KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Bagel_Dog on June 26, 2015, 01:05:00 AM
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A phrase I have said many times. Yet I am day four with no nicotine. I say nicotine because in many of my failed "attempts" to quit I ended up smoking and vaping in addition to dipping the same as always. Yet grizzly wintergreen was always my favorite, my grandad dipped grizzly straight (and still does at the ripe old age of 78) and I always had an infatuation with it since I was little. I however did not start until I was a very dedicated volunteer firefighter at the age of 18. I couldn't even legally buy tobacco in my state (Alabama) but who has that ever stopped right?
Eventually my curiosity led to the next 6 1/2 years of consuming around 1/2 a can to 1 1/2 cans a day. I have "quit" many time but never successfully. I always had my reasons but truth be told I've come to realize that deep down I never actually WANTED to, or at least that's what I think, hell maybe I was really addicted after all and I couldn't just quit when I wanted (I know aim not the only one with this mentality).
This times different, I don't really know what's changed but I truly want to kill the can this time. I actually DESIRE to be free of this expensive and disgusting (don't tell me it's not because you're lying ha) addiction! So fast forward until now...
Day 4. Today has by far been the worst! I'm actually entering day 5 as we speak, sometime in the next hour or two I can't remember... Speaking of that I can't remember lots at this point. I am in a complete daze. An almost dreamlike state that at times almost is "buzz" like in its own merit. It is very hard to describe (maybe not to successful quitters). My brain literally feels "ticklish" I can feel it radiating down my sideburn area into my jawline.
Dryness. For the past 3 days my mouth has been dryer than a shamwow in the mohave desert. No matter how many gallons of water I consume it helps not.
Migraine like headaches! Seems to never end but is slowly getting better.
Has anyone else had the urge to stab anyone in the throat? No? Ok, nvm...
On a serious note, panic attacks. Had them before but never thought this would bring them on? Had a few but I just power through them and don't give in.
Cravings! I have had so many for mostly food, it seems that I cannot get full. This is also something I did not expect. Great, now I get to gain 10lbs AND lose my mind. Who's idea was this anyway? Oh yeah, mine.
Complete and utter BOREDOME! What do yall do with all this extra time!? I considered learning a second language, or maybe I'll just lay here and slowly slip into madness.
Triggers. Now this one is tough, I didn't realize how many I had. The biggest being when I am in deep thought or conversation. In fact the urge now it's borderline overwhelming but it shall too pass.
Insomnia...enough said.
I'm slowly losing my train of thought right now. I'll leave it alone for tonight and revisit in the morning. Thank you all for reading and replies, prayers, well wishes, advise, blessings, etc are all more than welcome!
Thanks,
Devin
Edit-I was also a pretty regular drinker, and I KNOW that this is my BIGGEST trigger. So I also have eliminated this as well and this may be leading my my panic attacks after some research. I can't really quit one without the other so I decided to let both go for the greater good of my own body.
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A phrase I have said many times. Yet I am day four with no nicotine. I say nicotine because in many of my failed "attempts" to quit I ended up smoking and vaping in addition to dipping the same as always. Yet grizzly wintergreen was always my favorite, my grandad dipped grizzly straight (and still does at the ripe old age of 78) and I always had an infatuation with it since I was little. I however did not start until I was a very dedicated volunteer firefighter at the age of 18. I couldn't even legally buy tobacco in my state (Alabama) but who has that ever stopped right?
Eventually my curiosity led to the next 6 1/2 years of consuming around 1/2 a can to 1 1/2 cans a day. I have "quit" many time but never successfully. I always had my reasons but truth be told I've come to realize that deep down I never actually WANTED to, or at least that's what I think, hell maybe I was really addicted after all and I couldn't just quit when I wanted (I know aim not the only one with this mentality).
This times different, I don't really know what's changed but I truly want to kill the can this time. I actually DESIRE to be free of this expensive and disgusting (don't tell me it's not because you're lying ha) addiction! So fast forward until now...
Day 4. Today has by far been the worst! I'm actually entering day 5 as we speak, sometime in the next hour or two I can't remember... Speaking of that I can't remember lots at this point. I am in a complete daze. An almost dreamlike state that at times almost is "buzz" like in its own merit. It is very hard to describe (maybe not to successful quitters). My brain literally feels "ticklish" I can feel it radiating down my sideburn area into my jawline.
Dryness. For the past 3 days my mouth has been dryer than a shamwow in the mohave desert. No matter how many gallons of water I consume it helps not.
Migraine like headaches! Seems to never end but is slowly getting better.
Has anyone else had the urge to stab anyone in the throat? No? Ok, nvm...
On a serious note, panic attacks. Had them before but never thought this would bring them on? Had a few but I just power through them and don't give in.
Cravings! I have had so many for mostly food, it seems that I cannot get full. This is also something I did not expect. Great, now I get to gain 10lbs AND lose my mind. Who's idea was this anyway? Oh yeah, mine.
Complete and utter BOREDOME! What do yall do with all this extra time!? I considered learning a second language, or maybe I'll just lay here and slowly slip into madness.
Triggers. Now this one is tough, I didn't realize how many I had. The biggest being when I am in deep thought or conversation. In fact the urge now it's borderline overwhelming but it shall too pass.
Insomnia...enough said.
I'm slowly losing my train of thought right now. I'll leave it alone for tonight and revisit in the morning. Thank you all for reading and replies, prayers, well wishes, advise, blessings, etc are all more than welcome!
Thanks,
Devin
Edit-I was also a pretty regular drinker, and I KNOW that this is my BIGGEST trigger. So I also have eliminated this as well and this may be leading my my panic attacks after some research. I can't really quit one without the other so I decided to let both go for the greater good of my own body.
Dude, this is a great intro! Welcome aboard.
First, and most importantly, things do get better. The side effects you mention... blast it... are all side effects brought on by withdrawals of one of the most addictive and deadly toxins on earth, nicotine. The great news is... you'll never have to relive these again, as this time you are quit. So this pain, as bad as it is, is your friend. Because it is building up some anger at what nicotine has taken from you. Keep posting this stuff in your intro so you can go back and read it later. You'll want to have in writing how bad day 4 was when, soon, you wake up one day and think... dude I feel like a BAMF today and can't believe it... I haven't felt like this since I was 12! Yep, you will have that moment dude.
Next, specifically, the fog... it blows. Nicotine restricts the amount of oxygen that your bloodstream carries, and your brain is now being flooded with the oxygen it deserves to be getting. Sounds whack? It is true. So right now your head is full of air and doesn't know quite what to do. It will pass. It might take some time - it varies with everyone, but this is one of the greatest signs of healing. Again, do your best to remember this, because it is complete bullshit that this substance has taken oxygen away from your brain!
Finally, dude come on here and use this site to journal your quit, and to ask for help. We are all here with a common goal. It seems so hard early on, but the freedom you are gaining cannot even be put into words. If you need anything, this team is all here to help. Send a PM if you need a number for accountability, and be sure to post roll every day with your group as soon as your eyeballs open (September 2015 group). Sounds corny, but it works. 915 days ago I was in your shoes. Today, I am free. And you are too.
Welcome aboard!
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Congrats. Best thing you can do now is post roll. Get on roll call brother.
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Day 5. Pretty much the same so far, mornings are never bad, I think the little coffee I drink helps. It's usually around 12-5pm it hits the hardest. I do find that my mind wonders a lot, lots of trouble concentrating. I am constantly thinking about what can I do what can I do. It's like my brain is completely confused and lost, it actually doesn't know what to do with the times I would normally be dipping. Why would anyone voluntarily start something that makes you feel this way in the end?
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Day 5. Pretty much the same so far, mornings are never bad, I think the little coffee I drink helps. It's usually around 12-5pm it hits the hardest. I do find that my mind wonders a lot, lots of trouble concentrating. I am constantly thinking about what can I do what can I do. It's like my brain is completely confused and lost, it actually doesn't know what to do with the times I would normally be dipping. Why would anyone voluntarily start something that makes you feel this way in the end?
Someone who is uneducated.
Like me and you.
Keep your brain here and in books learning about nicotine and addictions.
Spend your time quitting instead of using. Learn all you can...the truth will set you free.
Its more than just a decision.
It's a New life wrapped in accountability!
Turn your addictive personality into a positive.
I quit with you today.
Rawls 221
Ps...your momma didn't raise a son to die with cancer!
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Day 5. Pretty much the same so far, mornings are never bad, I think the little coffee I drink helps. It's usually around 12-5pm it hits the hardest. I do find that my mind wonders a lot, lots of trouble concentrating. I am constantly thinking about what can I do what can I do. It's like my brain is completely confused and lost, it actually doesn't know what to do with the times I would normally be dipping. Why would anyone voluntarily start something that makes you feel this way in the end?
Someone who is uneducated.
Like me and you.
Keep your brain here and in books learning about nicotine and addictions.
Spend your time quitting instead of using. Learn all you can...the truth will set you free.
Its more than just a decision.
It's a New life wrapped in accountability!
Turn your addictive personality into a positive.
I quit with you today.
Rawls 221
Ps...your momma didn't raise a son to die with cancer!
Life is so much better nic free! All this advice you're getting from these badass quitters don't mean a thing if you don't use it! All of this depends directly upon you! Stay strong, own your quit after all it's your life! I quit with you today!
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Day 5. Pretty much the same so far, mornings are never bad, I think the little coffee I drink helps. It's usually around 12-5pm it hits the hardest. I do find that my mind wonders a lot, lots of trouble concentrating. I am constantly thinking about what can I do what can I do. It's like my brain is completely confused and lost, it actually doesn't know what to do with the times I would normally be dipping. Why would anyone voluntarily start something that makes you feel this way in the end?
Someone who is uneducated.
Like me and you.
Keep your brain here and in books learning about nicotine and addictions.
Spend your time quitting instead of using. Learn all you can...the truth will set you free.
Its more than just a decision.
It's a New life wrapped in accountability!
Turn your addictive personality into a positive.
I quit with you today.
Rawls 221
Ps...your momma didn't raise a son to die with cancer!
Life is so much better nic free! All this advice you're getting from these badass quitters don't mean a thing if you don't use it! All of this depends directly upon you! Stay strong, own your quit after all it's your life! I quit with you today!
Hey man! Nice to have you here on the site. I think everyone here can relate to the restlessness of quitting early on. What helped me was to exercise when I felt like I had to be doing something to occupy my time. It doesn't even have to be anything too strenuous or serious. You might be amazed at what something as simple as taking a long walk can do to ease that feeling of confusion about what to do. Don't worry, the restlessness will pass. It's just going to take a little time for your brain to understand it doesn't need a mouthful of disgusting carcinogens to be able to perform basic activities and be satisfied.
You'll get there!
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Bagel remember the brain is a very strong competitor in your quit. It is saying nicotine. That's what it's been use to for years! You must train it or let it rewire itself to remembering this shit could eventually cause me to die from a horrific death! Be wise in your youth ,kick yourself in the ass, smash your balls in the drawer whatever you've got to do to stay clean,do it! Hey look Grandpa's 78 he still dipping, get that shit out of your mind he's been a lucky olé guy just like you and I! Cancer knows no age limit!
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Thank you for all the replies.
Day 6
Ulcers! Who knew right? I have 3 already and I hardly get them. I slept better last night and my headache is slowly going away. It seems that I don't think about it as much now but it hits hard a few times a day. After meals is a big one.
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Day 7.
So I have noticed some definite irritability. I thought hey maybe a I won't be one of those bitchy, whiny quitters! But it seems I am after all. My wife face timed me to ask me if I would walk her through cleaning her new revolver she got a week or two ago. Now normally I would be all over this, who doesn't love a chance to show your woman how "manly" and knowledgable you are at doing "manly" things, *insert Tim the tool man Taylor grunts* but for some reason it just completely pissed me off?!? It literally angered me that she would have the audacity to call me right when I get back to the hotel from work (away for business for a few months) right when I'm anout to unwind for the evening! I mean the nerve of her!!! I was pretty shitty looking back, bad enough I realized what was happening and apologized to her later. I still have not told her I'm a quitter. She has wanted me to quit since we met some 3-4 years ago, but this quit is about me and I decided to do it on my own, the only people who know are you guys(ladies), a few trusted friends at work and my mom.
Maybe I should bring others into this too? I guess it would give me even more accountability, my only fear is the ones who won't help. You all know who I'm talking about, the people who try and drag you back down to addiction with them.
Any thoughts?
On a side note, it is amazing to see how much affect this drug has on your personality. The ability to make you lash out at loved ones for literally NO reason. If I could go back I would never have started this. But like they say "better late than never".
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Day 7.
So I have noticed some definite irritability. I thought hey maybe a I won't be one of those bitchy, whiny quitters! But it seems I am after all. My wife face timed me to ask me if I would walk her through cleaning her new revolver she got a week or two ago. Now normally I would be all over this, who doesn't love a chance to show your woman how "manly" and knowledgable you are at doing "manly" things, *insert Tim the tool man Taylor grunts* but for some reason it just completely pissed me off?!? It literally angered me that she would have the audacity to call me right when I get back to the hotel from work (away for business for a few months) right when I'm anout to unwind for the evening! I mean the nerve of her!!! I was pretty shitty looking back, bad enough I realized what was happening and apologized to her later. I still have not told her I'm a quitter. She has wanted me to quit since we met some 3-4 years ago, but this quit is about me and I decided to do it on my own, the only people who know are you guys(ladies), a few trusted friends at work and my mom.
Maybe I should bring others into this too? I guess it would give me even more accountability, my only fear is the ones who won't help. You all know who I'm talking about, the people who try and drag you back down to addiction with them.
Any thoughts?
On a side note, it is amazing to see how much affect this drug has on your personality. The ability to make you lash out at loved ones for literally NO reason. If I could go back I would never have started this. But like they say "better late than never".
Bagel my friend, to me it only makes sense to tell your wife what a real goober you're gonna be for a while because you can't stuff your face with poison! I thought the whole purpose of you being on here was for accountability! Damn bud I tell people I don't even know. The more, the merrier. This shits hard. Don't take your anger out on your loved ones, they didn't make you put this shit in your mouth, you did! Bring your ass in here and cuss,scream, bitch, whine, cry whatever I can take it, I understand the wifey don't! Time to do this shit right. I quit with you today my brother!
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Your wife should be your most trusted advisor. Tell her.
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Guaranteed 100% way to quit nic!!!
Dayy 1: post roll. get numbers of those in your month. text them. get to know them. hold them accountable. have them hold you accountable. embrace the sux.
repeat for day 2.
repeat for day 3.
repeat for day 4....
I quit with you today BG.
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Your wife should be your most trusted advisor. Tell her.
This couldn't be more true. Tell her!
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Your wife should be your most trusted advisor. Tell her.
This couldn't be more true. Tell her!
Q: Why does quitting at KTC work better than quitting alone?
A: Brotherhood and accountability
When you post roll, you post a promise to a bunch of internet strangers that you will not use nicotine for that day. Why not include your wife in that accountability. You nailed it when you said "you quit for yourself" but that doesn't mean that you can hold yourself accountable to her. I told my wife on Christmas, 14 days into my quit. I waited 2 weeks because I needed to show her something tangible rather than more empty words. Your 1 week in now, you have a quit going, now go and make yourself accountable to her.
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I told her today, she was certainly happy and like you said it's nice to have something to show her instead of empty words.
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Start of day 14.
The physical addiction is long gone, sleep returned to normal, no more ulcers or upset stomach, headaches are gone etc... But today being the Fourth man was it hard mentally during some points. My uncle started packing some grizzly wintergreen(my old brand) and man did I want one for about .2 seconds. Then it faded, I just thought about and I really didn't want any. In fact the thought of it kinda sickened me to be honest. I feel I handled this trigger well, family gatherings were always a half can affair.
One day at a time!
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Start of day 14.
The physical addiction is long gone, sleep returned to normal, no more ulcers or upset stomach, headaches are gone etc... But today being the Fourth man was it hard mentally during some points. My uncle started packing some grizzly wintergreen(my old brand) and man did I want one for about .2 seconds. Then it faded, I just thought about and I really didn't want any. In fact the thought of it kinda sickened me to be honest. I feel I handled this trigger well, family gatherings were always a half can affair.
One day at a time!
Great job bagel win, win! Now she will help you thru some bullshit times! Congrats on looking at nic for what it really is! I quit with you today!
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Day 16
Back at work after a wonderful holiday weekend. People all around me are dipping and smoking.
The weirdest part is I don't desire it anymore I see these people and wonder "why?" Then I remember I did it for 6 years and wonder "why?" Haha
Stay quit friends!
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Day 16
Back at work after a wonderful holiday weekend. People all around me are dipping and smoking.
The weirdest part is I don't desire it anymore I see these people and wonder "why?" Then I remember I did it for 6 years and wonder "why?" Haha
Stay quit friends!
I know just what you mean. It took me until my fourth week to have the feelings you're describing, but, like you, I have no interest anymore and I think back to those days and wonder what the hell I was thinking.
Awesome job on your quit! Proud to quit with you brother.
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Day 16
Back at work after a wonderful holiday weekend. People all around me are dipping and smoking.
The weirdest part is I don't desire it anymore I see these people and wonder "why?" Then I remember I did it for 6 years and wonder "why?" Haha
Stay quit friends!
I know just what you mean. It took me until my fourth week to have the feelings you're describing, but, like you, I have no interest anymore and I think back to those days and wonder what the hell I was thinking.
Awesome job on your quit! Proud to quit with you brother.
I just hope I don't hit a wall, I hear about the FUNK. Hoping I will miss it haha
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Your wife should be your most trusted advisor. Tell her.
This couldn't be more true. Tell her!
Q: Why does quitting at KTC work better than quitting alone?
A: Brotherhood and accountability
When you post roll, you post a promise to a bunch of internet strangers that you will not use nicotine for that day. Why not include your wife in that accountability. You nailed it when you said "you quit for yourself" but that doesn't mean that you can hold yourself accountable to her. I told my wife on Christmas, 14 days into my quit. I waited 2 weeks because I needed to show her something tangible rather than more empty words. Your 1 week in now, you have a quit going, now go and make yourself accountable to her.
The people around you deserve to know you are quit, and do NOT deserve your anger.
So if you wanna lash out, do it here. I've been called a fuckhead and a bunch of other shit in the last 15 months, all that does for me is make me respect YOU more because i know that anger means you are HEALING. Heap it on son, we all have big shoulders here.