KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: bonzo74 on August 16, 2012, 10:21:00 AM
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Today is my first of many attempts to quit smokelss tobacco. I've struggled with this for many years, and have had some success, but to no evail I go back to it. It is very humbling in that I work with people who struggle with addictions and yet I have a hard time putting down my own. It is the only wedge in my marriage and I mean the only. I have a great family and an awesome wife and it pains me that I sneak it and hide from her and when she finds out it is so devastating to her. Not because I am using it, but the deceitfulness of it all. In all honesty I will say that reaching out on this forum is the first time trying to use outside support and swallowing my pride, since I thought that I am educated enough to do this on my own. Thanks in advance for the support and look forward to my journey on being tobacco free.
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Welcome Bonzo -
Your story is very familiar. You have "stopped" before, but you haven't "quit." So you can do it...you just can't keep it. Click on the pink Welcome Center link above and read. Learn how to post roll. That is your daily promise that no matter what happens today, you won't put any nicotine in your body. The wake up and do it again tomorrow.
Quitting forever is hard. But nobody is aksing you to do that. In fact, don't think about tomorrow, next week or next year. We'll worry about them when they get here. Just focus on staying quit today...and anybody can go one day, right? That's all we're doing here...quitting today.
Just focus on today. You can't change the past. And nobody knows the future. So don't think about them. All you can do is control yourself right now...today.
Also, make sure your quitting for the right reason...yourself. Your hot-ass wife (you did say she was hot, right...well, it is a reasonable inference) may be a great bonus, but you must quit for you. If you quit for some other reason (like your job, family, friends, or your aforementioned hot-ass wife), and something happened to them or you lost your job, you wouldn't want to lose your motivation. That is why quitting has to be a very selfish endeavor. Think, "I'm quit today because I want to make me a better me." No more hiding, lying, and bullshit.
You take the first step, and we'll help you with the rest. So post roll. Your Quit Group is November 2012. If you need help, just PM me or post here (like you already did) and one of the mods will be in touch.
Stay strong, stay quit!
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Bean said it well. I'm proud to say I posted roll with him at over 700 days this morning. Our stories read much like yours, so accept that it can be done.
I understand your situation well. We are no different than the despised meth addict. Nicotine is a powerful adversary and reduces us to pitiful examples of humanity. I'm not proud of who I was, but that is in the past. Read some intros and HOF speeches. It will strengthen your resolve. Mine is linked at the bottom of each and every one of my posts. Reach out if you need something. We're only a PM away, and there are lots of us out here to help you.
One day at a time.
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This cold turkey way is making me an Ill and pissy . My and my wife is fussing .
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I appreciate the encouragement and the compliment of having a hot ass wife! Doing ok on day one, but I know that will vary as time marches on, but as for now ok. I feel like I need a plan or something so I have some structure. Any suggestions?
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I appreciate the encouragement and the compliment of having a hot ass wife! Doing ok on day one, but I know that will vary as time marches on, but as for now ok. I feel like I need a plan or something so I have some structure. Any suggestions?
I printed off The Contract and kept it in my truck. Driving was one of my biggest triggers...that and meals. I don't have it anymore, but someone will. Also, get phone numbers from Nov 2012 group. Exchange promises with someone that you will call before you cave. Print cancer pics...they never dissuaded me, but maybe they work for you. I also got a ton of resolve from the Tom Jenny Kern story.
Replacement activities...I walk after dinner instead of dipping. I cut back on couch potato time too. Hope this helps!
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Thanks Bean. I will post something in the group about obtaining some numbers and stay in contact. Main thing for me is not to get ahead of myself. Too often I am looking ahead and trying to plan something and as a result, I loose sight of today and lapse. I will make it a goal that I make at least 2 calls a day even to check in. Thanks for the help!
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Thanks Bean. I will post something in the group about obtaining some numbers and stay in contact. Main thing for me is not to get ahead of myself. Too often I am looking ahead and trying to plan something and as a result, I loose sight of today and lapse. I will make it a goal that I make at least 2 calls a day even to check in. Thanks for the help!
Bonzo...
Radman said something that I think you might find comforting.
"One day at a time".
That's all you need to worry about with your quit. Post roll, keep your promise until you fall asleep, use your tools (phone/website) to help with the suck, wake up, repeat. Don't worry about how you'll feel tomorrow or how you'll quit on that long drive during Thanksgiving weekend....just finish today.
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Thanks Bean. I will post something in the group about obtaining some numbers and stay in contact. Main thing for me is not to get ahead of myself. Too often I am looking ahead and trying to plan something and as a result, I loose sight of today and lapse. I will make it a goal that I make at least 2 calls a day even to check in. Thanks for the help!
Bonzo...
Radman said something that I think you might find comforting.
"One day at a time".
That's all you need to worry about with your quit. Post roll, keep your promise until you fall asleep, use your tools (phone/website) to help with the suck, wake up, repeat. Don't worry about how you'll feel tomorrow or how you'll quit on that long drive during Thanksgiving weekend....just finish today.
Yep. I said that for a reason.
So far, I've used it 703 times. 702 times it proved successful. Meet me here tomorrow and I'll let you know how the other one turns out. Here's a hint: it'll be just like all the others because I have built countless layers of accountability here.
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I am at day 7, and maybe it's because I'm a little cranky that I'm not using, but I have been playing thorugh one resentment after another. It sucks to be pissed about things that happened weeks, months, even years ago. I guess what good I can get out of it was chew was something that helped me avoid all that shit, so I never realized I had all the resentment. Don't know what do do with it all, but having it live in my head isn't the answer that's for sure. I know that resentments are like pissing your pants. Everyone sees it, but I'm the only one that feels it. Don't know if any one else experiences this at all, but if you do/or have gone through this, any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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Feel free to vent on here. This is a great place to get it all out. But remember this chew didn't do a fucking thing for you. It only delayed the onset of withdrawl symptoms until your next chew. Chew only takes away, it doesn't offer anything in return except a slow and sometimes very painful death.
Try not to vent or rage on your family or loved ones. They didn't get you addicted to nicotine. You did. Own your quit.
Don't let the nic bitch try to rationalize caving in just because you have some issues that need resolving.
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Let it go or cut them out of our life. imho try to let it go - if you feel wronged again from this point on take it up right away but hell if you life is anything like mine there's too much shit i've done wrong in the past for me to feel it's ok to go digging around back there to see what others have done to worng me. you've got my .02 - I quit with you today - from day 7 it DOES get better - hold on and stay quit.
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Quit is both exciting and scary for sure Bonzo. Dealing with life without Nicotine flooding your brain can seem daunting. Know this, we're not afraid to see your true face, the face before nicotine. Wastepanel 12:14 says "Live for today, forget the past, and fuck the future!"
You may need to address some of your past? If so, do it and be done. Otherwise quit daily. Be proud of your 7 days. Many never get past day 1.
Vadge
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Brother you are going to experience all kinds of shit during the quitting process. You will experience resentment, anger, depression, tiredness, cravings and all kinds of other bullshit symptoms. As bad as it may sound it is definitely no where near the shit you will experience if you give in to the nictotine bitch again. Plain and simple do as these guys tell you to do on this site. Post roll, be accountable for your actions, be honest, and keep quitting like a mother fucker!! Use seeds, gum, jerky, drink lots of water or whatever else you need to do to keep that shit out of your mouth. Capiche?
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I appreciate all the feedback, and I assure you that a flurry of bullshit isn't gonna lead me back! If I do, I know I can add a resentment towards myself to the list. I'm just amazed on how it covered all the crap up for so long. I'm sifting through which thoughts are rational and which ones are irrational and yet to find a rational one so at least I am realinzing it was my shit holding onto these things, but part of the process I guess.
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I appreciate all the feedback, and I assure you that a flurry of bullshit isn't gonna lead me back! If I do, I know I can add a resentment towards myself to the list. I'm just amazed on how it covered all the crap up for so long. I'm sifting through which thoughts are rational and which ones are irrational and yet to find a rational one so at least I am realinzing it was my shit holding onto these things, but part of the process I guess.
"
I know that there is pain, but you
Hold on for one more day, and you
Break free from the chains
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Name that tune, bitches.
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hi bonzo74,
There is a place on the mental shelf for each and everyone of those "resentments". You can be free from these and nicotine. Decide today, everyday you wake up, that you're going to NOT USE nictotine in any form and the PAST is GONE, only to be learned from. The future is not guarenteed and now is a gift that is why it is called "the present".
Post roll everyday, the earlier the better.
Keep your word, get to bed.
Wake up and REPEAT.
YOU CAN do this! I promise you that.
If this hillbilly can quit, then I know that YOU CAN!
I quit with you today. 'bang head'
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Thanks everyone! I'm getting through it and today is a better day. It's weird not feeling like I have to stay at arms length from people due to the fear they will catch me chewing, so I am enjoying my time with my family. I now realize how much I missed out on all because I was using.
Wow a Wilson Phillips reference earlier. Don't know what's worse the band or the fact I knew the song!
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Welcome to life outside of the haze my friend. It keeps getting better from here. Not always easier. But definitely better B)
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It's weird not feeling like I have to stay at arms length from people due to the fear they will catch me chewing, so I am enjoying my time with my family.
I made this wonderful realization at work today too...I can just talk to people now and not worry about my breath stinking or chunks of worm shit in my teeth. Pretty cool stuff!
Proud to be quit with you today, Bonzo!
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Wow a Wilson Phillips reference earlier.
You got it, dude. You freaking rock. Say what you want to about their music, you have to admit the blonde chick was worth ballin.
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It's weird not feeling like I have to stay at arms length from people due to the fear they will catch me chewing, so I am enjoying my time with my family.
I made this wonderful realization at work today too...I can just talk to people now and not worry about my breath stinking or chunks of worm shit in my teeth. Pretty cool stuff!
Proud to be quit with you today, Bonzo!
Right on. It is amazing how much more simple life gets when you are not always hiding a dirty little secret. Day 384 here and that is one of my favorite parts of being quit. The logistics of being a chewer, especially a ninja chewer, were maddening. Enjoy the simplicity my friend.