KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum

Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Edward on July 12, 2016, 06:15:00 PM

Title: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: Edward on July 12, 2016, 06:15:00 PM
Greetings.

I started dipping in July of 1997. First time I tried it, nobody told me not to swallow, so after about 30 seconds, I turned green and threw up. That should have been a good indication that what I was putting in my body was bad, but machismo often trumps logic when you are young and stupid, so of course I had to prove that I could handle it. Just a few days later I'd gotten used to it, and then began to enjoy it. Before long I was dipping about a can a day. I've quit twice before, but I've so far kept getting sucked back. At the time, I thought the world was conspiring to keep me addicted, but now I realize its my own nicotine starved brain doing anything it can to trick me. And that's the part that I'm having difficulty with.

Last week I started dealing with some really bad tooth pain, hadn't been to the Dentist since I'd started dipping, but it was time to go. By the time I was able to get in there and have them start drilling, I realized that I hadn't dipped in 3 days, I knew I needed to quit, and I figured the worst part was already over, no time like the present, so I threw away what I had and congratulated myself.

Yeah, 72 hours being the hard part is bullshit. I'm chewing the hell out of every toothpick in the county, and it's just barely making this tolerable. I'm not worried about quitting forever, I've committed to quitting today and I can keep my promise for today. I'll let tomorrow sort itself out. Any advice out there is welcome.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: pky1520 on July 12, 2016, 06:37:00 PM
Quote from: Edward
Greetings.

I started dipping in July of 1997. First time I tried it, nobody told me not to swallow, so after about 30 seconds, I turned green and threw up. That should have been a good indication that what I was putting in my body was bad, but machismo often trumps logic when you are young and stupid, so of course I had to prove that I could handle it. Just a few days later I'd gotten used to it, and then began to enjoy it. Before long I was dipping about a can a day. I've quit twice before, but I've so far kept getting sucked back. At the time, I thought the world was conspiring to keep me addicted, but now I realize its my own nicotine starved brain doing anything it can to trick me. And that's the part that I'm having difficulty with.

Last week I started dealing with some really bad tooth pain, hadn't been to the Dentist since I'd started dipping, but it was time to go. By the time I was able to get in there and have them start drilling, I realized that I hadn't dipped in 3 days, I knew I needed to quit, and I figured the worst part was already over, no time like the present, so I threw away what I had and congratulated myself.

Yeah, 72 hours being the hard part is bullshit. I'm chewing the hell out of every toothpick in the county, and it's just barely making this tolerable. I'm not worried about quitting forever, I've committed to quitting today and I can keep my promise for today. I'll let tomorrow sort itself out. Any advice out there is welcome.
Quitting is simple. You make your promise first thing every day (read: EVERY DAY) and then keep that promise.

However, the secret sauce on your quitburger is the connection that you make with others here. You open up, talk about what's going on, ask questions, help others, exchange your phone number and you will find that these folks quickly become more than random screen names and avatars. They will go out of their way to care about you and your quit and you will do the same. That daily promise will mean something and you'll realize that there was no way in hell you could have done it without them.

Looks like you're on roll, so you've got that step down! Now, spend a little time reading in the Intro, Hall of Fame  Quit Group sections. And when I say a little time, I mean a lot of damn time. All night if you need to.

Then read your October group's page all the way through (your group is F'ing nuts, btw) and you'll figure out what this place is all about.

And you're right 72 hours is not the hard part. Each stage of quit has its own unique challenges, but luckily there are folks here to help you through each one.

Also: Double your water, halve your caffeine, cease your alcohol.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: DjPorkchop on July 13, 2016, 12:13:00 AM
Edward, have you found your quit group yet? If not, please do. The sooner you get on roll, the sooner we can provide support and hold your feet to the accountability coals! Posting roll is our daily price of admission here. It's free and easy. Give it a try if you have not already! Exchange numbers and get to know your brothers/sisters of quit not only in your own group, but other groups as well.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: worktowin on July 21, 2016, 09:44:00 PM
Nice work getting super involved. The friends and contacts you have are your best insurance to keep you accountable. You are doing this the right way man.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: Edward on July 21, 2016, 10:37:00 PM
9 days ago, I was several days into my quit, I should have been over the physical withdrawals, but I was still hurting. I was searching the internet for smokeless alternatives when I came across this site. I read for a bit, and I figured that I needed the accountability, so I posted my intro, posted roll and figured that I'd post and ghost every day till I got over the hump. I'm naturally an introvert, so I found the public exposure pretty uncomfortable.

Then I started reading, and reading, and reading. I wanted to repost what I've learned in the last 9 days.

It's easy to quit, but it's hard to stay quit. Caving is easier than quitting, the Nic Bitch will give you a million reasons to cave if you let her, and not a single one of them is a good reason.

I'm an addict, had real trouble with this realization, but it's true. I spent nearly 20 years finger banging that can, not because it served any good purpose in my life, but because i've allowed a chemical to rewire my brain. I know that my next dip will kill me. Not immediately, but my next dip will get me chemically dependent on a known carcinogen, and eventually the cancer will kill me, so I now honestly believe that my net dip will kill me.

You'd think that belief would be enough motivation to keep that crap out of my face, but no, I needed more. I read about Cortez burning his boats, and I read about digging a quit hole, and I read about Closing the door. But what seems to resonate the most with me is "Supporting your quit makes my quit stronger". I don't recall exactly where I came across that, the fog has been pretty thick the last week, but that made a lot of sense to me, and I'm a sucker for a Win Win scenario.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: worktowin on July 21, 2016, 10:46:00 PM
If you post roll and keep your word, there is a 100% chance of success. It is hard, it gets a lot better. Like better to a degree that I can't describe, and if I could you wouldn't believe me.

One day at a time, brother....
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: KingNothing on July 25, 2016, 12:28:00 PM
Keep it up Edward. You're killing it right now and like ^^^ bad ass told you, it only gets better and better and better.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: jswiss11 on July 26, 2016, 02:45:00 PM
one day at a time brother Edward. It will get better - you can be assured of that. I know all about the mindgames and "the world conspiring against you" ! I was a fucking nutjob for about 25 days. get through that first 3-4 weeks and you'll be alright. do everything you can to keep your mind off it and your fingers clean.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: Edward on September 13, 2016, 09:14:00 AM
Day 70

When I started this, I honestly didn't think I'd make it to 70, but here I am. I've learned quite a bit in the last 70 days, I've had cravings and I've learned to ride the wave. I finally had my 'close the door' moment over the weekend.

Many years ago, before I started dipping, I started smoking a pipe. I built up a small collection of some really nice pipes, and I made a few of my own. I was traveling a lot at this point in my life, so every new town I went to, I'd find the local tobacconist and try the local pipe blends. I ordered blends from overseas, and anything that I really liked, I'd buy several pounds of and age myself. I kept this up for several years, but eventually moved on and forgot about it all. Last weekend I finally remembered that I still had all that stuff in a box somewhere, hadn't seen any of it since we moved 2 1/2 years ago. I knew that I had to get rid of it all, so went to locate the box. Moving disused golf clubs, several miles of coax that I'm keeping for some reason that escapes me, and a collection of books I haven't read since High School, I found it at the bottom of a closet and pulled it out. Got some rubber gloves on and started going through that box and throwing away sealed tins of Pipe Tobacco along with jars that I'd been aging since 1997.

I expected that I'd feel a small sense of regret, but it was the opposite, I felt liberated. Free of the NIC bitch completely. That was Saturday night, it's now Tuesday morning and I haven't had a crave since then, my longest stretch so far.

I know that I'm not cured, but I also know that I'll never dip again, it's just not an option any longer - and I can't tell you what a relief that is. I still have much work to do, to stay in this place, where nicotine is not an option, but at least for the moment, I'm glad that I'm at this place, and that KTC is in large port responsible for getting me there.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: B-loMatt on September 13, 2016, 10:35:00 AM
Quote from: Edward
Day 70

When I started this, I honestly didn't think I'd make it to 70, but here I am. I've learned quite a bit in the last 70 days, I've had cravings and I've learned to ride the wave. I finally had my 'close the door' moment over the weekend.

Many years ago, before I started dipping, I started smoking a pipe. I built up a small collection of some really nice pipes, and I made a few of my own. I was traveling a lot at this point in my life, so every new town I went to, I'd find the local tobacconist and try the local pipe blends. I ordered blends from overseas, and anything that I really liked, I'd buy several pounds of and age myself. I kept this up for several years, but eventually moved on and forgot about it all. Last weekend I finally remembered that I still had all that stuff in a box somewhere, hadn't seen any of it since we moved 2 1/2 years ago. I knew that I had to get rid of it all, so went to locate the box. Moving disused golf clubs, several miles of coax that I'm keeping for some reason that escapes me, and a collection of books I haven't read since High School, I found it at the bottom of a closet and pulled it out. Got some rubber gloves on and started going through that box and throwing away sealed tins of Pipe Tobacco along with jars that I'd been aging since 1997.

I expected that I'd feel a small sense of regret, but it was the opposite, I felt liberated. Free of the NIC bitch completely. That was Saturday night, it's now Tuesday morning and I haven't had a crave since then, my longest stretch so far.

I know that I'm not cured, but I also know that I'll never dip again, it's just not an option any longer - and I can't tell you what a relief that is. I still have much work to do, to stay in this place, where nicotine is not an option, but at least for the moment, I'm glad that I'm at this place, and that KTC is in large port responsible for getting me there.
Thanks for my morning quit wood :) !
Getting a few days free of craves is just a taste of how much better it gets. Days 70-90 can be tough. Keep doing what got you this far, and keep your quit-group focused. Also get ready for the post HOF caves :( (seems like every group has them...)
So awesome to be liberated from the poison! Keep it up Bad Ass!
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: Edward on September 13, 2016, 02:42:00 PM
Quote from: B-loMatt
Quote from: Edward
Day 70

When I started this, I honestly didn't think I'd make it to 70, but here I am. I've learned quite a bit in the last 70 days, I've had cravings and I've learned to ride the wave. I finally had my 'close the door' moment over the weekend.

Many years ago, before I started dipping, I started smoking a pipe. I built up a small collection of some really nice pipes, and I made a few of my own. I was traveling a lot at this point in my life, so every new town I went to, I'd find the local tobacconist and try the local pipe blends. I ordered blends from overseas, and anything that I really liked, I'd buy several pounds of and age myself. I kept this up for several years, but eventually moved on and forgot about it all. Last weekend I finally remembered that I still had all that stuff in a box somewhere, hadn't seen any of it since we moved 2 1/2 years ago. I knew that I had to get rid of it all, so went to locate the box. Moving disused golf clubs, several miles of coax that I'm keeping for some reason that escapes me, and a collection of books I haven't read since High School, I found it at the bottom of a closet and pulled it out. Got some rubber gloves on and started going through that box and throwing away sealed tins of Pipe Tobacco along with jars that I'd been aging since 1997.

I expected that I'd feel a small sense of regret, but it was the opposite, I felt liberated. Free of the NIC bitch completely. That was Saturday night, it's now Tuesday morning and I haven't had a crave since then, my longest stretch so far.

I know that I'm not cured, but I also know that I'll never dip again, it's just not an option any longer - and I can't tell you what a relief that is. I still have much work to do, to stay in this place, where nicotine is not an option, but at least for the moment, I'm glad that I'm at this place, and that KTC is in large port responsible for getting me there.
Thanks for my morning quit wood :) !
Getting a few days free of craves is just a taste of how much better it gets. Days 70-90 can be tough. Keep doing what got you this far, and keep your quit-group focused. Also get ready for the post HOF caves :( (seems like every group has them...)
So awesome to be liberated from the poison! Keep it up Bad Ass!
I've been dreading 'the funk', after the initial suck, the funk seems like the hardest part to get through. I'm doing everything I can to keep myself and my group involved, but I'm guessing that we are going to lose a few more before we all get to the train.

I'm really happy about where I'm at right now. In the past, that has always been immediately followed by the Shit hitting the Fan, but things are different this time.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: Cope30 on September 13, 2016, 03:11:00 PM
Hang tight my brother, it has been a Hell of a ride for me!
Starting to fell batter day by day.
I quit with you today.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: pab1964 on September 13, 2016, 03:18:00 PM
626 days later I feel a lot more comfortable in my quit. Not complacent, comfortable to the point I'm not using fake, chewing less and less gum. So many things change in your life for the better instead of when you dipped, for me it was always to the worst! Damn proud of you and proud to quit with you Edd!
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: Edward on September 14, 2016, 02:20:00 PM
Finally had the full Dental exam. A really bad tooth infection and the corresponding cancer scare is what precipitated my quit. I think dippers always have that nagging worry, and it surfaces when there is something seriously wrong in your mouth. I've had a root canal and a crown put in all since I quit, but I wanted a full on exam to make sure there wasn't something hiding somewhere.

I got lucky and they don't see any real long term issues. So that is a huge relief. So glad I'm nicotine free now.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: worktowin on September 15, 2016, 07:48:00 AM
Quote from: Edward
Finally had the full Dental exam. A really bad tooth infection and the corresponding cancer scare is what precipitated my quit. I think dippers always have that nagging worry, and it surfaces when there is something seriously wrong in your mouth. I've had a root canal and a crown put in all since I quit, but I wanted a full on exam to make sure there wasn't something hiding somewhere.

I got lucky and they don't see any real long term issues. So that is a huge relief. So glad I'm nicotine free now.
Well done sir. Appreciate how you support other groups too!
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: worktowin on October 13, 2016, 11:19:00 AM
Big day today, Edward.

Congratulations on a job well done. You are winning, the correct way.

It gets a whole lot better from here, but today you need to soak up the pride and puff your chest out like Dolly Parton... cause you are doing something that only the winningest of winners can do.

Honored to quit with you today.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: Idaho Spuds on October 13, 2016, 11:41:00 AM
Well done Edward!
Proud to quit with you!
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: Tjschu on October 13, 2016, 01:47:00 PM
Congrats on the HOF!!! You are truly a leader in your dumpster fire group.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: Thumblewort on October 13, 2016, 02:02:00 PM
Gratz, never look back.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: eyehatecope on October 13, 2016, 02:19:00 PM
Congrats and I'm glad to see you received that positive notification.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: Candoit on October 13, 2016, 09:30:00 PM
Kick ass on 100 days. Keep at it, ODAAT
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: pab1964 on October 13, 2016, 10:02:00 PM
Congratulations Edward! Welcome aboard your new life. We as addicts cannot stop posting! Continue on your journey!
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: Edward on October 14, 2016, 02:45:00 PM
Thanks for the support everyone - HoF speech is coming.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: Edward on October 20, 2016, 02:00:00 PM
HoF Speech - Rough Draft
The first 100 days - What I wish I knew when I started
I have now been posting at KTC for 100 days, and I wanted to take this opportunity to look back at my first 100 days and share my experiences with fledgling quitters, still looking to find their way.

First - Post roll first thing in the morning, every damn day. This is not negotiable, find your group and post roll. This is your promise to yourself and to this community that you will not use Nicotine in any form today. We take posting roll very seriously because it is the foundation of a strong quit. You can stay quit without posting roll, but if you post roll, you know that you will stay quit that day. At first, posting roll can seem intimating, but it's not hard. Yes, you will screw it up. Yes, you will eventually figure it out. Yes, it can be done from your phone. Here is a LINK (http://blog.killthecan.org/2015/03/how-to-post-roll-at-killthecan-org-video/) to an excellent post that walks you through the process of posting roll.

Second - You can outlast your cravings. If you are early in your quit, you are not a happy camper right about now. The first week or so is called "the Suck" for a reason, because it sucks. You will get through it, we have all been where you are right now and I promise that the pain you are feeling is not unique. Embrace how bad you feel and use it. It will get better and once it does, you then get to choose to never go through that again. Keep the Nicotine out of your body and you'll never have to go through withdrawals ever again. Both of these links are full of quitting tips that many have found helpful. Tips on Quitting (http://whyquit.com/pr/100305.html)  More Tips on Quitting (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=9740273&t=11568995.) Most important, avoid Alcohol for at least the first month. Eventually, you will be able to drink and not cave, but that time is not during your first month. I've seen more caves and the resulting Day 1 posts from drinking than for any other reason.

Next - Get to know the people in your group. The names above and below you on roll call are your fellow soldiers in this fight we all wage against Nicotine. Exchange phone numbers with these people, chatter back and forth in your group, invest in these people. There will come a day when your quit is threatened, and the support of your fellow quitters is the only thing that keeps you quit. Your quit group is your quit family. Like any other family, you don't get to choose who they are. Some of them you will hit it off with immediately, others will annoy you, but all of them will support you. Your group is yours to run the way your group wants to run it. Don't let outsiders define you, and don't make outsides police your group. When someone goes missing, your group should track them down. When someone in your group caves, your group should force them to answer the 3 questions. When someone decides that they are a special butterfly and the rules don't apply to them, it's up to your group to call them out and help them get their head back in the business of serious quitting.

Finally - Everything gets better. You are starting down a road that leads to something wonderful, your freedom. It's not an easy road to travel, but you are now among many fellow travelers, all of whom are willing to support you. Your Body and your Mind both need to heal. Put in the work now, let the healing begin and before too long you'll begin to glimpse what your life can be like without Nicotine. Don't give in, don't give up, you are literally in a fight for your life, and I know that you can do it.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: pky1520 on October 20, 2016, 07:53:00 PM
Glad you loaded up on that secret sauce! Great speech and congrats on your continued success!
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: FISHFLORIDA on October 20, 2016, 11:57:00 PM
Great job brother. Keep paying it forward and I look forward to staying quit with you.
Title: Re: "Something incredibly clever"
Post by: FLLipOut on July 06, 2017, 09:05:00 AM
'party' ONE YEAR QUIT!!! 'party' So proud to have you as a fellow Dumpster Fire in quit, Ed!

'party2' 'party2' 'party2'