I"m in- just found my way

[worktowin]

Day 13- got some light through the fog today, and is it ever nice! This is crazy fog overall. Read a post by Jayhawk on Big Russ's thread that said he was in in for 45 days. If that's what it takes, I'm in. But still really glad for a day like today where it's only at 50% instead of how its been lately. Jayhawk's experience sounds a lot like mine-- i kind of have to keep on top of things for my job but that's not how i'm wired right now. I too can stare at an eamil for an hour and nothing happens! Ha, I'm lucky i can get away with that for now. I'll be better in the end, especially since i won't have to slink away every hour our so to sooth my bitch cravings, or find a place to stach the discarded stuff, or spit!


Big thanks to everyone who's expressed support and helped lately. Thanks to Evil_won for text on the weekend and for posting for me.

Been reading from the new quitters and i'm right there with you all. I've been so many of those same places, so many times! You can do it- this works better for me so far wiht KTC. Would have been seduced by the tricks of the nic bitch so many times by now, i'm sure, from how the familiar feelings come up but now i'm armed with support and more accountabiliy-- hell, even a term for the "ninja dipper" style i perfected over the years. It's good to know so many people could call bullshit on the tricks i used, including on myself.

Glad to Quit with you all today.

That fog is something else. Mine also lasted about 45 days. Jayhawk and I had a similar, albeit it rather extreme, experience. And I am so thankful for the fog... Because when I think back to those crazy dark days I get furious. Furious at nicotine. Furious at tobacco. But mostly furious with myself for feeding my addiction and inviting the fog into my life!

I faked my way through work for a good month. Nobody noticed a thing except me. And I ended up with a promotion.... Quitting can bring all sorts of positives into your life. Long story short... Enjoy the fog. Let it fuel some rage. And keep in touch with jayhawk. The guy knows how to quit.

If I can ever help let me know. I'll shoot you my contact info. Not a jayhawk here, but do live in kc. Go chiefs!

[Mthomas3824]

It's going to really be a battle. Doing great but you must stay quit today. No worry or concern for tomorrow. Just today.

If you are here tomorrow, great, just repeat. You will have some real battles and then others will be a comedy. Just stay on course and quit when its today.

[brettlees]

Day 13- got some light through the fog today, and is it ever nice! This is crazy fog overall. Read a post by Jayhawk on Big Russ's thread that said he was in in for 45 days. If that's what it takes, I'm in. But still really glad for a day like today where it's only at 50% instead of how its been lately. Jayhawk's experience sounds a lot like mine-- i kind of have to keep on top of things for my job but that's not how i'm wired right now. I too can stare at an eamil for an hour and nothing happens! Ha, I'm lucky i can get away with that for now. I'll be better in the end, especially since i won't have to slink away every hour our so to sooth my bitch cravings, or find a place to stach the discarded stuff, or spit!


Big thanks to everyone who's expressed support and helped lately. Thanks to Evil_won for text on the weekend and for posting for me.

Been reading from the new quitters and i'm right there with you all. I've been so many of those same places, so many times! You can do it- this works better for me so far wiht KTC. Would have been seduced by the tricks of the nic bitch so many times by now, i'm sure, from how the familiar feelings come up but now i'm armed with support and more accountabiliy-- hell, even a term for the "ninja dipper" style i perfected over the years. It's good to know so many people could call bullshit on the tricks i used, including on myself.

Glad to Quit with you all today.

[brettlees]

Nic was never your "friend". It was a posion that hooked you. It systematically rewired your brain to think it gave you things that it could not possibly deliver. Oh yeah, it was also draining your wallet and trying to kill you. Some "friend".

I used to think dipping relieved stress, but when I think back the only stress I was relieving was the withdrawl pang from my previous dip.

To analogize, It was almost like I had acne and I thought dip was like the pimple cream that made my skin clear. My face would fucking itch, become irritated, and burn like hell until I reached for my dip. Then, ahhhhhhh the sweet relief. This continued for 15 years, my face constany ablaze looking for the soothing relief from my magic zit cream. It was a never ending cycle that required more and more cream, to a point where no amount of cream was enough, I always needed more. Eventually it dawned on me that the zit cream was not clearing up my face, it was CAUSING it ro become zitty, red, and irritated. Took some time for me to comes to terms with this, after I swore off the zit cream, but after 516 days without the cream, I can tell you with 100% certainty that it was indeed the cream that was the CAUSE and not the RELIEF. I did not accept this fact immediately as I missed my cream, but once my brain rewired it became as clear as my now baby ass soft face.

I also used to think chewing cured boredome. Now I cannot think of a more boring task than sucking on a wad of tobacco and spitting it into an empty bottle. Real exciting. I'd rather stuff my ass full of fireworks and squat over a flaming hibatchi than do that again.

Concentration...used to think dip gave me that as well. The first day I quit, the phone rang at work and I looked at it like it was a fucking grenade with pin pulled. I was scared shitless to answer it. Again, over some time I came to the realization that dip dif not make me awesome at my job. I did. If anything it was holding me back as all I used to think about was when I could sneak out and get a dip in. One of the greatest benefits for me , since I quit has been the return of my confidence. I'm ashamed now to think that I used to give posion leaves in a can credit for my successes. Even worse I would NEVER think to blame it on any of my failures.

Another falsity was that dip was a "fun enhancer". Like bowling, golfing, or playing softball, etc...was more "fun" if I had a dip in. What kind of fucked up shit is that? Another total lie built on the shoulders of ADDICTION. I wasn't chewing while doing those things because it made them more "fun", I was doing it because I was an addict. In fact one thing I realized after I quit is that I really didn't even like bowling. I was mainly in the league just so I could dip. Hell, I'm not even in a bowling league anymore, and I can go out and play some golf or softball and enjoy it just as much if not more than when I used to do it with a turd in my lip. I didn't need that crap and never did.

These realities took a while for me to realize, so don't feel bad if you can't see the forest through the trees yet. Just take this shit one day at a time and with each +1 you post without the nic bitch things will get clearer.

Not to toot my own horn (toot toot), but go to words of wisdom and read my "tend your garden" post. It kind of chronicles the journey from ugly to beautiful. Check it out if you get a chance.

Hang in there bro. Better days are ahead. I promise.

Quit on...

Thanks d this all really helps. I was strong yesterday, pitiful last night, and lost today. This is crazy! Nic bitch is evil! Your words of wisdom and nics top tricks were very helpful today. I will stay quit today.

[Diesel2112]

Nic was never your "friend". It was a posion that hooked you. It systematically rewired your brain to think it gave you things that it could not possibly deliver. Oh yeah, it was also draining your wallet and trying to kill you. Some "friend".

I used to think dipping relieved stress, but when I think back the only stress I was relieving was the withdrawl pang from my previous dip.

To analogize, It was almost like I had acne and I thought dip was like the pimple cream that made my skin clear. My face would fucking itch, become irritated, and burn like hell until I reached for my dip. Then, ahhhhhhh the sweet relief. This continued for 15 years, my face constany ablaze looking for the soothing relief from my magic zit cream. It was a never ending cycle that required more and more cream, to a point where no amount of cream was enough, I always needed more. Eventually it dawned on me that the zit cream was not clearing up my face, it was CAUSING it ro become zitty, red, and irritated. Took some time for me to comes to terms with this, after I swore off the zit cream, but after 516 days without the cream, I can tell you with 100% certainty that it was indeed the cream that was the CAUSE and not the RELIEF. I did not accept this fact immediately as I missed my cream, but once my brain rewired it became as clear as my now baby ass soft face.

I also used to think chewing cured boredome. Now I cannot think of a more boring task than sucking on a wad of tobacco and spitting it into an empty bottle. Real exciting. I'd rather stuff my ass full of fireworks and squat over a flaming hibatchi than do that again.

Concentration...used to think dip gave me that as well. The first day I quit, the phone rang at work and I looked at it like it was a fucking grenade with pin pulled. I was scared shitless to answer it. Again, over some time I came to the realization that dip dif not make me awesome at my job. I did. If anything it was holding me back as all I used to think about was when I could sneak out and get a dip in. One of the greatest benefits for me , since I quit has been the return of my confidence. I'm ashamed now to think that I used to give posion leaves in a can credit for my successes. Even worse I would NEVER think to blame it on any of my failures.

Another falsity was that dip was a "fun enhancer". Like bowling, golfing, or playing softball, etc...was more "fun" if I had a dip in. What kind of fucked up shit is that? Another total lie built on the shoulders of ADDICTION. I wasn't chewing while doing those things because it made them more "fun", I was doing it because I was an addict. In fact one thing I realized after I quit is that I really didn't even like bowling. I was mainly in the league just so I could dip. Hell, I'm not even in a bowling league anymore, and I can go out and play some golf or softball and enjoy it just as much if not more than when I used to do it with a turd in my lip. I didn't need that crap and never did.

These realities took a while for me to realize, so don't feel bad if you can't see the forest through the trees yet. Just take this shit one day at a time and with each +1 you post without the nic bitch things will get clearer.

Not to toot my own horn (toot toot), but go to words of wisdom and read my "tend your garden" post. It kind of chronicles the journey from ugly to beautiful. Check it out if you get a chance.

Hang in there bro. Better days are ahead. I promise.

Quit on...

[brettlees]

Another gripe session i gotta get out.... so today, the fog is there still but not my main influence. Instead, today, the nic-bitch is reminding me that i no longer have my little "friend", who has kept me company through everything for the past decades. I can tap into that "missing" and feel really sad. But then anger is readily available to me too- it really pisses me off to realize that that "little friend" trick has worked really well for the addiction over the years-- i've caved to it every time before now.

Nic-bitch is working me hard with these mindgames today. I"m pissed about it and I'm GLAD i'm pissed. I"m fighting back today- strong. Thanks for the support now, and for all the work done by everyone who has made this site, becuase it helps me to find the right focus, and for today to tap into my anger about the situation instead of taking some other path, and to fight back. Bring it on nic-bitch, you are not gonna get me today!!! I might just have caved on a day like today if i hadn't found my way here, but i guarantee that instead, today i'm going head to head with that bitch and not backing down an inch.

Any of you need a hand in the fight? i"m right there with you in spirit--- I'll slug that bitch out of the park today anywhere she shows up that I can find a way to have an influence-- including with any of you! Maybe another day will be different, but i'm pushing back hard for this day and it feels good. THe deeper the fog today, the harder im' gonna push back!

[BigRuss]

This day and yesterday have been deusies. Deep cravings at times, fog almost all the time. I want to eat everything, and nothing satisifies. So foggy at work that nothing worthwhile is getting done, and i feel like I'd be better off taking leave. I"m crabby as heck at home and elsewhere, but doing my best to not make my family suffer, or to give in to road rage and have worse consequences. I also feel the sense of loss at times- feels like grief. Good! Maybe that means i'm processing the loss/finality of it all.
For the last week , I wake up around 3 am and don't go back to sleep. Sucks! Right now, this feels like it won't end and I"m weary of it all. It is helping me to read about others feeling the same stuff, and about those who have made it through. This fog, especially, has been so relentless that I feel like it might not ever leave. So it helps to read that it's normal and that it will leave sometime. Makes me want to hang on and ride through it.

I may not work tomorrow but will still try and post role. Not sure how to make the weekend if I am not on computer. Text someone? Feel free to PM if you have a suggestion on that.

Thanks all!

Hey brother, same feelings as you almost to a T as well as the "fuck its". Irritated constantly and have had a crave that was a like tital wave after work last night. Most likely a panic attack which I suffer from but I gathered myself, went home, worked out and didn't cave.

We are going through this shit together, I can't go back, let's use each other. Stay strong.

[brettlees]

This day and yesterday have been deusies. Deep cravings at times, fog almost all the time. I want to eat everything, and nothing satisifies. So foggy at work that nothing worthwhile is getting done, and i feel like I'd be better off taking leave. I"m crabby as heck at home and elsewhere, but doing my best to not make my family suffer, or to give in to road rage and have worse consequences. I also feel the sense of loss at times- feels like grief. Good! Maybe that means i'm processing the loss/finality of it all.
For the last week , I wake up around 3 am and don't go back to sleep. Sucks! Right now, this feels like it won't end and I"m weary of it all. It is helping me to read about others feeling the same stuff, and about those who have made it through. This fog, especially, has been so relentless that I feel like it might not ever leave. So it helps to read that it's normal and that it will leave sometime. Makes me want to hang on and ride through it.

I may not work tomorrow but will still try and post role. Not sure how to make the weekend if I am not on computer. Text someone? Feel free to PM if you have a suggestion on that.

Thanks all!

[ParadigmDawg]

My "suck scale" looked something like this:

Day 1-3: bad fog, my brain didn't work at all. Very little sleep and couldn't take a dump to save my life. I wanted a dip every second of each day.

Day 4-10: Pretty much out of the fog but bad, bad cravings and headache every second of the day

Day 11-14: My cruise control days, I didn't think about dipping much and craves were few and far between. Sleeping good but too much.

Day 15-21 Starting to get my energy level back up. Craves about 2-4 per day and short. The first thing every morning, I started to get an empty and sick feeling in my stomach when I thought about not being able to dip. Started losing my temper easily.

Day 22-25 No real changes, cruising along but feeling a little depressed. I started learning how to hate my addiction and was really mad about it.

Day 26- 30: Wow, I was starting to gain a lot of weight. Weird how I replaced Cope with Ice Cream and cake. I don't even eat sweets but here I am 10 lbs heavier. I don't care, I'm not dipping and the craves are mild.

Day 31-38: Freaking fog was back, some nasty craves and my temper way out of control. WTF!

Day 39-60: The roller coaster days. Mod craves followed by no craves, bad temper and mild depression. A difficult time but I was not giving up at this point.

Day 61-73: The best days by far. Seldom think about dip, temper is way better, sleeping like a normal person and just feeling pretty darn good. I am stacking up these good days to recharge my batteries and prepare for the next round of fights".

Day 74- 85: Really good days. Strong cravings when I have too many drinks so I have been careful with drinking. Normal days are now 0-1 crave. My temper has been completely under control for 2 weeks now.

Day 86-99: Zero craves, zero dip dreams and temper under control. The strong craves when I drink are also gone. I am disgusted when I see someone dip. Proudly watching my group hit HOF one at a time; which is just how we quit, one day at a time. My guard is still held high as I know the fight is far from over.

Day 100-101: I am on a high as I have reached my first goal. My guard is held the highest it has ever been in because I will not disappoint all those who have helped me.

[brettlees]

I want to add a little here as I go, as a record and to keep building my accountability network. What makes sense to me right now is to talk about symptoms because they are pretty big for me. I"m in day 8. I'm really in a fog a lot of the time. Feels light headed, almost dizzy, poor concentration. I'm good with it because I know I'll come out. My work suffers but so far that's ok.

A couple days ago i had a sore lymph node on one side. Of course i feared cancer. It's gone now, after only about a day. THen yesterday my mouth began noticably healing. Layers seem to be peeling off inside. Some minor sores. I've been here when I stopped before, And, the other side's lymph node is irritated. As long as nothing stays too long, i'm ok with all of these.

Gas keeps coming on too- especially at night. That's been a real factor in "stops" before sometimes- but this time it's tolerable. I just wish it would quit eventually.

I feel like I could stay on this site all day, make supportive friends, etc. That must be where my needs lie. But I have to work- been cruising around here long already. I"m very thankful for it though. Will go take a walk, see if I can blast some of this fog out for a bit and get to some work.

[brettlees]

Thanks for responding/supporting - I"m good at being "invisible" so I need to not be that way to make this work for good. Being invisible/sneaky was a way I kept up my affair with nic-bitch for so long. Wow, i started at 15, "stopped" some times over the years, sometimes up to a year it seems. But it found its way back- "just once" over an over again!

Yes, I"m 100% nic-free since Oct 23. I think I posted role but that was a little weird. I have time to figure it out, I suppose-- I really want this to be the true "Quit". The withdrawals have sucked but Im embracing them as progress. Kind of makes them fun in a weird way.

[ParadigmDawg]

Quitting is really simple.

Read everything on here, post roll call each morning and don't dip. Wow....that sounds so easy, doesn't it?

If you read through the other intro's you may see some of my same words on them but they always hold true so I will just repeat them...

You are in for one nasty fight but you have the tools here to make it.

Go load yourself up with gum, mints, fake chew, seeds and beef jerky. Also get some member phone numbers right now, they will help you through the rough parts.

Next, exercise to exhaustion every single day and drink so much water that you feel like you may bust. Both of these will help.

Make sure your wife reads about what you are going through. 99% chance that you are going to be a short fussed dick for the next 3-4 weeks. Try not to take it out on her and the kids. Get on here and take it out on us, we will be fine.

I quit with you.

[traumagnet]

are you free of nicotine in any form?

[Bean]

Great choice, Bretless!!! You're nic free, right? Just want to make sure. If you are, then go to the Welcome Center link above and learn how/why we post roll.

Then, all you need to do it post your name up there and start living free!!!

It is the hardest simple thing to do in the world. But your life depends on it. And we're here to help you fight!

[brettlees]

I took my last dip Oct 1, but did plenty of nico-gum until my spouse confronted me and led me to cut back on gum- Oct. 20. The next few days, I came across this and other sites, which convinced me to jump in and just quit. 6 mg nic from gum until Oct 23, when i left the nic-bit** behind for good this time. Now, I want to get the help i'll need to make this one stick. For life.