You want a story? I have a close friend, let's call him Dave.
Dave loved tobacco. Dave would snort it through a dollar bill back when he was in middle school. He started with that fine ground stuff meant for sniffing, but soon the buzz went away. So, he started snorting Copenhagen fine cut. He would cut it down further with a razor blade. Yes, it had a tendency to cause bloody noses, but it provided a helluva punch. For a while. Dave continued his search for the perfect buzz and he started snorting Kodiak, fiberglass and all. After a few years of snorting Kodiak, Dave's septum gave way so that he could string a noodle from one nostril to the next. He kept at it. Now that his nostril cavity was doubled in size, he began storing the Kodiak in his nose for hours on end. He no longer had bloody noses, but he did develop a rather nasty post tobacco drip. Catching a cold was no concern for Dave. Until the day came when he had packed a huge nose chaw and let loose with an incredible sneeze. He had packed the chew so tight, that there was no exit for this mucousy explosion. The force of the sneeze caused a golf ball sized bubble to form out of the side of his weakened nose. At 20, Dave had an ever-growing tobacco filled goiter hanging off the side of his nose. Dave's post tobacco drip ended as the chew mucous now pooled in the taut bubble. Larger and darker it grew, wobbling like an African breast. Dave continued shoving chew up his nose. He hated himself for it. But quitting tobacco is the hardest thing in the world. He knew it was impossible so he never bothered to try. Better to live a life with a huge bag of decaying chew spit hanging from your face than to take control of your life.
Actually, I like your story better.
