Day 1 For Me

[69franx]

Day 204

Has it really been 84 days since my last post?  Hard to believe, but I will definitely try to post here more often.  Since day 120 a lot has happened.  The funk i talked of at day 120 stuck around and was thick.  Day 144 I woke up and it was gone.  I was thinking it was a dream because i just woke up and it had disappeared.  I didn't think it would stick, but it has.  I go into each day cautious that i can fall back into the funk at a moment's notice.  Once i got past day 144 I really felt great, although i did have some lingering anxiety in the form headaches and pressure in my head. 

Then came conducting for November, which was a great experience, however exhausting!  It took my mind away from any anxiety or depression that may have been lingering.  But once the month was done; i needed a break from the site.  Yea, I still posted my promise first thing in the morning, but that was about it for the next couple weeks.  Also, with the holidays coming I noticed an uptick in my anxiety and general well being.  After going to my doctor a handful of times, a dentist, an oral surgeon and my eye doctor, i finally started feeling relief on day 202.  Apparently i clench my jaw and grind my teeth causing constant tension headaches and my BP was slightly elevated.  So they got me a night guard and a higher dose BP medicine and i feel great!

Enough for now!  Anyone reading this having issues with anxiety and you're early in your quit; reach out to me!   

Everything in here sounds so familiar to my experiences. Know that these are all common occurrences between 100&200 days. Keep doing what youre doing and remember Never Again For Any Reason!

[Ruthless]

Day 204

Has it really been 84 days since my last post?  Hard to believe, but I will definitely try to post here more often.  Since day 120 a lot has happened.  The funk i talked of at day 120 stuck around and was thick.  Day 144 I woke up and it was gone.  I was thinking it was a dream because i just woke up and it had disappeared.  I didn't think it would stick, but it has.  I go into each day cautious that i can fall back into the funk at a moment's notice.  Once i got past day 144 I really felt great, although i did have some lingering anxiety in the form headaches and pressure in my head. 

Then came conducting for November, which was a great experience, however exhausting!  It took my mind away from any anxiety or depression that may have been lingering.  But once the month was done; i needed a break from the site.  Yea, I still posted my promise first thing in the morning, but that was about it for the next couple weeks.  Also, with the holidays coming I noticed an uptick in my anxiety and general well being.  After going to my doctor a handful of times, a dentist, an oral surgeon and my eye doctor, i finally started feeling relief on day 202.  Apparently i clench my jaw and grind my teeth causing constant tension headaches and my BP was slightly elevated.  So they got me a night guard and a higher dose BP medicine and i feel great!

Enough for now!  Anyone reading this having issues with anxiety and you're early in your quit; reach out to me!   

[oldschool]

Day 120

I haven't really had any issues since the late 70's, but this week was rough.  Unexpectedly, I got hammered last weekend and it wrecked me for a few days.  Anxiety was through the roof and frankly, i was just a mess.  I had no motivation to do ANYTHING and was self loathing.  Today, 3 days later, i'm coming out of it.  It was a rough stretch of fog and anxiety/depression; but i made it through.

It seems of late I am more sensitive to caffeine and alcohol.  I'm taking a break from both for a bit to try and help regulate the body.  Still just focused on ODAAT and i know i will keep my word and post my promise in the morning!

I can relate to this. I want to go out and have fun drinking, but I dread the unwanted craves it may bring.
Early on in my quit the craves caused by drinking alcohol were terrible.
I also felt that the times I drank early on in my quit the effects of alcohol hit me harder than ever.
I can say that both problems from drinking have improved, although I’m still very skeptical every time I go out to drink.

I feel that drinking will take the longest to feel normal again. You probably know this, but that three day drag you had after your binge- a lot of people (even ones that don’t use mic/tobacco ever)experience something similar. I do too. For me the root of it is feeling like I may have said something stupid, ashamed of how much I drank  or embarrassed myself somehow, thus leading to that lethargic feeling or anxiety.

I’m not ever one to change personalities when I’m drunk or say out of bound things typically, I just tend to be super judgmental of myself and I’m over-conscious the next morning which again leads to those feelings.

Being quit probably causes some of this but I’ve always had that next day regret after drinking. Maybe it’s the same for you as well. I think for you and I to not experience those feelings will take an attitude adjustment, but I also believe the next days after will improve in time. Or we shouldn’t drink as much when we do drink lol. But shit happens

@BaylorGrad19 man this is so spot on.  I cut out alcohol altogether the first month.  I don't really get the cravings when i drink now because i do so in moderation.  This past weekend i went overboard and i spiraled the next few days.  I won't be going back to that anytime soon!  Thanks for the advice!

Mike, it's great that you are learning potential triggers that might put you in a funk.  From my experience funks have come in waves, but the good news is it seems like they get shorter in duration as time goes by.  It does get better!  Proud to quit with you

[Ruthless]

Day 120

I haven't really had any issues since the late 70's, but this week was rough.  Unexpectedly, I got hammered last weekend and it wrecked me for a few days.  Anxiety was through the roof and frankly, i was just a mess.  I had no motivation to do ANYTHING and was self loathing.  Today, 3 days later, i'm coming out of it.  It was a rough stretch of fog and anxiety/depression; but i made it through.

It seems of late I am more sensitive to caffeine and alcohol.  I'm taking a break from both for a bit to try and help regulate the body.  Still just focused on ODAAT and i know i will keep my word and post my promise in the morning!

I can relate to this. I want to go out and have fun drinking, but I dread the unwanted craves it may bring.
Early on in my quit the craves caused by drinking alcohol were terrible.
I also felt that the times I drank early on in my quit the effects of alcohol hit me harder than ever.
I can say that both problems from drinking have improved, although I’m still very skeptical every time I go out to drink.

I feel that drinking will take the longest to feel normal again. You probably know this, but that three day drag you had after your binge- a lot of people (even ones that don’t use mic/tobacco ever)experience something similar. I do too. For me the root of it is feeling like I may have said something stupid, ashamed of how much I drank  or embarrassed myself somehow, thus leading to that lethargic feeling or anxiety.

I’m not ever one to change personalities when I’m drunk or say out of bound things typically, I just tend to be super judgmental of myself and I’m over-conscious the next morning which again leads to those feelings.

Being quit probably causes some of this but I’ve always had that next day regret after drinking. Maybe it’s the same for you as well. I think for you and I to not experience those feelings will take an attitude adjustment, but I also believe the next days after will improve in time. Or we shouldn’t drink as much when we do drink lol. But shit happens

@BaylorGrad19 man this is so spot on.  I cut out alcohol altogether the first month.  I don't really get the cravings when i drink now because i do so in moderation.  This past weekend i went overboard and i spiraled the next few days.  I won't be going back to that anytime soon!  Thanks for the advice!

[BaylorGrad19]

Day 120

I haven't really had any issues since the late 70's, but this week was rough.  Unexpectedly, I got hammered last weekend and it wrecked me for a few days.  Anxiety was through the roof and frankly, i was just a mess.  I had no motivation to do ANYTHING and was self loathing.  Today, 3 days later, i'm coming out of it.  It was a rough stretch of fog and anxiety/depression; but i made it through.

It seems of late I am more sensitive to caffeine and alcohol.  I'm taking a break from both for a bit to try and help regulate the body.  Still just focused on ODAAT and i know i will keep my word and post my promise in the morning!

I can relate to this. I want to go out and have fun drinking, but I dread the unwanted craves it may bring.
Early on in my quit the craves caused by drinking alcohol were terrible.
I also felt that the times I drank early on in my quit the effects of alcohol hit me harder than ever.
I can say that both problems from drinking have improved, although I’m still very skeptical every time I go out to drink.

I feel that drinking will take the longest to feel normal again. You probably know this, but that three day drag you had after your binge- a lot of people (even ones that don’t use mic/tobacco ever)experience something similar. I do too. For me the root of it is feeling like I may have said something stupid, ashamed of how much I drank  or embarrassed myself somehow, thus leading to that lethargic feeling or anxiety.

I’m not ever one to change personalities when I’m drunk or say out of bound things typically, I just tend to be super judgmental of myself and I’m over-conscious the next morning which again leads to those feelings.

Being quit probably causes some of this but I’ve always had that next day regret after drinking. Maybe it’s the same for you as well. I think for you and I to not experience those feelings will take an attitude adjustment, but I also believe the next days after will improve in time. Or we shouldn’t drink as much when we do drink lol. But shit happens

[Ruthless]

Day 120

I haven't really had any issues since the late 70's, but this week was rough.  Unexpectedly, I got hammered last weekend and it wrecked me for a few days.  Anxiety was through the roof and frankly, i was just a mess.  I had no motivation to do ANYTHING and was self loathing.  Today, 3 days later, i'm coming out of it.  It was a rough stretch of fog and anxiety/depression; but i made it through.

It seems of late I am more sensitive to caffeine and alcohol.  I'm taking a break from both for a bit to try and help regulate the body.  Still just focused on ODAAT and i know i will keep my word and post my promise in the morning!

[Ruthless]

Awesome that you’ve made it this far!

Your advice and chatter in my early days is probably a big reason while I’m still here!
Looking forward to your HOF speech.

That makes me happy @BaylorGrad19.  Just keep going brother, ODAAT.

[BaylorGrad19]

Awesome that you’ve made it this far!

Your advice and chatter in my early days is probably a big reason while I’m still here!
Looking forward to your HOF speech.

[chris2alaska]

103 Days

I guess it's time to start contemplating a HOF speech.  I think i'll let it simmer for a bit.  I don't want it to be unremarkable. 

I feel real good at this point.  I don't have craves anymore; and i think that can be primarily attributed to forcing myself to hate it.  I've learned a lot and have received a ton of great advice over the past 100ish days.  My hope is to bundle it up in some form or fashion into a speech.

I do get anxiety from time to time; but i think that is more of a product of my body adjusting to life without dip.  Dip is a mother fucker and hides shit you don't even realize is there.  Quitting makes you more aware of your body and things going on; you don't look to mask the issues and prolong getting help.  I got a doctor appointment this week to check out a few things.  Nothing major; just nagging shit that i'm sick of dealing with.

Just quit for the day; we can all do that.   

Looks like the start of a totally bad ass HOF Speech right here.

[Ruthless]

103 Days

I guess it's time to start contemplating a HOF speech.  I think i'll let it simmer for a bit.  I don't want it to be unremarkable. 

I feel real good at this point.  I don't have craves anymore; and i think that can be primarily attributed to forcing myself to hate it.  I've learned a lot and have received a ton of great advice over the past 100ish days.  My hope is to bundle it up in some form or fashion into a speech.

I do get anxiety from time to time; but i think that is more of a product of my body adjusting to life without dip.  Dip is a mother fucker and hides shit you don't even realize is there.  Quitting makes you more aware of your body and things going on; you don't look to mask the issues and prolong getting help.  I got a doctor appointment this week to check out a few things.  Nothing major; just nagging shit that i'm sick of dealing with.

Just quit for the day; we can all do that.   

[Ruthless]

Test

[Ruthless]

88 Days.

I really do feel great.  I made an analogy recently that i will try to express in this post.  I used to get colds all the time; just like anyone; and the symptoms would be no energy, chills, sore throat, etc..  As a dipper and an addict; i would instantly think the worse.  My sore throat most certainly must be cancer.  I would get depressed and have brutal anxiety.  After a few days i would start to feel better and all of the illness and symptoms would lessen.  Then i would wake up and i would feel like a million bucks.  I wouldn't be worried about dipping or anything else.  It would last a day or two.  I would be excited because i knew i was lucky and the cancer didnt get me this time. 

That amazing feeling after getting over a cold...after fearing you were dying or it was the worst scenario possible...I have that feeling every morning now that i am quit.  Every f'n morning i get chills because i feel so good and am so excited about what the day will bring without dip.

One Day At A Time is an AMAZING thing. 

Ruthless

[RAZD611]

61 Days

Figured it was time to post an update.  I never hit the fog around 40 days; but i was in a funk for a few days around 55.  It's hard to tell if it's quit related or just life happening, but I'm feeling good now.  When i hit a stressful moment or a craving, i'm able to recognize it, accept it and move on.  It really is nice being able to do that; i can't emphasize it enough. 

I wanted to provide a little insight to me before my quit.  I ninja dipped cope; a can a day.  I was also a heavy boozer, heavy coffee/energy drink drinker and fingernail biter.  I used to rationalize that i needed to quit my vices one at a time; it's the only way.  This created a false sense of security for me and created a situation that i would fail every time.  See, for anybody lurking, addicts are able to mind fuck themselves something fierce.  But back in late May, i said fuck it, let's give it all up and see what happens.  I quit dipping, drinking alcohol, drinking caffeine and biting my fingernails.  IT CHANGED MY FUCKING LIFE!  I gave it all up for 30 days.

I will have a couple of beers here and there with friends and family now.  I'll also have 1 cup of coffee in the morning; but no other caffeine.  I'm happy in a general sense and that's what matters to me.  I still go in waves; but i think that is a combination of missing my vices and just being human.  A lot of people say it, but if i can quit; anyone can quit.

My digits are always a PM away.  I really want everyone to be quit...the catshit is nasty....

Ruthless   

Funny how one life change can inspire others.

[Ruthless]

61 Days

Figured it was time to post an update.  I never hit the fog around 40 days; but i was in a funk for a few days around 55.  It's hard to tell if it's quit related or just life happening, but I'm feeling good now.  When i hit a stressful moment or a craving, i'm able to recognize it, accept it and move on.  It really is nice being able to do that; i can't emphasize it enough. 

I wanted to provide a little insight to me before my quit.  I ninja dipped cope; a can a day.  I was also a heavy boozer, heavy coffee/energy drink drinker and fingernail biter.  I used to rationalize that i needed to quit my vices one at a time; it's the only way.  This created a false sense of security for me and created a situation that i would fail every time.  See, for anybody lurking, addicts are able to mind fuck themselves something fierce.  But back in late May, i said fuck it, let's give it all up and see what happens.  I quit dipping, drinking alcohol, drinking caffeine and biting my fingernails.  IT CHANGED MY FUCKING LIFE!  I gave it all up for 30 days.

I will have a couple of beers here and there with friends and family now.  I'll also have 1 cup of coffee in the morning; but no other caffeine.  I'm happy in a general sense and that's what matters to me.  I still go in waves; but i think that is a combination of missing my vices and just being human.  A lot of people say it, but if i can quit; anyone can quit.

My digits are always a PM away.  I really want everyone to be quit...the catshit is nasty....

Ruthless     

[Ruthless]

40 days!

I feel great.  I haven’t had this sustained feeling of goodness in such a long time.  It’s better than any dip buzz.  I refuse to get complacent and remain focused ODAAT.  Rinse and repeat.

I used to have thoughts while I was dipping that I just wanted to make it until I was 50.  The kids would be out of high school and I wouldn’t leave that burden on my wife.  I knew my alcohol and dip abuse would kill me eventually, but I didn’t care.  I had made a deal with God to let me make it to 50. 

Fast forward and it’s embarrassing to look back at that version of myself.  I feel so alive and free from the embrace of addiction.  I remain an addict; self aware and ever watchful.

Keep on quitting all!

Ruthless