I quit again

[Dipchit]

Day 77.
Still in the funk. Based on my last stops I never could have imagined the mind fuck nicotine withdrawal can cause. When I woke up my arms, hands and legs were tingling like crazy and my mind racing. This funk has been going on now for 12 days. Last night I had bad fog and anxiety. My brain was screaming for nicotine but I wasn’t listening. I have no idea how long this shit will go on but I have no desire to cave because I vividly remember my last stop that lasted 14 years. I felt great. I enjoyed life, I looked forward to things, I spent time with my family rather hiding from them or making excuses so I could ninja dip. Fuck nicotine!!!!! I will not dip today.

[Dipchit]

Glad you guys are here with me. No dipping today.

[AppleJack]

Day 76.
Still in the funk. Depression,apathy and a really bad headache

MN/2,680 one day at a time. with you today sir.

Yup... fight the good fight m'man!

[MN_Engineer]

Day 76.
Still in the funk. Depression,apathy and a really bad headache

MN/2,680 one day at a time. with you today sir.

[Dipchit]

Day 76.
Still in the funk. Depression,apathy and a really bad headache

[AppleJack]

Day 75. Groundhog Day here again. Fear (anxiety) is the symptom of the day. Never had anxiety while I was dipping. Don’t know why quitting dip causes anxiety but I guess it does. What I do know though is that I won’t dip today.

With you for the next 24 sir. MN/2,679

Rock on, brother

[MN_Engineer]

Day 75. Groundhog Day here again. Fear (anxiety) is the symptom of the day. Never had anxiety while I was dipping. Don’t know why quitting dip causes anxiety but I guess it does. What I do know though is that I won’t dip today.

With you for the next 24 sir. MN/2,679

[Dipchit]

Day 75. Groundhog Day here again. Fear (anxiety) is the symptom of the day. Never had anxiety while I was dipping. Don’t know why quitting dip causes anxiety but I guess it does. What I do know though is that I won’t dip today.

[worktowin]

Day 74. Woke up to fear today. Nothing to be afraid of but my brain is firing fear. Hell of a way to start the day. Quitting is a mind fuck. One thing I don’t fear is that I know I will never dip again. I promise myself that the devils dirt will never go in my lip again.

I make that promise with you, not for forever, but for TODAY. The 24 hours we've been given are all that we can control. Focus one day at a time.

I promise not to dip today.

With ya today, bro

Thank you.

Honored to quit with you today sir.

[Dipchit]

Day 74. Woke up to fear today. Nothing to be afraid of but my brain is firing fear. Hell of a way to start the day. Quitting is a mind fuck. One thing I don’t fear is that I know I will never dip again. I promise myself that the devils dirt will never go in my lip again.

I make that promise with you, not for forever, but for TODAY. The 24 hours we've been given are all that we can control. Focus one day at a time.

I promise not to dip today.

With ya today, bro

Thank you.

[AppleJack]

Day 74. Woke up to fear today. Nothing to be afraid of but my brain is firing fear. Hell of a way to start the day. Quitting is a mind fuck. One thing I don’t fear is that I know I will never dip again. I promise myself that the devils dirt will never go in my lip again.

I make that promise with you, not for forever, but for TODAY. The 24 hours we've been given are all that we can control. Focus one day at a time.

I promise not to dip today.

With ya today, bro

[Dipchit]

Day 74. Woke up to fear today. Nothing to be afraid of but my brain is firing fear. Hell of a way to start the day. Quitting is a mind fuck. One thing I don’t fear is that I know I will never dip again. I promise myself that the devils dirt will never go in my lip again.

I make that promise with you, not for forever, but for TODAY. The 24 hours we've been given are all that we can control. Focus one day at a time.

I promise not to dip today.

[MN_Engineer]

Day 74. Woke up to fear today. Nothing to be afraid of but my brain is firing fear. Hell of a way to start the day. Quitting is a mind fuck. One thing I don’t fear is that I know I will never dip again. I promise myself that the devils dirt will never go in my lip again.

I make that promise with you, not for forever, but for TODAY. The 24 hours we've been given are all that we can control. Focus one day at a time.

[Dipchit]

Day 74. Woke up to fear today. Nothing to be afraid of but my brain is firing fear. Hell of a way to start the day. Quitting is a mind fuck. One thing I don’t fear is that I know I will never dip again. I promise myself that the devils dirt will never go in my lip again.

[Dipchit]

Totally understand, I was ninja too.  And to a large degree, so was Applejack.

It is amazing how much energy you used hiding this addiction while feeding it.  Making excuses.  Lying.  Missing things with your wife or family so you could take long showers, spend 30 minutes sitting on the toilet enjoying trying to chase that rush that never came again, or driving around aimlessly for no reason.  How about the effort to hide the little containers, or spit bottles?  Applejack even built little custom hide-ey holes to stash tins.  Lying is an exhausting business to be in.

The funk gets better.  Today you are winning.  You lost a lot of days in a row, it will take some time for the win to set in and for you to feel like you are winning, but you are.

We are here for you bro.  One day at a time.

Michael

If you haven’t gotten some phone numbers to chat, you should. Fair warning, applejack is well known to share dick pics !

Just kidding!  He’s a great dude that will do anything to help you. This is a lot easier as a team. Being down is ok by the way as long as you make it through the day. Tough times never last. Tough people do.

Day 72.
Thanks worktowin. Today so far it feels like my brain hurts. Depressed mood and feeling just weary

I don’t have much too add, bro. Everyone’s fight with their addict brain is different. For some, anger helps. For some, physical activity works. For some, a medication assist is appropriate. For some, white knuckling through is the way they choose. The list goes on. I think it’s safe to say that most of us dealt with “something” like what you’re going through when we first quit. So… you’re NOT alone. Nope. I lean into the anxiety side of the scale. Always have. I’m a naturally high string dude. Sometimes that gets the better of me and I have to remember to just freaking slow my roll. The other thing I have to remember is what I’m going to say to you right now… give yourself grace. You took that one pinch after 14 years. Yeah, that sucks ass. I would feel the same way! No lie. But… it’s done, man. It happened. Stop beating yourself up. Stop with that shit.

It. Is. Not. Productive.

You are here. You are turning it around. You are putting it back in the rear view mirror where it belongs. Lesson learned? I think so! Give yourself grace. Winning over an addiction is fucking hard. It’s supposed to be. Once through the fight this time… freedom will be that much sweeter for how hard this is right now. You will value it more and you will do everything you can to keep it that way. Rock on, brother. You’re winning.

Yep I’m winning but it sure is difficult at times. For me it’s the relentless anxiety. At times it’s just living in a constant state of fear. Only time I don’t feel fear is the great escape called sleep. It usually settles down in the evening after dinner so I can fall asleep but within an hour of waking it’s fear all over again for most of the day. I don’t drink alcohol so I don’t have that to lean on and I definitely wouldn’t consider benzodiazepines because they are just plain nasty addictive so here we are white knuckles every day. If it weren’t for the anxiety or depression it wouldn’t be that bad. Yes one day at a time.

Day 73
Feel like I’m back at the beginning. Woke up at 4:00 am with tingling and anxiety. The depression and brain fog has set in as well. I guess this is what the funk feels like. If I sit or lay down I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin. So here I am trying to keep moving. I think it’s called akathesia or twired. Crazy how much dip fucks us up. I actually felt good when I was dipping but going back is not an option ever again.
I’d rather not give my number out because I was a ninja dipper therefore I’m a ninja quitter. It could possibly destroy a marriage if it got out. I just need to get past this and put it in the rear view mirror. I do plan on sticking around though to help the new quitters as they show up.
I will not dip today!!!!!

Thanks Michael for the encouragement. Yes you described me perfectly. I ninja dipped from 1991 to 2005. I actually started dipping in 84 but she knew about it and hated it. I stopped in 91 about a month before our spring time wedding. Zero withdrawal. I started dipping again that fall under the radar until 2005 and stopped. Then 4 years ago I took a pinch and you know the rest. I never even knew about withdrawal until a day or so after. Talk about being blindsided.
If anyone out there wants to share their experience with the funk it would be great to hear. It does give comfort knowing that it does end. BTW I have massive fog and some anxiety now.

I got nothing to add more more encouragement.

You’re doing ALL the right things and that will result in ALL the right things. Power on. Let the past be the past. Intentionally find things to celebrate. Do it. Rock on brother!

Fog. I lost a good 2 months of my life. I lived, but have zero recollection of the living. Christmas 2012 and NY 2013 may not have even happened as far as I know. I have friends on the site (including AJ the dick pic sender (just kidding maybe?)) who experienced anxiety. Some severe. Nicotine seems to target high performing ocd types. People who live structured successful lives and manage things to an insane level. Nicotine provides an escape from the highs and the lows. Hell yes my team is winning!  Throw in a dip!  Oh man my mom is sick and in the hospital. Throw in a dip. In other words, nicotine provides an escape… from life. Think about that for a bit. And if a pic from AJ would help….

Michael.

Booooo. No dick pics accepted here.