Tired and done. Quitting, Day 1.

[Samrs]

Originally posted 21 May 2018, 13:34

[From August '18...]

Hey guys.  Just a quick word here for you, since some people miss things...

1. The way KTC works is that we make our promise first thing at the start of our day.

Wake up, piss, post.

Do not post late in the day.


2. The way KTC works is that we make make our promise each day.

Every damn day.

Do not miss days.


3. The way that KTC works is that we hold each other accountable.

If you are not on roll for some reason, we will track you down.

Don't get pissy about it.

You came here, you asked for it.


4. The way that KTC works is that we support each other.

If you can't post roll for yourself, it's acceptable to get a pickup.

Text, call, or message a brother your day count and promise, and ask them to post for you.

Whatever it takes, get your promise up there, first thing, every day.

That's how we quit, and stay quit.

Finally - if you think that you're different... well, you may be.

Maybe you can quit without posting first thing in the day, without posting every day, without any accountability, without any support.

If that's the case, then you can probably crap rainbows, too.  Go ahead and post whenever you feel like it, you special unicorn butterfly, you!

Otherwise?

You're not that busy.  You're not that forgetful.  You're not that special.

Follow the program.

[Samrs]

Originally posted 15 May 2018, 22:09

[From August '17...]

Mike,

See you lurking down there.  What in tarnation are you doing back online so soon after your surgery?  Figured you'd still be all loopy on pain meds.    

Wait....that might be an improvement...let's see some 'under the influence' posting from you!!

I sure could use some of those pain meds in order to improve my KTC posting.

It’s a good thing you can’t post pictures on here.

Hey guys.  Yeah surgery went well.  I'm in an incredible amount of pain.  I've got a blood drain in my back that regularly fills a blood bag.  Can't roll over onto one side over another.  Miss my boy like crazy, but my folks are watching him.  Amy's the best thing about this procedure so far.  Tough as nails.  She keeps my ass moving down the hallway.  And before you know it, I'll be back to work. Thanks for your thoughts, prayers, and support.

I am going to take this message, have it cast it bronze, framed, and lit up 24/7.

Just so I can point to it when some !@&*#%$ pussy-ass quitter tells me their life is too busy to post roll.

"Oh, life's hard?  Tell me - is your blood actually draining from your body?  IS IT?!?!  NO?  THEN POST ROLL, YA LAZY WANKER!"

You're a freaking bad-ass, Mike! Here's to your speedy recovery!

[Samrs]

Originally posted on 18 Jan 2018, 22:12

I hate that I even had to write this, but...

Oh yay!  Thank you for joining us here, Larson.  You've given me a great lead in to something I've wanted to say for a while!

This is for you, man, and a few other special snowflakes...

SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT HOW WE DO THINGS HERE.

You came to this site for a reason.

You tried quitting your way, and it did not work.

You signed up here of your own volition.

You asked for us to help you and hold you accountable.

You did that because we have thousands of success stories that show WE KNOW HOW TO HELP PEOPLE QUIT.

That means that we expect you to listen to us when we tell you what you need to do in order to quit.

Crazy, huh?

We expect you post roll.

First thing.

Every damn day.

Yes, on the weekends, too.

Yes, when you are busy, too.

WHICH PART OF "EVERY DAY" IS CONFUSING YOU?

That is how we do things here.

After you post roll, you keep your promise.

That means you abstain from using nicotine in any way, shape, or form.

That means you do whatever it takes for you to keep your promise.

That means you reach out to other quitters before you say "Fuck it!" and stuff, sniff, smoke or poke that crap.

THAT MEANS THAT YOU HAVE TAKEN NICOTINE OFF THE TABLE.

Don't you fuckers dare get pissed at us for trying to save your damn lives.

THAT IS WHAT YOU ASKED US TO DO.

Get with the program.  Drink the kool-aid.  Do what we told you works.

[Samrs]

Originally posted 12 Jan 2018, 23:1

Candoit made my day when he said, "This belongs here."

You just keep being you, man.

This place needs those who can encourage and forgive.

It needs hard-asses.

It needs people who are dead serious.

It needs a whole passel of clowns.

It needs saints and sinners and everything in between.

(And sometimes, the same guy will be all that and more in the space of an hour...)

Be who you are; but keep in mind that a lot of people here are - for the first time ever - finding out who they really are.

[Samrs]

Originally posted 11 Jan 2018, 23:27

OK, this comes courtesy of Mr. DogOnHunt, who took something serious and wrapped in a bit of humor inside a vortex.  What it really was, though, was a list of excuses.  The excuses that you hear when someone's addict brain gets the best of them and they start pulling away from the accountability that they came here and asked for.

Hint: if you find yourself saying or thinking anything close to this crap, your addict brain is setting you up for failure.

Excuses

"I was pushed into this, I didn't want to quit in the first place!"
"What? Every day? Every damn day? Are you nuts?"
"Are you my mom or something?"
"You call this support?"
"I have a real life."
"I'm busy! I got a lot going on!"
"I have a life outside of the internet."
"Don't ever call or text me again... you are delusional... you never helped me."
"I've quit harder drugs!"
"What the FUCK do you know about being quit?"
"I can't post, I don't have service where I'm going!"
"Thanks for the digits, I'll let you know if I need anything."
"I thought just one wouldn't hurt."
"I don't even have a phone."
"I don't need this drama."
"I don't need this negativity."
"I got this on my own."
"I don't think this site is for me."
"I don't need this high school bullshit."
"If you don’t want me here I don’t need you to stay quit!"

[Samrs]

Originally posted 14 Dec 2017, 10:00

[Another variation on a theme from March '18...]

No running water or electricity in case some of ya have to know... Take care and good luck on your QUIT.
Mines going better than expected and I will not fail,

I am constantly surprised at the number of people who come here, sign up for accountability, and then... get pissed off when people try to hold them accountable.

I mean - really?  You're going to get ticked off at us for doing exactly what you've asked us to do?

Come on.  Don't be that guy.

Nobody's giving you a hard time because they have it out for you.  They're holding your feet to the fire because you asked them to.

If you're like me or thousands of other guys (and gals) who have come to this site, it's because you have tried to quit in the past, and failed.  Because you're an addict. Because you got tired of lying to yourself about how TOMORROW would be the day, for sure... and finally realized that you couldn't do it on your own.

So you signed up, jumped in and asked people to not let you lie to yourself anymore.

Thirty-nine years.  That's what you said in your intro, James.  You've been letting your brain marinate in a nicotine stew, day in, day out, for thirty-nine years.

Why did you dip for those almost four decades?

How much money and time did you spend?

Did you tell yourself you enjoyed it?

Did you tell yourself that you could quit anytime?

Why are you telling yourself that you're fine now, that ten days was enough, that you don't need all this... this... this accountability crap?

Because you're an addict.

Stop making excuses.  Stop acting like an addict, and start acting like a quitter.

[Samrs]

Originally posted 16 Nov 2017, 22:05

This bit made me laugh out loud, but yeah, it's true...

There are two types of quitters on KTC. Those who post every damn day no matter what. They could survive a plane crash 50 miles from Nome Alaska and would kill a polar bear with a pocket knife, write their days quit on ice with its blood, snap a pic with there cell phone and text it to Drome. Then there are those who always have an excuse not to post or to post late.

[Samrs]

Originally posted 01 Nov 2017, 12:53

From Broccoli-saurus:

Some thoughts on building relationships:

I think I've been here long enough and been involved enough to see some trends here. Everybody stresses the importance of getting phone numbers but never really tells you what to do with those numbers. I text 37 quitters my promise every day. Of those, I get into other conversations with maybe 20 of them from time to time. Of those, I get into deeper conversations with 10-12 of them at least weekly. Of those, there are 6 that I would feel comfortable calling at any hour of the day/night, and 2 that I have done that with. Those relationships keep me quit. It's easy to make a promise to a bunch of nameless, faceless strangers that are a little difficult to imagine as actually existing in real life. When you text your promise to somebody that you've shared life challenges with, somebody that you've seen pics of and pics of their family, and know what they go through on a regular basis, you're telling a friend that you won't dip that day. We aren't trading numbers just to enhance our rolodex. We should be building relationships with these people so when you need them, you won't be apprehensive about calling them.

I was on my second week of quit, around day 12. I had been out to dinner with a lady friend and was driving home. I stopped at a gas station for a Dr.Pepper, and when I went to the counter, I also bought a can. It was muscle memory. I opened the can and smelled it. It was absolutely divine, but I had given my promise and I had relationships made. I felt I needed to announce my intentions so I could keep my word as a man. I texted Casus Belli. What made me pick him, I have no idea. He wasn't even in my group. He was August, but he reached out to me early in my quit and he was one of my few numbers. I was on the verge. I had bought a can, opened a can, and smelled that shit. There were only two more steps to take, and I'd be a caver AGAIN, posting a new day 1. What Casus did after I texted him saved my quit. He didn't text back. He freaking CALLED me. And he talked to me for probably 15 minutes about the chemicals in dip, his story, hell I can't remember what all he talked to me about. But in that time, I decided to walk to the toilet and dump this brand new can of cancer that I had just paid $5 for not 30 minutes earlier. His actions were a result of our relationship, and that saved my quit.

Fast forward to day 77. At this point in my quit, I felt like I had things whipped pretty good. One day, I went to the gas station on my lunch break at work to grab a drink and a burger from the fry cook. As soon as I pulled in the lot, I felt a deep crave out of nowhere. I was right on the verge of going in and buying a can. Once again, I had made my promise early and I had relationships. I texted a brother, then I realized text is too slow, probably exactly what Casus realized that day 2 months earlier. I decided to call Phuctup. He answered, and I kept him on the phone the whole time I was in the store. If I had him on the line, I couldn't very well order a can of dip without him coming to Texas and kicking me in the nuts. Relationships...

Develop these relationships guys. I just posted a 145 day promise, and I could easily have a crave so solid that I need to make a call. I have multiple people that I wouldn't hesitate to pick up the phone and do that with. I have people that I really want to meet and I would drive hours to do so. I have made friends here. If anybody here needs digits, mine are a PM away, but I'll want yours too, and a daily text promise at a minimum. The people that don't have those relationships are much more likely to cave on the site. This is no joke and it's life and death. Don't you think you should do everything you can to stay quit?

[Samrs]

Originally posted 8 Oct 2017, 22:44

Rubyred from June '17 was asking about feeling depressed around day 246... and, wouldn't you know it, I ran into something like that in the week leading up to my day 269.

So I wrote a bit about that Quarter Dangle Funk.

I hate tobacco and nic. In a fog and depressed. I've been sad but depressed is new for me.

I hit something very similar about a month back... let's see.. yep, here it is.

That was close to the end of a week where I was just generally down.  I think I was fighting something off, physically as well.  Just a head cold or something, but the two together (being down, feeling blick) was a one-two punch.  I didn't want to get up, didn't want to go to work, didn't want to go for my daily walks, didn't want to eat.

I didn't want to make the bed in the morning.  That sounds stupid, maybe, but I always make the bed.  I joke that even if I get nothing else done every day, I know that I at least got one thing done.  My wife just thought I was just a bit down, until I left the bed unmade a couple of mornings.  THAT got her attention... that's when I realized I wasn't just feeling poorly, there was something wonky in my brain.

It all came to a head in the crave I described in that post.  It seemed out of nowhere at the time, but looking back, it's easy to see that it was building.  No way I was going to feed my addiction, but it was a rough week or so until I worked my way out of it.

And when I say I worked my way out of it... I mean that.  I intentionally blocked out time during the day for my walks.  I got my wife and girls on board to badger me about sitting down and working on some projects in the evening, for at least an hour.  Even though I really, really, really didn't want to, I made myself go to church early and stay around afterwards, so I would have to interact with people.  I made myself do little things that I could look at and think, "Yeah, I made some progress today."

Give that a try, see if it helps.  Find a few small tasks you can bang out each day, and set some times to do them.  Get moving a bit, even if it's just taking a walk.  Get around some people that you know an like, and spend a little time with them.  If that doesn't help and this seems to persist, or get worse, see a doctor - clinical depression is nothing to fool around with.  I'm pretty confident that a week or so from now, though, you'll be feeling a heck of a lot better than you are today.

[Samrs]

Originally posted 19 Oct 2017, 12:06

[Because I am going to need this again, sadly...]

If you all haven't realized it yet - nicotine is addictive.  We are addicts.  One of the reasons - the primary reason, in fact - that KTC works is that you have a group of addicts who understand how addicts think.  So when you start acting like an idiot addict instead of a quitter, you have a whole host of people to correct your sorry ass and get you back on track.

Here at KTC you are surrounded by people who want you to quit with them.  People who want you to succeed.  People whom you have asked (by posting roll) to hold your feet to the fire and help you stay quit.

• And you're going to get all butthurt over them doing exactly what you've asked them to do?!?
• Or maybe posting roll is too much effort.  Do you know what is more burdensome than posting roll?  Chemo therapy.
• Or... crap, I dunno.  [insert lame-ass excuse that's a setup for caving here]

Which is why I'm here to say:

Dude?  You're acting like an idiot addict.

Cut that crap out.  If you want to quit, get on here first thing every damn day, post your promise, and then keep it.

Thirty-three damn years of dumping that crap into my body.  Multiple attempts at quitting in the past decade.  This site - these people - are the only thing that has helped me quit and stay quit.  I know that there are people out there do quit, somehow, without this kind of support... but holy crap, man - once you've found it, WHY would you throw it away?

We're not riding your ass, man.  We're throwing you a freaking lifeline.  Grab it, will you?

[Samrs]

Originally posted 09 Oct 2017, 12:12

Man.  Hate the circumstances for it, but some great words of wisdom from Wastepanel...

Quote the First:

There is no way to make right what you did but you can only grow from here. Don't ever be that person again. Be strong and be true. That's all we ask. We don't need to be an avatar of ourselves. We just have to be us. In the end, that's all that's keeping us quit. Make it right man.

We're always here.

And fuck you for lying to me.

Saddle up sugarbritches. You can do this.

Quote the Second:

We all walk this same path today. Some of us have just walked it before.

Quote the Third:

Fading gets a lot of people man. Quitting isn't a sprint to quit the bestest out of the gate. It's a day in, day out marathon. Ain't one of us "quit forever" until we're 6 feet under the ground.

[Samrs]

Originally posted 07 Oct 2017, 16:07

Some deep insight from Fordblue...

If I've learned anything from this website, we quit for ourselves but our strength to continue comes from helping each other.

[Samrs]

Originally posted 11 Sep 2017, 21:10

(As posted by Candoit in October 2017)

The Declaration of Nicotine Independence by TGAfish

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the bands which have connected them with addiction, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, websites are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of addiction becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new freedoms, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that relationships long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off that bitch, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these KTC'ers; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former self abuses. The history of the present Nic Bitch is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these Brothers. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.


She has refused us freedom, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
She has forbidden us to enjoy times with our families
She has refused to pass us the ability to not look like a loser with a cat turd in our mouth
She has called together legions of marketing companies to tell how how hot she is
She has dissolved our self esteem
She has refused for a long time our cries to get her fucking claws out of us
She has endeavoured to prevent blessed freedom
She has obstructed our visits to doctors and dentists
She has made our brotherhood dependent onher Willl alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
She has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
She has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
She has affected to render the Military dependant on her of and superior to the Civil power.
She has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving Her Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed marketers among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off pieces of our friends wrecked with cancer:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of not spilling a disgusting spit cup:
For transporting us beyond Seas fully packed with her poison for fear of not finding her on other shores
For abolishing the free System of driving anywhere without having to stop at a c store
For taking away our dignity, abolishing our most valuable relationships, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Freedom:
For suspending our own integrity, and declaring herself invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
She has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of her Protection and waging War against us.
She has plundered our bodies, ravaged our health, burnt our pride, and destroyed the lives of our people.
She is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized organization.
She has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their brothers, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
She has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless marketers, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Woman whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our addicted brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by the bitch to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our decision to be done with slavery. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of those who choose freedom from the use of nicotine, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of KTC, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Brothers are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent ; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Nic whore, and that all financial and mental connection between them and the fucking whore, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent Brothers, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Brotherhood may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

[Samrs]

Originally posted 16 Jun 2017, 11:25

Saw this bit of encouragement from rkymtnman over in May 17 and thought it was worth preserving...

Been thinking a lot about this whole "it gets better" voodoo that we all parrot over and over.  I know I didn't really believe it when I was just past the hall and trudging through the motions trying like hell to stay clean and watching my group lose quitters.  Always lead me to think - if it is OK for them, why not me?

I remember another thing I did in these types of situations.  Go find some "active", crusty old vet - I'd suggest a guy like Hydro because he is quit friggen YODA - shoot him a pm.  Ask him questions about what it is like now.  Find these 6, 7, 8 year quitters who are still here every day - though not overly active - and ask them.  Don't take my word for it.  Ask them what it is like.  Ask them if it was all worth it.  There HAS to be a reason guys like Hydro and others still post roll like it is their job.  We are all pretty busy guys with professional lives and work responsibilities, with families and probably have FAR better things to do than troll internet forums for nic addicts.  Yet here we all are - in the same boat.

I bet you'll hear the same story over and over.  Take it on faith that shit gets so much fucking better you can't possibly imagine.  I sure as shit didn't until one day, I realized it had.  I challenge you all to keep the focus on TODAY - every day and everything will get worked out in time.  Get rid of the thoughts of "by now, I should feel ______" because I can promise you those expectations will lead to let down.  Instead, try "Today I will not use nicotine" and go live your life without thinking about where you think you ought to be at this point.  You are exactly where you all should be.  There is a reason I hate the hall...sure it is a bad ass benchmark but after that, it is just another +1.  My worst days were AFTER the hall.  My best days were ahead of me - I just didn't believe it.

Keep the faith brothers.  You are all killing it - and winning - it just doesn't feel like it most days.  I promise that changes.

[Samrs]

Originally posted 06 Jun 2017, 21:50

[Originally posted in September. How to build accountability.]

I've got a bunch of people I text in the morning every day.  Might just be my day count and "IQWYT".  Might be a silly rhyme or a stupid joke.

DO THAT.

Find some people that you click with, that you connect with, and just text them every day.  Do your best to make it as early as possible and as routine as possible.  Why?  Here's what happens:

• You remind people, every day, that you are quitting with them... and vice versa.
• You remind yourself that you're quitting.
• You remind yourself and others of the importance of making that daily promise.
• You establish the habit of reaching out to others when it's easy... so that it will be natural to reach out when things get hard.
• You establish a pattern of behavior that can and will alert others when it changes.

That last?  I got swamped at work and forgot to send out my texts one morning.  By noon I had messages from a dozen people asking me if everything was OK.  That was wonderful, because that is exactly the kind of accountability I want.

If you want accountability, this is a heck of a good way to start.  Plus - believe it or not - you make friends along the way.

If you don't already have a half-dozen phone numbers of other quitters, you can start by PM'ing your fellow September quitters and sharing your number with them.  If you get a number from someone else, use it - send whoever it is a text, get that line of communication open, and keep it open by using it every day.  Build your own web of accountability, make use of it, and believe me - you will definitely be thankful for it.