sat. The can. I needed a convenient, readily accessible spot and that’s where I put it. It wasn’t hidden by any stretch of the imagination; my wife and my three girls all knew it was there. I couldn’t have it just sitting out on a coffee table or my desk. Leaving it in the truck was too inconvenient. No, I needed it close by but not obvious. I suppose out of respect or love for me the children didn’t ask about it or mention it. I would go outside or into the laundry room to put one in; shame forbade being blatant and open about it. I never spit so there was no spitter to be ashamed of but there was no hiding the big fat bulge in my lip; the addiction prohibited acknowledging something so obvious as that. Oh it was hidden in plain view as they say.

As I was cooking up the sausage this morning (right after posting roll), my glance fell on that empty spot behind that little box on the shelf over the sink. It gave me a quiet pleasure that it was empty; a solemn pride in spite of a small craving to have beaten it. Today. I hope there’s little reminders such as that from time to time to let me know that life without it is so much more valuable than life with it.

Think about that for a bit. Where was your can parked? Look at that empty spot and commend yourself - you don’t have to lie about an empty spot or pretend it’s not there; it can and should be acknowledged.

I quit with you today!
« Last Edit: September 19, 2018, 07:34:56 PM by Athan »
"I hope you find a thousand reasons to quit today" Rawls
"I can't quit for you. I will quit with you" Ready
"There are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding?" SuperDave9000
"In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse." Olcpo

The Science of Addiction
The Law of Addiction
The Road Called Recovery
My Intro and HOF Speech
Quitters I've met: Cbird, UncleRico, Gregor, KDip, Broccoli-saurus, Croakenhagen, BriagG, Koba, Kodiakdeath, Arrakisdq, McDave, Worktowin, SkolVikings, JGromo, GS9502, PaDutchman, Stillbrewing, A-Aron...
wildirish317
outdoortexan cancer

Offline Athan

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TGIF
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2018, 02:54:54 AM »
2/9/18
Some say TGIF. But Fridays are the some of the hardest for me. The routine was a case of beer on the way home and two cans (I deluded myself that I only chewed two cans a week - I would buy at least one more before the next Friday)
Then there's Tuesdays, the relief of making it through another Monday calls out for a dip.
Thursdays usually saw me grab a case of beer if I had one of those rare Fridays off as the weekend started early, or maybe I was just out of beer. And hey, while I'm there, I might as well grab a can or two to go; wouldn't want to be inefficient with gas at $2+/gallon
Wednesdays weren't too bad but nothing like a fatty to settle in after dinner at church (course I had to hide it there, gotta gut it cause you can't spit and I'm sure no one noticed the bulge in my lip)
Saturdays and Sundays were always balls out weekend chew like there's no tomorrow and I usually went through both of Friday's cans. My lip was so raw and painful the love hate relationship was renewed in full every Sunday evening as I put that last painful wad in place even though I didn't enjoy it.
So Monday found me hating the weed and usually making it several hours before I succumbed to it's sweet lies, "hey this'll make you feel better".

Of course, all of that's by the wayside now. History, water under the bridge, yesterdays news, flushed away, etc.

Now I'm quit, quit with all of you!
« Last Edit: September 19, 2018, 07:35:13 PM by Athan »
"I hope you find a thousand reasons to quit today" Rawls
"I can't quit for you. I will quit with you" Ready
"There are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding?" SuperDave9000
"In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse." Olcpo

The Science of Addiction
The Law of Addiction
The Road Called Recovery
My Intro and HOF Speech
Quitters I've met: Cbird, UncleRico, Gregor, KDip, Broccoli-saurus, Croakenhagen, BriagG, Koba, Kodiakdeath, Arrakisdq, McDave, Worktowin, SkolVikings, JGromo, GS9502, PaDutchman, Stillbrewing, A-Aron...
wildirish317
outdoortexan cancer

Offline Athan

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Dreams
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2018, 02:54:23 AM »
2/4/18
I actually dreamed about the shit last night. Dreamed I put a pinch in and savored it. Even there in my sleep I felt the shame. I can't believe it invades my sleep!
« Last Edit: September 19, 2018, 07:35:30 PM by Athan »
"I hope you find a thousand reasons to quit today" Rawls
"I can't quit for you. I will quit with you" Ready
"There are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding?" SuperDave9000
"In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse." Olcpo

The Science of Addiction
The Law of Addiction
The Road Called Recovery
My Intro and HOF Speech
Quitters I've met: Cbird, UncleRico, Gregor, KDip, Broccoli-saurus, Croakenhagen, BriagG, Koba, Kodiakdeath, Arrakisdq, McDave, Worktowin, SkolVikings, JGromo, GS9502, PaDutchman, Stillbrewing, A-Aron...
wildirish317
outdoortexan cancer

Offline Athan

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It's an addiction
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2018, 02:53:31 AM »
2/3/18
Had to get outside. She's driving me crazy. With the nicotine, any excuse will do and I've allowed her to be that excuse so many times in the past. Not today. Something inherently masculine about splitting wood with a wedge and a sledge. I could feel the blood of my Spartan ancestors coursing through my veins. No way the Spartan warrior was a slave to lusts of the flesh. The core of their ethos was mastery of self. Normally, I would have had a great big fatty in there while I went about the task. Went for a stick of cinnamon instead. Took the edge off of things for a bit. Been pondering the addiction thing lately. It's a lot bigger than I realized. I now know why previous quits have failed. In the past, it was just a can that I put down for a bit and took back up again; something I viewed rather myopically. The broader view and broader implications have become starkly clear since I joined KTC. It was always just a bad habit, like biting your nails or picking you nose; not an addiction. I've had to get honest and admit that - I'm a nicotine addict. Read somewhere on here that it doesn't define me (wise words) but does affect my decisions and behaviors. I'm liking the roll call and the commitment every morning, first thing. Liking the veterans who have stuck around and reach out periodically and open to requests for help. Hope to be there for another brother some day. Kind of therapeutic to sit down and write all this out. Hope you all don't mind the rambling. Was feeling a trigger earlier and posted, got some support and feedback and I'm still quit. Glad to be here.
« Last Edit: September 19, 2018, 07:35:55 PM by Athan »
"I hope you find a thousand reasons to quit today" Rawls
"I can't quit for you. I will quit with you" Ready
"There are two dogs in the fight, which one are you feeding?" SuperDave9000
"In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse." Olcpo

The Science of Addiction
The Law of Addiction
The Road Called Recovery
My Intro and HOF Speech
Quitters I've met: Cbird, UncleRico, Gregor, KDip, Broccoli-saurus, Croakenhagen, BriagG, Koba, Kodiakdeath, Arrakisdq, McDave, Worktowin, SkolVikings, JGromo, GS9502, PaDutchman, Stillbrewing, A-Aron...
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