KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: olcpo on November 26, 2019, 09:40:20 AM
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Fifty plus years of tobacco, some gaps, but have always managed to find my way back to the stuff. Tired. I want to be done. Been weaning off of cope mint pouches for maybe a week. Today is the first day of quit.
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Fifty plus years of tobacco, some gaps, but have always managed to find my way back to the stuff. Tired. I want to be done. Been weaning off of cope mint pouches for maybe a week. Today is the first day of quit.
Congrats on your decision to quit. Read everything you can, this site can help. If you have any questions don't hesitate to send a PM. You can do this!
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Thanks Redneb and andycan, appreciate it
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Hey olcpo,
Welcome to the best decision of your life. I dipped for 31 years and was up to 3 cans a day when I decided to quit 678 days ago. That is the key, "when I decided". The decision can't be anyone else's. This is one time when you are allowed to be selfish.
We quit here One Day At A Time (ODAAT) Every Damn Day (EDD). You did a great job posting roll today. Now you just need to repeat that process daily. Wake Up, Piss, Post (WUPP) is our mantra. It means as soon as you get up in the morning and do your business, get on the site and post your promise to remain nicotine free for the day. If you only do that, everyday, you will be quit as long as you are a man of your word.
If you want to strengthen your quit, get involved in your group and get involved in other groups. Also, meeting other quitters in person is a real boost to your quit, it's much harder to break a promise to someone you have actually met in person than it is a stranger behind a user name on the screen. That is why it is so important to build those bonds of brotherhood. We do that by exchanging phone numbers with each other and actually using those numbers. Those numbers also are an instant access to support if you ever need it. Just phone a brother up.
My number is always available for the asking. I encourage you to get everyone's phone number that joins the March group and then some of the vets as well.
Proud to quit with you today,
Chris
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Olcpo,
Great decision to give it up. Last year, at right about this time, I was contemplating giving up my 30+ year addition with nicotine. I waited a few more days and ending up quitting on December 4th, which is the best decision I have made. 358 days later I still WUPP (wake up piss post) and post my promise EDD (every damn day). I joined the site after about 30 days of quitting on my own and without KTC, and the brotherhood that I have made, I seriously doubt I would be where I am at. Use the site, as there is a lot of great information on here, and do not be afraid to use the support network. My number is available if you need and I am damn proud to quit with you today.
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Day 1 almost done. A few tense moments, the clock ticks and I kept moving.
I want to thank all of you that PM'd me this morning. Fantastic advice, very supportive, open, honest. I kept thinking about the tips and words you shared all day. It helped, Thank you.
I cleaned out ALL of the tobacco I had rat holed in various places, started a fire in the woodstove in my shop and threw it all in. May not sound like much but it was quite the ceremony for me. All kinds of emotions, but very final. a thick spot right in the middle of my forehead, almost a headache, very on edge, having to really not speak without thinking, impulsive. Warned wife of 45 years whats going on so she just hands it right back to me, which I appreciate.
Thanks again, See you in the morning at roll call
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Day 2! I feel good this morning. Excited for another day. I never realized how binding this stuff was. "Freedom" has taken on a new meaning. Wake up in the morning, where's my chew?, oh yeah I don't do that anymore, kewl, coffee tastes really good. Not tied to the can anymore, still pat my pocket to see if its there, then remember...
Thanks everyone. It means a lot to sign in to roll call and see all of the support from you guys that are successful, many days over, still there to support the newbies. Something to aspire to, Thanks!
To this point in life, "Quitter" has been a derogatory and negative term. Now I am proud to be a quitter. A great number of changes, all good, go along with this Quit thing. Anxious to see the next realization and wow.
I know there will be moments ahead that will be real tough, but I do not fear it. Bring it on! Pretty bold, but with all the support here I really am not worried about it.
Grateful, Appreciative, in God's grace.
Olcpo
Kevin
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Day 3 Thanksgiving Day More than usual to be thankful for. No nicotine, tobacco free. Not capable by myself. I feel led to this forum. I knew I needed to quit. I want to work at a christian camp, just be a dishwasher, but they have a no tobacco policy. Other things started popping up that there was nothing good about this stuff, which took the "pleasure" away. Tried quitting by myself then caved...many times, maybe get a day then right back at it. Prayed, still praying, admitted I can't do it, give it to God, found KTC. Read for 2 days before I registered and quit. Blabbing too much, will work on fewer words. Grateful, thankful and I wish you that read this a most blessed Thanksgiving.
Kevin
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Day 4 - Had a good Thanksgiving day. No wrecks. I have found my main trigger is after I get done eating. So yesterday I just never got done eating, no trigger. Today I won't eat and maybe no trigger. It seems when it hits it doesn't last long any way, as you all say one minute at a time, one hour, one day...
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Day 5 - feeling good, woke up way too early (4), too much sitting and eating, today I must move it move it. Your support, knowledge, encouragement, likes are priceless. Thank you.
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Day 6 - So far so good. Headed to church, grateful, feeling God's grace. KTC is a gift from God to help me through this. Know that I appreciate all who have responded, shared, contacted and thank God for all of you on this site. My beliefs, not meant to impose anything on anyone. This group has taught me whatever it takes to stay quit is ok. All of these things are working for me.
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Day 7 Dreamed about chew last night, trouble going back to sleep. Glad it was only a dream. Headed into the big city today, dreading the icy roads and traffic. I would rather stay under my rock up here on the mountain side. Life goes on in spite of us. Grateful for another day. Grace. Looking for the good in all things, seems a little foggy at the moment. Endeavor to persevere. Got to get moving. olcpo-out
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Day 7 Dreamed about chew last night, trouble going back to sleep. Glad it was only a dream. Headed into the big city today, dreading the icy roads and traffic. I would rather stay under my rock up here on the mountain side. Life goes on in spite of us. Grateful for another day. Grace. Looking for the good in all things, seems a little foggy at the moment. Endeavor to persevere. Got to get moving. olcpo-out
Those dreams suck! But they also make you feel really grateful that you don’t chew or dip that junk anymore once you realize it’s just a dream. Way to go on one week!
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Day 7 Dreamed about chew last night, trouble going back to sleep. Glad it was only a dream. Headed into the big city today, dreading the icy roads and traffic. I would rather stay under my rock up here on the mountain side. Life goes on in spite of us. Grateful for another day. Grace. Looking for the good in all things, seems a little foggy at the moment. Endeavor to persevere. Got to get moving. olcpo-out
Those dreams suck! But they also make you feel really grateful that you don’t chew or dip that junk anymore once you realize it’s just a dream. Way to go on one week!
I love that you are documenting your days. I think it will be greatly valuable in the days to come and also if it helps one person it’s worth it, right? Your attitude will inspire! Proud to quit with you!
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Day 7 Dreamed about chew last night, trouble going back to sleep. Glad it was only a dream. Headed into the big city today, dreading the icy roads and traffic. I would rather stay under my rock up here on the mountain side. Life goes on in spite of us. Grateful for another day. Grace. Looking for the good in all things, seems a little foggy at the moment. Endeavor to persevere. Got to get moving. olcpo-out
Those dreams suck! But they also make you feel really grateful that you don’t chew or dip that junk anymore once you realize it’s just a dream. Way to go on one week!
I love that you are documenting your days. I think it will be greatly valuable in the days to come and also if it helps one person it’s worth it, right? Your attitude will inspire! Proud to quit with you!
Keep going what you are DJ ok g and let those days add up. It gets soooo much better. Reach out if I can help.
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Day 7 Dreamed about chew last night, trouble going back to sleep. Glad it was only a dream. Headed into the big city today, dreading the icy roads and traffic. I would rather stay under my rock up here on the mountain side. Life goes on in spite of us. Grateful for another day. Grace. Looking for the good in all things, seems a little foggy at the moment. Endeavor to persevere. Got to get moving. olcpo-out
So went to the big city 60 miles of freeway to a town of 80k from a town of 800. Might as well be nyc or some other big city, all of the traffic crap and jerks. Going into town 4 lane bumper to bumper, icy, sitting through two lights to get through an intersection and some clown cuts me off, slam on the breaks, I am ready for battle. Wound tight, horn honkin' bird flyin', hit the gas ride his ass. Red hot steaming, on fire (I think they call it rage). He turns off, wife mentions we are late for her appointment...Woke up outta my trance...where did that come from? Wife a little bug eyed. I was in it before I knew it, wife says something about how its been 30 years since she has seen me act like that...An hour later, sitting in walmart parking lot reading a book, car pulls in next to me, WHAM, sob opens his door and hits my truck hard enough to rock it. Here we go again, book flies across the cab, I'm yelling, he's apologizing back-pedaling, "I've gotta bad hip..." I'm all over that, "I've gotta bad knee does that give me the right to kick the shit out of your car door?" Young kid gets out of driver side, "ain't his car" that snapped me out of it. My hands go up "I'm Sorry" Feeling foolish get back in the truck and read book. Must have got it outta my system, the rest of the day went well.
Not happy at all with my performance. First trip to the big city without my drugs in my lip, what a ride. Feel like I have to learn all over again after crawling out of the stupor of nicotine. I hope the mellow/civility returns soon, before I justifiably get my ass kicked for being a jerk. I do not like this waking up in a rage stuff. I have yet to pick up a cue that its coming on. I will pay attention as tomorrow I have to go back in for my dr. stuff. We will see if the old fool can be taught. Any suggestions from the vets of this war?
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Day 7 Dreamed about chew last night, trouble going back to sleep. Glad it was only a dream. Headed into the big city today, dreading the icy roads and traffic. I would rather stay under my rock up here on the mountain side. Life goes on in spite of us. Grateful for another day. Grace. Looking for the good in all things, seems a little foggy at the moment. Endeavor to persevere. Got to get moving. olcpo-out
So went to the big city 60 miles of freeway to a town of 80k from a town of 800. Might as well be nyc or some other big city, all of the traffic crap and jerks. Going into town 4 lane bumper to bumper, icy, sitting through two lights to get through an intersection and some clown cuts me off, slam on the breaks, I am ready for battle. Wound tight, horn honkin' bird flyin', hit the gas ride his ass. Red hot steaming, on fire (I think they call it rage). He turns off, wife mentions we are late for her appointment...Woke up outta my trance...where did that come from? Wife a little bug eyed. I was in it before I knew it, wife says something about how its been 30 years since she has seen me act like that...An hour later, sitting in walmart parking lot reading a book, car pulls in next to me, WHAM, sob opens his door and hits my truck hard enough to rock it. Here we go again, book flies across the cab, I'm yelling, he's apologizing back-pedaling, "I've gotta bad hip..." I'm all over that, "I've gotta bad knee does that give me the right to kick the shit out of your car door?" Young kid gets out of driver side, "ain't his car" that snapped me out of it. My hands go up "I'm Sorry" Feeling foolish get back in the truck and read book. Must have got it outta my system, the rest of the day went well.
Not happy at all with my performance. First trip to the big city without my drugs in my lip, what a ride. Feel like I have to learn all over again after crawling out of the stupor of nicotine. I hope the mellow/civility returns soon, before I justifiably get my ass kicked for being a jerk. I do not like this waking up in a rage stuff. I have yet to pick up a cue that its coming on. I will pay attention as tomorrow I have to go back in for my dr. stuff. We will see if the old fool can be taught. Any suggestions from the vets of this war?
Give it time. You body/brain is doing a lot of relearning. But it will learn. Just give it time.
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Day 8 - A new Day. Going back to the city, gotta beat the rage. This whole thing is about not letting something from outside control or overshadow whats inside. Choice. Every time I am on the other side looking back regretting an action, there was a choice that I made. My regret comes from having to deal with the consequences of that CHOICE that I made. Make the right choice, no regrets. Sounds easy, but...
Today more Being Less doing. I am going to observe my reactions before they become action, try to figure out how to get the jump on the undesirable reaction that I will regret. Prayer. Grace.
Heading for town...
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Day 8 pt 2 - Back from town. I think I can be taught and am learning. Spotted 3 instances where it (anger) was coming on and stomped it before it could get away. All traffic no big deal stuff, but it felt good to stifle it. I am well aware I did this to myself, hence the big focus to not be anything negative to anyone else. I appreciate common thread of do something productive with the anger, so I'm walking and yelling at cows
I also cut my coffee in half this morning. I think it helped. I am having a cup this afternoon, but not stacking it all in the a.m.. A pharmacist friend recommended it, said without the nicotine there the effects of the caffeine would/could be amplified same with sugar. So giving it a try.
I appreciate all the responses, means the world and really helps.
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Day 8 pt 2 - Back from town. I think I can be taught and am learning. Spotted 3 instances where it (anger) was coming on and stomped it before it could get away. All traffic no big deal stuff, but it felt good to stifle it. I am well aware I did this to myself, hence the big focus to not be anything negative to anyone else. I appreciate common thread of do something productive with the anger, so I'm walking and yelling at cows
I also cut my coffee in half this morning. I think it helped. I am having a cup this afternoon, but not stacking it all in the a.m.. A pharmacist friend recommended it, said without the nicotine there the effects of the caffeine would/could be amplified same with sugar. So giving it a try.
I appreciate all the responses, means the world and really helps.
That is strong quit at work! If you run out of cows to yell at, my neighbor has a bunch of them. 8)
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Day 9 - One minute at a time. Can't tell if I am fighting off a bug of some sort or if the Nic demons are tormenting me. Afternoons and evenings seem to be the toughest, ragged out tired anything seems to be construed as stressful. Gaining weight 8 pounds in a week. Need to make better choices as to how I spend my time. Too much sitting and thinking. Yesterday was more being less doing, today find the happy medium between the two. Yesterday I noticed I was craving the fake pouch. I wouldn't let myself have one. No more anything because I crave it, I need to add food to that list. What a mess...OMAAT
Olcpo-out
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Day 9 - One minute at a time. Can't tell if I am fighting off a bug of some sort or if the Nic demons are tormenting me. Afternoons and evenings seem to be the toughest, ragged out tired anything seems to be construed as stressful. Gaining weight 8 pounds in a week. Need to make better choices as to how I spend my time. Too much sitting and thinking. Yesterday was more being less doing, today find the happy medium between the two. Yesterday I noticed I was craving the fake pouch. I wouldn't let myself have one. No more anything because I crave it, I need to add food to that list. What a mess...OMAAT
Olcpo-out
@olcpo (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=16159) I'm a big person on the one second at a time concept. Day 9 I hated life and stuffed my face with all the food I can get."Too much sitting and thinking" you got to try to avoid that. Even if it's going for a walk go find something to do. Distractions can be your best friend. They have been for me especially at day 9. It's going to suck my man but you are doing everything right for it to one day not suck. You are kicking ass proud to quit with you today. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.
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@SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) Thanks Six, Your wise words come at a great time. Gotta crawl outta this funk and move. Thanks Man I appreciate Ya'
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Day 10 - Double digits WooHoo! I feel good this morning! Almost human like. Yesterday wasn't this good, but the Vets picked me up kicked me in the ass, got me moving. I did my workout, got all sweaty, went for a long walk, actually got some honey-doos knocked out. Thanks Guys!
I got to see the wrath of KTC on those that choose to cave. Wow! Really impressed with the fervor and intensity used to get the person right, humbled, responsible and back on track. Genuine concern and a definite line to meet the standard of Quit. Three questions, WUPP.
I kept thinking of John 8: 1-11, all through this story the woman was facing death by stoning. "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." "Where are those that condemn you? All left. Neither do I condemn you, Go and sin no more." Her heart had to be right for her to be given another chance. I saw that in the process yesterday. Answer the three questions, accept responsibility, fix what broke, learn from it, move on.
Another thought that came home to roost was "Reap what you Sow". And "There but for the grace of God go I".
So ODAAT! Workout today, walk, get the ceiling started in the garage, (flying solo with sheets of plywood should be a ride)
I did not do the fake chew yesterday, seemed to help. What is it about a little round can with leaves and stems in it that causes my mouth to water? I hate it when an inanimate object gets the best of me... Olcpo- out
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Day 10 - Double digits WooHoo! I feel good this morning! Almost human like. Yesterday wasn't this good, but the Vets picked me up kicked me in the ass, got me moving. I did my workout, got all sweaty, went for a long walk, actually got some honey-doos knocked out. Thanks Guys!
I got to see the wrath of KTC on those that choose to cave. Wow! Really impressed with the fervor and intensity used to get the person right, humbled, responsible and back on track. Genuine concern and a definite line to meet the standard of Quit. Three questions, WUPP.
I kept thinking of John 8: 1-11, all through this story the woman was facing death by stoning. "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." "Where are those that condemn you? All left. Neither do I condemn you, Go and sin no more." Her heart had to be right for her to be given another chance. I saw that in the process yesterday. Answer the three questions, accept responsibility, fix what broke, learn from it, move on.
Another thought that came home to roost was "Reap what you Sow". And "There but for the grace of God go I".
So ODAAT! Workout today, walk, get the ceiling started in the garage, (flying solo with sheets of plywood should be a ride)
I did not do the fake chew yesterday, seemed to help. What is it about a little round can with leaves and stems in it that causes my mouth to water? I hate it when an inanimate object gets the best of me... Olcpo- out
Congrats on double digits! Keeping busy and active like you’re doing is one of the best things you can do early on. And hopefully it will become habit forming and will continue to help you in the weeks, months and years to come. I would just add to also try and take in loads of water if you aren’t already, to help flush out all of those toxins.
I tell people that ask about my quit that my life changed exponentially after I quit dipping. It doesn’t happen overnight, it happens after days and weeks and months of a growing, holistic change to your overall well-being. So many good decisions and good choices seem to result directly or indirectly from your option to quit each day. In that process, which is inevitably a struggle at times, you grow, improve and strengthen mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Keep it up! PTQWYT
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Day 10 - Double digits WooHoo! I feel good this morning! Almost human like. Yesterday wasn't this good, but the Vets picked me up kicked me in the ass, got me moving. I did my workout, got all sweaty, went for a long walk, actually got some honey-doos knocked out. Thanks Guys!
I got to see the wrath of KTC on those that choose to cave. Wow! Really impressed with the fervor and intensity used to get the person right, humbled, responsible and back on track. Genuine concern and a definite line to meet the standard of Quit. Three questions, WUPP.
I kept thinking of John 8: 1-11, all through this story the woman was facing death by stoning. "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." "Where are those that condemn you? All left. Neither do I condemn you, Go and sin no more." Her heart had to be right for her to be given another chance. I saw that in the process yesterday. Answer the three questions, accept responsibility, fix what broke, learn from it, move on.
Another thought that came home to roost was "Reap what you Sow". And "There but for the grace of God go I".
So ODAAT! Workout today, walk, get the ceiling started in the garage, (flying solo with sheets of plywood should be a ride)
I did not do the fake chew yesterday, seemed to help. What is it about a little round can with leaves and stems in it that causes my mouth to water? I hate it when an inanimate object gets the best of me... Olcpo- out
Congratulations on the double digits olcpo! You sound in great spirits. Keep it up! PTQWYT
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Day 11 - Feeling good quit wise. Felt all good yesterday and over did the work-on-garage stuff, very sore and achy today. Headed into Town again today. I think I am past the rage thing, we will see. I will have to stop and apologize to the girls in the pasture for yelling at them, cows have feelings too.
Biggest thing right now is getting my appetite figured out. Before, chew and coffee killed off the appetite so I could go most of the day without food. Almost had an upset stomach all the time as I gutted the stuff. Now the appetite has come back with a fury. +10lbs in as many days. I am a "If a little is good, More is better" person. Never get full can always shove more in... The chew is gone. Not an option or in the picture at all. Moved on. @AndyCan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1681) talked of holistic change over your whole being from good choices as a result of the quit. My interaction with food is the next focus. Holidays and a wife that is an amazing cook will be the excuses. The nic quit is absolute, no quarter. Food not so much, still have to interact with it. ODAAT, OMAAT(minute and meal)
More water. 'Nuff said Olcpo - out
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My appetite has been strong as well. Been downing lots of ice cream.
I've also been using sunflower seeds and those lifesaver mints.
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day 12 - The good outweighs the bad: Days, energy, getting things done, lack of the fog funk, no guilt over crap in my lip, not worried about the next can, looking for the next thing to change in this life, the feeling of moving on to the next great adventure. "Thy loving kindness is everlasting."
Heading out to get a Christmas tree today. Feeling good. I had a great visit with my Physical Therapist yesterday. She has turned into almost a life coach. She literally exploded when I told her I was 11 days quit. The most animated I had seen her. "That is HUGE!", she said. She started in on all I had to look forward to as the nicotine leaves and the healing begins. Most encouraging. She was impressed as I shared what KTC is and does, she especially liked WUPP. We talked at length about lifestyle changes and habits. She chronicled all of my physical changes since I started with her. The take away was how much I take progress for granted, almost greedily grasping for that next hurdle without taking into account and being grateful for what has been accomplished.
I came to KTC because I could not do it on my own. I feel I was led here, as I was praying for grace and giving it to God (surrender) because I couldn't do it. A websearch later...now 12 days quit and looking at the next hurdle. I am grateful for the quit. I am just beginning to glimpse what I have sacrificed for years to the nicotine gods. The First Commandment, "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me, thou shalt not bow down to them nor worship them..." . I can easily and definitely place the driven worship of tobacco/nicotine and the "religious" habit within those words. I never realized it. Insidious. Nothing got in the way of my habit, I Always made sure I had chew, no matter what. Were I so diligent to other things in my life.
So now I am seeking and rooting out the other "gods". What else have I allowed to creep in and take me away from that which is important? Andycan talks about the exponential changes that accompanied his quit. I see it too.
As always, these are my thoughts and what works for me. PTQWYT
Olcpo - out
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day 12 - The good outweighs the bad: Days, energy, getting things done, lack of the fog funk, no guilt over crap in my lip, not worried about the next can, looking for the next thing to change in this life, the feeling of moving on to the next great adventure. "Thy loving kindness is everlasting."
Heading out to get a Christmas tree today. Feeling good. I had a great visit with my Physical Therapist yesterday. She has turned into almost a life coach. She literally exploded when I told her I was 11 days quit. The most animated I had seen her. "That is HUGE!", she said. She started in on all I had to look forward to as the nicotine leaves and the healing begins. Most encouraging. She was impressed as I shared what KTC is and does, she especially liked WUPP. We talked at length about lifestyle changes and habits. She chronicled all of my physical changes since I started with her. The take away was how much I take progress for granted, almost greedily grasping for that next hurdle without taking into account and being grateful for what has been accomplished.
I came to KTC because I could not do it on my own. I feel I was led here, as I was praying for grace and giving it to God (surrender) because I couldn't do it. A websearch later...now 12 days quit and looking at the next hurdle. I am grateful for the quit. I am just beginning to glimpse what I have sacrificed for years to the nicotine gods. The First Commandment, "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me, thou shalt not bow down to them nor worship them..." . I can easily and definitely place the driven worship of tobacco/nicotine and the "religious" habit within those words. I never realized it. Insidious. Nothing got in the way of my habit, I Always made sure I had chew, no matter what. Were I so diligent to other things in my life.
So now I am seeking and rooting out the other "gods". What else have I allowed to creep in and take me away from that which is important? Andycan talks about the exponential changes that accompanied his quit. I see it too.
As always, these are my thoughts and what works for me. PTQWYT
Olcpo - out
@olcpo (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=16159) I too fall into that that religion of nicotine. Grizzly wintergreen is all I worshipped. Even now I can still smell that wintergreen as if there was a can in front of me. I didnt care who or what I destroyed as long as I got my fix. But dont you dare come in front of me and my tin. I will bite your head off. Crazy how the addict mind works. KTC is the only thing that has successfully helped me stay quit. 110 days here brother I promise you it does get better. I'm gonna steal a post from someone who has helped me navigate my journey through quit..
think about the things you've heard people say in life...
-man I wish I had a different job
-I sure wish I hadn't had that 4th kid with my sister (I'm from the ozarks, ok?)
-I never should have gotten married
-I hate my house.
Have you ever, ever heard a single person say " I wish I had never quit smoking/chewing?"
Stay strong you are doing fantastic I'm always a PM away if you need anything
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Olcpo,
Thanks for taking the time to write down your experiences. Reading through your posts has helped me crush a crave and renewed my will for the next couple seconds, minute, hour...who knows. Keep it up man. You're doing great.
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Day 13 - Kind of a rough one. Started out good, slept ok for not exercising yesterday. Had nice slow start getting ready for church. Got to church and I was on edge. Reminded me of when I was steroids for a knee. Everything amplified, intense, any little noise loud and distracting, most comfortable with eyes closed, tense across the forehead, almost vibrating. No blow ups I was good. Prayed a lot, kept my mouth shut, closed my eyes, sensory overload. Made it home, ate still felt raunchy.
Had to go to neighbors for a Christmas thing, more social nicey-nice, I want to crawl in a hole. Made it through, still feel like crap. Everything aches, joints, back... Tomorrow is another day. Feels like everyday is a crap shoot as to how I am going to feel...Time will tell. When does it quit being a tobacco problem and becomes a me problem?
Olcpo - out
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Day 13 - Kind of a rough one. Started out good, slept ok for not exercising yesterday. Had nice slow start getting ready for church. Got to church and I was on edge. Reminded me of when I was steroids for a knee. Everything amplified, intense, any little noise loud and distracting, most comfortable with eyes closed, tense across the forehead, almost vibrating. No blow ups I was good. Prayed a lot, kept my mouth shut, closed my eyes, sensory overload. Made it home, ate still felt raunchy.
Had to go to neighbors for a Christmas thing, more social nicey-nice, I want to crawl in a hole. Made it through, still feel like crap. Everything aches, joints, back... Tomorrow is another day. Feels like everyday is a crap shoot as to how I am going to feel...Time will tell. When does it quit being a tobacco problem and becomes a me problem?
Olcpo - out
It’s different for everyone. You should start having better days soon. As I recall things improved that third week of quit. Stay strong, it will get better.
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Day 13 - Kind of a rough one. Started out good, slept ok for not exercising yesterday. Had nice slow start getting ready for church. Got to church and I was on edge. Reminded me of when I was steroids for a knee. Everything amplified, intense, any little noise loud and distracting, most comfortable with eyes closed, tense across the forehead, almost vibrating. No blow ups I was good. Prayed a lot, kept my mouth shut, closed my eyes, sensory overload. Made it home, ate still felt raunchy.
Had to go to neighbors for a Christmas thing, more social nicey-nice, I want to crawl in a hole. Made it through, still feel like crap. Everything aches, joints, back... Tomorrow is another day. Feels like everyday is a crap shoot as to how I am going to feel...Time will tell. When does it quit being a tobacco problem and becomes a me problem?
Olcpo - out
It’s different for everyone. You should start having better days soon. As I recall things improved that third week of quit. Stay strong, it will get better.
Nomore is right. It’s highly individual. I think what most quitters would tell you though is that the bad days continue to become less frequent and less severe (at least physically speaking). I still have mental challenges and have had funks some days (even in the 200s or 300s), longing for a dip, for the freedom to be able to enjoy that again. It hits usually when I’m bored or in a bad mood or both. But, I have the tools and the knowledge I’ve gained on KTC and from other quitters to know that’s just my addiction trying to gain some advantage in my mind, trying to take hold somewhere so when I do have that REALLY bad day or REALLY good day, maybe just maybe I’ll have let my guard down so much that I give in and do the dumbest thing I possibly could.
So that’s where my attention turns to on those days or those moments where I might feel it’s unfair that I can’t enjoy a dip of snuff again. I find comfort that I have guys and gals supporting my quit, that my daily promise means something, that I have to set an example for other guys that come up with me and behind me. The days quit will add up and most may not mean much to you. So celebrate hard the ones that do mean something, the milestones, the rough days where you were strong enough to not give in, the days where other quitters needed your help, the days where you needed theirs.
Keep quitting for today and we’ll do the same with you Kevin.
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Day 13 - Kind of a rough one. Started out good, slept ok for not exercising yesterday. Had nice slow start getting ready for church. Got to church and I was on edge. Reminded me of when I was steroids for a knee. Everything amplified, intense, any little noise loud and distracting, most comfortable with eyes closed, tense across the forehead, almost vibrating. No blow ups I was good. Prayed a lot, kept my mouth shut, closed my eyes, sensory overload. Made it home, ate still felt raunchy.
Had to go to neighbors for a Christmas thing, more social nicey-nice, I want to crawl in a hole. Made it through, still feel like crap. Everything aches, joints, back... Tomorrow is another day. Feels like everyday is a crap shoot as to how I am going to feel...Time will tell. When does it quit being a tobacco problem and becomes a me problem?
Olcpo - out
Geeeez I'm so glad you're blogging this out. I remember those first three weeks well now. Darn near ground my teeth to powder. Yeah, man. It does get better. AND - you never have to repeat it if you choose not to.
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Day 14 - I waited until this evening to write this stuff out. Much better today, almost tired from the intensity of yesterday. Had more to do today that didn't involve social junk. Always been a loner, at least content or comfortable when alone, only child. So today was refreshing. And I felt better. I find it interesting the scale and intensity of emotion and the physical and mental variation showing up. I don't do zombie stuff, but I feel like a recovering zombie who gave my brains to a can of tobacco, now suddenly I have my brains back and there are times I'm not sure if I want them. I know I don't want the tobacco back, but the brains are a little intense at times. Whoaaa Dude
We will see what tomorrow brings. I appreciate all of the comments and support. It makes all of the difference.
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Keep pouring it out olcpo. I have found that nothing helps me more than writing down how I'm feeling. Sometimes it's the only thing that helps. Furthermore, you're helping folks who are reading your experience. I know bc I'm one of them.
You're doing great man. Keep that perspective and you'll be good. One day! You can push through almost anything for one day. Repeat. And eventually, they tell me, it gets easier.
PTBQWYT my friend.
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Day 13 - Kind of a rough one. Started out good, slept ok for not exercising yesterday. Had nice slow start getting ready for church. Got to church and I was on edge. Reminded me of when I was steroids for a knee. Everything amplified, intense, any little noise loud and distracting, most comfortable with eyes closed, tense across the forehead, almost vibrating. No blow ups I was good. Prayed a lot, kept my mouth shut, closed my eyes, sensory overload. Made it home, ate still felt raunchy.
Had to go to neighbors for a Christmas thing, more social nicey-nice, I want to crawl in a hole. Made it through, still feel like crap. Everything aches, joints, back... Tomorrow is another day. Feels like everyday is a crap shoot as to how I am going to feel...Time will tell. When does it quit being a tobacco problem and becomes a me problem?
Olcpo - out
It’s different for everyone. You should start having better days soon. As I recall things improved that third week of quit. Stay strong, it will get better.
Nomore is right. It’s highly individual. I think what most quitters would tell you though is that the bad days continue to become less frequent and less severe (at least physically speaking). I still have mental challenges and have had funks some days (even in the 200s or 300s), longing for a dip, for the freedom to be able to enjoy that again. It hits usually when I’m bored or in a bad mood or both. But, I have the tools and the knowledge I’ve gained on KTC and from other quitters to know that’s just my addiction trying to gain some advantage in my mind, trying to take hold somewhere so when I do have that REALLY bad day or REALLY good day, maybe just maybe I’ll have let my guard down so much that I give in and do the dumbest thing I possibly could.
So that’s where my attention turns to on those days or those moments where I might feel it’s unfair that I can’t enjoy a dip of snuff again. I find comfort that I have guys and gals supporting my quit, that my daily promise means something, that I have to set an example for other guys that come up with me and behind me. The days quit will add up and most may not mean much to you. So celebrate hard the ones that do mean something, the milestones, the rough days where you were strong enough to not give in, the days where other quitters needed your help, the days where you needed theirs.
Keep quitting for today and we’ll do the same with you Kevin.
@AndyCan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1681) @Nomore1959 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=6) reading back through... Thanks again for this Post. It really hits home this Morning. Looks like the sun is going to shine today (been a few w/o) So I am declaring a good day and will fight to make it so. I hope the same for you. PTQWYT
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Day 15 - A good day. Started busy and stayed that way. I retired 3 years ago July. I am as busy as I want to be. I have a few friends I work far as they need help. Today I exercised harder than usual, felt good, made it work. Not sure about moving tomorrow, but we will see. Wound up helping a friend this afternoon for a few hours. I say all this to share that - The lack of a fatty in my lip was not an issue today. No brain games. Everything worked. The thought of the crap crossed my mind 3 times and was quickly disparaged, almost laughed at, and gone. So as you all have said It does get better, the brain stuff gets less and LIFE (clean without poison in my face) goes on. I am celebrating a good day and will remember this the next whiner day I have. The cows waved as I drove by. they seemed disappointed I didn't stop to "talk" to them.
Thanks KTC. All you have said to expect has happened, Good and Bad. Also as you have said "the good outweighs the bad". ODAAT and tomorrow is a new day.
Olcpo - out
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Day 16 - Another good day. Stayed busy, didn't eat too much (yet). I'm hoping the "good" continues. I figured out a trigger I hadn't counted on. My oldest daughter. She can push buttons like no other. She called this morning and after a short grunt session, I can't get a word in edgewise so I grunt and listen to her blather, I was reaching for the phony mint chew. Caught me flatfooted. Got rid of it, lesson learned. Now she called back and is scheduling a conference call tonight (8pm mst) regarding my grandson. Never know with her, drama and dumping her crap on someone else is her specialty. "I have a problem. What are you going to do about it?" We will see what this stirs up.
Not excited about being spun up and trying to go to bed. What this tells me is I have a long ways to go. All of the chew I sucked on never fixed any of her crap before. NO ONE is worth losing MY quit over. She may win other battles, but this is a hill I choose to die on.
I will be back on this post. Getting more riled the more I think. I sense I will need to blather myself on this one. Olcpo - over
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Day 16 - Another good day. Stayed busy, didn't eat too much (yet). I'm hoping the "good" continues. I figured out a trigger I hadn't counted on. My oldest daughter. She can push buttons like no other. She called this morning and after a short grunt session, I can't get a word in edgewise so I grunt and listen to her blather, I was reaching for the phony mint chew. Caught me flatfooted. Got rid of it, lesson learned. Now she called back and is scheduling a conference call tonight (8pm mst) regarding my grandson. Never know with her, drama and dumping her crap on someone else is her specialty. "I have a problem. What are you going to do about it?" We will see what this stirs up.
Not excited about being spun up and trying to go to bed. What this tells me is I have a long ways to go. All of the chew I sucked on never fixed any of her crap before. NO ONE is worth losing MY quit over. She may win other battles, but this is a hill I choose to die on.
I will be back on this post. Getting more riled the more I think. I sense I will need to blather myself on this one. Olcpo - over
You could always NOT answer the phone. ;D
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Day 16 - Another good day. Stayed busy, didn't eat too much (yet). I'm hoping the "good" continues. I figured out a trigger I hadn't counted on. My oldest daughter. She can push buttons like no other. She called this morning and after a short grunt session, I can't get a word in edgewise so I grunt and listen to her blather, I was reaching for the phony mint chew. Caught me flatfooted. Got rid of it, lesson learned. Now she called back and is scheduling a conference call tonight (8pm mst) regarding my grandson. Never know with her, drama and dumping her crap on someone else is her specialty. "I have a problem. What are you going to do about it?" We will see what this stirs up.
Not excited about being spun up and trying to go to bed. What this tells me is I have a long ways to go. All of the chew I sucked on never fixed any of her crap before. NO ONE is worth losing MY quit over. She may win other battles, but this is a hill I choose to die on.
I will be back on this post. Getting more riled the more I think. I sense I will need to blather myself on this one. Olcpo - over
You could always NOT answer the phone. ;D
I hadn't thought of that... hmmm
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Day 16 - Another good day. Stayed busy, didn't eat too much (yet). I'm hoping the "good" continues. I figured out a trigger I hadn't counted on. My oldest daughter. She can push buttons like no other. She called this morning and after a short grunt session, I can't get a word in edgewise so I grunt and listen to her blather, I was reaching for the phony mint chew. Caught me flatfooted. Got rid of it, lesson learned. Now she called back and is scheduling a conference call tonight (8pm mst) regarding my grandson. Never know with her, drama and dumping her crap on someone else is her specialty. "I have a problem. What are you going to do about it?" We will see what this stirs up.
Not excited about being spun up and trying to go to bed. What this tells me is I have a long ways to go. All of the chew I sucked on never fixed any of her crap before. NO ONE is worth losing MY quit over. She may win other battles, but this is a hill I choose to die on.
I will be back on this post. Getting more riled the more I think. I sense I will need to blather myself on this one. Olcpo - over
You could always NOT answer the phone. ;D
I hadn't thought of that... hmmm
How’d the call go? Hopefully not as bad as you expected?
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Day 16 - Another good day. Stayed busy, didn't eat too much (yet). I'm hoping the "good" continues. I figured out a trigger I hadn't counted on. My oldest daughter. She can push buttons like no other. She called this morning and after a short grunt session, I can't get a word in edgewise so I grunt and listen to her blather, I was reaching for the phony mint chew. Caught me flatfooted. Got rid of it, lesson learned. Now she called back and is scheduling a conference call tonight (8pm mst) regarding my grandson. Never know with her, drama and dumping her crap on someone else is her specialty. "I have a problem. What are you going to do about it?" We will see what this stirs up.
Not excited about being spun up and trying to go to bed. What this tells me is I have a long ways to go. All of the chew I sucked on never fixed any of her crap before. NO ONE is worth losing MY quit over. She may win other battles, but this is a hill I choose to die on.
I will be back on this post. Getting more riled the more I think. I sense I will need to blather myself on this one. Olcpo - over
You could always NOT answer the phone. ;D
I hadn't thought of that... hmmm
How’d the call go? Hopefully not as bad as you expected?
@AndyCan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1681) It never happened, supposedly she is to call today. It's never over, like so many things in this life. Thank you for asking, Andy.
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Day 16 - Another good day. Stayed busy, didn't eat too much (yet). I'm hoping the "good" continues. I figured out a trigger I hadn't counted on. My oldest daughter. She can push buttons like no other. She called this morning and after a short grunt session, I can't get a word in edgewise so I grunt and listen to her blather, I was reaching for the phony mint chew. Caught me flatfooted. Got rid of it, lesson learned. Now she called back and is scheduling a conference call tonight (8pm mst) regarding my grandson. Never know with her, drama and dumping her crap on someone else is her specialty. "I have a problem. What are you going to do about it?" We will see what this stirs up.
Not excited about being spun up and trying to go to bed. What this tells me is I have a long ways to go. All of the chew I sucked on never fixed any of her crap before. NO ONE is worth losing MY quit over. She may win other battles, but this is a hill I choose to die on.
I will be back on this post. Getting more riled the more I think. I sense I will need to blather myself on this one. Olcpo - over
You could always NOT answer the phone. ;D
I hadn't thought of that... hmmm
How’d the call go? Hopefully not as bad as you expected?
@AndyCan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1681) It never happened, supposedly she is to call today. It's never over, like so many things in this life. Thank you for asking, Andy.
Sounds hard. However, remember the one thing you can control is what you put in your mouth. 1 problem + nicotine equals 2 problems. Always here. PM me if I can help.
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Day 17 - A clear head this morning for which I am grateful. Going to work in the machine shop today, which is always good work and I look forward to it. Another good day in the offing.
I am struck by the triage and all-hands-on-deck FOR the people who have caved. The way that the pillars of this community rally to the aid of those that give in to the addiction. I was left with a fear of "there but by the grace of God go I". I am only 17 days into this quit. The pain of the withdrawals are fresh. The awareness of potential trip hazards is acute. The knowledge being gained about this addiction is new and encouraging. The personalities of this forum are new, intriguing and amazing. The raw humanness of this path we now choose to walk is shared yet unique, personal yet through our daily promise property of a community.
In all cases, those returning or feigning a re-commitment to the principles of KTC got complacent. The honeymoon was over, not so new and shiny anymore. Scar tissue formed, covering up the memory of the withdrawals, the fear of that new mouth sore, the unexplained sore throat, the fear of running out, the guilt. Some externality encroached pushing back the fragile safeguards we build to keep the addiction at bay. Those safeguards, not maintained and nurtured, become weak and useless as the insidious demon/addiction so patiently lurks on the perimeter waiting for their invitation to return. That invitation is MY choosing to allow the crap back in. My Choice. I write this so IF I EVER... I can come back here and read, hopefully remembering the freshness of the quit and strength of resolve on Day 17.
Fear is good as long as it is kept in it's place, not allowed to control but to remind. To heighten awareness of potential hazards. Hence the term God-Fearing, if I ever consider..., the good fear/reminder of the negative consequences of that choice PREVENTS...
More self talk here. Feels good to get it down, sort off my chest. I keep a note pad by my bed. When I have annoying brain-won't-shut-off nights, I sit up and write down the things I am thinking or afraid I will forget. Something sub-somewhere lets me go to sleep, having dealt that which kept me awake.
Later Olcpo
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Day 16 - Another good day. Stayed busy, didn't eat too much (yet). I'm hoping the "good" continues. I figured out a trigger I hadn't counted on. My oldest daughter. She can push buttons like no other. She called this morning and after a short grunt session, I can't get a word in edgewise so I grunt and listen to her blather, I was reaching for the phony mint chew. Caught me flatfooted. Got rid of it, lesson learned. Now she called back and is scheduling a conference call tonight (8pm mst) regarding my grandson. Never know with her, drama and dumping her crap on someone else is her specialty. "I have a problem. What are you going to do about it?" We will see what this stirs up.
Not excited about being spun up and trying to go to bed. What this tells me is I have a long ways to go. All of the chew I sucked on never fixed any of her crap before. NO ONE is worth losing MY quit over. She may win other battles, but this is a hill I choose to die on.
I will be back on this post. Getting more riled the more I think. I sense I will need to blather myself on this one. Olcpo - over
You could always NOT answer the phone. ;D
I hadn't thought of that... hmmm
How’d the call go? Hopefully not as bad as you expected?
@AndyCan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1681) It never happened, supposedly she is to call today. It's never over, like so many things in this life. Thank you for asking, Andy.
Sounds hard. However, remember the one thing you can control is what you put in your mouth. 1 problem + nicotine equals 2 problems. Always here. PM me if I can help.
You have helped @Keith0617 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1356) . The simple "the ONE thing", and you are always here. Priceless. Thanks
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*
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Day 17 - A clear head this morning for which I am grateful. Going to work in the machine shop today, which is always good work and I look forward to it. Another good day in the offing.
I am struck by the triage and all-hands-on-deck FOR the people who have caved. The way that the pillars of this community rally to the aid of those that give in to the addiction. I was left with a fear of "there but by the grace of God go I". I am only 17 days into this quit. The pain of the withdrawals are fresh. The awareness of potential trip hazards is acute. The knowledge being gained about this addiction is new and encouraging. The personalities of this forum are new, intriguing and amazing. The raw humanness of this path we now choose to walk is shared yet unique, personal yet through our daily promise property of a community.
In all cases, those returning or feigning a re-commitment to the principles of KTC got complacent. The honeymoon was over, not so new and shiny anymore. Scar tissue formed, covering up the memory of the withdrawals, the fear of that new mouth sore, the unexplained sore throat, the fear of running out, the guilt. Some externality encroached pushing back the fragile safeguards we build to keep the addiction at bay. Those safeguards, not maintained and nurtured, become weak and useless as the insidious demon/addiction so patiently lurks on the perimeter waiting for their invitation to return. That invitation is MY choosing to allow the crap back in. My Choice. I write this so IF I EVER... I can come back here and read, hopefully remembering the freshness of the quit and strength of resolve on Day 17.
Fear is good as long as it is kept in it's place, not allowed to control but to remind. To heighten awareness of potential hazards. Hence the term God-Fearing, if I ever consider..., the good fear/reminder of the negative consequences of that choice PREVENTS...
More self talk here. Feels good to get it down, sort off my chest. I keep a note pad by my bed. When I have annoying brain-won't-shut-off nights, I sit up and write down the things I am thinking or afraid I will forget. Something sub-somewhere lets me go to sleep, having dealt that which kept me awake.
Later Olcpo
+
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Day 18 - The days just keep getting BETTER. 18 is not a very big number, but there is a lot of life and living packed into those days. I honestly can't remember much about 20 or 25 days ago, but I can remember and treasure the past 18. Lots of lessons learned. The kind that will hopefully stick with me as some were hard earned.
In the Navy we had morning muster. You never miss muster. You better be dead if you miss. If you are dying, you should have started crawling earlier, no excuse. I like the posting roll here. Brings back memories and a good way to start the day. Renewing my daily commitment to my quit and my oath to the KTC family is good place to start a new day.
Later
Olcpo
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More self talk here. Feels good to get it down, sort off my chest. I keep a note pad by my bed. When I have annoying brain-won't-shut-off nights, I sit up and write down the things I am thinking or afraid I will forget. Something sub-somewhere lets me go to sleep, having dealt that which kept me awake.
Love that! May have to get mileage out of it. Thanks for blogging it out.
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Day 19 - Nothing unusual, a Plain day, no strife or stress. We got about 8" of snow last night. Wupp then go plow snow. No pearls of wisdom. No great victories or huge accomplishments. BUT... No chew. No nicotine. No flare up. No rage. No trigger. That is unusual. If I read back over my own blathering, this is the day I was/am waiting for. Grateful. Humble.
Olcpo
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Day 19 - Nothing unusual, a Plain day, no strife or stress. We got about 8" of snow last night. Wupp then go plow snow. No pearls of wisdom. No great victories or huge accomplishments. BUT... No chew. No nicotine. No flare up. No rage. No trigger. That is unusual. If I read back over my own blathering, this is the day I was/am waiting for. Grateful. Humble.
Olcpo
This is cool. Just a regular day, no bad. But yet you recognize it as rare, which makes it good, even if it seems meaningless.
Congrats on 20 days today and nearing 3 weeks as well!
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Day 19 - Nothing unusual, a Plain day, no strife or stress. We got about 8" of snow last night. Wupp then go plow snow. No pearls of wisdom. No great victories or huge accomplishments. BUT... No chew. No nicotine. No flare up. No rage. No trigger. That is unusual. If I read back over my own blathering, this is the day I was/am waiting for. Grateful. Humble.
Olcpo
This is cool. Just a regular day, no bad. But yet you recognize it as rare, which makes it good, even if it seems meaningless.
Congrats on 20 days today and nearing 3 weeks as well!
Love it man. Plowing has always been a huge trigger for me. I'm happy for you my friend. Enjoy the peace and freedom.
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Day 20 - Another Great Plain Day. I like this trend. Hopefully this "blog", or whatever this is, gets boring and stays uneventful. No weird symptoms or unexplained anomalies to query the sages of FTC about. "I have a big toe growing out of my forehead, Is this normal?"...
Today Church and a dinner. More social than I am used to day to day. It went good though, it wasn't hard to be civil and congenial, actually almost enjoyed myself. No triggers or anything tense.
I sure appreciate you stopping by to glimpse the garble, your comments mean alot. THanks
Olcpo
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Day 20 - Another Great Plain Day. I like this trend. Hopefully this "blog", or whatever this is, gets boring and stays uneventful. No weird symptoms or unexplained anomalies to query the sages of FTC about. "I have a big toe growing out of my forehead, Is this normal?"...
Today Church and a dinner. More social than I am used to day to day. It went good though, it wasn't hard to be civil and congenial, actually almost enjoyed myself. No triggers or anything tense.
I sure appreciate you stopping by to glimpse the garble, your comments mean alot. THanks
Olcpo
@olcpo (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=16159)
Glad to here you are currently in a good place. Just make sure you have made connections and keep those numbers and other tools at the ready because the NIC Bitch will come back to test you. What are you going to do when she smacks you in the face? Just be ready. Have to exchange digits if you are interested.
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Day 21 - Three weeks...Trying to think of the last time that a milestone of 3 weeks meant this much. Nothing coming to mind, pretty special.
Today is the Day of the Digits. I have cataloged all that have been sent to me and it feels good to have a full quiver. I am grateful to all.
Olcpo
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Day 21 - Three weeks...Trying to think of the last time that a milestone of 3 weeks meant this much. Nothing coming to mind, pretty special.
Today is the Day of the Digits. I have cataloged all that have been sent to me and it feels good to have a full quiver. I am grateful to all.
Olcpo
Congrats on the 3 weeks Olcpo!! Huge milestone IMO. I hardly ever made it over the 3 week point in the past when I tried to stop on my own. You are an exceptional quitter. Stay the course Brother.
PTBQWYT my friend.
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Day 22- It was a good day. A little trouble getting moving. I get in these funks and have zero ambition. It takes everything I have got to get moving and do anything. Yesterday was a machine shop day. A good day came home tired. It seems I get over a piece of metal on the lathe and the nicodemon shows up. Grabbed a fake mint pouch and a belt of water and commenced to make chips. People see the phony chew and ask "are you chewing again?", explain its fake stuff, quite often then I get the stink eye of doubt and the subject changes. So I think the next thing is to step away from the fake stuff. Can't chew gum, locks my jaw up, but maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing either; keep my mouth shut and can't stuff anything in there. Which leads to another "next thing", dropping some weight. What a flippin mess. All of the addictions and excesses I cultivate. That is fodder for another philosophical rant...
Olcpo
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What a great journal this has been! Keep it up! This journey you are on will change you in so many great ways if you let it.
I would say just this: Your quit needs to be your priority. Endure the stink eyes and doubts, because this is not about anyone else but you. You have to be a bit selfish about this because this is very difficult journey you are on. Use the damn fake. It is just a tool and it is obviously helping. I promise you, one day you will just naturally reach for it less and less until one day, you find you are no longer using it at all. This "need" for the fake, the food, I can 100% promise you that it will just fade away in time.
Don't rush the process. Be patient with yourself. Give your body and brain time to heal.
Proud to quit with you today.
FLLipOut
Day 1,245
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Thanks @FLLipOut (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=53) ! Great words of encouragement, Which I truly appreciate. I will heed your advice. One battle at a time. It is nice to know it will get less and less. I feel impatient because I had given up ever being quit. Now that I am quit, I want to joust at all the windmills I can find. Joust with too many and get my butt kicked. Joust well with one at a time. (talking to myself again)
Thanks again
Olcpo
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Day 22- It was a good day. A little trouble getting moving. I get in these funks and have zero ambition. It takes everything I have got to get moving and do anything. Yesterday was a machine shop day. A good day came home tired. It seems I get over a piece of metal on the lathe and the nicodemon shows up. Grabbed a fake mint pouch and a belt of water and commenced to make chips. People see the phony chew and ask "are you chewing again?", explain its fake stuff, quite often then I get the stink eye of doubt and the subject changes. So I think the next thing is to step away from the fake stuff. Can't chew gum, locks my jaw up, but maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing either; keep my mouth shut and can't stuff anything in there. Which leads to another "next thing", dropping some weight. What a flippin mess. All of the addictions and excesses I cultivate. That is fodder for another philosophical rant...
Olcpo
I hear you on the motivation part. I was stricken with a severe bout of laziness three weekends in a row. Terrible stuff. My addict brain tried to reason that it was copenhagen deficiency but I knew better. I Knew it was my wife's fault.
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Day 23 - Mellow day, cold out, high of 21f. Not as cold as it will get, but hey its still fall. Not much incentive to go outside. Went for short walk, read a book...nothing special.
I had a phony mint pouch, Green Leaf Organic, good flavor but the pouches are weak so it comes apart, crap everywhere in my mouth, brings back nasty memories so I don't keep it in long. I see this as a good thing. I caught myself checking my pockets to make sure I had my chew, which I don't have anymore, then thought about the phony chew...cut it off, an unpleasant routine resurfaced. I will not trade one ball and chain for another. I left, no phony chew, refused to even look for it. I realize its a tool, but I want to work on the reason that I want it, not need it. I want to work towards where I want it because it tastes good, Not because it serves as a lame replacement or pseudo-chew pacifier because those reasons are the habit is still working/lurking. I am an addict. I know that. I am quit. I know that. ODAAT NNT
Busy day tomorrow, looking forward to it.
Olcpo
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Day 23 - Mellow day, cold out, high of 21f. Not as cold as it will get, but hey its still fall. Not much incentive to go outside. Went for short walk, read a book...nothing special.
I had a phony mint pouch, Green Leaf Organic, good flavor but the pouches are weak so it comes apart, crap everywhere in my mouth, brings back nasty memories so I don't keep it in long. I see this as a good thing. I caught myself checking my pockets to make sure I had my chew, which I don't have anymore, then thought about the phony chew...cut it off, an unpleasant routine resurfaced. I will not trade one ball and chain for another. I left, no phony chew, refused to even look for it. I realize its a tool, but I want to work on the reason that I want it, not need it. I want to work towards where I want it because it tastes good, Not because it serves as a lame replacement or pseudo-chew pacifier because those reasons are the habit is still working/lurking. I am an addict. I know that. I am quit. I know that. ODAAT NNT
Busy day tomorrow, looking forward to it.
Olcpo
I get this. I know you keep talking about not wanting to use the fake, I get this. However, if it can provide you a way to stay off the real stuff, even for one time, by all means. It didn’t bother me one bit in the first month or so to use fake. I’m not sure how long I used it, but eventually I just got tired of it due to the lack of any real benefit beyond the caffeine.
From time to time over the last year, I’ve thought about buying a can of fake for a just in case moment or for a day when I do get a particularly real crave. But, I’ve stopped myself short each time right before purchase. Basically for no other reason than just not wanting to carry on a gross habit of my past. So maybe that’s part of it or most of it for you as well. The fake stuff is similar in the look and actions of our old addiction, but it is separate. There’s no chemical driving force, you’re not going to become addicted to the fake (frankly none of its good enough in my opinion), and you’re still quit if you choose to use it.
Stash some of the fake in your truck, stash some in your shop, your house, your garage, wherever you might ever want it. Maybe stop carrying it on you so you aren’t checking for it on the way out the door. You know you don’t need it, you’ve already proven that. But you also don’t have to fight it so hard. Just take the pressure off yourself a bit and realize that you’ve already won. For 23 days you’ve kicked nicotine in the teeth, and you’ll continue to do so. Habits are hard to break, but they won’t bring the same harm as your addiction. Keep it light, you got this!
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Day 23 - Mellow day, cold out, high of 21f. Not as cold as it will get, but hey its still fall. Not much incentive to go outside. Went for short walk, read a book...nothing special.
I had a phony mint pouch, Green Leaf Organic, good flavor but the pouches are weak so it comes apart, crap everywhere in my mouth, brings back nasty memories so I don't keep it in long. I see this as a good thing. I caught myself checking my pockets to make sure I had my chew, which I don't have anymore, then thought about the phony chew...cut it off, an unpleasant routine resurfaced. I will not trade one ball and chain for another. I left, no phony chew, refused to even look for it. I realize its a tool, but I want to work on the reason that I want it, not need it. I want to work towards where I want it because it tastes good, Not because it serves as a lame replacement or pseudo-chew pacifier because those reasons are the habit is still working/lurking. I am an addict. I know that. I am quit. I know that. ODAAT NNT
Busy day tomorrow, looking forward to it.
Olcpo
I get this. I know you keep talking about not wanting to use the fake, I get this. However, if it can provide you a way to stay off the real stuff, even for one time, by all means. It didn’t bother me one bit in the first month or so to use fake. I’m not sure how long I used it, but eventually I just got tired of it due to the lack of any real benefit beyond the caffeine.
From time to time over the last year, I’ve thought about buying a can of fake for a just in case moment or for a day when I do get a particularly real crave. But, I’ve stopped myself short each time right before purchase. Basically for no other reason than just not wanting to carry on a gross habit of my past. So maybe that’s part of it or most of it for you as well. The fake stuff is similar in the look and actions of our old addiction, but it is separate. There’s no chemical driving force, you’re not going to become addicted to the fake (frankly none of its good enough in my opinion), and you’re still quit if you choose to use it.
Stash some of the fake in your truck, stash some in your shop, your house, your garage, wherever you might ever want it. Maybe stop carrying it on you so you aren’t checking for it on the way out the door. You know you don’t need it, you’ve already proven that. But you also don’t have to fight it so hard. Just take the pressure off yourself a bit and realize that you’ve already won. For 23 days you’ve kicked nicotine in the teeth, and you’ll continue to do so. Habits are hard to break, but they won’t bring the same harm as your addiction. Keep it light, you got this!
As Always, Thank you and I appreciate you, @AndyCan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1681) . You are right, the fake is as close as I want to get. I will rathole some for that moment. Good to hear it will fade. Thanks again for the encouragement.
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Day 24 - Busy is key. When I'm busy I am thinking about the moment: the task at hand or the person with whom I am interacting. There is this drive to be done, complete the moment and move on to the next or rest. The "rest" is where the mind can conjure and create, constantly assessing "what could make this moment better?", the nicodemons playground.
Yesterday they got kicked in the teeth. Driving the bosses newer truck all was well, nice and warm, roads were good, good tunes, errands run and done, full tank of fuel, coffee tasted good, bite of smoked fish was amazing..."What could make this moment better?"... Chew? NOT. What made it better is that I am quit. Free.
Amazing. The addiction. Tobacco through it's addictive quality is revered, worshiped, chased, fought over, hoarded, secreted, stashed, dreamed about, craved, lied for, ________(you fill it in). 50 years off and on, various forms of tobacco in my life. I am quit.
From the outside looking in "What heck was I thinking?" So now to maintain this fresh perspective. Keep it new. Now the QUIT is to be revered, worshiped, chased, fought over, hoarded, secreted, stashed, dreamed about, craved, lied for, ________(you fill it in). ODAAT WUPP
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Day 24 - Busy is key. When I'm busy I am thinking about the moment: the task at hand or the person with whom I am interacting. There is this drive to be done, complete the moment and move on to the next or rest. The "rest" is where the mind can conjure and create, constantly assessing "what could make this moment better?", the nicodemons playground.
Yesterday they got kicked in the teeth. Driving the bosses newer truck all was well, nice and warm, roads were good, good tunes, errands run and done, full tank of fuel, coffee tasted good, bite of smoked fish was amazing..."What could make this moment better?"... Chew? NOT. What made it better is that I am quit. Free.
Amazing. The addiction. Tobacco through it's addictive quality is revered, worshiped, chased, fought over, hoarded, secreted, stashed, dreamed about, craved, lied for, ________(you fill it in). 50 years off and on, various forms of tobacco in my life. I am quit.
From the outside looking in "What heck was I thinking?" So now to maintain this fresh perspective. Keep it new. Now the QUIT is to be revered, worshiped, chased, fought over, hoarded, secreted, stashed, dreamed about, craved, lied for, _ clogged for (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMA5kgajhEA)(you fill it in). ODAAT WUPP
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Day 25 - Getting pretty boring around here and I love it. The usual aches n pains of 65 years, reminders of the Immortal sense of youth that encourages the reckless abandon of "It can't happen to me" or "it will heal". Every dummy that shoves crap in their lip adheres to that mantra. So, I am addicted to Nicotine, more addictive than heroine. The light has come on. It can happen to me. It may heal but will never be as good. Shades of wisdom and discernment. Not fear, but recognizing the consequences of My choices before I choose. Rather than being on the other side looking back, saying coulda, woulda, shoulda.
To sum it all up, "When you're up to your nose in shit, keep your mouth shut" Dad
Olcpo
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Day 28 missed a couple. Part busy part nothing new to add. I feel like crap today, but I don't think its nicotine or lack thereof. Weekly medicine wearing off too soon. There was a time when I would have thought a chew would make it feel better, take the chew, nope didn't help...a little is good more is better. I can't think of anything with which that holds up as true. Food, drink, debt, sleep, no sleep. work, play...anything in excess loses it's shine quickly. But More Quit works, A little is good more is better.
Olcpo
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Day 28 missed a couple. Part busy part nothing new to add. I feel like crap today, but I don't think its nicotine or lack thereof. Weekly medicine wearing off too soon. There was a time when I would have thought a chew would make it feel better, take the chew, nope didn't help...a little is good more is better. I can't think of anything with which that holds up as true. Food, drink, debt, sleep, no sleep. work, play...anything in excess loses it's shine quickly. But More Quit works, A little is good more is better.
Olcpo
Missed you these last few days, but like the saying goes - sometimes no news is good news. As it goes along, it may be more stressful to continue a daily write up anyway. Periodic checkins are great. Do whatever you feel. Speaking of feelings, hope you’re feeling better soon. Feeling crummy on Christmas is no fun.
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Day 29 Christmas Eve. I'm free! I'm grateful! Feeling good today, managed to beat the 24 hr whatever it was. It's good to head into Christmas without invoking the ninja chew protocol. No worrying about being stocked up with the stores closed for Christmas. Finally getting a little ahead on the appetite thing. Being sick yesterday, I didn't eat. Not hungry today, coffee tastes good. Reading about hunger and managing it, most informative. It's all in my head, no less real but its not the body crying for food. Much the same as the desire for chew after the nicotine is gone from our systems. Same trigger function, habit implementation, physical response (mouth watering, shakes, narrowed focus, increased heart rate). At the most, 20 minutes. In 20 minutes or less it will pass. So the challenge is the 20 minutes. We have all, all who are on this side of quit, done it. Stifle the crave to get past the screaming nicodemons. So experimenting with this food crave/fasting thing. I have enough fat packed on to carry me through to next Christmas. I read about a guy who fasted for 368 days, cannot imagine nor will I head there. My goal is to manage. Not play into the compulsive urges no matter what they are related to. Food, alcohol, tobacco, buying crap I don't need, saying things that don't need to be said...
Merry Christmas! The quit is a great gift, not the greatest, but a great gift.
Olcpo
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Day 30 Christmas Day. A good day. Some family around, a good pause to miss those not here with us. As usual, a mix of joy and melancholy. What was seems better than what is. But when what was is created into what is, its never as good as what was. Similar to the possession that will make me happy if I have "that". When I get "that", its great for a moment then off to the next "that". Watching nephew's kids open presents reminded me of that. Literally sitting in the middle of a pile of presents paper and unwrapped toys frenetically tearing and ripping and grunting pawing for the next one then sitting in the middle of the heap with a lost look when the presents run out. Been there felt that. Amazing creature the human. No one taught us that, is it a learned response from observation? Adults do it too, but we are more refined in our approach,"If I didn't get it I'll just buy it...".
Ate too much, paying for it today. Prime rib King crab, wow. Good for another year. Only once did I think of the chew that was. Brief, fleeting, then gone. Just enough to offer the threat, probing letting me know they are still around. Gone zero desire not even the fake stuff. Gotta crawl out of the overfull funk get moving today, 18 degrees this morning, looks like the sun will shine, maybe get a walk in and some air.
So after all of the reflection yesterday. Today is the moment. Be in the moment. Now. Now is the only real. A life of ODAAT!
Olcpo
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... then sitting in the middle of the heap with a lost look when the presents run out. ...
A sad thing indeed. Happy is the man who wants what he has...
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Day 31 - Cruising around the KTC site. What a great collection of wit and wisdom.
I found this reference on @kybo (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=342) 's Intro page: https://www.deltadental.com/us/en/protect-my-smile/overall-health/smokeless-tobacco.html (https://www.deltadental.com/us/en/protect-my-smile/overall-health/smokeless-tobacco.html) It is an excellent one stop compilation of the early quit process, what to expect, great suggestions and methods.
Back into the days melting together. Day after Christmas, clear and cold enough to not to hang outside. I watched some old movies, Went for a walk, got a few honey-do's out of the way, firewood. Real mellow. We are in the 2 weeks of the year where the sun doesn't hit the house. It is in the shadow of a mountain. So I walk North until I feel the sun on my face, unless its cloudy like today, then walk up the mountain. I'm finding I enjoy the moving and sweating more with NNT. Keeps me away from food too. Down 5 pounds since those first couple weeks 10 pound gain. So, AGAIN, as I was told by the wise KTC Vets, It will get better, the weight will settle down, the appetite will simmer down, the craves will get farther apart and less intense. Amazing. The truth can be found HERE. In a time and place where truth is relative and justice is up for discussion depending on who you are, If the vets of KTC tell you something will occur and to hang in there, it will happen. Count on it.
The Truth is the Truth whether I choose to believe it or not.
Olcpo
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So I walk North until I feel the sun on my face, unless its cloudy like today, then walk up the mountain. ...
The Truth is the Truth whether I choose to believe it or not.
Thanks for the imagery, it's like I'm there with you. My older brother has 50 acres at the base of Mount Mansfield in Vermont. It's a scene right out of a post card. Your blog took me back there. Alas, I'm free while he remains a slave.
Love the quote on truth. There IS such as thing as objective reality.
If you jump off of a bridge and don't believe in gravity - you still fall.
And before you go kersplat, you will become cognizant that the universe exists outside of and independent of your perception, all the while including you in it.
But that's another class. Rather enjoy your blogging it out. My quit was growing stale; I have lost perspective. Thanks for writing it out, taking the time to share it with and edify us all.
IQWYT
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So I walk North until I feel the sun on my face, unless its cloudy like today, then walk up the mountain. ...
The Truth is the Truth whether I choose to believe it or not.
Thanks for the imagery, it's like I'm there with you. My older brother has 50 acres at the base of Mount Mansfield in Vermont. It's a scene right out of a post card. Your blog took me back there. Alas, I'm free while he remains a slave.
Love the quote on truth. There IS such as thing as objective reality.
If you jump off of a bridge and don't believe in gravity - you still fall.
And before you go kersplat, you will become cognizant that the universe exists outside of and independent of your perception, all the while including you in it.
But that's another class. Rather enjoy your blogging it out. My quit was growing stale; I have lost perspective. Thanks for writing it out, taking the time to share it with and edify us all.
IQWYT
Thanks @Athan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=258). I appreciate your kind words and your musings on the congealed synapses of the muddled mind of mine. "Kersplat" What a word! one you can hear and feel, I love words with texture, like ooze... and now Kersplat...Kersplat...raining jello...Better get out of here and head for the mountain...
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So I walk North until I feel the sun on my face, unless its cloudy like today, then walk up the mountain. ...
The Truth is the Truth whether I choose to believe it or not.
Thanks for the imagery, it's like I'm there with you. My older brother has 50 acres at the base of Mount Mansfield in Vermont. It's a scene right out of a post card. Your blog took me back there. Alas, I'm free while he remains a slave.
Love the quote on truth. There IS such as thing as objective reality.
If you jump off of a bridge and don't believe in gravity - you still fall.
And before you go kersplat, you will become cognizant that the universe exists outside of and independent of your perception, all the while including you in it.
But that's another class. Rather enjoy your blogging it out. My quit was growing stale; I have lost perspective. Thanks for writing it out, taking the time to share it with and edify us all.
IQWYT
Thanks @Athan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=258). I appreciate your kind words and your musings on the congealed synapses of the muddled mind of mine. "Kersplat" What a word! one you can hear and feel, I love words with texture, like ooze... and now Kersplat...Kersplat...raining jello...Better get out of here and head for the mountain...
roflmao
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Day 32 Good Day, No issues to speak of. Went for a short walk to the base of the mountain. Cold, but tolerable. Put on enough layers til the sweat starts. Didn't go over board with the food. Sitting more than I should.
@Athan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=258) mentioned in a reply that "My quit was growing stale; I have lost perspective." That is scary. His quit date is Jan 1, 2018, coming up on 2 years, well over 700 days. So my question to self is "What can be done to remain current and viable?". What appears to work, looking at the numbers posted each morning, is to post roll (wupp) and remain active on the site. These folks are involved in the workings of the site, the ssoa and the chat room. It seems as though each finds their niche, follow certain newbies and provide unconditional support. Being involved in a new quit would help to bring back the struggle we all went through, reminding us of why we are here and that we don't want to go back through that again. "Accountability Forum" is a title that raised questions for me and caused me to look at and into KilltheCan.org. Now I am quit. Being accountable to those that invest in us is a huge incentive to not cave. I do not want to disappoint someone that has expressed concern, empathy and support in me and my effort. I have disappointed myself many times in these 64 years, used to that, not a hindrance. But someone else? Ain't going there. Then the process/gauntlet/grinder a person goes through when they show up again and post "day 1". To all that have gone through that, You have my utmost respect. The level of introspection the vets force you through is formidable, but essential. Getting to the core of your quit and the circumstances of the cave must be essential to sustain the retread process.
So back to the "remaining viable and fresh" question. Writing this stuff out helps me, putting my thoughts out there causes me to own them and accept responsibility for what I say. The "likes" of those that pass through these ramblings are priceless. They mean a great deal to me when I see them on these posts, I guess they validate what I am writing/feeling and that someone else read the stuff. They are not reason I throw this stuff out there, more like a bonus. Thanks. I read what others leave throughout the KTC site and always come away with nothing but respect for their quit.
33 days isn't much compared to... Each day of quit is priceless. One Day At A Time, ODAAT, is my current plan. The days will add up. Celebrating the lack of chew and all the crap that went with it. Celebrating the clear head, no headache, lack of or diminished frequency of craves and living the victories and trials of other Quit Sisters and Brothers is the freshening breeze that disrupts the fog of mundanity causing us to notice the bright "now" and not diminish the murky cauldron of "then". Thanks Athan for inspiring this bolus of blather. Proud to quit with all of you today.
'nuff said
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... Each day of quit is priceless. ...
This is priceless, the appreciation of freedom. I have become like a fish, taking for granted the water within which I swim. I suppose that's the real benefit of sticking around and helping others along in their journey; I get to relive the birth of freedom vicariously. I am reminded of just how strong and unpleasant were my own chains.
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Day 34 Snowing. Went up the mountain yesterday, climbed to the sun. Good Day. Today, Less is more.
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Day 35 - Good Day. Went to the big city to stock up on supplies for the month. The trip always makes me grateful and thankful l live where I do, a mountainside 60 miles from there. I could feel the rage creeping in a few times, as I encountered some of the local fauna on their daily migration. This time though it was more as an observer and it didn't get away from me. So it all, and I mean "All", gets better as promised by the Vets of KTC. Thanks Ya'll!
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Day 35 - Good Day. Went to the big city to stock up on supplies for the month. The trip always makes me grateful and thankful l live where I do, a mountainside 60 miles from there. I could feel the rage creeping in a few times, as I encountered some of the local fauna on their daily migration. This time though it was more as an observer and it didn't get away from me. So it all, and I mean "All", gets better as promised by the Vets of KTC. Thanks Ya'll!
ODAAT. Stay loyal to the routine.
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Day 36 - New Year's Eve, Happy New Yew Year to all who stop by. So, this is where we reflect back over the year. Of all that went on, the big news is that I AM QUIT! Wouldn't have thought it last year. Part of life/anatomy, inhale/exhale/chew... What's kewl is I don't miss it. I had a chew dream last night. Woke up scared, pissed, angry, disappointed...Then I really woke up...relieved and grateful it was only a dream. It was so real and nothing good about it. I am glad the negative emotions were so strong. To me that says a cave is ways off, still there, but a ways off. Continue to build the defenses and stay the watch. It really is a battle. All lose in any battle, even the "winner". My loss in this battle is the years spent and lost sucking on tobacco stuff, lungs and lip. This is my second chance. I have won this battle, the war rages on. It is the ending of the not good, it is the beginning of the good. Now, what are you gonna do with it? 2020, normal vision, a new start with clear sight. Clear sight to make good choices.
Love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind and soul AND Love my neighbor as myself THEN #1. ODAAT the Quit. #2. Start the day WUPP and do devotion. #3. Choose the healthy side, particularly food and activity. #4. One good project per day, more doing less sitting. #5. Repeat.
Thank you for being KilltheCan.org! Extremely thankful all of you are here! I wish all of those that make up KTC a victorious New Year One Day at a Time.
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Day 36 - New Year's Eve, Happy New Yew Year to all who stop by. So, this is where we reflect back over the year. Of all that went on, the big news is that I AM QUIT! Wouldn't have thought it last year. Part of life/anatomy, inhale/exhale/chew... What's kewl is I don't miss it. I had a chew dream last night. Woke up scared, pissed, angry, disappointed...Then I really woke up...relieved and grateful it was only a dream. It was so real and nothing good about it. I am glad the negative emotions were so strong. To me that says a cave is ways off, still there, but a ways off. Continue to build the defenses and stay the watch. It really is a battle. All lose in any battle, even the "winner". My loss in this battle is the years spent and lost sucking on tobacco stuff, lungs and lip. This is my second chance. I have won this battle, the war rages on. It is the ending of the not good, it is the beginning of the good. Now, what are you gonna do with it? 2020, normal vision, a new start with clear sight. Clear sight to make good choices.
Love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind and soul AND Love my neighbor as myself THEN #1. ODAAT the Quit. #2. Start the day WUPP and do devotion. #3. Choose the healthy side, particularly food and activity. #4. One good project per day, more doing less sitting. #5. Repeat.
Thank you for being KilltheCan.org! Extremely thankful all of you are here! I wish all of those that make up KTC a victorious New Year One Day at a Time.
Happy New Year! What a great way (QUIT) to enter into a new day, a new month, a new year, and a new decade. May your positive thoughts and wins continue into the next year. PTQWYT
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Day 36 - New Year's Eve, Happy New Yew Year to all who stop by. So, this is where we reflect back over the year. Of all that went on, the big news is that I AM QUIT! Wouldn't have thought it last year. Part of life/anatomy, inhale/exhale/chew... What's kewl is I don't miss it. I had a chew dream last night. Woke up scared, pissed, angry, disappointed...Then I really woke up...relieved and grateful it was only a dream. It was so real and nothing good about it. I am glad the negative emotions were so strong. To me that says a cave is ways off, still there, but a ways off. Continue to build the defenses and stay the watch. It really is a battle. All lose in any battle, even the "winner". My loss in this battle is the years spent and lost sucking on tobacco stuff, lungs and lip. This is my second chance. I have won this battle, the war rages on. It is the ending of the not good, it is the beginning of the good. Now, what are you gonna do with it? 2020, normal vision, a new start with clear sight. Clear sight to make good choices.
Love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind and soul AND Love my neighbor as myself THEN #1. ODAAT the Quit. #2. Start the day WUPP and do devotion. #3. Choose the healthy side, particularly food and activity. #4. One good project per day, more doing less sitting. #5. Repeat.
Thank you for being KilltheCan.org! Extremely thankful all of you are here! I wish all of those that make up KTC a victorious New Year One Day at a Time.
Happy New Year! What a great way (QUIT) to enter into a new day, a new month, a new year, and a new decade. May your positive thoughts and wins continue into the next year. PTQWYT
I agree Andy! The quit is strong in this one. Proud to be quit with you today!
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Day 38 - 01/02/20 the winter doldrums are setting in. The sun is shining somewhere, I may have to go find it. Very different weather, 40 and Iced in right now. Probably have to chain up to get out of here and back. Of all the issues, CHEW is not one of them. It is great to see April filling up. The synergy of the quit. A point to ponder regarding the decision to be done with something that will kill you. "It can't happen to me" has to be in everyone's mind that chooses to allow nicotine into their system. Nicotine is right up there with all the nasties of the drug world. It shows up on any list I have seen as one of the most addictive substances on earth. "It can't happen to me" is right in there with Eve sharing the fruit with Adam. We all walk through it. By the time someone finds KilltheCan.org, they are already there. Something caused them to question their sanity/method/reasoning for continuing to slowly poison themselves. We are all on the other side looking back. "It DID happen to me, now what?".
STEP AWAY FROM THE CAN! Sounds easy. The addict brain makes it arduous, seemingly impossible and is relentless in reminding, cajoling, offering relief/escape "one won't hurt" thinking. Quit. I like the term "Quit". Black and white. final. All inclusive. I challenge you to search the definition of "Quit". This little four letter word packs a punch. Some of the list includes "To free, as from something harmful or oppressing; relieve; clear; liberate:" and "To forsake; abandon." Being accountable to others. Most of us have beat ourselves up enough by this point that being accountable to self doesn't hold a whole bunch of value, when we come here. Most of us have quit many times, whats another one, self worth has tanked can't do it, wimp. KTC gives that back to us. "My Quit" suddenly has value. The lurking, reading, "guest" probing, is-this-for-me process that takes place before posting roll is where this value is regained. Hope is offered. "There is a way out" is realized. It isn't easy and here is what you can expect. IT DOES GET BETTER. and we are here to hold you to and help you with YOUR QUIT. "My digits are a PM away. Call Me"
I am Grateful for KTC (I've said it before and will again). Thanks Ya'll
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Day 38 - 01/02/20 the winter doldrums are setting in. The sun is shining somewhere, I may have to go find it. Very different weather, 40 and Iced in right now. Probably have to chain up to get out of here and back. Of all the issues, CHEW is not one of them. It is great to see April filling up. The synergy of the quit. A point to ponder regarding the decision to be done with something that will kill you. "It can't happen to me" has to be in everyone's mind that chooses to allow nicotine into their system. Nicotine is right up there with all the nasties of the drug world. It shows up on any list I have seen as one of the most addictive substances on earth. "It can't happen to me" is right in there with Eve sharing the fruit with Adam. We all walk through it. By the time someone finds KilltheCan.org, they are already there. Something caused them to question their sanity/method/reasoning for continuing to slowly poison themselves. We are all on the other side looking back. "It DID happen to me, now what?".
STEP AWAY FROM THE CAN! Sounds easy. The addict brain makes it arduous, seemingly impossible and is relentless in reminding, cajoling, offering relief/escape "one won't hurt" thinking. Quit. I like the term "Quit". Black and white. final. All inclusive. I challenge you to search the definition of "Quit". This little four letter word packs a punch. Some of the list includes "To free, as from something harmful or oppressing; relieve; clear; liberate:" and "To forsake; abandon." Being accountable to others. Most of us have beat ourselves up enough by this point that being accountable to self doesn't hold a whole bunch of value, when we come here. Most of us have quit many times, whats another one, self worth has tanked can't do it, wimp. KTC gives that back to us. "My Quit" suddenly has value. The lurking, reading, "guest" probing, is-this-for-me process that takes place before posting roll is where this value is regained. Hope is offered. "There is a way out" is realized. It isn't easy and here is what you can expect. IT DOES GET BETTER. and we are here to hold you to and help you with YOUR QUIT. "My digits are a PM away. Call Me"
I am Grateful for KTC (I've said it before and will again). Thanks Ya'll
Very well said Olcpo. It's an honor and a privilege to be quit with you today. Keep doing what you're doing and hold the line.
PTBQWYT my friend
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Day 40 - Seems like years. A lot of living and realization in those days. Paying attention to things that I did not want to realize when I had a lip full of junk. Guilt? Knowing it was stupid and would kill me, yet still sucking on the weed. It seems so obvious now. Went to a basketball game last night at the high school, daughter coaching. Walking into the school past all the "Tobacco Free Zone" signs, it was a good feeling to finally be in compliance. I remember when the signs started popping up around town, feeling the walls closing in on my revered addiction. I called them Tobacco Nazi's, for trying to eliminate my "choice". Last night walking in, I parked across the street and had to walk through the line of puffers all getting their fix before going in. I used to walk through the line with a pouch in feeling so smart and better because I wasn't a smoker. Still an idiot but not a smoker. Now I see it's sad. The only animal on earth that intentionally harms themselves, and we are supposedly better than the beasts because we have a sense of reason and opposing thumbs. We do have a Choice. I thank God for the Quit. I thank all of the people that make up KTC for the Quit. PTQWYT ODAAT
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I used to walk through the line with a pouch in feeling so smart and better because I wasn't a smoker. Still an idiot but not a smoker. Now I see it's sad.
I cant tell you how much this wisdom resonates with me. I dont know how long i justified my addiction by comparing myself to those heathens. Id read the regulations at work that specifically mentioned smokers and laugh at how they were being called out while i could slip under the radar not realizing how pathetic I was all along.
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I used to walk through the line with a pouch in feeling so smart and better because I wasn't a smoker. Still an idiot but not a smoker. Now I see it's sad.
I cant tell you how much this wisdom resonates with me. I dont know how long i justified my addiction by comparing myself to those heathens. Id read the regulations at work that specifically mentioned smokers and laugh at how they were being called out while i could slip under the radar not realizing how pathetic I was all along.
I used to do that too, in theaters, restaurants, planes, even in church. Addiction is as powerful as it is horrible. So very pleased to be free.
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Day 43 - Dank Dark Dreary, can't hardly call it a day 0815 and still need a flashlight. It will only get better, each day a little longer 8). Motivated, must get motivated. Chew not an issue, each day gets better. Another "Less is More" Day. I wish you the best day yet, Find something to smile about. NIC Free ;D
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Day 43 - Dank Dark Dreary, can't hardly call it a day 0815 and still need a flashlight. It will only get better, each day a little longer 8). Motivated, must get motivated. Chew not an issue, each day gets better. Another "Less is More" Day. I wish you the best day yet, Find something to smile about. NIC Free ;D
I hit a funk every 20-30 days or so. Kinda like I was manstrating. The only way out is forward, the only way out is through. Keep blogging it out my man, I'm edified every time you do.
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Day 43 - Dank Dark Dreary, can't hardly call it a day 0815 and still need a flashlight. It will only get better, each day a little longer 8). Motivated, must get motivated. Chew not an issue, each day gets better. Another "Less is More" Day. I wish you the best day yet, Find something to smile about. NIC Free ;D
I hit a funk every 20-30 days or so. Kinda like I was manstrating. The only way out is forward, the only way out is through. Keep blogging it out my man, I'm edified every time you do.
“Manstrating” roflmao If you ever need a Midol hit me up!
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Day 47 - Winter is here. Spitting snow, nothing serious. They are threatening colder and more snow tomorrow...So What?! People don't come here for a weather report. Chew? It really has gotten pushed back out of the way. Slight reminders, but nothing direct. I think the Void is more apparent. Every time I would put a pouch there was guilt, gotta fix this, do something different, this ain't right... That's all gone, over. WUPP my promise, taken care of. NOW WHAT?! The Manstrating happens with or without a face full of chew. Mydol Ya' say? Everything is a chore. Nothing sounds fun. I am the only one that can fix it... well maybe not. Perhaps I am back where I was as a persistent serial quitter battling the nicodemons living with the falsehood that tomorrow I would quit...again...again...
I had to look beyond Self to be able crawl out of that hole. So the real question now is "Now What, God?!". Grace. Can't do it myself. Get over "Me" and look beyond and up. Horizontal isn't working, try vertical. My entire working life (50 years) I was driven by someone else's desires/demands/mandates. All externally motivated. Retired. That mostly all goes away. At least the magnitude and synergy is gone. Someone else's problem now. What is left of anything critical, pertinent, significant, valid, positive, progressive, worthwhile, motivating...
I'm not sure what any of this has to do with chew/nicotine. I remember early on @AndyCan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1681) shared how quitting chew changed many facets of his life. The process of Quit and absence of Nic spreading throughout his walk. Did going through the Quit process bring to question what else can be changed out of this "life"? Maybe I will go clean the shop, That used to help me think through stuff. Dad used say "When in doubt, clean." Sittin' on my ass staring out the window produced this... Another thought comes to mind, "If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got." Will the circle be unbroken?
Disclaimer: No drugs or animals were abused in the production of this brain Phart
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Day 47 - Winter is here. Spitting snow, nothing serious. They are threatening colder and more snow tomorrow...So What?! People don't come here for a weather report. Chew? It really has gotten pushed back out of the way. Slight reminders, but nothing direct. I think the Void is more apparent. Every time I would put a pouch there was guilt, gotta fix this, do something different, this ain't right... That's all gone, over. WUPP my promise, taken care of. NOW WHAT?! The Manstrating happens with or without a face full of chew. Mydol Ya' say? Everything is a chore. Nothing sounds fun. I am the only one that can fix it... well maybe not. Perhaps I am back where I was as a persistent serial quitter battling the nicodemons living with the falsehood that tomorrow I would quit...again...again...
I had to look beyond Self to be able crawl out of that hole. So the real question now is "Now What, God?!". Grace. Can't do it myself. Get over "Me" and look beyond and up. Horizontal isn't working, try vertical. My entire working life (50 years) I was driven by someone else's desires/demands/mandates. All externally motivated. Retired. That mostly all goes away. At least the magnitude and synergy is gone. Someone else's problem now. What is left of anything critical, pertinent, significant, valid, positive, progressive, worthwhile, motivating...
I'm not sure what any of this has to do with chew/nicotine. I remember early on @AndyCan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1681) shared how quitting chew changed many facets of his life. The process of Quit and absence of Nic spreading throughout his walk. Did going through the Quit process bring to question what else can be changed out of this "life"? Maybe I will go clean the shop, That used to help me think through stuff. Dad used say "When in doubt, clean." Sittin' on my ass staring out the window produced this... Another thought comes to mind, "If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got." Will the circle be unbroken?
Disclaimer: No drugs or animals were abused in the production of this brain Phart
Quitting is a journey without an actual destination. Many facets of your life will change as a result of quitting, some will be changes forced by you, others will come as unintended byproducts. They will come in time so long as you keep quitting. Many changes happen while we're busy doing other things. This site can also serve as a useful distraction during that process.
Getting to a point where you feel good, or content, most of the time without dip is a process that takes time. You are in the process of re--rewiring your brain so that you don't need nicotine to feel pleasure in the things you love to do. That scares many a quitters back to the can. It feels like it will last forever, but it won't. It can take years (and then, we're still addicts). However it will trend toward better every day. The only way over it is through it, unless you want to keep sucking on that cat shit for the rest of your life. Then what? You now know it's a lie, so it becomes more torturous on the soul to dip again now.
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Day 47 - Winter is here. Spitting snow, nothing serious. They are threatening colder and more snow tomorrow...So What?! People don't come here for a weather report. Chew? It really has gotten pushed back out of the way. Slight reminders, but nothing direct. I think the Void is more apparent. Every time I would put a pouch there was guilt, gotta fix this, do something different, this ain't right... That's all gone, over. WUPP my promise, taken care of. NOW WHAT?! The Manstrating happens with or without a face full of chew. Mydol Ya' say? Everything is a chore. Nothing sounds fun. I am the only one that can fix it... well maybe not. Perhaps I am back where I was as a persistent serial quitter battling the nicodemons living with the falsehood that tomorrow I would quit...again...again...
I had to look beyond Self to be able crawl out of that hole. So the real question now is "Now What, God?!". Grace. Can't do it myself. Get over "Me" and look beyond and up. Horizontal isn't working, try vertical. My entire working life (50 years) I was driven by someone else's desires/demands/mandates. All externally motivated. Retired. That mostly all goes away. At least the magnitude and synergy is gone. Someone else's problem now. What is left of anything critical, pertinent, significant, valid, positive, progressive, worthwhile, motivating...
I'm not sure what any of this has to do with chew/nicotine. I remember early on @AndyCan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1681) shared how quitting chew changed many facets of his life. The process of Quit and absence of Nic spreading throughout his walk. Did going through the Quit process bring to question what else can be changed out of this "life"? Maybe I will go clean the shop, That used to help me think through stuff. Dad used say "When in doubt, clean." Sittin' on my ass staring out the window produced this... Another thought comes to mind, "If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got." Will the circle be unbroken?
Disclaimer: No drugs or animals were abused in the production of this brain Phart
Quitting is a journey without an actual destination. Many facets of your life will change as a result of quitting, some will be changes forced by you, others will come as unintended byproducts. They will come in time so long as you keep quitting. Many changes happen while we're busy doing other things. This site can also serve as a useful distraction during that process.
Getting to a point where you feel good, or content, most of the time without dip is a process that takes time. You are in the process of re--rewiring your brain so that you don't need nicotine to feel pleasure in the things you love to do. That scares many a quitters back to the can. It feels like it will last forever, but it won't. It can take years (and then, we're still addicts). However it will trend toward better every day. The only way over it is through it, unless you want to keep sucking on that cat shit for the rest of your life. Then what? You now know it's a lie, so it becomes more torturous on the soul to dip again now.
Thanks @Zeus (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1968) , Amazing. A common thread "It will get better" and it does/has. Just as I think the addiction is behind and pondering what is in front, it is still the addiction in a different form. Thanks for clarifying, makes sense. Shape changing just isn't fair!
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Day 47 - Winter is here. Spitting snow, nothing serious. They are threatening colder and more snow tomorrow...So What?! People don't come here for a weather report. Chew? It really has gotten pushed back out of the way. Slight reminders, but nothing direct. I think the Void is more apparent. Every time I would put a pouch there was guilt, gotta fix this, do something different, this ain't right... That's all gone, over. WUPP my promise, taken care of. NOW WHAT?! The Manstrating happens with or without a face full of chew. Mydol Ya' say? Everything is a chore. Nothing sounds fun. I am the only one that can fix it... well maybe not. Perhaps I am back where I was as a persistent serial quitter battling the nicodemons living with the falsehood that tomorrow I would quit...again...again...
I had to look beyond Self to be able crawl out of that hole. So the real question now is "Now What, God?!". Grace. Can't do it myself. Get over "Me" and look beyond and up. Horizontal isn't working, try vertical. My entire working life (50 years) I was driven by someone else's desires/demands/mandates. All externally motivated. Retired. That mostly all goes away. At least the magnitude and synergy is gone. Someone else's problem now. What is left of anything critical, pertinent, significant, valid, positive, progressive, worthwhile, motivating...
I'm not sure what any of this has to do with chew/nicotine. I remember early on @AndyCan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1681) shared how quitting chew changed many facets of his life. The process of Quit and absence of Nic spreading throughout his walk. Did going through the Quit process bring to question what else can be changed out of this "life"? Maybe I will go clean the shop, That used to help me think through stuff. Dad used say "When in doubt, clean." Sittin' on my ass staring out the window produced this... Another thought comes to mind, "If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got." Will the circle be unbroken?
Disclaimer: No drugs or animals were abused in the production of this brain Phart
Quitting is a journey without an actual destination. Many facets of your life will change as a result of quitting, some will be changes forced by you, others will come as unintended byproducts. They will come in time so long as you keep quitting. Many changes happen while we're busy doing other things. This site can also serve as a useful distraction during that process.
Getting to a point where you feel good, or content, most of the time without dip is a process that takes time. You are in the process of re--rewiring your brain so that you don't need nicotine to feel pleasure in the things you love to do. That scares many a quitters back to the can. It feels like it will last forever, but it won't. It can take years (and then, we're still addicts). However it will trend toward better every day. The only way over it is through it, unless you want to keep sucking on that cat shit for the rest of your life. Then what? You now know it's a lie, so it becomes more torturous on the soul to dip again now.
Thanks @Zeus (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1968) , Amazing. A common thread "It will get better" and it does/has. Just as I think the addiction is behind and pondering what is in front, it is still the addiction in a different form. Thanks for clarifying, makes sense. Shape changing just isn't fair!
Many positive things come from quitting, but my favorite is realizing you can accomplish things you never thought possible. Quitting is hard. It takes a lot of willpower, and your doing it. What else in life takes willpower? What else could you tackle? Tap into that power you have. Do what you have never done.
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Day 47 - Winter is here. Spitting snow, nothing serious. They are threatening colder and more snow tomorrow...So What?! People don't come here for a weather report. Chew? It really has gotten pushed back out of the way. Slight reminders, but nothing direct. I think the Void is more apparent. Every time I would put a pouch there was guilt, gotta fix this, do something different, this ain't right... That's all gone, over. WUPP my promise, taken care of. NOW WHAT?! The Manstrating happens with or without a face full of chew. Mydol Ya' say? Everything is a chore. Nothing sounds fun. I am the only one that can fix it... well maybe not. Perhaps I am back where I was as a persistent serial quitter battling the nicodemons living with the falsehood that tomorrow I would quit...again...again...
I had to look beyond Self to be able crawl out of that hole. So the real question now is "Now What, God?!". Grace. Can't do it myself. Get over "Me" and look beyond and up. Horizontal isn't working, try vertical. My entire working life (50 years) I was driven by someone else's desires/demands/mandates. All externally motivated. Retired. That mostly all goes away. At least the magnitude and synergy is gone. Someone else's problem now. What is left of anything critical, pertinent, significant, valid, positive, progressive, worthwhile, motivating...
I'm not sure what any of this has to do with chew/nicotine. I remember early on @AndyCan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1681) shared how quitting chew changed many facets of his life. The process of Quit and absence of Nic spreading throughout his walk. Did going through the Quit process bring to question what else can be changed out of this "life"? Maybe I will go clean the shop, That used to help me think through stuff. Dad used say "When in doubt, clean." Sittin' on my ass staring out the window produced this... Another thought comes to mind, "If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got." Will the circle be unbroken?
Disclaimer: No drugs or animals were abused in the production of this brain Phart
Quitting is a journey without an actual destination. Many facets of your life will change as a result of quitting, some will be changes forced by you, others will come as unintended byproducts. They will come in time so long as you keep quitting. Many changes happen while we're busy doing other things. This site can also serve as a useful distraction during that process.
Getting to a point where you feel good, or content, most of the time without dip is a process that takes time. You are in the process of re--rewiring your brain so that you don't need nicotine to feel pleasure in the things you love to do. That scares many a quitters back to the can. It feels like it will last forever, but it won't. It can take years (and then, we're still addicts). However it will trend toward better every day. The only way over it is through it, unless you want to keep sucking on that cat shit for the rest of your life. Then what? You now know it's a lie, so it becomes more torturous on the soul to dip again now.
Thanks @Zeus (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1968) , Amazing. A common thread "It will get better" and it does/has. Just as I think the addiction is behind and pondering what is in front, it is still the addiction in a different form. Thanks for clarifying, makes sense. Shape changing just isn't fair!
Many positive things come from quitting, but my favorite is realizing you can accomplish things you never thought possible. Quitting is hard. It takes a lot of willpower, and your doing it. What else in life takes willpower? What else could you tackle? Tap into that power you have. Do what you have never done.
Very true @Jenahen (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=5655) The quit really does open up endless possibility. Thanks it will help to keep that in front to keep striving.
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Day 49 - 7 weeks - I had to wear a cast one time for 7 weeks. It went much slower than these 7 weeks have. The cast was restricting and painful. These 7 were liberating and somewhat painful in the moment, but the pain soon subsided and was/is forgotten in gratefulness and relief at being Quit. I am still processing, and will be for a while, the wider complexity of the Quit process on other facets of this Life. Much yet to unfold, it really is a new Life.
I get to plow snow today. A nice fluffy 4" last night, not too cold (25)...yet. Looking forward to being Quasi-Productive today knowing that moving frozen rain is indeed a temporal pursuit. Not unlike mowing the lawn or getting a haircut. A cyclic sense of accomplishment, routine renewal...more circles...They're everywhere
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Day 49 - 7 weeks - I had to wear a cast one time for 7 weeks. It went much slower than these 7 weeks have. The cast was restricting and painful. These 7 were liberating and somewhat painful in the moment, but the pain soon subsided and was/is forgotten in gratefulness and relief at being Quit. I am still processing, and will be for a while, the wider complexity of the Quit process on other facets of this Life. Much yet to unfold, it really is a new Life.
I get to plow snow today. A nice fluffy 4" last night, not too cold (25)...yet. Looking forward to being Quasi-Productive today knowing that moving frozen rain is indeed a temporal pursuit. Not unlike mowing the lawn or getting a haircut. A cyclic sense of accomplishment, routine renewal...more circles...They're everywhere
Congrats brother - you are doing great.
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Congrats on half HOF man! Hold the line. 'mrt'
Pitty that Nic!
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Congrats on half HOF man! Hold the line. 'mrt'
Pitty that Nic!
HALF HOF HALF HOF HALF HOF HALF HOF
One day only Olcpo’s HALF HOF SALE!!
Like that Benelli M4 H2O? HALF HOF
Like that Hummer H1? HALF HOF
Like those Justin Bieber tickets? HALF HOF
One day only Olcpo’s HALF HOF SALE!!
HALF HOF HALF HOF HALF HOF HALF HOF
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Day 54 - Winter, Boring, Hum-Drum... I like that. "New" or "Different" isn't always good. Gonna "do" today, not sure what but gotta move. Less is more. Quit is strong, no draw whatsoever. ODAAT
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Day 57 - Interesting "feeling" across the site as I am posting roll this morning. I sense for some the Honeymoon is over. The beginning of the grind. The symptoms/craves/urges have subsided to a point that other things are invading the sacred space set aside for KTC. Life, family, work, "a break", memory lapse (indicating an alternative higher priority) are all surfacing among us. Is this where we forget the screaming demon monkey that lived on our backs that brought us here? The addiction is still there. All of the vets have shared that 100+ was worse than the start, harder to stay quit the further we get from Day 1. So this is where
we I have to look deeper, prepare for the long haul.
What is left when the screamin' meemies subside, the sores disappear, the temper is tamed, the fog has lifted? WUPP. Each day is a milestone. Celebrate the promise of NNT. Celebrate to whom the promise is made. I have to learn this new life of Nic free. I don't feel I am completely free, probably never will be (Hence the term "Addict"?). I will work on learning to put it in it's place. No longer allow it to make or alter decisions for me.
You know the honeymoon is over when your new spouse comes in and takes a dump while you are in the shower. In that relationship we learn to let some things go. We have to or we go nuts or worse. My well-being, value, worth is not contingent on someone else's opinion of me or my thoughts. It is a good barometer of am I on track with the accepted social behavior/norm for the space I am in, but it is not a personal slam if people do not react the way I think they should. So as I put my thoughts/feelings/self out on the threshing floor of the web, I accept the risk that it will not be greeted with adoration and awe that I feel is commensurate with my perfect offering. Life goes on. Get over it, Buttercup. Nothing is final. State of flux. If ya ain't learnin' yur dead...
The mode is the same, but the frequency is...
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Day 57 - Interesting "feeling" across the site as I am posting roll this morning. I sense for some the Honeymoon is over. The beginning of the grind. The symptoms/craves/urges have subsided to a point that other things are invading the sacred space set aside for KTC. Life, family, work, "a break", memory lapse (indicating an alternative higher priority) are all surfacing among us. Is this where we forget the screaming demon monkey that lived on our backs that brought us here? T
Quite possible the best summary yet on the mid HOF doldrums. Yeah, it is a grind and yeah, there's days where the craves do assail you. That's OK. It beats slavery and, yeah, it does get better. Was thinking of you and that serene walk up the mountain in the quiet and stillness of the forest, the only sound but the snow crunching under your feet. You're a rich man.
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Day 57 - Interesting "feeling" across the site as I am posting roll this morning. I sense for some the Honeymoon is over. The beginning of the grind. The symptoms/craves/urges have subsided to a point that other things are invading the sacred space set aside for KTC. Life, family, work, "a break", memory lapse (indicating an alternative higher priority) are all surfacing among us. Is this where we forget the screaming demon monkey that lived on our backs that brought us here? T
Quite possible the best summary yet on the mid HOF doldrums. Yeah, it is a grind and yeah, there's days where the craves do assail you. That's OK. It beats slavery and, yeah, it does get better. Was thinking of you and that serene walk up the mountain in the quiet and stillness of the forest, the only sound but the snow crunching under your feet. You're a rich man.
Wealthy beyond what this world has to offer. As always Thanks, @Athan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=258) and I appreciate you.
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Day 57 - Interesting "feeling" across the site as I am posting roll this morning. I sense for some the Honeymoon is over. The beginning of the grind. The symptoms/craves/urges have subsided to a point that other things are invading the sacred space set aside for KTC. Life, family, work, "a break", memory lapse (indicating an alternative higher priority) are all surfacing among us. Is this where we forget the screaming demon monkey that lived on our backs that brought us here? T
Quite possible the best summary yet on the mid HOF doldrums. Yeah, it is a grind and yeah, there's days where the craves do assail you. That's OK. It beats slavery and, yeah, it does get better. Was thinking of you and that serene walk up the mountain in the quiet and stillness of the forest, the only sound but the snow crunching under your feet. You're a rich man.
Wealthy beyond what this world has to offer. As always Thanks, @Athan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=258) and I appreciate you.
Challenges abound ahead. Hold the line Olcpo. I'm told the road to freedom is pricey but the reward is invaluable.
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Day 71- Been a while, Life happens. I am Quit. Faced many triggers and have come through clean. Still WUPP'in and will continue. ODAAT still in the moment, wary, watching. Reading the intro's and musings of those early in their quit is a great reminder, Never Again.
Boot camp was the toughest 9+ weeks of my life, I thought. 26 years later I retired and had plenty of "tough" times mixed in. 71 days, I have just made it out of boot camp with the rest of life ahead. I came out of boot camp thinking I had it all figured out and knew everything. I got humbled in a heartbeat and learned more in the few weeks that followed than all previous. My point... I feel good, really Quit, But life says keep your head down, your ass covered and ready for the next shoe that WILL drop. I am enjoying and reveling in the freedom of Quit, Grateful to be clean, healing. I am also voraciously guarding my Quit. Not allowing anything to encroach. ODAAT. WUPP.
If you are reading this and still sucking on DEATH...THINK, Please! You can be rid of IT. Spit it out, look at it, wait for one minute, now go for five minutes. Yeah? An hour...another hour? You are going to feel like crap, but you feel like crap now because you know you are killing yourself one dip at a time. Go rinse your mouth out, brush your teeth, get busy occupy your brain. Think about a chew? look at the time, how long has it been? Wait another 5 minutes...A day? Read about what to expect on this site, be ready for it, know and celebrate each symptom, Nicotine will throw it all at you, but you are beating it or nic wouldn't be throwing craves, fogs, shakes, rage, _______ at you. You got it beat at this point. You used to reward yourself with a mouthful of Cancer Death, Take a break, you deserve it, have another shot of Death. Now you can reward yourself with another day of Quit/Freedom/Life.
Post your word to KTC at the start, Day one. One Day At A Time. Give your Word, Be accountable to Brother and Sister addicts, propping each other up against Nicotine, Standing tall together. Rant and Rave here. Learn. Read. Be QUIT
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Day 71- Been a while, Life happens. I am Quit. Faced many triggers and have come through clean. Still WUPP'in and will continue. ODAAT still in the moment, wary, watching. Reading the intro's and musings of those early in their quit is a great reminder, Never Again.
Boot camp was the toughest 9+ weeks of my life, I thought. 26 years later I retired and had plenty of "tough" times mixed in. 71 days, I have just made it out of boot camp with the rest of life ahead. I came out of boot camp thinking I had it all figured out and knew everything. I got humbled in a heartbeat and learned more in the few weeks that followed than all previous. My point... I feel good, really Quit, But life says keep your head down, your ass covered and ready for the next shoe that WILL drop. I am enjoying and reveling in the freedom of Quit, Grateful to be clean, healing. I am also voraciously guarding my Quit. Not allowing anything to encroach. ODAAT. WUPP.
If you are reading this and still sucking on DEATH...THINK, Please! You can be rid of IT. Spit it out, look at it, wait for one minute, now go for five minutes. Yeah? An hour...another hour? You are going to feel like crap, but you feel like crap now because you know you are killing yourself one dip at a time. Go rinse your mouth out, brush your teeth, get busy occupy your brain. Think about a chew? look at the time, how long has it been? Wait another 5 minutes...A day? Read about what to expect on this site, be ready for it, know and celebrate each symptom, Nicotine will throw it all at you, but you are beating it or nic wouldn't be throwing craves, fogs, shakes, rage, _______ at you. You got it beat at this point. You used to reward yourself with a mouthful of Cancer Death, Take a break, you deserve it, have another shot of Death. Now you can reward yourself with another day of Quit/Freedom/Life.
Post your word to KTC at the start, Day one. One Day At A Time. Give your Word, Be accountable to Brother and Sister addicts, propping each other up against Nicotine, Standing tall together. Rant and Rave here. Learn. Read. Be QUIT
Great message. Proud to quit with you @olcpo (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=16159) .
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Day 71- Been a while, Life happens. I am Quit. Faced many triggers and have come through clean. Still WUPP'in and will continue. ODAAT still in the moment, wary, watching. Reading the intro's and musings of those early in their quit is a great reminder, Never Again.
Boot camp was the toughest 9+ weeks of my life, I thought. 26 years later I retired and had plenty of "tough" times mixed in. 71 days, I have just made it out of boot camp with the rest of life ahead. I came out of boot camp thinking I had it all figured out and knew everything. I got humbled in a heartbeat and learned more in the few weeks that followed than all previous. My point... I feel good, really Quit, But life says keep your head down, your ass covered and ready for the next shoe that WILL drop. I am enjoying and reveling in the freedom of Quit, Grateful to be clean, healing. I am also voraciously guarding my Quit. Not allowing anything to encroach. ODAAT. WUPP.
If you are reading this and still sucking on DEATH...THINK, Please! You can be rid of IT. Spit it out, look at it, wait for one minute, now go for five minutes. Yeah? An hour...another hour? You are going to feel like crap, but you feel like crap now because you know you are killing yourself one dip at a time. Go rinse your mouth out, brush your teeth, get busy occupy your brain. Think about a chew? look at the time, how long has it been? Wait another 5 minutes...A day? Read about what to expect on this site, be ready for it, know and celebrate each symptom, Nicotine will throw it all at you, but you are beating it or nic wouldn't be throwing craves, fogs, shakes, rage, _______ at you. You got it beat at this point. You used to reward yourself with a mouthful of Cancer Death, Take a break, you deserve it, have another shot of Death. Now you can reward yourself with another day of Quit/Freedom/Life.
Post your word to KTC at the start, Day one. One Day At A Time. Give your Word, Be accountable to Brother and Sister addicts, propping each other up against Nicotine, Standing tall together. Rant and Rave here. Learn. Read. Be QUIT
@olcpo (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=16159)
Some really awsome quit gold you got here bud, IPTBQWYT
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Day 71- Been a while, Life happens. I am Quit. Faced many triggers and have come through clean. Still WUPP'in and will continue. ODAAT still in the moment, wary, watching. Reading the intro's and musings of those early in their quit is a great reminder, Never Again.
Boot camp was the toughest 9+ weeks of my life, I thought. 26 years later I retired and had plenty of "tough" times mixed in. 71 days, I have just made it out of boot camp with the rest of life ahead. I came out of boot camp thinking I had it all figured out and knew everything. I got humbled in a heartbeat and learned more in the few weeks that followed than all previous. My point... I feel good, really Quit, But life says keep your head down, your ass covered and ready for the next shoe that WILL drop. I am enjoying and reveling in the freedom of Quit, Grateful to be clean, healing. I am also voraciously guarding my Quit. Not allowing anything to encroach. ODAAT. WUPP.
If you are reading this and still sucking on DEATH...THINK, Please! You can be rid of IT. Spit it out, look at it, wait for one minute, now go for five minutes. Yeah? An hour...another hour? You are going to feel like crap, but you feel like crap now because you know you are killing yourself one dip at a time. Go rinse your mouth out, brush your teeth, get busy occupy your brain. Think about a chew? look at the time, how long has it been? Wait another 5 minutes...A day? Read about what to expect on this site, be ready for it, know and celebrate each symptom, Nicotine will throw it all at you, but you are beating it or nic wouldn't be throwing craves, fogs, shakes, rage, _______ at you. You got it beat at this point. You used to reward yourself with a mouthful of Cancer Death, Take a break, you deserve it, have another shot of Death. Now you can reward yourself with another day of Quit/Freedom/Life.
Post your word to KTC at the start, Day one. One Day At A Time. Give your Word, Be accountable to Brother and Sister addicts, propping each other up against Nicotine, Standing tall together. Rant and Rave here. Learn. Read. Be QUIT
You are wise beyond your quit days...and as you note, reading others’ early quit writings are a healthy and fairly direct way to remember the struggle. Keep remembering that, so if there is ever a moment you feel weak or find yourself at odds with your quit, you can take your own advice and come back here and read your musings. Powerful stuff olcpo
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'wave'
90 badass days!! Keep rocking it @olcpo (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=16159)
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'wave'
90 badass days!! Keep rocking it @olcpo (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=16159)
Thanks @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) I sure appreciate you
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'wave'
90 badass days!! Keep rocking it @olcpo (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=16159)
Thanks @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) I sure appreciate you
90 is badass
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'wave'
90 badass days!! Keep rocking it @olcpo (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=16159)
Thanks @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) I sure appreciate you
90 is badass
Thanks @ChickDip (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=164) That means a lot coming from the Queen of Badass at 1792 DAYS! 5 YEARS next month! Thanks for being here cheering us Wogs on.
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Day 95 - WUPP. ODAAT. According to @Batdad (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2) , and he is correct, nothing more need be said.
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Day 95 - WUPP. ODAAT. According to @Batdad (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2) , and he is correct, nothing more need be said.
Quitting is a long game. Breaking it down to simple, easy to navigate steps is crucial for success. Proud to be quit with you today.
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This just in....KTC's Olcpo squaring up....eyeballing the HOF...developing...stay tuned...
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This just in....KTC's Olcpo squaring up....eyeballing the HOF...developing...stay tuned...
@Athan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=258) @olcpo (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=16159) Newsflash, there gonna be alot more than boarding the train........................................................
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Day 100 - Wow! Humbling. Appreciative. Grateful. Quit. Gotta sort through some emotions here, more than I anticipated. Names, digits, pixels, It's Alive, ...
One Day At A Time... "I'll Be Back"
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Proud to be quit with you Olcpo. You have become such a great asset for this KTC community of ours. Keep up that phenomenal quit!
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Day 100 - Wow! Humbling. Appreciative. Grateful. Quit. Gotta sort through some emotions here, more than I anticipated. Names, digits, pixels, It's Alive, ...
One Day At A Time... "I'll Be Back"
Proud to be quit with you brother. Congrats on HoF. I’m trailing behind ya, save a spot for me on the train.
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Day 100 - Wow! Humbling. Appreciative. Grateful. Quit. Gotta sort through some emotions here, more than I anticipated. Names, digits, pixels, It's Alive, ...
One Day At A Time... "I'll Be Back"
Proud to be quit with you brother. Congrats on HoF. I’m trailing behind ya, save a spot for me on the train.
Well done! Congratulations on your 100 days quit! Cheers to 101 and beyond!
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Day 100 - Wow! Humbling. Appreciative. Grateful. Quit. Gotta sort through some emotions here, more than I anticipated. Names, digits, pixels, It's Alive, ...
One Day At A Time... "I'll Be Back"
Proud to be quit with you brother. Congrats on HoF. I’m trailing behind ya, save a spot for me on the train.
Well done! Congratulations on your 100 days quit! Cheers to 101 and beyond!
^^what she said! Congratulations olcpo!!
'party2'
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Day 100 - Wow! Humbling. Appreciative. Grateful. Quit. Gotta sort through some emotions here, more than I anticipated. Names, digits, pixels, It's Alive, ...
One Day At A Time... "I'll Be Back"
HE STICKS THE LANDING, THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS, MASS HYSTERIA, CATS AND DOGS LIVING TOGETHER, MY WORD THIS IS DESTINED FOR THE ANNALS OF QUITOPIA!!!!!
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Day 100 - Wow! Humbling. Appreciative. Grateful. Quit. Gotta sort through some emotions here, more than I anticipated. Names, digits, pixels, It's Alive, ...
One Day At A Time... "I'll Be Back"
HE STICKS THE LANDING, THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS, MASS HYSTERIA, CATS AND DOGS LIVING TOGETHER, MY WORD THIS IS DESTINED FOR THE ANNALS OF QUITOPIA!!!!!
LET'S SEE THAT AGAIN
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Day 100 - Wow! Humbling. Appreciative. Grateful. Quit. Gotta sort through some emotions here, more than I anticipated. Names, digits, pixels, It's Alive, ...
One Day At A Time... "I'll Be Back"
HE STICKS THE LANDING, THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS, MASS HYSTERIA, CATS AND DOGS LIVING TOGETHER, MY WORD THIS IS DESTINED FOR THE ANNALS OF QUITOPIA!!!!!
LET'S SEE THAT AGAIN
LETS SEE THAT AGAIN
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Day 100 - Wow! Humbling. Appreciative. Grateful. Quit. Gotta sort through some emotions here, more than I anticipated. Names, digits, pixels, It's Alive, ...
One Day At A Time... "I'll Be Back"
HE STICKS THE LANDING, THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS, MASS HYSTERIA, CATS AND DOGS LIVING TOGETHER, MY WORD THIS IS DESTINED FOR THE ANNALS OF QUITOPIA!!!!!
LET'S SEE THAT AGAIN
LETS SEE THAT AGAIN
LETS SEE THAT AGAIN
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Day 100 - Wow! Humbling. Appreciative. Grateful. Quit. Gotta sort through some emotions here, more than I anticipated. Names, digits, pixels, It's Alive, ...
One Day At A Time... "I'll Be Back"
HE STICKS THE LANDING, THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS, MASS HYSTERIA, CATS AND DOGS LIVING TOGETHER, MY WORD THIS IS DESTINED FOR THE ANNALS OF QUITOPIA!!!!!
LET'S SEE THAT AGAIN
LETS SEE THAT AGAIN
LETS SEE THAT AGAIN
The ATHANAtor is in fine form today. Appreciate ya'
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Day 100 - Wow! Humbling. Appreciative. Grateful. Quit. Gotta sort through some emotions here, more than I anticipated. Names, digits, pixels, It's Alive, ...
One Day At A Time... "I'll Be Back"
HE STICKS THE LANDING, THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS, MASS HYSTERIA, CATS AND DOGS LIVING TOGETHER, MY WORD THIS IS DESTINED FOR THE ANNALS OF QUITOPIA!!!!!
LET'S SEE THAT AGAIN
LETS SEE THAT AGAIN
LETS SEE THAT AGAIN
The ATHANAtor is in fine form today. Appreciate ya'
Congrats brother. You are a quit stud. Keep it up my friend.
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Day 100 - Wow! Humbling. Appreciative. Grateful. Quit. Gotta sort through some emotions here, more than I anticipated. Names, digits, pixels, It's Alive, ...
One Day At A Time... "I'll Be Back"
HE STICKS THE LANDING, THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS, MASS HYSTERIA, CATS AND DOGS LIVING TOGETHER, MY WORD THIS IS DESTINED FOR THE ANNALS OF QUITOPIA!!!!!
LET'S SEE THAT AGAIN
LETS SEE THAT AGAIN
LETS SEE THAT AGAIN
The ATHANAtor is in fine form today. Appreciate ya'
Congrats brother. You are a quit stud. Keep it up my friend.
Congrats brother. Great job. Stay loyal to your routine.
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Day 105 - Digging around in the shop yesterday, I found a brand new pouch of pipe tobacco and one of my old pipes rat holed in the back of my soldering/electronics drawer. I literally jerked my hand back, dropping the pouch as if it were a snake, when I first found it. I sat down and stared at it lying there, lurking, waiting. Got up went outside, drawer still open, pondered the universe and why it showed up now. Looked at the corner of the barn where a rake was leaning, walked over and started raking up pine needles and cones. Had a pile about the size of a hay bale. Went back into the shop, drawer still open, pouch on top, I found a small box of matches from the tobacco shop, picked up the pouch and walked out to the pile. Opened the pouch, sprinkled it across the top of the pine needle pile and lit the pile on fire. No smelling (I used to love the smell of fresh pipe tobacco), no regret or crave. A burnt offering, my native buddies would have approved. They were always after me for abusing tobacco. To them it is sacred and to be given to the Creator in prayer, not sucked on and abused for our own "benefit".
My Quit had not been challenged. No one has offered tobacco. I hadn't really been in a tempting situation. I like and am grateful for my NIC dreams. They scare the crap out of me. I wake up pissed and scared. I have, in my dream, had nicotine. I realize after the fact I have violated my KTC oath, hence the pissed scared part. Then I wake up and with great relief realize it was a dream. A second chance, it feels like. As I was looking at that pouch of tobacco, it was like the dreams, except I had a choice. There was nothing hard about it, easy decision. Like I had seen this before and knew what to do.
So... I do control my Quit. I do control what I put in my mouth. Tobacco is an inanimate object. It has no power if I choose to not give it any. Nothing good can come from the addition of tobacco/nicotine to any situation. Oh! and it was a great fire. I got the whole yard raked piled and burned, it was windy so the smoke spread quick. Its all good...PTQWYT ODAAT
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Day 105 - Digging around in the shop yesterday, I found a brand new pouch of pipe tobacco and one of my old pipes rat holed in the back of my soldering/electronics drawer. I literally jerked my hand back, dropping the pouch as if it were a snake, when I first found it. I sat down and stared at it lying there, lurking, waiting. Got up went outside, drawer still open, pondered the universe and why it showed up now. Looked at the corner of the barn where a rake was leaning, walked over and started raking up pine needles and cones. Had a pile about the size of a hay bale. Went back into the shop, drawer still open, pouch on top, I found a small box of matches from the tobacco shop, picked up the pouch and walked out to the pile. Opened the pouch, sprinkled it across the top of the pine needle pile and lit the pile on fire. No smelling (I used to love the smell of fresh pipe tobacco), no regret or crave. A burnt offering, my native buddies would have approved. They were always after me for abusing tobacco. To them it is sacred and to be given to the Creator in prayer, not sucked on and abused for our own "benefit".
My Quit had not been challenged. No one has offered tobacco. I hadn't really been in a tempting situation. I like and am grateful for my NIC dreams. They scare the crap out of me. I wake up pissed and scared. I have, in my dream, had nicotine. I realize after the fact I have violated my KTC oath, hence the pissed scared part. Then I wake up and with great relief realize it was a dream. A second chance, it feels like. As I was looking at that pouch of tobacco, it was like the dreams, except I had a choice. There was nothing hard about it, easy decision. Like I had seen this before and knew what to do.
So... I do control my Quit. I do control what I put in my mouth. Tobacco is an inanimate object. It has no power if I choose to not give it any. Nothing good can come from the addition of tobacco/nicotine to any situation. Oh! and it was a great fire. I got the whole yard raked piled and burned, it was windy so the smoke spread quick. Its all good...PTQWYT ODAAT
Fine work Olcpo. You are a warrior! Carry on.
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... I found a small box of matches from the tobacco shop...
A fitting end indeed. Those who would chastise you for 'playing with fire' have never smelt burning pine needles. Glad you're still with us.
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Fantastic Hall of Fame speech, Olcpo!!!! :-*
'Bow'
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Fantastic Hall of Fame speech, Olcpo!!!! :-*
'Bow'
Yes I read it yesterday too. Great words olcpo!
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Fantastic Hall of Fame speech, Olcpo!!!! :-*
'Bow'
Yes I read it yesterday too. Great words olcpo!
What FLLip said. One of the best HOF speeches I've read. You are a stud brother. Thanks for recharging my quit.
PTQWYT my friend
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Fantastic Hall of Fame speech, Olcpo!!!! :-*
'Bow'
Yes I read it yesterday too. Great words olcpo!
What FLLip said. One of the best HOF speeches I've read. You are a stud brother. Thanks for recharging my quit.
PTQWYT my friend
I knew yours would be a great one! Thanks for sharing!
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Day 137 - ... I had about 3 paragraphs of a "poor me" pity party. I just hit the delete key, no one needs to read that stuff. We are all on the edge of something, personally I don't know what. I need to do something different today to crawl out of this funk. Another Day In Paradise (ADIP). Be Well!
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Day 137 - ... I had about 3 paragraphs of a "poor me" pity party. I just hit the delete key, no one needs to read that stuff. We are all on the edge of something, personally I don't know what. I need to do something different today to crawl out of this funk. Another Day In Paradise (ADIP). Be Well!
You once told me the funks will come and go, just like this one will. Continue to hunt the good stuff today my friend. Remember, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift. Proud to be quit with you today!
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Day 137 - ... I had about 3 paragraphs of a "poor me" pity party. I just hit the delete key, no one needs to read that stuff. We are all on the edge of something, personally I don't know what. I need to do something different today to crawl out of this funk. Another Day In Paradise (ADIP). Be Well!
There's a hundred and one folks out there who wish they had our problems brother. Enjoy your perspective. BOHICA!
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Day 160 - Many different thoughts, a real mix. My quit is strong, no desire whatsoever. I thank KTC for that. The power of the promise, mine to them and theirs to me, has become the central focus. The feelings that I have when the news of a brother caving comes, only serves to strengthen my resolve to never give that kick in the gut to those who have trusted me by accepting my promise and giving me theirs.
Seeing a person post a Day One, regardless of new or rebounding, brings a real mix of feelings. Elation that they are on their way and made the decision, empathy for knowing the struggles they have ahead of them, compassion and the desire to be all they might need when it gets tough, and the stark realization that it is their Choice, their Quit and their fight. I should know better but part of me wants to believe that if we do A and B that C will happen. Not. It may, but throw in a few more letters and we have chaos, blindsided by the unpredictability of life. Each step, each choice offers infinite variables with outcomes we cannot foresee. One of my favorite sayings is "When it's over, we will know what happened."
How I CHOOSE to handle these events, that can take us to our knees, determines a lot in how I move: forward, backwards, sideways. I can CHOOSE to make it all about me, manifest the pain and anguish, allow it to bring me down, push me backwards, undo progress. Or, I can CHOOSE to empathize, offer encouragement, state the reality of their choice, support them through the consequences of their choice, reaffirming that it is their Quit and most of all LEARN from the mistake.
I never REALLY understood the 3 Question thing to its fullest depth. At first I thought the Vet's were just being jerks. Now I get it. Unless we do a deep dive into our own...person(?) and get past the easy answers, we won't fully address our issues and the multiple actions or lack thereof that led us to that place and that CHOICE. Reminds me of growing up, the older I got the smarter my parents got.
So it concerns me to see Post and Ghost, to see a lack of presence on the site, I understand the debate around GroupMe. That concern is based on the sense that there is strength in being involved in the recipe of Quit that is KTC. but... It always comes back to one word, CHOICES.
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Day 228 - Been a while and a lot has happened, gratefully all good. Still quit. ODAAT. I had a weird one two days ago and brushed it off with a short comment on roll. But @FLLipOut (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=53) , Bless her heart, called me out. I had to think about it as I wrote back to her and I guess it is somewhat significant for me.
Day 226 - Sitting on the edge of my bed getting dressed, my mouth started watering and I was patting the pockets of my pants on the dresser looking for "MY" chew before I knew what what I was doing. When I couldn't find it I realized what was going on. Shocked, I laughed, reflected on where I had just been, gave it to God, Grateful and moved on with the day. So real and vibrant, the thought that a chew would taste that good. Not scary though, just real. I was able to put where it belonged without any angst or regret. The Crave went away immediately and has not returned. Life goes on...
So thanks to My Brothers and Sisters at KTC, what could have been a major storm was turned into nice summer shower and the sun shown bright soon after. This stuff works. Posting the Daily promise has been the deal breaker between me and the nicodemons more times than not. It works for me. As I state my daily promise to others that I will not accept/choose nicotine in any form, I am reaffirming my commitment to me and my Quit and thanking God for His grace to continue One Day At A Time.
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Congratulations on 250 days!! So cool to see those days stack up ODAAT!
'wave'
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I have been pondering the notion of the "Cave" in relation to the "Quit". Good and Evil come to mind. Good (QUIT) is light and Evil (CAVE) is dark. Without any energy or effort we have Dark(cave). Light/good/quit requires energy, effort, maintenance, at times an external source of support, backup systems, redundancy. QUIT/Light/Good is work. What are the benefits of light vs dark? Why do we take light/quit/good for granted? It has become apparent that without effort and positive intent light will fail and dark will prevail. To think that a system that requires energy will be self sustaining is naive and leads to failure. We didn't notice or resist the amount of energy it took to support our nicotine habit, which was substantial when you think about it. Why is the effort to maintain the QUIT, at times considered a chore?
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I have been pondering the notion of the "Cave" in relation to the "Quit". Good and Evil come to mind. Good (QUIT) is light and Evil (CAVE) is dark. Without any energy or effort we have Dark(cave). Light/good/quit requires energy, effort, maintenance, at times an external source of support, backup systems, redundancy. QUIT/Light/Good is work. What are the benefits of light vs dark? Why do we take light/quit/good for granted? It has become apparent that without effort and positive intent light will fail and dark will prevail. To think that a system that requires energy will be self sustaining is naive and leads to failure. We didn't notice or resist the amount of energy it took to support our nicotine habit, which was substantial when you think about it. Why is the effort to maintain the QUIT, at times considered a chore?
Great point. Seems addicts think they should be able to quit without working at it. You will get out of your quit what you put into it.
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I have been pondering the notion of the "Cave" in relation to the "Quit". Good and Evil come to mind. Good (QUIT) is light and Evil (CAVE) is dark. Without any energy or effort we have Dark(cave). Light/good/quit requires energy, effort, maintenance, at times an external source of support, backup systems, redundancy. QUIT/Light/Good is work. What are the benefits of light vs dark? Why do we take light/quit/good for granted? It has become apparent that without effort and positive intent light will fail and dark will prevail. To think that a system that requires energy will be self sustaining is naive and leads to failure. We didn't notice or resist the amount of energy it took to support our nicotine habit, which was substantial when you think about it. Why is the effort to maintain the QUIT, at times considered a chore?
Interesting analogies. Is it not written that darkness hates the light?
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I have been pondering the notion of the "Cave" in relation to the "Quit". Good and Evil come to mind. Good (QUIT) is light and Evil (CAVE) is dark. Without any energy or effort we have Dark(cave). Light/good/quit requires energy, effort, maintenance, at times an external source of support, backup systems, redundancy. QUIT/Light/Good is work. What are the benefits of light vs dark? Why do we take light/quit/good for granted? It has become apparent that without effort and positive intent light will fail and dark will prevail. To think that a system that requires energy will be self sustaining is naive and leads to failure. We didn't notice or resist the amount of energy it took to support our nicotine habit, which was substantial when you think about it. Why is the effort to maintain the QUIT, at times considered a chore?
This is some good stuff!
"Dying is easy, It's Living that's tough".
"Caving is easy, It's Quitting that is Tough"
~olcpo
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Another pearl From The Outlaw Josie Wales (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LWJdzXDSmQ)
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I have been pondering the notion of the "Cave" in relation to the "Quit". Good and Evil come to mind. Good (QUIT) is light and Evil (CAVE) is dark. Without any energy or effort we have Dark(cave). Light/good/quit requires energy, effort, maintenance, at times an external source of support, backup systems, redundancy. QUIT/Light/Good is work. What are the benefits of light vs dark? Why do we take light/quit/good for granted? It has become apparent that without effort and positive intent light will fail and dark will prevail. To think that a system that requires energy will be self sustaining is naive and leads to failure. We didn't notice or resist the amount of energy it took to support our nicotine habit, which was substantial when you think about it. Why is the effort to maintain the QUIT, at times considered a chore?
Interesting analogies. Is it not written that darkness hates the light?
Yes, because when the light does manifest darkness is powerless.
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943 NNT ODAAT... More than a little time has passed. I was reading back through to find something I had written to post on Discord, I was struck by the names I still post with. @ChickDip (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=164) @FLLipOut (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=53) @EXBEARHAG (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=14879) @Keith0617 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1356) @Zeus (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1968) @AndyCan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1681) @ankape (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15914) @Athan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=258) @A-Aron (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=16449) @jsjohnson (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15659) @Batdad (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2) @Nomore1959 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=6) @SixString (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=15311) @chris2alaska (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=130) @Onebadbinder (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1594) Thank you for being there in my 100+ days/beginning and for still being encouraging and working for and with the new quitters on Discord.
I am proud to be Quit with you all and grateful for all the bumps in the road. It's still hard to see folks quit posting or wupping. So I am grateful for those still here. I miss this old KTC Forum for many reasons. But discord seems to be working as new quitters walk this same path and the vets still cajole, encourage, enrage, comfort, beat this quit thing into our heads.
My March MOFO's are still marching. I miss @jconners (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=14607) and others that have gone their separate way. I wish them the best and a strong quit with their choice to leave.