3 days ago my many additictions finally caught up to me and I paid the price. The love of my life left me. We just moved on to NC from CA and despite a nationwide recall of my favorite dip Skoal Apple (don't judge over the last 18 years I've done it all from Cope to Kodiak but Apple seemed to do the least damage to my mouth which = more dips!). I frantically searched every truck stop from Bakersfield to Charlotte only to be stuck with the random expired can that would taste like dried out dog shit. But hey I always dipped when I drove so why not on the 2500 mile drive while my fiancé once again just turned away in disgust. What she didn't know was for me dip was the "lowest man on the totem pole" as far as addictions. But still she loved me. She supported me. And all she wanted was for me to be healthy. To be strong. But instead I chose my vices, took her love for granted and ultimately drove her away. Wednesday she got on a plane and left, canceled the wedding and finally told me she had enough. Was it the dip, not by its self but it played a part. If I could t stop for myself, for her, for our future what kind of husband would I make? After begging for one last chance at the airport and Her refusing to even talk to me I speed off and went straight to the nearest 7-11. I needed a fresh bucket (didn't like calling them cans) and a 30 pack. I needed to get F'd up and drown my sorrows as I've always done. But something hit me. Standing in that line scouring the wall to find that neon green can just to make sure they had it with a case of ice cold ones in my hand something just snapped inside. What the fuck was I doing? This bullshit got me to this place, it never helped it just made life suck even more. I left the case right there on the floor and walked out. I never bought the bucket. Of course like many people I stashed cans all around the house just in case so I went home and dipped every single can until I got to a old can of cherry sitting in my sock drawer. How fitting end it with the same flavor I started with when I was 15. As I picked up the can and started to pack it I realized this was it, it was time to quit or whatever was left of my life would just get shorter and more pathetic until I sided of some awful cancer alone. I walked over to the toilet and flushed the entire can. It's only day 3, but I will never give in again, it may not ever help me get my lost love back, it may be to late but I'll pray everyday she forgives me one day, but maybe I'll live long enough to find happiness again. Stay strong guys, the roads gonna get bumpier but I won't let this beat me, it's won rounds 1-11 but it's round 12 and I'm mad as hell ...
