Kybo

[Doofus]

....I think subconsciously I was hoping that I would discover that I could get to the point where I could control the addiction and still have the occasional chew....

I was PLANNING on chewing this summer when I went back home to Texas to see my brothers (got six brothers - feel for you boys that don't have brothers). That was before I joined KTC and had to come to terms with the addiction side of it. I've had YEARS, too many YEARs, of slavery. That's why JGromo destroyed his gransfather's cigar (the most epic of quits). I can't go back. Look at how you hid cans in the mouth of that northern pike, how you found that can in the vacation rental from a previous year! Along the treeline etc. I'm angry that I wasted so much time and health, and $$$$. Wow. had to vent. Had a mild crave this evening and remembered all that...

Yeah. That "PLANNING" that we were doing early on was just our brain trying to negotiate with the nic bitch. I did the same thing. At first I was just going to cut back, but still have a chew every once in awhile. Then, I was going to just quit for awhile to prove that I was still in control. Next, I was going to quit, but just chew on "special occasions." It only took me about a month of cutting back to realize that I was never going to be in control of my addiction. At that point I knew I was going to have to do all or nothing. I chose to give up the nic bitch completely.

I am like the Federal government now. I no longer negotiate with that terrorist. I just shoot that bad bitch down. 'Remshot'

FYI - I am still finding cans. Just found one last week shoved in a rubber boot inside the tool box in the bed of my truck. I don't even remember putting it there.

Oh I hear that, fishing season is about to kick off....I already found tins in my gear

[kybo]

....I think subconsciously I was hoping that I would discover that I could get to the point where I could control the addiction and still have the occasional chew....

I was PLANNING on chewing this summer when I went back home to Texas to see my brothers (got six brothers - feel for you boys that don't have brothers). That was before I joined KTC and had to come to terms with the addiction side of it. I've had YEARS, too many YEARs, of slavery. That's why JGromo destroyed his gransfather's cigar (the most epic of quits). I can't go back. Look at how you hid cans in the mouth of that northern pike, how you found that can in the vacation rental from a previous year! Along the treeline etc. I'm angry that I wasted so much time and health, and $$$$. Wow. had to vent. Had a mild crave this evening and remembered all that...

Yeah. That "PLANNING" that we were doing early on was just our brain trying to negotiate with the nic bitch. I did the same thing. At first I was just going to cut back, but still have a chew every once in awhile. Then, I was going to just quit for awhile to prove that I was still in control. Next, I was going to quit, but just chew on "special occasions." It only took me about a month of cutting back to realize that I was never going to be in control of my addiction. At that point I knew I was going to have to do all or nothing. I chose to give up the nic bitch completely.

I am like the Federal government now. I no longer negotiate with that terrorist. I just shoot that bad bitch down. 'Remshot'

FYI - I am still finding cans. Just found one last week shoved in a rubber boot inside the tool box in the bed of my truck. I don't even remember putting it there.

[Athan]

....I think subconsciously I was hoping that I would discover that I could get to the point where I could control the addiction and still have the occasional chew....

I was PLANNING on chewing this summer when I went back home to Texas to see my brothers (got six brothers - feel for you boys that don't have brothers). That was before I joined KTC and had to come to terms with the addiction side of it. I've had YEARS, too many YEARs, of slavery. That's why JGromo destroyed his gransfather's cigar (the most epic of quits). I can't go back. Look at how you hid cans in the mouth of that northern pike, how you found that can in the vacation rental from a previous year! Along the treeline etc. I'm angry that I wasted so much time and health, and $$$$. Wow. had to vent. Had a mild crave this evening and remembered all that...

[kybo]

So here I am sitting at my youngest daughterÂ’s first outdoor practice of the Spring soccer season. I am pretty sure this will be the first outdoor practice of her life that I wasnÂ’t there with a ninja dip in my mouth. I was a little worried about this being a trigger for me, but it is actually quite the opposite. It is kind of nice to not have to sneak around a tobacco free facility trying to hide the disgusting wad of shit in my mouth. I could totally get used to this!! I call that a win!

[kybo]

BrianG posted the gem below from DeanTheCoot on Athan's intro page yesterday. I just cut and pasted this one paragraph because I swear it is something I could have written myself. I am still working on developing that militant hatred, but the rest of it is me all the way. I do come to KTC every day and watch the struggles of the new guys/gals. I feel sorry for them and happy for them at the same time. It strengthens my quit to watch what they go through. I also see the people that cave and/or just disappear from the site. I feel only sorrow for them. But, they strengthen my quit too.

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The nic bitch is the mental version of the Sham Wow fag, you need to turn the fucking channel or put in some ear plugs. Honestly what helped me is finding some other poor deluded addict on his day one and watching him struggle like hell. It was almost sadistic at first. I felt satiatied when they hit the fog and the funk and the headaches and first no sleep then can't sleep enough, and the mouth sores and the fear of cancer. Watching them helped me stay quit because I hated that and won't do it again. I remember being desperate to stop and each night laying in bed thinking tomorrow tomorrow I wont dip. Watching guys cave forces me to remember that and not become complacent with my quit. Then it turned from love of dip and a sense of loss to a militant hatred. You have to cultivate that hate. Watching people struggle today pisses me off, not at them, but at the addiction. It is crazy the toll nic takes on us both mentally and physically. Find some strugglers in the new group and try to shepard them thru to the Hof. Don't get discouraged with yourself if they cave, many will. It will only remind you how far you have come and what you left behind. This will strengthen your quit. If they do make it, sharing the struggle with them will strengthen your quit as well.

Good luck Dean The Quitter

[Doofus]

It's pretty amazing how similar all our stories are....total transparency is that nicotine bitch's greatest enemy! Day 87, proud with you today.

Thoughts of chew still enter my mind on occasion. It's okay. I laugh internally and scoff at how desperate and clingy the nic bitch is; such a whore, stealing the lifeblood out of men, fathers, heroes to our children, leaders in our communities. I look down into her big doe eyes, calmly raise my leg, and firmly press my boot into her throat, choking the lifeblood out of her and her poisonous lies. That is how I think of chew now.

My preferred method is to visualize myself beating her with a tire iron. It would definitely be easier for me if I didn't see nicotine as a female, but you have to work with the tools you have.

I visialize dropping an "upper decker in her apartment" during a party, pissing in her shampoo bottles, blowing a load on her face towel and then just walking away to let her enjoy her shit water.....is that wrong? 'oh yeah'

[kybo]

It's pretty amazing how similar all our stories are....total transparency is that nicotine bitch's greatest enemy! Day 87, proud with you today.

Thoughts of chew still enter my mind on occasion. It's okay. I laugh internally and scoff at how desperate and clingy the nic bitch is; such a whore, stealing the lifeblood out of men, fathers, heroes to our children, leaders in our communities. I look down into her big doe eyes, calmly raise my leg, and firmly press my boot into her throat, choking the lifeblood out of her and her poisonous lies. That is how I think of chew now.

My preferred method is to visualize myself beating her with a tire iron. It would definitely be easier for me if I didn't see nicotine as a female, but you have to work with the tools you have.

[eric71]

It's pretty amazing how similar all our stories are....total transparency is that nicotine bitch's greatest enemy! Day 87, proud with you today.

Thoughts of chew still enter my mind on occasion. It's okay. I laugh internally and scoff at how desperate and clingy the nic bitch is; such a whore, stealing the lifeblood out of men, fathers, heroes to our children, leaders in our communities. I look down into her big doe eyes, calmly raise my leg, and firmly press my boot into her throat, choking the lifeblood out of her and her poisonous lies. That is how I think of chew now.

[Doofus]

It's pretty amazing how similar all our stories are....total transparency is that nicotine bitch's greatest enemy! Day 87, proud with you today.

[kybo]

....I feel like my inability to control my addiction is really what drove me to go cold turkey in the first place....

This is what really did it for me in the end; I could no longer tolerate myself for being willfully subservient to an inanimate object. I hope that never leaves me.

Exactly! It is the fuel that drives me. I never want to forget.

When I first started seriously thinking about quitting I decided that at first I would just cut back and gradually taper my usage down to nothing. I think subconsciously I was hoping that I would discover that I could get to the point where I could control the addiction and still have the occasional chew. I tapered down for roughly a month and suffered physical withdrawals every day during that time. It sucked, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. It made me realize 100% that I was physically addicted to it and I had absolutely zero control over it. I did not like that feeling at all.

I look back now and I am glad I tried to taper down before I went cold turkey. My resolve might not be as strong today if I had done it any other way. I think that attempt to taper really made me take a hard look in the mirror. And what I saw looking back at me really pissed me off.

1) what saw in mirror pissed me off
2) all my OCD behaviors...flossing, recycling, 2 tins a day, sometimes 3, 1 dip= full tin, health effects
3) guilt
4) cost....volume of my habit was insane
5) no control, nothing in life has kicked my ass as bad as nicotine

The list for quit goes on and on....the other motivator has been my competitive spirit, I dont like to lose, dont know many people that do.....but KTC presented a winning strategy, one I could not do on my own

About five years ago my employer went to mandatory direct deposit. My wife about shit when she saw how much money I actually made. I had been skimming cash off of every check for years when I deposited the checks at the bank. She had no idea. Direct deposit put an end to that. After direct deposit started I had to make up all kinds of bullshit to explain why I needed to withdraw so much money every month. Talk about feeling guilty.

[Doofus]

....I feel like my inability to control my addiction is really what drove me to go cold turkey in the first place....

This is what really did it for me in the end; I could no longer tolerate myself for being willfully subservient to an inanimate object. I hope that never leaves me.

Exactly! It is the fuel that drives me. I never want to forget.

When I first started seriously thinking about quitting I decided that at first I would just cut back and gradually taper my usage down to nothing. I think subconsciously I was hoping that I would discover that I could get to the point where I could control the addiction and still have the occasional chew. I tapered down for roughly a month and suffered physical withdrawals every day during that time. It sucked, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. It made me realize 100% that I was physically addicted to it and I had absolutely zero control over it. I did not like that feeling at all.

I look back now and I am glad I tried to taper down before I went cold turkey. My resolve might not be as strong today if I had done it any other way. I think that attempt to taper really made me take a hard look in the mirror. And what I saw looking back at me really pissed me off.

1) what saw in mirror pissed me off
2) all my OCD behaviors...flossing, recycling, 2 tins a day, sometimes 3, 1 dip= full tin, health effects
3) guilt
4) cost....volume of my habit was insane
5) no control, nothing in life has kicked my ass as bad as nicotine

The list for quit goes on and on....the other motivator has been my competitive spirit, I dont like to lose, dont know many people that do.....but KTC presented a winning strategy, one I could not do on my own

[kybo]

....I feel like my inability to control my addiction is really what drove me to go cold turkey in the first place....

This is what really did it for me in the end; I could no longer tolerate myself for being willfully subservient to an inanimate object. I hope that never leaves me.

Exactly! It is the fuel that drives me. I never want to forget.

When I first started seriously thinking about quitting I decided that at first I would just cut back and gradually taper my usage down to nothing. I think subconsciously I was hoping that I would discover that I could get to the point where I could control the addiction and still have the occasional chew. I tapered down for roughly a month and suffered physical withdrawals every day during that time. It sucked, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. It made me realize 100% that I was physically addicted to it and I had absolutely zero control over it. I did not like that feeling at all.

I look back now and I am glad I tried to taper down before I went cold turkey. My resolve might not be as strong today if I had done it any other way. I think that attempt to taper really made me take a hard look in the mirror. And what I saw looking back at me really pissed me off.

[Athan]

....I feel like my inability to control my addiction is really what drove me to go cold turkey in the first place....

This is what really did it for me in the end; I could no longer tolerate myself for being willfully subservient to an inanimate object. I hope that never leaves me.

[kybo]

Day 93

Monday.....

Is it a blessing or a curse that I still find myself thinking about chew every day? I definitely can't say that I am having cravings, but somehow chew finds it's way into my thoughts several times a day. I find it to be extremely annoying, but I also think it helps strengthen my resolve a little bit. I feel like my inability to control my addiction is really what drove me to go cold turkey in the first place. So, as long as my brain keeps thinking about chew every day it is constantly reminding me that I can't have just one without totally losing control again. It really is an interesting dichotomy. I don't want to think about chew, but I am afraid that I will get complacent if I don't think about chew.

[kybo]

In light of some of the recent jackassery that I have seen going on in various places over the last few days, I thought it would be a good idea to cut and paste a comment that I made awhile back on someone else's Intro page so that it will be easier for me to find when I need to read it again. There are just some days that I need to remind myself to listen to the message and not pay any attention to the asshat that is typing the words. Today is one of those days.

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There is no doubt that a psychiatrist could make a career out of analyzing the various personalities on KTC. There are definitely some run of the mill jerks, narcissistic jackasses, and even a few passive aggressive asshats roaming the halls looking to instigate trouble.

I am not going to lie. I have dreamed several times about how awesome it would be to meet some of these people in person and then punch them in the face. But, when you really think about it we aren't all that different from each other. We want to quit tobacco, and we want you to quit tobacco. Successful marriages have been built on less than that. Just because somebody has zero social skills it doesn't necessarily mean they don't have anything important to say. Believe it or not, they are trying to help you.

If you have thin skin maybe it would be better for you if you tried to ignore some of the troublemakers. But, if you do decide to ignore the personalities I would highly recommend you at least listen to the message they are trying to deliver. It might save your life.

Take what you need and leave the rest. One day at a time. I wish you the best and I hope you are successful.