Hi folks! I am new to the KTC community, but I unfortunately did not find you all until after I passed the 100 day milestone (clean since May 10th, 2022, so at the time of posting this, I think that its 123 days). So I would like to tell you all my story. The story of the Shittiest college semester & summer break that ended in Academic Probation and Triumph.
i had had a very good first semester. Decent grades and good friends, but my world slipped really hard after that. One friend went off to basic, and the other moved colleges. On top of all of this, the winter is a
horrible time for me, with seasonal depression and going outside being harder. We (we being students) had multiple times throughout January and February where we were essentially trapped in the dorm with nothing else to do. Naturally, I did a shit ton of drinking (which my father had said was an issue over winter break.), and this is when I started dipping. I got my first can; a can of Skoal Straight, and was instantly hooked. I loved that I could feel simultaneously stimulated and relaxed at the same time. I lost that can, and had taken a break for a bit, but my Second and pretty much all subsequent cans were Grizzly Straights. I was getting a couple cans at a time, getting to the point where I was going through 2 or 3 cans a week. In between the saga of my relationship with dip, it had become overwhelmingly evident that I had an alcohol problem. The straw that broke the camels back was when I finished a fifth of whiskey in 2 days. This was after my father, and all my friends, told me that i had a problem. I finally listened and stopped drinking cold turkey. It was a rough time. I made it 42 days without drinking a drop, and I havent had the same abusive relationship with alcohol since then. Towards the end of the semester, it became evident to me that I was not getting any benefit from dipping. every time I was about to put a lip in, I would get nauseous. The stimulating effect became a chore rather than an enjoyable act, and I discovered that I would have to pay higher insurance premiums due to that use. The semester did not end well. I could not pull myself out of the deficit I put myself in from the mental health issues I was experiencing. I hit rock bottom. I was considering switching schools, and majors, entirely. The one good thing that came out of this horrendous experience, was that I decided to finally stop dipping. I was getting zero benefit. and being the cheap POS that I am, I was not going to pay higher insurance for something I had come to hate.
So, that summer, I started. It was incredibly easy at first. I just, wasn't dipping! Due to my experience with alcohol withdrawal, I thought I was in the clear, until everything finally hit me all at once. The withdrawal was horrible. On top of all of the standard withdrawal symptoms, I have a long standing oral fixation due to Autism, so I was struggling especially hard with that. things I used as replacement included:
- Eating More Frequently
- Sunflower Seeds
- Dum Dum suckers
- Ice (a personal favorite of my mouth, even pre-dipping)
My grit through this experience is made even more personally impressive, when the fact that i was a
complete and utter idiot and stopped taking my medication (antidepressants). One of the stupidest things I have ever done. But nonetheless, I made it through the mind games. I could comfortably be around grandparents who smoked and not fear a relapse. I wasn't doing fantastic, but I was doing good. Fast forward to just before the start of the current Fall college semester and I started to deal with the funk. I was watching Youtube videos on cigars, tobacco free pouches, and other products. I was having bad cravings, and looking at every option possible to get my fix that wasnt dipping. I thought that I would *need* nicotine to get through my college coursework. Clearly, after the first few weeks of being back in college, I was wrong back then.
And that leads to the present day. I am in college. Doing my Coursework. I am taking my medication again. Figuring out how to go back to the gym without needing to dip. I am in contact with my Psychiatrist, and am starting work with a Therapist. I still have an oral fixation, but granted, I have had it my whole life from autism, so I am not really all that concerned about it. I am making huge strides these days folks! And I have Zero regrets from quitting.
I love what this community is doing, and I plan on staying in contact with people in here.
Thanks a ton for your time in reading my speech,
amac88, 19yo, dip free.
https://www.killthecan.org/one-hell-of-a-ride/
