Author Topic: Garbage feeling  (Read 21589 times)

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Offline Thefranks5

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #68 on: November 10, 2020, 05:10:50 PM »
Long one but if it helps one person then I am successful. Since I chewed for over 30 years one thing that has been with me since I quit has been the feeling that I am in mourning. I told my wife I feel like I have lost a close friend of over 30 years and am mourning my loss. So to help me with my quit I started using fake stuff and seeds. I used smokey mountain the most and baccoff occasionally which leads me to where I am at. As some of you know I was diagnosed with silent reflux and if you don't know what it is please research it as it could be a great wartime tool as it brought me to my knees. With that reflux you get a very very sore throat and voice box which can take months to heal. But in order to heal you have to eliminate what causes the reflux and pain. Well by my account I thought I was doing well but still dealt with throat/voicebox and ear issues, like I said research it. So by using my ever so small and thick man brain I have come to realize two things. 1- I used just as much fake as I did the real stuff and 2- smokey mountain has cayenne powder and baccoff has vinegar. Two very great ingredients to give you that burn you so are looking for in your lip but also dries out your mouth, throat and on down to your gut and can actually cause damage to you. I ended up using so much during the course of the day that I would feel like I did a hot wing challenge and needed an ice bath. So by using that I was just aggravating my reflux and not being healed.
Back to my initial thought, yes in my head I felt like I lost a friend (well I am an addict). I replaced that with fake which helped but just did not do the trick. I remember in the last month prior to my quit I would stick a chew in and spit it out 10 minutes later to just do it all over again. I did not want that chew but my brain craved it so bad that I would keep going so guess what happened next. Yup I ended up doing the same thing with fake, first thing before making coffee a fake lip, then to the toilet, grab coffee on way back and log in and post my promise. Finished a service call at work popped a fakey, finished eating popped a fakey, had to poop popped a fakey (sorry about that one girls). Sick story isn't it? I went right back to living like my old addict self using the fake stuff. So I finally got enough spark to lite that candle in my head I realized it. I thought I needed the fake stuff to get thru life and was really just fooling and screwing myself up even more. This quit is so much mental even in the late stages that it can really mess you up. Why would I still feel like I was in mourning, its not like somebody died and left me but that is what my brain was telling me. So today I am putting a close on that chapter and rewriting my brain. Starting today you will see a second number next to my day count. That is my 2nd day count for the fake stuff and you will see a new promise. NNTOFS- No Nicotine Today Or Fake Stuff as that is what I think I will need to conquer this beast. I never realized what I was doing until my wife said to me on Saturday "you use that fake stuff as a warm blanket". So as usual I give my wife buckets of credit for pointing out what was in front of my face. Pretty sad to think that I was helping others while falling right back into the same old pattern. I want to apologize to anybody who might think less of me and I deserve it but this is where we change.

So I would like to know
1- is this what some of you are feeling (maybe some can relate)
2- do you also feel like your in mourning (adds to my anxiety/depression issues)
3- did you use fake and for how long (250 days for me)
4- physically how you feeling, any new things that quitting helped you find (Mine was silent reflux which I had for years but never new what caused the symptoms I had)
5- did anybody utilize meds? (I had the prescription filled and in my hand but never used it)

Answer them if you want (be nice please) but I am just curious as I have dealt with a whole slew of issues from quitting that were not there before. I can understand the cavers mentality as I was theoretically caving using the fake stuff. I have so many people to thank but the biggest would be the Lord for allowing me another chance to quit, my wife for just dealing with a complete basket case of a husband, everybody at KTC as you are now family to me. Never thought that a bunch of strangers would help me like they did. Especially want to thank @GS9502 for welcoming me into the Renegades at 78 days in, you sir have made a difference, @stillbrewing a fellow keystone state quitter who I know has my back. @MuleMan another fellow keystone state guy who helped me become a conductor, @Whatsupsnapper dude if you only knew how much you have helped me and truly are a brutha from another mutha and to all the rest who have helped me along the way. Proud to be quit with each and every one of you today and honored to be part of the family. Thank you again.

Offline Thefranks5

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #67 on: October 30, 2020, 06:56:36 PM »
As I rolled thru life as an addict I never had the issues that I have now. From silent reflux, facial pains that come and go, neck issues from different sleep style to absolute exhaustion at 9 pm. My wife and I have lost track of my ailments and actually have fun with name the ailment of the day, lol. All my issues are because of my 30 plus year addiction and showed up when I finally made the greatest decision of my life (2nd to accepting Jesus as my savior and 3rd to marrying my awesome wife of course) so it still can be a constant struggle. I have received great reports from family doctor, dentist and ent specialist and all is going real good. I will be honest and say that the reflux issues have been the worst as when a relapse happens it really can set ya back. Relapses suck and it can be a challenge trying to figure out what caused it to flare up. Thought I was doing good and bam I am back trying to quell the fire again. Sucks because it takes a week to 10 days to straighten it out but from what I have read thats normal until you can eliminate the triggers. It is no where near as bad as the full blown attack that I was dealing with in my first 100 days but very annoying. But we are still going strong and actually have a nephew who is quitting with me and a foster child that didn't really have a choice but had to quit cigarettes when he came to live with us. As I always state having quit buddies is what I have found really solidifies your quit. There is nothing like having somebody walking that walk with you that has been there or is experiencing the garbage right along with you. So all you newbies reach out within your group to each other, somebody take charge and gather the troops, be there for each other by checking the site for who is didn't post later in the day, if a vet reaches out to you accept it and say thanks and even share digits if comfortable but the biggest thing is to WUPP. That is so important to me as posting my promise is just like peeing or slamming that first cup of joe down. Now it is so common place that I look forward to posting and feel bad if I don't post until after 8 on the weekend. OK thats enough for now but thank you to all the vets, all the people who I have in my text bunch that I promise to off the site, my awesome fellow Renegades for accepting me in and to the almighty Lord in heaven as without you none of this is possible. Stay strong, stay QUIT and God bless.
You once told me- and I tucked it away in my little document of good stuff I’ve read.-  “It is true that we can pull strength from others and strengthen others at the same time.” ~thefranks5
So true @ankape , this year has been a very eye opening year and very educational too. From breaking a 30 year addiction, taking on a larger role in the church youth group, becoming a foster parent for the first time, to being a conductor which was totally awesome and helping my nephew with his quit (I tried getting him on the site but he wants to go it with his immediate family). We find ourselves doing things we never thought we would or never have done before. I can remember in the mens group at church the teacher saying "you will only make a difference in your life and others when you get out of your comfort zone". Why do we not do things to enhance ourselves and others unless its comfortable. We all need our groups to get thru many trials and troubles. I never would have been able to get thru life without my Christian groups. I never would have got this far unless people called out to me on KTC. I knew this quit would be the last time when @GS9502 invited me in to the Renegade text group and I gained the support and strength I so much needed. We gain a new passion for something when we truly feel it works. I truly believe KTC works and that is why I am passionate to help others on the site. My wife says that my new passion for the site is a bit creepy then I remind her of my day count and she smiles. I have had people reach out and guide me so much this year that its really amazing so it is my pleasure to give back. So yes I am a strong believer that we can pull strength from others and strengthen them at the same time. That is why the good Lord has put me with an awesome lady that is my wife for 24 years now. By ourselves we are just one but with each other we are everything. As always thank you to all who have helped and I will forever be grateful. Stay strong, stay QUIT and God bless.

Offline Athan

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #66 on: October 30, 2020, 08:14:52 AM »
As I rolled thru life as an addict I never had the issues that I have now. From silent reflux, facial pains that come and go, neck issues from different sleep style to absolute exhaustion at 9 pm. My wife and I have lost track of my ailments and actually have fun with name the ailment of the day, lol. All my issues are because of my 30 plus year addiction and showed up when I finally made the greatest decision of my life (2nd to accepting Jesus as my savior and 3rd to marrying my awesome wife of course) so it still can be a constant struggle. I have received great reports from family doctor, dentist and ent specialist and all is going real good. I will be honest and say that the reflux issues have been the worst as when a relapse happens it really can set ya back. Relapses suck and it can be a challenge trying to figure out what caused it to flare up. Thought I was doing good and bam I am back trying to quell the fire again. Sucks because it takes a week to 10 days to straighten it out but from what I have read thats normal until you can eliminate the triggers. It is no where near as bad as the full blown attack that I was dealing with in my first 100 days but very annoying. But we are still going strong and actually have a nephew who is quitting with me and a foster child that didn't really have a choice but had to quit cigarettes when he came to live with us. As I always state having quit buddies is what I have found really solidifies your quit. There is nothing like having somebody walking that walk with you that has been there or is experiencing the garbage right along with you. So all you newbies reach out within your group to each other, somebody take charge and gather the troops, be there for each other by checking the site for who is didn't post later in the day, if a vet reaches out to you accept it and say thanks and even share digits if comfortable but the biggest thing is to WUPP. That is so important to me as posting my promise is just like peeing or slamming that first cup of joe down. Now it is so common place that I look forward to posting and feel bad if I don't post until after 8 on the weekend. OK thats enough for now but thank you to all the vets, all the people who I have in my text bunch that I promise to off the site, my awesome fellow Renegades for accepting me in and to the almighty Lord in heaven as without you none of this is possible. Stay strong, stay QUIT and God bless.
You once told me- and I tucked it away in my little document of good stuff I’ve read.-  “It is true that we can pull strength from others and strengthen others at the same time.” ~thefranks5
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Offline ankape

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #65 on: October 30, 2020, 01:32:00 AM »
As I rolled thru life as an addict I never had the issues that I have now. From silent reflux, facial pains that come and go, neck issues from different sleep style to absolute exhaustion at 9 pm. My wife and I have lost track of my ailments and actually have fun with name the ailment of the day, lol. All my issues are because of my 30 plus year addiction and showed up when I finally made the greatest decision of my life (2nd to accepting Jesus as my savior and 3rd to marrying my awesome wife of course) so it still can be a constant struggle. I have received great reports from family doctor, dentist and ent specialist and all is going real good. I will be honest and say that the reflux issues have been the worst as when a relapse happens it really can set ya back. Relapses suck and it can be a challenge trying to figure out what caused it to flare up. Thought I was doing good and bam I am back trying to quell the fire again. Sucks because it takes a week to 10 days to straighten it out but from what I have read thats normal until you can eliminate the triggers. It is no where near as bad as the full blown attack that I was dealing with in my first 100 days but very annoying. But we are still going strong and actually have a nephew who is quitting with me and a foster child that didn't really have a choice but had to quit cigarettes when he came to live with us. As I always state having quit buddies is what I have found really solidifies your quit. There is nothing like having somebody walking that walk with you that has been there or is experiencing the garbage right along with you. So all you newbies reach out within your group to each other, somebody take charge and gather the troops, be there for each other by checking the site for who is didn't post later in the day, if a vet reaches out to you accept it and say thanks and even share digits if comfortable but the biggest thing is to WUPP. That is so important to me as posting my promise is just like peeing or slamming that first cup of joe down. Now it is so common place that I look forward to posting and feel bad if I don't post until after 8 on the weekend. OK thats enough for now but thank you to all the vets, all the people who I have in my text bunch that I promise to off the site, my awesome fellow Renegades for accepting me in and to the almighty Lord in heaven as without you none of this is possible. Stay strong, stay QUIT and God bless.
You once told me- and I tucked it away in my little document of good stuff I’ve read.-  “It is true that we can pull strength from others and strengthen others at the same time.” ~thefranks5

Offline Thefranks5

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #64 on: October 28, 2020, 08:43:17 PM »
As I rolled thru life as an addict I never had the issues that I have now. From silent reflux, facial pains that come and go, neck issues from different sleep style to absolute exhaustion at 9 pm. My wife and I have lost track of my ailments and actually have fun with name the ailment of the day, lol. All my issues are because of my 30 plus year addiction and showed up when I finally made the greatest decision of my life (2nd to accepting Jesus as my savior and 3rd to marrying my awesome wife of course) so it still can be a constant struggle. I have received great reports from family doctor, dentist and ent specialist and all is going real good. I will be honest and say that the reflux issues have been the worst as when a relapse happens it really can set ya back. Relapses suck and it can be a challenge trying to figure out what caused it to flare up. Thought I was doing good and bam I am back trying to quell the fire again. Sucks because it takes a week to 10 days to straighten it out but from what I have read thats normal until you can eliminate the triggers. It is no where near as bad as the full blown attack that I was dealing with in my first 100 days but very annoying. But we are still going strong and actually have a nephew who is quitting with me and a foster child that didn't really have a choice but had to quit cigarettes when he came to live with us. As I always state having quit buddies is what I have found really solidifies your quit. There is nothing like having somebody walking that walk with you that has been there or is experiencing the garbage right along with you. So all you newbies reach out within your group to each other, somebody take charge and gather the troops, be there for each other by checking the site for who is didn't post later in the day, if a vet reaches out to you accept it and say thanks and even share digits if comfortable but the biggest thing is to WUPP. That is so important to me as posting my promise is just like peeing or slamming that first cup of joe down. Now it is so common place that I look forward to posting and feel bad if I don't post until after 8 on the weekend. OK thats enough for now but thank you to all the vets, all the people who I have in my text bunch that I promise to off the site, my awesome fellow Renegades for accepting me in and to the almighty Lord in heaven as without you none of this is possible. Stay strong, stay QUIT and God bless.

Offline EXBEARHAG

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #63 on: October 08, 2020, 10:22:46 PM »
Never before had I ever thought I would get this far with my quit. I owe it the the good Lord above, my wife and kids, KTC and all the supporters here. Had my second dentist visit since my quit 217 days ago. She was very happy and said everything looked great. My teeth are in great shape, my gums are great and the normal color is back. After 30 years of abuse I never thought I would still be able to go to the dentist or doctor and say “TOBACCO FREE”. There is hope for us all in this quit but you have to tow the line and stay the course. It can be and will be done for sure. Thanks again to everybody who is still helping me today and I am trying to help as many as will let me. I have no magic ball saying how to quit but I did persevere for this long. You want to be part of the text crew and help each other send me a pm and we can share digits. Stay strong, stay quit and God bless.
Congrats @Thefranks5 . Remember this victory and the feeling of it. The nic lady will tap on your shoulder again one day. Let these wins be another reason you keep her at bay.
Its a daily fight with her. Makes me so mad that it still drives me crazy. Its 1000% better now then 200 or even 100 days ago but man I will never go back. Fought to hard for to long to resort to that. Thanks Keith your words mean alot and so do these Never Again For Any Reason!!!
@Thefranks5 the light grows brighter around every 100 days. Enjoy and celebrate the wins. We can’t pack our mouths full of crap for years and expect everything is great after a short time period. I know it is hard, but be patient. It keeps getting better and better.

Love to see those not-so-little victories.  Keep the faith brother. 

Online Keith0617

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #62 on: October 08, 2020, 08:26:44 AM »
Never before had I ever thought I would get this far with my quit. I owe it the the good Lord above, my wife and kids, KTC and all the supporters here. Had my second dentist visit since my quit 217 days ago. She was very happy and said everything looked great. My teeth are in great shape, my gums are great and the normal color is back. After 30 years of abuse I never thought I would still be able to go to the dentist or doctor and say “TOBACCO FREE”. There is hope for us all in this quit but you have to tow the line and stay the course. It can be and will be done for sure. Thanks again to everybody who is still helping me today and I am trying to help as many as will let me. I have no magic ball saying how to quit but I did persevere for this long. You want to be part of the text crew and help each other send me a pm and we can share digits. Stay strong, stay quit and God bless.
Congrats @Thefranks5 . Remember this victory and the feeling of it. The nic lady will tap on your shoulder again one day. Let these wins be another reason you keep her at bay.
Its a daily fight with her. Makes me so mad that it still drives me crazy. Its 1000% better now then 200 or even 100 days ago but man I will never go back. Fought to hard for to long to resort to that. Thanks Keith your words mean alot and so do these Never Again For Any Reason!!!
@Thefranks5 the light grows brighter around every 100 days. Enjoy and celebrate the wins. We can’t pack our mouths full of crap for years and expect everything is great after a short time period. I know it is hard, but be patient. It keeps getting better and better.
Jan19

Offline Thefranks5

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #61 on: October 07, 2020, 06:49:08 PM »
Never before had I ever thought I would get this far with my quit. I owe it the the good Lord above, my wife and kids, KTC and all the supporters here. Had my second dentist visit since my quit 217 days ago. She was very happy and said everything looked great. My teeth are in great shape, my gums are great and the normal color is back. After 30 years of abuse I never thought I would still be able to go to the dentist or doctor and say “TOBACCO FREE”. There is hope for us all in this quit but you have to tow the line and stay the course. It can be and will be done for sure. Thanks again to everybody who is still helping me today and I am trying to help as many as will let me. I have no magic ball saying how to quit but I did persevere for this long. You want to be part of the text crew and help each other send me a pm and we can share digits. Stay strong, stay quit and God bless.
Congrats @Thefranks5 . Remember this victory and the feeling of it. The nic lady will tap on your shoulder again one day. Let these wins be another reason you keep her at bay.
Its a daily fight with her. Makes me so mad that it still drives me crazy. Its 1000% better now then 200 or even 100 days ago but man I will never go back. Fought to hard for to long to resort to that. Thanks Keith your words mean alot and so do these Never Again For Any Reason!!!

Online Keith0617

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #60 on: October 07, 2020, 06:11:05 PM »
Never before had I ever thought I would get this far with my quit. I owe it the the good Lord above, my wife and kids, KTC and all the supporters here. Had my second dentist visit since my quit 217 days ago. She was very happy and said everything looked great. My teeth are in great shape, my gums are great and the normal color is back. After 30 years of abuse I never thought I would still be able to go to the dentist or doctor and say “TOBACCO FREE”. There is hope for us all in this quit but you have to tow the line and stay the course. It can be and will be done for sure. Thanks again to everybody who is still helping me today and I am trying to help as many as will let me. I have no magic ball saying how to quit but I did persevere for this long. You want to be part of the text crew and help each other send me a pm and we can share digits. Stay strong, stay quit and God bless.
Congrats @Thefranks5 . Remember this victory and the feeling of it. The nic lady will tap on your shoulder again one day. Let these wins be another reason you keep her at bay.
Jan19

Offline Thefranks5

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #59 on: October 07, 2020, 03:28:15 PM »
Never before had I ever thought I would get this far with my quit. I owe it the the good Lord above, my wife and kids, KTC and all the supporters here. Had my second dentist visit since my quit 217 days ago. She was very happy and said everything looked great. My teeth are in great shape, my gums are great and the normal color is back. After 30 years of abuse I never thought I would still be able to go to the dentist or doctor and say “TOBACCO FREE”. There is hope for us all in this quit but you have to tow the line and stay the course. It can be and will be done for sure. Thanks again to everybody who is still helping me today and I am trying to help as many as will let me. I have no magic ball saying how to quit but I did persevere for this long. You want to be part of the text crew and help each other send me a pm and we can share digits. Stay strong, stay quit and God bless.   

Offline Thefranks5

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #58 on: September 22, 2020, 07:07:23 AM »
Congrats on the second floor brother.  Keep keepin'!!

 'party2'
Congrats sir!
Nice work - stay loyal to your routine
Thank you , helping others has helped me as you have shown. Its a proven method and its my honor to carry that on.

Online Keith0617

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #57 on: September 21, 2020, 08:17:59 AM »
Congrats on the second floor brother.  Keep keepin'!!

 'party2'
Congrats sir!
Nice work - stay loyal to your routine
Jan19

Offline 69franx

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #56 on: September 20, 2020, 10:07:01 PM »
Congrats on the second floor brother.  Keep keepin'!!

 'party2'
Congrats sir!
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Offline EXBEARHAG

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #55 on: September 20, 2020, 08:44:02 PM »
Congrats on the second floor brother.  Keep keepin'!!

 'party2'

Offline 69franx

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Re: Garbage feeling
« Reply #54 on: September 02, 2020, 09:26:22 AM »
.... I have busted my butt for 180 days to stay nicotine free....
SIX MONTHS IS YUGE!!!
Congrats @Thefranks5.  You are killing it.
6 months is awesome, keep killing it brother!
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HOF: 11/08/17     2nd Floor: 02/16/18     3rd Floor: 05/27/18     1st trip around the sun: 07/31/18     4th Floor: 09/04/18     5th floor: 12/13/18     6th floor: 03/23/2019     7th floor: 07/01/19     2nd trip around the sun: 07/31/19     8th floor: 10/09/19     9th floor: 01/17/20     Comma Day: 04/26/2020     3rd trip around the sun: 08/01/2020     11th floor: 08/04/2020     12th Floor: 11/12/2020     13th floor: 02/20/2021     14th floor: 05/31/2021