KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: PastyKidOriginal on October 27, 2015, 04:30:00 AM
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Hello all, my name is Kyle. I am 21 years old and currently in college. I was born and raised in the best state in the great US of A, Colorado. I'm sure that all of us have very similar stories that have lead us to all meet here on this website. this is mine;
A little back ground history. I've always been around smoking tobacco through my grandfather. He was a smoker for 40 years, which he has since quit, Praise the lord. I have always known the risks and what others think, specially my other family members. There would always be some sort of talk when ever he would leave the room to go outside. I know that we all love him just the habit that he was controlled by. But with this background information it will make sense later in my story, hopefully.
I was in high school on a trip to Virginia Beach for a wrestling tournament my sophomore year when I was first introduced to chewing tobacco. I was 16 and at the time I was too scared to put that black, life ruining shit into my mouth, due to the fear of what my family members would be whispering about me if they had only known what I was doing. But due to always being around it I kept thinking about chew ever since that trip and counted down the days until my 18th birthday to try it out for the first time. When my 18th birthday finally came and I knew what that would mean I would be able to try out what I have wondered about for so long but what I didn't know is that I would voluntarily destroy my mouth and choose death and a life of pain and suffering over the life God has given to me. This is also the day that I am giving up control over my actions to a chemical that I have seen others call the nic bitch.
I will always remember my first pinch, it was on a bright sunny day and I was going to mow a yard for an employer. On my way there I stopped by the grocery store and purchased a can of Copenhagen Wintergreen pouches, Yes I do know how all long cut dippers feel about pouches but chew is chew. Anyway, I was mowing the yard and put 1 in. It was the most glorious feeling that I had ever experienced, but we all know what that feels like. Sorry for that, but after that first pinch I was unable to put the can down. Going back to how my family feels about tobacco I was able to keep my habit a secret from my parents for about a year and a half. It wasn't until I was doing some sod removal at a neighbors house and thought I was safe and able to take a nice easy pinch to make my work day easier. My parents rolled up unexpected and found out the truth that I have been chewing since my 18th birthday. They were more accepting than what I was thinking when I imagined this situation going on over in my head.
Anyway enough of that. I will skip ahead to my return trip home my sophomore year. It was a 12 hour drive from college to my house in Colorado, and as someone who is controlled by the nic bitch I "had to" dip for that whole time. The next day I noticed a white spot where the chew had spent majority of the time during the trip. I had an appointment with the dentist the next day and was dreading yet another conversation. I walked in and after some small talk I told her that I was a dipper and have a white spot. turns out that it was just a sore from the tobacco aggravating my gums. That was the first time that I was "scared to quit" of course that didn't cause me to quit but she did point me towards this site. I looked through every available story that I could access while not being a member. I didn't want to quit at that point in my life but I vowed that I would be back when the day arose for me to quit.
Fast forward nearly 10 months. I am now in fall term of my junior year. I am needing to write an essay over behavioral change. I told my mom about the essay and she muttered "maybe you should do it over quitting tobacco" that instantly made me feel guilty for doing something that she did not approve of. I knew this ever since that day that she had rolled up and saw me try to dispose of the chew that was in my lower lip. Anyway her words made me think and I decided to go with it and write about how to change the behavior of a tobacco user. I first started looking through the research available to me via the school internet journal sources, but they just weren't giving me what I needed. I then remembered Killthecan.org. I decided to pull it back up and search for the information that I needed. I ended up reading more horror stories about those who thought they were untouchable and could dip without any consequences. This put made me reflect on myself and I signed up that Sunday night. I couldn't quite join a quit group yet, but I did set up a quit date 10/25/2015. I did follow along with that agreement that I made and I am here now, now for real. I skipped some other parts in my story where I think I have attempted to quit 5 major times and couldn't do it. Every time I would put the can down and say "never again" Well this time I am here, here with support, here with support from those who have been or are going through the exact same thing that I am. They know what it feels like and how to stay strong. This time I am saying "never again" and meaning every word!!!!!
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Fine decision Kyle. Proud of you for deciding to drop the shit while you're young. You are avoiding a whole world of shit by recognizing your addiction before letting it dictate how you behave in the workplace, in marriage, or as a parent.
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Great intro.
It dounds like you are a smart dude. Be sure to read up on your enemy. Nicotine suppresses oxygen levels in the blood and causes high blood pressure. It is also as addictive as heroin. But... You can win by being honest and posting each day, just as you have. Don't fight for a lifetime, just for a day. Make your family proud. Being a ninja is a terrible way to live. Winning at this will make you feel 10' tall.
If I can help - shoot me a pm. My number is yours for the asking. Welcome aboard!
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Welcome Kyle and thanks for sharing your story. You will get out of this site as much as you put in. In other words, the more you commit to your quit brethren, the more they will commit to you. The more committed quitters you have in your corner, the more likely you are to beat nicotine today. Simple formula for success. Post roll everyday, keep your promise, repeat tomorrow. It's not always easy, but it's far from impossible. Be a man of your word and quit like your life depends on it.
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Good on you for quitting. I will kick the habit with you!
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Kyle my friend, you got some badass supporters behind you already! Keep posting roll, make good on your word and you will always have support. Believe me, kicking this addiction one day at a time is a whole lot easier with other addicts! Damn proud of you! Quit on!
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Thanks guys for all the support. I have realized that this quit is different than the ones that I have attempted in the past. In the past I would have most likely given in like right this very moment. I am sitting in the lobby on day 3 waiting for my SUV to be released so I can go back to campus. I was told that I was looking at a 4 hour wait. If i knew that no one would care that I slipped up I would have a fat one in, but I know how the community feels here about helping others quit and that this site is for those who plan on quitting for good. That is my motivation as I am writing this to stay put and say once again 'Finger' to nicotine
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Thanks guys for all the support. I have realized that this quit is different than the ones that I have attempted in the past. In the past I would have most likely given in like right this very moment. I am sitting in the lobby on day 3 waiting for my SUV to be released so I can go back to campus. I was told that I was looking at a 4 hour wait. If i knew that no one would care that I slipped up I would have a fat one in, but I know how the community feels here about helping others quit and that this site is for those who plan on quitting for good. That is my motivation as I am writing this to stay put and say once again 'Finger' to nicotine
Good on you PKO. Just remember nicotine will not help get your car back any faster. What the hell happened by the way?
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Thanks guys for all the support. I have realized that this quit is different than the ones that I have attempted in the past. In the past I would have most likely given in like right this very moment. I am sitting in the lobby on day 3 waiting for my SUV to be released so I can go back to campus. I was told that I was looking at a 4 hour wait. If i knew that no one would care that I slipped up I would have a fat one in, but I know how the community feels here about helping others quit and that this site is for those who plan on quitting for good. That is my motivation as I am writing this to stay put and say once again 'Finger' to nicotine
Good on you PKO. Just remember nicotine will not help get your car back any faster. What the hell happened by the way?
I am taking it in for an oil change, tire rotation and a general check up so my sister can use it this weekend for a road trip with her friends. But I am so accustomed to putting in a pinch whenever I'm bored (this being a situation where I am bored).
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Thanks guys for all the support. I have realized that this quit is different than the ones that I have attempted in the past. In the past I would have most likely given in like right this very moment. I am sitting in the lobby on day 3 waiting for my SUV to be released so I can go back to campus. I was told that I was looking at a 4 hour wait. If i knew that no one would care that I slipped up I would have a fat one in, but I know how the community feels here about helping others quit and that this site is for those who plan on quitting for good. That is my motivation as I am writing this to stay put and say once again 'Finger' to nicotine
Good on you PKO. Just remember nicotine will not help get your car back any faster. What the hell happened by the way?
I am taking it in for an oil change, tire rotation and a general check up so my sister can use it this weekend for a road trip with her friends. But I am so accustomed to putting in a pinch whenever I'm bored (this being a situation where I am bored).
Sounded like it was impounded or something. That would've been a better (but much more expensive) story. Get a Sudoku book to stay busy. Or darn some mittens. Just keep that crap out of your face. You've got this, you're in the right spot.
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Thanks guys for all the support. I have realized that this quit is different than the ones that I have attempted in the past. In the past I would have most likely given in like right this very moment. I am sitting in the lobby on day 3 waiting for my SUV to be released so I can go back to campus. I was told that I was looking at a 4 hour wait. If i knew that no one would care that I slipped up I would have a fat one in, but I know how the community feels here about helping others quit and that this site is for those who plan on quitting for good. That is my motivation as I am writing this to stay put and say once again 'Finger' to nicotine
Good on you PKO. Just remember nicotine will not help get your car back any faster. What the hell happened by the way?
I am taking it in for an oil change, tire rotation and a general check up so my sister can use it this weekend for a road trip with her friends. But I am so accustomed to putting in a pinch whenever I'm bored (this being a situation where I am bored).
Sounded like it was impounded or something. That would've been a better (but much more expensive) story. Get a Sudoku book to stay busy. Or darn some mittens. Just keep that crap out of your face. You've got this, you're in the right spot.
Ah nah, just a little maintenance. but it's just I need to stay strong, but especially about for the 3 minute period that the crave comes around where my body is trying to make me want to put that black shit back into my mouth.
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Thanks guys for all the support. I have realized that this quit is different than the ones that I have attempted in the past. In the past I would have most likely given in like right this very moment. I am sitting in the lobby on day 3 waiting for my SUV to be released so I can go back to campus. I was told that I was looking at a 4 hour wait. If i knew that no one would care that I slipped up I would have a fat one in, but I know how the community feels here about helping others quit and that this site is for those who plan on quitting for good. That is my motivation as I am writing this to stay put and say once again 'Finger' to nicotine
Good on you PKO. Just remember nicotine will not help get your car back any faster. What the hell happened by the way?
I am taking it in for an oil change, tire rotation and a general check up so my sister can use it this weekend for a road trip with her friends. But I am so accustomed to putting in a pinch whenever I'm bored (this being a situation where I am bored).
Sounded like it was impounded or something. That would've been a better (but much more expensive) story. Get a Sudoku book to stay busy. Or darn some mittens. Just keep that crap out of your face. You've got this, you're in the right spot.
Ah nah, just a little maintenance. but it's just I need to stay strong, but especially about for the 3 minute period that the crave comes around where my body is trying to make me want to put that black shit back into my mouth.
Pko , stay strong my friend! If it starts getting really tough, reach out to another brother or sister. The main thing to remember is learn all your tools provided for you here and use them! Damn proud of you! Quit on!
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Thanks Pab, I can just feel that the community here actually knows how it feels to quit. In previous "quitting attempts" no one around me knew what it was like being addicted to nicotine. no one understood what it was like to get mood swings due to the removal of that substance. But with all of these quitting brothers and tons of support this quit is different. This quit will be the last quit that I will ever need. This doesn't meant that it'll be easy, just that this time I am stacking the deck in my favor. The tools that I have found here and the dedication to seek help when needed and actually finding it is somethings that other places don't offer. Also I can then turn around after seeking help and offer help to others, which is freaking AMAZING. thanks for your support guys!!!
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this time I am stacking the deck in my favor.
Yep. It works.
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Did KingNothing really say "darn some mittens"? He's right though, keep your mind off of it, I'm more of a flog your log guy. Happy to quit with you today.
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Did KingNothing really say "darn some mittens"? He's right though, keep your mind off of it, I'm more of a flog your log guy. Happy to quit with you today.
Listen here TW, darn is a thing. Plus, he's much less likely to be arrested making some mittens than pounding the pud in the waiting room at QuikLube, so there's that.
'spin'
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Well today has been awesome! kept myself busy from the time that I got up. I can't really recall me having a craving today. Yesterday was a battle sitting in the lobby in which i don't think you can get arrested for dipping while chilling in the lobby at nissan. Anyway i've been drinking a lot more water and eating a lot more food. rather interesting that it seems i am snacking way more that when I was dipping, but that would be due to the nicotine satisfying something like keeping the blood sugar up or something like that. Anyway today has been really awesome and I can mark yet another day of not giving into the temptations of the devil that has ruled my life for 3 years now.
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Dude, you're 21 years old and SMART enough to quit. I dipped longer than you have been alive because I am fucking stupid. You are an inspiration to my quit. Not only do I come here to support others, I also look for motivation. Thanks for being part of today's motivation.
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Dude, you're 21 years old and SMART enough to quit. I dipped longer than you have been alive because I am fucking stupid. You are an inspiration to my quit. Not only do I come here to support others, I also look for motivation. Thanks for being part of today's motivation.
Macamania, thanks for your words of encouragement. I want to be a light for those in darkness and look for the light for when I am lost. I feel as if everyone here can do both be the light for anyone who is in darkness. Thanks again for encouraging me on my quit today. Yet again another day down the rest of our lives to go 'Cheers'
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Congrats on 5 days of Freedom Sir.
I quit with you today.
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Well today was really awesome! day 6 felt really clear. I also was really busy from the start of my day till current. I did have some cravings but I was able to lean on smokey mountain, which is allowing me to feel like I am chewing but without the nic bitch and tobacco within it. I felt proud that I have made it to day 6 cause I haven't been here in a long time. My friends and family are all proud of me and that seems to help me going forward in quitting 1 day at a time. My quitting brothers are also a great support such at CIKI. Just thought I could get y'all updated.
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Well today was really awesome! day 6 felt really clear. I also was really busy from the start of my day till current. I did have some cravings but I was able to lean on smokey mountain, which is allowing me to feel like I am chewing but without the nic bitch and tobacco within it. I felt proud that I have made it to day 6 cause I haven't been here in a long time. My friends and family are all proud of me and that seems to help me going forward in quitting 1 day at a time. My quitting brothers are also a great support such at CIKI. Just thought I could get y'all updated.
Great to hear you had an awesome day with a peek through the fog at some clarity. Each day is a victory and you help yourself and others by sharing like you have in your intro. Proud to be quit with you and stay strong this weekend.
CJ
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So it has been a long time since I have posted to my introduction but i think this is one of the best places to vent my feelings and shit. I am currently on day 27 basically 28. I am also about 3 tall boys in over the course of 4 hours. Over the past 2 hours I have been dealing with cravings over the past 2 hours and I would most likely have caved if it weren't for my brother Mcarmo44. This brother saved my quit and gave me encouragement in my moment of need. He was able to give me guidance when I was struggling. I turned for help about 2 hours ago and he made me think about my promise to stay true to the quit I posted and I have been standing strong. When 11:50 pm my time rolled around the Nic bitch hung her ugly head once again. This time I did not go to the group me chat instead I was able to think and take my long board out and go for about a 10-20 minute ride. I said if i really wanted to get some sort of nicotine I would ride my long board around the entire campus then back to my apartment to retrieve my wallet and then back to my car (about 2 minutes long board ride to the parking structure where my car is parked) then from there I could drive to the circle K that is down the street. I made sure to leave my wallet so I would have to contemplate my actions of going to my car and what I would have to face for that small portion of pleasure. I did stay strong for the February FUCKERS out there. When i got back from my ride I decided to get onto Kill the FUCKING can instead of going to the car. I am proud to say that without this site and the brothers I have made I would not be where I am today. I give so much thanks to Mcarmo44 for making sure I was staying true to my quit.
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Congrats on 1 year quit PKO!
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Congrats on 1 year quit PKO!
Congratulations pko! It keeps getting better!
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PKO hits 2 years!
Keep it up. Congrats on another year of freedom.