KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Richard C on January 15, 2017, 10:15:00 PM
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Since I've been here 9 days already most of you who live here know something about me already. In fact it's probably been hard for you not to notice me, I've spent most of my time here so far as a raving lunatic. For those of you who don't know me or would like to know more, here goes.
I started chewing copenhagen when I was 15-16, started chewing leaf tobacco when I was 11-12. I'm almost 40. It's hard to believe that many years...you get pretty attached to things after so many years. In ways you don't even realize. Ways you won't realize until you begin trying to quit. I have "tried" to quit many times, some of those times were valiant efforts, one stop lasting 30 days. It damages you somehow after you've let it pull you back down a couple times, times when if you couldlve kept going you'd have won. You carry that hit on your self esteem. Not so much to the outside world maybe, but the way you live in front of your wife and your kids, people close. Nicotine is a monster, a master of emotion, capable of putting mind warps on you that will make you do things a good man shouldn't be doing, much less thinking. You'd think I was describing heroin or meth or something huh?...it's just tobacco though. "Just tobacco". I had pretty much begin to accept that I was going to be chewing until I died if the chew didn't kill me first becuase I just couldn't find the strength anymore to make any fight against it. It was too depressing, never being able to win, always being drug back down and always ending up chew more than before.
Fast forward to 9 days ago...I'm scrolling through facebook and see a post a friend shared and in the pic is a guy with his lip all messed up from cancer. I hate that stuff. I'm scared to death of cancer so most of the time all I have to see is a glimpse of a word that might be getting ready to have something to do with cancer and I'm outa there before you know it. For some reason this time I didn't split in the other direction 90 to nuthin, I clicked it. It brought me here for the first time. I can't really explain it, but I knew instantly I needed to be here. I was meant to be here. I had to be here.
That other guy showed up right about then too. Theres two of us here atm. (I hope thats ok for the introduction rules) This other guy is really an ass, but he's part of the story too so you kinda have to meet both of us. He gets mad pretty easy. Don't look funny at him or anything and try not to make eye contact. Especially do not take his copenhagen away, you will surely be destroyed. He has a terrible selfish attitude, speaks to people like they are nothing, and will say and do nearly anything for nicotine. He's freakin smart too, you'd better be on your toes if you encounter him lurking around here.
Anyway so here I am seeing this place for the first time, reading comments and realizing there really are others who get this and boy was I getting excited. I actually took the lappy and hid in the bedroom most of the afternoon while I scoped things out and started to try and make some friends. I had that feeling like I had came home after being gone for a long time. However, the whole time that this cool thing was going on, the other guy would not leave me alone. It's like he doesn't want me to be happy at anything without him being there. He always has to be in the middle of stuff, I can hardly go anywhere without him showing up. He was rude to some of the folks I met here that first day even. I argued with him later that night over him thinking they were worthless an dangerous people, he seemed very threatened by them and kept me up pretty much all night making a fuss about my committment to show up here the next morning first thing, without him of course. He didn't want me going without him. Thats when it got really bad. I did go by myself, heck I was looking forward to being away from the jerk for a while, but he must have followed me here because he got right in the middle of all my conversations raging like some fanatical moron. Interrupting, screaming, pitching the silliest fits you've probably ever seen. You really would have to see it to appreciate it.
In fact you can see it if you are so inclined. It's all there for you to read for yourself because there really is no "other guy". It was me. I did it. I said all those things to those people. I got so mad I cried and I'm pretty sure had I not been the distance of our keyboards apart that I probably woul have physically assaulted someone. It was me. All over nicotine. The people here wanted to help me quit and I wanted help, but I was scared. I wanted to quit so damn bad, I just didnt know how and the master of emotions was mastering me. I could change my mind from wanting to quit to not wanting to quit a hundred times a minute those first few days. I've yelled curse words at nearly everyone here, twice probably. Yet they kept helping, kept encouraging me.
The week or so that followed has been one of the most trying weeks of my life to date. It's been 9 days now and I have been tobacco free (if you want to call it that) since. I've scratched and clawed and fought and cussed and smashed and cried a lot. I've cried tears of rage and anger so motivating it's downright scary. I spent every ounze of energy I had keeping myself from caving. I almost lost a few times, but I'm still here. I've put out some effort but I don't think I could have made it to here without the support of the fine folks here. You know who you are and I am grateful to you. The other guy is starting to not come around quite as much now, I think he's getting the hint he's not wanted.
So, there's somewhat of an introduction from me myself and I, but Im thinking more of it like a first journal entry. I hope to be around here for a little while and I'm planning on gaining some experiences to bring back here and share. Even though I just go one day at a time, I'm excited about the future.
Above all if you are reading my little diddy here and considering quitting, stop considering and jump right in. It's safe here and it works and the people are real.
Thanks for listening and I hope you enjoyed it. Till next time...
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I am 7 days in! Very good words. Keep it up! I was glad that manipulative person does not come around much anymore. Stay strong.
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I am 7 days in! Very good words. Keep it up! I was glad that manipulative person does not come around much anymore. Stay strong.
Thanks, you too! PM me and Ill give you my digits if you want.
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Damn is the same asshole I've been talking too? J/k. Now that's what I thought you had in you! Damn proud to be quit with you! Every single time you get weak come back and read this.
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Damn is the same asshole I've been talking too? J/k. Now that's what I thought you had in you! Damn proud to be quit with you! Every single time you get weak come back and read this.
nah thats the other guy! lol....word bro. I appreciate you.
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Mighty proud of you brother. I think you're gonna help a lot of people around here, yourself first. Thanks for sharing.
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Mighty proud of you brother. I think you're gonna help a lot of people around here, yourself first. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks man! That means a lot. I hope you're right.
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Richard, hard to believe it was just 9 days ago, but I'm really proud to be quit with you. I look forward to getting to know you better through the chats or the forums! Quit on and may that other guy finally be put in his place! Time to shine!
PM me anytime for a digit exchange!
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That's a great intro! I can tell it came from your heart and it's your truth, I/we got your back on your quit journey!
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RichC that's quite a look at yourself ( and probably quite a few New quits for that matter)
But that insight into yourself is going to prove to be a stronghold on the journey to your strong, lasting quit.
Great to see.. Great intro.
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Nicotine is a wicked beast for sure. We let it make us do bad things, and breaking free from its clutches is not easy. Nicotine doesn't define us though. It isn't necessary for happiness or success, though at the moment it might seem that way. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, the truth will emerge. The picture that brought you here is what most of us used for motivation initially, but the freedom that you gain from not being a slave is the real reward
It is an honor to quit with you sir. If I can help or if you need another contact, shoot me a pm. Brighter days are ahead.
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Awesome intro Richard! Stay vigilant, that other guy and his gf the nic bitch will lurk and test you further. You know you are stronger than they are, especially with the brotherhood and accountability here. Stay strong.
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Completely agree with what the others have said here. You keep this momentum up and keep stacking those days on top of one another, learning to master that master of emotions and keep that other dude in check, and you're going to build a seriously powerful quit, one that you can use to help others do the same. Proud to be quit with you!
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Damn - Big RichardC putting down the powerful words. One through Every Damn Day brother, proud to be quit with you.
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Damn... That sums it up. Putting it down on paper/computer makes it real eh? Proud to quit with you. That was KTC gold,
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Wow. Great intro, Richard. I wonder how often in life you have let yourself get that honest with yourself? And the thing is, we all get it. That is why it is so important for you to be here.
You can do this.
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Impressive Richardc. Most people never see how others see them. Double digits for you today and that is another milestone. WE know you can do this, one step at a time brother. CJ
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Thanks for the kind words everyone. I'm proud to be quit with each of you.
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Wow. Great intro, Richard. I wonder how often in life you have let yourself get that honest with yourself? And the thing is, we all get it. That is why it is so important for you to be here.
You can do this.
It is rare that we let him do that. It's so embarrassing when he acts up like this. Please don't encourage him.
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He replied to himself 4x!!! Haha.
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Hey man, Congrats on 2 weeks!
celebrate each milestone and come back and repeat!
that's huge!
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Hey man, Congrats on 2 weeks!
celebrate each milestone and come back and repeat!
that's huge!
Thanks a bunch! 2 weeks is a pretty big deal...
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Congratulations on 2 weeks! That badass!
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Congratulations on 2 weeks! That badass!
2 weeks IS bad ass. I'll quit right alongside you today
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cmark suggested I read this intro. glad i did.
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Richard - it has been awesome to watch you win and grow stronger each day. There will be bumps ahead, but one day at a time you are earning freedom.
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Same here. CMARK suggested this intro.
Looks like you have finally reached that place where you, way deep down inside, want to be quit. You've found home.
Every damn day make the promise here to your brothers and sisters and, most importantly, to yourself.
The days stack up. Slowly at first, no doubt.
The agony continues, but each day infinitesimally less.. Those infinitesimal days begin to add upon each other, and before you know it that other person you described realizes that THEY are going to lose the battle. And you come out on top.
Just keep posting daily.. NO EXCUSES. Once you allow yourself a "pass" for missing roll, you've already lost.
EDD and you win. You make a daily 24 hour promise not to use, honor your word and beat the nic. It really is that simple.
Wolfe
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Same here. CMARK suggested this intro.
Looks like you have finally reached that place where you, way deep down inside, want to be quit. You've found home.
Every damn day make the promise here to your brothers and sisters and, most importantly, to yourself.
The days stack up. Slowly at first, no doubt.
The agony continues, but each day infinitesimally less.. Those infinitesimal days begin to add upon each other, and before you know it that other person you described realizes that THEY are going to lose the battle. And you come out on top.
Just keep posting daily.. NO EXCUSES. Once you allow yourself a "pass" for missing roll, you've already lost.
EDD and you win. You make a daily 24 hour promise not to use, honor your word and beat the nic. It really is that simple.
Wolfe
Thank you all...proud to be quit with you today.
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I remembered your name from chat, and the intro was recommended to me as well. Damn, brother. True words, and they will provide a rock for you and support for others. Keep it up, and ping me if I can ever help in any way. Congrats on 2 weeks recently, and here's to today - GFY.
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Same here. CMARK suggested this intro.
Looks like you have finally reached that place where you, way deep down inside, want to be quit. You've found home.
Every damn day make the promise here to your brothers and sisters and, most importantly, to yourself.
The days stack up. Slowly at first, no doubt.
The agony continues, but each day infinitesimally less.. Those infinitesimal days begin to add upon each other, and before you know it that other person you described realizes that THEY are going to lose the battle. And you come out on top.
Just keep posting daily.. NO EXCUSES. Once you allow yourself a "pass" for missing roll, you've already lost.
EDD and you win. You make a daily 24 hour promise not to use, honor your word and beat the nic. It really is that simple.
Wolfe
Thank you all...proud to be quit with you today.
The other guy is sneaky though. He almost tricked me on day 69. I thought he was gone. But he'll probably never leave. Always tempting with "just one - nobody will know - just use in moderation" but the problem is I don't have the ability to do moderation.
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Same here. CMARK suggested this intro.
Looks like you have finally reached that place where you, way deep down inside, want to be quit. You've found home.
Every damn day make the promise here to your brothers and sisters and, most importantly, to yourself.
The days stack up. Slowly at first, no doubt.
The agony continues, but each day infinitesimally less.. Those infinitesimal days begin to add upon each other, and before you know it that other person you described realizes that THEY are going to lose the battle. And you come out on top.
Just keep posting daily.. NO EXCUSES. Once you allow yourself a "pass" for missing roll, you've already lost.
EDD and you win. You make a daily 24 hour promise not to use, honor your word and beat the nic. It really is that simple.
Wolfe
Thank you all...proud to be quit with you today.
The other guy is sneaky though. He almost tricked me on day 69. I thought he was gone. But he'll probably never leave. Always tempting with "just one - nobody will know - just use in moderation" but the problem is I don't have the ability to do moderation.
Sneaky for sure. I quit once a long time ago...31 day cave. I didn't know about this place then. I sure am glad I found it...
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I remembered your name from chat, and the intro was recommended to me as well. Damn, brother. True words, and they will provide a rock for you and support for others. Keep it up, and ping me if I can ever help in any way. Congrats on 2 weeks recently, and here's to today - GFY.
Thank you Mr.Lentz, I have enjoyed our conversations and words of...well...you know. GFY very well sir. Have a good one and thank you again.
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Nice intro. Speaks to most of us. Every time I try to do the right thing, to move toward the best possible me, I meet resistance from "that other guy".
Glad you found us. Glad we found you.
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Beautiful intro, Richard. I regret not reading it before.
I completely understand "the other guy". It's like it's a shadow just out of the corner of your eye, just always lurking. I get it. I really do.
I very clearly remember that first time you came into chat that night and bokie, Gas, and I spent hours with you.
Look how damn far you've come.
Happy 31 days, man. You should be fucking proud of yourself, because I know I am.
I'm proud to be quit with you.
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Beautiful intro, Richard. I regret not reading it before.
I completely understand "the other guy". It's like it's a shadow just out of the corner of your eye, just always lurking. I get it. I really do.
I very clearly remember that first time you came into chat that night and bokie, Gas, and I spent hours with you.
Look how damn far you've come.
Happy 31 days, man. You should be fucking proud of yourself, because I know I am.
I'm proud to be quit with you.
Thanks, I really appreciate that.
It seems like that night was an eternity ago, I remember it, but details are sketchy. It's weird. It was so intense then and now I can hardly remember any details at all. I do remember you being there though and I'm glad you were.
I'm very proud to be quit with you too.
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Nice intro. Speaks to most of us. Every time I try to do the right thing, to move toward the best possible me, I meet resistance from "that other guy".
Glad you found us. Glad we found you.
Sir, I cannot even begin to express to you how happy I am to have found this place and you all. Proud to be quit with you.
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35 days quit today. The past several days have been a nightmare. I can hardly tell a lot of difference between now and day 1. There are differences, just subtle ones.Yesterday was the first day ever I was late for roll. Not becuase o any crisis or emergency, because of cleverness. I knew I wouldn't break my word if i posted roll and I want dip. So don't post roll? Seems logical. I can just sneak out the back door, stop posting and start dipping, life returns to normal and all my problems are either solved or at the very least solvable. Think again. I followed the advise given here and began hoarding digits...so yeah, by 9ish my phone was going absolutely crazy. Here I am at work, getting the guys started and I'm about half frantic already and my phone starts going off. I answered and replied when I could, but I'm pretty sure there are still tons of people I never even was able to respond to. It works. They somehow saved me from the other guy. GET DIGITS.
So anyway...here I am 35 days in and bouncing off the walls again. I thought it was geting easier and had a few good weeks there, but now I'm not sure if I even want to be quit again, but im sure I want to be quit. I'm positive I want a dip, but thats not what I really want. I'm tired of fog, I'm tired of wanting something thats never there, I'm just tired. I'm tired of fighting it. I'm not giving up, I'm just saying...I'm damn tired of quitting, but not tired of being quit. I posted roll this morning and I didn't really want to. I want this to end and be over, but I'm not sure it ever will be. It seems really easy for others, why is it so freakin hard for me? I'm ALWAYS AWARE that I don't have any copenhagen, it NEVER goes away. Maybe for like a few minutes I forget and then I remember and my heart sinks. I don't want to think about it, it's just "there". Like it's wearing me down a little at a time. My mind feels like mush from over concentrating all the time. It's destroying my work and livelyhood, I literally haven't the head to perform efficiently most days.
Sorry this isn't the happiest update in the world, but it's real. I'm still quit physically, but mentally I want absolutely nothing to do with this quit. I do not want to be quit anymore.
I'm proud to be quit with all of you, thanks for listening.
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35 days quit today. The past several days have been a nightmare. I can hardly tell a lot of difference between now and day 1. There are differences, just subtle ones.Yesterday was the first day ever I was late for roll. Not becuase o any crisis or emergency, because of cleverness. I knew I wouldn't break my word if i posted roll and I want dip. So don't post roll? Seems logical. I can just sneak out the back door, stop posting and start dipping, life returns to normal and all my problems are either solved or at the very least solvable. Think again. I followed the advise given here and began hoarding digits...so yeah, by 9ish my phone was going absolutely crazy. Here I am at work, getting the guys started and I'm about half frantic already and my phone starts going off. I answered and replied when I could, but I'm pretty sure there are still tons of people I never even was able to respond to. It works. They somehow saved me from the other guy. GET DIGITS.
So anyway...here I am 35 days in and bouncing off the walls again. I thought it was geting easier and had a few good weeks there, but now I'm not sure if I even want to be quit again, but im sure I want to be quit. I'm positive I want a dip, but thats not what I really want. I'm tired of fog, I'm tired of wanting something thats never there, I'm just tired. I'm tired of fighting it. I'm not giving up, I'm just saying...I'm damn tired of quitting, but not tired of being quit. I posted roll this morning and I didn't really want to. I want this to end and be over, but I'm not sure it ever will be. It seems really easy for others, why is it so freakin hard for me? I'm ALWAYS AWARE that I don't have any copenhagen, it NEVER goes away. Maybe for like a few minutes I forget and then I remember and my heart sinks. I don't want to think about it, it's just "there". Like it's wearing me down a little at a time. My mind feels like mush from over concentrating all the time. It's destroying my work and livelyhood, I literally haven't the head to perform efficiently most days.
Sorry this isn't the happiest update in the world, but it's real. I'm still quit physically, but mentally I want absolutely nothing to do with this quit. I do not want to be quit anymore.
I'm proud to be quit with all of you, thanks for listening.
Funks.
They're a real thing bro. You're right on track in the healing process... not that THAT helps in any way but... this is normal at the day counts you're on. I hit a massive wall in the 30s and it suuuucked ass. There is no magic formula other than the one you're doing... plowing through, plugging away, and using the people you have in your corner. Most important is that... the people who have your back.
You're not alone!
This will pass... I guarantee it.
And....better days are ahead.
Rock on, brother!
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35 days quit today. The past several days have been a nightmare. I can hardly tell a lot of difference between now and day 1. There are differences, just subtle ones.Yesterday was the first day ever I was late for roll. Not becuase o any crisis or emergency, because of cleverness. I knew I wouldn't break my word if i posted roll and I want dip. So don't post roll? Seems logical. I can just sneak out the back door, stop posting and start dipping, life returns to normal and all my problems are either solved or at the very least solvable. Think again. I followed the advise given here and began hoarding digits...so yeah, by 9ish my phone was going absolutely crazy. Here I am at work, getting the guys started and I'm about half frantic already and my phone starts going off. I answered and replied when I could, but I'm pretty sure there are still tons of people I never even was able to respond to. It works. They somehow saved me from the other guy. GET DIGITS.
So anyway...here I am 35 days in and bouncing off the walls again. I thought it was geting easier and had a few good weeks there, but now I'm not sure if I even want to be quit again, but im sure I want to be quit. I'm positive I want a dip, but thats not what I really want. I'm tired of fog, I'm tired of wanting something thats never there, I'm just tired. I'm tired of fighting it. I'm not giving up, I'm just saying...I'm damn tired of quitting, but not tired of being quit. I posted roll this morning and I didn't really want to. I want this to end and be over, but I'm not sure it ever will be. It seems really easy for others, why is it so freakin hard for me? I'm ALWAYS AWARE that I don't have any copenhagen, it NEVER goes away. Maybe for like a few minutes I forget and then I remember and my heart sinks. I don't want to think about it, it's just "there". Like it's wearing me down a little at a time. My mind feels like mush from over concentrating all the time. It's destroying my work and livelyhood, I literally haven't the head to perform efficiently most days.
Sorry this isn't the happiest update in the world, but it's real. I'm still quit physically, but mentally I want absolutely nothing to do with this quit. I do not want to be quit anymore.
I'm proud to be quit with all of you, thanks for listening.
Funks.
They're a real thing bro. You're right on track in the healing process... not that THAT helps in any way but... this is normal at the day counts you're on. I hit a massive wall in the 30s and it suuuucked ass. There is no magic formula other than the one you're doing... plowing through, plugging away, and using the people you have in your corner. Most important is that... the people who have your back.
You're not alone!
This will pass... I guarantee it.
And....better days are ahead.
Rock on, brother!
What he said ^^^ remember be the boss! This is your quit, own it! We're all right here with you in your corner. You're doing great. I know that may sound stupid to you but we've all been there and struggled just like you are but like you we chose to stay quit. Keep up the good fight and I guarantee you it will be worth every sucky moment. Damn proud to be quitting with you today!
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35 days quit today. The past several days have been a nightmare. I can hardly tell a lot of difference between now and day 1. There are differences, just subtle ones.Yesterday was the first day ever I was late for roll. Not becuase o any crisis or emergency, because of cleverness. I knew I wouldn't break my word if i posted roll and I want dip. So don't post roll? Seems logical. I can just sneak out the back door, stop posting and start dipping, life returns to normal and all my problems are either solved or at the very least solvable. Think again. I followed the advise given here and began hoarding digits...so yeah, by 9ish my phone was going absolutely crazy. Here I am at work, getting the guys started and I'm about half frantic already and my phone starts going off. I answered and replied when I could, but I'm pretty sure there are still tons of people I never even was able to respond to. It works. They somehow saved me from the other guy. GET DIGITS.
So anyway...here I am 35 days in and bouncing off the walls again. I thought it was geting easier and had a few good weeks there, but now I'm not sure if I even want to be quit again, but im sure I want to be quit. I'm positive I want a dip, but thats not what I really want. I'm tired of fog, I'm tired of wanting something thats never there, I'm just tired. I'm tired of fighting it. I'm not giving up, I'm just saying...I'm damn tired of quitting, but not tired of being quit. I posted roll this morning and I didn't really want to. I want this to end and be over, but I'm not sure it ever will be. It seems really easy for others, why is it so freakin hard for me? I'm ALWAYS AWARE that I don't have any copenhagen, it NEVER goes away. Maybe for like a few minutes I forget and then I remember and my heart sinks. I don't want to think about it, it's just "there". Like it's wearing me down a little at a time. My mind feels like mush from over concentrating all the time. It's destroying my work and livelyhood, I literally haven't the head to perform efficiently most days.
Sorry this isn't the happiest update in the world, but it's real. I'm still quit physically, but mentally I want absolutely nothing to do with this quit. I do not want to be quit anymore.
I'm proud to be quit with all of you, thanks for listening.
Funks.
They're a real thing bro. You're right on track in the healing process... not that THAT helps in any way but... this is normal at the day counts you're on. I hit a massive wall in the 30s and it suuuucked ass. There is no magic formula other than the one you're doing... plowing through, plugging away, and using the people you have in your corner. Most important is that... the people who have your back.
You're not alone!
This will pass... I guarantee it.
And....better days are ahead.
Rock on, brother!
What he said ^^^ remember be the boss! This is your quit, own it! We're all right here with you in your corner. You're doing great. I know that may sound stupid to you but we've all been there and struggled just like you are but like you we chose to stay quit. Keep up the good fight and I guarantee you it will be worth every sucky moment. Damn proud to be quitting with you today!
Yeah, you want to be aware that you don't have any Copenhagen. You want to wake up in the morning and tell that bitch that you know where she is, and you aren't going there today.
It's a daily battle. As I approach a year quit, it's much easier, but it's still a daily battle.
Stay close to this site. Stay close to those who are beginning their quit. You can help them, and they will help you even more.
It's a daily battle. That's why we take it one day at a time.
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35 days quit today. The past several days have been a nightmare. I can hardly tell a lot of difference between now and day 1. There are differences, just subtle ones.Yesterday was the first day ever I was late for roll. Not becuase o any crisis or emergency, because of cleverness. I knew I wouldn't break my word if i posted roll and I want dip. So don't post roll? Seems logical. I can just sneak out the back door, stop posting and start dipping, life returns to normal and all my problems are either solved or at the very least solvable. Think again. I followed the advise given here and began hoarding digits...so yeah, by 9ish my phone was going absolutely crazy. Here I am at work, getting the guys started and I'm about half frantic already and my phone starts going off. I answered and replied when I could, but I'm pretty sure there are still tons of people I never even was able to respond to. It works. They somehow saved me from the other guy. GET DIGITS.
So anyway...here I am 35 days in and bouncing off the walls again. I thought it was geting easier and had a few good weeks there, but now I'm not sure if I even want to be quit again, but im sure I want to be quit. I'm positive I want a dip, but thats not what I really want. I'm tired of fog, I'm tired of wanting something thats never there, I'm just tired. I'm tired of fighting it. I'm not giving up, I'm just saying...I'm damn tired of quitting, but not tired of being quit. I posted roll this morning and I didn't really want to. I want this to end and be over, but I'm not sure it ever will be. It seems really easy for others, why is it so freakin hard for me? I'm ALWAYS AWARE that I don't have any copenhagen, it NEVER goes away. Maybe for like a few minutes I forget and then I remember and my heart sinks. I don't want to think about it, it's just "there". Like it's wearing me down a little at a time. My mind feels like mush from over concentrating all the time. It's destroying my work and livelyhood, I literally haven't the head to perform efficiently most days.
Sorry this isn't the happiest update in the world, but it's real. I'm still quit physically, but mentally I want absolutely nothing to do with this quit. I do not want to be quit anymore.
I'm proud to be quit with all of you, thanks for listening.
Funks.
They're a real thing bro. You're right on track in the healing process... not that THAT helps in any way but... this is normal at the day counts you're on. I hit a massive wall in the 30s and it suuuucked ass. There is no magic formula other than the one you're doing... plowing through, plugging away, and using the people you have in your corner. Most important is that... the people who have your back.
You're not alone!
This will pass... I guarantee it.
And....better days are ahead.
Rock on, brother!
What he said ^^^ remember be the boss! This is your quit, own it! We're all right here with you in your corner. You're doing great. I know that may sound stupid to you but we've all been there and struggled just like you are but like you we chose to stay quit. Keep up the good fight and I guarantee you it will be worth every sucky moment. Damn proud to be quitting with you today!
Yeah, you want to be aware that you don't have any Copenhagen. You want to wake up in the morning and tell that bitch that you know where she is, and you aren't going there today.
It's a daily battle. As I approach a year quit, it's much easier, but it's still a daily battle.
Stay close to this site. Stay close to those who are beginning their quit. You can help them, and they will help you even more.
It's a daily battle. That's why we take it one day at a time.
^^^ what they said is gold.
It's a long road...glad you don't have to travel it alone.
Be thankful for every thought that enters your head. Whether it be what you want or not, they are there for a reason. They WILL make you stronger willed. You need the reminders that you are an addict....they come as funks, craves, however they show themselves, they may save you.
IQWYT and proud to do it.
-
35 days quit today. The past several days have been a nightmare. I can hardly tell a lot of difference between now and day 1. There are differences, just subtle ones.Yesterday was the first day ever I was late for roll. Not becuase o any crisis or emergency, because of cleverness. I knew I wouldn't break my word if i posted roll and I want dip. So don't post roll? Seems logical. I can just sneak out the back door, stop posting and start dipping, life returns to normal and all my problems are either solved or at the very least solvable. Think again. I followed the advise given here and began hoarding digits...so yeah, by 9ish my phone was going absolutely crazy. Here I am at work, getting the guys started and I'm about half frantic already and my phone starts going off. I answered and replied when I could, but I'm pretty sure there are still tons of people I never even was able to respond to. It works. They somehow saved me from the other guy. GET DIGITS.
So anyway...here I am 35 days in and bouncing off the walls again. I thought it was geting easier and had a few good weeks there, but now I'm not sure if I even want to be quit again, but im sure I want to be quit. I'm positive I want a dip, but thats not what I really want. I'm tired of fog, I'm tired of wanting something thats never there, I'm just tired. I'm tired of fighting it. I'm not giving up, I'm just saying...I'm damn tired of quitting, but not tired of being quit. I posted roll this morning and I didn't really want to. I want this to end and be over, but I'm not sure it ever will be. It seems really easy for others, why is it so freakin hard for me? I'm ALWAYS AWARE that I don't have any copenhagen, it NEVER goes away. Maybe for like a few minutes I forget and then I remember and my heart sinks. I don't want to think about it, it's just "there". Like it's wearing me down a little at a time. My mind feels like mush from over concentrating all the time. It's destroying my work and livelyhood, I literally haven't the head to perform efficiently most days.
Sorry this isn't the happiest update in the world, but it's real. I'm still quit physically, but mentally I want absolutely nothing to do with this quit. I do not want to be quit anymore.
I'm proud to be quit with all of you, thanks for listening.
Funks.
They're a real thing bro. You're right on track in the healing process... not that THAT helps in any way but... this is normal at the day counts you're on. I hit a massive wall in the 30s and it suuuucked ass. There is no magic formula other than the one you're doing... plowing through, plugging away, and using the people you have in your corner. Most important is that... the people who have your back.
You're not alone!
This will pass... I guarantee it.
And....better days are ahead.
Rock on, brother!
What he said ^^^ remember be the boss! This is your quit, own it! We're all right here with you in your corner. You're doing great. I know that may sound stupid to you but we've all been there and struggled just like you are but like you we chose to stay quit. Keep up the good fight and I guarantee you it will be worth every sucky moment. Damn proud to be quitting with you today!
Yeah, you want to be aware that you don't have any Copenhagen. You want to wake up in the morning and tell that bitch that you know where she is, and you aren't going there today.
It's a daily battle. As I approach a year quit, it's much easier, but it's still a daily battle.
Stay close to this site. Stay close to those who are beginning their quit. You can help them, and they will help you even more.
It's a daily battle. That's why we take it one day at a time.
^^^ what they said is gold.
It's a long road...glad you don't have to travel it alone.
Be thankful for every thought that enters your head. Whether it be what you want or not, they are there for a reason. They WILL make you stronger willed. You need the reminders that you are an addict....they come as funks, craves, however they show themselves, they may save you.
IQWYT and proud to do it.
That is a solid intro man! 36 days is badass, so don't forget to recognize how far that you have come. What people are saying about what you are feeling being normal is no lie but I know it is not any comfort to know that. I am going to take a risk and challenge you a bit, given that I do not know you. What are your plans for "the other guy", you have tied up in the other room? What I mean is as long as you keep him close and keep checking on him, he will keep searching for those conditions that it will be alright for you to cave. About four weeks into my quit, someone challenged me to declare that I had burned the boats. I thought I had, what are they talking about, I have been quit for thirty days and I ain't going back. Then why are the boats still sitting there? I was mad but then I thought about it. I had a real sick love affair with nicotine, and I was really torn between taking back my life and letting a selfish habit poison me to death in front of my family. I had to start asking myself some tough questions. What if I got cancer today and then it didn't matter, I had already ruined my health, would I feel sorry for myself and dip? What if I lost my job? What if my whole family died? These were not easy questions, but all of a sudden I could see all these boats on my shore. Truth is I was spending a lot of time taking care of them on the beach, which kept me from figuring out how to live on the island. Maybe this is like you with "the other guy" tied up in the other room.
Quitting has to be 100% for yourself and really freedom does not come until you decide, "Hell NO, I ain't ever going back!". Not because I had a bad day, not for one more time just for old time sake, not because I forgot to post roll, not even if the most horrible thing happened to me. I may have failed in the past but I am going to quit or die trying!
Once you decide and make sure there is no way back, which is what your promise does in here by the way, then you can be free to figure out how to live with out it. "The other guy" is a coward and he is tricky but the truth is he cant make you do anything you don't want to do. He is wearing you down because he is searching for that condition that will make you cave. Once there is a condition then it just becomes a negotiation. Tell him there is no way and no how and then tell him to leave! You have a lot of support in here and you are wise to lean on it. Just keep deciding one day at a time that you won't dip, promise to you others in here and the rest will take care of itself.
-
My 50s were your 30s. I just remember being so damn tired of quitting. I still had anxiety and craves and headaches and I just remember being so tired of it all, tired of thinking about it. All the great advice has been dispensed already. Just plough through this phase - because it is just a phase.
-
Thank you for quitting with me again today. Proud to get another one with you
-
Thank you for quitting with me again today. Proud to get another one with you
Mike, we're going all the way bro. Love ya man. Really, you've been a blessing.
-
Day 49....
So I've had a hell of a time with this quit business. I've done more kicking and screaming and cussing than any one man ought to...last night I had a revelation/mental break through. I'd like to share it.
single/?p=11384517t=30106725 (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11384517&t=30106725)
"Last night I spent a lot of time on the phone with Briang. I love that guy. He has some incredible insight and wisdom and he helped me see the light. Here's the deal...
I'm 49 days quit today, tis true, I've not had a dip in 49 freakin days (!??!)...BUT, this is my day 1. That's right I'm back to day 1. I told you my quit was weird or different somehow and I've figured it out. My quit isn't a damn bit different than anyones except for the fact I'm not a real quitter till today. When I came to this place it was by accident, I never planned on quitting at all that day (1?), I just clicked that stupid link out of curiousity and within 20-30 mins cmark had me dumping a can and pissing in it (I didnt really piss in it). I didn't want to quit that day, like that. I wanted to quit deep down inside though and I KNEW this place was my chance so I threw caution to the wind and said F it I'm doing it. The next thing I did was start cussing myself for making such a hasty decision and getting myself into a situation like KTC. Then I started cussing everyone here...and for 49 days I've been stuck on that day 1 decision. The other guy....(THANK YOU FOR REMINDIND ME SAMRS!!!)...I'm kicking his ass right now. My quit has not been harder than any of yalls, my torment has had more to do with this inner struggle of am I going to quit or am I not. Like Brian said, tobacco was not really off the table. I've never really been all in since I foud this place, I just desperately held on somehow. So most of my problem has been an inner turmoil over do I want to be here or not. The mental battles have had more to do with that than cravings. Idk if I'm explaining this very well?
In fact, I feel I should also confess this to the group (I have already voiced it to a few peeps in here), day before yesterday when I held roll hostage, I went that night and bought a can of copenhagen. Yeah. Wtf?! I never opened it. I looked at it and just cried like a stupid little baby and I turned the mental anguish I was feeling towards whoever was brave enuf to be texting me at the time. Again, I am sorry for talking to those of you the way that I did. I cant take it back, but I cant try to make up for it. That can is in the other vehicle at the shop, still un opened and I've even told my wife. Either her or I will be throwing it away. Tobacco IS NOT AN OPTION. I will find another way to cope with normal life problems.
I said all that to say this. I'm all in now. I'm sack'n up, growing up and I've made my mind up. Tobacco is not an option. I WILL BE GOING TO HOF WITH YOU GUYS. I promised Brian last night that I would go to 100. I'm promising you all now as well, I'm going to day 100 with you come hell or high water and Good Lord willin.
I apologize to the entire group for my wishy washy stupid addict attitude and for my irrational behaviour. I respect the hell out of each and EVERY ONE of you. I have tried to blame everyone but myself for me being in this situation and I'm done with that crap. It's all me and all my fault and it sure as heck isn't any of yalls fault. I'm the guy. I accept full responsibility. It's time to grow up and be a bad ass quitter for real.
Thank you to everyone who has strived with my dumb ass for 49 days."
I wanted to share that ^^here because that 100 day promise goes to everyone at KTC. I can't thank you all enough for the words of wisdom and insight and what must be extreme patience...were it not for you all I would never have gotten this far. I'm sure there will be hard times still to come, but I'm equally as sure that I can handle them WITHOUT CHEW.
New quitters reading this (old ones too)...I hope really hope this encourages you to go all in with your quit, NOW, regardless what day it is. Please feel free to PM me anytime, I'll share my digits with you and would be happy to talk. Please feel free to read over the April 17' groups early comments and you will see one crazy dude (understatement of the century) over chew. If I can do it, surely you can kill the can too. Talk to me and I'll share some of my worst moments with you and how I'm managing to get through them by using the KTC tools/people.
-
35 days quit today. The past several days have been a nightmare. I can hardly tell a lot of difference between now and day 1. There are differences, just subtle ones.Yesterday was the first day ever I was late for roll. Not becuase o any crisis or emergency, because of cleverness. I knew I wouldn't break my word if i posted roll and I want dip. So don't post roll? Seems logical. I can just sneak out the back door, stop posting and start dipping, life returns to normal and all my problems are either solved or at the very least solvable. Think again. I followed the advise given here and began hoarding digits...so yeah, by 9ish my phone was going absolutely crazy. Here I am at work, getting the guys started and I'm about half frantic already and my phone starts going off. I answered and replied when I could, but I'm pretty sure there are still tons of people I never even was able to respond to. It works. They somehow saved me from the other guy. GET DIGITS.
So anyway...here I am 35 days in and bouncing off the walls again. I thought it was geting easier and had a few good weeks there, but now I'm not sure if I even want to be quit again, but im sure I want to be quit. I'm positive I want a dip, but thats not what I really want. I'm tired of fog, I'm tired of wanting something thats never there, I'm just tired. I'm tired of fighting it. I'm not giving up, I'm just saying...I'm damn tired of quitting, but not tired of being quit. I posted roll this morning and I didn't really want to. I want this to end and be over, but I'm not sure it ever will be. It seems really easy for others, why is it so freakin hard for me? I'm ALWAYS AWARE that I don't have any copenhagen, it NEVER goes away. Maybe for like a few minutes I forget and then I remember and my heart sinks. I don't want to think about it, it's just "there". Like it's wearing me down a little at a time. My mind feels like mush from over concentrating all the time. It's destroying my work and livelyhood, I literally haven't the head to perform efficiently most days.
Sorry this isn't the happiest update in the world, but it's real. I'm still quit physically, but mentally I want absolutely nothing to do with this quit. I do not want to be quit anymore.
I'm proud to be quit with all of you, thanks for listening.
Funks.
They're a real thing bro. You're right on track in the healing process... not that THAT helps in any way but... this is normal at the day counts you're on. I hit a massive wall in the 30s and it suuuucked ass. There is no magic formula other than the one you're doing... plowing through, plugging away, and using the people you have in your corner. Most important is that... the people who have your back.
You're not alone!
This will pass... I guarantee it.
And....better days are ahead.
Rock on, brother!
What he said ^^^ remember be the boss! This is your quit, own it! We're all right here with you in your corner. You're doing great. I know that may sound stupid to you but we've all been there and struggled just like you are but like you we chose to stay quit. Keep up the good fight and I guarantee you it will be worth every sucky moment. Damn proud to be quitting with you today!
Yeah, you want to be aware that you don't have any Copenhagen. You want to wake up in the morning and tell that bitch that you know where she is, and you aren't going there today.
It's a daily battle. As I approach a year quit, it's much easier, but it's still a daily battle.
Stay close to this site. Stay close to those who are beginning their quit. You can help them, and they will help you even more.
It's a daily battle. That's why we take it one day at a time.
^^^ what they said is gold.
It's a long road...glad you don't have to travel it alone.
Be thankful for every thought that enters your head. Whether it be what you want or not, they are there for a reason. They WILL make you stronger willed. You need the reminders that you are an addict....they come as funks, craves, however they show themselves, they may save you.
IQWYT and proud to do it.
That is a solid intro man! 36 days is badass, so don't forget to recognize how far that you have come. What people are saying about what you are feeling being normal is no lie but I know it is not any comfort to know that. I am going to take a risk and challenge you a bit, given that I do not know you. What are your plans for "the other guy", you have tied up in the other room? What I mean is as long as you keep him close and keep checking on him, he will keep searching for those conditions that it will be alright for you to cave. About four weeks into my quit, someone challenged me to declare that I had burned the boats. I thought I had, what are they talking about, I have been quit for thirty days and I ain't going back. Then why are the boats still sitting there? I was mad but then I thought about it. I had a real sick love affair with nicotine, and I was really torn between taking back my life and letting a selfish habit poison me to death in front of my family. I had to start asking myself some tough questions. What if I got cancer today and then it didn't matter, I had already ruined my health, would I feel sorry for myself and dip? What if I lost my job? What if my whole family died? These were not easy questions, but all of a sudden I could see all these boats on my shore. Truth is I was spending a lot of time taking care of them on the beach, which kept me from figuring out how to live on the island. Maybe this is like you with "the other guy" tied up in the other room.
Quitting has to be 100% for yourself and really freedom does not come until you decide, "Hell NO, I ain't ever going back!". Not because I had a bad day, not for one more time just for old time sake, not because I forgot to post roll, not even if the most horrible thing happened to me. I may have failed in the past but I am going to quit or die trying!
Once you decide and make sure there is no way back, which is what your promise does in here by the way, then you can be free to figure out how to live with out it. "The other guy" is a coward and he is tricky but the truth is he cant make you do anything you don't want to do. He is wearing you down because he is searching for that condition that will make you cave. Once there is a condition then it just becomes a negotiation. Tell him there is no way and no how and then tell him to leave! You have a lot of support in here and you are wise to lean on it. Just keep deciding one day at a time that you won't dip, promise to you others in here and the rest will take care of itself.
Burn the boat with the other guy in it. Hell yeah. It's MY LIFE. Thanks for the great insight. I have been sitting here reading back over all this advise today and this is bigger than the library of congress. Epic words of wisdom and experience here for anyone who wants to apply them.
-
Day 49....
So I've had a hell of a time with this quit business. I've done more kicking and screaming and cussing than any one man ought to...last night I had a revelation/mental break through. I'd like to share it.
single/?p=11384517t=30106725 (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11384517&t=30106725)
"Last night I spent a lot of time on the phone with Briang. I love that guy. He has some incredible insight and wisdom and he helped me see the light. Here's the deal...
I'm 49 days quit today, tis true, I've not had a dip in 49 freakin days (!??!)...BUT, this is my day 1. That's right I'm back to day 1. I told you my quit was weird or different somehow and I've figured it out. My quit isn't a damn bit different than anyones except for the fact I'm not a real quitter till today. When I came to this place it was by accident, I never planned on quitting at all that day (1?), I just clicked that stupid link out of curiousity and within 20-30 mins cmark had me dumping a can and pissing in it (I didnt really piss in it). I didn't want to quit that day, like that. I wanted to quit deep down inside though and I KNEW this place was my chance so I threw caution to the wind and said F it I'm doing it. The next thing I did was start cussing myself for making such a hasty decision and getting myself into a situation like KTC. Then I started cussing everyone here...and for 49 days I've been stuck on that day 1 decision. The other guy....(THANK YOU FOR REMINDIND ME SAMRS!!!)...I'm kicking his ass right now. My quit has not been harder than any of yalls, my torment has had more to do with this inner struggle of am I going to quit or am I not. Like Brian said, tobacco was not really off the table. I've never really been all in since I foud this place, I just desperately held on somehow. So most of my problem has been an inner turmoil over do I want to be here or not. The mental battles have had more to do with that than cravings. Idk if I'm explaining this very well?
In fact, I feel I should also confess this to the group (I have already voiced it to a few peeps in here), day before yesterday when I held roll hostage, I went that night and bought a can of copenhagen. Yeah. Wtf?! I never opened it. I looked at it and just cried like a stupid little baby and I turned the mental anguish I was feeling towards whoever was brave enuf to be texting me at the time. Again, I am sorry for talking to those of you the way that I did. I cant take it back, but I cant try to make up for it. That can is in the other vehicle at the shop, still un opened and I've even told my wife. Either her or I will be throwing it away. Tobacco IS NOT AN OPTION. I will find another way to cope with normal life problems.
I said all that to say this. I'm all in now. I'm sack'n up, growing up and I've made my mind up. Tobacco is not an option. I WILL BE GOING TO HOF WITH YOU GUYS. I promised Brian last night that I would go to 100. I'm promising you all now as well, I'm going to day 100 with you come hell or high water and Good Lord willin.
I apologize to the entire group for my wishy washy stupid addict attitude and for my irrational behaviour. I respect the hell out of each and EVERY ONE of you. I have tried to blame everyone but myself for me being in this situation and I'm done with that crap. It's all me and all my fault and it sure as heck isn't any of yalls fault. I'm the guy. I accept full responsibility. It's time to grow up and be a bad ass quitter for real.
Thank you to everyone who has strived with my dumb ass for 49 days."
I wanted to share that ^^here because that 100 day promise goes to everyone at KTC. I can't thank you all enough for the words of wisdom and insight and what must be extreme patience...were it not for you all I would never have gotten this far. I'm sure there will be hard times still to come, but I'm equally as sure that I can handle them WITHOUT CHEW.
New quitters reading this (old ones too)...I hope really hope this encourages you to go all in with your quit, NOW, regardless what day it is. Please feel free to PM me anytime, I'll share my digits with you and would be happy to talk. Please feel free to read over the April 17' groups early comments and you will see one crazy dude (understatement of the century) over chew. If I can do it, surely you can kill the can too. Talk to me and I'll share some of my worst moments with you and how I'm managing to get through them by using the KTC tools/people.
Richard,
I am really proud of you. You are now allowed to enjoy this quit, you are allowed to help others, you are allowed to rage, allowed to vent. I think most of all you allowed yourself to quit with us.
If you could see the smile on my face.
Tony
-
Richard - first time reading your story...feels a lot like what I've been dealing with. I'm only on day 6, but it's been hell. I've dug into that side pocket of my work backpack a handful of times, hoping a half empty can might be there. But it never was, and I'm glad it wasn't. I've been struggling with the "am I really all-in or not?" type of thing for the past 6 days. It's tough man. I still don't know how so many on KTC have done it. Reading your story, I'm thinking I'm ready to go all in, and try to forget about the dip. But seriously, a 100 times a day I'm thinking I should just hit the kum-n-go on the way home and grab a can. I've been driving the long way home to avoid that damn kum-n-go. Anyways, was good to read your story and your struggle. Keep quitting brother.
-
Day 49....
So I've had a hell of a time with this quit business. I've done more kicking and screaming and cussing than any one man ought to...last night I had a revelation/mental break through. I'd like to share it.
single/?p=11384517t=30106725 (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11384517&t=30106725)
"Last night I spent a lot of time on the phone with Briang. I love that guy. He has some incredible insight and wisdom and he helped me see the light. Here's the deal...
I'm 49 days quit today, tis true, I've not had a dip in 49 freakin days (!??!)...BUT, this is my day 1. That's right I'm back to day 1. I told you my quit was weird or different somehow and I've figured it out. My quit isn't a damn bit different than anyones except for the fact I'm not a real quitter till today. When I came to this place it was by accident, I never planned on quitting at all that day (1?), I just clicked that stupid link out of curiousity and within 20-30 mins cmark had me dumping a can and pissing in it (I didnt really piss in it). I didn't want to quit that day, like that. I wanted to quit deep down inside though and I KNEW this place was my chance so I threw caution to the wind and said F it I'm doing it. The next thing I did was start cussing myself for making such a hasty decision and getting myself into a situation like KTC. Then I started cussing everyone here...and for 49 days I've been stuck on that day 1 decision. The other guy....(THANK YOU FOR REMINDIND ME SAMRS!!!)...I'm kicking his ass right now. My quit has not been harder than any of yalls, my torment has had more to do with this inner struggle of am I going to quit or am I not. Like Brian said, tobacco was not really off the table. I've never really been all in since I foud this place, I just desperately held on somehow. So most of my problem has been an inner turmoil over do I want to be here or not. The mental battles have had more to do with that than cravings. Idk if I'm explaining this very well?
In fact, I feel I should also confess this to the group (I have already voiced it to a few peeps in here), day before yesterday when I held roll hostage, I went that night and bought a can of copenhagen. Yeah. Wtf?! I never opened it. I looked at it and just cried like a stupid little baby and I turned the mental anguish I was feeling towards whoever was brave enuf to be texting me at the time. Again, I am sorry for talking to those of you the way that I did. I cant take it back, but I cant try to make up for it. That can is in the other vehicle at the shop, still un opened and I've even told my wife. Either her or I will be throwing it away. Tobacco IS NOT AN OPTION. I will find another way to cope with normal life problems.
I said all that to say this. I'm all in now. I'm sack'n up, growing up and I've made my mind up. Tobacco is not an option. I WILL BE GOING TO HOF WITH YOU GUYS. I promised Brian last night that I would go to 100. I'm promising you all now as well, I'm going to day 100 with you come hell or high water and Good Lord willin.
I apologize to the entire group for my wishy washy stupid addict attitude and for my irrational behaviour. I respect the hell out of each and EVERY ONE of you. I have tried to blame everyone but myself for me being in this situation and I'm done with that crap. It's all me and all my fault and it sure as heck isn't any of yalls fault. I'm the guy. I accept full responsibility. It's time to grow up and be a bad ass quitter for real.
Thank you to everyone who has strived with my dumb ass for 49 days."
I wanted to share that ^^here because that 100 day promise goes to everyone at KTC. I can't thank you all enough for the words of wisdom and insight and what must be extreme patience...were it not for you all I would never have gotten this far. I'm sure there will be hard times still to come, but I'm equally as sure that I can handle them WITHOUT CHEW.
New quitters reading this (old ones too)...I hope really hope this encourages you to go all in with your quit, NOW, regardless what day it is. Please feel free to PM me anytime, I'll share my digits with you and would be happy to talk. Please feel free to read over the April 17' groups early comments and you will see one crazy dude (understatement of the century) over chew. If I can do it, surely you can kill the can too. Talk to me and I'll share some of my worst moments with you and how I'm managing to get through them by using the KTC tools/people.
Richard,
I am really proud of you. You are now allowed to enjoy this quit, you are allowed to help others, you are allowed to rage, allowed to vent. I think most of all you allowed yourself to quit with us.
If you could see the smile on my face.
Tony
I can almost see it from here!
-
Richard - first time reading your story...feels a lot like what I've been dealing with. I'm only on day 6, but it's been hell. I've dug into that side pocket of my work backpack a handful of times, hoping a half empty can might be there. But it never was, and I'm glad it wasn't. I've been struggling with the "am I really all-in or not?" type of thing for the past 6 days. It's tough man. I still don't know how so many on KTC have done it. Reading your story, I'm thinking I'm ready to go all in, and try to forget about the dip. But seriously, a 100 times a day I'm thinking I should just hit the kum-n-go on the way home and grab a can. I've been driving the long way home to avoid that damn kum-n-go. Anyways, was good to read your story and your struggle. Keep quitting brother.
I feel your pain. The struggle is real and you have my respect. Just keep pressing on. The only way I know of that all these peeps here have done it is each other. You stick around here and stay connected bro, you will make it. Get as many phone numbers as you possibly can, use them. Use the chat thats here, it helps give a distraction. I could have NEVER made it this far if it werent for the people here willing to help me.
Have you ever heard the parable/story about the mule in the well? This old mule falls in an old dry well and the farmer thinks the easiest way to solve the problem is fill in the well and bury the old mule in the process. So he gets some help and starts shoveling dirt in. Every shovel full that old mule just shook it off and stepped up. No matter how scary it was and how much it hurt he just kept shaking it off and steping up. Pretty soon he just stepped right out the top of that well.
Corny maybe, but thats how I'm trying to look at those hundred times a day thoughts, they are the very thing thats gonna get you out of this mess. Keep shaking them off and stepping up, pretty soon your days will be stacked up and you can just step out of your well.
I know it's hard. 6 days is an epic journey, don't turn back now brother. Keep taking the long way home. I sent you my digits, you can call my on your drive home if you need to every day till you find your own stride. Check your messages. Quit on bro, you can do this!
-
Richard, Proud of you for finally taking total control of you quit today!!!! Its a lifetime battle but you WILL succeed!!!! You have had your alpha/omega moment now and you know in your heart you are done!!!! Keep up the great work!!!
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All in! I'm with you!
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All in! I'm with you!
Thank you! I'm proud to have you in my corner. I like the way you think deeply about things and your insights into why people cave are priceless.
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Day 49....
So I've had a hell of a time with this quit business. I've done more kicking and screaming and cussing than any one man ought to...last night I had a revelation/mental break through. I'd like to share it.
single/?p=11384517t=30106725 (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11384517&t=30106725)
"Last night I spent a lot of time on the phone with Briang. I love that guy. He has some incredible insight and wisdom and he helped me see the light. Here's the deal...
I'm 49 days quit today, tis true, I've not had a dip in 49 freakin days (!??!)...BUT, this is my day 1. That's right I'm back to day 1. I told you my quit was weird or different somehow and I've figured it out. My quit isn't a damn bit different than anyones except for the fact I'm not a real quitter till today. When I came to this place it was by accident, I never planned on quitting at all that day (1?), I just clicked that stupid link out of curiousity and within 20-30 mins cmark had me dumping a can and pissing in it (I didnt really piss in it). I didn't want to quit that day, like that. I wanted to quit deep down inside though and I KNEW this place was my chance so I threw caution to the wind and said F it I'm doing it. The next thing I did was start cussing myself for making such a hasty decision and getting myself into a situation like KTC. Then I started cussing everyone here...and for 49 days I've been stuck on that day 1 decision. The other guy....(THANK YOU FOR REMINDIND ME SAMRS!!!)...I'm kicking his ass right now. My quit has not been harder than any of yalls, my torment has had more to do with this inner struggle of am I going to quit or am I not. Like Brian said, tobacco was not really off the table. I've never really been all in since I foud this place, I just desperately held on somehow. So most of my problem has been an inner turmoil over do I want to be here or not. The mental battles have had more to do with that than cravings. Idk if I'm explaining this very well?
In fact, I feel I should also confess this to the group (I have already voiced it to a few peeps in here), day before yesterday when I held roll hostage, I went that night and bought a can of copenhagen. Yeah. Wtf?! I never opened it. I looked at it and just cried like a stupid little baby and I turned the mental anguish I was feeling towards whoever was brave enuf to be texting me at the time. Again, I am sorry for talking to those of you the way that I did. I cant take it back, but I cant try to make up for it. That can is in the other vehicle at the shop, still un opened and I've even told my wife. Either her or I will be throwing it away. Tobacco IS NOT AN OPTION. I will find another way to cope with normal life problems.
I said all that to say this. I'm all in now. I'm sack'n up, growing up and I've made my mind up. Tobacco is not an option. I WILL BE GOING TO HOF WITH YOU GUYS. I promised Brian last night that I would go to 100. I'm promising you all now as well, I'm going to day 100 with you come hell or high water and Good Lord willin.
I apologize to the entire group for my wishy washy stupid addict attitude and for my irrational behaviour. I respect the hell out of each and EVERY ONE of you. I have tried to blame everyone but myself for me being in this situation and I'm done with that crap. It's all me and all my fault and it sure as heck isn't any of yalls fault. I'm the guy. I accept full responsibility. It's time to grow up and be a bad ass quitter for real.
Thank you to everyone who has strived with my dumb ass for 49 days."
I wanted to share that ^^here because that 100 day promise goes to everyone at KTC. I can't thank you all enough for the words of wisdom and insight and what must be extreme patience...were it not for you all I would never have gotten this far. I'm sure there will be hard times still to come, but I'm equally as sure that I can handle them WITHOUT CHEW.
New quitters reading this (old ones too)...I hope really hope this encourages you to go all in with your quit, NOW, regardless what day it is. Please feel free to PM me anytime, I'll share my digits with you and would be happy to talk. Please feel free to read over the April 17' groups early comments and you will see one crazy dude (understatement of the century) over chew. If I can do it, surely you can kill the can too. Talk to me and I'll share some of my worst moments with you and how I'm managing to get through them by using the KTC tools/people.
Richard,
I am really proud of you. You are now allowed to enjoy this quit, you are allowed to help others, you are allowed to rage, allowed to vent. I think most of all you allowed yourself to quit with us.
If you could see the smile on my face.
Tony
I can almost see it from here!
Richard - this post brings a smile to the face of this old quitter - I quit with you today - Quit Hard!
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Day 49....
So I've had a hell of a time with this quit business. I've done more kicking and screaming and cussing than any one man ought to...last night I had a revelation/mental break through. I'd like to share it.
single/?p=11384517t=30106725 (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11384517&t=30106725)
"Last night I spent a lot of time on the phone with Briang. I love that guy. He has some incredible insight and wisdom and he helped me see the light. Here's the deal...
I'm 49 days quit today, tis true, I've not had a dip in 49 freakin days (!??!)...BUT, this is my day 1. That's right I'm back to day 1. I told you my quit was weird or different somehow and I've figured it out. My quit isn't a damn bit different than anyones except for the fact I'm not a real quitter till today. When I came to this place it was by accident, I never planned on quitting at all that day (1?), I just clicked that stupid link out of curiousity and within 20-30 mins cmark had me dumping a can and pissing in it (I didnt really piss in it). I didn't want to quit that day, like that. I wanted to quit deep down inside though and I KNEW this place was my chance so I threw caution to the wind and said F it I'm doing it. The next thing I did was start cussing myself for making such a hasty decision and getting myself into a situation like KTC. Then I started cussing everyone here...and for 49 days I've been stuck on that day 1 decision. The other guy....(THANK YOU FOR REMINDIND ME SAMRS!!!)...I'm kicking his ass right now. My quit has not been harder than any of yalls, my torment has had more to do with this inner struggle of am I going to quit or am I not. Like Brian said, tobacco was not really off the table. I've never really been all in since I foud this place, I just desperately held on somehow. So most of my problem has been an inner turmoil over do I want to be here or not. The mental battles have had more to do with that than cravings. Idk if I'm explaining this very well?
In fact, I feel I should also confess this to the group (I have already voiced it to a few peeps in here), day before yesterday when I held roll hostage, I went that night and bought a can of copenhagen. Yeah. Wtf?! I never opened it. I looked at it and just cried like a stupid little baby and I turned the mental anguish I was feeling towards whoever was brave enuf to be texting me at the time. Again, I am sorry for talking to those of you the way that I did. I cant take it back, but I cant try to make up for it. That can is in the other vehicle at the shop, still un opened and I've even told my wife. Either her or I will be throwing it away. Tobacco IS NOT AN OPTION. I will find another way to cope with normal life problems.
I said all that to say this. I'm all in now. I'm sack'n up, growing up and I've made my mind up. Tobacco is not an option. I WILL BE GOING TO HOF WITH YOU GUYS. I promised Brian last night that I would go to 100. I'm promising you all now as well, I'm going to day 100 with you come hell or high water and Good Lord willin.
I apologize to the entire group for my wishy washy stupid addict attitude and for my irrational behaviour. I respect the hell out of each and EVERY ONE of you. I have tried to blame everyone but myself for me being in this situation and I'm done with that crap. It's all me and all my fault and it sure as heck isn't any of yalls fault. I'm the guy. I accept full responsibility. It's time to grow up and be a bad ass quitter for real.
Thank you to everyone who has strived with my dumb ass for 49 days."
I wanted to share that ^^here because that 100 day promise goes to everyone at KTC. I can't thank you all enough for the words of wisdom and insight and what must be extreme patience...were it not for you all I would never have gotten this far. I'm sure there will be hard times still to come, but I'm equally as sure that I can handle them WITHOUT CHEW.
New quitters reading this (old ones too)...I hope really hope this encourages you to go all in with your quit, NOW, regardless what day it is. Please feel free to PM me anytime, I'll share my digits with you and would be happy to talk. Please feel free to read over the April 17' groups early comments and you will see one crazy dude (understatement of the century) over chew. If I can do it, surely you can kill the can too. Talk to me and I'll share some of my worst moments with you and how I'm managing to get through them by using the KTC tools/people.
Richard,
I am really proud of you. You are now allowed to enjoy this quit, you are allowed to help others, you are allowed to rage, allowed to vent. I think most of all you allowed yourself to quit with us.
If you could see the smile on my face.
Tony
I can almost see it from here!
Richard - this post brings a smile to the face of this old quitter - I quit with you today - Quit Hard!
Way to go Richard! It's great you are looking forward to the HOF and helping April 17 get there. That's a hug milestone of quit. But I'm still satisfied with your promise to be quit for today.
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Day 50!
single/?p=11385916t=30106725 (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11385916&t=30106725)
"So...gotta share something with yall. This is half HOF day for me.
For 49 days I have woken up and within seconds my heart would sink. I would think of her right abut the time my feet hit the floor and cry for her all damn day. As you know I just decided to quit yesterday....well...this morning I'm just getting up, getting dressed and I think to myself, I gotta go pee and post roll....then I think damn son this is 50 days...I looked at my wife...and realized I was happy about it...really happy. I just hugged my wife and cried while I laughed, we laughed. Over emotional still? probably, but what the hell, I'm going with it. I'm finally happy and proud to be quit.
I never would have gotten this far without you guys. What samrs said yesterday about not being able to let down the fine folks here means something. While I looked at that can I bought I thought about that very thing. You guys. I couldn't do it. Of course that made me want to cuss you all out at the time, but still it was you that kept me from caving. I just wanted to let you all know that.
Quit on quitters. I'm so damn proud to be here today, I'm SO GLAD I didn't cave and I'm able to experience today.
God bless KTC."
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Day 50!
single/?p=11385916t=30106725 (http://forum.killthecan.org/single/?p=11385916&t=30106725)
"So...gotta share something with yall. This is half HOF day for me.
For 49 days I have woken up and within seconds my heart would sink. I would think of her right abut the time my feet hit the floor and cry for her all damn day. As you know I just decided to quit yesterday....well...this morning I'm just getting up, getting dressed and I think to myself, I gotta go pee and post roll....then I think damn son this is 50 days...I looked at my wife...and realized I was happy about it...really happy. I just hugged my wife and cried while I laughed, we laughed. Over emotional still? probably, but what the hell, I'm going with it. I'm finally happy and proud to be quit.
I never would have gotten this far without you guys. What samrs said yesterday about not being able to let down the fine folks here means something. While I looked at that can I bought I thought about that very thing. You guys. I couldn't do it. Of course that made me want to cuss you all out at the time, but still it was you that kept me from caving. I just wanted to let you all know that.
Quit on quitters. I'm so damn proud to be here today, I'm SO GLAD I didn't cave and I'm able to experience today.
God bless KTC."
Read your dual personalities Intro. I was, and am, right there with ya. I was so outta my head I dog cussed Siri because I was convinced she was just f'ing with me when she couldn't understand my search words. Whore! :) Your intro was inspirational and a great reminder of just how far we've all come, but also how far we have to keep going. So I'll promise to keep quitting as long as you promise to keep quitting. I don't know how to insert Gifs (https://media.giphy.com/media/qfigSv9FYPPuE/giphy.gif)