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Community => Introductions => Topic started by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 08:53:33 AM

Title: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 08:53:33 AM
I am going to move some of my Intro diary posts over from Take-a-shit (aka Tapatalk).


Originally posted on January 13th, 2018

48 years old, been chewing on and off since I was 14. Married with two children. I have always been a bit of a loner.

So, why am I here?

About a year ago my only sister died from breast cancer. It was tough watching her battle to the end. It was even tougher watching her husband and children deal with what we all knew was coming. My sister lived a healthy lifestyle. Never smoked, never drank, nor did she take drugs. She ate fairly healthy and exercised regularly. Yet, she was dead at the age of fifty. I honestly was in a state of shock for several months. But then, I took a look around and realized that I didn't want to put my wife and kids through that kind of hell if I could help it. I knew I was going to quit chewing, but I just kept making up excuses to buy another can. In November I finally made the decision to start cutting back on how much I chewed every day. By December, I had myself down to 3 small chews a day. I stuck with the 3 chews a day all the way to January 7th. I knew by then that I was an addict. I was going through withdrawals every day between my 3 small chews. Every day for over a month. It wasn't getting any easier. Cutting back wasn't working because I was still feeding the beast, and the beast was always hungry.

Then, on January 7th my wife and kids went shopping, leaving me at home by myself. I immediately put in my chew and flipped on the television. There was a documentary on about Stevie Ray Vaughn. They were showing an old interview that SRV did after he came out of rehab for his alcohol and drug addictions. I am going to paraphrase a little bit, but he basically said, " You can't stay at the party forever. Eventually that shit is going to kill you." I have no idea why that statement hit me so hard, but it hit me square in the face like a freight train. I am not a young kid any more. I have been abusing my body for over 30 years. I have definitely stayed at the fucking party too long.

I spit out my chew at 11:55 am on Sunday, January 7th. The next 36 hours were pretty rough. It felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head. But, I stuck with it. I stuck with it for my wife and kids. I stuck with it for my sister, who nicknamed me kybo when I was a toddler. And I stuck with it for my mother in the hope that she won't have to endure burying her only remaining child.

I am an addict. This morning I made a pledge to not have a chew, and I didn't have a chew today. Tomorrow I will make the same pledge.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 08:54:57 AM
Originally posted on March 5th, 2018

On my 38th day quit I skipped a funeral and played hooky from work by saying I was going to the funeral. That day has been the hardest for me so far. I had worked with the guy for seven years when I was younger and he was probably my best friend at that time in my life. I had every intention of going to his funeral, but when I woke up that morning I just couldn’t do it. I was feeling very depressed and the funeral was two hours away from me. I had almost convinced myself to say fuck it and buy a can of chew for the drive. What difference would it make? We are all going to die eventually, right? I logged onto KTC and posted roll that morning and I knew immediately after that I wasn’t going anywhere. I can’t call that a win, it was more of a no decision. I feel like shit for being too weak to show my respect to a guy that meant that much to me. But, I didn’t have a chew that day. If you want to judge me, go ahead. He is dead and nothing will change that. This is just one more demon that will keep me up at night.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 08:58:08 AM
Originally posted on March 8th, 2018.



Kybo
Posts    547
Quit Date    1-7-2018
Quitter

08 Mar 2018, 09:35 #15
Day 61.

I feel great! Maybe a little fatter than I was a few months ago, but I feel fucking great!!

I have a few minutes this morning and was going to post something about myself again, but when I came into the Introductions page I noticed there were 83 Guests viewing our Intro pages. I was the only actual member logged in to the Intro section at the time. 83 guests were in here just looking around. So, I thought this morning I would write a short message just for you guys/gals that are in here looking around.

You guests are obviously here for a reason. What is that reason? Obviously you are at least thinking about quitting or you wouldn't be here. My advice is to go ahead and create a username and join the conversation for a couple days. It is completely free and you can choose to remain anonymous. You only have to tell people what you want to tell them. And, there are a lot more sections filled with great advice and great people that you can see and interact with once you become a member. Did I already mention it is completely free? Come on in, the water is nice and warm. I promise we don't bite and most of us don't even pee in the pool anymore. Every one of us was once in your shoes. We know what you are going through right now.

When I first stopped using tobacco it felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head for the first four days. And my jaw hurt which kind of freaked me out a little bit. I also had a headache that came and went for a couple of weeks. I didn't sleep much in the beginning either. I would have been totally freaked out if I hadn't joined KTC and talked to people that had been thru the same things I was going thru. They assured me it was normal and that it would get better. And they were right.

What are you waiting for? All the cool kids are doing it. Come quit with us and see how good it makes you feel.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 08:59:45 AM
Originally posted on March 9th, 2018

Day 62!

Still feel great. It could completely be my imagination, but I swear my eyesight has improved since I gave up tobacco. And the air seems so much crisper when I take a deep breath now. Both of these things could be the result of the 15 to 20 miles a week I have been doing on the treadmill since I gave up the nasty shit. Or it could be due to the fact that I am no longer poisoning my body every day with that shit.

I have been reading some posts by other people that are talking about having some issues with depression. I can't really say that I have had problems that I would classify as depression, but I have had a few emotional roller coaster rides over the last couple of months. Mood swings, or whatever you want to call them. I am totally over the rage and subsequent outbursts at this point. But, yesterday my assistant came into my office and asked me if everything was ok. She said she has noticed that I have been keeping to myself and I have been a little more quiet than normal for the last couple of weeks. It actually made me laugh out loud because about 6 weeks ago she came into my office and asked me the exact same question because she thought that I was being "meaner than normal" to some of the employees. Nobody at the office knows anything about me ever using tobacco or the fact that I have now stopped using it. I don't think I will ever tell them.

Still no sign of Preston. He hasn't even logged into the site since the 4th. I never had him pegged as a caver.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 09:05:35 AM
Originally posted on March 12th, 2018

Day 65

Wow, we have lost a few people from our April group in the last week, or so. I am guessing they caved and just decided to not come back. That is a shame. But, I firmly believe you either want to quit or you don’t want to quit. And if you want to quit there is nothing in this world that will prevent you from accomplishing your goal of living a tobacco free life. Nothing at all. Conversely, if you don’t truly want to quit you are just living your life looking for a reason to cave. And eventually you will find that reason if you are constantly looking for it, whether it is real or perceived.

It ain’t easy, but nobody said it would be.

For the last 4 or 5 days my addict brain just keeps asking me if I really want to be quit. And every time I answer, “Fuck Yeah!” I have read stuff from many of the vets that have warned us new quitters about “ late term craves, the doldrums, the blahs, and the blues.“ The What to Expect Page says we should probably experience this around days 70-90. I think I hit this stage around Day 60. People call it the “Funk.” I honestly haven’t been even remotely tempted to cave yet, but I will admit that I have thought more about chew the last 4 or 5 days than I did in the entire previous month combined. I am not sure why I have been thinking about it so much, but I will say that I haven’t touched the fake stuff in 3 days. Perhaps that might be a contributing factor. All I know is that the reasons I decided to quit are still fresh in my head. I keep those reasons front and center by visiting KTC every day and making my pledge every morning. And I haven’t caved. So, I must be doing something right.

I have also read a lot of the vets correcting new quitters when they use the word “habit” when talking about chew. The vets correctly inform the new quitters that chew is an addiction. I agree with what the vets are saying about chew being an addiction, but I also agree with the people that call it a habit. I think chew is both an addiction and a habit. And the fact that it is a habit AND an addiction is what makes it so damn difficult to quit. Let’s be honest, if we were just addicted to nicotine patches I don’t think that would be as hard to quit as chewing. I don’t think you would see a bunch of nicotine patch addicts walking around with fake patches stuck to their bodies in an attempt to quit the patch. But, you clearly see a lot of recovering chewing tobacco addicts utilizing fake chew to help their attempts to “kick the habit.” You also see a lot of smokers utilizing candy suckers in an effort to “kick their habit.” So yes, I think there is an aspect to chewing tobacco that is a habit that is reinforced by an addiction, or vice versa. You get the idea. That is just my opinion and I am totally OK with you disagreeing with me.

That “habit” part of the addiction has been a tough one for me. The fake chew has helped tremendously, but I don’t like the fact that even the fake stuff tears up my mouth and inner cheeks. If I am giving up tobacco I want my mouth to feel good again. It is hard to explain, but I seriously think I miss having that lump of shit in my lip and spitting in a can every 60 seconds. Without that shit in my lip I catch myself clenching my teeth all the time or constantly running my tongue over my cheeks and gums. The end result being that my jaw hurts and I feel like I am rubbing raw spots on my gums from the constant irritation from my tongue. I am really trying to make the switch from fake chew to chewing gum but apparently I don’t know how to chew gum correctly because I keep accidentally biting the inside of my cheeks. And I am biting hard enough to actually draw blood. I have done this 3 times in the last month or so. WTF is up with that?

And now I would like to go back and address those people that were once members of our April group that have disappeared from KTC. The message that I have for you is that I am not mad at you. I sincerely hope you are still quit and you just decided to leave the site for some reason unknown to the rest of us. It would have been nice if you would have had the decency to tell at least one of us why you were leaving. If you caved, you caved. I am not going to sit here and tell you how to live your life. You either want to quit or you don’t. I personally don’t give a flying shit how many times you cave as long as you own your failure and genuinely commit yourself to keep trying to quit. If you do that I will support you every time you try to quit. Because at the end of the day, that is what we are all trying to accomplish. We are all human. We all have weaknesses and we all make mistakes. Your failure is not going to cause me to fail. The only thing that is going to cause me to fail is my own weakness or my own mistake. The important thing is that we all get up each day and keep trying to quit. I genuinely want to quit. But, I understand that not everybody else really wants to quit.

If you don’t genuinely want to quit, then I think you made the right decision to leave KTC. Enjoy your life, just do it somewhere else. And thank you for not wasting any more of my time by pretending you want to quit when you really don't.

Have a great fucking day, everybody! IQWYT!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 09:06:48 AM
Originally posted on March 16th, 2018

Day 69

I think I have emerged from the funk I have been in for the last week. I was a little worried that March Madness would be a huge trigger and would cause me some grief, but I had no issues on Day 1 of the tourney. I took the day off of work yesterday to get some more clearing done on my property since the barn guys are supposed to start next week. Used some Bacc Off while I was running the chainsaw and brush cutter and that seemed to stop me from even thinking about chew for the day. Would have been a great day had the oil filler cap not stripped out on the saw. I had to hold the saw sideways to keep all the oil from leaking out. I didn't have any problems cutting the trees down, but I couldn't do a decent job cutting to manageable links because I had to hold the saw sideways. It ended up cutting my day a little short and I just went inside and watched some basketball. I am going to try to find a replacement cap today while I am on lunch and I will pick up an extra chain as well.

It dawned on me last night that here I am at Day 69 and if this is the best it ever gets I am OK with that. I hear the vets saying all the time that "it gets better." But, I seriously realized last night that I am OK with how it is right now. I am not going to complain if it keeps getting better, but life ain't so bad right now. I still find myself thinking about chew quite a bit, but I can't really call it a craving. It is more like my subconscious is still trying to romanticize tobacco every chance it gets, but it doesn't put near the effort into it any more because it knows I am not going to budge. I honestly think I crave cigars more than I crave chew and I was never a huge cigar smoker. I maybe smoked a few dozen cigars a year before I gave up tobacco. This is a battle that I feel pretty good about winning.

I feel great physically. I started dieting a few days ago and I think I am already starting to feel a difference. I feel like my appetite has already returned to normal and I am eating a ton better. I have continued with my treadmill work and I have now done my first two days of upper body. In addition to that, I am still busting my ass to clear some trees and brush from the back of my property which is a hell of a workout by itself. I know exercise has played a huge roll in making this quit easier for me. If you are still in the early days of trying to quit I strongly advise you to start exercising.

The only physical issue I have right now is that it feels like my mouth is watering all the time. I didn't notice this problem until about a week ago which is when I started cutting back on the fake chew. Now, I find myself spitting constantly even when I don't have anything in my mouth. I feel like Pavlov's dog probably would have felt if the bell somehow got stuck in ring mode. I chewed tobacco for so long that I can't honestly remember if my mouth watered like this before I started chewing, or not. And I never noticed my mouth watering like this when I was using tobacco, but I usually had a dip in my mouth if it was possible to have one. So, I'm not sure what is normal and what is not. Of course, this all could just be another psychological trick that the nic bitch is trying to use on me to make me miss her. Who the fuck knows? If the problem persists I will ask my doctor the next time I see him. Until then, I will keep quitting one day at a time. This too shall pass.

I know there wasn't much interesting in this post today. I am sorry if you read it from start to finish. Just a little more therapy for my addict brain. I quit with you today!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 09:08:22 AM
Originally posted on March 19th, 2018

Day 72

I have seen some discussions on KTC over the last several weeks where some members have talked about reevaluating their desire/need to quit after a period of time. I haven't read anything where anyone was actively planning to start using tobacco again, but I have seen some discussions where people were leaving the door open to at least consider the possibility of maybe having a cigar or a chew somewhere down the line. Maybe after 100 Days, maybe after a year, or maybe after reaching the comma club. It was just a few discussions here and there and nobody was saying they thought it was a good idea. But, it was enough to get me thinking about the subject.

I will admit this "reevaluation" has crossed my mind numerous times over the last 72 Days. I always shoot it down pretty quickly whenever that little voice brings it up because I have been down that road before more than once. Don't get me wrong, I would love to able to have a cigar again some day. But, I know I can't have that one unless I am willing to go back full bore to being a slave to nicotine. Because that is what has happened to me in the past every time I have decided to have just one.

It starts off slow in the beginning. Just one chew with your buddies while you are out fishing. You don't feel any kind of withdrawal after that one so after awhile you convince yourself you can have another when you want because you obviously don't have a problem. Pretty soon you buy your own can. You are still just having one every once in awhile, but then it becomes just when you mow the lawn. Then you add in just when you are taking a long drive. Next thing you know you are also having a chew after lunch every day. That is how it starts. Then one day you find yourself taking 30 minute shits every day just so you can lock yourself in the bathroom to get your nicotine fix without your wife knowing you caved again. And there you are! Back to a can a day addiction again!

I am writing this down now so that I can read it again in the future. I am happy right now. I do not want to be a slave to nicotine ever again. It is not worth it to ever try to have just one. I cannot allow myself to listen to that little voice. I have proven time and time again that I can't have just one because I am an addict.

I am happy right now....................Today.

And today is all that matters. I know that I will not have a chew today because I made a promise. I will worry about tomorrow when tomorrow becomes today.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 09:10:52 AM
Originally posted on March 20th, 2018

When I first started seriously thinking about giving up tobacco I decided to make a "Pros and Cons" list. I already knew I was going to attempt to quit, but I thought the list would help solidify the decision. I am not going to bore everyone with the items on that list but I will tell you that the items on the Con side of tobacco use were rolling off my lips as soon as I put pen to paper. And I seriously found myself struggling to come up with any legitimate items to put on the Pros side.

In the end, I had two items on the Pro side of tobacco use and they were both ridiculous in my opinion. One was that I liked the taste of Grizzly Fine Cut Natural and the taste of a fine cigar, and the other was that it was a shared activity with my friends. The Cons list was so long that I found it ridiculous that I even bothered spending the time to try to think of something to put on the Pros side. Seriously...........

Why the fuck would I ever consider using tobacco again? OK, I will answer that question because I think there really is only one acceptable answer.

The only way I would ever consider using tobacco again is if some scientist comes up with a new strain of tobacco that has zero negative impacts on my health. And because I have serious trust issues, I probably wouldn't believe the scientist and would stay away from the new tobacco anyway. Right now that is the only thing I can think of that could make me even remotely think about chewing tobacco or smoking a cigar again. Yes, I like the taste of Grizzly Fine Cut Natural very much. But, I can live without it. I can come up with no other reason that would make me want to crack open that door again.

I totally understand that stopping the romanticizing of tobacco use can be a real challenge. For the rest of my life I am sure I will always associate fishing/hunting/mowing the grass/sitting by a campfire/road trips/etc with chewing tobacco. But, here I am at 73 Days in and I have already proven to myself that I can enjoy every one of those things just as much without that cancer causing fatty in my lip. Yeah, that little voice still tries to talk to me every once in awhile. But, I just decided to stop listening.

I have no plans to ever reevaluate my desire/need to quit. I made the decision I made for a lot of very good reasons. The most important reason of all being that I just wanted to quit. I am done with tobacco controlling my life. I have turned that page and started a new chapter. And I am very hopeful this book will have a happy ending.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 09:12:22 AM
Originally posted on March 27th, 2018

80 Days

I am still rolling along, but the last few days haven't been great. I got the news on Saturday that another one of my friends only has a few days left on earth. He was diagnosed with cancer on March 10th and now the doctors don't think he will make it to April. Mike and I haven't been close since we were in high school and college, but we still consider ourselves to be friends. This news totally sucks. He is 49 years old and has a wife and 2 kids. Mike will be the second guy I consider a friend to leave this earth since I gave up tobacco. It is certainly depressing.

On a brighter note, I have another friend that informed me yesterday that he is going to try to give up chew. Today is his Day 2. If he manages to stay quit that will make a total of 4 of us that spend a lot of time together that have given up the nic bitch. Steve has been quit for over 10 years, Bobby is almost to a year, I am almost to 3 months and now Brett is trying to join us. It is so much easier to quit if you are around other people that are quitting every day too.

I have now gone 8 straight days without the fake chew. I am not going to lie, it has been pretty difficult to give up. I am still carrying an emergency can of Smoky Mountain with me in case I have a ridiculous craving, but I think I am over needing the fake stuff.

And that is the roller coaster that I have been on.

I started chewing when I was a kid. Almost 35 years ago when I was young and dumb. Way back when I thought I was invincible. Now I find myself looking around and I am starting to see the herd getting a little thinner. Those guys used to be young and dumb too. They used to think they were invincible..............................

UPDATE:

Mikey died about 4 hours after I originally posted this entry this morning. 17 days after he was diagnosed with cancer.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 09:15:23 AM
Originally posted on March 29th, 2018

Nothing to see in today's post. Just a few ramblings from my sleep deprived mind.

There has been a lot of really deep discussions on various forums at KTC over the last few days. I am talking about the good stuff that makes you look deep in your soul and think about who you are, what you are doing, and where you want to go. One of the topics that I have seen discussed in a few different places are variations of the theme “why KTC works or what KTC means to me.” At first glance these two things may seem completely different, but I would argue they are one and the same for most of the addicts using KTC to strengthen their quit.

As I lay wide awake last night staring at the ceiling and thinking about all the words of wisdom I have garnered from KTC in the last couple months, I found myself thinking about why KTC works for me. And I just kept coming back to one of my favorite quotes. I have never thought about this quote before from an addict’s perspective, but after last night I will probably never think of it in any other way again.

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it” George Santayana

Perhaps George Santayana was a recovering addict himself. It sure sounds like he knew a thing or two about the subject. I can't tell you how many times I have failed in my attempts to quit in the past because I let myself forget just how addicted I am to the nicotine bitch.

George Santayana (1863-1952) was a Spanish born American author and philosopher. It is believed the above quote originated with George, but I have seen some sources that think the quote pre dates George by a few years. For me, it doesn’t really matter who said it first. The words of wisdom contained in the quote should be something memorized by every single addict that is working on recovery. Because when you truly see those words for what they are, you will understand those eleven words are actually a map that will guide any and all recovering addicts to the elusive treasure we all seek. And that treasure is none other than freedom from the chains of addiction.

So, why does KTC work and what does KTC mean to me?

Whether you use KTC to post and ghost roll every day or you fully engorge yourself with gallons and gallons of the kool aid, the successful recovering addict is using KTC to remember their past. They may not consciously realize what they are doing, but they are keeping their addiction front and center in their thoughts every time they visit KTC. By doing this, they are lessening the chance they will repeat their past failures. The daily ritual of visiting KTC keeps us from forgetting that we are addicts. It stops complacency dead in her tracks. And thus it keeps us from falling back down the rabbit hole we call addiction. For some people, simply visiting and posting roll every day is enough. Others may need to interact a little more. And still others may need to completely submerge themselves in the refreshing waters of brotherhood. Every one of us is different and every one of us is the same. Some need the phone calls and the accountability, others just need a safe place to read and reflect.

KTC may mean different things to different people. But, it also means the same thing to all of us. I will never forget where I have been, and I will never forget why I left. That is the pledge I silently make to myself every morning when I post roll call in April ‘18. Because I know if I ever let myself forget that I am an addict I will soon find myself on my proverbial knees again suckling at the teat of Big Tobacco.

I will leave KTC some day. I know I will. It is just human nature to get bored with your surroundings and go out and seek a change of environment. I have no idea when that day will come, but I know it will come. I honestly don’t see myself still posting roll at 100% five years from now. Maybe not even this time next year. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I made my promise this morning and I will worry about tomorrow when it becomes today. But when I do leave I will leave with the knowledge that I have gained while I was here. And I will never let myself forget because I do not want to repeat my past.

I got a few comments on the post above when I originally posted it.  So, I posted the below text as a further explanation.


Sorry if I confused anyone with my last post. I am not planning on leaving anytime soon. I just didn't transition to that last paragraph very well.

The whole basis of that last paragraph about leaving was just my thoughts on something I read on KTC where people were talking about when/if it would ever be OK to leave KTC. Upon re-reading my whole post this morning I now realize the last paragraph was extremely underdeveloped and totally lacking in explanation.

The whole point I was trying to make is that tomorrow is an unknown. I know myself well enough to understand that someday I will get bored with KTC. And when I do get bored there is a decent chance I might disappear from the site. I have no idea when or if that will ever happen. As of right now I plan on being here for the long haul. I do not want to repeat my past. I do not want to fail again. We will see where I am tomorrow, and then the next day, and then the next day.............................
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 09:17:06 AM
Originally posted on April 2nd, 2018

Day 86

The mystery as to what I am going to spend all of the money on that I saved by not purchasing chew has been solved. For weeks I thought I might buy a drone, night vision monocle or a rear tine tiller. But then on Friday morning I walked into a mom and pop hardware store and saw the Broil King XL Smoke with a giant 50% Off Floor Model Clearance Sale sign stuck on it. Mystery solved. I was going to wait until 100 days before I spent that money but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get the Broil King.

This past weekend was a pretty big deal for me. I would call it a moderate victory.

My wife and kids went to the in-laws and left me home alone for 48 hours. In the past, that would have meant a weekend of smoking cigars, drinking beer and slamming cans of chew. The old me would have probably gone through 3 or 4 cans of chew, a handful of cigars and at least a case of beer. The new me didn’t do any of those things. Instead, I worked on a few projects during the day and read a book in the evenings. I even walked down to the pond on Friday night and made a few casts. Sure, I thought about chew and cigars a handful of times, but I never seriously considered buying either. I won the weekend and it wasn’t that difficult.

I seem to have overcome most of my triggers. The one I am still struggling with is kind of weird. I can drive all over the place for hours at a time and have zero problems. But, for some reason I think about chew almost non-stop if I just have to drive into town by myself to pick up one or two items. In the past, I was always volunteering to run into town and pick up things for my wife so that I could have that one big chew for 30 minutes. But now that I am tobacco free that quick run into town makes my salivary glands fire on all cylinders the whole way to the store and back. Nothing that is going to cause me to cave. Just one of those things that is hard to explain.

I am a visual guy. I don’t know why, but I always have a mental picture for everything. Since I quit tobacco I have been thinking about Nicotine and visualizing it as a person. But, not just any person. No, the image I have in my head for Nicotine is that of Kate Upton. I have no fucking idea why I keep seeing her as Nicotine, but Kate is making it very difficult for me to develop the hatred for Nicotine that I want and need. I have seriously been trying to train my brain to see Skeletor, but so far Kate is all I see. I vaguely think I remember a discussion in April ’18 way back where people were talking about Kate Upton. I don’t know for sure if this was the seed that caused my dilemma, or not. But, it sure does cause me trouble when Nicotine comes calling and I try to visualize myself beating the shit out of Kate Upton with a tire iron. So far it is still working, but it would be a lot easier if I was seeing Skeletor’s brains splattering the wall instead of Kate’s.

We are still losing a few members here and there from our April ’18 group even as we find ourselves approaching the 100 Day mark. Big E just celebrated 100 Days yesterday. I find myself thinking a lot about the last time I tried to quit and failed after over two years of being tobacco free. That was over ten years ago, but it seems like it was a lifetime ago. I can remember that something very stressful happened at work and I felt like I had to go buy a can of chew as a result. I bought the can and had one dip and then proceeded to chew for another ten years. The funny thing is that I can’t even remember what that stressful event at work was. In fact, I have no fucking clue. Looking back I realize that I wasn’t ready to quit at the time. My addict brain was just looking for an excuse and my resolve wasn’t strong enough. Things are different now.

Things are much different now.

IQWYT
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 09:19:05 AM
Originally posted on April 4th, 2018

In light of some of the recent jackassery that I have seen going on in various places over the last few days, I thought it would be a good idea to cut and paste a comment that I made awhile back on someone else's Intro page so that it will be easier for me to find when I need to read it again. There are just some days that I need to remind myself to listen to the message and not pay any attention to the asshat that is typing the words. Today is one of those days.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is no doubt that a psychiatrist could make a career out of analyzing the various personalities on KTC. There are definitely some run of the mill jerks, narcissistic jackasses, and even a few passive aggressive asshats roaming the halls looking to instigate trouble.

I am not going to lie. I have dreamed several times about how awesome it would be to meet some of these people in person and then punch them in the face. But, when you really think about it we aren't all that different from each other. We want to quit tobacco, and we want you to quit tobacco. Successful marriages have been built on less than that. Just because somebody has zero social skills it doesn't necessarily mean they don't have anything important to say. Believe it or not, they are trying to help you.

If you have thin skin maybe it would be better for you if you tried to ignore some of the troublemakers. But, if you do decide to ignore the personalities I would highly recommend you at least listen to the message they are trying to deliver. It might save your life.

Take what you need and leave the rest. One day at a time. I wish you the best and I hope you are successful.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 09:20:25 AM
Originally posted on April 9th, 2018

Day 93

Monday.....

Is it a blessing or a curse that I still find myself thinking about chew every day? I definitely can't say that I am having cravings, but somehow chew finds it's way into my thoughts several times a day. I find it to be extremely annoying, but I also think it helps strengthen my resolve a little bit. I feel like my inability to control my addiction is really what drove me to go cold turkey in the first place. So, as long as my brain keeps thinking about chew every day it is constantly reminding me that I can't have just one without totally losing control again. It really is an interesting dichotomy. I don't want to think about chew, but I am afraid that I will get complacent if I don't think about chew.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 17, 2018, 09:24:57 AM
Originally posted on April 16th, 2018  I have to get to work now.  I will try to migrate a few more journal entries on a later date.  FYI:  our new home has an "ignore user" function too.   ;)

Day 100

Thanks for the well wishes and congratulations. But, it honestly is just another day to me.

I like the fact that somebody had the bright idea to put the HOF at 100 days because it has an attainable feel to it. But, once you get here you just kind of look around and realize that today isn't any different than yesterday. And it is probably going to feel exactly the same tomorrow. But, I do feel better about tomorrow than I did 99 days ago. And, I feel better now about the possibility of making it a year than I did 3 months ago. So, maybe there is some magic, or maybe even some logic, to that 100 Day Hall of Fame number.

I think I am going to hold off on celebrating for now. It doesn't really feel like I have accomplished anything yet. But, I did do one thing for myself today. I felt like I earned it after 100 days. What did I do you ask?

I finally implemented the "ignore user" function.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on October 17, 2018, 03:01:52 PM
Day 284

I found another half empty can of Grizzly Fine Cut Natural yesterday when I was looking for a pair of gloves in the barn.  I had totally forgotten that I put a can in one of the neoprene gloves that I had hanging on the coat rack out there.  It actually made me laugh out loud when I felt the can in the glove as I was pulling the velcro off the hanger.  I am totally amazed that I am still finding cans 284 days later. 

 :)   
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on October 17, 2018, 04:42:42 PM
Glad you brought it over Kybo, enjoy reading your thread.  I should have scoured the crapatalk for yours and JGomo's versions of "you might be its bitch if..."  It was and still is good stuff. xoxoxo
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on October 22, 2018, 01:55:23 PM
https://ibb.co/bvX08A (https://ibb.co/bvX08A)
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on October 29, 2018, 08:04:00 AM
Day 296 of freedom!

I am actually a little more "free" today than normal.

I always keep an extra pair of dress pants in my work truck just in case I need them.  I normally wear jeans in the office unless I have a meeting.  In the last 15 years I have had to put those emergency dress pants on maybe 3 or 4 times due to impromptu meetings or me just forgetting that I had a meeting.  Last week was one of those times.  I got a phone call Thursday morning and had to leave for a meeting.  Luckily for me I had those dress pants in the truck.  I washed the pants yesterday and forgot to put them back in the truck this morning. 

My Assistant is in D.C. this week and my Secretary is at the hospital with her ailing mother.  So how does my day start today?  I get to the office and hit the bathroom first thing as usual.  Only today, the zipper on my Duluth Ballroom Jeans decides to throw a couple teeth and pop completely off the track.  Zero extra pants in the truck today and I am the only one in the office.  I just tried for 30 minutes to get that damn zipper back on track.  All I managed to accomplish was knocking a few more teeth off the zipper.  So, here I sit at my desk with the barn door slightly ajar wondering how long it is going to be before someone comes into the office and I have to go out and talk to them.

My junk isn't hanging completely out, though.  I managed to find a handful of tie pins in our promotional room and I currently have those sort of holding the barn door closed.  Of course, that means that I have these shiny little green pins on the crotch of my jeans which will obviously draw everyone's attention to the last place I want them to look.  And it took me forever to get those damn pins in place and I am not sure what I am going to do in a couple hours when I need to piss again.  But, at least I am 296 days free of nicotine!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on November 02, 2018, 03:16:27 PM
Day 296 of freedom!

I am actually a little more "free" today than normal.

I always keep an extra pair of dress pants in my work truck just in case I need them.  I normally wear jeans in the office unless I have a meeting.  In the last 15 years I have had to put those emergency dress pants on maybe 3 or 4 times due to impromptu meetings or me just forgetting that I had a meeting.  Last week was one of those times.  I got a phone call Thursday morning and had to leave for a meeting.  Luckily for me I had those dress pants in the truck.  I washed the pants yesterday and forgot to put them back in the truck this morning. 

My Assistant is in D.C. this week and my Secretary is at the hospital with her ailing mother.  So how does my day start today?  I get to the office and hit the bathroom first thing as usual.  Only today, the zipper on my Duluth Ballroom Jeans decides to throw a couple teeth and pop completely off the track.  Zero extra pants in the truck today and I am the only one in the office.  I just tried for 30 minutes to get that damn zipper back on track.  All I managed to accomplish was knocking a few more teeth off the zipper.  So, here I sit at my desk with the barn door slightly ajar wondering how long it is going to be before someone comes into the office and I have to go out and talk to them.

My junk isn't hanging completely out, though.  I managed to find a handful of tie pins in our promotional room and I currently have those sort of holding the barn door closed.  Of course, that means that I have these shiny little green pins on the crotch of my jeans which will obviously draw everyone's attention to the last place I want them to look.  And it took me forever to get those damn pins in place and I am not sure what I am going to do in a couple hours when I need to piss again.  But, at least I am 296 days free of nicotine!
Gives 'walking the dog' a whole new meaning.  And then there's that cliche' about closing the barn door after the HORSE is out...
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on November 05, 2018, 11:46:40 AM
Day 303

It is so hard for me to believe that it has already been over 300 days since I gave up nicotine.  It seems like just yesterday that I made the decision to finally just quit.  There have been a few ups and downs over these first 300 days.  I lost a few friends to the big guy upstairs, lost a chunk of my arm to melanoma (http://oi66.tinypic.com/29f5dw4.jpg), I tried a few new beers along the way (http://tinypic.com/r/2d7dncj/9), listened to some good music and drank a few more good beers (http://tinypic.com/r/2el8g45/9), spent some of the money I saved on a new BBQ grill (http://tinypic.com/r/j0v7ra/9), listened to some more music (http://tinypic.com/r/294qaz5/9), and made some delicious BBQ! (http://tinypic.com/r/30jtow3/9)  I also discovered that I could mow the grass without a chew, go fishing without a chew (http://tinypic.com/r/2qd5ytx/9), drive my truck without a chew, watch my kids play sports without a chew, etc, etc, etc.   

I did all of that without tobacco of any kind!  On to the next 300!  IQWYT!     
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on November 14, 2018, 11:22:27 AM
Day 312

The last of our April '18 group hit the 300 day mark today.  I would like to send out a huge congratulations to the other 28 members of April '18 that made it to the third floor.  300 days is quite impressive, but the fight isn't over. 

Although the study I linked below focuses on smokers, I think it is still somewhat relevant to smokeless tobacco users as well.  The statistic in this study that really hit home for me was, " individuals who achieved one year of abstinence, had a probability of relapse of 47% at three-years follow-up."  Wow!  This is saying that roughly half of us that make it to one year will cave before we make it to three years.  I say, "challenge accepted!"

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2577779/

Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: chris2alaska on November 14, 2018, 11:50:18 AM
Day 312

The last of our April '18 group hit the 300 day mark today.  I would like to send out a huge congratulations to the other 28 members of April '18 that made it to the third floor.  300 days is quite impressive, but the fight isn't over. 

Although the study I linked below focuses on smokers, I think it is still somewhat relevant to smokeless tobacco users as well.  The statistic in this study that really hit home for me was, " individuals who achieved one year of abstinence, had a probability of relapse of 47% at three-years follow-up."  Wow!  This is saying that roughly half of us that make it to one year will cave before we make it to three years.  I say, "challenge accepted!"

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2577779/

I'll take that challenge with you brother and I know of 27 other people that will do the same.  PTQWYT
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Skolvikings on November 14, 2018, 12:18:06 PM
Day 312

The last of our April '18 group hit the 300 day mark today.  I would like to send out a huge congratulations to the other 28 members of April '18 that made it to the third floor.  300 days is quite impressive, but the fight isn't over. 

Although the study I linked below focuses on smokers, I think it is still somewhat relevant to smokeless tobacco users as well.  The statistic in this study that really hit home for me was, " individuals who achieved one year of abstinence, had a probability of relapse of 47% at three-years follow-up."  Wow!  This is saying that roughly half of us that make it to one year will cave before we make it to three years.  I say, "challenge accepted!"

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2577779/

I'll take that challenge with you brother and I know of 27 other people that will do the same.  PTQWYT

Challenge accepted.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on November 14, 2018, 01:37:58 PM
Day 312

The last of our April '18 group hit the 300 day mark today.  I would like to send out a huge congratulations to the other 28 members of April '18 that made it to the third floor.  300 days is quite impressive, but the fight isn't over. 

Although the study I linked below focuses on smokers, I think it is still somewhat relevant to smokeless tobacco users as well.  The statistic in this study that really hit home for me was, " individuals who achieved one year of abstinence, had a probability of relapse of 47% at three-years follow-up."  Wow!  This is saying that roughly half of us that make it to one year will cave before we make it to three years.  I say, "challenge accepted!"

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2577779/

I'll take that challenge with you brother and I know of 27 other people that will do the same.  PTQWYT

Challenge accepted.
Challenge accepted.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on November 27, 2018, 11:17:17 AM
Day 325

As some of you probably know every one hundred days I stay quit I allow myself to spend the money I saved from not chewing on things that I probably wouldn't have bought if I was still chewing.  My original plan was to spend the money on completely frivolous shit.  But, so far I can honestly say that the stuff I have bought isn't really frivolous.

The first $400 I saved I spent on a kick ass smoker/bbq grill.

The second $400 I saved was spent on a rear tine tiller.

And I am happy to say that the next $400 I saved I just spent on a security camera system.  My wife and kids went to my in-laws on Saturday and I took advantage of the situation by staying home by myself and getting all three cameras mounted outside and up and running.  A year ago I would have a had a giant chew in my lip the whole time they were gone.  But, the new me didn't even think about chew or the fact that I wasn't thinking about chew.  I like the new me, and I like the security cameras too.  I can only imagine how much nice shit I might have had by now if I had never started chewing 35 years ago.

After I got the camera installed the dog and I even had some extra time to take a nap in our favorite old chair. (https://ibb.co/7t5D4kr)   
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on January 06, 2019, 06:57:48 PM
So what do you call a man who quits, faithfully posting every day, without fail, for a year?
He's got a northern pike mounted on the wall and it's mouth no longer holds a can.
His name is Kybo.
And he's the shizzle.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Skolvikings on January 06, 2019, 11:44:17 PM
So what do you call a man who quits, faithfully posting every day, without fail, for a year?
He's got a northern pike mounted on the wall and it's mouth no longer holds a can.
His name is Kybo.
And he's the shizzle.

And I am damn proud to call him my quit brother..... Shizzle for Nizzle.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on January 17, 2019, 08:17:25 AM
Day 376

Congratulations to the 27 members of the April '18 Kings and Queen of Quit for completing their first lap around the sun together.  Kudos to CritRocket, BigSlim, Vertex, FoodBuzz, ehilt623, nybowhunter21, Bottledair, Athan, Patti, skolvikings, Tiz226, Matttt25, Morgan, Mark Enstrom, Mack213, Mkane2008, Tennesseejed, johnbaxter, Doofus, gwhits, Goody, JGromo, Numb, Candutch, ExNuke, and chris2alaska.   That is quite impressive all around. 

Thank you for letting me quit with all of you every day!   
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Skolvikings on January 17, 2019, 11:34:47 AM
Day 376

Congratulations to the 27 members of the April '18 Kings and Queen of Quit for completing their first lap around the sun together.  Kudos to CritRocket, BigSlim, Vertex, FoodBuzz, ehilt623, nybowhunter21, Bottledair, Athan, Patti, skolvikings, Tiz226, Matttt25, Morgan, Mark Enstrom, Mack213, Mkane2008, Tennesseejed, johnbaxter, Doofus, gwhits, Goody, JGromo, Numb, Candutch, ExNuke, and chris2alaska.   That is quite impressive all around. 

Thank you for letting me quit with all of you every day!   

Damn proud to quit with you sir!

We need to have a BBQ cook off, you will wipe the floor with me but it shall be delicious
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on February 04, 2019, 11:09:38 AM
Day 394

Today would have been my sister's 54th birthday.  It is hard for me to believe she has been gone almost three years.  As much as I miss my sister, I just can't imagine what it must feel like for my parents, brother-in-law, or my nephews.  Tonight I will call my mother on the phone and try to make her day suck a little less.  Then, I will call my brother-in-law and try to distract him for a little while.  Then I will call each of my nephews and tell them how proud their mother would have been of them for what they have achieved since she has been gone. 

My sister spent her 51st (and last) birthday in the hospital fighting breast cancer.  She was pretty far gone by then and we all knew she didn't have much time left.  Those were somber days that will stick with me until I take my last breath.  I now have nobody left that I can share some of my most cherished childhood memories with.

Watching my sister suffer and waste away in the hospital was the kick in the ass that I needed to give me the strength to finally quit tobacco.  It still took me well over a year after my sister passed before I could build up the mental strength to start seriously thinking about quitting.  Only a true addict can understand how difficult it is to battle that inner demon that always wants you to put off quitting for one more day.  But, I finally did it and I have my sister to thank for giving me that final push that I needed.

And today I dedicate my Day 394 to my sister.  Happy Birthday in heaven, sis!     
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on February 04, 2019, 05:09:46 PM
Day 394

Today would have been my sister's 54th birthday.  It is hard for me to believe she has been gone almost three years.  As much as I miss my sister, I just can't imagine what it must feel like for my parents, brother-in-law, or my nephews.  Tonight I will call my mother on the phone and try to make her day suck a little less.  Then, I will call my brother-in-law and try to distract him for a little while.  Then I will call each of my nephews and tell them how proud their mother would have been of them for what they have achieved since she has been gone. 

My sister spent her 51st (and last) birthday in the hospital fighting breast cancer.  She was pretty far gone by then and we all knew she didn't have much time left.  Those were somber days that will stick with me until I take my last breath.  I now have nobody left that I can share some of my most cherished childhood memories with.

Watching my sister suffer and waste away in the hospital was the kick in the ass that I needed to give me the strength to finally quit tobacco.  It still took me well over a year after my sister passed before I could build up the mental strength to start seriously thinking about quitting.  Only a true addict can understand how difficult it is to battle that inner demon that always wants you to put off quitting for one more day.  But, I finally did it and I have my sister to thank for giving me that final push that I needed.

And today I dedicate my Day 394 to my sister.  Happy Birthday in heaven, sis!   
I read that slack-jawed punched in the chest eyes watering at the conclusion. My heart aches for you Kybo.  Got 5 sisters and can't fathom the loss of a single one. Privileged to have been part of your quit thus far.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on February 10, 2019, 01:17:43 PM
What? Four hundred days?  Already?  Seriously?
My oh my how time flies when you're quitting with friends.
Yessireebob, flying indeed.  Why it'll be five hundy in the blink of an eye, before I can even think of something witty and profound to say.
In short, I. Quit. With. You. Today.  !
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on February 11, 2019, 08:57:48 AM
DAY 401

Hard to believe that is already been 400 days without tobacco or nicotine of any kind.  It seems like just yesterday that I was watching a documentary on Stevie Ray Vaughn that somehow delivered a message straight to my soul that told me it was time to quit.  I can't explain why that documentary hit me so hard that day (January 7th, 2018).  But, the moment that Stevie said, "I thought I could stay at the party forever, it don't work that way, cause that shit will kill ya," I knew it was time for me to quit.  And that is exactly what I did right at that exact moment.

I was scanning thru the onscreen TV guide two days ago and saw the listing for that exact same Stevie Ray Vaughn documentary.  I watched it again in it's entirety on my Day 399.  That quote from him still punched me right in the gut the second time around.  I DVR'd the documentary so I can watch it again whenever I want.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

I have decided that 2019 will my year to seriously try to get back into shape.  I have been pretty consistent for the last year with exercising, but I was still eating and drinking whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it.  I am proud to say that I have already lost 20 pounds since January 1st of this year.  I have kicked up my exercising a little bit but I think the biggest contributor to the weight loss has been the fact that I have cut way back on my calorie intake since the first of the year, especially at lunch.  My goal is to lose 50 pounds and keep it off. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have decided that I am going to spend the money I saved from Day 300 to Day 400 on some Eastern White Pine Trees.  I found a guy that will sell me 16 white pines that are 3 to 4 foot tall for $25 each.  I think I am going to plant them west of my barn lot to add a little more privacy from the road and to create somewhat of a natural snow fence for the barn lot.   I need to do a little research to see how far I need to plant them from the lot to maximize their effect as a snow fence.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In about a week and a half the Kings and Queen of April '18 will have 27 active members surpass the 400 Day mark!  That is absolutely amazing in my opinion.  I am proud to quit with each and every one of them every single day!  On to 500! 
Title: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 05, 2018, 09:35:00 AM
I originally posted my introduction in the Pre-HOF April 2018 group on January 13th, 2018. I thought I should post those words in here today to make it easier for me to add to it in the future. Kind of like a journal. I will follow this first post up immediately with a couple notes that I already had jotted down. I am doing this for my own therapy and not for anybody's else's entertainment. If you want to read and comment that is fine by me, but that is not why I am doing it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From 1-13-18

First off, I still can't figure out how to post correctly on here. I have read everything I can find and even watched a youtube video. I am just not very tech savvy, but I will figure it out eventually through repetition or just plain dumb luck. Thanks for the patience.

48 years old, been chewing on and off since I was 14. Married with two children. I have always been a bit of a loner.

So, why am I here?

About a year ago my only sister died from breast cancer. It was tough watching her battle to the end. It was even tougher watching her husband and children deal with what we all knew was coming. My sister lived a healthy lifestyle. Never smoked, never drank, nor did she take drugs. She ate fairly healthy and exercised regularly. Yet, she was dead at the age of fifty. I honestly was in a state of shock for several months. But then, I took a look around and realized that I didn't want to put my wife and kids through that kind of hell if I could help it. I knew I was going to quit chewing, but I just kept making up excuses to buy another can. In November I finally made the decision to start cutting back on how much I chewed every day. By December, I had myself down to 3 small chews a day. I stuck with the 3 chews a day all the way to January 7th. I knew by then that I was an addict. I was going through withdrawals every day between my 3 small chews. Every day for over a month. It wasn't getting any easier. Cutting back wasn't working because I was still feeding the beast, and the beast was always hungry.

Then, on January 7th my wife and kids went shopping, leaving me at home by myself. I immediately put in my chew and flipped on the television. There was a documentary on about Stevie Ray Vaughn. They were showing an old interview that SRV did after he came out of rehab for his alcohol and drug addictions. I am going to paraphrase a little bit, but he basically said, " You can't stay at the party forever. Eventually that shit is going to kill you." I have no idea why that statement hit me so hard, but it hit me square in the face like a freight train. I am not a young kid any more. I have been abusing my body for over 30 years. I have definitely stayed at the fucking party too long.

I spit out my chew at 11:55 am on Sunday, January 7th. The next 36 hours were pretty rough. It felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head. But, I stuck with it. I stuck with it for my wife and kids. I stuck with it for my sister, who nicknamed me kybo when I was a toddler. And I stuck with it for my mother in the hope that she won't have to endure burying her only remaining child.

I am an addict. This morning I made a pledge to not have a chew, and I didn't have a chew today. Tomorrow I will make the same pledge.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 05, 2018, 09:38:00 AM
On my 38th day quit I skipped a funeral and played hooky from work by saying I was going to the funeral. That day has been the hardest for me so far. I had worked with the guy for seven years when I was younger and he was probably my best friend at that time in my life. I had every intention of going to his funeral, but when I woke up that morning I just couldnÂ’t do it. I was feeling very depressed and the funeral was two hours away from me. I had almost convinced myself to say fuck it and buy a can of chew for the drive. What difference would it make? We are all going to die eventually, right? I logged onto KTC and posted roll that morning and I knew immediately after that I wasnÂ’t going anywhere. I canÂ’t call that a win, it was more of a no decision. I feel like shit for being too weak to show my respect to a guy that meant that much to me. But, I didnÂ’t have a chew that day. If you want to judge me, go ahead. He is dead and nothing will change that. This is just one more demon that will keep me up at night.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 05, 2018, 09:58:00 AM
I am on Day 58 today and I had the most fucked up dream last night. Yep, I finally had the dip dream.

To preface this story I want to say that I have been thinking a lot about my annual fishing trip to the Canadian outback the first week of June. I have been taking this trip for over twenty years with a great group of guys. I have already told all of these guys that I have quit tobacco and that I am planning on staying that way. They have all been really supportive, but that is what true friends should be. So, I am not surprised.

Anyway, I have been thinking about how I am going to post roll when I am in Canada and how I am going battle the nicotine demon that I am sure will be hounding me all week. It has been on my mind a great deal lately. I have decided that I am going to take a shitload of fake chew with me. I already know that I like Smoky Mountain (Peach, Cherry, Wintergreen) and Bacc Off Wintergreen. But, I have been thinking about ordering some different brands to try out before I go, such as Triumph or Hooch. I think this "plan" combined with a recent online order from the Black Rifle Coffee Company is what caused my dream.

Here is the dream:
It was midweek of my fishing trip and we are out in the middle of fucking nowhere. I am sitting in the boat with a giant fake chew of Triumph in my lip thinking about how much I enjoy the shit. And thinking that if I had found Triumph before I started chewing tobacco I might have never gone for the real tobacco. Yeah the week is going great so far!

Then my buddy that was in the boat with me says, "Hey, can I try a pinch of that Triumph? It smells good enough to maybe get me to quit too."

Of course I am toss him the can, even though I am slightly worried about running out before the week is over. What could be better than maybe playing a part in saving somebody else from the nicotine monster, right?

My buddy takes a giant shovel full of my Triumph and shoves it in his mouth. He sits there for a second and says, "Damn, this is really good!" Then he starts examining the can like he is trying to memorize everything about it.

He starts laughing hysterically and says, " Hey dumbass! You do realize this isn't tobacco free, right? You bought the full nicotine Triumph!"

Pure panic set in as I realized I had been chewing real tobacco for several days. The last thing I remember about the dream was me trying to dig the shit out of my mouth with my finger and spitting over the side of the boat. I woke up right after that with my heart beating like crazy.

I am sure this had to do with Black Rifle Coffee Company sending me the wrong coffee in the mail last week. I was mad when I opened the box, but it turned out that I liked their Just Black blend just fine. No harm, no foul. But what a fucked up dream.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Samrs on March 05, 2018, 09:58:00 AM
Quote from: Kybo
On my 38th day quit I skipped a funeral and played hooky from work by saying I was going to the funeral. That day has been the hardest for me so far. I had worked with the guy for seven years when I was younger and he was probably my best friend at that time in my life. I had every intention of going to his funeral, but when I woke up that morning I just couldnÂ’t do it. I was feeling very depressed and the funeral was two hours away from me. I had almost convinced myself to say fuck it and buy a can of chew for the drive. What difference would it make? We are all going to die eventually, right? I logged onto KTC and posted roll that morning and I knew immediately after that I wasnÂ’t going anywhere. I canÂ’t call that a win, it was more of a no decision. I feel like shit for being too weak to show my respect to a guy that meant that much to me. But, I didnÂ’t have a chew that day. If you want to judge me, go ahead. He is dead and nothing will change that. This is just one more demon that will keep me up at night.
Kybo - you did what you needed to do at the time to stay quit. Absolutely not going to judge you for that.

Don't beat yourself up over it. If anything, remember this as an example of how badly nicotine has screwed with your head. The depression, the feeling of screw it, the excuses and lies we tell ourselves... you faced that down, and you won. You made the decision to be quit, and then did what you needed to get through it.

If I were your friend, I'd be proud of you for embracing life and freedom.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 05, 2018, 10:14:00 AM
Quote from: Samrs
Quote from: Kybo
On my 38th day quit I skipped a funeral and played hooky from work by saying I was going to the funeral. That day has been the hardest for me so far. I had worked with the guy for seven years when I was younger and he was probably my best friend at that time in my life. I had every intention of going to his funeral, but when I woke up that morning I just couldnÂ’t do it. I was feeling very depressed and the funeral was two hours away from me. I had almost convinced myself to say fuck it and buy a can of chew for the drive. What difference would it make? We are all going to die eventually, right? I logged onto KTC and posted roll that morning and I knew immediately after that I wasnÂ’t going anywhere. I canÂ’t call that a win, it was more of a no decision. I feel like shit for being too weak to show my respect to a guy that meant that much to me. But, I didnÂ’t have a chew that day. If you want to judge me, go ahead. He is dead and nothing will change that. This is just one more demon that will keep me up at night.
Kybo - you did what you needed to do at the time to stay quit. Absolutely not going to judge you for that.

Don't beat yourself up over it. If anything, remember this as an example of how badly nicotine has screwed with your head. The depression, the feeling of screw it, the excuses and lies we tell ourselves... you faced that down, and you won. You made the decision to be quit, and then did what you needed to get through it.

If I were your friend, I'd be proud of you for embracing life and freedom.
Thanks, Samrs. I am sure he would have been fine with it. He probably would have laughed about giving me an excuse to skip work and get paid for it.

He and I had worked as landscapers while we were working our way through college. I stayed home on the day of his funeral and cleared brush from the back of my property. It was the kind of work he and I had done together all those years ago. I found myself talking out loud to him a couple times that day. Of course, he didn't answer me even once. But, it made me feel less like a piece of shit and I got a lot of work done that I had been putting off for months. I questioned my sanity more than once that day.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: worktowin on March 05, 2018, 11:37:00 AM
Quote from: Kybo
Quote from: Samrs
Quote from: Kybo
On my 38th day quit I skipped a funeral and played hooky from work by saying I was going to the funeral. That day has been the hardest for me so far. I had worked with the guy for seven years when I was younger and he was probably my best friend at that time in my life. I had every intention of going to his funeral, but when I woke up that morning I just couldnÂ’t do it. I was feeling very depressed and the funeral was two hours away from me. I had almost convinced myself to say fuck it and buy a can of chew for the drive. What difference would it make? We are all going to die eventually, right? I logged onto KTC and posted roll that morning and I knew immediately after that I wasnÂ’t going anywhere. I canÂ’t call that a win, it was more of a no decision. I feel like shit for being too weak to show my respect to a guy that meant that much to me. But, I didnÂ’t have a chew that day. If you want to judge me, go ahead. He is dead and nothing will change that. This is just one more demon that will keep me up at night.
Kybo - you did what you needed to do at the time to stay quit. Absolutely not going to judge you for that.

Don't beat yourself up over it. If anything, remember this as an example of how badly nicotine has screwed with your head. The depression, the feeling of screw it, the excuses and lies we tell ourselves... you faced that down, and you won. You made the decision to be quit, and then did what you needed to get through it.

If I were your friend, I'd be proud of you for embracing life and freedom.
Thanks, Samrs. I am sure he would have been fine with it. He probably would have laughed about giving me an excuse to skip work and get paid for it.

He and I had worked as landscapers while we were working our way through college. I stayed home on the day of his funeral and cleared brush from the back of my property. It was the kind of work he and I had done together all those years ago. I found myself talking out loud to him a couple times that day. Of course, he didn't answer me even once. But, it made me feel less like a piece of shit and I got a lot of work done that I had been putting off for months. I questioned my sanity more than once that day.
Hi man. This is a powerful introduction.

One day at a time, freedom is ahead. Your sister, by the way, would be very proud of you.

If there is anything I can do to help - shoot me a PM. Fighting this addiction is so hard at first. After a while, it becomes so obvious what total bullshit nicotine really is. Once that happens - you'll achieve a peace like you haven't had in a long time. One day at a time.

Peace be with you, sir.

Michael
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 05, 2018, 02:31:00 PM
I just thought of another benefit to stopping. My Iphone battery lasts longer than it did before I stopped using. Why, you ask?

I was a ninja dipper and I constantly used Iphone finder to see where my wife and kids were so they wouldn't catch me chewing. Apparently that app really uses some battery power because my battery lasts a hell of a lot longer now. 'no'
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Athan on March 05, 2018, 07:56:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
I have been abusing my body for over 30 years. I have definitely stayed at the fucking party too long.
Right there with you. Really starting to eat at me how much abuse I was heaping on my soul; I was starting to wonder how much more it would take before some serious health issues made themselves manifest in my bones.
So very pleased to have found this site and landed in April.
I'm right there with you Kybo.
All in, All day, PTBQWYT.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 06, 2018, 10:59:00 AM
Day 59.

Things aren't always what they seem. I am going to leave this statement alone for a few days. I may revisit it in the future if it turns out I am right.

By my rough estimates I think I have saved about $224 so far since I quit ($3.80/can). That number is probably closer to $200 because I have purchased about a dozen cans of fake chew. I have been putting the money I save in a stein in the man cave. My plan is to spend it on something frivolous once I get to 100 days (or donate it to charity if I cave). So far, I am leaning toward a drone or some kind of night vision device. I know that sounds like a stupid waste of money, but is it honestly any more ridiculous than spending the money on shit that is going to give me mouth cancer? I think not.

I might end up spending the money I saved on a rear tine tiller. My wife has decided that she wants a garden this year. I might as well make it a little bit easier on myself. We will see where I am leaning once (if) I make it to 100 days. One day at a time.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Rtp1990 on March 06, 2018, 12:23:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
Day 59.

Things aren't always what they seem. I am going to leave this statement alone for a few days. I may revisit it in the future if it turns out I am right.

By my rough estimates I think I have saved about $224 so far since I quit ($3.80/can). That number is probably closer to $200 because I have purchased about a dozen cans of fake chew. I have been putting the money I save in a stein in the man cave. My plan is to spend it on something frivolous once I get to 100 days (or donate it to charity if I cave). So far, I am leaning toward a drone or some kind of night vision device. I know that sounds like a stupid waste of money, but is it honestly any more ridiculous than spending the money on shit that is going to give me mouth cancer? I think not.

I might end up spending the money I saved on a rear tine tiller. My wife has decided that she wants a garden this year. I might as well make it a little bit easier on myself. We will see where I am leaning once (if) I make it to 100 days. One day at a time.
ItÂ’s amazing how fast the money adds up! I know that in the 8 days IÂ’ve quit IÂ’ve saved closed to 100 bucks. Each can was about $8 a can after tax, and I usually bought a couple sodas. I averaged each store stop to be about 12 to 15 bucks when it was all said and done. IÂ’m planning to spend my money saved on some new hunting gear for my wife and I. I say you spend it on what you want. ThereÂ’s no reason to not spend that money on something that will bring you happiness since before it was spent on something that was killing you. Props on getting to day 59! ItÂ’s an achievement that IÂ’m aiming for right now!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 06, 2018, 02:07:00 PM
Quote from: Rtp1990
Quote from: Kybo
Day 59.

Things aren't always what they seem. I am going to leave this statement alone for a few days. I may revisit it in the future if it turns out I am right.

By my rough estimates I think I have saved about $224 so far since I quit ($3.80/can). That number is probably closer to $200 because I have purchased about a dozen cans of fake chew. I have been putting the money I save in a stein in the man cave. My plan is to spend it on something frivolous once I get to 100 days (or donate it to charity if I cave). So far, I am leaning toward a drone or some kind of night vision device. I know that sounds like a stupid waste of money, but is it honestly any more ridiculous than spending the money on shit that is going to give me mouth cancer? I think not.

I might end up spending the money I saved on a rear tine tiller. My wife has decided that she wants a garden this year. I might as well make it a little bit easier on myself. We will see where I am leaning once (if) I make it to 100 days. One day at a time.
ItÂ’s amazing how fast the money adds up! I know that in the 8 days IÂ’ve quit IÂ’ve saved closed to 100 bucks. Each can was about $8 a can after tax, and I usually bought a couple sodas. I averaged each store stop to be about 12 to 15 bucks when it was all said and done. IÂ’m planning to spend my money saved on some new hunting gear for my wife and I. I say you spend it on what you want. ThereÂ’s no reason to not spend that money on something that will bring you happiness since before it was spent on something that was killing you. Props on getting to day 59! ItÂ’s an achievement that IÂ’m aiming for right now!
RTP - keep chopping wood and you will be successful in your quit.

I don't really see 59 days as being a success because I once gave up tobacco for over 2 years and fell back down the rabbit hole. I let complacency get me that time and I chewed for 10 more years as a result. We have to stay vigilant. Every day is a new battle that we have to fight one at a time. That is why I come to KTC every day. I come in and I read what the new guys/gals are going thru. Every so often I check out the Eternal Quitters page to pay my silent respects. I try to spend some time in the Wildcard section every day letting off some steam. That is what keeps my reasons for quitting fresh in my mind. I come in and take what I need and try to give back what I am capable of giving. I made my pledge this morning and I intend to keep it. Lord willing, I will wake up tomorrow morning and do it all over again. ODAAT!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Rtp1990 on March 06, 2018, 04:22:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
Quote from: Rtp1990
Quote from: Kybo
Day 59.

Things aren't always what they seem. I am going to leave this statement alone for a few days. I may revisit it in the future if it turns out I am right.

By my rough estimates I think I have saved about $224 so far since I quit ($3.80/can). That number is probably closer to $200 because I have purchased about a dozen cans of fake chew. I have been putting the money I save in a stein in the man cave. My plan is to spend it on something frivolous once I get to 100 days (or donate it to charity if I cave). So far, I am leaning toward a drone or some kind of night vision device. I know that sounds like a stupid waste of money, but is it honestly any more ridiculous than spending the money on shit that is going to give me mouth cancer? I think not.

I might end up spending the money I saved on a rear tine tiller. My wife has decided that she wants a garden this year. I might as well make it a little bit easier on myself. We will see where I am leaning once (if) I make it to 100 days. One day at a time.
ItÂ’s amazing how fast the money adds up! I know that in the 8 days IÂ’ve quit IÂ’ve saved closed to 100 bucks. Each can was about $8 a can after tax, and I usually bought a couple sodas. I averaged each store stop to be about 12 to 15 bucks when it was all said and done. IÂ’m planning to spend my money saved on some new hunting gear for my wife and I. I say you spend it on what you want. ThereÂ’s no reason to not spend that money on something that will bring you happiness since before it was spent on something that was killing you. Props on getting to day 59! ItÂ’s an achievement that IÂ’m aiming for right now!
RTP - keep chopping wood and you will be successful in your quit.

I don't really see 59 days as being a success because I once gave up tobacco for over 2 years and fell back down the rabbit hole. I let complacency get me that time and I chewed for 10 more years as a result. We have to stay vigilant. Every day is a new battle that we have to fight one at a time. That is why I come to KTC every day. I come in and I read what the new guys/gals are going thru. Every so often I check out the Eternal Quitters page to pay my silent respects. I try to spend some time in the Wildcard section every day letting off some steam. That is what keeps my reasons for quitting fresh in my mind. I come in and take what I need and try to give back what I am capable of giving. I made my pledge this morning and I intend to keep it. Lord willing, I will wake up tomorrow morning and do it all over again. ODAAT!
59 days is success in any manner of the aspect based on what IÂ’ve seen from the people posting in the groups. You could still be slamming the shit in your lip living with the guilt of hiding it from your family and friends with the burning desire to quit but not having the guts to do so. YouÂ’re here now and 59 days in. YouÂ’re 59 days ahead of people still dipping and youÂ’ll always hold that lead as long as you donÂ’t cave.

I canÂ’t speak on much, IÂ’m 8 days into my 5th quit. My longest was just shy of 9 months and I decided that 1 dip wouldnÂ’t hurt me. 3 1/2 years later I found this site and quit. I could be in the comma club by now if I had kept up. But the fact is that we made mistakes and were on the right path to get where we want to go.

Keep up the quit! And buy yourself that drone. You can do it!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 07, 2018, 08:20:00 AM
Day 60.

I just read about the Taylor Swift cave. (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=8811048&t=10847546) Thanks to Harvestgirl for posting that in June '18. I don't know what is worse, caving or admitting that you are a grown man that listens to Taylor Swift.

I was up all night again last night. I doubt it was dip quit related, but it felt almost exactly like those nights I had the first week I quit. Just laying in bed wide awake and staring at the ceiling. 6 months ago I would have said, "fuck it," thrown in a chew and gone outside to sit on the porch. Last night I stayed in bed and thought about what is next for me.

My original plan was to wait until 100 days before I made an effort to eat better. I figured quitting the nic was the most important thing and I would worry about the weight gain later. After last night I have changed my plans. I have been hitting the treadmill religiously since I gave up tobacco, but I have still gained quite a bit of weight thanks to my inability to stop eating everything I can find. I haven't weighed myself, but the struggle is real every morning when I try to button my pants. So, last night I made a promise to myself that today I will start a diet and continue on the treadmill. I am also going to ease back into some weight training as time allows. We will see how it goes. I have decided that I am not going to weigh myself again until my work physical in June. I don't even want to know how much weight I have gained. It doesn't matter anyway.

I am very saddened that Preston has disappeared from KTC. The last time he logged onto the site was the evening of March 4th. Today is March 7th. He was a 100% poster up until he just disappeared. I hope he is OK.

I swear to God I am talking to myself a lot more now that I have stopped using tobacco than I did when I was still using. It is so fucking weird. I feel like I have to have an internal conversation with myself about every single thing that I do now. WTF is that all about?
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 07, 2018, 03:17:00 PM
Still Day 60.

Doofus just posted that he was able to lose 50 pounds in 3 months on the Keto diet with exercise. I am going to look into this Keto diet a little more. The only thing that looks like it would be a major problem for me would be giving up beer. But, it would be worth it if I could lose 25 pounds in 3 months. I had a salad and a glass of water for lunch today. I think I will read up on Keto after I get off the treadmill this evening.

Still no sign of Preston today. He will be MIQ after today. Bummer. But, I did stumble onto a new quitter today in General Discussion and help him find his way to the June 18' Pre HOF page. So, it looks like we lost one and gained another in the battle against big tobacco.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 08, 2018, 09:35:00 AM
Day 61.

I feel great! Maybe a little fatter than I was a few months ago, but I feel fucking great!!

I have a few minutes this morning and was going to post something about myself again, but when I came into the Introductions page I noticed there were 83 Guests viewing our Intro pages. I was the only actual member logged in to the Intro section at the time. 83 guests were in here just looking around. So, I thought this morning I would write a short message just for you guys/gals that are in here looking around.

You guests are obviously here for a reason. What is that reason? Obviously you are at least thinking about quitting or you wouldn't be here. My advice is to go ahead and create a username and join the conversation for a couple days. It is completely free and you can choose to remain anonymous. You only have to tell people what you want to tell them. And, there are a lot more sections filled with great advice and great people that you can see and interact with once you become a member. Did I already mention it is completely free? Come on in, the water is nice and warm. I promise we don't bite and most of us don't even pee in the pool anymore. Every one of us was once in your shoes. We know what you are going through right now.

When I first stopped using tobacco it felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head for the first four days. And my jaw hurt which kind of freaked me out a little bit. I also had a headache that came and went for a couple of weeks. I didn't sleep much in the beginning either. I would have been totally freaked out if I hadn't joined KTC and talked to people that had been thru the same things I was going thru. They assured me it was normal and that it would get better. And they were right.

What are you waiting for? All the cool kids are doing it. Come quit with us and see how good it makes you feel.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Thumblewort on March 08, 2018, 10:11:00 AM
I skipped a funeral I should have went to last weekend. Funeral's suck, don't beat yourself up for it. At least we quit that day!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 09, 2018, 10:08:00 AM
Day 62!

Still feel great. It could completely be my imagination, but I swear my eyesight has improved since I gave up tobacco. And the air seems so much crisper when I take a deep breath now. Both of these things could be the result of the 15 to 20 miles a week I have been doing on the treadmill since I gave up the nasty shit. Or it could be due to the fact that I am no longer poisoning my body every day with that shit.

I have been reading some posts by other people that are talking about having some issues with depression. I can't really say that I have had problems that I would classify as depression, but I have had a few emotional roller coaster rides over the last couple of months. Mood swings, or whatever you want to call them. I am totally over the rage and subsequent outbursts at this point. But, yesterday my assistant came into my office and asked me if everything was ok. She said she has noticed that I have been keeping to myself and I have been a little more quiet than normal for the last couple of weeks. It actually made me laugh out loud because about 6 weeks ago she came into my office and asked me the exact same question because she thought that I was being "meaner than normal" to some of the employees. Nobody at the office knows anything about me ever using tobacco or the fact that I have now stopped using it. I don't think I will ever tell them.

Still no sign of Preston. He hasn't even logged into the site since the 4th. I never had him pegged as a caver.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: laxdaddy27 on March 09, 2018, 10:49:00 AM
Kybo - you are doing awesome. I enjoy your story. My intro is Day 9. Im at the 55 day mark today and this week has been tougher than Ive seen since weeks 1 - 3. Keep fighting the good fight, we will win together. Lax
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 09, 2018, 11:14:00 AM
Quote from: laxdaddy27
Kybo - you are doing awesome. I enjoy your story. My intro is Day 9. Im at the 55 day mark today and this week has been tougher than Ive seen since weeks 1 - 3. Keep fighting the good fight, we will win together. Lax
Thanks, brother.

I really want to be done with tobacco this time. For me. I think that is why I am not struggling as much as I have in the past. And I will give high praise to Smoky Mountain. I went the first 10 days without any substitute (except for when I tried coffee grounds on day 4) and I honestly don't think I would have made it to 20 days without SM. I am down to maybe one chew of SM a day now and I have even gone a couple days in a row without it. But, from day 10 to about day 45 would have been brutal if I hadn't had the SM.

And of course KTC has been a huge help for me. I call KTC my tool shed. Whenever I know I am going to be facing some triggers or a tougher than normal task, I come to KTC and do a little reading to refresh my fortitude. Very similar to visiting an actual tool shed to get the tools I need for a specific job. I take what I need and leave the rest.

And for the record, I do not recommend putting straight coffee grounds into your lip. I was so desperate on day 4 that I cut open a Timmy Horton K-cup and shoved it all in my lip. Wow! I thought my heart was going to explode!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Athan on March 10, 2018, 03:21:00 AM
Quote from: Kybo
...I call KTC my tool shed. Whenever I know I am going to be facing some triggers or a tougher than normal task, I come to KTC and do a little reading to refresh my fortitude. Very similar to visiting an actual tool shed to get the tools I need for a specific job. I take what I need and leave the rest...
Kybo, that's one of the best analogies I've seen so far. Really sums it up nicely.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 12, 2018, 09:41:00 AM
Day 65

Wow, we have lost a few people from our April group in the last week, or so. I am guessing they caved and just decided to not come back. That is a shame. But, I firmly believe you either want to quit or you donÂ’t want to quit. And if you want to quit there is nothing in this world that will prevent you from accomplishing your goal of living a tobacco free life. Nothing at all. Conversely, if you donÂ’t truly want to quit you are just living your life looking for a reason to cave. And eventually you will find that reason if you are constantly looking for it, whether it is real or perceived.

It ainÂ’t easy, but nobody said it would be.

For the last 4 or 5 days my addict brain just keeps asking me if I really want to be quit. And every time I answer, “Fuck Yeah!” I have read stuff from many of the vets that have warned us new quitters about “ late term craves, the doldrums, the blahs, and the blues.“ The What to Expect Page says we should probably experience this around days 70-90. I think I hit this stage around Day 60. People call it the “Funk.” I honestly haven’t been even remotely tempted to cave yet, but I will admit that I have thought more about chew the last 4 or 5 days than I did in the entire previous month combined. I am not sure why I have been thinking about it so much, but I will say that I haven’t touched the fake stuff in 3 days. Perhaps that might be a contributing factor. All I know is that the reasons I decided to quit are still fresh in my head. I keep those reasons front and center by visiting KTC every day and making my pledge every morning. And I haven’t caved. So, I must be doing something right.

I have also read a lot of the vets correcting new quitters when they use the word “habit” when talking about chew. The vets correctly inform the new quitters that chew is an addiction. I agree with what the vets are saying about chew being an addiction, but I also agree with the people that call it a habit. I think chew is both an addiction and a habit. And the fact that it is a habit AND an addiction is what makes it so damn difficult to quit. Let’s be honest, if we were just addicted to nicotine patches I don’t think that would be as hard to quit as chewing. I don’t think you would see a bunch of nicotine patch addicts walking around with fake patches stuck to their bodies in an attempt to quit the patch. But, you clearly see a lot of recovering chewing tobacco addicts utilizing fake chew to help their attempts to “kick the habit.” You also see a lot of smokers utilizing candy suckers in an effort to “kick their habit.” So yes, I think there is an aspect to chewing tobacco that is a habit that is reinforced by an addiction, or vice versa. You get the idea. That is just my opinion and I am totally OK with you disagreeing with me.

That “habit” part of the addiction has been a tough one for me. The fake chew has helped tremendously, but I don’t like the fact that even the fake stuff tears up my mouth and inner cheeks. If I am giving up tobacco I want my mouth to feel good again. It is hard to explain, but I seriously think I miss having that lump of shit in my lip and spitting in a can every 60 seconds. Without that shit in my lip I catch myself clenching my teeth all the time or constantly running my tongue over my cheeks and gums. The end result being that my jaw hurts and I feel like I am rubbing raw spots on my gums from the constant irritation from my tongue. I am really trying to make the switch from fake chew to chewing gum but apparently I don’t know how to chew gum correctly because I keep accidentally biting the inside of my cheeks. And I am biting hard enough to actually draw blood. I have done this 3 times in the last month or so. WTF is up with that?

And now I would like to go back and address those people that were once members of our April group that have disappeared from KTC. The message that I have for you is that I am not mad at you. I sincerely hope you are still quit and you just decided to leave the site for some reason unknown to the rest of us. It would have been nice if you would have had the decency to tell at least one of us why you were leaving. If you caved, you caved. I am not going to sit here and tell you how to live your life. You either want to quit or you donÂ’t. I personally donÂ’t give a flying shit how many times you cave as long as you own your failure and genuinely commit yourself to keep trying to quit. If you do that I will support you every time you try to quit. Because at the end of the day, that is what we are all trying to accomplish. We are all human. We all have weaknesses and we all make mistakes. Your failure is not going to cause me to fail. The only thing that is going to cause me to fail is my own weakness or my own mistake. The important thing is that we all get up each day and keep trying to quit. I genuinely want to quit. But, I understand that not everybody else really wants to quit.

If you donÂ’t genuinely want to quit, then I think you made the right decision to leave KTC. Enjoy your life, just do it somewhere else. And thank you for not wasting any more of my time by pretending you want to quit when you really don't.

Have a great fucking day, everybody! IQWYT!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Rawls on March 14, 2018, 12:29:00 AM
Great intro......
Much wisdom you have.
Keep sharing... It's good for you and us.
Regarding habit and addiction.... Both are real.
In simplest terms, the primary difference between a habit and an addiction....
Is that a person is ultimately in control of a habit.
While an addiction is in control of the person.
For me.... I could stop habits!
I need truth and accountability from others to quit this addiction. ODAAT!
I quit with you today.
Congrats on day 66
Rawls 1212
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 16, 2018, 09:20:00 AM
Day 69

I think I have emerged from the funk I have been in for the last week. I was a little worried that March Madness would be a huge trigger and would cause me some grief, but I had no issues on Day 1 of the tourney. I took the day off of work yesterday to get some more clearing done on my property since the barn guys are supposed to start next week. Used some Bacc Off while I was running the chainsaw and brush cutter and that seemed to stop me from even thinking about chew for the day. Would have been a great day had the oil filler cap not stripped out on the saw. I had to hold the saw sideways to keep all the oil from leaking out. I didn't have any problems cutting the trees down, but I couldn't do a decent job cutting to manageable links because I had to hold the saw sideways. It ended up cutting my day a little short and I just went inside and watched some basketball. I am going to try to find a replacement cap today while I am on lunch and I will pick up an extra chain as well.

It dawned on me last night that here I am at Day 69 and if this is the best it ever gets I am OK with that. I hear the vets saying all the time that "it gets better." But, I seriously realized last night that I am OK with how it is right now. I am not going to complain if it keeps getting better, but life ain't so bad right now. I still find myself thinking about chew quite a bit, but I can't really call it a craving. It is more like my subconscious is still trying to romanticize tobacco every chance it gets, but it doesn't put near the effort into it any more because it knows I am not going to budge. I honestly think I crave cigars more than I crave chew and I was never a huge cigar smoker. I maybe smoked a few dozen cigars a year before I gave up tobacco. This is a battle that I feel pretty good about winning.

I feel great physically. I started dieting a few days ago and I think I am already starting to feel a difference. I feel like my appetite has already returned to normal and I am eating a ton better. I have continued with my treadmill work and I have now done my first two days of upper body. In addition to that, I am still busting my ass to clear some trees and brush from the back of my property which is a hell of a workout by itself. I know exercise has played a huge roll in making this quit easier for me. If you are still in the early days of trying to quit I strongly advise you to start exercising.

The only physical issue I have right now is that it feels like my mouth is watering all the time. I didn't notice this problem until about a week ago which is when I started cutting back on the fake chew. Now, I find myself spitting constantly even when I don't have anything in my mouth. I feel like Pavlov's dog probably would have felt if the bell somehow got stuck in ring mode. I chewed tobacco for so long that I can't honestly remember if my mouth watered like this before I started chewing, or not. And I never noticed my mouth watering like this when I was using tobacco, but I usually had a dip in my mouth if it was possible to have one. So, I'm not sure what is normal and what is not. Of course, this all could just be another psychological trick that the nic bitch is trying to use on me to make me miss her. Who the fuck knows? If the problem persists I will ask my doctor the next time I see him. Until then, I will keep quitting one day at a time. This too shall pass.

I know there wasn't much interesting in this post today. I am sorry if you read it from start to finish. Just a little more therapy for my addict brain. I quit with you today!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 19, 2018, 10:11:00 AM
Quote from: Kybo
Day 69

I think I have emerged from the funk I have been in for the last week. I was a little worried that March Madness would be a huge trigger and would cause me some grief, but I had no issues on Day 1 of the tourney. I took the day off of work yesterday to get some more clearing done on my property since the barn guys are supposed to start next week. Used some Bacc Off while I was running the chainsaw and brush cutter and that seemed to stop me from even thinking about chew for the day. Would have been a great day had the oil filler cap not stripped out on the saw. I had to hold the saw sideways to keep all the oil from leaking out. I didn't have any problems cutting the trees down, but I couldn't do a decent job cutting to manageable links because I had to hold the saw sideways. It ended up cutting my day a little short and I just went inside and watched some basketball. I am going to try to find a replacement cap today while I am on lunch and I will pick up an extra chain as well.

It dawned on me last night that here I am at Day 69 and if this is the best it ever gets I am OK with that. I hear the vets saying all the time that "it gets better." But, I seriously realized last night that I am OK with how it is right now. I am not going to complain if it keeps getting better, but life ain't so bad right now. I still find myself thinking about chew quite a bit, but I can't really call it a craving. It is more like my subconscious is still trying to romanticize tobacco every chance it gets, but it doesn't put near the effort into it any more because it knows I am not going to budge. I honestly think I crave cigars more than I crave chew and I was never a huge cigar smoker. I maybe smoked a few dozen cigars a year before I gave up tobacco. This is a battle that I feel pretty good about winning.

I feel great physically. I started dieting a few days ago and I think I am already starting to feel a difference. I feel like my appetite has already returned to normal and I am eating a ton better. I have continued with my treadmill work and I have now done my first two days of upper body. In addition to that, I am still busting my ass to clear some trees and brush from the back of my property which is a hell of a workout by itself. I know exercise has played a huge roll in making this quit easier for me. If you are still in the early days of trying to quit I strongly advise you to start exercising.

The only physical issue I have right now is that it feels like my mouth is watering all the time. I didn't notice this problem until about a week ago which is when I started cutting back on the fake chew. Now, I find myself spitting constantly even when I don't have anything in my mouth. I feel like Pavlov's dog probably would have felt if the bell somehow got stuck in ring mode. I chewed tobacco for so long that I can't honestly remember if my mouth watered like this before I started chewing, or not. And I never noticed my mouth watering like this when I was using tobacco, but I usually had a dip in my mouth if it was possible to have one. So, I'm not sure what is normal and what is not. Of course, this all could just be another psychological trick that the nic bitch is trying to use on me to make me miss her. Who the fuck knows? If the problem persists I will ask my doctor the next time I see him. Until then, I will keep quitting one day at a time. This too shall pass.

I know there wasn't much interesting in this post today. I am sorry if you read it from start to finish. Just a little more therapy for my addict brain. I quit with you today!
Day 72

I have seen some discussions on KTC over the last several weeks where some members have talked about reevaluating their desire/need to quit after a period of time. I haven't read anything where anyone was actively planning to start using tobacco again, but I have seen some discussions where people were leaving the door open to at least consider the possibility of maybe having a cigar or a chew somewhere down the line. Maybe after 100 Days, maybe after a year, or maybe after reaching the comma club. It was just a few discussions here and there and nobody was saying they thought it was a good idea. But, it was enough to get me thinking about the subject.

I will admit this "reevaluation" has crossed my mind numerous times over the last 72 Days. I always shoot it down pretty quickly whenever that little voice brings it up because I have been down that road before more than once. Don't get me wrong, I would love to able to have a cigar again some day. But, I know I can't have that one unless I am willing to go back full bore to being a slave to nicotine. Because that is what has happened to me in the past every time I have decided to have just one.

It starts off slow in the beginning. Just one chew with your buddies while you are out fishing. You don't feel any kind of withdrawal after that one so after awhile you convince yourself you can have another when you want because you obviously don't have a problem. Pretty soon you buy your own can. You are still just having one every once in awhile, but then it becomes just when you mow the lawn. Then you add in just when you are taking a long drive. Next thing you know you are also having a chew after lunch every day. That is how it starts. Then one day you find yourself taking 30 minute shits every day just so you can lock yourself in the bathroom to get your nicotine fix without your wife knowing you caved again. And there you are! Back to a can a day addiction again!

I am writing this down now so that I can read it again in the future. I am happy right now. I do not want to be a slave to nicotine ever again. It is not worth it to ever try to have just one. I cannot allow myself to listen to that little voice. I have proven time and time again that I can't have just one because I am an addict.

I am happy right now....................Today.

And today is all that matters. I know that I will not have a chew today because I made a promise. I will worry about tomorrow when tomorrow becomes today.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: eric71 on March 20, 2018, 06:40:00 AM
Quote from: Kybo
Quote from: Kybo
Day 69

I think I have emerged from the funk I have been in for the last week. I was a little worried that March Madness would be a huge trigger and would cause me some grief, but I had no issues on Day 1 of the tourney. I took the day off of work yesterday to get some more clearing done on my property since the barn guys are supposed to start next week. Used some Bacc Off while I was running the chainsaw and brush cutter and that seemed to stop me from even thinking about chew for the day. Would have been a great day had the oil filler cap not stripped out on the saw. I had to hold the saw sideways to keep all the oil from leaking out. I didn't have any problems cutting the trees down, but I couldn't do a decent job cutting to manageable links because I had to hold the saw sideways. It ended up cutting my day a little short and I just went inside and watched some basketball. I am going to try to find a replacement cap today while I am on lunch and I will pick up an extra chain as well.

It dawned on me last night that here I am at Day 69 and if this is the best it ever gets I am OK with that. I hear the vets saying all the time that "it gets better." But, I seriously realized last night that I am OK with how it is right now. I am not going to complain if it keeps getting better, but life ain't so bad right now. I still find myself thinking about chew quite a bit, but I can't really call it a craving. It is more like my subconscious is still trying to romanticize tobacco every chance it gets, but it doesn't put near the effort into it any more because it knows I am not going to budge. I honestly think I crave cigars more than I crave chew and I was never a huge cigar smoker. I maybe smoked a few dozen cigars a year before I gave up tobacco. This is a battle that I feel pretty good about winning.

I feel great physically. I started dieting a few days ago and I think I am already starting to feel a difference. I feel like my appetite has already returned to normal and I am eating a ton better. I have continued with my treadmill work and I have now done my first two days of upper body. In addition to that, I am still busting my ass to clear some trees and brush from the back of my property which is a hell of a workout by itself. I know exercise has played a huge roll in making this quit easier for me. If you are still in the early days of trying to quit I strongly advise you to start exercising.

The only physical issue I have right now is that it feels like my mouth is watering all the time. I didn't notice this problem until about a week ago which is when I started cutting back on the fake chew. Now, I find myself spitting constantly even when I don't have anything in my mouth. I feel like Pavlov's dog probably would have felt if the bell somehow got stuck in ring mode. I chewed tobacco for so long that I can't honestly remember if my mouth watered like this before I started chewing, or not. And I never noticed my mouth watering like this when I was using tobacco, but I usually had a dip in my mouth if it was possible to have one. So, I'm not sure what is normal and what is not. Of course, this all could just be another psychological trick that the nic bitch is trying to use on me to make me miss her. Who the fuck knows? If the problem persists I will ask my doctor the next time I see him. Until then, I will keep quitting one day at a time. This too shall pass.

I know there wasn't much interesting in this post today. I am sorry if you read it from start to finish. Just a little more therapy for my addict brain. I quit with you today!
Day 72

I have seen some discussions on KTC over the last several weeks where some members have talked about reevaluating their desire/need to quit after a period of time. I haven't read anything where anyone was actively planning to start using tobacco again, but I have seen some discussions where people were leaving the door open to at least consider the possibility of maybe having a cigar or a chew somewhere down the line. Maybe after 100 Days, maybe after a year, or maybe after reaching the comma club. It was just a few discussions here and there and nobody was saying they thought it was a good idea. But, it was enough to get me thinking about the subject.

I will admit this "reevaluation" has crossed my mind numerous times over the last 72 Days. I always shoot it down pretty quickly whenever that little voice brings it up because I have been down that road before more than once. Don't get me wrong, I would love to able to have a cigar again some day. But, I know I can't have that one unless I am willing to go back full bore to being a slave to nicotine. Because that is what has happened to me in the past every time I have decided to have just one.

It starts off slow in the beginning. Just one chew with your buddies while you are out fishing. You don't feel any kind of withdrawal after that one so after awhile you convince yourself you can have another when you want because you obviously don't have a problem. Pretty soon you buy your own can. You are still just having one every once in awhile, but then it becomes just when you mow the lawn. Then you add in just when you are taking a long drive. Next thing you know you are also having a chew after lunch every day. That is how it starts. Then one day you find yourself taking 30 minute shits every day just so you can lock yourself in the bathroom to get your nicotine fix without your wife knowing you caved again. And there you are! Back to a can a day addiction again!

I am writing this down now so that I can read it again in the future. I am happy right now. I do not want to be a slave to nicotine ever again. It is not worth it to ever try to have just one. I cannot allow myself to listen to that little voice. I have proven time and time again that I can't have just one because I am an addict.

I am happy right now....................Today.

And today is all that matters. I know that I will not have a chew today because I made a promise. I will worry about tomorrow when tomorrow becomes today.
What follows is not a direct message to you, but rather, to those who want to believe they are smarter than the system:

When the door is shut, it closes a chapter in your life. Don't go back and try to edit it. There is no open door policy for quitting nicotine. Those who discuss quitting in this manner are not quitters. They have just stopped for a period of time. Leaving yourself the opportunity to go back to the chains of addiction is setting yourself up for failure. They miss the entire, singular point of quitting. It means no more, not for any reason, ever. Quit fantasizing about nicotine. What the fuck is wrong with you? Was the effort and commitment of your quit so meaningless that you would choose to give it all away for a few moments of the past? Would you give up all the work and effort you put into your marriage to go fuck a prostitute because she was right there and it was half off Tuesday? Get a grip on your quit. You are done with nicotine, move on!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 20, 2018, 08:46:00 AM
Quote from: Eric71
Quote from: Kybo
Quote from: Kybo
Day 69

I think I have emerged from the funk I have been in for the last week. I was a little worried that March Madness would be a huge trigger and would cause me some grief, but I had no issues on Day 1 of the tourney. I took the day off of work yesterday to get some more clearing done on my property since the barn guys are supposed to start next week. Used some Bacc Off while I was running the chainsaw and brush cutter and that seemed to stop me from even thinking about chew for the day. Would have been a great day had the oil filler cap not stripped out on the saw. I had to hold the saw sideways to keep all the oil from leaking out. I didn't have any problems cutting the trees down, but I couldn't do a decent job cutting to manageable links because I had to hold the saw sideways. It ended up cutting my day a little short and I just went inside and watched some basketball. I am going to try to find a replacement cap today while I am on lunch and I will pick up an extra chain as well.

It dawned on me last night that here I am at Day 69 and if this is the best it ever gets I am OK with that. I hear the vets saying all the time that "it gets better." But, I seriously realized last night that I am OK with how it is right now. I am not going to complain if it keeps getting better, but life ain't so bad right now. I still find myself thinking about chew quite a bit, but I can't really call it a craving. It is more like my subconscious is still trying to romanticize tobacco every chance it gets, but it doesn't put near the effort into it any more because it knows I am not going to budge. I honestly think I crave cigars more than I crave chew and I was never a huge cigar smoker. I maybe smoked a few dozen cigars a year before I gave up tobacco. This is a battle that I feel pretty good about winning.

I feel great physically. I started dieting a few days ago and I think I am already starting to feel a difference. I feel like my appetite has already returned to normal and I am eating a ton better. I have continued with my treadmill work and I have now done my first two days of upper body. In addition to that, I am still busting my ass to clear some trees and brush from the back of my property which is a hell of a workout by itself. I know exercise has played a huge roll in making this quit easier for me. If you are still in the early days of trying to quit I strongly advise you to start exercising.

The only physical issue I have right now is that it feels like my mouth is watering all the time. I didn't notice this problem until about a week ago which is when I started cutting back on the fake chew. Now, I find myself spitting constantly even when I don't have anything in my mouth. I feel like Pavlov's dog probably would have felt if the bell somehow got stuck in ring mode. I chewed tobacco for so long that I can't honestly remember if my mouth watered like this before I started chewing, or not. And I never noticed my mouth watering like this when I was using tobacco, but I usually had a dip in my mouth if it was possible to have one. So, I'm not sure what is normal and what is not. Of course, this all could just be another psychological trick that the nic bitch is trying to use on me to make me miss her. Who the fuck knows? If the problem persists I will ask my doctor the next time I see him. Until then, I will keep quitting one day at a time. This too shall pass.

I know there wasn't much interesting in this post today. I am sorry if you read it from start to finish. Just a little more therapy for my addict brain. I quit with you today!
Day 72

I have seen some discussions on KTC over the last several weeks where some members have talked about reevaluating their desire/need to quit after a period of time. I haven't read anything where anyone was actively planning to start using tobacco again, but I have seen some discussions where people were leaving the door open to at least consider the possibility of maybe having a cigar or a chew somewhere down the line. Maybe after 100 Days, maybe after a year, or maybe after reaching the comma club. It was just a few discussions here and there and nobody was saying they thought it was a good idea. But, it was enough to get me thinking about the subject.

I will admit this "reevaluation" has crossed my mind numerous times over the last 72 Days. I always shoot it down pretty quickly whenever that little voice brings it up because I have been down that road before more than once. Don't get me wrong, I would love to able to have a cigar again some day. But, I know I can't have that one unless I am willing to go back full bore to being a slave to nicotine. Because that is what has happened to me in the past every time I have decided to have just one.

It starts off slow in the beginning. Just one chew with your buddies while you are out fishing. You don't feel any kind of withdrawal after that one so after awhile you convince yourself you can have another when you want because you obviously don't have a problem. Pretty soon you buy your own can. You are still just having one every once in awhile, but then it becomes just when you mow the lawn. Then you add in just when you are taking a long drive. Next thing you know you are also having a chew after lunch every day. That is how it starts. Then one day you find yourself taking 30 minute shits every day just so you can lock yourself in the bathroom to get your nicotine fix without your wife knowing you caved again. And there you are! Back to a can a day addiction again!

I am writing this down now so that I can read it again in the future. I am happy right now. I do not want to be a slave to nicotine ever again. It is not worth it to ever try to have just one. I cannot allow myself to listen to that little voice. I have proven time and time again that I can't have just one because I am an addict.

I am happy right now....................Today.

And today is all that matters. I know that I will not have a chew today because I made a promise. I will worry about tomorrow when tomorrow becomes today.
What follows is not a direct message to you, but rather, to those who want to believe they are smarter than the system:

When the door is shut, it closes a chapter in your life. Don't go back and try to edit it. There is no open door policy for quitting nicotine. Those who discuss quitting in this manner are not quitters. They have just stopped for a period of time. Leaving yourself the opportunity to go back to the chains of addiction is setting yourself up for failure. They miss the entire, singular point of quitting. It means no more, not for any reason, ever. Quit fantasizing about nicotine. What the fuck is wrong with you? Was the effort and commitment of your quit so meaningless that you would choose to give it all away for a few moments of the past? Would you give up all the work and effort you put into your marriage to go fuck a prostitute because she was right there and it was half off Tuesday? Get a grip on your quit. You are done with nicotine, move on!
When I first started seriously thinking about giving up tobacco I decided to make a "Pros and Cons" list. I already knew I was going to attempt to quit, but I thought the list would help solidify the decision. I am not going to bore everyone with the items on that list but I will tell you that the items on the Con side of tobacco use were rolling off my lips as soon as I put pen to paper. And I seriously found myself struggling to come up with any legitimate items to put on the Pros side.

In the end, I had two items on the Pro side of tobacco use and they were both ridiculous in my opinion. One was that I liked the taste of Grizzly Fine Cut Natural and the taste of a fine cigar, and the other was that it was a shared activity with my friends. The Cons list was so long that I found it ridiculous that I even bothered spending the time to try to think of something to put on the Pros side. Seriously...........

Why the fuck would I ever consider using tobacco again? OK, I will answer that question because I think there really is only one acceptable answer.

The only way I would ever consider using tobacco again is if some scientist comes up with a new strain of tobacco that has zero negative impacts on my health. And because I have serious trust issues, I probably wouldn't believe the scientist and would stay away from the new tobacco anyway. Right now that is the only thing I can think of that could make me even remotely think about chewing tobacco or smoking a cigar again. Yes, I like the taste of Grizzly Fine Cut Natural very much. But, I can live without it. I can come up with no other reason that would make me want to crack open that door again.

I totally understand that stopping the romanticizing of tobacco use can be a real challenge. For the rest of my life I am sure I will always associate fishing/hunting/mowing the grass/sitting by a campfire/road trips/etc with chewing tobacco. But, here I am at 73 Days in and I have already proven to myself that I can enjoy every one of those things just as much without that cancer causing fatty in my lip. Yeah, that little voice still tries to talk to me every once in awhile. But, I just decided to stop listening.

I have no plans to ever reevaluate my desire/need to quit. I made the decision I made for a lot of very good reasons. The most important reason of all being that I just wanted to quit. I am done with tobacco controlling my life. I have turned that page and started a new chapter. And I am very hopeful this book will have a happy ending.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on March 21, 2018, 05:32:00 PM
Proud to quit with you man.....I did my Intro earlier thus week...feeling great at day 67. ODAT
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Dundippin on March 22, 2018, 10:05:00 AM
Kybo,
It looks like you are going strong on your quit.

I like how you are journaling your journey. It will help you and many others.

I thought I would share some of the wisdom I have gained.

The main way to be successful is to just decide that you have quit. Once you stop the negotiating in your head as to whether you will do one more or not the rest becomes far more simple.

Next, you will learn to distract your attention from your desire for a dip to anything else that interests you. This ability to change your focus will guarantee your success and make your quit that much easier.

When you place a dip in your mouth, your brain releases sugars. Well, those sugars are now going to be gone.

However, you can replace them with OJ or other fruit juices with sugar. This will provide some comfort, especially on your initial quit days.

Make sure to exercise with weights and cardio when you feel that nagging tension in your muscles, you feel that rage, when you can not sleep and when you cannot focus. Exercise really helps.

Here is one that most people overlook. Get at least 3 square meals a day. Hunger can really bring on those urges so squash those urges before they come. Eat full healthy meals and do not let yourself get excessively hungry. You will see this helps a great deal.

I waited until I was 59 quit after using tobacco for 40 years. You are wise to quit now.

I quit with you today.

Dundippin day 920
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 22, 2018, 10:49:00 AM
Quote from: dundippin
Kybo,
It looks like you are going strong on your quit.

I like how you are journaling your journey. It will help you and many others.

I thought I would share some of the wisdom I have gained.

The main way to be successful is to just decide that you have quit. Once you stop the negotiating in your head as to whether you will do one more or not the rest becomes far more simple.

Next, you will learn to distract your attention from your desire for a dip to anything else that interests you. This ability to change your focus will guarantee your success and make your quit that much easier.

When you place a dip in your mouth, your brain releases sugars. Well, those sugars are now going to be gone.

However, you can replace them with OJ or other fruit juices with sugar. This will provide some comfort, especially on your initial quit days.

Make sure to exercise with weights and cardio when you feel that nagging tension in your muscles, you feel that rage, when you can not sleep and when you cannot focus. Exercise really helps.

Here is one that most people overlook. Get at least 3 square meals a day. Hunger can really bring on those urges so squash those urges before they come. Eat full healthy meals and do not let yourself get excessively hungry. You will see this helps a great deal.

I waited until I was 59 quit after using tobacco for 40 years. You are wise to quit now.

I quit with you today.

Dundippin day 920
dundippin,

Thanks for posting this on my Intro. I read your advice awhile back somewhere else that you had it posted and it really did help me. I have been on the exercise from Day 1 but your info on the sugar was appreciated. I have been tearing through OJ and pineapple juice for the last month and I do think it has helped me. Distracting myself with little projects has also gotten me thru some rough times. Thank you for taking the time to help guide the rest of us down the path. I know the words of wisdom from you and others has definitely helped keep me from getting lost along the way.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on March 22, 2018, 11:05:00 AM
Quote from: Kybo
Still Day 60.

Doofus just posted that he was able to lose 50 pounds in 3 months on the Keto diet with exercise. I am going to look into this Keto diet a little more. The only thing that looks like it would be a major problem for me would be giving up beer. But, it would be worth it if I could lose 25 pounds in 3 months. I had a salad and a glass of water for lunch today. I think I will read up on Keto after I get off the treadmill this evening.

Still no sign of Preston today. He will be MIQ after today. Bummer. But, I did stumble onto a new quitter today in General Discussion and help him find his way to the June 18' Pre HOF page. So, it looks like we lost one and gained another in the battle against big tobacco.
My diet and exercise regime has been my distraction....instead of obsessing about tobacco, Ive applied myself to health and wellness....I figured if I pursue health and wellness as hard as my addiction to nicotine, I'll be Better off...It's working.....warning, all that money saved? Lose a lot of weight and it goes right back into new clothes, lol.....nice problem to have, but not a budget saver. Cured all my blood issues, off all medications....high blood pressure, cholesterol, sugars all normal now....doctor almost shit himself
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 23, 2018, 08:12:00 AM
"............welcoming the challenge my former self has presented me with." -- Mack213


I don't have anything to post in here this morning. I just wanted to share the snippet of a quote (above) that I read on Mack213's Intro page this morning. I found it to be a bit inspirational.

We need to "welcome the challenge" every day if we want to be successful. I hadn't really thought about it in those terms, but I have been welcoming the challenge every single day without even realizing it. I don't dread my day when I wake up any more. I am completely beyond that at 76 days. At this point in time I see staying quit as a form of competition between me and the nic bitch. And I am a competitive MoFo. Hell, I don't even let my kids win at board games.

So, yeah. I do welcome the challenge every damn day. And I welcome it with a big fucking smile on my face. And from now on I think I will start every day by saying out loud, "Game on, bitch!"
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 27, 2018, 08:41:00 AM
80 Days

I am still rolling along, but the last few days haven't been great. I got the news on Saturday that another one of my friends only has a few days left on earth. He was diagnosed with cancer on March 10th and now the doctors don't think he will make it to April. Mike and I haven't been close since we were in high school and college, but we still consider ourselves to be friends. This news totally sucks. He is 49 years old and has a wife and 2 kids. Mike will be the second guy I consider a friend to leave this earth since I gave up tobacco. It is certainly depressing.

On a brighter note, I have another friend that informed me yesterday that he is going to try to give up chew. Today is his Day 2. If he manages to stay quit that will make a total of 4 of us that spend a lot of time together that have given up the nic bitch. Steve has been quit for over 10 years, Bobby is almost to a year, I am almost to 3 months and now Brett is trying to join us. It is so much easier to quit if you are around other people that are quitting every day too.

I have now gone 8 straight days without the fake chew. I am not going to lie, it has been pretty difficult to give up. I am still carrying an emergency can of Smoky Mountain with me in case I have a ridiculous craving, but I think I am over needing the fake stuff.

And that is the roller coaster that I have been on.

I started chewing when I was a kid. Almost 35 years ago when I was young and dumb. Way back when I thought I was invincible. Now I find myself looking around and I am starting to see the herd getting a little thinner. Those guys used to be young and dumb too. They used to think they were invincible..............................

UPDATE:

Mikey died about 4 hours after I originally posted this entry this morning. 17 days after he was diagnosed with cancer.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: eric71 on March 28, 2018, 07:30:00 AM
Quote from: Kybo
80 Days

I am still rolling along, but the last few days haven't been great. I got the news on Saturday that another one of my friends only has a few days left on earth. He was diagnosed with cancer on March 10th and now the doctors don't think he will make it to April. Mike and I haven't been close since we were in high school and college, but we still consider ourselves to be friends. This news totally sucks. He is 49 years old and has a wife and 2 kids. Mike will be the second guy I consider a friend to leave this earth since I gave up tobacco. It is certainly depressing.

On a brighter note, I have another friend that informed me yesterday that he is going to try to give up chew. Today is his Day 2. If he manages to stay quit that will make a total of 4 of us that spend a lot of time together that have given up the nic bitch. Steve has been quit for over 10 years, Bobby is almost to a year, I am almost to 3 months and now Brett is trying to join us. It is so much easier to quit if you are around other people that are quitting every day too.

I have now gone 8 straight days without the fake chew. I am not going to lie, it has been pretty difficult to give up. I am still carrying an emergency can of Smoky Mountain with me in case I have a ridiculous craving, but I think I am over needing the fake stuff.

And that is the roller coaster that I have been on.

I started chewing when I was a kid. Almost 35 years ago when I was young and dumb. Way back when I thought I was invincible. Now I find myself looking around and I am starting to see the herd getting a little thinner. Those guys used to be young and dumb too. They used to think they were invincible..............................

UPDATE:

Mikey died about 4 hours after I originally posted this entry this morning. 17 days after he was diagnosed with cancer.
Sorry for your loss brother. Life offers no reprieve. Thoughts and prayers with you today.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 29, 2018, 01:33:00 PM
Nothing to see in today's post. Just a few ramblings from my sleep deprived mind.

There has been a lot of really deep discussions on various forums at KTC over the last few days. I am talking about the good stuff that makes you look deep in your soul and think about who you are, what you are doing, and where you want to go. One of the topics that I have seen discussed in a few different places are variations of the theme “why KTC works or what KTC means to me.” At first glance these two things may seem completely different, but I would argue they are one and the same for most of the addicts using KTC to strengthen their quit.

As I lay wide awake last night staring at the ceiling and thinking about all the words of wisdom I have garnered from KTC in the last couple months, I found myself thinking about why KTC works for me. And I just kept coming back to one of my favorite quotes. I have never thought about this quote before from an addictÂ’s perspective, but after last night I will probably never think of it in any other way again.

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it” George Santayana

Perhaps George Santayana was a recovering addict himself. It sure sounds like he knew a thing or two about the subject. I can't tell you how many times I have failed in my attempts to quit in the past because I let myself forget just how addicted I am to the nicotine bitch.

George Santayana (1863-1952) was a Spanish born American author and philosopher. It is believed the above quote originated with George, but I have seen some sources that think the quote pre dates George by a few years. For me, it doesnÂ’t really matter who said it first. The words of wisdom contained in the quote should be something memorized by every single addict that is working on recovery. Because when you truly see those words for what they are, you will understand those eleven words are actually a map that will guide any and all recovering addicts to the elusive treasure we all seek. And that treasure is none other than freedom from the chains of addiction.

So, why does KTC work and what does KTC mean to me?

Whether you use KTC to post and ghost roll every day or you fully engorge yourself with gallons and gallons of the kool aid, the successful recovering addict is using KTC to remember their past. They may not consciously realize what they are doing, but they are keeping their addiction front and center in their thoughts every time they visit KTC. By doing this, they are lessening the chance they will repeat their past failures. The daily ritual of visiting KTC keeps us from forgetting that we are addicts. It stops complacency dead in her tracks. And thus it keeps us from falling back down the rabbit hole we call addiction. For some people, simply visiting and posting roll every day is enough. Others may need to interact a little more. And still others may need to completely submerge themselves in the refreshing waters of brotherhood. Every one of us is different and every one of us is the same. Some need the phone calls and the accountability, others just need a safe place to read and reflect.

KTC may mean different things to different people. But, it also means the same thing to all of us. I will never forget where I have been, and I will never forget why I left. That is the pledge I silently make to myself every morning when I post roll call in April ‘18. Because I know if I ever let myself forget that I am an addict I will soon find myself on my proverbial knees again suckling at the teat of Big Tobacco.

I will leave KTC some day. I know I will. It is just human nature to get bored with your surroundings and go out and seek a change of environment. I have no idea when that day will come, but I know it will come. I honestly donÂ’t see myself still posting roll at 100% five years from now. Maybe not even this time next year. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I made my promise this morning and I will worry about tomorrow when it becomes today. But when I do leave I will leave with the knowledge that I have gained while I was here. And I will never let myself forget because I do not want to repeat my past.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Athan on March 30, 2018, 06:06:00 AM
There are times a man is unaware of the ripples he creates in the fabric of life. Perhaps this is the case more often than not. I write this as you don't know how often I come to read your posts for inspiration as I'm sure others do. You're not very outspoken in April, just a quiet presence. Here you skillfully and articulately chronicle the battle and some of life's other issues. It is inspiring and edifying to read. I'm even disappointed on days you don't add to it. Thought I'd write and let you know. And to say thank-you. I hope you stick around.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: worktowin on March 30, 2018, 07:27:00 AM
Quote from: Kybo
Nothing to see in today's post. Just a few ramblings from my sleep deprived mind.

There has been a lot of really deep discussions on various forums at KTC over the last few days. I am talking about the good stuff that makes you look deep in your soul and think about who you are, what you are doing, and where you want to go. One of the topics that I have seen discussed in a few different places are variations of the theme “why KTC works or what KTC means to me.” At first glance these two things may seem completely different, but I would argue they are one and the same for most of the addicts using KTC to strengthen their quit.

As I lay wide awake last night staring at the ceiling and thinking about all the words of wisdom I have garnered from KTC in the last couple months, I found myself thinking about why KTC works for me. And I just kept coming back to one of my favorite quotes. I have never thought about this quote before from an addictÂ’s perspective, but after last night I will probably never think of it in any other way again.

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it” George Santayana

Perhaps George Santayana was a recovering addict himself. It sure sounds like he knew a thing or two about the subject. I can't tell you how many times I have failed in my attempts to quit in the past because I let myself forget just how addicted I am to the nicotine bitch.

George Santayana (1863-1952) was a Spanish born American author and philosopher. It is believed the above quote originated with George, but I have seen some sources that think the quote pre dates George by a few years. For me, it doesnÂ’t really matter who said it first. The words of wisdom contained in the quote should be something memorized by every single addict that is working on recovery. Because when you truly see those words for what they are, you will understand those eleven words are actually a map that will guide any and all recovering addicts to the elusive treasure we all seek. And that treasure is none other than freedom from the chains of addiction.

So, why does KTC work and what does KTC mean to me?

Whether you use KTC to post and ghost roll every day or you fully engorge yourself with gallons and gallons of the kool aid, the successful recovering addict is using KTC to remember their past. They may not consciously realize what they are doing, but they are keeping their addiction front and center in their thoughts every time they visit KTC. By doing this, they are lessening the chance they will repeat their past failures. The daily ritual of visiting KTC keeps us from forgetting that we are addicts. It stops complacency dead in her tracks. And thus it keeps us from falling back down the rabbit hole we call addiction. For some people, simply visiting and posting roll every day is enough. Others may need to interact a little more. And still others may need to completely submerge themselves in the refreshing waters of brotherhood. Every one of us is different and every one of us is the same. Some need the phone calls and the accountability, others just need a safe place to read and reflect.

KTC may mean different things to different people. But, it also means the same thing to all of us. I will never forget where I have been, and I will never forget why I left. That is the pledge I silently make to myself every morning when I post roll call in April ‘18. Because I know if I ever let myself forget that I am an addict I will soon find myself on my proverbial knees again suckling at the teat of Big Tobacco.

I will leave KTC some day. I know I will. It is just human nature to get bored with your surroundings and go out and seek a change of environment. I have no idea when that day will come, but I know it will come. I honestly donÂ’t see myself still posting roll at 100% five years from now. Maybe not even this time next year. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I made my promise this morning and I will worry about tomorrow when it becomes today. But when I do leave I will leave with the knowledge that I have gained while I was here. And I will never let myself forget because I do not want to repeat my past.
I second AthanÂ’s sentiments. You are a great contributor here on ktc. And on the intros.

One day at a time, we quit. 1,923 days ago I thought posting was lame. Waste of time. IÂ’ll do it to HOF. One day at a time I havenÂ’t missed a day. I like my friends here. I like the accountability. No... I need it.

You might be surprised bro. Quitting will change your whole life. Enjoy it, one day at a time.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on March 31, 2018, 12:20:00 PM
Sorry if I confused anyone with my last post. I am not planning on leaving anytime soon. I just didn't transition to that last paragraph very well.

The whole basis of that last paragraph about leaving was just my thoughts on something I read on KTC where people were talking about when/if it would ever be OK to leave KTC. Upon re-reading my whole post this morning I now realize the last paragraph was extremely underdeveloped and totally lacking in explanation.

The whole point I was trying to make is that tomorrow is an unknown. I know myself well enough to understand that someday I will get bored with KTC. And when I do get bored there is a decent chance I might disappear from the site. I have no idea when or if that will ever happen. As of right now I plan on being here for the long haul. I do not want to repeat my past. I do not want to fail again. We will see where I am tomorrow, and then the next day, and then the next day.............................
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on March 31, 2018, 07:04:00 PM
I also second the notion that your journal is inspiring. I have taken a page from your book and made journal entries on my Intro. Although not as articulately as you do.

Proud to quit with you today.

I've found Day 60 to 77 challenging to say the least. ODAAT.

PS- KETO and exercise is really working for me.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on April 02, 2018, 08:51:00 AM
Quote from: Doofus
I also second the notion that your journal is inspiring. I have taken a page from your book and made journal entries on my Intro. Although not as articulately as you do.

Proud to quit with you today.

I've found Day 60 to 77 challenging to say the least. ODAAT.

PS- KETO and exercise is really working for me.
I don't consider myself to be very articulate. But, I do appreciate the sentiment.

I find the journal aspect of my intro to be extremely therapeutic. And I also find reading other people's journals to be very therapeutic. I try to read a handful of other people's journal entries every day.

I am just now starting to experiment with the Keto diet a little myself. But, I have cut my calories way back and I am exercising about 10 hours a week right now. I am hoping to pick up on the hours as soon as it starts getting warmer outside. Still pretty cold where I live. We got 4 inches of snow last night.

I hit a funk around Day 60 that lasted for about a week. It wasn't terrible, but I just had a lack of energy and motivation.

ODAAT
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on April 02, 2018, 08:56:00 AM
Day 86

The mystery as to what I am going to spend all of the money on that I saved by not purchasing chew has been solved. For weeks I thought I might buy a drone, night vision monocle or a rear tine tiller. But then on Friday morning I walked into a mom and pop hardware store and saw the Broil King XL Smoke with a giant 50% Off Floor Model Clearance Sale sign stuck on it. Mystery solved. I was going to wait until 100 days before I spent that money but I couldnÂ’t pass up the opportunity to get the Broil King.

This past weekend was a pretty big deal for me. I would call it a moderate victory.

My wife and kids went to the in-laws and left me home alone for 48 hours. In the past, that would have meant a weekend of smoking cigars, drinking beer and slamming cans of chew. The old me would have probably gone through 3 or 4 cans of chew, a handful of cigars and at least a case of beer. The new me didnÂ’t do any of those things. Instead, I worked on a few projects during the day and read a book in the evenings. I even walked down to the pond on Friday night and made a few casts. Sure, I thought about chew and cigars a handful of times, but I never seriously considered buying either. I won the weekend and it wasnÂ’t that difficult.

I seem to have overcome most of my triggers. The one I am still struggling with is kind of weird. I can drive all over the place for hours at a time and have zero problems. But, for some reason I think about chew almost non-stop if I just have to drive into town by myself to pick up one or two items. In the past, I was always volunteering to run into town and pick up things for my wife so that I could have that one big chew for 30 minutes. But now that I am tobacco free that quick run into town makes my salivary glands fire on all cylinders the whole way to the store and back. Nothing that is going to cause me to cave. Just one of those things that is hard to explain.

I am a visual guy. I donÂ’t know why, but I always have a mental picture for everything. Since I quit tobacco I have been thinking about Nicotine and visualizing it as a person. But, not just any person. No, the image I have in my head for Nicotine is that of Kate Upton. I have no fucking idea why I keep seeing her as Nicotine, but Kate is making it very difficult for me to develop the hatred for Nicotine that I want and need. I have seriously been trying to train my brain to see Skeletor, but so far Kate is all I see. I vaguely think I remember a discussion in April Â’18 way back where people were talking about Kate Upton. I donÂ’t know for sure if this was the seed that caused my dilemma, or not. But, it sure does cause me trouble when Nicotine comes calling and I try to visualize myself beating the shit out of Kate Upton with a tire iron. So far it is still working, but it would be a lot easier if I was seeing SkeletorÂ’s brains splattering the wall instead of KateÂ’s.

We are still losing a few members here and there from our April Â’18 group even as we find ourselves approaching the 100 Day mark. Big E just celebrated 100 Days yesterday. I find myself thinking a lot about the last time I tried to quit and failed after over two years of being tobacco free. That was over ten years ago, but it seems like it was a lifetime ago. I can remember that something very stressful happened at work and I felt like I had to go buy a can of chew as a result. I bought the can and had one dip and then proceeded to chew for another ten years. The funny thing is that I canÂ’t even remember what that stressful event at work was. In fact, I have no fucking clue. Looking back I realize that I wasnÂ’t ready to quit at the time. My addict brain was just looking for an excuse and my resolve wasnÂ’t strong enough. Things are different now.

Things are much different now.

IQWYT
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on April 04, 2018, 07:41:00 AM
Day 88

Fucking storm tore the roof off of my brand new not even finished yet barn last night. Then I had to lay there the rest of the night and listen to the wind slam the loose metal sheets against the still attached sheets. Sounded fucking awful.

But, that is still the only problem I have this morning. Game on, bitch! IQWYT!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on April 04, 2018, 09:09:00 AM
In light of some of the recent jackassery that I have seen going on in various places over the last few days, I thought it would be a good idea to cut and paste a comment that I made awhile back on someone else's Intro page so that it will be easier for me to find when I need to read it again. There are just some days that I need to remind myself to listen to the message and not pay any attention to the asshat that is typing the words. Today is one of those days.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is no doubt that a psychiatrist could make a career out of analyzing the various personalities on KTC. There are definitely some run of the mill jerks, narcissistic jackasses, and even a few passive aggressive asshats roaming the halls looking to instigate trouble.

I am not going to lie. I have dreamed several times about how awesome it would be to meet some of these people in person and then punch them in the face. But, when you really think about it we aren't all that different from each other. We want to quit tobacco, and we want you to quit tobacco. Successful marriages have been built on less than that. Just because somebody has zero social skills it doesn't necessarily mean they don't have anything important to say. Believe it or not, they are trying to help you.

If you have thin skin maybe it would be better for you if you tried to ignore some of the troublemakers. But, if you do decide to ignore the personalities I would highly recommend you at least listen to the message they are trying to deliver. It might save your life.

Take what you need and leave the rest. One day at a time. I wish you the best and I hope you are successful.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on April 09, 2018, 09:09:00 AM
Day 93

Monday.....

Is it a blessing or a curse that I still find myself thinking about chew every day? I definitely can't say that I am having cravings, but somehow chew finds it's way into my thoughts several times a day. I find it to be extremely annoying, but I also think it helps strengthen my resolve a little bit. I feel like my inability to control my addiction is really what drove me to go cold turkey in the first place. So, as long as my brain keeps thinking about chew every day it is constantly reminding me that I can't have just one without totally losing control again. It really is an interesting dichotomy. I don't want to think about chew, but I am afraid that I will get complacent if I don't think about chew.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Athan on April 09, 2018, 06:37:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
....I feel like my inability to control my addiction is really what drove me to go cold turkey in the first place....



This is what really did it for me in the end; I could no longer tolerate myself for being willfully subservient to an inanimate object. I hope that never leaves me.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on April 09, 2018, 07:05:00 PM
Quote from: Athan
Quote from: Kybo
....I feel like my inability to control my addiction is really what drove me to go cold turkey in the first place....



This is what really did it for me in the end; I could no longer tolerate myself for being willfully subservient to an inanimate object. I hope that never leaves me.
Exactly! It is the fuel that drives me. I never want to forget.

When I first started seriously thinking about quitting I decided that at first I would just cut back and gradually taper my usage down to nothing. I think subconsciously I was hoping that I would discover that I could get to the point where I could control the addiction and still have the occasional chew. I tapered down for roughly a month and suffered physical withdrawals every day during that time. It sucked, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. It made me realize 100% that I was physically addicted to it and I had absolutely zero control over it. I did not like that feeling at all.

I look back now and I am glad I tried to taper down before I went cold turkey. My resolve might not be as strong today if I had done it any other way. I think that attempt to taper really made me take a hard look in the mirror. And what I saw looking back at me really pissed me off.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on April 09, 2018, 09:12:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
Quote from: Athan
Quote from: Kybo
....I feel like my inability to control my addiction is really what drove me to go cold turkey in the first place....



This is what really did it for me in the end; I could no longer tolerate myself for being willfully subservient to an inanimate object. I hope that never leaves me.
Exactly! It is the fuel that drives me. I never want to forget.

When I first started seriously thinking about quitting I decided that at first I would just cut back and gradually taper my usage down to nothing. I think subconsciously I was hoping that I would discover that I could get to the point where I could control the addiction and still have the occasional chew. I tapered down for roughly a month and suffered physical withdrawals every day during that time. It sucked, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. It made me realize 100% that I was physically addicted to it and I had absolutely zero control over it. I did not like that feeling at all.

I look back now and I am glad I tried to taper down before I went cold turkey. My resolve might not be as strong today if I had done it any other way. I think that attempt to taper really made me take a hard look in the mirror. And what I saw looking back at me really pissed me off.
1) what saw in mirror pissed me off
2) all my OCD behaviors...flossing, recycling, 2 tins a day, sometimes 3, 1 dip= full tin, health effects
3) guilt
4) cost....volume of my habit was insane
5) no control, nothing in life has kicked my ass as bad as nicotine

The list for quit goes on and on....the other motivator has been my competitive spirit, I dont like to lose, dont know many people that do.....but KTC presented a winning strategy, one I could not do on my own
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on April 09, 2018, 10:50:00 PM
Quote from: Doofus
Quote from: Kybo
Quote from: Athan
Quote from: Kybo
....I feel like my inability to control my addiction is really what drove me to go cold turkey in the first place....



This is what really did it for me in the end; I could no longer tolerate myself for being willfully subservient to an inanimate object. I hope that never leaves me.
Exactly! It is the fuel that drives me. I never want to forget.

When I first started seriously thinking about quitting I decided that at first I would just cut back and gradually taper my usage down to nothing. I think subconsciously I was hoping that I would discover that I could get to the point where I could control the addiction and still have the occasional chew. I tapered down for roughly a month and suffered physical withdrawals every day during that time. It sucked, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. It made me realize 100% that I was physically addicted to it and I had absolutely zero control over it. I did not like that feeling at all.

I look back now and I am glad I tried to taper down before I went cold turkey. My resolve might not be as strong today if I had done it any other way. I think that attempt to taper really made me take a hard look in the mirror. And what I saw looking back at me really pissed me off.
1) what saw in mirror pissed me off
2) all my OCD behaviors...flossing, recycling, 2 tins a day, sometimes 3, 1 dip= full tin, health effects
3) guilt
4) cost....volume of my habit was insane
5) no control, nothing in life has kicked my ass as bad as nicotine

The list for quit goes on and on....the other motivator has been my competitive spirit, I dont like to lose, dont know many people that do.....but KTC presented a winning strategy, one I could not do on my own
About five years ago my employer went to mandatory direct deposit. My wife about shit when she saw how much money I actually made. I had been skimming cash off of every check for years when I deposited the checks at the bank. She had no idea. Direct deposit put an end to that. After direct deposit started I had to make up all kinds of bullshit to explain why I needed to withdraw so much money every month. Talk about feeling guilty.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on April 10, 2018, 06:59:00 AM
It's pretty amazing how similar all our stories are....total transparency is that nicotine bitch's greatest enemy! Day 87, proud with you today.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: eric71 on April 10, 2018, 08:34:00 AM
Quote from: Doofus
It's pretty amazing how similar all our stories are....total transparency is that nicotine bitch's greatest enemy! Day 87, proud with you today.
Thoughts of chew still enter my mind on occasion. It's okay. I laugh internally and scoff at how desperate and clingy the nic bitch is; such a whore, stealing the lifeblood out of men, fathers, heroes to our children, leaders in our communities. I look down into her big doe eyes, calmly raise my leg, and firmly press my boot into her throat, choking the lifeblood out of her and her poisonous lies. That is how I think of chew now.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on April 10, 2018, 12:00:00 PM
Quote from: Eric71
Quote from: Doofus
It's pretty amazing how similar all our stories are....total transparency is that nicotine bitch's greatest enemy! Day 87, proud with you today.
Thoughts of chew still enter my mind on occasion. It's okay. I laugh internally and scoff at how desperate and clingy the nic bitch is; such a whore, stealing the lifeblood out of men, fathers, heroes to our children, leaders in our communities. I look down into her big doe eyes, calmly raise my leg, and firmly press my boot into her throat, choking the lifeblood out of her and her poisonous lies. That is how I think of chew now.
My preferred method is to visualize myself beating her with a tire iron. It would definitely be easier for me if I didn't see nicotine as a female, but you have to work with the tools you have.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on April 10, 2018, 07:52:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
Quote from: Eric71
Quote from: Doofus
It's pretty amazing how similar all our stories are....total transparency is that nicotine bitch's greatest enemy! Day 87, proud with you today.
Thoughts of chew still enter my mind on occasion. It's okay. I laugh internally and scoff at how desperate and clingy the nic bitch is; such a whore, stealing the lifeblood out of men, fathers, heroes to our children, leaders in our communities. I look down into her big doe eyes, calmly raise my leg, and firmly press my boot into her throat, choking the lifeblood out of her and her poisonous lies. That is how I think of chew now.
My preferred method is to visualize myself beating her with a tire iron. It would definitely be easier for me if I didn't see nicotine as a female, but you have to work with the tools you have.
I visialize dropping an "upper decker in her apartment" during a party, pissing in her shampoo bottles, blowing a load on her face towel and then just walking away to let her enjoy her shit water.....is that wrong? 'oh yeah'
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on April 11, 2018, 08:34:00 AM
BrianG posted the gem below from DeanTheCoot on Athan's intro page yesterday. I just cut and pasted this one paragraph because I swear it is something I could have written myself. I am still working on developing that militant hatred, but the rest of it is me all the way. I do come to KTC every day and watch the struggles of the new guys/gals. I feel sorry for them and happy for them at the same time. It strengthens my quit to watch what they go through. I also see the people that cave and/or just disappear from the site. I feel only sorrow for them. But, they strengthen my quit too.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The nic bitch is the mental version of the Sham Wow fag, you need to turn the fucking channel or put in some ear plugs. Honestly what helped me is finding some other poor deluded addict on his day one and watching him struggle like hell. It was almost sadistic at first. I felt satiatied when they hit the fog and the funk and the headaches and first no sleep then can't sleep enough, and the mouth sores and the fear of cancer. Watching them helped me stay quit because I hated that and won't do it again. I remember being desperate to stop and each night laying in bed thinking tomorrow tomorrow I wont dip. Watching guys cave forces me to remember that and not become complacent with my quit. Then it turned from love of dip and a sense of loss to a militant hatred. You have to cultivate that hate. Watching people struggle today pisses me off, not at them, but at the addiction. It is crazy the toll nic takes on us both mentally and physically. Find some strugglers in the new group and try to shepard them thru to the Hof. Don't get discouraged with yourself if they cave, many will. It will only remind you how far you have come and what you left behind. This will strengthen your quit. If they do make it, sharing the struggle with them will strengthen your quit as well.

Good luck Dean The Quitter
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on April 11, 2018, 06:28:00 PM
So here I am sitting at my youngest daughterÂ’s first outdoor practice of the Spring soccer season. I am pretty sure this will be the first outdoor practice of her life that I wasnÂ’t there with a ninja dip in my mouth. I was a little worried about this being a trigger for me, but it is actually quite the opposite. It is kind of nice to not have to sneak around a tobacco free facility trying to hide the disgusting wad of shit in my mouth. I could totally get used to this!! I call that a win!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Athan on April 12, 2018, 06:47:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
....I think subconsciously I was hoping that I would discover that I could get to the point where I could control the addiction and still have the occasional chew....
I was PLANNING on chewing this summer when I went back home to Texas to see my brothers (got six brothers - feel for you boys that don't have brothers). That was before I joined KTC and had to come to terms with the addiction side of it. I've had YEARS, too many YEARs, of slavery. That's why JGromo destroyed his gransfather's cigar (the most epic of quits). I can't go back. Look at how you hid cans in the mouth of that northern pike, how you found that can in the vacation rental from a previous year! Along the treeline etc. I'm angry that I wasted so much time and health, and $$$$. Wow. had to vent. Had a mild crave this evening and remembered all that...
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on April 13, 2018, 08:38:00 AM
Quote from: Athan
Quote from: Kybo
....I think subconsciously I was hoping that I would discover that I could get to the point where I could control the addiction and still have the occasional chew....
I was PLANNING on chewing this summer when I went back home to Texas to see my brothers (got six brothers - feel for you boys that don't have brothers). That was before I joined KTC and had to come to terms with the addiction side of it. I've had YEARS, too many YEARs, of slavery. That's why JGromo destroyed his gransfather's cigar (the most epic of quits). I can't go back. Look at how you hid cans in the mouth of that northern pike, how you found that can in the vacation rental from a previous year! Along the treeline etc. I'm angry that I wasted so much time and health, and $$$$. Wow. had to vent. Had a mild crave this evening and remembered all that...
Yeah. That "PLANNING" that we were doing early on was just our brain trying to negotiate with the nic bitch. I did the same thing. At first I was just going to cut back, but still have a chew every once in awhile. Then, I was going to just quit for awhile to prove that I was still in control. Next, I was going to quit, but just chew on "special occasions." It only took me about a month of cutting back to realize that I was never going to be in control of my addiction. At that point I knew I was going to have to do all or nothing. I chose to give up the nic bitch completely.

I am like the Federal government now. I no longer negotiate with that terrorist. I just shoot that bad bitch down. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aq344ks1ieg) 'Remshot'

FYI - I am still finding cans. Just found one last week shoved in a rubber boot inside the tool box in the bed of my truck. I don't even remember putting it there.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on April 13, 2018, 09:17:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
Quote from: Athan
Quote from: Kybo
....I think subconsciously I was hoping that I would discover that I could get to the point where I could control the addiction and still have the occasional chew....
I was PLANNING on chewing this summer when I went back home to Texas to see my brothers (got six brothers - feel for you boys that don't have brothers). That was before I joined KTC and had to come to terms with the addiction side of it. I've had YEARS, too many YEARs, of slavery. That's why JGromo destroyed his gransfather's cigar (the most epic of quits). I can't go back. Look at how you hid cans in the mouth of that northern pike, how you found that can in the vacation rental from a previous year! Along the treeline etc. I'm angry that I wasted so much time and health, and $$$$. Wow. had to vent. Had a mild crave this evening and remembered all that...
Yeah. That "PLANNING" that we were doing early on was just our brain trying to negotiate with the nic bitch. I did the same thing. At first I was just going to cut back, but still have a chew every once in awhile. Then, I was going to just quit for awhile to prove that I was still in control. Next, I was going to quit, but just chew on "special occasions." It only took me about a month of cutting back to realize that I was never going to be in control of my addiction. At that point I knew I was going to have to do all or nothing. I chose to give up the nic bitch completely.

I am like the Federal government now. I no longer negotiate with that terrorist. I just shoot that bad bitch down. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aq344ks1ieg) 'Remshot'

FYI - I am still finding cans. Just found one last week shoved in a rubber boot inside the tool box in the bed of my truck. I don't even remember putting it there.
Oh I hear that, fishing season is about to kick off....I already found tins in my gear
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on April 16, 2018, 03:22:00 PM
Day 100

Thanks for the well wishes and congratulations. But, it honestly is just another day to me.

I like the fact that somebody had the bright idea to put the HOF at 100 days because it has an attainable feel to it. But, once you get here you just kind of look around and realize that today isn't any different than yesterday. And it is probably going to feel exactly the same tomorrow. But, I do feel better about tomorrow than I did 99 days ago. And, I feel better now about the possibility of making it a year than I did 3 months ago. So, maybe there is some magic, or maybe even some logic, to that 100 Day Hall of Fame number.

I think I am going to hold off on celebrating for now. It doesn't really feel like I have accomplished anything yet. But, I did do one thing for myself today. I felt like I earned it after 100 days. What did I do you ask?

I finally implemented the "ignore user" function.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: worktowin on April 16, 2018, 03:39:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
Day 100

Thanks for the well wishes and congratulations. But, it honestly is just another day to me.

I like the fact that somebody had the bright idea to put the HOF at 100 days because it has an attainable feel to it. But, once you get here you just kind of look around and realize that today isn't any different than yesterday. And it is probably going to feel exactly the same tomorrow. But, I do feel better about tomorrow than I did 99 days ago. And, I feel better now about the possibility of making it a year than I did 3 months ago. So, maybe there is some magic, or maybe even some logic, to that 100 Day Hall of Fame number.

I think I am going to hold off on celebrating for now. It doesn't really feel like I have accomplished anything yet. But, I did do one thing for myself today. I felt like I earned it after 100 days. What did I do you ask?

I finally implemented the "ignore user" function.
Congratulations, sir. You have a pretty epic quit going on.

One day at a time, there are some great things ahead.

Keep winning.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on April 16, 2018, 03:47:00 PM
Quote from: worktowin
Quote from: Kybo
Day 100

Thanks for the well wishes and congratulations. But, it honestly is just another day to me.

I like the fact that somebody had the bright idea to put the HOF at 100 days because it has an attainable feel to it. But, once you get here you just kind of look around and realize that today isn't any different than yesterday. And it is probably going to feel exactly the same tomorrow. But, I do feel better about tomorrow than I did 99 days ago. And, I feel better now about the possibility of making it a year than I did 3 months ago. So, maybe there is some magic, or maybe even some logic, to that 100 Day Hall of Fame number.

I think I am going to hold off on celebrating for now. It doesn't really feel like I have accomplished anything yet. But, I did do one thing for myself today. I felt like I earned it after 100 days. What did I do you ask?

I finally implemented the "ignore user" function.
Congratulations, sir. You have a pretty epic quit going on.

One day at a time, there are some great things ahead.

Keep winning.
Thank you, sir.

Oh and more thing I forgot to mention in my earlier post. In classic April '18 fashion, I actually got bumped off roll today on my 100th day. That, my friends, put the biggest smile on my face that I have had all day! roflmao
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on May 04, 2018, 03:16:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
Day 93

Monday.....

Is it a blessing or a curse that I still find myself thinking about chew every day? I definitely can't say that I am having cravings, but somehow chew finds it's way into my thoughts several times a day. I find it to be extremely annoying, but I also think it helps strengthen my resolve a little bit. I feel like my inability to control my addiction is really what drove me to go cold turkey in the first place. So, as long as my brain keeps thinking about chew every day it is constantly reminding me that I can't have just one without totally losing control again. It really is an interesting dichotomy. I don't want to think about chew, but I am afraid that I will get complacent if I don't think about chew.




Day 118

I have noticed over the last week, or so, that the only time I really think about chew is when I suddenly realize that I haven't been thinking about chew. I have started noticing that I have been doing the things I used to do with a chew without even thinking about the fact that I used to do them with a chew. I am not sure if that makes sense. I am not sure what to make of this revelation. But, I do think it is worth noting here in my journal. The thoughts are definitely getting fewer and farther in between for me.

I kind of feel like maybe I am not thinking about chew so much because my salivary glands seem to have finally returned to normal. My mouth isn't watering all day or turning into a fountain every time I experience a past trigger. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying I am cured or any other bullshit like that. I just think maybe I have crossed another invisible bridge on the never ending road to recovery. That whole salivary gland issue has definitely been the toughest hurdle for me to clear. And I am happy to say that somewhere around 100 days is when I stopped fixating on my salivary glands every minute of every day. Maybe this has to do with the fact that I finally gave up the fake stuff, or maybe it has to do with my nicotinic acetylcholine receptors finally returning to normal. Or maybe it has to do with the fact that I finally stopped touching my salivary glands every twenty minutes to see if they felt different. Who knows?

It all just might have to do with the fact that I have been extremely busy lately. Things are definitely picking up at work and my younger daughter's Spring soccer season is in full swing. And now that it is finally warming up I also have to find the time to to mow several acres a week and take care of the pond and landscaping. Oh, and now my oldest daughter is home from college which means I have to start working out 3 times a week with her to help her build her strength back up after her ACL surgery.

Maybe I just haven't had the time to think about chew (or anything else for that matter).
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on May 11, 2018, 08:25:00 AM
Proud with you today....no more negotiating with the bitch.....it feels good....was just reading some earlier posts
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on May 14, 2018, 08:07:00 AM
Day 128

Just a few observations.

Man, do I feel good. I have so much more energy than I did six months ago. I can't help wondering if it is just the lack of nicotine/tobacco in my body that is making feel this awesome or if it is the result of all the lifestyle changes combined. I am definitely sleeping better than I have in years. I am eating a whole lot better and I am exercising like a mad man.

I still haven't weighed myself, but I am heading to the store today at lunch to purchase a new belt. I guess my old belt may have finally just stretched out, but the belt I have been wearing for the last year is no longer doing an adequate job of holding up my pants. And I must also say that it is definitely getting easier to button the ballroom jeans every morning.

I have never really been much of a sleeper. Six hours is about all I can hope to achieve on most nights. But, since I quit chewing and started exercising regularly I am now finding that I go to sleep a little earlier in the evening. As a result, I am now routinely getting about seven hours of solid sleep a night. The noticeable downside to this is I am not reading near as often before bed as I used to do. In the past, I used to churn out a couple books a week mostly by reading after everyone else went to bed. That gave me the opportunity to have a big fat chew and read at the same time. Now that I have chosen to live my life without tobacco, I find that reading books just isn't as entertaining for me. I can't say that it bothers me, though.

I will be leaving for my annual trip to the Great White North in 16 days. The thought of trying to make that trip nicotine free scared the shit out of me three months ago. Today, I am not even worried about it. I think I might still have been worried if I didn't feel so fucking incredible. I mean there is just no arguing how much better I feel now. That is all the proof that I need to tell me that I made the right decision.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on May 14, 2018, 08:23:00 AM
I agree, I have not felt this good in decades....all of the above you mention, exercise, better food and sleep, weight loss...30 lbs so far, had to get a new belt, pants altered....whole nine yards....most notable aside from being less fat is sleep.....I sleep like a baby, not like a vampire
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on May 18, 2018, 09:59:00 AM
Day 132

I don't know why I am posting this other than to tell any newbies out there to not lose hope. You can beat this. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and face the battles one day at a time. Anybody can quit for a day. Eventually those days will start stacking up and you will look around and realize that it really does get easier. Everybody is a little different. For me, I noticed definite changes for the better around Day 4, Day 25, Day 68, and Day 100.

Quitting can be depressing. It is not your imagination. Tobacco has chemically altered your brain to make you more dependent . If that doesn't piss you off I don't know what will. I am living proof that you can beat this addiction if you put your mind to it. I chewed tobacco for 35 years and here I am today at 132 days quit and I feel like a million bucks. And it just keeps getting easier. My emotions have returned to normal. I can actually watch a sad movie again without my eyes watering like a prepubescent little girl who just lost her puppy. And I haven't yelled obscenities out the truck window at anybody for a couple of months now. So things are definitely trending upward.

For me, after the first three weeks this whole quit thing has been almost 100% mental. It hasn't really been much of a battle to be honest. I think I have found it to be easier than my past attempts because I truly wanted to quit this time. I believe that is the secret to being successful. You either want to quit , or you don't. If you don't really want to quit you are just going through the motions looking for an excuse to fail. If you truly want to quit you will throat punch that bitch every time she tries to show her face, no matter the circumstances. And I can tell you that I have beat that bitch with a tire iron so many times that she rarely even peaks over the wall when I go outside now.

I have now moved on from the WWI trench style day to day battles that I had with Nicotine to more of a guerilla style conflict with Complacency. Nicotine is still there every day peaking over the trench wall looking for an opportunity for an all out assault. But she has learned the hard way that I am not going to go down without a hell of a fight. So, Nicotine and I have reached a sort of armistice. A kind of mutual respect, if you will. The war isn't over by any means, but we both now understand that neither side is going to give any ground. But now Complacency has also entered the field of battle. Her tactics are quite different from Nicotine. Complacency hovers off in the distance just out of sight. Lurking in the treeline waiting for the opportunity to strike. There is something out there waiting for us, and it ain't no man. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfQzbB14L3U)

Keep your powder dry and your head on a swivel! IQWYT!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on May 23, 2018, 10:32:00 AM
Day 137

I just posted in Big Savings Wednesday and realized that quitting has now saved me over $500. And I actually think the price of Grizzly has jumped up again since I quit, which means I have actually saved more than that.

I leave for the Great White North one week from today! I got the boat out yesterday for the first time this year. She fired right up and ran like a champ.

I bought a new truck yesterday. I went in to the dealer last Thursday to get an oil change and the Sales Manager came up to me in the waiting room and made me a pretty nice offer for my truck. Over the next few days I haggled him down a few more thousand on a new truck. The end result is I got a brand new truck and lowered my monthly payments by $160. Yeah, I only had 2 more years to pay on my old truck, but I would have eventually bought a new one anyway. Plus, I got rid of one of the few remaining triggers that I still had.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Athan on May 23, 2018, 10:55:00 AM
Nice on the new truck Kybo. One that has never nor will ever have tobacco in it! Celebrating vicariously through you...
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: numb on May 28, 2018, 12:15:00 PM
Nice kybo!! KongÂ’s and queens of quit baby!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: numb on May 28, 2018, 12:15:00 PM
Kings and queens of quit!!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on June 11, 2018, 08:38:00 AM
Day 156

I just returned from my annual fishing trip into the Canadian bush. I am not going to lie, the trip turned out to be a lot easier than I thought it would be. I just wasn't sure how my addict brain would handle being surrounded by guys that were chewing every day. That is a trigger that I have managed to avoid for the last five months. As confident as I am in my quit, I still had a little concern that once I was surrounded by chewing tobacco that I might be tempted to have "just one." But, I am proud to say that my experience was quite the opposite. I actually found myself having pity on the guys for still being addicted to the weed. And it turns out that watching other addicts feed their addiction every day seemed to somehow further strengthen my resolve.

On our way to Canada we stopped for the night in a small town in Minnesota. The hotel we stayed in had a small bar. Obviously, we decided to have a few beers in the bar before we hit the sack. The woman that was working the hotel desk was pulling double duty as the bartender. She was probably in her late twenties, quite cute, and was obviously about eight months pregnant. And she was chewing tobacco. That is right. Eight months pregnant and chewing tobacco. Addiction is a powerful thing that is not to be underestimated.

I took 6 cans of the fake stuff with me and never touched it. Didn't chew any gum or seeds or anything else. I found that I didn't need any of it. And you know what? I still had a great time in spite of the horrible fishing weather. I can now check the big one off my list. I have proven that I can enjoy a secluded fishing trip without any form of nicotine.

I will save the rest of my thoughts for another day.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on June 15, 2018, 01:44:00 PM
Random thoughts from Day 160

It is freaking hot outside and I really need to mow grass when I get home today. There are so many things in my life that have improved drastically since I gave up tobacco, but mowing grass isn't one of them. Before I quit, I used to almost look forward to mowing grass because that was a guaranteed 2+ hours that I could be outside "enjoying" a big chew. Now that I have given up tobacco I have come to the realization that I really don't enjoy the heat and dust that is almost always involved with mowing the grass. I was using the fake stuff this Spring when I mowed, but I have since given the fake stuff up too. My mouth feels so much better now and I just don't see the point of the using SM/Bacc-off if I don't need it. And I definitely don't need it anymore. Maybe I just need to buy a bigger and faster mower.

Speaking of being "hot," I think I am going to have to start going shopping at lunch on Fridays more often. The MILF scenery was incredible today at the two stores that I visited on my lunch. 'boob' 'Popcorn'

In about 3 more weeks I will officially be able to say that this is the second longest I have gone without tobacco since I was about 13 years old. I once made it well beyond two years and apparently thought I was "cured" of my addiction because I thought I could have just one without any repercussions. I didn't come to my senses again until about 4,000 cans later on January 7th, 2018. The second longest I have ever made it was just short of 6 months. So, in three more weeks I will be passed 6 months. 'oh yeah'

I have been thinking about whether I should write a HOF speech. Today is Day 160 for me and I still don't really feel like I have accomplished anything worthy of any kind of Hall of Fame. But, the success of my recent Canadian fishing trip has at least got me thinking about it. To me, that trip was the biggest test I have faced so far. And I came home from that trip totally convinced that I could continue to win every day for the rest of my life. Hell, I didn't even entertain the thought of having a chew on that trip. In fact, I was almost repulsed by the fact that I was thinking about how much I didn't want a chew. So, maybe I should write that speech. But, there is another part of me that says it wouldn't be right for me to write a HOF speech until I have at least surpassed the two year mark..
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: worktowin on June 15, 2018, 02:41:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
Random thoughts from Day 160

It is freaking hot outside and I really need to mow grass when I get home today. There are so many things in my life that have improved drastically since I gave up tobacco, but mowing grass isn't one of them. Before I quit, I used to almost look forward to mowing grass because that was a guaranteed 2+ hours that I could be outside "enjoying" a big chew. Now that I have given up tobacco I have come to the realization that I really don't enjoy the heat and dust that is almost always involved with mowing the grass. I was using the fake stuff this Spring when I mowed, but I have since given the fake stuff up too. My mouth feels so much better now and I just don't see the point of the using SM/Bacc-off if I don't need it. And I definitely don't need it anymore. Maybe I just need to buy a bigger and faster mower.

Speaking of being "hot," I think I am going to have to start going shopping at lunch on Fridays more often. The MILF scenery was incredible today at the two stores that I visited on my lunch. 'boob' 'Popcorn'

In about 3 more weeks I will officially be able to say that this is the second longest I have gone without tobacco since I was about 13 years old. I once made it well beyond two years and apparently thought I was "cured" of my addiction because I thought I could have just one without any repercussions. I didn't come to my senses again until about 4,000 cans later on January 7th, 2018. The second longest I have ever made it was just short of 6 months. So, in three more weeks I will be passed 6 months. 'oh yeah'

I have been thinking about whether I should write a HOF speech. Today is Day 160 for me and I still don't really feel like I have accomplished anything worthy of any kind of Hall of Fame. But, the success of my recent Canadian fishing trip has at least got me thinking about it. To me, that trip was the biggest test I have faced so far. And I came home from that trip totally convinced that I could continue to win every day for the rest of my life. Hell, I didn't even entertain the thought of having a chew on that trip. In fact, I was almost repulsed by the fact that I was thinking about how much I didn't want a chew. So, maybe I should write that speech. But, there is another part of me that says it wouldn't be right for me to write a HOF speech until I have at least surpassed the two year mark..
Note to self... go shopping at noon...

Nice intro update dude! Keep winning. It is balls burning hot here too, and tonight I have to mow my grass. Oh well.

Congratulations on 160 days of win...
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on June 24, 2018, 09:39:00 PM
I have to get to Labor Day weekend to break my quit record.....solo quit record. I WONT FEEL RIGHT OR SATISFACTION until I get there...but then it's still ODAAT. I'd still say you've earned a HOF speech.....I say this because this quit feels stronger than anything I've attempted solo before.....stop and smell some roses bro then keep WUPPing.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on June 25, 2018, 08:02:00 AM
Quote from: Doofus
I have to get to Labor Day weekend to break my quit record.....solo quit record. I WONT FEEL RIGHT OR SATISFACTION until I get there...but then it's still ODAAT. I'd still say you've earned a HOF speech.....I say this because this quit feels stronger than anything I've attempted solo before.....stop and smell some roses bro then keep WUPPing.
I agree this quit feels stronger to me too. I think it is a combination of a lot of things, but I have already cleared several hurdles this time around that I firmly believe would have "caused" me to fail in the past. The thing that gives the most hope right now is that I go several hours at a time without even thinking about tobacco. And I am not just talking about when I am laying around watching television. I will go hours doing things that I used to 100% associate with chew and not even think about the fact that I am doing whatever it is without a chew. I am getting to the point where I will almost be done with whatever it is I am doing before I even realize that I just did it without a chew. I mowed grass and weedeated for three hours yesterday and didn't think about chew until I was cleaning off the mower after I was done. And even then, the thought I had was, "Wow, I just spent 3 hours mowing and the thought of chew never entered my mind!"
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on June 25, 2018, 08:44:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
Quote from: Doofus
I have to get to Labor Day weekend to break my quit record.....solo quit record. I WONT FEEL RIGHT OR SATISFACTION until I get there...but then it's still ODAAT. I'd still say you've earned a HOF speech.....I say this because this quit feels stronger than anything I've attempted solo before.....stop and smell some roses bro then keep WUPPing.
I agree this quit feels stronger to me too. I think it is a combination of a lot of things, but I have already cleared several hurdles this time around that I firmly believe would have "caused" me to fail in the past. The thing that gives the most hope right now is that I go several hours at a time without even thinking about tobacco. And I am not just talking about when I am laying around watching television. I will go hours doing things that I used to 100% associate with chew and not even think about the fact that I am doing whatever it is without a chew. I am getting to the point where I will almost be done with whatever it is I am doing before I even realize that I just did it without a chew. I mowed grass and weedeated for three hours yesterday and didn't think about chew until I was cleaning off the mower after I was done. And even then, the thought I had was, "Wow, I just spent 3 hours mowing and the thought of chew never entered my mind!"
Yes, I've fished an all night a few times....normally that would have been to or 3 tins.....I've remarked at the dinner for breakfast....wow, didnt even think about a tin all night.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on July 03, 2018, 11:37:00 PM
Day 178

Last month I went in for my work physical. Everything was going great until the doctor stopped and started looking at a spot on my forearm. He wasn't a dermatologist, but he definitely freaked out when he saw the spot. He wanted to know how long it had been there and if it changed at all over the last few months. It was a fairly new spot and it had been changing ever so slowly. I had already noticed it and was watching it pretty closely, but it wasn't raised or bleeding or anything like that. The doctor told me I needed to see a dermatologist ASAP. I saw the dermatologist two weeks ago today.

The dermatologist also freaked out when she saw the spot. She did a punch biopsy on it (and on another weird spot on my leg) and sent them away to be evaluated. Needless to say, the last two weeks have been pretty stressful for me. I went in today to get the sutures removed and find out the results of the biopsies. The thing on my leg turned out to be benign and nothing to worry about. The spot on my arm turned out to be melanoma in situ. It scared the shit out of me when the words came out of her mouth. In all honesty, my life flashed before my eyes. But then she explained that melanoma in situ is basically stage zero melanoma. It was contained in the epidermis and hasn't spread at all. She wants to excise a bigger portion of my skin to be on the safe side, but she said I will be fine. I will just have a zipper scar on my arm and need to be checked regularly for more melanomas. OK, I can live with that.

She talked me into doing a full body scan while I was there to make sure there wasn't any more suspicious spots on me anywhere. I am not going to go into any of the details, but I will say that I was surprised at how thorough she was in her work. My wife rarely touches my junk that much any more.

I told her about my 35 year addiction to tobacco. So, she did a thorough check of my mouth and told me it all looked good. No sign of anything suspicious. Whew! What a relief.

I go back in a couple more weeks to have the excision done on my arm.

I know someday something is actually going to kill me. But that someday isn't going to be today, and it doesn't look like that something is going to be that spot on my arm. Thursday morning I am going to call the doctor that did my physical and thank him for insisting that I go see a dermatologist. He might have saved my life.

The amazing part of this story is that as much as I was stressed out the last two weeks I never even considered having a chew.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on July 18, 2018, 10:44:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
Day 178

Last month I went in for my work physical. Everything was going great until the doctor stopped and started looking at a spot on my forearm. He wasn't a dermatologist, but he definitely freaked out when he saw the spot. He wanted to know how long it had been there and if it changed at all over the last few months. It was a fairly new spot and it had been changing ever so slowly. I had already noticed it and was watching it pretty closely, but it wasn't raised or bleeding or anything like that. The doctor told me I needed to see a dermatologist ASAP. I saw the dermatologist two weeks ago today.

The dermatologist also freaked out when she saw the spot. She did a punch biopsy on it (and on another weird spot on my leg) and sent them away to be evaluated. Needless to say, the last two weeks have been pretty stressful for me. I went in today to get the sutures removed and find out the results of the biopsies. The thing on my leg turned out to be benign and nothing to worry about. The spot on my arm turned out to be melanoma in situ. It scared the shit out of me when the words came out of her mouth. In all honesty, my life flashed before my eyes. But then she explained that melanoma in situ is basically stage zero melanoma. It was contained in the epidermis and hasn't spread at all. She wants to excise a bigger portion of my skin to be on the safe side, but she said I will be fine. I will just have a zipper scar on my arm and need to be checked regularly for more melanomas. OK, I can live with that.

She talked me into doing a full body scan while I was there to make sure there wasn't any more suspicious spots on me anywhere. I am not going to go into any of the details, but I will say that I was surprised at how thorough she was in her work. My wife rarely touches my junk that much any more.

I told her about my 35 year addiction to tobacco. So, she did a thorough check of my mouth and told me it all looked good. No sign of anything suspicious. Whew! What a relief.

I go back in a couple more weeks to have the excision done on my arm.

I know someday something is actually going to kill me. But that someday isn't going to be today, and it doesn't look like that something is going to be that spot on my arm. Thursday morning I am going to call the doctor that did my physical and thank him for insisting that I go see a dermatologist. He might have saved my life.

The amazing part of this story is that as much as I was stressed out the last two weeks I never even considered having a chew.
Day 193

I had the spot on my forearm excised this morning. They basically cut a four inch long by two inch wide in the middle diamond shape in my skin and it looked like they removed everything all the way down to the muscle. I about shit my pants when the doc dropped what looked like a half inch thick by four inch long walleye fillet into the specimen cup on the table in front of me.

I turned down the offer for a prescription painkiller because I was honestly afraid it might somehow blur my resolve when it comes to my decision to quit tobacco. So, I am going to stick with Tylenol and Ibuprofen. The doc says the pain will subside after a few days. It is a strange pain. I am not sure if the pain is originating from the actual hole in my arm, or from the tightness of the sutures pulling on my skin. They had a really tough time getting that giant crevice closed up and the skin on my forearm is super tight and getting tighter by the hour as the area starts to swell. The doc warned me upfront that it was going to be a battle to suture because my forearm is pretty muscular and the skin was already tight before the surgery.

The highlight of the whole situation for me was when the nurse was prepping me for the surgery. She was making small talk and asked me if I had any kids. I told her I had two daughters, and she told me that I wouldn't be able to toss them up into the air and catch them for a few weeks after the surgery. I laughed and told her that they were both a little too old for that game. I told her my kids were almost 20 and almost 15 years old. The nurse then picked up my chart and checked my date of birth, and then said she would have never believed I was a day over 35. I think she was serious, but who knows? All I can say is that the smile stayed on my face right up until I could smell my flesh burning. Then that shit got real!

Tomorrow will be 194 days quit for me. I am going to wake up and post my promise just like I have every day since I joined KTC 180 some days ago. I just might have to type with only my left hand.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on July 21, 2018, 01:45:00 PM
Try having a prostate biopsy.....had the finger test....thought they felt something.....turned out to be nothing butv3 months of limbo scared me shitless
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on July 23, 2018, 07:43:00 AM
Quote from: Doofus
Try having a prostate biopsy.....had the finger test....thought they felt something.....turned out to be nothing butv3 months of limbo scared me shitless
Ouch! I can't imagine. The waiting is the hardest part.

The last month has been a roller coaster ride for sure. I was stressed as shit for a few weeks over the biopsy. Then the pathology report came back and they told me it was nothing to worry about. Then I went in last week for the excision and the surgeon told me I wasn't out of the woods until the biopsy on the excision was declared clear. I am still waiting to hear back on that.

I obviously haven't been in a great mood lately. But, through it all I am still nicotine free. So I guess I at least have that going for me.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on July 23, 2018, 10:24:00 AM
Yeh, they make you sweat it out....3 months from finger test to prostate core sample result to tell me it's just calcium deposits and totally normal. It's a good wake up call, it happened back in January and had a lot to do with waking my ass up. Literally and figuratively, lol....you will be fine, if first biopsy good then the worse it could be is early stage....the key on melanoma is getting it early.....My father in law did not catch it early and it cost him his life......you are nowhere near that territory, easy for me to say I know but trust me....I learned more about skin cancer through him than I ever needed but those full body scans are life savers.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Skolvikings on July 25, 2018, 12:31:00 PM
Congrats on the second floor brother, you are a rock in April and one Bad Ass Quitter!!!!!

On to 300!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on July 25, 2018, 02:17:00 PM
Clear margins!!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on July 31, 2018, 06:46:00 PM
I'm climbing the stairs!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on August 03, 2018, 03:13:00 PM
Random ramblings on Day 209
--------------------------------------------------------------

I thought the scar on my arm was beginning to look a lot better, then I went to the bank today. I was about 15 feet from the teller when he said, "holy cow, what did you do to your arm?" Obviously I am going to need to come up with a somewhat believable badass story so that I can at least get a little entertainment out of this situation.

Since I have now made it to the 2nd floor I have another $400 to spend on frivolous shit. I spent the first $400 I saved from days 1-100 on a badass BBQ grill/smoker. I am still thinking about buying a drone, but damnit I almost have enough to buy a decent rear tine tiller. I could sure use one of those. But, a drone might be fun.

I really do feel pretty damn good. I can honestly say I haven't had anything I would call an actual crave in six months. Sure, I still think about chew every once in awhile. And occasionally my mouth will just start watering for no damn reason. But that is it. Well worth the price of admission if you ask me.

The weirdest part of my quit is that I have basically lost all interest in reading books. Before I chose to quit I was averaging about 2 books a week. I usually waited until everyone else went to bed and then I would throw in a chew and read until I went to bed. After I gave up chew I stayed away from reading for awhile to avoid the obvious trigger situation. But now I just find that I have zero interest in reading altogether. I would almost rather just sit and stare at a wall. I don't think I have read 2 books in the last 6 months.

I finally found something useful to do with our old iphones. When my family upgraded our phones last year I decided to keep the old phones since there wasn't anything wrong with them. Then last week I stumbled across an app called Presence Video Security. This is a free app that you can download on your old phones via your wifi network that turns your old smartphones into security cameras complete with motion detection and a small amount of free cloud storage. I have to admit that I have been totally impressed and I haven't spent a dime on any of it. I now have an iphone 5/camera set up inside the window next to my front door that covers my porch and all the way down my 200 foot long driveway. The motion detection feature picks up cars almost as soon as they turn into my driveway and sounds a small audible alarm from the phone as well as recording 20 seconds of video and sending me a push notification and an email with a link to the video clip. I also have a phone/camera set up inside a window in the back of the house that covers my barn and part of the pond. The cameras aren't much use at night because they don't have night vision, but they do trigger motion from headlights and flashlights. Plus, you can log into presencepro.com and remotely monitor your cameras whenever you want from an app on your current phone or from any pc. And all of the camera phones run on wifi so you don't need to activate the old phones on a cellular network. It obviously isn't a top of the line home security system, but it is free if you have your old smartphones lying around.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Athan on August 03, 2018, 06:25:00 PM
Man I'm really curious, what's in the mouth of that northern pike now?
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on August 03, 2018, 07:24:00 PM
Quote from: Athan
Man I'm really curious, what's in the mouth of that northern pike now?
I hang a Sammy 100 in the mouth of one and Chatterbait minnow in the mouth of the other one. Those are the lures I caught them on. 'oh yeah'
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on August 20, 2018, 11:44:00 AM
Day 226

Darker Skin Linked to Nicotine Dependence (https://www.wired.com/2009/05/smokingskincolo/)

Stumbled on this article today. I found it interesting, but I thought the conclusion might be a little naive.

The author seems to think the more melanin from environmental sources in your skin, the more predisposed you are to nicotine addiction. He came to this conclusion by measuring the darkness of a person's skin on their foreheads and on their inner arms. The thinking being that the darkness of your inner arm is mostly genetic versus the darkness of your forehead being a combo of genetics and sun exposure. The author found, "the darkness of the forehead was positively correlated to the number of cigarettes smoked per day as well as nicotine dependence, while darkness of the inner arm did not demonstrate this link." So, his conclusion appears to be that the amount of melanin in your skin determines your addiction level to nicotine.

You can read the article for yourself and draw your own conclusions. My first thought when I read the article is that people who work in an office setting aren't going to smoke as many cigarettes as a person who works outside for a living. Common sense would tell you that the guy that works outside is going to have a better opportunity to smoke more cigarettes than the guy that sits in a cubicle 8 hours a day. And, the guy that works outside is also going to get more sun exposure which is going to make his forehead darker. The more nicotine you put into your body the more dependent your body becomes on nicotine.

This study kind of reminds me of the studies in the past that have determined that people that drink diet sodas weigh more on average than people that drink regular sodas. So, the conclusion must be that diet sodas make you overweight. The conclusion couldn't possibly be that people that are already overweight are drinking diet sodas as part of their attempt to lose weight.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Athan on August 21, 2018, 05:16:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
Day 226

Darker Skin Linked to Nicotine Dependence (https://www.wired.com/2009/05/smokingskincolo/)

Stumbled on this article today. I found it interesting, but I thought the conclusion might be a little naive.

The author seems to think the more melanin from environmental sources in your skin, the more predisposed you are to nicotine addiction. He came to this conclusion by measuring the darkness of a person's skin on their foreheads and on their inner arms. The thinking being that the darkness of your inner arm is mostly genetic versus the darkness of your forehead being a combo of genetics and sun exposure. The author found, "the darkness of the forehead was positively correlated to the number of cigarettes smoked per day as well as nicotine dependence, while darkness of the inner arm did not demonstrate this link." So, his conclusion appears to be that the amount of melanin in your skin determines your addiction level to nicotine.

You can read the article for yourself and draw your own conclusions. My first thought when I read the article is that people who work in an office setting aren't going to smoke as many cigarettes as a person who works outside for a living. Common sense would tell you that the guy that works outside is going to have a better opportunity to smoke more cigarettes than the guy that sits in a cubicle 8 hours a day. And, the guy that works outside is also going to get more sun exposure which is going to make his forehead darker. The more nicotine you put into your body the more dependent your body becomes on nicotine.

This study kind of reminds me of the studies in the past that have determined that people that drink diet sodas weigh more on average than people that drink regular sodas. So, the conclusion must be that diet sodas make you overweight. The conclusion couldn't possibly be that people that are already overweight are drinking diet sodas as part of their attempt to lose weight.
In a related story, scientists discover nicotine usage leads to syphilis.
But only in rats who smoke after sex.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on August 23, 2018, 10:31:00 AM
Getting close to un chartered quit waters.....never been past 7 months in 30 years....222 qlf
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on August 23, 2018, 12:50:00 PM
Quote from: Doofus
Getting close to un chartered quit waters.....never been past 7 months in 30 years....222 qlf
I have been farther than this once. But, it feels different this time. I don't know why. Perhaps it has something to do with you posting the same message over and over on everybody's intro pages. Who knows? 'winker'
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: quitNWinay on August 23, 2018, 03:05:00 PM
Quote from: Kybo
Quote from: Doofus
Getting close to un chartered quit waters.....never been past 7 months in 30 years....222 qlf
I have been farther than this once. But, it feels different this time. I don't know why. Perhaps it has something to do with you posting the same message over and over on everybody's intro pages. Who knows? 'winker'
Lol!!!
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on August 25, 2018, 09:29:00 AM
Quote from: quitNWinay
Quote from: Kybo
Quote from: Doofus
Getting close to un chartered quit waters.....never been past 7 months in 30 years....222 qlf
I have been farther than this once. But, it feels different this time. I don't know why. Perhaps it has something to do with you posting the same message over and over on everybody's intro pages. Who knows? 'winker'
Lol!!!
I have to spread my gospel to the legions, lol.....plus I like seeing my name dominate page 1 of posts:)
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on September 05, 2018, 10:22:00 AM
Day 242

Addiction is a really interesting bastard if you stop to think about it. Yesterday it felt like I was back on day 4 for no apparent reason. I had a splitting headache for several hours, it felt like my eyes were going to pop out of my head, and my salivary glands were aching like crazy. Then, I tossed and turned half the night just like those early days of nicotine withdrawal. It got to the point where I was trying to think if there was any way that somebody could have slipped nicotine into my food/drink. But, I honestly wasnÂ’t around anybody that was even smoking yesterday. That is the first time I have experienced anything like that since my days were in the mid twenties. I feel fantastic again this morning, even though I didnÂ’t sleep worth a shit last night. Weird stuff, indeed.

Early on after I gave up nicotine my biggest battles were with triggers that my mind/body associated with chewing tobacco. As the days, weeks, months and seasons passed I conquered each of those triggers one at a time. Hell, I hardly even think about chew any more when I am fishing or mowing the grass. Now I find that about the only time the bitch sneaks into my mind is when I am doing nothing. Call it complacency, call it boredom, call it whatever you want. I call it the next challenge. And the bright side is that these challenges seem to get easier and easier to conquer every single day.

I look back now and I can remember hoping in my early days that the vets were telling the truth when they said, “it gets better.” Well, my friends, I am here to tell you that it truly does get better. And it truly does get easier. Just keep posting roll and putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually you will look around and realize that everything is better and that quitting does get easier. You will have a few bad days here and there just like I had yesterday. The key is to never forget who you are or where you have been.

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." George Santayana
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Doofus on September 07, 2018, 06:52:00 PM
Poof
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on September 14, 2018, 11:17:00 AM
does anybody know if there is a way to change the background color on this new format?  This gives me a headache.
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: Gromo on September 14, 2018, 11:20:00 AM
Quote from: Kybo
does anybody know if there is a way to change the background color on this new format?  This gives me a headache.
right? not super stoked on the new layout...Everything seems rather...large confusing and bright...
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on September 14, 2018, 12:27:00 PM
poof
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on September 14, 2018, 10:27:00 PM
Seems appropriate:
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on September 14, 2018, 10:31:00 PM
poof
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on February 28, 2019, 10:11:48 PM
WTF happened to my Quit Diary?  Is everything gone that I have added since the Tapatalk disaster?  Damn!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on February 28, 2019, 10:19:45 PM
Found it!  Whew!  I was about ready to pop a gasket.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Batdad on March 01, 2019, 07:41:49 AM
I merged both together. Thanks for finding the other and bumping it up. Made it soooo much easier!!

Keep quitting!!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: ES on March 01, 2019, 09:27:03 AM
Lost mine, too, for a while. I was not excited. But all is found.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on March 01, 2019, 09:49:38 AM
DAY 401

Hard to believe that is already been 400 days without tobacco or nicotine of any kind.  It seems like just yesterday that I was watching a documentary on Stevie Ray Vaughn that somehow delivered a message straight to my soul that told me it was time to quit.  I can't explain why that documentary hit me so hard that day (January 7th, 2018).  But, the moment that Stevie said, "I thought I could stay at the party forever, it don't work that way, cause that shit will kill ya," I knew it was time for me to quit.  And that is exactly what I did right at that exact moment.

I was scanning thru the onscreen TV guide two days ago and saw the listing for that exact same Stevie Ray Vaughn documentary.  I watched it again in it's entirety on my Day 399.  That quote from him still punched me right in the gut the second time around.  I DVR'd the documentary so I can watch it again whenever I want.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

I have decided that 2019 will my year to seriously try to get back into shape.  I have been pretty consistent for the last year with exercising, but I was still eating and drinking whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it.  I am proud to say that I have already lost 20 pounds since January 1st of this year.  I have kicked up my exercising a little bit but I think the biggest contributor to the weight loss has been the fact that I have cut way back on my calorie intake since the first of the year, especially at lunch.  My goal is to lose 50 pounds and keep it off. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have decided that I am going to spend the money I saved from Day 300 to Day 400 on some Eastern White Pine Trees.  I found a guy that will sell me 16 white pines that are 3 to 4 foot tall for $25 each.  I think I am going to plant them west of my barn lot to add a little more privacy from the road and to create somewhat of a natural snow fence for the barn lot.   I need to do a little research to see how far I need to plant them from the lot to maximize their effect as a snow fence.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In about a week and a half the Kings and Queen of April '18 will have 27 active members surpass the 400 Day mark!  That is absolutely amazing in my opinion.  I am proud to quit with each and every one of them every single day!  On to 500!

The order is all effed up, but it appears that the Tapatalk crap has been merged over to this intro.  So, you have to jump back 7 pages on this intro to get into the entries that were made after the Tapatalk disaster.  Not a big deal.

Day 419 update

I am now officially down 26 lbs since the beginning of 2019.   
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on March 15, 2019, 07:35:38 AM
Day 433

I am down 32 lbs since the first of the year.  I have lost the weight mostly thru exercise and cutting back on my calories at lunch.  It feels good to feel so good again. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAJVH7RfwkM)  My goal was to lose 50 lbs this year, but now I am hoping to hit 50 in the next few months.  I am sure the weight loss will slow down once beer and bbq season hits full bore.  I am going to try to focus more on grilled salmon and grilled chicken this year and see if I can balance that with the weight loss plan. 

I am going to the liquor store today to purchase a variety of low calorie/low carb beers to see if any of them might "hit the spot."  I am usually a pale ale or IPA guy so this might be a challenge.  Wish me luck! 
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Skolvikings on March 15, 2019, 12:23:00 PM
Day 433

I am down 32 lbs since the first of the year.  I have lost the weight mostly thru exercise and cutting back on my calories at lunch.  It feels good to feel so good again. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAJVH7RfwkM)  My goal was to lose 50 lbs this year, but now I am hoping to hit 50 in the next few months.  I am sure the weight loss will slow down once beer and bbq season hits full bore.  I am going to try to focus more on grilled salmon and grilled chicken this year and see if I can balance that with the weight loss plan. 

I am going to the liquor store today to purchase a variety of low calorie/low carb beers to see if any of them might "hit the spot."  I am usually a pale ale or IPA guy so this might be a challenge.  Wish me luck!


Badass quitters like yourself do not need luck, you own shit.

When are we having the BBQ cookoff at Athan's place?
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on March 15, 2019, 06:46:00 PM
Day 433

I am down 32 lbs since the first of the year.  I have lost the weight mostly thru exercise and cutting back on my calories at lunch.  It feels good to feel so good again. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAJVH7RfwkM)  My goal was to lose 50 lbs this year, but now I am hoping to hit 50 in the next few months.  I am sure the weight loss will slow down once beer and bbq season hits full bore.  I am going to try to focus more on grilled salmon and grilled chicken this year and see if I can balance that with the weight loss plan. 

I am going to the liquor store today to purchase a variety of low calorie/low carb beers to see if any of them might "hit the spot."  I am usually a pale ale or IPA guy so this might be a challenge.  Wish me luck!


Badass quitters like yourself do not need luck, you own shit.

When are we having the BBQ cookoff at Athan's place?

A BBQ weekend sounds like a pretty good time.  We might need to put some thought into it.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on March 16, 2019, 06:46:06 AM
Day 433

I am down 32 lbs since the first of the year.  I have lost the weight mostly thru exercise and cutting back on my calories at lunch.  It feels good to feel so good again. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAJVH7RfwkM)  My goal was to lose 50 lbs this year, but now I am hoping to hit 50 in the next few months.  I am sure the weight loss will slow down once beer and bbq season hits full bore.  I am going to try to focus more on grilled salmon and grilled chicken this year and see if I can balance that with the weight loss plan. 

I am going to the liquor store today to purchase a variety of low calorie/low carb beers to see if any of them might "hit the spot."  I am usually a pale ale or IPA guy so this might be a challenge.  Wish me luck!
I was drinking a 12 pack a night when I stopped.  Thought I would lose a bunch of weight but it didn't happen. Had to kill starches and especially the late night PB&J before I saw results.  Was trying to exercise my way into a diet.  Doesn't work.  I'm down 15 pounds for the year so far.  20 more to the target.  Then I can host the BBQ.  Getting a hog next week, maybe two.  Would love to host an east coast meetup. I could send my wife and girls to the beach for the weekend and we'd be free to lay around in our shorts and eat meat with our hands!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Skolvikings on March 16, 2019, 04:42:42 PM
Day 433

I am down 32 lbs since the first of the year.  I have lost the weight mostly thru exercise and cutting back on my calories at lunch.  It feels good to feel so good again. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAJVH7RfwkM)  My goal was to lose 50 lbs this year, but now I am hoping to hit 50 in the next few months.  I am sure the weight loss will slow down once beer and bbq season hits full bore.  I am going to try to focus more on grilled salmon and grilled chicken this year and see if I can balance that with the weight loss plan. 

I am going to the liquor store today to purchase a variety of low calorie/low carb beers to see if any of them might "hit the spot."  I am usually a pale ale or IPA guy so this might be a challenge.  Wish me luck!
I was drinking a 12 pack a night when I stopped.  Thought I would lose a bunch of weight but it didn't happen. Had to kill starches and especially the late night PB&J before I saw results.  Was trying to exercise my way into a diet.  Doesn't work.  I'm down 15 pounds for the year so far.  20 more to the target.  Then I can host the BBQ.  Getting a hog next week, maybe two.  Would love to host an east coast meetup. I could send my wife and girls to the beach for the weekend and we'd be free to lay around in our shorts and eat meat with our hands!

Fuck shorts
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on April 05, 2019, 08:35:22 PM
Day 454

My wife just came outside to tell me that my beard was on fire.

That is a first for me.

I threw a couple pieces of wood in the fire pit and there was a bit of heat that exploded when the wood hit the fire.  I felt the heat hit my face, but there was zero pain.  About 90 seconds later my wife came flying out of the door screaming that my beard was on fire.  And she was correct.  My beard was on fire.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Gunnar on April 05, 2019, 08:39:40 PM
Day 454

My wife just came outside to tell me that my beard was on fire.

That is a first for me.

I threw a couple pieces of wood in the fire pit and there was a bit of heat that exploded when the wood hit the fire.  I felt the heat hit my face, but there was zero pain.  About 90 seconds later my wife came flying out of the door screaming that my beard was on fire.  And she was correct.  My beard was on fire.

I’m sorry, but that’s fucking funny.....Ok, are you ok? Any serious burns?
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on April 05, 2019, 09:41:15 PM
Day 454

My wife just came outside to tell me that my beard was on fire.

That is a first for me.

I threw a couple pieces of wood in the fire pit and there was a bit of heat that exploded when the wood hit the fire.  I felt the heat hit my face, but there was zero pain.  About 90 seconds later my wife came flying out of the door screaming that my beard was on fire.  And she was correct.  My beard was on fire.

I’m sorry, but that’s fucking funny.....Ok, are you ok? Any serious burns?

I am fine.  And it was fucking funny, which is why I shared it. 

My wife was totally freaking out and I honestly didn’t feel a thing.  I rubbed my beard when she started screaming and it was definitely on fire, but it never burned me.  It was kind of weird, actually.  I had been drinking a little, but I was not drunk.  The whole thing really was funny.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Skolvikings on April 06, 2019, 01:25:12 PM
Day 454

My wife just came outside to tell me that my beard was on fire.

That is a first for me.

I threw a couple pieces of wood in the fire pit and there was a bit of heat that exploded when the wood hit the fire.  I felt the heat hit my face, but there was zero pain.  About 90 seconds later my wife came flying out of the door screaming that my beard was on fire.  And she was correct.  My beard was on fire.

I’m sorry, but that’s fucking funny.....Ok, are you ok? Any serious burns?

I am fine.  And it was fucking funny, which is why I shared it. 

My wife was totally freaking out and I honestly didn’t feel a thing.  I rubbed my beard when she started screaming and it was definitely on fire, but it never burned me.  It was kind of weird, actually.  I had been drinking a little, but I was not drunk.  The whole thing really was funny.

 roflmao roflmao roflmao flame1

Thank you brother KYBO, that gave me a giggle
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Skolvikings on May 21, 2019, 12:32:24 PM
500

Congrats you badass.... proud to call you my brother!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on May 21, 2019, 05:16:43 PM
500

Congrats you badass.... proud to call you my brother!
500 on a flaming beard on a northern pike never looked so good!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: 69franx on May 21, 2019, 05:18:23 PM
500

Congrats you badass.... proud to call you my brother!
500 on a flaming beard on a northern pike never looked so good!
Congrats on that half comma Kybo!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on May 29, 2019, 07:26:22 AM
Day 508

I am heading north on Friday and will be in the bush by Saturday morning.  I know the area pretty well and should have cell coverage in a few places unless something has changed since last year.  So, I will be posting and ghosting for about a week and a half.  And I might be a little late posting roll on a few days if I have to search for a signal.   

Stay frosty, my friends!

IQWYT!!!!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Dawgs on May 29, 2019, 03:22:19 PM
Day 508

I am heading north on Friday and will be in the bush by Saturday morning.  I know the area pretty well and should have cell coverage in a few places unless something has changed since last year.  So, I will be posting and ghosting for about a week and a half.  And I might be a little late posting roll on a few days if I have to search for a signal.   

Stay frosty, my friends!

IQWYT!!!!
Have fun buddy
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on July 24, 2019, 07:35:38 AM
Day 564

I am heading waaaaayyyyy into the bush tomorrow.  No internet, no cell coverage, and no electricity.  I am getting dropped off miles away from the nearest road by a float plane for a week of rest and relaxation on a remote lake in the middle of Nowhere, Ontario. 

I will be completely off the grid until at least August, 2nd.  If the weather is shitty on the 2nd the planes may not be able to fly to come pick us up.  That actually happened to us back in 2006.  We were stuck in the middle of nowhere for an extra day and a half because there was a massive storm that basically just pitched a tent right on top of us for three days.

I just wanted to throw it out there so that everyone would know why I suddenly disappeared.  There is no danger of us caving because we aren't taking any tobacco products of any kind with us on the trip.  And there won't be a store within 20 miles of us once we get dropped off..

I will be back and posting roll on August 2nd or 3rd depending on the weather.

Kybo
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on August 03, 2019, 08:10:44 AM
 Kybo's back in town!  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nN120kCiVyQ)
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on August 05, 2019, 11:16:13 AM
 My float plane landing last week on our lake in the middle of nowhere (https://streamable.com/qvj72)


 Deep Frying some walleye with Hank and Dale at our remote outpost cabin last week (https://streamable.com/d8xi1)
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Skolvikings on August 05, 2019, 12:16:07 PM
My float plane landing last week on our lake in the middle of nowhere (https://streamable.com/qvj72)


 Deep Frying some walleye with Hank and Dale at our remote outpost cabin last week (https://streamable.com/d8xi1)

That is awesome!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on August 05, 2019, 04:32:53 PM
My float plane landing last week on our lake in the middle of nowhere (https://streamable.com/qvj72)


 Deep Frying some walleye with Hank and Dale at our remote outpost cabin last week (https://streamable.com/d8xi1)

That is awesome!
Salivating! You can see me in the float plane footage.  Right before you land, I'm there at the treeline, topless, waving at you!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Skolvikings on August 28, 2019, 07:58:26 PM
Six Hundy Eve......

You are a damn fine quitter KYBO, thank you for being a huge part of April.

Congrats my brother!!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on December 07, 2019, 06:19:36 AM
Seven. Hundred. Days.
I've rediscovered my love for reading and hope you have too.
Congratulations my man. Thanks for being part of the context of my quit!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Skolvikings on December 08, 2019, 12:39:59 AM
You are a pillar in April and I am blessed to be able to call you my brother.

7 handy looks damn good on you!!!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on December 27, 2019, 09:32:31 AM
Here are a couple informative links I stumbled on today when I was looking for something else.  Some of you "lurkers" that haven't made the decision to quit might want to check them out.  This is the kind of information I was looking for on the web when I finally decided to change my life for the better.  Today is day 720 days free for me after chewing for 35 years.  If I can quit so can you.  It did take a few months but I definitely feel better than I have in decades. 

https://www.deltadental.com/us/en/protect-my-smile/overall-health/smokeless-tobacco.html (https://www.deltadental.com/us/en/protect-my-smile/overall-health/smokeless-tobacco.html)

https://www.cancer.org/healthy/stay-away-from-tobacco/guide-quitting-smoking/staying-tobacco-free-after-you-quit-smoking.html (https://www.cancer.org/healthy/stay-away-from-tobacco/guide-quitting-smoking/staying-tobacco-free-after-you-quit-smoking.html)
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on January 01, 2020, 11:01:40 PM
Just rolled into northern Wisconsin for a few days of ice fishing.  The ice is looking a little thin! 
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on January 02, 2020, 01:16:01 AM
Just rolled into northern Wisconsin for a few days of ice fishing.  The ice is looking a little thin!
OOPS (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80DSbZQrzb8)
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Dawgs on January 02, 2020, 08:39:10 PM
Just rolled into northern Wisconsin for a few days of ice fishing.  The ice is looking a little thin!
OOPS (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80DSbZQrzb8)
“Hey y’all...Watch this!!”
Have fun brother.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on January 10, 2020, 07:47:10 AM
Just rolled into northern Wisconsin for a few days of ice fishing.  The ice is looking a little thin!
OOPS (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80DSbZQrzb8)
“Hey y’all...Watch this!!”
Have fun brother.

It was all good.  There were a couple vehicles that went thru the ice in the area while we were there, but we never had any problems.  Of course, we didn't drive our truck out onto the ice.  Most places we went had at least 3" of good ice with 4"-8" of slushy/cloudy ice on top of it.  We found some places that had 8" of good ice and we found other places that still had open water.  You just had to be smart about it.  That was our first visit to Rhinelander and we thoroughly enjoyed the community.  We caught a little bit of everything, but nothing to get overly excited about.  We are already talking about going back next winter.

734 days quit today!   
Title: Re: Kybo from 1-13-18
Post by: kybo on January 16, 2020, 11:37:05 AM
Day 740

I have been working on some annual reports this morning and I finally decided to take a little break and browse the KTC website a little.  I stumbled on this gem that I posted on my intro way back before I had even been quit for 100 days.  I was doing some serious soul searching back in those early days and I often found it very therapeutic to write some of it down.  I have since deleted some of those early entries to reduce the clutter, but I did keep some of the ones that I thought might someday be relevant to my future self.

In light of some of the discussions I have seen here and there over the last few weeks I am going to bump this entry from March 2018 up to the top. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   

Nothing to see in today's post. Just a few ramblings from my sleep deprived mind.

There has been a lot of really deep discussions on various forums at KTC over the last few days. I am talking about the good stuff that makes you look deep in your soul and think about who you are, what you are doing, and where you want to go. One of the topics that I have seen discussed in a few different places are variations of the theme “why KTC works or what KTC means to me.” At first glance these two things may seem completely different, but I would argue they are one and the same for most of the addicts using KTC to strengthen their quit.

As I lay wide awake last night staring at the ceiling and thinking about all the words of wisdom I have garnered from KTC in the last couple months, I found myself thinking about why KTC works for me. And I just kept coming back to one of my favorite quotes. I have never thought about this quote before from an addict’s perspective, but after last night I will probably never think of it in any other way again.

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."  George Santayana

Perhaps George Santayana was a recovering addict himself. It sure sounds like he knew a thing or two about the subject. I can't tell you how many times I have failed in my attempts to quit in the past because I let myself forget just how addicted I am to the nicotine bitch.

George Santayana (1863-1952) was a Spanish born American author and philosopher. It is believed the above quote originated with George, but I have seen some sources that think the quote pre dates George by a few years. For me, it doesn’t really matter who said it first. The words of wisdom contained in the quote should be something memorized by every single addict that is working on recovery. Because when you truly see those words for what they are, you will understand those eleven words are actually a map that will guide any and all recovering addicts to the elusive treasure we all seek. And that treasure is none other than freedom from the chains of addiction.

So, why does KTC work and what does KTC mean to me?

Whether you use KTC to post and ghost roll every day or you fully engorge yourself with gallons and gallons of the kool aid, the successful recovering addict is using KTC to remember their past. They may not consciously realize what they are doing, but they are keeping their addiction front and center in their thoughts every time they visit KTC. By doing this, they are lessening the chance they will repeat their past failures. The daily ritual of visiting KTC keeps us from forgetting that we are addicts. It stops complacency dead in her tracks. And thus it keeps us from falling back down the rabbit hole we call addiction. For some people, simply visiting and posting roll every day is enough. Others may need to interact a little more. And still others may need to completely submerge themselves in the refreshing waters of brotherhood. Every one of us is different and every one of us is the same. Some need the phone calls and the accountability, others just need a safe place to read and reflect.

KTC may mean different things to different people. But, it also means the same thing to all of us. I will never forget where I have been, and I will never forget why I left. That is the pledge I silently make to myself every morning when I post roll call in April ‘18. Because I know if I ever let myself forget that I am an addict I will soon find myself on my proverbial knees again suckling at the teat of Big Tobacco.

I will never let myself forget because I do not want to repeat my past.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Skolvikings on March 16, 2020, 12:01:33 AM
Anyone seen Hundy? I heard Kybo ate him. That's right, Kybo ate Hundy!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on March 16, 2020, 06:40:55 AM
Anyone seen Hundy? I heard Kybo ate him. That's right, Kybo ate Hundy!
Kybo my man! I knew you'd do it! up an slayed the can, one day at a time your impervious plan, don'tcha know I'm your biggest fan!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on March 24, 2020, 11:38:13 AM
Day 808

The parking lot is empty.  I am sitting here in the office by myself and answering the phones and emails as needed.

As depressing as things are getting, I still have lots of reasons to be thankful.  I am not going to bore anyone with listing them all out one by one.  But, I will mention that I am extremely thankful for not having to worry about whether I have enough chew stockpiled to make it through a prolonged quarantine. 
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: worktowin on March 27, 2020, 09:16:07 AM
Day 808

The parking lot is empty.  I am sitting here in the office by myself and answering the phones and emails as needed.

As depressing as things are getting, I still have lots of reasons to be thankful.  I am not going to bore anyone with listing them all out one by one.  But, I will mention that I am extremely thankful for not having to worry about whether I have enough chew stockpiled to make it through a prolonged quarantine.

Hang tough, man.  Honored to quit with you. 
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Keith0617 on March 27, 2020, 09:35:09 AM
Day 808

The parking lot is empty.  I am sitting here in the office by myself and answering the phones and emails as needed.

As depressing as things are getting, I still have lots of reasons to be thankful.  I am not going to bore anyone with listing them all out one by one.  But, I will mention that I am extremely thankful for not having to worry about whether I have enough chew stockpiled to make it through a prolonged quarantine.

Hang tough, man.  Honored to quit with you.

Reach out man if you need anything. People here care about you. It will get better.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: FISHFLORIDA on March 27, 2020, 03:59:09 PM
Day 808

The parking lot is empty.  I am sitting here in the office by myself and answering the phones and emails as needed.

As depressing as things are getting, I still have lots of reasons to be thankful.  I am not going to bore anyone with listing them all out one by one.  But, I will mention that I am extremely thankful for not having to worry about whether I have enough chew stockpiled to make it through a prolonged quarantine.

Hang tough, man.  Honored to quit with you.

Reach out man if you need anything. People here care about you. It will get better.
Nice work man
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on March 27, 2020, 10:20:43 PM
Day 808

The parking lot is empty.  I am sitting here in the office by myself and answering the phones and emails as needed.

As depressing as things are getting, I still have lots of reasons to be thankful.  I am not going to bore anyone with listing them all out one by one.  But, I will mention that I am extremely thankful for not having to worry about whether I have enough chew stockpiled to make it through a prolonged quarantine.

Hang tough, man.  Honored to quit with you.

Reach out man if you need anything. People here care about you. It will get better.
Nice work man

I am doing good, guys.  I didn’t mean to freak anybody out.  Apparently I am “essential.”

Although this Covid-19 bullshit is making my life a little more difficult, I still have it better than most.  I have sent everyone else home at my office and I have been working by myself for the last week.  We have shut down one of our facilities completely and our other two are operating on reduced schedules.

I have a steady job that isn’t going anywhere and the other business that my wife and I own hasn’t suffered too much yet.  So, we still have two sources of income rolling in.  It is just really weird not having anybody else in my office every day.

That Intro update was just me expressing how much worse this bullshit would have been for me if I still had to worry about how much chew I had stockpiled.  Thank God I don’t have to worry about that any more.  The biggest thing I am worried about right now is how much this is going to impact my investment portfolio.  I was hoping to retire from my job in 2025 and go to part time in our other business to help my wife.  This bullshit may push me back another couple years.  But, in the grand scheme of things that isn’t really that big of a deal.

I love you guys and it means a lot to me that you guys were worried about me.  But, I am fine.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on April 01, 2020, 01:19:38 PM
I bump the below text back up to the top of my Intro Page every once in awhile because I honestly think that the moment the thoughts below originally went through my mind (way back in March of 2018), is the exact moment that I finally understood and accepted the enormity of my addiction.  I bump it up mostly to help me remember where I have been.  But, maybe, just maybe, it might help flip the switch of recognition for another addict too.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As I lay wide awake last night staring at the ceiling and thinking about all the words of wisdom I have garnered from KTC in the last couple months, I found myself thinking about why KTC works for me. And I just kept coming back to one of my favorite quotes. I have never thought about this quote before from an addict’s perspective, but after last night I will probably never think of it in any other way again.

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."  George Santayana

Perhaps George Santayana was a recovering addict himself. It sure sounds like he knew a thing or two about the subject. I can't tell you how many times I have failed in my attempts to quit in the past because I let myself forget just how addicted I am to the nicotine bitch.

George Santayana (1863-1952) was a Spanish born American author and philosopher. It is believed the above quote originated with George, but I have seen some sources that think the quote pre dates George by a few years. For me, it doesn’t really matter who said it first. The words of wisdom contained in the quote should be something memorized by every single addict that is working on recovery. Because when you truly see those words for what they are, you will understand those eleven words are actually a map that will guide any and all recovering addicts to the elusive treasure we all seek. And that treasure is none other than freedom from the chains of addiction.

So, why does KTC work and what does KTC mean to me?

Whether you use KTC to post and ghost roll every day or you fully engorge yourself with gallons and gallons of the kool aid, the successful recovering addict is using KTC to remember their past. They may not consciously realize what they are doing, but they are keeping their addiction front and center in their thoughts every time they visit KTC. By doing this, they are lessening the chance they will repeat their past failures. The daily ritual of visiting KTC keeps us from forgetting that we are addicts. It stops complacency dead in her tracks. And thus it keeps us from falling back down the rabbit hole we call addiction. For some people, simply visiting and posting roll every day is enough. Others may need to interact a little more. And still others may need to completely submerge themselves in the refreshing waters of brotherhood. Every one of us is different and every one of us is the same. Some need the phone calls and the accountability, others just need a safe place to read and reflect.

KTC may mean different things to different people. But, it also means the same thing to all of us. I will never forget where I have been, and I will never forget why I left. That is the pledge I silently make to myself every morning when I post roll call in April ‘18. Because I know if I ever let myself forget that I am an addict I will soon find myself on my proverbial knees again suckling at the teat of Big Tobacco.

I will never let myself forget because I do not want to repeat my past.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Skolvikings on October 02, 2020, 06:37:11 PM
1,000 freaking days... outstanding brother, let's keep it Rollin' in the royalty!!!!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on October 02, 2020, 07:02:59 PM
1,000 freaking days... outstanding brother, let's keep it Rollin' in the royalty!!!!
geez Kybo- it’s been quite a run brother. Rather pleased you’re a free man.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on November 30, 2020, 02:47:13 PM
Day 1059

It is hard to believe I will be hitting three years quit in a little over a month's time.  But, here I am.

Early in my quit journey my brain was constantly thinking about the fact that I wasn't chewing.  Every time I would mow the grass, drive my truck, read a book, go fishing, etc, my brain would be focusing on the fact that I used to always have a chew in my mouth when I did any of those things.  Eventually after time, I found that I might be mowing or fishing for 30 minutes or more before the thought popped into my head.  Somewhere along the line my brain finally stopped thinking about chew when I was doing those things.  Oh sure, chew still pops into my head every once in awhile.  But, it is a completely different thing now.  I can't really explain it. 

1,059 days in and I still post roll.  I do it because I don't want to forget where I have been.  Complacency will always be an addict's enemy. 

I repost the George Santayana quote below every once in awhile just to keep it at the top of my introduction page.  I feel like it helps me to read it and think about what it means to me from time to time.  Maybe it will help someone else too. 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it”   --   George Santayana

Perhaps George Santayana was a recovering addict himself. It sure sounds like he knew a thing or two about the subject. I can't tell you how many times I have failed in my attempts to quit in the past because I let myself forget just how addicted I am to the nicotine bitch.

George Santayana (1863-1952) was a Spanish born American author and philosopher. It is believed the above quote originated with George, but I have seen some sources that think the quote pre dates George by a few years. For me, it doesn’t really matter who said it first. The words of wisdom contained in the quote should be something memorized by every single addict that is working on recovery. Because when you truly see those words for what they are, you will understand those eleven words are actually a map that will guide any and all recovering addicts to the elusive treasure we all seek. And that treasure is none other than freedom from the chains of addiction.

So, why does KTC work and what does KTC mean to me?

Whether you use KTC to post and ghost roll every day or you fully engorge yourself with gallons and gallons of the kool aid, the successful recovering addict is using KTC to remember their past. They may not consciously realize what they are doing, but they are keeping their addiction front and center in their thoughts every time they visit KTC. By doing this, they are lessening the chance they will repeat their past failures. The daily ritual of visiting KTC keeps us from forgetting that we are addicts. It stops complacency dead in her tracks. And thus it keeps us from falling back down the rabbit hole we call addiction. For some people, simply visiting and posting roll every day is enough. Others may need to interact a little more. And still others may need to completely submerge themselves in the refreshing waters of brotherhood. Every one of us is different and every one of us is the same. Some need the phone calls and the accountability, others just need a safe place to read and reflect.

KTC may mean different things to different people. But, it also means the same thing to all of us. I will never forget where I have been, and I will never forget why I left. That is the pledge I silently make to myself every morning when I post roll call in April ‘18. Because I know if I ever let myself forget that I am an addict I will soon find myself on my proverbial knees again suckling at the teat of Big Tobacco.




Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: 69franx on November 30, 2020, 03:28:09 PM
Great stuff Kybo, the new normal is wonderful, isn't it?
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: chris2alaska on November 30, 2020, 05:07:33 PM
Day 1059

It is hard to believe I will be hitting three years quit in a little over a month's time.  But, here I am.

Early in my quit journey my brain was constantly thinking about the fact that I wasn't chewing.  Every time I would mow the grass, drive my truck, read a book, go fishing, etc, my brain would be focusing on the fact that I used to always have a chew in my mouth when I did any of those things.  Eventually after time, I found that I might be mowing or fishing for 30 minutes or more before the thought popped into my head.  Somewhere along the line my brain finally stopped thinking about chew when I was doing those things.  Oh sure, chew still pops into my head every once in awhile.  But, it is a completely different thing now.  I can't really explain it. 

1,059 days in and I still post roll.  I do it because I don't want to forget where I have been.  Complacency will always be an addict's enemy. 

I repost the George Santayana quote below every once in awhile just to keep it at the top of my introduction page.  I feel like it helps me to read it and think about what it means to me from time to time.  Maybe it will help someone else too. 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it”   --   George Santayana

Perhaps George Santayana was a recovering addict himself. It sure sounds like he knew a thing or two about the subject. I can't tell you how many times I have failed in my attempts to quit in the past because I let myself forget just how addicted I am to the nicotine bitch.

George Santayana (1863-1952) was a Spanish born American author and philosopher. It is believed the above quote originated with George, but I have seen some sources that think the quote pre dates George by a few years. For me, it doesn’t really matter who said it first. The words of wisdom contained in the quote should be something memorized by every single addict that is working on recovery. Because when you truly see those words for what they are, you will understand those eleven words are actually a map that will guide any and all recovering addicts to the elusive treasure we all seek. And that treasure is none other than freedom from the chains of addiction.

So, why does KTC work and what does KTC mean to me?

Whether you use KTC to post and ghost roll every day or you fully engorge yourself with gallons and gallons of the kool aid, the successful recovering addict is using KTC to remember their past. They may not consciously realize what they are doing, but they are keeping their addiction front and center in their thoughts every time they visit KTC. By doing this, they are lessening the chance they will repeat their past failures. The daily ritual of visiting KTC keeps us from forgetting that we are addicts. It stops complacency dead in her tracks. And thus it keeps us from falling back down the rabbit hole we call addiction. For some people, simply visiting and posting roll every day is enough. Others may need to interact a little more. And still others may need to completely submerge themselves in the refreshing waters of brotherhood. Every one of us is different and every one of us is the same. Some need the phone calls and the accountability, others just need a safe place to read and reflect.

KTC may mean different things to different people. But, it also means the same thing to all of us. I will never forget where I have been, and I will never forget why I left. That is the pledge I silently make to myself every morning when I post roll call in April ‘18. Because I know if I ever let myself forget that I am an addict I will soon find myself on my proverbial knees again suckling at the teat of Big Tobacco.

Nice brother Kybo.  You should post this in the Comma Club Speeches.  Just sayin'
Title: Kybo
Post by: kybo on August 04, 2021, 11:31:58 AM
Day 1306

Been a while since I have posted in here. 

By my calculations I have saved at least $5,000 since I quit chewing. My estimate is that I would have probably purchased somewhere between 1300 and 1500 cans in the last 1306 days if I hadn't made the decision to quit.  I always use the conservative "one can a day" assumption when I post my estimated savings every week in Big Savings Wednesday (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?topic=264.0), but in reality I probably would have chewed closer to 1500 cans.   

Over the last 3 years I have used the money I saved to buy things that I probably would not have purchased if I was still buying chew.  It was a conscious decision from the beginning to use the money I saved as a reward for staying quit. So, every 100 days I give myself $400 to spend on whatever I want.  I have bought everything from a drone to a new weed eater to adjustable control arms for my Jeep.  Last week I bought a small Pellet Grill (https://streamable.com/cux40z) for my BARn. 

It amazes me to think about all the money I threw away over the years on tobacco.

There is really no point to my post today.  I just realized this morning that I hadn't posted in here in a long time and my weekly post in Big Savings Wednesday this morning got me thinking about all the money I have personally kept out of big tobacco's pocket.  If you are a KTC member and you have a few minutes, go up to the link I posted above for Big Savings Wednesday and add your money saved to this week's list.  It will make you feel good, I promise! ;)

Enjoy your Wednesday, my friends!   

Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 29, 2021, 07:38:51 AM
Day 1362

It just dawned on me this morning as I was driving to work that I no longer own any vehicle that I ever chewed tobacco in.  To the person that has never chewed tobacco this may not seem like a big deal.  But, to those of us that have wasted immeasurable hours trying to vacuum out the endless amounts of dried up chewing tobacco dust from the cracks and crevices of our vehicles it is nothing less than a monumental realization.  In my 30+ years of chewing I never was able to figure out exactly how that shit got literally everywhere in my truck.  And now, I don't have to worry about it.  And as an added bonus, none of my current vehicles have that unmistakable "chew cup left in the sun" odor that never completely went away no matter what I did.

The little things in life................................
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on October 01, 2021, 08:34:55 AM
https://www.deltadental.com/us/en/protect-my-smile/overall-health/smokeless-tobacco.html


I have posted the above link before.  I think there is some good info on there for people that are thinking about quitting and for the people that are struggling early on in their quit. 

In my opinion, the best piece of advice on that page for quitters is to "CHANGE YOUR DAILY ROUTINES."  It may sound stupid, but changing any pattern or behavior that you associated with dipping can and will make a difference.  Those patterns and behaviors from your past are all triggers. 

If you used to start every morning having a cup of coffee and then sitting in your La-Z-Boy and having a 20 minute chew, try changing up your routine as much as possible.  Change your brand of coffee, change your mug, sit on the couch instead of the chair, don't drink coffee until you get to work, give up coffee entirely, take your dog for a walk after your coffee, post your roll to KTC, hop in the shower with your wife, etc, etc.  Do whatever you can to just change up that routine and eliminate the trigger.  Then rinse and repeat on your next trigger. 

Trust me, it definitely gets easier.  I get asked quite often exactly how long it takes to actually "get easy."  Well, everybody is different.  So, all I can do is tell you my experience.  And in my experience I noticed a huge improvement somewhere around 150 days quit, give or take.  It still continued to get easier after 150 days, but there was definitely some kind of significant change for me around that time frame.  There have been a few ups and downs along the way since then.  But, as I am now approaching 4 years quit, I can honestly say that my life has become about as normal as it can be.  I haven't had any kind of craving in years.  Tobacco and/or chewing rarely even enters my mind anymore outside of posting my roll every morning. 

The challenge that I face now is making sure that I don't get complacent and forget that I am an addict.  That is the main reason why I still post roll every damn day.  I don't ever want to forget where I have been because I don't ever want to go back. 

There is no such thing as "just one dip" for an addict.

Stay frosty, my friends.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on October 01, 2021, 03:11:29 PM
... making sure that I don't get complacent and forget that I am an addict.  That is the main reason why I still post roll every damn day.  I don't ever want to forget where I have been because I don't ever want to go back. 
nailed it
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Keith0617 on October 02, 2021, 12:53:26 PM
... making sure that I don't get complacent and forget that I am an addict.  That is the main reason why I still post roll every damn day.  I don't ever want to forget where I have been because I don't ever want to go back. 
nailed it
@NukeEngineer (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=18300) learn something
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on January 07, 2022, 11:59:40 AM
Day 1462

Four years ago today I was sitting on my couch watching television.  My wife and kids left to go shopping for the day and I decided to pop in a chew as soon as they left.  I flipped through the channels and settled on a documentary about Stevie Ray Vaughan.  There was an interview with Stevie in the documentary where he was talking about his battle with addiction.  He said, ""I thought I could stay at the party forever, it don't work that way, cause that shit will kill ya."

That quote just resonated with me.  I had been "trying" to quit tobacco for months by gradually reducing the size of my chews and making an effort to chew less and less each week.  In reality, all I was doing up to that day was prolonging my withdraw symptoms and losing the battle with addiction each and every day.  But what Stevie said in that interview somehow spoke to me.  In that instant I knew that I had been at the party way too long.  It was time for me to quit.

I got up off the couch and spit my chew out.  That was my last chew.  Four years ago today.  I have won my battle with addiction 1,462 days in a row since that fateful day. 

Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Keith0617 on January 07, 2022, 12:20:17 PM
Day 1462

Four years ago today I was sitting on my couch watching television.  My wife and kids left to go shopping for the day and I decided to pop in a chew as soon as they left.  I flipped through the channels and settled on a documentary about Stevie Ray Vaughan.  There was an interview with Stevie in the documentary where he was talking about his battle with addiction.  He said, ""I thought I could stay at the party forever, it don't work that way, cause that shit will kill ya."

That quote just resonated with me.  I had been "trying" to quit tobacco for months by gradually reducing the size of my chews and making an effort to chew less and less each week.  In reality, all I was doing up to that day was prolonging my withdraw symptoms and losing the battle with addiction each and every day.  But what Stevie said in that interview somehow spoke to me.  In that instant I knew that I had been at the party way too long.  It was time for me to quit.

I got up off the couch and spit my chew out.  That was my last chew.  Four years ago today.  I have won my battle with addiction 1,462 days in a row since that fateful day.
Proud to quit with you brother. Congrats on 4 years @kybo (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=342) 
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: CTF on January 10, 2022, 12:41:53 AM
Day 1462

Four years ago today I was sitting on my couch watching television.  My wife and kids left to go shopping for the day and I decided to pop in a chew as soon as they left.  I flipped through the channels and settled on a documentary about Stevie Ray Vaughan.  There was an interview with Stevie in the documentary where he was talking about his battle with addiction.  He said, ""I thought I could stay at the party forever, it don't work that way, cause that shit will kill ya."

That quote just resonated with me.  I had been "trying" to quit tobacco for months by gradually reducing the size of my chews and making an effort to chew less and less each week.  In reality, all I was doing up to that day was prolonging my withdraw symptoms and losing the battle with addiction each and every day.  But what Stevie said in that interview somehow spoke to me.  In that instant I knew that I had been at the party way too long.  It was time for me to quit.

I got up off the couch and spit my chew out.  That was my last chew.  Four years ago today.  I have won my battle with addiction 1,462 days in a row since that fateful day.
Proud to quit with you brother. Congrats on 4 years @kybo (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=342)

That's a great story. Congrats on 4 years.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Skolvikings on May 25, 2022, 12:37:45 AM
16 floors bro... get on keepin on... way to go Kybo!!!!
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on September 02, 2022, 08:20:47 PM
Day 1700

Been a rough week.  My 16 year old labrador had a seizure and I had to put her down on Tuesday.  One of our supervisory employees turned in a two week notice on Monday.  And our Controller screwed up and none of our employees got paid today.

But, I am still quit.  I got that going for me. And I only have 986 more days until I can retire on a full pension.  Yes, I am officially counting the days until I have the option of retirement.  I am that many days old now.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Keith0617 on September 02, 2022, 09:18:58 PM
Day 1700

Been a rough week.  My 16 year old labrador had a seizure and I had to put her down on Tuesday.  One of our supervisory employees turned in a two week notice on Monday.  And our Controller screwed up and none of our employees got paid today.

But, I am still quit.  I got that going for me. And I only have 986 more days until I can retire on a full pension.  Yes, I am officially counting the days until I have the option of retirement.  I am that many days old now.
So sorry about your dog. I can relate well. Life happens but I am proud to be quit with you today.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on September 03, 2022, 05:50:10 AM
Day 1700

Been a rough week.  My 16 year old labrador had a seizure and I had to put her down on Tuesday.  One of our supervisory employees turned in a two week notice on Monday.  And our Controller screwed up and none of our employees got paid today.

But, I am still quit.  I got that going for me. And I only have 986 more days until I can retire on a full pension.  Yes, I am officially counting the days until I have the option of retirement.  I am that many days old now.
Life happens. Quitters stay quit. The lucky ones have you in their corner. STILL enjoying the ride.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on February 14, 2023, 01:42:40 PM
DAY 1865

Life is Good. 
Embrace it. 
Seize the day.
Wake up tomorrow and do it again.   

Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: kybo on March 29, 2023, 10:42:56 AM
DAY 1908

1908 seems like such a huge number.  But, when I think about it in terms of how long I have actually been quit, it really doesn't feel like it has been that long. 

778 days is the number of days I have left before I could retire from my day job with my full pension.  That seems like a huge and daunting number until I compare it to the 1908 days I have been quit.  I don't plan on retiring in 778 days, but it sure will feel good to know that I will have that option in a little more than 2 years.

Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Stranger999 on March 30, 2023, 12:45:56 AM
DAY 1908

1908 seems like such a huge number.  But, when I think about it in terms of how long I have actually been quit, it really doesn't feel like it has been that long. 

778 days is the number of days I have left before I could retire from my day job with my full pension.  That seems like a huge and daunting number until I compare it to the 1908 days I have been quit.  I don't plan on retiring in 778 days, but it sure will feel good to know that I will have that option in a little more than 2 years.

Just don't retire from quitting.   :)

As we stack up the days, nicotine gets further and further back in the rear-view mirror.  But keep your guard up because you never know when a craving will come.
Title: Re: Kybo
Post by: Athan on April 11, 2023, 04:27:21 AM
DAY 1908

1908 seems like such a huge number.  But, when I think about it in terms of how long I have actually been quit, it really doesn't feel like it has been that long. 

778 days is the number of days I have left before I could retire from my day job with my full pension.  That seems like a huge and daunting number until I compare it to the 1908 days I have been quit.  I don't plan on retiring in 778 days, but it sure will feel good to know that I will have that option in a little more than 2 years.
I'm hoping the acreage won't seem a chore once I'm retired and the time is mine. We'll see. Better figure something out as I can't see myself in a condo.
Title: 2228
Post by: kybo on February 12, 2024, 01:27:07 PM
DAY 2228

I lost another childhood friend last week to a massive heart attack.  He wasn't a tobacco user and overall he lived a pretty healthy lifestyle.  It appears he was just an unlucky victim of genetics.  One can only wonder how young he might have gone if he had been a heavy tobacco user.   

Did you know that 3-6 years after quitting tobacco use your risk of coronary heart disease drops by roughly 50%?  After 15 years of being quit your risk of coronary heart disease is close to that of someone who never used tobacco.  I'm beyond that 6 year mark and I definitely feel healthier now than I did 10 years ago.  Making the decision to quit was difficult, but it was definitely the right decision.  I only wish I had done it sooner.

If you are here thinking about quitting, I highly recommend you give quitting a try.  What do you really have to lose if you quit?  You say you enjoy it?  You say it makes you feel good?  The addict in me used to make me use those same excuses.  But here I am 2228 days later and I can honestly admit to myself and everyone else that it wasn't really me spewing all those excuses.  It was the addict in me that was doing everything it could to keep me feeding the addiction that had taken on a life of it's own.  I realize that now.   

Oh sure, that first week of trying to quit sucked big time.  Headaches, insomnia, rapid heart beat, etc.  It took about 30 days before I actually started to think I had it beat.  After about 4 months I was sure I had made the right decision.  And now here I am over 6 years later with absolutely zero regrets about quitting.  The cravings have been completely gone for years.  The only battle I have left is to remind myself daily that I am an addict and I cannot give in to complacency.  I know I am incapable of having just one dip. 

By my calculations I have saved over $10,000 just from not buying tobacco over the last six years.  God only knows how much money I have saved from reduced health care expenses over that time frame or how many years I have added to my life.  The benefits are too great to calculate.

I feel good and I am starting to think that I might actually live to see retirement.  My wife and I bought 40 secluded acres of rolling hills and woods a couple weeks ago.  When I took her out to see the property for the first time before we bought it we walked up over a ridge and she saw a flock of about 50 turkeys running on the ridge across the valley from where we were standing.  I could tell just looking at her face in that precise moment that I wasn't going to have give her a sales pitch to convince her we should buy the property.  It was a done deal as soon as she walked over that ridge.  I couldn't have paid those turkeys to put on a better show for my bride.  It was meant to be.  And I know exactly where I am going to build the house.

I have lost a few friends over the last handful of years.  I have another friend that was lucky to survive a series of strokes in his forties, but he is now in his early fifties and resides in an assisted living facility.  My only sibling died at the ripe old age of 51.  The older you get the more you look around and realize that you don't get to live forever.  That roller coaster we call life is going to come to a stop one day.  It stops for everybody eventually.  So, make the most of it.  Raise your hands in the sky and scream with joy as loud as you can every chance you get.  Take the time to look around and enjoy the view when you get to the top of those hills.  And give a hand up to the other riders whenever you can.

Kybo