I'm Back. I'm Dumb.

[J2b]

Thanks for that post.

X2

[G]

Thanks for that post.

[wastepanel]

So, this is 6 months quit...

I really thought CNC, Moe, and myself were clear that being a retread is not all the fun and games people make it out to be. We screamed how important it is to post roll everyday. We've practiced it for close to 200 days now. Yet, the basterds keep falling off roll one by one.

It pisses me off because I fell off the posting wagon early in 2007. I stopped posting around 150 days in that stoppage. I didn't cave right away. I was "quit"!

In the next 850 plus days, my brain began ridding itself of my addict thoughts. It started with the nicotine cravings and ended with the tools I learned that kept me quit. The greatest lie ever is an addict convincing himself he's cured.

I never planned caved. I got drunk, and I asked to bum one off of my friend. It was that simple. No warning lights went off. I hadn't even thought about the site in quite a while. I said "That sounds good" and I was off. I didn't feel bad afterwards either. It was gross, and I spit it out fairly quickly.

I did not think about it again for about a week. Unfortunately, I started a timer in my body that was going to lead to it returning to a dependent state.

The next week, the nic bitch was in my ear.

Scott....you're the man. You used to chew all the time. Not anymore. Hell, you chewed last week with no cravings or thoughts of it until now. It's true. You can't get re-addicted with just one. In fact...I bet you could chew with your friends now. Just don't buy a can...

So I did.

Everytime I saw my friends, I was chewing again. Until they got pissed over all the bumming I was doing...

Scott...It's not fair these guys have to give up their hard earned money all the time. Would you be happy if they kept coming over and drinking your beer? Just buy a can and toss it afterwards. Kara will never know...

So I did.

I bought a can for $4.50 everytime I went out with my friends (or I was drinking and my wife wasn't around). I would have 3-4 chews a night on these occasions (1 night a week) for the next month or so. At first, I'd toss the can the moment I got in the car. Gradually, it was as I was pulling into my neighborhood.

Until one day...

Scott...Are you really going to waste that? You have a good $3.00 worth of chew. You can keep it in your car and just get out when you're going out with your friends. That's just being thrifty, man. You're strong, and it's not like you're re-addicted....

So I did.

I put the can in the glove compartment and would forget about it until I was going out (until tax season started though). Tax season sucks. You give up 3 good months of your life and everybody in it. I was working much more, and my stress level was through the roof. One night, as I was coming home from work at 1:30 am, my can beckoned me.

Scott...I can relax you. You still reach for me out of habit when you get stuck on a tax return. I've always been there to help you out, and I'm willing to do it again. As long as you're not chewing at home, you're fine. That's how you can stay control of me, ok?

So I did.

By March of 2010, I was back to chewing as much as I could. I didn't see my wife that often, and would sneak downstairs to "work on taxes". When I did see her, we were in bed, waking up from the bed, or eating a meal.

I was chewing all day long, but I wasn't re-addicted. Nope...I was in control.

Yet I had started chewing at home because I wanted to.

I didn't care anymore. I liked chewing. It relaxed me. It made me a better worker. It took the edge off. And I was dreading April 15 because it meant I was going to have to be home more and I could not go an entire evening without chewing.

My wife had just cleaned the kitchen floor. I had been putting in chews over the garbage can to assure there was no sprinkles on the floor. I missed that day. She grabbed a napkin, and started picking it up. She looked at it, and asked me if I had anything I wanted to tell her. I told her I started chewing again. It felt great to be free.

She was pissed.

I didn't care. I now had an excuse to chew all day long, everyday. No fucking hiding it. No pretending that I'm quit. Just cancer weed all day long.

It took me from October 25, 2009 to March 2010 for this process to complete. It wasn't overnight. It was a series of compromises I made with myself. I never craved initially. I never thought about the negative consequences or the board. It was a sneaky process, but deep down I knew. I knew the path I was on.

I am 184 days quit today. I have yet to miss a roll call.

That was my promise to myself when I returned. I forgot everything last time because I stopped posting roll. I stopped reminding myself how bad I was beforehand, and I stopped soiling nicotine's name. I forgot.

I will never forget again because I don't want to fucking do this again. There's way too good of a life that exists outside of a physically addicted state. I can run around with my boys. I don't have to explain what "Skoal Straight" is to a 7 year old. I don't have sneak a chew in before coaching his tee ball team. I don't have to pre-plan to kiss my wife. My temperature doesn't go up to 175 degrees the moment I am done eating. I don't wake up with that shit on my face. My shower doesn't clog because I 've spit a wad into the drain. Clients don't give me wierd looks when they realize I am, in fact, sporting a fatty in a meeting.

I give 30 seconds each morning for that freedom. There are no compromises on that. A cave is a compromise wrapped in lies. The rules are simple:

(1) Post roll.
(2) Stay quit.
(3) Repeat.

Please tell me where there is room to compromise in there. If you skip step 1, then are you supposed to skip it all the time since step 3 is "repeat"? How long until you start skipping step 2? 850 days?

Best.Return On Investment.Ever.

[wastepanel]

Trapjaw is fucking back.

Fuck you guys.

Again.

It's time to put the fear of God into these new guys.

[wastepanel]

Quitters:

My cell phone may or may not be out of commission for the next few days.

Please take note of this. I may not get your texts immediately or at all. I will give the ok when it is working again.

Until then, if anybody needs to get a hold of me, I can pm anybody my home phone number just in case. I'll send it to eafman, moe, tk, and cnc to be safe.

[wastepanel]

This is a great song, and inspiration to my HOF speech.

Daedalus By Thrice

I stand on the cliffs with my son next to me
This island our prison, our home
And everyday we look out at the sea
This place is all he's ever known

But I've got a plan and some wax and some string;
some feathers I stole from the birds
We leap from the cliff and we hear the wind
sing a song that's too perfect for words

But son, please keep a steady wing
And know your the only one that means anything to me
Steer clear of the sun, or you'll find yourself in the sea

Now safely away, I let out a cry
"We'll make the mainland by noon"
But Icarus climbs higher still in the sky
Maybe I've spoken too soon

Oh son, please keep a steady wing
And know your the only one that means anything to me
Steer clear of the sun, or you'll find yourself in the sea
Won't you look at your wings
They're coming undone
They're splitting at the seams
Steer clear of the sun, for once won't you listen to me?

O, Gods!
Why is this happening to me?
All I wanted was a new life for my son to grow up free
And now you took the only thing that meant anything to me
I will never fly again, I will hang up my wings
O, Gods!
Why is this happening to me?
All I wanted was a new life for my son to grow up free
And now you took the only thing that meant anything to me
I will never fly again, I will hang up my wings!
O, Gods!

[BallStateDeac]

And it's not a habit. It's a fucking addiction. Keep it up with your hope and habit and your stupid ass is destined to be posting yet another Day 1. Get your Shit together. Apparently a lot Of people spent a lot of time with you in chat. Don't waste it by continuing to dance around your issues.

I feel so welcome on this forum.

Why is everybody so hostile? Apparantly, nobody else on chat had quit for a long time and reverted back. The chatters all had taken anti-depressants at the onset of he quit, and there wasn't one person on there that had issues far into a quit. I was asking if/when those started the drugs started said drugs far into a quit. I was asked to toss my shit and I did.

Now I am few hours into this. My jaw is tingly, and I'm not going to take this hostile shit anymore.

Sorry to bother some of you.

Have to chuckle a bit at this post.

[wastepanel]

A unicorn shitting a rainbow.  That's beautiful man, just beautiful.

It's a horse with a sword on it's head.

And it is beautiful.

The very very best. I :wub: Unicorns blowing rainbows out their ass.

Is that unicorn shitting rainbows because you're sitting on its sword?

Oh, Timeless...

My new avatar is soooo much deeper than petty ghey jokes.

I chose the horse because, traditionally, horses symbolize Power,Grace, Beauty,
Nobility, Strength, and Freedom. These are all stages of an ongoing quit in my opinion.

Power-The first few days of a quit require power like you've never exuded before. You have to be more powerful than yourself. You have to convince yourself not to do something your body says you HAVE to.

Grace-A new quitter must be graceful and dance around the trappings of a quit. There's the complacency trapping. There's the urge to stop posting roll trapping. There's the "just one won't hurt" trapping. A graceful quitter can escape these.

Beauty-It's a beautiful thing to see a quitter get his/her legs and start leading the quit of his brethren and his/her own. It's like watching a child grow up before your eyes.

Nobility-Respect is earned on KTC with days quit. We vets hold ourselves up with high regard, and we all appreciate what each and every person here has accomplished.

Strength-Strength is the ability to look your demons in the face and back them down. Posting roll everyday is like a workout. You start out with barely any weight at first. But if you put in the time and the workout, you start making progress. Eventually, you can pick up the car in the parking lot.

Freedom-This is the reason we all signed up for KTC in the first place. We all just wanted freedom. But freedom doesn't come all at once. It's a one day at a time mentality, like everything else here.

The sword symbolizes the battle that each and every one of us wages each day in our addictions. It is attached to the horse's head like a tumor to remind us all that cancer can both be a consequence and a weapon in our quit.

The horse is evacuating rainbows from its behind because they have been shoved up there for years by others around us , and even ourselves. We like to think our feces doesn't stink, but it does. Those around us may tell us our addiction is just a habit, but it isn't. In order to be quit, you must abandon all sugar coated lies that have been fed to you and see them for what they are: refracted light that kind of smells funny.

All of this sits on a pink background because the world we live in is covered in this rainbow feces and lies. But it is beautiful. And it is the reason we wage this war. We want to be able to enjoy the freedom that quitting brings. We want to live long enough to paint our daughter's/granddaughter's rooms this very color.

Post roll.
Stay quit.
Repeat.

I like lamp...

That shit was deep wastepanel.

I was just going to comment how awesome the unicorn with rainbow flatulence looked...does it shart skittles?

Of course it sharts skittles.

Don't be silly.

[miles]

A unicorn shitting a rainbow.  That's beautiful man, just beautiful.

It's a horse with a sword on it's head.

And it is beautiful.

The very very best. I :wub: Unicorns blowing rainbows out their ass.

Is that unicorn shitting rainbows because you're sitting on its sword?

Oh, Timeless...

My new avatar is soooo much deeper than petty ghey jokes.

I chose the horse because, traditionally, horses symbolize Power,Grace, Beauty,
Nobility, Strength, and Freedom. These are all stages of an ongoing quit in my opinion.

Power-The first few days of a quit require power like you've never exuded before. You have to be more powerful than yourself. You have to convince yourself not to do something your body says you HAVE to.

Grace-A new quitter must be graceful and dance around the trappings of a quit. There's the complacency trapping. There's the urge to stop posting roll trapping. There's the "just one won't hurt" trapping. A graceful quitter can escape these.

Beauty-It's a beautiful thing to see a quitter get his/her legs and start leading the quit of his brethren and his/her own. It's like watching a child grow up before your eyes.

Nobility-Respect is earned on KTC with days quit. We vets hold ourselves up with high regard, and we all appreciate what each and every person here has accomplished.

Strength-Strength is the ability to look your demons in the face and back them down. Posting roll everyday is like a workout. You start out with barely any weight at first. But if you put in the time and the workout, you start making progress. Eventually, you can pick up the car in the parking lot.

Freedom-This is the reason we all signed up for KTC in the first place. We all just wanted freedom. But freedom doesn't come all at once. It's a one day at a time mentality, like everything else here.

The sword symbolizes the battle that each and every one of us wages each day in our addictions. It is attached to the horse's head like a tumor to remind us all that cancer can both be a consequence and a weapon in our quit.

The horse is evacuating rainbows from its behind because they have been shoved up there for years by others around us , and even ourselves. We like to think our feces doesn't stink, but it does. Those around us may tell us our addiction is just a habit, but it isn't. In order to be quit, you must abandon all sugar coated lies that have been fed to you and see them for what they are: refracted light that kind of smells funny.

All of this sits on a pink background because the world we live in is covered in this rainbow feces and lies. But it is beautiful. And it is the reason we wage this war. We want to be able to enjoy the freedom that quitting brings. We want to live long enough to paint our daughter's/granddaughter's rooms this very color.

Post roll.
Stay quit.
Repeat.

I like lamp...

That shit was deep wastepanel.

I was just going to comment how awesome the unicorn with rainbow flatulence looked...does it shart skittles?

[wastepanel]

A unicorn shitting a rainbow.  That's beautiful man, just beautiful.

It's a horse with a sword on it's head.

And it is beautiful.

The very very best. I :wub: Unicorns blowing rainbows out their ass.

Is that unicorn shitting rainbows because you're sitting on its sword?

Oh, Timeless...

My new avatar is soooo much deeper than petty ghey jokes.

I chose the horse because, traditionally, horses symbolize Power,Grace, Beauty,
Nobility, Strength, and Freedom. These are all stages of an ongoing quit in my opinion.

Power-The first few days of a quit require power like you've never exuded before. You have to be more powerful than yourself. You have to convince yourself not to do something your body says you HAVE to.

Grace-A new quitter must be graceful and dance around the trappings of a quit. There's the complacency trapping. There's the urge to stop posting roll trapping. There's the "just one won't hurt" trapping. A graceful quitter can escape these.

Beauty-It's a beautiful thing to see a quitter get his/her legs and start leading the quit of his brethren and his/her own. It's like watching a child grow up before your eyes.

Nobility-Respect is earned on KTC with days quit. We vets hold ourselves up with high regard, and we all appreciate what each and every person here has accomplished.

Strength-Strength is the ability to look your demons in the face and back them down. Posting roll everyday is like a workout. You start out with barely any weight at first. But if you put in the time and the workout, you start making progress. Eventually, you can pick up the car in the parking lot.

Freedom-This is the reason we all signed up for KTC in the first place. We all just wanted freedom. But freedom doesn't come all at once. It's a one day at a time mentality, like everything else here.

The sword symbolizes the battle that each and every one of us wages each day in our addictions. It is attached to the horse's head like a tumor to remind us all that cancer can both be a consequence and a weapon in our quit.

The horse is evacuating rainbows from its behind because they have been shoved up there for years by others around us , and even ourselves. We like to think our feces doesn't stink, but it does. Those around us may tell us our addiction is just a habit, but it isn't. In order to be quit, you must abandon all sugar coated lies that have been fed to you and see them for what they are: refracted light that kind of smells funny.

All of this sits on a pink background because the world we live in is covered in this rainbow feces and lies. But it is beautiful. And it is the reason we wage this war. We want to be able to enjoy the freedom that quitting brings. We want to live long enough to paint our daughter's/granddaughter's rooms this very color.

Post roll.
Stay quit.
Repeat.

[Timeless117]

A unicorn shitting a rainbow.  That's beautiful man, just beautiful.

It's a horse with a sword on it's head.

And it is beautiful.

The very very best. I :wub: Unicorns blowing rainbows out their ass.

Is that unicorn shitting rainbows because you're sitting on its sword?

[Scowick65]

A unicorn shitting a rainbow.  That's beautiful man, just beautiful.

It's a horse with a sword on it's head.

And it is beautiful.

The very very best. I :wub: Unicorns blowing rainbows out their ass.

[wastepanel]

A unicorn shitting a rainbow. That's beautiful man, just beautiful.

It's a horse with a sword on it's head.

And it is beautiful.

[Notdeadyet]

A unicorn shitting a rainbow. That's beautiful man, just beautiful.

[J2b]

So with that being said, I am going to unveil a new avatar here on Monday.  Trapjaw is going to take his victory lap for the weekend, and he will be retired for "something".  I'm not sure what I'm going to use, so ideas are welcome.

If you want to stick with the MOTU theme, I'd say this would be right up your alley...

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GofVw3j_hI8/T ... 0/adam.jpg

'crackup'