(Edited 9 days in)
I finally took some time to sit down on my actual computer and read through some stuff here. I've been posting mostly from my phone over the last 9 days and its not as easy to navigate on a phone.
Anyways here is a little back history of how I got to KTC.
It all started when I was 16. My good friend and I had spent all summer saving up to buy our very own portable ice fishing house. We made that big purchase in December 2006 and we drove to the nearest lake to start fishing. When we were finally set up and had some lines in the water, my buddy casually pulled out a can of chew and tossed a big ol dip in his lip, skoal citrus to be exact. He asked me if I wanted one and I declined, but my mind was racing. My entire life up unto this point I vowed never to smoke, drink, or chew. I grew up watching my dad chew and drink his sorrows away every night and I was bound and determined to never follow in his foot steps. But something about chew intrigued me. It was almost as if you didn't become a man unless you chewed. I thought long and hard over it and what I would do if my buddy offered me chew another time. We went out fishing the very next day and the same thing happened, almost as if you hit rewind, but I accepted the offer this time around. I was hooked instantly purely on the fact of how it made me feel.
I dipped randomly, and a can would last me a week or more for the first 6 months. Summer of 2007 is when I became a full blown addict and did whatever it took to get a nic fix. I ran around the whole summer with a chew in my lip, except when I was working. I turned 17 right at the end of summer and into my junior year of high school. I dipped everyday in class gutting everything and sometimes drinking 3-4 bottles of juice and water in the matter of a 90 minute class. I got caught once and had to hand my can over to the teacher (i should have learned my lesson here) but went right out and got another can after school that day. I spent the rest of my high school days running around hiding my dip from everyone. Kind of what I would do in the future.
Fast forward to 2013 when I found out my grandpa was diagnosed with cancer. I quit that day because I knew it was a real threat that I may end up with cancer some day and the odds were stacked against me. I stayed quit for a couple months but fell right back to it, mostly because I was working 3rd shift and it was something that kept me awake and moving through the shift. When my grandpa passed away in early 2014, I was bound and determined to quit again, with no success. Summer of 2014 is when I met my now wife. She never minded it at first but would occasionally make comments about it. I quit in the spring of 2015, again, and I made it a solid 4 months before I caved. Mostly because of dealing with some very personal family issues, it helped relieve the stress that I was dealing with. 2017 rolled around and we were 8 months out from our January 2018 wedding. My wife begged me to stop, so I "quit". I became a ninja dipper, always making sure I didn't have one in when she was around, leaving my cans in the truck so she wouldn't find them, etc..., but she caught on after 2 months of this. I really let her down, but more importantly that's when I realized that I was a legit addict. I wanted to quit, but dip made the stress of grinding out 3 months of working 75-80 hours a week much easier. We paid for our wedding in cash and walked away debt free, but I walked away with an even stronger addiction.
Sunday February 25th, 2018 is when I finally had enough. My buddy and I had been talking about doing an elk hunting trip out west, but I kept putting off the excuse that it was expensive. He said if you quit chewing now, you could have the trip paid for in a little of 4 months. And that's when I finally had enough. I had enough of making excuses as to why I couldn't do things because I was low on cash. I was never low on cash, I just completely wasted 8 bucks a day for the last 4 years BUYING CANCER! Roughly $11,680 in the last 4 years alone was spent on chew. That's about 9 years of elk hunting trips paid in full, that's a decent down payment on a house, that's a lot of things. That's when I had enough.
84 hours.
I’ve been chew free for 84 hours now. It’s been a long 84 hours, even the sleeping hours have been a battle. I’ve never battled staying awake in the afternoon and early evening, but I am certain always having a chew in made that difference and gave me the “energy” to keep it going. I’ve quit before, but there wasn’t any accountability behind it. I only answered to myself, and I wasn’t afraid to let myself down for some odd lack of personal respect reason.
But 84 hours ago I made a decision when I stumbled on this site and made a commitment by signing up. ItÂ’s been a rough 84 hours. IÂ’ve contemplated buying another can just for 1 last dip. But itÂ’s never 1 more can, itÂ’s years and years of saying I need to quit and countless cans bought and the constant internal shame that I couldnÂ’t even keep myself honest. I have a new found sense of self respect this time around, something that IÂ’m going to commit to upholding and raising the bar every day so that I never loose sight of the true prize.
Thank you for the advice, not directly but by sharing your stories you provide advice and tactics to beating the addiction.
Until next time.
