KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Dawgs on February 24, 2019, 10:05:52 AM
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Good morning folks. My name is dawgs. I turned 40 on 2/5. That was also my last dip. At 1845 that evening. I’ve heard of this site before but an a little bummed that I just now really looked in to it. I am beginning day 19. I went cold turkey, no replacement. It really sucks. I feel like shit, still. BUT, I have finally found out that, even though I feel like shit, I still feel better than I have in a really long time.
I am rambling for a minute, but I have no one to talk this out with. My wife doesn’t want to hear about it. My friends don’t even know I do it. I began when I was 17. I stopped at 40. It’s more than just an addiction, it’s a love. I love dip. But I also love nicotine. And, as most addictions go, I hate it all at the same time. Everyday for last 5 days, the craving has been really fucking intense. With lots of stress at work and other stuff, it feels almost like I am on day 2 or 3 again. I walk into the gas station and at the register is a rack of nicotine gum. SON OF A BITCH THAT LOOKS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!! But no, I don’t do it. I want to, but I walk away. I have to get rid of this addiction. It isn’t negotiable. It can’t be just a social or casual thing. It is all or nothing. I CANT CAVE!! I WONT CAVE!!!. I see a lot of badasses on here who have dipped longer, heavier and who have had worse things happen to them and they didn’t cave. I applaud you and thank you for being a role model for me. I apologize for my language. I don’t normally use profanity but this quit thing has brought out the beast in me.
Again, sorry for the rambling. It feels good to get this all off my chest and not go through this alone. A special thanks to those that have quit and continue to stay vigilant and help others. You are the one and only reason I know I can do this. Thanks for listening to me.
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Welcome Dawgs! You are in the right place and it sounds like you are here for the right reasons. One day at a time. Soon you will start feeling better and better.
I'll send you a message with my digits. Feel free to reach out. There's a lot of great support here to help you get through the bad days.
Keep it up!
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Welcome Home Brother, that's the cool thing about this site, We are all going through the same shit together, and together we will beat it! Glad to have you here. If you ever need anything my Digits are a PM away! Remember this simple fact
We Quit One Day at a Time (ODAAT) we Wake Up, Piss, Post on Roll, every day (WUPP) get digits from folks, it really does help. Stay Strong, Stay True.
The Cravings Pass, Work is a huge trigger for me, as the stress is high, Stay busy, Drink lots of Water, take a short walk if you can, Remember you are quitting for 24 Hours, then you start over again. Draw that line in the Sand, Make a goal (Its 8 am, I'm just starting work, I am going to quit and make it to 10, then 12 etc.) Hour by Hour, Minute by Minute, Second by second. When you get to that "Line" draw another. I found the best thing to do is not dwell on things, try your best. Nicotine is the Bitch, she is every where Dip, Chew, Cigars, Cigs, Gum, EPens.. I use to think it was better to use Gum or Patches, but that don't get us away from the thing that keeps us.
The feelings as you know Suck, Embrace them, Never forget how shitty you felt, You don't want to go back. Toss the Money you would normally spend in a jar or something, buy yourself something cool at the end of the month!
Welcome to KTC Brother!
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Dawgs,
Read Rick Jr's message below and then go post roll call in the May 2019 Pre-HOF group (https://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?topic=1015.0).
Get on the quit train and make it real.
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Day 19 on your own is pretty badass! But you definitely came to the right place. Lots of good guys here willing to help out and keep you straight. You must completely buy in, exchange digits, and keep tellin all forms of nicotine to fuck off. Glad to see you here brother, and if you ever need anything including some digits, hit me up. Accountability is the name of the game around here. Keep rockin your quit and congrats.
Steve
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I’m also in the May 19 group and saw you posted roll, well done. I don’t have much to add other than I just wanted to reinforce the community here and the accountability. We are building a strong quit group in May 19, and look forward to adding another strong member. We make our promise to quit nicotine every morning as soon as we get up, as the others said WUPP. If you want digits are a PM away.
I quit with you today, Jon.
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Holy crap...I’ve never felt this welcome or protected anywhere in my life. The fact that it’s a bunch of strangers is even crazier. But, I am seeing, as I’ve spent a large part of today reading through the forum, that I may not k ow any of you personally...we are all bonded through the decision, the quit, the refusal to give in and the willingness and determination to help others. This is actually a little overwhelming for me, as I’ve never been one to share feelings or let ANYONE in to my darker side. I have much appreciation to everyone of you. I’ve had multiple people dm me, freely giving me their digits to make sure I have the lines and resources to use. The decision ultimately rests with me. You may very well hear from me. I have fought this addiction for 23 years. It has consumed me every minute of every day. I don’t want to go back. And I will use every thing I can to do so. Thank you again...all of you for encouraging me and hopefully for kicking me in the nuts if needed.
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Hey Dawgs,
Welcome to the group and congratulations on your quit. Here are some words of wisdom I like to share:
The main way to be successful is to just decide that you have quit. Once you stop the negotiating in your head as to whether you will do one more or not the rest becomes far more simple.
The next important thing is to learn how to distract your attention. When you get those thoughts about dipping, switch your attention and think about something else. Anything else that you like. This ability to change your focus will guarantee your success and make your quit that much easier.
When you place a dip in your mouth, your brain releases sugars. Well, those sugars are now going to be gone.
However, you can replace them with OJ or other fruit juices with sugar. This will provide some comfort, especially on your initial quit days.
Make sure to exercise with weights and cardio when you feel that nagging tension in your muscles, you feel that rage, when you can not sleep and when you cannot focus. Exercise really helps.
Here is one that most people overlook. Get at least 3 square meals a day. Hunger can really bring on those urges so squash those urges before they come. Eat full healthy meals and do not let yourself get excessively hungry. You will see this helps a great deal.
I waited until I was 59 quit after using tobacco for 40 years. You are wise to quit now.
I quit with you today.
Dundippin day 1260
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Hey guys—- Just wanted to do a small update. As I sit here and scroll through all the new people who are 1-10 days in, I am reminded how far I’ve come in 35 days. I feel proud. Not arrogant, but proud. I know everyday is a new day now. We quit day by day. My motivation for quitting this time is right. The support I have here is perfect. For me, as I suspect for many others, 35 days quit is an accomplishment in itself. There have been good days and there have been bad days. Nicotine is a horrible chemical. It makes us believe that it is the one and only thing that can make us feel good, feel normal and feel fulfilled. It’s all a freakin lie. It’s a lie that we choose to believe over time. All that being said...it’s been 35 days. Even the rough days of cravens are tolerable and better than planning my day around when I can get a dip. It’s freedom. Even though my attitude can be shitty at times due to craving a dip, I feel like I’ve been let out of a prison. Not to mention that my health will only improve. I want to thank all of you for the support. When I’ve reached out, you’ve been there. When I haven’t reached out, you’ve still been there. There will still be rough days. For all of us. I am nothing special in that department. It’s all about how we handle it. For me, y’all have been a life line, so I give you a deep, heartfelt thank you for the time and support. ODAAT, with my brothers!!!! Thank you
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Hey guys—- Just wanted to do a small update. As I sit here and scroll through all the new people who are 1-10 days in, I am reminded how far I’ve come in 35 days. I feel proud. Not arrogant, but proud. I know everyday is a new day now. We quit day by day. My motivation for quitting this time is right. The support I have here is perfect. For me, as I suspect for many others, 35 days quit is an accomplishment in itself. There have been good days and there have been bad days. Nicotine is a horrible chemical. It makes us believe that it is the one and only thing that can make us feel good, feel normal and feel fulfilled. It’s all a freakin lie. It’s a lie that we choose to believe over time. All that being said...it’s been 35 days. Even the rough days of cravens are tolerable and better than planning my day around when I can get a dip. It’s freedom. Even though my attitude can be shitty at times due to craving a dip, I feel like I’ve been let out of a prison. Not to mention that my health will only improve. I want to thank all of you for the support. When I’ve reached out, you’ve been there. When I haven’t reached out, you’ve still been there. There will still be rough days. For all of us. I am nothing special in that department. It’s all about how we handle it. For me, y’all have been a life line, so I give you a deep, heartfelt thank you for the time and support. ODAAT, with my brothers!!!! Thank you
Freedom is everything when it comes to this addiction. Proud as hell to be on this journey with you.
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Day 39. These damned random cravings. It’s 1045 at night. I would love a freakin fatty dip right now. For whatever reason, it just hit and hit hard. I again feel my heart rate increase, breathing increase. There is a longing in me right now that is almost downright pathetic. My brain is screaming for a dip. Or, at least, my mind is. Ive noticed the weight gain lately. Ive posted about it before. I am also thinking that if i were dipping right now along with the exercise plan I’ve been on for the last month, I’d be almost fat free. I think that makes me want one even more. I know everyone else expierences this, in some form. I am NOT caving. I just needed to put this down. Maybe just ramble. But it does seem harder right now than it has since about day 4 or 5. I know plenty others have had worse. I’m not trying to have a pity party. Maybe just need a kick in the nutsack or possible a word or two of encouragement, I don’t know. I know i am healthier without this crap. I know i am stronger without this crap. But moments like now make me wonder if i really care about being healthy or strong. But then i read over my last sentence and realize something. I said it was a moment. Not a day or even an hour. It’s a moment. It will pass. But that moment can be life changing. That brings me to now. I just need to reiterate that i quit!! Tonight, with all of my brothers on this site. Thanks for the support.
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Dawgs I feel for you bro. Im also here for you, don't hesitate to call. It's funny how she hits us all a little different. But you are way stronger, way tougher, way more driven, motivated than the old nic bitch can ever be. Keep your head up.
We're here for you man.
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Day 39. These damned random cravings. It’s 1045 at night. I would love a freakin fatty dip right now. For whatever reason, it just hit and hit hard. I again feel my heart rate increase, breathing increase. There is a longing in me right now that is almost downright pathetic. My brain is screaming for a dip. Or, at least, my mind is. Ive noticed the weight gain lately. Ive posted about it before. I am also thinking that if i were dipping right now along with the exercise plan I’ve been on for the last month, I’d be almost fat free. I think that makes me want one even more. I know everyone else expierences this, in some form. I am NOT caving. I just needed to put this down. Maybe just ramble. But it does seem harder right now than it has since about day 4 or 5. I know plenty others have had worse. I’m not trying to have a pity party. Maybe just need a kick in the nutsack or possible a word or two of encouragement, I don’t know. I know i am healthier without this crap. I know i am stronger without this crap. But moments like now make me wonder if i really care about being healthy or strong. But then i read over my last sentence and realize something. I said it was a moment. Not a day or even an hour. It’s a moment. It will pass. But that moment can be life changing. That brings me to now. I just need to reiterate that i quit!! Tonight, with all of my brothers on this site. Thanks for the support.
Quitting with you today. Good job sitting down and blogging it out. I found tremendous solace in that act alone - that and reaching out to folks in my group just to talk about it. You are NOT alone and you CAN do this. Congratulations on being an active participant in your life and making changes to be a better man!
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Guys-thank you. The response I got to help me through that was both humbling and overwhelming. I’m not use to that kind of response. Within 5 mins of posting, my phone was blowing up with messages. My inbox blew up with messages. That’s why I say I’m not used to that kind of response. People who know me, my “friends” wouldn’t do that. A bunch of guys I’ve never met though, late at night, jumped up to the plate. That’s what’s beautiful about this place here. I hate to call it just a website. It is so much more. It’s a community. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that response. These cravings overall are getting better and easier to deal with. That one was just stronger than normal and it scared me. Then the mind games set in. Y’all didn’t let that last long. I begin Day 40 of quit today. I will end day 40 quit today. Thanks to this community.
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Guys-thank you. The response I got to help me through that was both humbling and overwhelming. I’m not use to that kind of response. Within 5 mins of posting, my phone was blowing up with messages. My inbox blew up with messages. That’s why I say I’m not used to that kind of response. People who know me, my “friends” wouldn’t do that. A bunch of guys I’ve never met though, late at night, jumped up to the plate. That’s what’s beautiful about this place here. I hate to call it just a website. It is so much more. It’s a community. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that response. These cravings overall are getting better and easier to deal with. That one was just stronger than normal and it scared me. Then the mind games set in. Y’all didn’t let that last long. I begin Day 40 of quit today. I will end day 40 quit today. Thanks to this community.
For you, from JustPassingThrough (June '18) on day 40 of his quit....
"Just Passing Through- Day 40....kinda Biblical. Sure, it didn't rain for 40 days straight, and I didn't have to wonder the desert for 40 years, or fast for 40 days as Jesus did; but in the context of the trials caused by/ during of all those things, it's a cool little milestone."
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Day 44—44 days since I’ve had poison in my body. I am proud, but guarded. Ive realized that the cravings, overall, have gotten better. I still get really intense ones every few days, but even those are becoming more manageable. Here’s what i am noticing though, my temper is terrible right now. Ive been blowing up at my family, friends, coworkers and even everyone on here. My temper just burns right now. Even though i am proud of my accomplishment so far, i am NOT proud of the way i have treated people. It is NOT ok. That is NOT who i really am. Earlier, i read all of the eternal quitters posts. As i read them, it made me wonder. What would my family say if i died right now? My friends? All of you? As i read all of those posts, i realized that this is just one more way the nic bitch gets us, or at least me. If something happened to me today, I don’t want people to be happy I’m gone. I don’t want to be remembered for being a dick. I want to be remembered for winning the fight. Putting my family first and putting my pride aside. For being someone who led by example on here and at home. I say all of that to say, if i have gone off on any of you, and i know i have, i apologize. I know it is often said here that everyone here is good for being yelled at and to vent to. But even so, i apologize. I am working hard on this aspect of my quit. I am really trying to always keep in mind why i am quitting. It isn’t for my family. Not directly anyway, but rather for me. It isn’t their fault i got hooked on this crap. It’s mine. I am doing this for me. I have to be healthy and not enslaved to this poison. Thank you all for putting up with me as i navigate this with your help. 44 days of freedom.
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Stay strong brother! I am right there with you and completely understand how you are feeling. I am trusting in our veterans and keep telling myself it will get better.
I am proud of you. I am here if you need to vent, or bullshit.
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Hey Brother Dawgs... I’m a newbie but here for you if you need to chat. You’ve been checking on me since I got here and I’m doing the same now. I’m on Day 4 and quit with you on your 44
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Guys-thank you. The response I got to help me through that was both humbling and overwhelming. I’m not use to that kind of response. Within 5 mins of posting, my phone was blowing up with messages. My inbox blew up with messages. That’s why I say I’m not used to that kind of response. People who know me, my “friends” wouldn’t do that. A bunch of guys I’ve never met though, late at night, jumped up to the plate. That’s what’s beautiful about this place here. I hate to call it just a website. It is so much more. It’s a community. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that response. These cravings overall are getting better and easier to deal with. That one was just stronger than normal and it scared me. Then the mind games set in. Y’all didn’t let that last long. I begin Day 40 of quit today. I will end day 40 quit today. Thanks to this community.
For you, from JustPassingThrough (June '18) on day 40 of his quit....
"Just Passing Through- Day 40....kinda Biblical. Sure, it didn't rain for 40 days straight, and I didn't have to wonder the desert for 40 years, or fast for 40 days as Jesus did; but in the context of the trials caused by/ during of all those things, it's a cool little milestone."
That's one of the beautys behind KTC my brother. We can first start our problems here!
Just like what you're doing now go to your intro and VENT!
The rage is something I had to get over too I think most of us Ex-Dippers HAHA
Dawgs I'm so proud to be quit with you and the rest of May. If you need me man hit me up!!!
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Day 52- Huge win on day 51. I HATE public speaking. With a passion. It causes me so much damn anxiety. Normally, i dip like a wild man in the few days leading up to whatever public speaking thing i am doing. I don’t do it often, so i think that is partially why i get nervous. But, whatever, point being....On Monday(as I type this, its Thursday) i was told by my manager i had to give a talk to a big group of physicians about our company. This was to take place on Wednesday night(last night). A lot of the times in these situations, we have company prepared presentations to go off of, making it a little easier. However, this time, we had nothing. I had to come up with one all on my own, in addition to performing my normal duties. So, Monday night, Tuesday night and last night right up until go time, i worked on this. I had a total of 4 hours of sleep since waking up Monday morning. Needless to say, my stress and anxiety levels were through the roof. Usually, i would be dipping like crazy, as i said. I would have been through 3-4 cans, minimum between Monday and last night. I was feeling the urge, the temptation, the craving. EVERYTHING inside of me screamed...GO GET A DIP!!!!!!!!!! So, what happened? I did NOT get a dip. Instead, i reached out to my May, bad MFing, group. On our groupme account, i told them how i was feeling and what was happening. My freakin phone blew the F UP!!!!!!!! These brothers of mine...man, i gotta tell you. They dropped whatever they were doing and started giving encouragement and guidance. I’m not a dude that shows much emotion, but I have to confess. And I don’t care who says what about me...i dropped a couple of tears at the response i got. I also felt so damn empowered to tell the nic bitch to F off.
I tell this long, drawn out story for a couple of reasons. First...the presentation went really well. Second, i did, even with the help of my brothers, prove to myself that I don’t need that shit to get through tough things. And, it feels really good to look back on this week and know that I haven’t dipped. Third....i have the best damn quit brothers EVER. I love you guys, in a manly sort of way. You helped me get through this hurdle without even thinking twice. Hilltop, Justin J, MattL, AW, Bgbdbrd...and EVERYONE else.....THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! From the encouragement leading up to it....to the congratulations after it was over. Just a side not...who were the first people i talked to about it? My wife? No...my coworkers? No.....it was my brothers. Thank you guys for your help getting through this. I feel stronger because of it and i feel proud, more than ever, to stand quit with you!!!!!!
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Day 52- Huge win on day 51. I HATE public speaking. With a passion. It causes me so much damn anxiety. Normally, i dip like a wild man in the few days leading up to whatever public speaking thing i am doing. I don’t do it often, so i think that is partially why i get nervous. But, whatever, point being....On Monday(as I type this, its Thursday) i was told by my manager i had to give a talk to a big group of physicians about our company. This was to take place on Wednesday night(last night). A lot of the times in these situations, we have company prepared presentations to go off of, making it a little easier. However, this time, we had nothing. I had to come up with one all on my own, in addition to performing my normal duties. So, Monday night, Tuesday night and last night right up until go time, i worked on this. I had a total of 4 hours of sleep since waking up Monday morning. Needless to say, my stress and anxiety levels were through the roof. Usually, i would be dipping like crazy, as i said. I would have been through 3-4 cans, minimum between Monday and last night. I was feeling the urge, the temptation, the craving. EVERYTHING inside of me screamed...GO GET A DIP!!!!!!!!!! So, what happened? I did NOT get a dip. Instead, i reached out to my May, bad MFing, group. On our groupme account, i told them how i was feeling and what was happening. My freakin phone blew the F UP!!!!!!!! These brothers of mine...man, i gotta tell you. They dropped whatever they were doing and started giving encouragement and guidance. I’m not a dude that shows much emotion, but I have to confess. And I don’t care who says what about me...i dropped a couple of tears at the response i got. I also felt so damn empowered to tell the nic bitch to F off.
I tell this long, drawn out story for a couple of reasons. First...the presentation went really well. Second, i did, even with the help of my brothers, prove to myself that I don’t need that shit to get through tough things. And, it feels really good to look back on this week and know that I haven’t dipped. Third....i have the best damn quit brothers EVER. I love you guys, in a manly sort of way. You helped me get through this hurdle without even thinking twice. Hilltop, Justin J, MattL, AW, Bgbdbrd...and EVERYONE else.....THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! From the encouragement leading up to it....to the congratulations after it was over. Just a side not...who were the first people i talked to about it? My wife? No...my coworkers? No.....it was my brothers. Thank you guys for your help getting through this. I feel stronger because of it and i feel proud, more than ever, to stand quit with you!!!!!!
For those that leverage the system, that’s the power of KTC. My April team is a group of bad asses, they have my back no matter what the nic bitch has in store for me. I need them to stay quit and stay accountable and it sounds like you have also felt the true power of the quit brotherhood. Your story inspires me and I think tomorrow I’m going to reach out to a few brothers that I haven’t chatted with much lately and give them a bump for having my six. I’m proud to be quit with you today. QLF! we may be addicts, but today we chose freedom!
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To my quit brothers or anyone else reading this, especially the peeps who are you g in the quit....just when you think you are doing good...that’s when it hits. That’s when the funk or whatever the hell you wanna call it hits you square in the balls. This week has SUCKED!!!! Today is no different. Today is the rage day from hell. I am trying not to take it out on family, it isn’t working too well. This is about me, not them though. This is part of the addiction. This is part of why this addiction, like all addictions, suck nuts. I only post this as a warning to everyone who is less than 100 days. And maybe to those over 100. Be cautious. If it wasn’t for my brothers here I most likely would have caved already. Be vigilant guys. Drop the pride and talk about it. Stay tough!!!
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You are the man Dawgs. You have a great heart, as seen by your posts in July....proud as hell to quit with you. Stay strong and you got my digits if you need anything!
Gunnar 56
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Brother, you are an ass kicking Brother! Thank you for all you have done, I'm Proud and Honored to call you a Brother
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Day 87- 87 days since I last put that crap in my mouth. Overall, I feel pretty good. Sure, there are good days and bad days, but that’s life in general. It’s nice not to have to plan my movement out around dipping. I was always ninja/closet dipping. It is very isolating. You also tend to lie a lot. For me, it was not about getting caught, but rather being embarrassed by this addiction I had gotten in to. I was ashamed of it and wanted it all at the same time. I remember one night, a couple of years ago, very vividly. My wife and I had some friends over. A couple that was our age. They were very good friends with us. They had helped us through a very tough time in our marriage without judgment. They were rock solid friends. On this night, we were all just hanging out. As per usual, when I couldn’t be dipping, I would fall asleep in my recliner. My buddy wanted to try and scare me. He grabbed my ankle. Well, that’s where my can was, it n my sock. He didn’t say anything, at least not then. He emailed me later asking me what it was and that he was concerned that it was a can because he had seen that tactic when he was in the navy. Of course, I lied. I made up some BS story that it was a pain relieving bracelet. He dropped it cause he had no reason to think I would lie to him. In the moment, you don’t think about anything except preservation. Flash forward to now. I’ve gotten rid of it, freed. Except for one thing. I never did make it right with my buddy. I got a call 3 nights ago that he had a massive heart attack at work and died instantly. He was my age, 40. I’m left with a hole in me because he was such a great dude. Always laughing and giggling. Always looking for the best in people. But also cause I didn’t make it right with him. I never told him the truth. That’s something I have to live with. A choice I made. To my buddy...I am sorry. I can promise this one thing though. No more lies, no matter what happens. Good, bad or what. No more lies. It’s also been freeing to be honest with all of you. Never again will I go down that road. I lost a good friend. I’ve also gained a bunch of friends in here. Just want to say...for those you care about, make sure they know. We never know when our last moment will be. Secondly...live like it’s your last day, everyday. This has been a long post, I know. I needed this. To remind me of where I’ve been and what I’ve done, but also of where I’m headed.
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Day 87- 87 days since I last put that crap in my mouth. Overall, I feel pretty good. Sure, there are good days and bad days, but that’s life in general. It’s nice not to have to plan my movement out around dipping. I was always ninja/closet dipping. It is very isolating. You also tend to lie a lot. For me, it was not about getting caught, but rather being embarrassed by this addiction I had gotten in to. I was ashamed of it and wanted it all at the same time. I remember one night, a couple of years ago, very vividly. My wife and I had some friends over. A couple that was our age. They were very good friends with us. They had helped us through a very tough time in our marriage without judgment. They were rock solid friends. On this night, we were all just hanging out. As per usual, when I couldn’t be dipping, I would fall asleep in my recliner. My buddy wanted to try and scare me. He grabbed my ankle. Well, that’s where my can was, it n my sock. He didn’t say anything, at least not then. He emailed me later asking me what it was and that he was concerned that it was a can because he had seen that tactic when he was in the navy. Of course, I lied. I made up some BS story that it was a pain relieving bracelet. He dropped it cause he had no reason to think I would lie to him. In the moment, you don’t think about anything except preservation. Flash forward to now. I’ve gotten rid of it, freed. Except for one thing. I never did make it right with my buddy. I got a call 3 nights ago that he had a massive heart attack at work and died instantly. He was my age, 40. I’m left with a hole in me because he was such a great dude. Always laughing and giggling. Always looking for the best in people. But also cause I didn’t make it right with him. I never told him the truth. That’s something I have to live with. A choice I made. To my buddy...I am sorry. I can promise this one thing though. No more lies, no matter what happens. Good, bad or what. No more lies. It’s also been freeing to be honest with all of you. Never again will I go down that road. I lost a good friend. I’ve also gained a bunch of friends in here. Just want to say...for those you care about, make sure they know. We never know when our last moment will be. Secondly...live like it’s your last day, everyday. This has been a long post, I know. I needed this. To remind me of where I’ve been and what I’ve done, but also of where I’m headed.
Dawgs, My Brother.. First I am very Sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you are going though, but then again I know. I want you to know I am always here for you man. My Grandmother passed away in 2010, her last words to me was "I love you & Please Quit" She died because she smoked for many many years. She looked out for me and was worried about me. Well tonight sitting outside having a beer just trying to get over a stress full day at work and to celebrate 100 Days free, I looked up to heaven and told Grandma I have 100 Days down, and many more to go.
Your friend is looking down on you Smiling, he is Happy for you, and know you can always talk to him, clear the air with him as you talk to the wind, it will carry your words to him and he will forgive you, and he will always be with you Brother.
You have come a long way, you have stepped up, and while I can't talk for the other Mayhem Brothers or the guys in the other Quit groups, but you have helped me a ton in my quit and I appreciate you Brother. Keep up the great work and I will keep the beer cold for you.
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Day 87- 87 days since I last put that crap in my mouth. Overall, I feel pretty good. Sure, there are good days and bad days, but that’s life in general. It’s nice not to have to plan my movement out around dipping. I was always ninja/closet dipping. It is very isolating. You also tend to lie a lot. For me, it was not about getting caught, but rather being embarrassed by this addiction I had gotten in to. I was ashamed of it and wanted it all at the same time. I remember one night, a couple of years ago, very vividly. My wife and I had some friends over. A couple that was our age. They were very good friends with us. They had helped us through a very tough time in our marriage without judgment. They were rock solid friends. On this night, we were all just hanging out. As per usual, when I couldn’t be dipping, I would fall asleep in my recliner. My buddy wanted to try and scare me. He grabbed my ankle. Well, that’s where my can was, it n my sock. He didn’t say anything, at least not then. He emailed me later asking me what it was and that he was concerned that it was a can because he had seen that tactic when he was in the navy. Of course, I lied. I made up some BS story that it was a pain relieving bracelet. He dropped it cause he had no reason to think I would lie to him. In the moment, you don’t think about anything except preservation. Flash forward to now. I’ve gotten rid of it, freed. Except for one thing. I never did make it right with my buddy. I got a call 3 nights ago that he had a massive heart attack at work and died instantly. He was my age, 40. I’m left with a hole in me because he was such a great dude. Always laughing and giggling. Always looking for the best in people. But also cause I didn’t make it right with him. I never told him the truth. That’s something I have to live with. A choice I made. To my buddy...I am sorry. I can promise this one thing though. No more lies, no matter what happens. Good, bad or what. No more lies. It’s also been freeing to be honest with all of you. Never again will I go down that road. I lost a good friend. I’ve also gained a bunch of friends in here. Just want to say...for those you care about, make sure they know. We never know when our last moment will be. Secondly...live like it’s your last day, everyday. This has been a long post, I know. I needed this. To remind me of where I’ve been and what I’ve done, but also of where I’m headed.
I am pretty confidant he would have forgiven you if you would have had the chance to apologize. And I think he would have been proud of you for what you have accomplished over the last 88 days.
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Day 87- 87 days since I last put that crap in my mouth. Overall, I feel pretty good. Sure, there are good days and bad days, but that’s life in general. It’s nice not to have to plan my movement out around dipping. I was always ninja/closet dipping. It is very isolating. You also tend to lie a lot. For me, it was not about getting caught, but rather being embarrassed by this addiction I had gotten in to. I was ashamed of it and wanted it all at the same time. I remember one night, a couple of years ago, very vividly. My wife and I had some friends over. A couple that was our age. They were very good friends with us. They had helped us through a very tough time in our marriage without judgment. They were rock solid friends. On this night, we were all just hanging out. As per usual, when I couldn’t be dipping, I would fall asleep in my recliner. My buddy wanted to try and scare me. He grabbed my ankle. Well, that’s where my can was, it n my sock. He didn’t say anything, at least not then. He emailed me later asking me what it was and that he was concerned that it was a can because he had seen that tactic when he was in the navy. Of course, I lied. I made up some BS story that it was a pain relieving bracelet. He dropped it cause he had no reason to think I would lie to him. In the moment, you don’t think about anything except preservation. Flash forward to now. I’ve gotten rid of it, freed. Except for one thing. I never did make it right with my buddy. I got a call 3 nights ago that he had a massive heart attack at work and died instantly. He was my age, 40. I’m left with a hole in me because he was such a great dude. Always laughing and giggling. Always looking for the best in people. But also cause I didn’t make it right with him. I never told him the truth. That’s something I have to live with. A choice I made. To my buddy...I am sorry. I can promise this one thing though. No more lies, no matter what happens. Good, bad or what. No more lies. It’s also been freeing to be honest with all of you. Never again will I go down that road. I lost a good friend. I’ve also gained a bunch of friends in here. Just want to say...for those you care about, make sure they know. We never know when our last moment will be. Secondly...live like it’s your last day, everyday. This has been a long post, I know. I needed this. To remind me of where I’ve been and what I’ve done, but also of where I’m headed.
Dawgs,
Truly very sorry for your loss. You do not need to worry about making it right with him, he knew full well that it was a can of chew and the fact that when he confronted you with it and you lied to him about, he knew you were embarrassed. That is why he dropped it. He is now looking down on you and beaming from ear to ear with pride that you are free of nicotine and battling your addiction on daily basis with us. So do not worry about making it right with, it already is right and he has forgiven you.
Always proud to to quit with you and to call you my brother,
Chris
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Chris, Kybo and RickJr....thank you brothers. Those words help more than you know. My way of making it up to him is to stay quit(of course, first and foremost reason is always for me). It’s been 95 days since I last had any nicotine. When I think about that it blows my mind. I started messing with dip around age 12 and became a full time addict at age 17. I am now 40. I have now been 95 days without nicotine. I’ve been over a year without once before but I had no plan or support. As such, it didn’t last. This time though, there’s a plan, there’s tons of support. Sure...I still feel it. That nagging crave. That thought of getting some nicotine. But I have not felt this free that I can really remember. I was a closet dipper. So, there’s no looking over my shoulder. No lying. No worrying if I left something my wife might find and then her getting really pissed off at me. Don’t get me wrong...she still gets pissed off at me, but sure as hell not for dipping. Even on days I feel like I really want one, I feel better than I EVER did when I was dipping. I’ve had a ton of help from some really cool people. UncleRico, JustinJ, Bgdbrbrd(or what the hell ever...Brad), Chris2Alaska, Kdip, BugGuy, Hilltop...just to name a few. Of course...it goes without saying, but I will say it...my bros of Mayhem. Y’all are one kickass group. I am proud to be quit with each and every one of you. These are just some thoughts that have been on my mind. I needed to thank all of y’all for your help!!
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Day 157-I sit here on an airplane for close to 5 hours. I am realizing that i havent posted anything here in a long time, so i figure, i have plenty of time right now to do it!! So here it goes. 157 days ago i quit. 157 days later, i am still quit. That being said, this is still not easy. I struggle with so many things right now. My temper is number 1. Ive always had a temper. But i believe that nicotine helped keep it a little more in check. Ive taken it out on my family, friends and coworkers. We always say bring the rage in here. I havent. Ive been a real asshole to a lot of people. I know that it is still the addiction and chemical detox that is doing it all. I have to learn all over how to handle my emotions. There are times that i burn with anger, burn with hate towards people. And for really stupid reasons. The bottom line is that i have get over myself and move forward with my “new” life. Ive heard it said that from about 120-ish to around 200-ish can be like a perpetual week 1. There are days where i feel like i just quit. Foggy. Mad. Craving the biggest lip full of cancer you could imagine. Couple that with the stresses of buying a house and selling a house, work...you know, life...and it really closes in on you. The reality is though, that i have to man up. I have made a conscious decision to get this poision out of my life. To live a life that doesn’t include me leaning on a crutch to survive day to day. A life that i can use to help others get rid of this crap. Myself and AW are Conducting the July 2019 HoF right now. It is a touch stressful making sure everything looks good. But I wouldn’t give it up for ANYTHING. I am proud to stand with those guys as they hit 100 days. To see how far they have come and to maybe be able to pass just a touch of knowledge along to them. I am also proud to be still standing with my May brothers. They are the best damn group of guys out there. I also have the best freakin family out there. The best job. A life better than i could EVER deserve. Why do i say this??? Because i need to be reminded. Reminded that i need to stop being selfish and start truly paying it forward. Stop thinking only of myself and start thinking about others.
That’s really an interesting thought for me. Think about others....Ive been in healthcare for 20 years. Isn’t that enough thinking about others? Ive given up nights, weekends, birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, time with my family to try and save others. There is a substantial number of those that doesn’t survive, but i try all the same. Isn’t that thinking about others enough? My conclusion is no. While it is true that i love my job and i love helping other people in that manner, it is just that....my job. What’s really caring is being kind. Being patient. Being caring. This is what i must do. I have no doubt that i have done the right thing by quitting nic. I have no desire to get back in to it, even though my brain tells me i do. But i must change my thinking, my actions. How i treat others. I need to celebrate freedom. Celebrate the achievements. Thanks for listening to me ramble. Quit hard.
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Day 157-I sit here on an airplane for close to 5 hours. I am realizing that i havent posted anything here in a long time, so i figure, i have plenty of time right now to do it!! So here it goes. 157 days ago i quit. 157 days later, i am still quit. That being said, this is still not easy. I struggle with so many things right now. My temper is number 1. Ive always had a temper. But i believe that nicotine helped keep it a little more in check. Ive taken it out on my family, friends and coworkers. We always say bring the rage in here. I havent. Ive been a real asshole to a lot of people. I know that it is still the addiction and chemical detox that is doing it all. I have to learn all over how to handle my emotions. There are times that i burn with anger, burn with hate towards people. And for really stupid reasons. The bottom line is that i have get over myself and move forward with my “new” life. Ive heard it said that from about 120-ish to around 200-ish can be like a perpetual week 1. There are days where i feel like i just quit. Foggy. Mad. Craving the biggest lip full of cancer you could imagine. Couple that with the stresses of buying a house and selling a house, work...you know, life...and it really closes in on you. The reality is though, that i have to man up. I have made a conscious decision to get this poision out of my life. To live a life that doesn’t include me leaning on a crutch to survive day to day. A life that i can use to help others get rid of this crap. Myself and AW are Conducting the July 2019 HoF right now. It is a touch stressful making sure everything looks good. But I wouldn’t give it up for ANYTHING. I am proud to stand with those guys as they hit 100 days. To see how far they have come and to maybe be able to pass just a touch of knowledge along to them. I am also proud to be still standing with my May brothers. They are the best damn group of guys out there. I also have the best freakin family out there. The best job. A life better than i could EVER deserve. Why do i say this??? Because i need to be reminded. Reminded that i need to stop being selfish and start truly paying it forward. Stop thinking only of myself and start thinking about others.
That’s really an interesting thought for me. Think about others....Ive been in healthcare for 20 years. Isn’t that enough thinking about others? Ive given up nights, weekends, birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, time with my family to try and save others. There is a substantial number of those that doesn’t survive, but i try all the same. Isn’t that thinking about others enough? My conclusion is no. While it is true that i love my job and i love helping other people in that manner, it is just that....my job. What’s really caring is being kind. Being patient. Being caring. This is what i must do. I have no doubt that i have done the right thing by quitting nic. I have no desire to get back in to it, even though my brain tells me i do. But i must change my thinking, my actions. How i treat others. I need to celebrate freedom. Celebrate the achievements. Thanks for listening to me ramble. Quit hard.
Hey Dawgs,
Anytime you think you are going to blow up at a family member, you can give me a call and yell and cuss at me all you want, heck I might even yell and cuss back just for the fun of it. Then when you're done we can both laugh our asses off at how fucking dumb we just were.
Sound like a deal??
I like it.
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Day 157-I sit here on an airplane for close to 5 hours. I am realizing that i havent posted anything here in a long time, so i figure, i have plenty of time right now to do it!! So here it goes. 157 days ago i quit. 157 days later, i am still quit. That being said, this is still not easy. I struggle with so many things right now. My temper is number 1. Ive always had a temper. But i believe that nicotine helped keep it a little more in check. Ive taken it out on my family, friends and coworkers. We always say bring the rage in here. I havent. Ive been a real asshole to a lot of people. I know that it is still the addiction and chemical detox that is doing it all. I have to learn all over how to handle my emotions. There are times that i burn with anger, burn with hate towards people. And for really stupid reasons. The bottom line is that i have get over myself and move forward with my “new” life. Ive heard it said that from about 120-ish to around 200-ish can be like a perpetual week 1. There are days where i feel like i just quit. Foggy. Mad. Craving the biggest lip full of cancer you could imagine. Couple that with the stresses of buying a house and selling a house, work...you know, life...and it really closes in on you. The reality is though, that i have to man up. I have made a conscious decision to get this poision out of my life. To live a life that doesn’t include me leaning on a crutch to survive day to day. A life that i can use to help others get rid of this crap. Myself and AW are Conducting the July 2019 HoF right now. It is a touch stressful making sure everything looks good. But I wouldn’t give it up for ANYTHING. I am proud to stand with those guys as they hit 100 days. To see how far they have come and to maybe be able to pass just a touch of knowledge along to them. I am also proud to be still standing with my May brothers. They are the best damn group of guys out there. I also have the best freakin family out there. The best job. A life better than i could EVER deserve. Why do i say this??? Because i need to be reminded. Reminded that i need to stop being selfish and start truly paying it forward. Stop thinking only of myself and start thinking about others.
That’s really an interesting thought for me. Think about others....Ive been in healthcare for 20 years. Isn’t that enough thinking about others? Ive given up nights, weekends, birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, time with my family to try and save others. There is a substantial number of those that doesn’t survive, but i try all the same. Isn’t that thinking about others enough? My conclusion is no. While it is true that i love my job and i love helping other people in that manner, it is just that....my job. What’s really caring is being kind. Being patient. Being caring. This is what i must do. I have no doubt that i have done the right thing by quitting nic. I have no desire to get back in to it, even though my brain tells me i do. But i must change my thinking, my actions. How i treat others. I need to celebrate freedom. Celebrate the achievements. Thanks for listening to me ramble. Quit hard.
Hey Dawgs,
Anytime you think you are going to blow up at a family member, you can give me a call and yell and cuss at me all you want, heck I might even yell and cuss back just for the fun of it. Then when you're done we can both laugh our asses off at how fucking dumb we just were.
Sound like a deal??
I like it.
Chris...hell YES!!!!! DEAL
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Day 157-I sit here on an airplane for close to 5 hours. I am realizing that i havent posted anything here in a long time, so i figure, i have plenty of time right now to do it!! So here it goes. 157 days ago i quit. 157 days later, i am still quit. That being said, this is still not easy. I struggle with so many things right now. My temper is number 1. Ive always had a temper. But i believe that nicotine helped keep it a little more in check. Ive taken it out on my family, friends and coworkers. We always say bring the rage in here. I havent. Ive been a real asshole to a lot of people. I know that it is still the addiction and chemical detox that is doing it all. I have to learn all over how to handle my emotions. There are times that i burn with anger, burn with hate towards people. And for really stupid reasons. The bottom line is that i have get over myself and move forward with my “new” life. Ive heard it said that from about 120-ish to around 200-ish can be like a perpetual week 1. There are days where i feel like i just quit. Foggy. Mad. Craving the biggest lip full of cancer you could imagine. Couple that with the stresses of buying a house and selling a house, work...you know, life...and it really closes in on you. The reality is though, that i have to man up. I have made a conscious decision to get this poision out of my life. To live a life that doesn’t include me leaning on a crutch to survive day to day. A life that i can use to help others get rid of this crap. Myself and AW are Conducting the July 2019 HoF right now. It is a touch stressful making sure everything looks good. But I wouldn’t give it up for ANYTHING. I am proud to stand with those guys as they hit 100 days. To see how far they have come and to maybe be able to pass just a touch of knowledge along to them. I am also proud to be still standing with my May brothers. They are the best damn group of guys out there. I also have the best freakin family out there. The best job. A life better than i could EVER deserve. Why do i say this??? Because i need to be reminded. Reminded that i need to stop being selfish and start truly paying it forward. Stop thinking only of myself and start thinking about others.
That’s really an interesting thought for me. Think about others....Ive been in healthcare for 20 years. Isn’t that enough thinking about others? Ive given up nights, weekends, birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, time with my family to try and save others. There is a substantial number of those that doesn’t survive, but i try all the same. Isn’t that thinking about others enough? My conclusion is no. While it is true that i love my job and i love helping other people in that manner, it is just that....my job. What’s really caring is being kind. Being patient. Being caring. This is what i must do. I have no doubt that i have done the right thing by quitting nic. I have no desire to get back in to it, even though my brain tells me i do. But i must change my thinking, my actions. How i treat others. I need to celebrate freedom. Celebrate the achievements. Thanks for listening to me ramble. Quit hard.
Hey Dawgs,
Anytime you think you are going to blow up at a family member, you can give me a call and yell and cuss at me all you want, heck I might even yell and cuss back just for the fun of it. Then when you're done we can both laugh our asses off at how fucking dumb we just were.
Sound like a deal??
I like it.
Chris...hell YES!!!!! DEAL
Anyone of us. Hell, I'll hold CHRIS2ALASKA and you can beat him up!
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Day 157-I sit here on an airplane for close to 5 hours. I am realizing that i havent posted anything here in a long time, so i figure, i have plenty of time right now to do it!! So here it goes. 157 days ago i quit. 157 days later, i am still quit. That being said, this is still not easy. I struggle with so many things right now. My temper is number 1. Ive always had a temper. But i believe that nicotine helped keep it a little more in check. Ive taken it out on my family, friends and coworkers. We always say bring the rage in here. I havent. Ive been a real asshole to a lot of people. I know that it is still the addiction and chemical detox that is doing it all. I have to learn all over how to handle my emotions. There are times that i burn with anger, burn with hate towards people. And for really stupid reasons. The bottom line is that i have get over myself and move forward with my “new” life. Ive heard it said that from about 120-ish to around 200-ish can be like a perpetual week 1. There are days where i feel like i just quit. Foggy. Mad. Craving the biggest lip full of cancer you could imagine. Couple that with the stresses of buying a house and selling a house, work...you know, life...and it really closes in on you. The reality is though, that i have to man up. I have made a conscious decision to get this poision out of my life. To live a life that doesn’t include me leaning on a crutch to survive day to day. A life that i can use to help others get rid of this crap. Myself and AW are Conducting the July 2019 HoF right now. It is a touch stressful making sure everything looks good. But I wouldn’t give it up for ANYTHING. I am proud to stand with those guys as they hit 100 days. To see how far they have come and to maybe be able to pass just a touch of knowledge along to them. I am also proud to be still standing with my May brothers. They are the best damn group of guys out there. I also have the best freakin family out there. The best job. A life better than i could EVER deserve. Why do i say this??? Because i need to be reminded. Reminded that i need to stop being selfish and start truly paying it forward. Stop thinking only of myself and start thinking about others.
That’s really an interesting thought for me. Think about others....Ive been in healthcare for 20 years. Isn’t that enough thinking about others? Ive given up nights, weekends, birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, time with my family to try and save others. There is a substantial number of those that doesn’t survive, but i try all the same. Isn’t that thinking about others enough? My conclusion is no. While it is true that i love my job and i love helping other people in that manner, it is just that....my job. What’s really caring is being kind. Being patient. Being caring. This is what i must do. I have no doubt that i have done the right thing by quitting nic. I have no desire to get back in to it, even though my brain tells me i do. But i must change my thinking, my actions. How i treat others. I need to celebrate freedom. Celebrate the achievements. Thanks for listening to me ramble. Quit hard.
Hey Dawgs,
Anytime you think you are going to blow up at a family member, you can give me a call and yell and cuss at me all you want, heck I might even yell and cuss back just for the fun of it. Then when you're done we can both laugh our asses off at how fucking dumb we just were.
Sound like a deal??
I like it.
Chris...hell YES!!!!! DEAL
Anyone of us. Hell, I'll hold CHRIS2ALASKA and you can beat him up!
That was one of the best things I think I'll read today, Dawgs. Thanks for posting it.
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Its been a while since I posted anything here. I posted the following in my May19 quit group, but thought I’d lost it here as well.............
Just wanted to share a couple of things here. It’s been pretty quiet in here. We really need to step things up. We need to shake things up. In here AND in other groups. I think a lot of you guys do a pretty good job with posting in other groups. Let’s really start digging in and kicking others in the ass and help them be successful.
Earlier this week, I was feeling it really bad. I seriously wanted some nicotine flowing through my veins. I wanted to feel that rush of adrenaline released throughout my whole body. I was being a real ass as well. To my family especially. I just wanted to beat the hell out of something. ANYTHING!!! I got @Allpuck (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1620) on the phone and we talked for about 30 or 40 minutes. He just let me be very open and honest with him and just throw a fit. At the end of it...I felt so much better. Just talking it out and then the craving was gone. I’ve also done that with @Justin J (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=277) , @UncleRico (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=208) , @Mlovell336 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1201) @Bug Guy (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1866) and others as well. See....that’s why this site works. Guys on here, no matter what, will let you just bitch and not make a damn bit of sense. Just to get you through the craving. At the end, you move forward and leave that damn nicotine in the dust. My group along with many a vet has helped me along the way.
That’s why I encourage my group, along with other groups to start really shaking shit up around here. There are a lot of people here going through hell right now. We are all the same. We are all addicts and we all have problems. That’s how we can all relate to one another AND help one another. Thank you to all those who have had my back.
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Just got done under the house running a new water line after re-doing the floor in the kitchen. Could not for the life of me to get that #@$% 1/4" line to the ice maker to stop leaking. What is it with these ferrels?! I could no kidding go for a lipper. If I weren't still posting roll I'd be knuckles keep into a can ever trip under the house. I HATE being under the house! I didn't have to worry about rats or snakes or spiders on that stanky submarine. I'd much rather be back breathing recycled farts again than go back under the house. Gives me the heebie jeebies even thinking about it. At any rate another day of freedom earned and I'll be happy tomorrow that I didn't cave today!
@Athan (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=258) ....I know this is a post you put up a while back, but I reading through a lot of them today. This one hit me. I did that exact same thing yesterday. I just bought a really nice, but older home on a crawl space. I’ve been having a sewer like smell from my daughters bathroom. Only from there and no where else. I’ve ruled out everything else and was putting off going down there. I spent a couple of days working myself up to do it. I bought a chemical like suite, extra flashlights, breathing masks....the whole 9 yards. Looked pretty rediculous actually. But I got under there....waaaayyy under there. I was terrified. That would have been, this time last year, when I would have packed in a half a can. Just to get the perceived courage from it. Luckily, there was nothing apparently wrong with the plumbing and all I saw was one mouse running around. That didn’t bother me, it was more the thought of what could be in there. But....all of that to say....I did it and I did it nicotine free. That was a huge win for me. Thanks for sharing yours too. It helps.
Huge win is right! had enough of the false courage in a can, way to suit up and face it like a real man! Ain't nothing like victory. Like freedom, it has no equal and no substitute! Hooah!
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Jeesh—-just realized it’s been a while since I posted anything in my intro. Maybe now is the time for a quick reflection. It’s Christmas Eve, 0515, and I’m wide awake. Yes, partially because I have to go to work for a while today, but the last few weeks have been getting harder and harder to sleep. I posted day 323 today. I thought by now things would be all in the past. Truth is, I feel worse now than I did weeks 1, 2 or 3. For some reason, depression, anger and hatred for many things have been showing their ugly heads lately. Very little patients with my family. Walking a fine line at work. Really just disengaged from everything, including here. I know it’s probably just a stage to go through, but damn....why? Almost a year quit and it feels not so great. I don’t regret quitting. I have NO intentions of caving. I certainly don’t want to let anyone down, especially myself. I know deep down things will get better. I just have to hold tight and lean on everyone here to help me out. Slow and steady wins the race. Sometimes slow and steady just sucks I guess. Not really sure where I’m going with this, but I’ll just end it here with a big thank you to my brothers in May19 along with @Justin J (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=277) and a couple others from May17 for riding my ass and not letting go. Merry Christmas Eve and here’s to better times ahead.
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Jeesh—-just realized it’s been a while since I posted anything in my intro. Maybe now is the time for a quick reflection. It’s Christmas Eve, 0515, and I’m wide awake. Yes, partially because I have to go to work for a while today, but the last few weeks have been getting harder and harder to sleep. I posted day 323 today. I thought by now things would be all in the past. Truth is, I feel worse now than I did weeks 1, 2 or 3. For some reason, depression, anger and hatred for many things have been showing their ugly heads lately. Very little patients with my family. Walking a fine line at work. Really just disengaged from everything, including here. I know it’s probably just a stage to go through, but damn....why? Almost a year quit and it feels not so great. I don’t regret quitting. I have NO intentions of caving. I certainly don’t want to let anyone down, especially myself. I know deep down things will get better. I just have to hold tight and lean on everyone here to help me out. Slow and steady wins the race. Sometimes slow and steady just sucks I guess. Not really sure where I’m going with this, but I’ll just end it here with a big thank you to my brothers in May19 along with @Justin J (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=277) and a couple others from May17 for riding my ass and not letting go. Merry Christmas Eve and here’s to better times ahead.
My personal experience has been that I get some mild cravings and irritability if I each too much sugar. I can eat just a few pieces of candy and I suddenly start thinking about how nice it would be to have a chew. Then I get what feels like a withdrawal headache that can last for a couple of hours. I was worried that I might be diabetic, but the doc checked me out and said I was perfectly fine. Sugary foods and drinks are the only things that seem to affect me like that. If I can stay away from sweets for a couple of days I feel just fine again. It is weird to think that I have been quit for almost two years and something as simple as a Snickers bar can make me feel like I am on Day 2 again. So, I just try to avoid any and all sugary treats now. It works for me and I honestly don't miss them much. Stay strong, my friend.
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Man-what a start to the year. Yesterday, we buried my wife’s grandfather. He was pretty good dude. Loved to hunt and fish. I’ll miss that guy. This morning, my wife and I went to the home of a older gentleman who both my wife and I have looked up to for a long time. He is a very good man. Very kind, the kind of man you want to look up to. We went to his home to tell him good bye. He had cancer that we thought was under control, but it quickly, 2 weeks ago, exploded and metastasized to most of his body. We were able to have a bit of time to sit with him, hold his hand and thank him for the example he has left us with. As if I ever needed another reason to not pick up nicotine again, this was a man who never smoked, never chewed, never even drank. He lived a very clean life. I’ve been in healthcare for 20 years, I know cancer can strike anyone, regardless of lifestyle. It makes wonder though, why, after 25 years of putting poison in me, am I, at least to this point, totally unscathed. I don’t know. But as I said, not that I needed another reason...but there it is. If I took a dip...how selfish would that be? That would completely NOT honor my friend and example. I just needed to get this off my brain. But also remind us all that life is short. We have to enjoy our families and friends and NOT let some freakin stupid plant or chemical control our lives. Thanks for “listening”.
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Man-what a start to the year. Yesterday, we buried my wife’s grandfather. He was pretty good dude. Loved to hunt and fish. I’ll miss that guy. This morning, my wife and I went to the home of a older gentleman who both my wife and I have looked up to for a long time. He is a very good man. Very kind, the kind of man you want to look up to. We went to his home to tell him good bye. He had cancer that we thought was under control, but it quickly, 2 weeks ago, exploded and metastasized to most of his body. We were able to have a bit of time to sit with him, hold his hand and thank him for the example he has left us with. As if I ever needed another reason to not pick up nicotine again, this was a man who never smoked, never chewed, never even drank. He lived a very clean life. I’ve been in healthcare for 20 years, I know cancer can strike anyone, regardless of lifestyle. It makes wonder though, why, after 25 years of putting poison in me, am I, at least to this point, totally unscathed. I don’t know. But as I said, not that I needed another reason...but there it is. If I took a dip...how selfish would that be? That would completely NOT honor my friend and example. I just needed to get this off my brain. But also remind us all that life is short. We have to enjoy our families and friends and NOT let some freakin stupid plant or chemical control our lives. Thanks for “listening”.
Thanks for sharing Nathan. Sorry to hear about the tragic news you have dealt with in such a short amount of time. But you are absolutely correct. Nicotine will never help in ANY situation. So there's no reason to even ponder it. Living in the past is a waste of time amd thinking of the future is pointless. If we take every aspect of our life and hold it to the ODAAT model, we live a much more fruitful life. Enjoy the now, for tomorrow is never promised. Love ya bro and proud to be quit with you.... even if you are a sec douche lol
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Man-what a start to the year. Yesterday, we buried my wife’s grandfather. He was pretty good dude. Loved to hunt and fish. I’ll miss that guy. This morning, my wife and I went to the home of a older gentleman who both my wife and I have looked up to for a long time. He is a very good man. Very kind, the kind of man you want to look up to. We went to his home to tell him good bye. He had cancer that we thought was under control, but it quickly, 2 weeks ago, exploded and metastasized to most of his body. We were able to have a bit of time to sit with him, hold his hand and thank him for the example he has left us with. As if I ever needed another reason to not pick up nicotine again, this was a man who never smoked, never chewed, never even drank. He lived a very clean life. I’ve been in healthcare for 20 years, I know cancer can strike anyone, regardless of lifestyle. It makes wonder though, why, after 25 years of putting poison in me, am I, at least to this point, totally unscathed. I don’t know. But as I said, not that I needed another reason...but there it is. If I took a dip...how selfish would that be? That would completely NOT honor my friend and example. I just needed to get this off my brain. But also remind us all that life is short. We have to enjoy our families and friends and NOT let some freakin stupid plant or chemical control our lives. Thanks for “listening”.
Thanks for sharing Nathan. Sorry to hear about the tragic news you have dealt with in such a short amount of time. But you are absolutely correct. Nicotine will never help in ANY situation. So there's no reason to even ponder it. Living in the past is a waste of time amd thinking of the future is pointless. If we take every aspect of our life and hold it to the ODAAT model, we live a much more fruitful life. Enjoy the now, for tomorrow is never promised. Love ya bro and proud to be quit with you.... even if you are a sec douche lol
Powerful testimony Dawgs, thanks for sharing that. Every day, every life is a gift. It is horrible indeed to squander it. Having gone through the quit, I hope he all learn to cherish not just life but a free life even more so. Thanks again.
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Jeezzz-400 days nicotine free. That’s something I never thought possible. I look back over the past 400 days and realize that each day has been a battle unto itself. The mantra....One Day At A Time. ODAAT. I am an impatient guy. I want it now. The truth is though, to be quit is only ever gonna be a ODAAT thing. Maybe that’s what led me here. To not just be quit, but to learn that in life, the things that are best for us usually take time. We’ve all heard the saying “The best things come to those who wait”. I always thought that was a load of crap. Maybe I’m the one who was full of crap. As an addict, by nature, we only think of ourselves. Our next fix. My mind is definitely an addict mind. I have an addictive personality. That’s something I will always have to keep close tabs on. But, I gotta tell ya, being nicotine free, next to having my girls, is the best feeling I’ve ever had. Even on the suck days, the suck is better than the nicotine EVER was. I’d love to sit here and say it’s been 400 days and I will get 400 more, but we all know that we can only go ODAAT. I think that’s part of the healing process though. Many people get impatient and stop quitting. But I have found that each time I make it through a situation that I would have normally dipped, it’s a new piece of wiring placed in my brain that doesn’t involve nicotine. I had to see that when we quit, we have to learn how to exist all over again. Once I accepted that, it hasn’t been all roses, but it has been a lot more bearable. There are several folks that have been instrumental to my quit that I want to recognize. @Bgbdbrd (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=724) @Justin J (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=277) @UncleRico (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=208) @Mlovell336 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1201) @Vfman (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=14529) @MikeW2018 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=754) @Bug Guy (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1866) @Hilltop (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1713) @Allpuck (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1620) @Keith0617 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1356). You guys have helped me more than you’ll ever know along the way. I am grateful and thankful for each of you. From listening to me bitch to kicking me in the ass, you’ve been there the whole way. Thank you. I’ve typed long enough, but I wanted to give thanks to these guys that have helped me and to give a little reflection of 400 days of no nicotine.
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Jeezzz-400 days nicotine free. That’s something I never thought possible. I look back over the past 400 days and realize that each day has been a battle unto itself. The mantra....One Day At A Time. ODAAT. I am an impatient guy. I want it now. The truth is though, to be quit is only ever gonna be a ODAAT thing. Maybe that’s what led me here. To not just be quit, but to learn that in life, the things that are best for us usually take time. We’ve all heard the saying “The best things come to those who wait”. I always thought that was a load of crap. Maybe I’m the one who was full of crap. As an addict, by nature, we only think of ourselves. Our next fix. My mind is definitely an addict mind. I have an addictive personality. That’s something I will always have to keep close tabs on. But, I gotta tell ya, being nicotine free, next to having my girls, is the best feeling I’ve ever had. Even on the suck days, the suck is better than the nicotine EVER was. I’d love to sit here and say it’s been 400 days and I will get 400 more, but we all know that we can only go ODAAT. I think that’s part of the healing process though. Many people get impatient and stop quitting. But I have found that each time I make it through a situation that I would have normally dipped, it’s a new piece of wiring placed in my brain that doesn’t involve nicotine. I had to see that when we quit, we have to learn how to exist all over again. Once I accepted that, it hasn’t been all roses, but it has been a lot more bearable. There are several folks that have been instrumental to my quit that I want to recognize. @Bgbdbrd (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=724) @Justin J (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=277) @UncleRico (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=208) @Mlovell336 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1201) @Vfman (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=14529) @MikeW2018 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=754) @Bug Guy (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1866) @Hilltop (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1713) @Allpuck (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1620) @Keith0617 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1356). You guys have helped me more than you’ll ever know along the way. I am grateful and thankful for each of you. From listening to me bitch to kicking me in the ass, you’ve been there the whole way. Thank you. I’ve typed long enough, but I wanted to give thanks to these guys that have helped me and to give a little reflection of 400 days of no nicotine.
You can always type as much as you want or need @Dawgs (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2001) . Your take on addict thinking and behavior is spot on and now we have a daily reprieve if we maintain it. Thanks for the perspective and Quit insight this AM.... proud to be quit with ya.
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Jeezzz-400 days nicotine free. That’s something I never thought possible. I look back over the past 400 days and realize that each day has been a battle unto itself. The mantra....One Day At A Time. ODAAT. I am an impatient guy. I want it now. The truth is though, to be quit is only ever gonna be a ODAAT thing. Maybe that’s what led me here. To not just be quit, but to learn that in life, the things that are best for us usually take time. We’ve all heard the saying “The best things come to those who wait”. I always thought that was a load of crap. Maybe I’m the one who was full of crap. As an addict, by nature, we only think of ourselves. Our next fix. My mind is definitely an addict mind. I have an addictive personality. That’s something I will always have to keep close tabs on. But, I gotta tell ya, being nicotine free, next to having my girls, is the best feeling I’ve ever had. Even on the suck days, the suck is better than the nicotine EVER was. I’d love to sit here and say it’s been 400 days and I will get 400 more, but we all know that we can only go ODAAT. I think that’s part of the healing process though. Many people get impatient and stop quitting. But I have found that each time I make it through a situation that I would have normally dipped, it’s a new piece of wiring placed in my brain that doesn’t involve nicotine. I had to see that when we quit, we have to learn how to exist all over again. Once I accepted that, it hasn’t been all roses, but it has been a lot more bearable. There are several folks that have been instrumental to my quit that I want to recognize. @Bgbdbrd (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=724) @Justin J (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=277) @UncleRico (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=208) @Mlovell336 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1201) @Vfman (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=14529) @MikeW2018 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=754) @Bug Guy (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1866) @Hilltop (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1713) @Allpuck (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1620) @Keith0617 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1356). You guys have helped me more than you’ll ever know along the way. I am grateful and thankful for each of you. From listening to me bitch to kicking me in the ass, you’ve been there the whole way. Thank you. I’ve typed long enough, but I wanted to give thanks to these guys that have helped me and to give a little reflection of 400 days of no nicotine.
You can always type as much as you want or need @Dawgs (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2001) . Your take on addict thinking and behavior is spot on and now we have a daily reprieve if we maintain it. Thanks for the perspective and Quit insight this AM.... proud to be quit with ya.
Keep doing you @Dawgs (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2001) . Proud to quit with you and have you in my circle.
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Jeezzz-400 days nicotine free. That’s something I never thought possible. I look back over the past 400 days and realize that each day has been a battle unto itself. The mantra....One Day At A Time. ODAAT. I am an impatient guy. I want it now. The truth is though, to be quit is only ever gonna be a ODAAT thing. Maybe that’s what led me here. To not just be quit, but to learn that in life, the things that are best for us usually take time. We’ve all heard the saying “The best things come to those who wait”. I always thought that was a load of crap. Maybe I’m the one who was full of crap. As an addict, by nature, we only think of ourselves. Our next fix. My mind is definitely an addict mind. I have an addictive personality. That’s something I will always have to keep close tabs on. But, I gotta tell ya, being nicotine free, next to having my girls, is the best feeling I’ve ever had. Even on the suck days, the suck is better than the nicotine EVER was. I’d love to sit here and say it’s been 400 days and I will get 400 more, but we all know that we can only go ODAAT. I think that’s part of the healing process though. Many people get impatient and stop quitting. But I have found that each time I make it through a situation that I would have normally dipped, it’s a new piece of wiring placed in my brain that doesn’t involve nicotine. I had to see that when we quit, we have to learn how to exist all over again. Once I accepted that, it hasn’t been all roses, but it has been a lot more bearable. There are several folks that have been instrumental to my quit that I want to recognize. @Bgbdbrd (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=724) @Justin J (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=277) @UncleRico (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=208) @Mlovell336 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1201) @Vfman (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=14529) @MikeW2018 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=754) @Bug Guy (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1866) @Hilltop (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1713) @Allpuck (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1620) @Keith0617 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1356). You guys have helped me more than you’ll ever know along the way. I am grateful and thankful for each of you. From listening to me bitch to kicking me in the ass, you’ve been there the whole way. Thank you. I’ve typed long enough, but I wanted to give thanks to these guys that have helped me and to give a little reflection of 400 days of no nicotine.
You can always type as much as you want or need @Dawgs (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2001) . Your take on addict thinking and behavior is spot on and now we have a daily reprieve if we maintain it. Thanks for the perspective and Quit insight this AM.... proud to be quit with ya.
Keep doing you @Dawgs (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2001) . Proud to quit with you and have you in my circle.
Nathan, as always, you're my dawg. Congrats on reaching 400. Hard to think we've made it this far. Be proud brother, you are kicking nic's ass daily and helping others do so as well. Thank you for all of your support along the way, you've helped my quit just as much.
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Jeezzz-400 days nicotine free. That’s something I never thought possible. I look back over the past 400 days and realize that each day has been a battle unto itself. The mantra....One Day At A Time. ODAAT. I am an impatient guy. I want it now. The truth is though, to be quit is only ever gonna be a ODAAT thing. Maybe that’s what led me here. To not just be quit, but to learn that in life, the things that are best for us usually take time. We’ve all heard the saying “The best things come to those who wait”. I always thought that was a load of crap. Maybe I’m the one who was full of crap. As an addict, by nature, we only think of ourselves. Our next fix. My mind is definitely an addict mind. I have an addictive personality. That’s something I will always have to keep close tabs on. But, I gotta tell ya, being nicotine free, next to having my girls, is the best feeling I’ve ever had. Even on the suck days, the suck is better than the nicotine EVER was. I’d love to sit here and say it’s been 400 days and I will get 400 more, but we all know that we can only go ODAAT. I think that’s part of the healing process though. Many people get impatient and stop quitting. But I have found that each time I make it through a situation that I would have normally dipped, it’s a new piece of wiring placed in my brain that doesn’t involve nicotine. I had to see that when we quit, we have to learn how to exist all over again. Once I accepted that, it hasn’t been all roses, but it has been a lot more bearable. There are several folks that have been instrumental to my quit that I want to recognize. @Bgbdbrd (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=724) @Justin J (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=277) @UncleRico (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=208) @Mlovell336 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1201) @Vfman (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=14529) @MikeW2018 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=754) @Bug Guy (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1866) @Hilltop (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1713) @Allpuck (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1620) @Keith0617 (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=1356). You guys have helped me more than you’ll ever know along the way. I am grateful and thankful for each of you. From listening to me bitch to kicking me in the ass, you’ve been there the whole way. Thank you. I’ve typed long enough, but I wanted to give thanks to these guys that have helped me and to give a little reflection of 400 days of no nicotine.
Dawgs, as a newbie who is setting out on this journey at 12 days quit you inspire me.
What an amazing post - love your insight! Congratulations on 400 days of freedom. :)
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It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. Last time I posted on Introductions I was around 400 days. Today I posted 773. A lot has happened in that time. A pandemic. Some really bad winter storms. Life in general. But I want to share something tonight. My dad was smoking 5 packs/day when I was 6 years old. Chain smoking from the time he woke up til he went to sleep. When I was 6, he had a mini stroke. It scared the crap out of him. He told me later on that he prayed that if God would let him survive it, he would never smoke again. Well, God did spare him and my dad honored his oath to quit. Cold turkey, in the hospital. He never picked up another cigarette again. About 10 years later, I started dipping. My dad didn’t like it, at all. He made it clear that it wasn’t acceptable in his house, so began the sneaking. Of course, my dad didn’t want me to go down the same road he did. Once I graduated high school and moved out, there wasn’t anything he could do about it any more. He would still tell me he wished I would quit. Of course at 19, I knew everything. He was always worried about my health even though he wasn’t the kind of person to hound you about something. I remember after joining KTC, I told him I quit. For good. He told me he was so proud of me. Now, I always knew my dad loved me. It was never a question. But my dad wasn’t the type to just hand out things like that. It really made me feel good to hear that from him. Every once in a while, my dad would ask me what my day count was. He was so supportive and and remains very proud. Of course, I never quit for him or anyone else but myself, but it still helps fuels my resolve. Unfortunately, my dad will not be able to ask me my day count anymore. He had a massive heart attack early Tuesday morning and died. He was a good man. He was the man that I think most of us want to be. A good husband for 53 years to my mom. A good father who taught me that being a real man was more important than money, status or anything else. He taught me the importance of hard work, honesty, integrity and always keeping your word. He taught me there is nothing more important than faith, family and friends. I’m sitting at my parents house right now. In his chair. I can feel him all around me and it hurts that he isn’t here. Saturday, we will bury him. But he is still all around. I can hear his voice. I can envision him walking around this house. I can picture him sound asleep in the very chair that I sit in. The up side is that when he died, he knew that I loved him. Those were the last words I said to him about an hour before he died. He also knew that I was still quit. As I said, I didn’t quit for anyone but me. But knowing the pride he took in that, it helps give me resolve to stay that way. I am honored to have known a man of his stature. Even more so, blessed to have had that man as my father. I was close to my dad and I am proud of everything he did. He was taken from this earth, but when he was I was able to say, “Dad, I’m still quit.” Thank you for allowing me to spill my guts. Please make sure that those you love and care about know it. Swallow pride and put differences aside. You just don’t know when that last conversation will truly be the last. Please don’t end up having regrets that you wished you had said something when you had the chance. This post is in honor of my dad. My quit is my own. But it doesn’t mean that it can’t honor my dad as a secondary.
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It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. Last time I posted on Introductions I was around 400 days. Today I posted 773. A lot has happened in that time. A pandemic. Some really bad winter storms. Life in general. But I want to share something tonight. My dad was smoking 5 packs/day when I was 6 years old. Chain smoking from the time he woke up til he went to sleep. When I was 6, he had a mini stroke. It scared the crap out of him. He told me later on that he prayed that if God would let him survive it, he would never smoke again. Well, God did spare him and my dad honored his oath to quit. Cold turkey, in the hospital. He never picked up another cigarette again. About 10 years later, I started dipping. My dad didn’t like it, at all. He made it clear that it wasn’t acceptable in his house, so began the sneaking. Of course, my dad didn’t want me to go down the same road he did. Once I graduated high school and moved out, there wasn’t anything he could do about it any more. He would still tell me he wished I would quit. Of course at 19, I knew everything. He was always worried about my health even though he wasn’t the kind of person to hound you about something. I remember after joining KTC, I told him I quit. For good. He told me he was so proud of me. Now, I always knew my dad loved me. It was never a question. But my dad wasn’t the type to just hand out things like that. It really made me feel good to hear that from him. Every once in a while, my dad would ask me what my day count was. He was so supportive and and remains very proud. Of course, I never quit for him or anyone else but myself, but it still helps fuels my resolve. Unfortunately, my dad will not be able to ask me my day count anymore. He had a massive heart attack early Tuesday morning and died. He was a good man. He was the man that I think most of us want to be. A good husband for 53 years to my mom. A good father who taught me that being a real man was more important than money, status or anything else. He taught me the importance of hard work, honesty, integrity and always keeping your word. He taught me there is nothing more important than faith, family and friends. I’m sitting at my parents house right now. In his chair. I can feel him all around me and it hurts that he isn’t here. Saturday, we will bury him. But he is still all around. I can hear his voice. I can envision him walking around this house. I can picture him sound asleep in the very chair that I sit in. The up side is that when he died, he knew that I loved him. Those were the last words I said to him about an hour before he died. He also knew that I was still quit. As I said, I didn’t quit for anyone but me. But knowing the pride he took in that, it helps give me resolve to stay that way. I am honored to have known a man of his stature. Even more so, blessed to have had that man as my father. I was close to my dad and I am proud of everything he did. He was taken from this earth, but when he was I was able to say, “Dad, I’m still quit.” Thank you for allowing me to spill my guts. Please make sure that those you love and care about know it. Swallow pride and put differences aside. You just don’t know when that last conversation will truly be the last. Please don’t end up having regrets that you wished you had said something when you had the chance. This post is in honor of my dad. My quit is my own. But it doesn’t mean that it can’t honor my dad as a secondary.
I am sending my prayers to you and yours Dawg, just hearing you talk about your dad and your quit strengthens mine. if you need anything please PM me. Lifes Circle is scary and beautiful all in the same instance and you got yourself one lucky star my friend. God Bless and easy the pain of such a hard loss.
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It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. Last time I posted on Introductions I was around 400 days. Today I posted 773. A lot has happened in that time. A pandemic. Some really bad winter storms. Life in general. But I want to share something tonight. My dad was smoking 5 packs/day when I was 6 years old. Chain smoking from the time he woke up til he went to sleep. When I was 6, he had a mini stroke. It scared the crap out of him. He told me later on that he prayed that if God would let him survive it, he would never smoke again. Well, God did spare him and my dad honored his oath to quit. Cold turkey, in the hospital. He never picked up another cigarette again. About 10 years later, I started dipping. My dad didn’t like it, at all. He made it clear that it wasn’t acceptable in his house, so began the sneaking. Of course, my dad didn’t want me to go down the same road he did. Once I graduated high school and moved out, there wasn’t anything he could do about it any more. He would still tell me he wished I would quit. Of course at 19, I knew everything. He was always worried about my health even though he wasn’t the kind of person to hound you about something. I remember after joining KTC, I told him I quit. For good. He told me he was so proud of me. Now, I always knew my dad loved me. It was never a question. But my dad wasn’t the type to just hand out things like that. It really made me feel good to hear that from him. Every once in a while, my dad would ask me what my day count was. He was so supportive and and remains very proud. Of course, I never quit for him or anyone else but myself, but it still helps fuels my resolve. Unfortunately, my dad will not be able to ask me my day count anymore. He had a massive heart attack early Tuesday morning and died. He was a good man. He was the man that I think most of us want to be. A good husband for 53 years to my mom. A good father who taught me that being a real man was more important than money, status or anything else. He taught me the importance of hard work, honesty, integrity and always keeping your word. He taught me there is nothing more important than faith, family and friends. I’m sitting at my parents house right now. In his chair. I can feel him all around me and it hurts that he isn’t here. Saturday, we will bury him. But he is still all around. I can hear his voice. I can envision him walking around this house. I can picture him sound asleep in the very chair that I sit in. The up side is that when he died, he knew that I loved him. Those were the last words I said to him about an hour before he died. He also knew that I was still quit. As I said, I didn’t quit for anyone but me. But knowing the pride he took in that, it helps give me resolve to stay that way. I am honored to have known a man of his stature. Even more so, blessed to have had that man as my father. I was close to my dad and I am proud of everything he did. He was taken from this earth, but when he was I was able to say, “Dad, I’m still quit.” Thank you for allowing me to spill my guts. Please make sure that those you love and care about know it. Swallow pride and put differences aside. You just don’t know when that last conversation will truly be the last. Please don’t end up having regrets that you wished you had said something when you had the chance. This post is in honor of my dad. My quit is my own. But it doesn’t mean that it can’t honor my dad as a secondary.
@Dawgs (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2001), lifting prayers for you and your family, my brother. Your father lives on in you each and every day, and we all know you will continue to make him proud. God bless you, my friend.
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It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. Last time I posted on Introductions I was around 400 days. Today I posted 773. A lot has happened in that time. A pandemic. Some really bad winter storms. Life in general. But I want to share something tonight. My dad was smoking 5 packs/day when I was 6 years old. Chain smoking from the time he woke up til he went to sleep. When I was 6, he had a mini stroke. It scared the crap out of him. He told me later on that he prayed that if God would let him survive it, he would never smoke again. Well, God did spare him and my dad honored his oath to quit. Cold turkey, in the hospital. He never picked up another cigarette again. About 10 years later, I started dipping. My dad didn’t like it, at all. He made it clear that it wasn’t acceptable in his house, so began the sneaking. Of course, my dad didn’t want me to go down the same road he did. Once I graduated high school and moved out, there wasn’t anything he could do about it any more. He would still tell me he wished I would quit. Of course at 19, I knew everything. He was always worried about my health even though he wasn’t the kind of person to hound you about something. I remember after joining KTC, I told him I quit. For good. He told me he was so proud of me. Now, I always knew my dad loved me. It was never a question. But my dad wasn’t the type to just hand out things like that. It really made me feel good to hear that from him. Every once in a while, my dad would ask me what my day count was. He was so supportive and and remains very proud. Of course, I never quit for him or anyone else but myself, but it still helps fuels my resolve. Unfortunately, my dad will not be able to ask me my day count anymore. He had a massive heart attack early Tuesday morning and died. He was a good man. He was the man that I think most of us want to be. A good husband for 53 years to my mom. A good father who taught me that being a real man was more important than money, status or anything else. He taught me the importance of hard work, honesty, integrity and always keeping your word. He taught me there is nothing more important than faith, family and friends. I’m sitting at my parents house right now. In his chair. I can feel him all around me and it hurts that he isn’t here. Saturday, we will bury him. But he is still all around. I can hear his voice. I can envision him walking around this house. I can picture him sound asleep in the very chair that I sit in. The up side is that when he died, he knew that I loved him. Those were the last words I said to him about an hour before he died. He also knew that I was still quit. As I said, I didn’t quit for anyone but me. But knowing the pride he took in that, it helps give me resolve to stay that way. I am honored to have known a man of his stature. Even more so, blessed to have had that man as my father. I was close to my dad and I am proud of everything he did. He was taken from this earth, but when he was I was able to say, “Dad, I’m still quit.” Thank you for allowing me to spill my guts. Please make sure that those you love and care about know it. Swallow pride and put differences aside. You just don’t know when that last conversation will truly be the last. Please don’t end up having regrets that you wished you had said something when you had the chance. This post is in honor of my dad. My quit is my own. But it doesn’t mean that it can’t honor my dad as a secondary.
I will be lifting you up in prayer Dawgs! I can relate with the difficulty of your loss.
A few things really stand out to me as I read your story honoring your dad.
One, your dad sounds like an amazing man.
Two, your dad raised and amazing man.
Proud to be quit with you Dawgs.
Sorry for your loss brother.
-Jeff
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It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. Last time I posted on Introductions I was around 400 days. Today I posted 773. A lot has happened in that time. A pandemic. Some really bad winter storms. Life in general. But I want to share something tonight. My dad was smoking 5 packs/day when I was 6 years old. Chain smoking from the time he woke up til he went to sleep. When I was 6, he had a mini stroke. It scared the crap out of him. He told me later on that he prayed that if God would let him survive it, he would never smoke again. Well, God did spare him and my dad honored his oath to quit. Cold turkey, in the hospital. He never picked up another cigarette again. About 10 years later, I started dipping. My dad didn’t like it, at all. He made it clear that it wasn’t acceptable in his house, so began the sneaking. Of course, my dad didn’t want me to go down the same road he did. Once I graduated high school and moved out, there wasn’t anything he could do about it any more. He would still tell me he wished I would quit. Of course at 19, I knew everything. He was always worried about my health even though he wasn’t the kind of person to hound you about something. I remember after joining KTC, I told him I quit. For good. He told me he was so proud of me. Now, I always knew my dad loved me. It was never a question. But my dad wasn’t the type to just hand out things like that. It really made me feel good to hear that from him. Every once in a while, my dad would ask me what my day count was. He was so supportive and and remains very proud. Of course, I never quit for him or anyone else but myself, but it still helps fuels my resolve. Unfortunately, my dad will not be able to ask me my day count anymore. He had a massive heart attack early Tuesday morning and died. He was a good man. He was the man that I think most of us want to be. A good husband for 53 years to my mom. A good father who taught me that being a real man was more important than money, status or anything else. He taught me the importance of hard work, honesty, integrity and always keeping your word. He taught me there is nothing more important than faith, family and friends. I’m sitting at my parents house right now. In his chair. I can feel him all around me and it hurts that he isn’t here. Saturday, we will bury him. But he is still all around. I can hear his voice. I can envision him walking around this house. I can picture him sound asleep in the very chair that I sit in. The up side is that when he died, he knew that I loved him. Those were the last words I said to him about an hour before he died. He also knew that I was still quit. As I said, I didn’t quit for anyone but me. But knowing the pride he took in that, it helps give me resolve to stay that way. I am honored to have known a man of his stature. Even more so, blessed to have had that man as my father. I was close to my dad and I am proud of everything he did. He was taken from this earth, but when he was I was able to say, “Dad, I’m still quit.” Thank you for allowing me to spill my guts. Please make sure that those you love and care about know it. Swallow pride and put differences aside. You just don’t know when that last conversation will truly be the last. Please don’t end up having regrets that you wished you had said something when you had the chance. This post is in honor of my dad. My quit is my own. But it doesn’t mean that it can’t honor my dad as a secondary.
I will be lifting you up in prayer Dawgs! I can relate with the difficulty of your loss.
A few things really stand out to me as I read your story honoring your dad.
One, your dad sounds like an amazing man.
Two, your dad raised and amazing man.
Proud to be quit with you Dawgs.
Sorry for your loss brother.
-Jeff
@Dawgs (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2001) You have a family that cares about you. Use us as needed. You will be in our thoughts and prayers.
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It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. Last time I posted on Introductions I was around 400 days. Today I posted 773. A lot has happened in that time. A pandemic. Some really bad winter storms. Life in general. But I want to share something tonight. My dad was smoking 5 packs/day when I was 6 years old. Chain smoking from the time he woke up til he went to sleep. When I was 6, he had a mini stroke. It scared the crap out of him. He told me later on that he prayed that if God would let him survive it, he would never smoke again. Well, God did spare him and my dad honored his oath to quit. Cold turkey, in the hospital. He never picked up another cigarette again. About 10 years later, I started dipping. My dad didn’t like it, at all. He made it clear that it wasn’t acceptable in his house, so began the sneaking. Of course, my dad didn’t want me to go down the same road he did. Once I graduated high school and moved out, there wasn’t anything he could do about it any more. He would still tell me he wished I would quit. Of course at 19, I knew everything. He was always worried about my health even though he wasn’t the kind of person to hound you about something. I remember after joining KTC, I told him I quit. For good. He told me he was so proud of me. Now, I always knew my dad loved me. It was never a question. But my dad wasn’t the type to just hand out things like that. It really made me feel good to hear that from him. Every once in a while, my dad would ask me what my day count was. He was so supportive and and remains very proud. Of course, I never quit for him or anyone else but myself, but it still helps fuels my resolve. Unfortunately, my dad will not be able to ask me my day count anymore. He had a massive heart attack early Tuesday morning and died. He was a good man. He was the man that I think most of us want to be. A good husband for 53 years to my mom. A good father who taught me that being a real man was more important than money, status or anything else. He taught me the importance of hard work, honesty, integrity and always keeping your word. He taught me there is nothing more important than faith, family and friends. I’m sitting at my parents house right now. In his chair. I can feel him all around me and it hurts that he isn’t here. Saturday, we will bury him. But he is still all around. I can hear his voice. I can envision him walking around this house. I can picture him sound asleep in the very chair that I sit in. The up side is that when he died, he knew that I loved him. Those were the last words I said to him about an hour before he died. He also knew that I was still quit. As I said, I didn’t quit for anyone but me. But knowing the pride he took in that, it helps give me resolve to stay that way. I am honored to have known a man of his stature. Even more so, blessed to have had that man as my father. I was close to my dad and I am proud of everything he did. He was taken from this earth, but when he was I was able to say, “Dad, I’m still quit.” Thank you for allowing me to spill my guts. Please make sure that those you love and care about know it. Swallow pride and put differences aside. You just don’t know when that last conversation will truly be the last. Please don’t end up having regrets that you wished you had said something when you had the chance. This post is in honor of my dad. My quit is my own. But it doesn’t mean that it can’t honor my dad as a secondary.
I will be lifting you up in prayer Dawgs! I can relate with the difficulty of your loss.
A few things really stand out to me as I read your story honoring your dad.
One, your dad sounds like an amazing man.
Two, your dad raised and amazing man.
Proud to be quit with you Dawgs.
Sorry for your loss brother.
-Jeff
@Dawgs (https://ktcforum.org/index.php?action=profile;u=2001) You have a family that cares about you. Use us as needed. You will be in our thoughts and prayers.
So sorry for your loss, Dawgs. Thoughts and prayers sent your way. There us nothing like the pride a father has in his son. I'm glad you had that pride from your father.