KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: pbr on December 28, 2016, 11:10:00 AM
-
Hello everyone, just stopping in to introduce myself. I've used the can off and on for the last five years, and it's time for me to put it down for good. Worst part is I was quit for about 4 months a couple of years ago and someone offered me a dip in the fishing boat and that's all it took. I'm ready to be nicotine/dip free for life. Doing it for my health, but more so my wife, family, and friends. It's not going to be easy.
Now, if any of you soldiers can direct me to my quit group, that'd be fantastic. I looked around but could locate the group for someone quitting on 12/28/16.
Feel free to ask me more questions about myself. Talking about things other than how much quitting sucks would likely be beneficial.
-PBR
-
Hey PBR Congrats on the best decision of your life!!!!!
forum/55560/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/forum/55560/) This link has a lot of good information about posting roll and why we post it
You are in the April (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/30106725/27/#new) Group there you will find the
people that will be reaching the 100 day milestone in April with you.
the best advice I can offer is drink tons of water to help your body flush out the toxins out of your body
also reach out and get involved in your group so you have a net to fall back on when you need support
feel free to pm me with any questions you may have
-
Echoing what that fine quitter above said, PBR.
This place is built on a couple things: 1. Integrity, and 2. Accountability
Glad you're already looking for a place to show you have the first one and to build the second one (your quit group). The KTC method is simple: wake up, piss, post roll, honor your post (meaning you will not use nicotine in ANY form for the next 24 hours), then do it all over again the following morning. Assuming you have a shred of integrity and do not lie while posting roll (which is obviously a huge no-no that will get you banned from further participation in the forums), this will, coupled with a safety net of accountable folks who will come track you down if you fail to post roll by a certain time of day (which each quit group figures out on their own), will work to keep you quit and begin breaking that addiction to nicotine.
Get active, get to know as many quitters in your group (and adjacent groups) as you can. Trade digits with them. I know it sounds weird, but knowing that there are others out there going through the same withdrawal symptoms you are and who can help talk you off the ledge actually works. Over time, some of them will become like an extended family to you, but this will work only if you are willing to put in the effort...basically you get out of it what you put into it (kind of like life)....
So jump in and start swimming PBR.....it's gonna suck for awhile, but then the periods of clarity in the midst of the suck will begin to get longer and longer and one day you'll realize it doesn't suck any more. That, and you'll no longer be a slave to some insidious weed in a can.
Welcome; looking forward to seeing your name on the roll!
-
Thanks for the welcome.
I think I'll likely use this thread as a journal of sorts like many others have. Writing is something I love, and it'll be good for me to air out my dirty laundry.
Day 1:
I imagine any attempt at processing why I reach for the can, "my secret addiction" is going to be wasted these first couple of days. Indeed, it's hard to process much of anything going through withdrawl. My body is giving off all the warning signs that it hasn't had its fix. Well, you all know what i'm talking about. Hell, I know what to expect because I've gone through this once before. Fatigue, dizziness, inexplicable longing, confusion and all the other symptoms which has been affectionately termed "the fog".
Let's just deal with the withdrawl symptoms first- get these first few days knocked out one day at a time. Then, that will be the time to dig into the what, the why, the when. I know myself, and I'm afraid that will be the hardest part of this whole ordeal. Sure, the cravings blow. All that stuff sucks. There's a reason why though, I've used nicotine as a crutch. It goes much deeper than dopamine. For now though, let's just get past day one. Chew some gum. Drink some tea. Try and get some work done. Until tomorrow.
-
Thanks for the welcome.
I think I'll likely use this thread as a journal of sorts like many others have. Writing is something I love, and it'll be good for me to air out my dirty laundry.
Day 1:
I imagine any attempt at processing why I reach for the can, "my secret addiction" is going to be wasted these first couple of days. Indeed, it's hard to process much of anything going through withdrawl. My body is giving off all the warning signs that it hasn't had its fix. Well, you all know what i'm talking about. Hell, I know what to expect because I've gone through this once before. Fatigue, dizziness, inexplicable longing, confusion and all the other symptoms which has been affectionately termed "the fog".
Let's just deal with the withdrawl symptoms first- get these first few days knocked out one day at a time. Then, that will be the time to dig into the what, the why, the when. I know myself, and I'm afraid that will be the hardest part of this whole ordeal. Sure, the cravings blow. All that stuff sucks. There's a reason why though, I've used nicotine as a crutch. It goes much deeper than dopamine. For now though, let's just get past day one. Chew some gum. Drink some tea. Try and get some work done. Until tomorrow.
Good Stuff. Build your accountability, participate and offer support to others. This place will help you stay quit. In the end it's all up to you. Proud to quit with you today!
-
Thanks for the welcome.
I think I'll likely use this thread as a journal of sorts like many others have. Writing is something I love, and it'll be good for me to air out my dirty laundry.
Day 1:
I imagine any attempt at processing why I reach for the can, "my secret addiction" is going to be wasted these first couple of days. Indeed, it's hard to process much of anything going through withdrawl. My body is giving off all the warning signs that it hasn't had its fix. Well, you all know what i'm talking about. Hell, I know what to expect because I've gone through this once before. Fatigue, dizziness, inexplicable longing, confusion and all the other symptoms which has been affectionately termed "the fog".
Let's just deal with the withdrawl symptoms first- get these first few days knocked out one day at a time. Then, that will be the time to dig into the what, the why, the when. I know myself, and I'm afraid that will be the hardest part of this whole ordeal. Sure, the cravings blow. All that stuff sucks. There's a reason why though, I've used nicotine as a crutch. It goes much deeper than dopamine. For now though, let's just get past day one. Chew some gum. Drink some tea. Try and get some work done. Until tomorrow.
Good Stuff. Build your accountability, participate and offer support to others. This place will help you stay quit. In the end it's all up to you. Proud to quit with you today!
Two things: 1. Glad you stopped lurking and decided your life is worth saving and 2. Glad you quit in the middle of the week instead of of New Year's Day. Don't get me wrong, I welcome all quitter's, just the onus of a "resolution" quit usually doesn't work. I "stopped" chewing on 5 or 6 New Year's Day's myself, but have only quit once.
-
Day 2.
I'll keep this short and sweet. Today is most certainly worse than yesterday. I expect tomorrow to be more of the same.
Pretty much just going through the motions with anything and everything until everything settles down. It's like I forgot that Nicotine is a drug and withdrawal is real.
Biggest agitators today are incredibly dry mouth and some pretty hardcore light headedness.
Note to self* this sucks. Lets not do nicotine again, alright? I don't want to have to withdrawal all over again.
-
PBR, welcome to KTC! I can add very little to the advice above and I see you are already familiar with what you are physically and mentally and emotionally going to have to battle in the days and weeks ahead. But you just gained more support than you could ever imagine yesterday when you decided to get off that fence.
Take it day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute, if necessary. You can do this.
PM me if you need anything.
-
Thanks again for chiming in folks.
Day 3 so far has been a night and day difference compared to the first two. Granted, I'm still a bit light headed. I still have a bit of a headache. I still have some cravings (those probably won't ever go away, but I expect their frequency and severity to diminish). I'm getting a few bumps in the mouth. This isn't impossible though. It's only going to continue to get better. It's worth it to quit.
Mo Money. Mo Healthy. Mo betta breath. Mo life without secrets.
No more lying to myself. Lying to my wife. Hiding from the Lord. No more guilt. No more panic attacks when I run out of the stuff and can't get to the gas station. No more being ruled by this completely silly thing that's trying to kill me.
I still want to give myself some time before I start looking at the why I did it. That's going to be half the battle of staying quit- getting honest with myself before my family and before the Lord. That's going to me more painful than withdrawal. That's where healing will truly begin. For now, I'm just going to continue to focus on Chew gum, drink water, drink tea, talk to people, walk off the anxiety, repeat.
-
When you are taking an inventory on why you did this, do not leave off the list that nicotine is one of the most addictive substances known to man. In other words, be honest but also be kind to yourself.
And never put nicotine in your body ever again.
Proud to be quit with you today.
-
As mentioned by others. Learn to hate the shit. If you see it, if you smell it, learn to be disgusted. I understand hate is an aggressive emotion that we often choose to keep out of our lives but believe me, it's necessary. Necessary now, necessary later. Read everything you can, weave your accountability web, and plan on being here each day for the rest of your addicted life. We chose to be addicted, now we choose to be a non-using addicts. I've gotten out of the fog, and even though it comes back, I don't think my initial suffering (what your going through now) would have kept me quit for the 59 days. You'll need more. There is a lot of strength in here.
-
Day 7.
Holy Smokes, I'm a week in already. This whole one day at a time thing adds up quickly.
Things are much easier now than what they were days 1-4. The craves are still frequent. The fog is there, but not as intense and not as often. My body is slowly acclimating to its new normal. I really couldn't be happier about my decision to quit. I have way too many family members who have battled, or are currently battling cancer. I'm already at risk: why in the world would I further compound that risk? Why would I spend money on something that only speeds up my date with death?
Addicts brains do funny things.
It's ok for me to ____ because ______.
Last I checked it's not alright to be enslaved to anything.
I guess I have to be honest with myself though. The biggest part of nicotine's addictive power is that it feels good. This is often the reason we get addicted to anything at all. Porn. Alcohol. Social Media. This hobby. That hobby. I'd argue that the brain is made for pleasure honestly (that's a big theological discussion that I won't unravel today). That doesn't give one permission to simply seek and run after what feels best. Either way, nicotine feels dang good. I can't remember when I took my first dip honestly. I think I had tried it a few different times in early college and had decided it wasn't for me. I can however remember the first time I tried it and it stuck: Sitting on a bridge deck in 2011 with a jackhammer in my hand. Man that job was hell and I figured "anything that can take the edge off" would be worth it. It did indeed take the edge off. However, it wasn't worth becoming enslaved to something that my wife hates, that destroys my teeth and gums, empties my pocketbook of money I could be saving and threatens to kill me.
Do I personally hate dip? Yeah. I hate who it made me become.
Let's keep it that way.
More on all of this later.
-
Day 8-
Decided I'd stay awhile so I chose an avatar.
Quit game is strong.
-
Day 8-
Decided I'd stay awhile so I chose an avatar.
Quit game is strong.
Glad you can stay, it's your life you are saving!
-
Day 8-
Decided I'd stay awhile so I chose an avatar.
Quit game is strong.
Glad you can stay, it's your life you are saving!
This no game brother. Most games I enjoy playing but if this were a game right now, this second I'm winning. But the way I look at it, it kicked my ass 38 long years. Dig in with both feet, grasp the coattail of a badass quitter and learn all the tools here at ktc, you can never have to many. I quit with you today! My number is a pm away
-
Day 8-
Decided I'd stay awhile so I chose an avatar.
Quit game is strong.
Glad you can stay, it's your life you are saving!
This no game brother. Most games I enjoy playing but if this were a game right now, this second I'm winning. But the way I look at it, it kicked my ass 38 long years. Dig in with both feet, grasp the coattail of a badass quitter and learn all the tools here at ktc, you can never have to many. I quit with you today! My number is a pm away
Nope. You're right. This isn't a game.
It's certainly a fight though. 'Remshot'
-
Day 9.
Grandpa died out of nowhere today.
It's nice knowing nicotine won't help a thing.
That's all for now.
-
Day 9.
Grandpa died out of nowhere today.
It's nice knowing nicotine won't help a thing.
That's all for now.
as in chat, condolences to you and your family. May the angels be watching over you in this time of mourning.
-
Sorry for your lost PBR!
I quit with you today!
-
Day 9.
Grandpa died out of nowhere today.
It's nice knowing nicotine won't help a thing.
That's all for now.
as in chat, condolences to you and your family. May the angels be watching over you in this time of mourning.
My condolences to you and yours during these hard times.
-
Day 9.
Grandpa died out of nowhere today.
It's nice knowing nicotine won't help a thing.
That's all for now.
as in chat, condolences to you and your family. May the angels be watching over you in this time of mourning.
My condolences to you and yours during these hard times.
Prayers to your family, brother
-
Day 13-
I have to keep living one day at a time.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
On day 9 when grandpa died, I left work early to be home with my wife. I had a good cry, we went out to dinner together and I texted my brother and cousins about memories we have of grandpa.
It was pretty cathartic. Now my only concern is my mother. She's been through the ringer with her own disease, grandma getting cancer and now grandpa dying suddenly.
I tell you what though: looking to nicotine (or other substances for that matter) for help only leaves an empty answer. I won't be a slave any longer. Mom hated that I put that crap in my mouth. Another good reason to stay quit in this time of loss.
-
Day 13-
I have to keep living one day at a time.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
On day 9 when grandpa died, I left work early to be home with my wife. I had a good cry, we went out to dinner together and I texted my brother and cousins about memories we have of grandpa.
It was pretty cathartic. Now my only concern is my mother. She's been through the ringer with her own disease, grandma getting cancer and now grandpa dying suddenly.
I tell you what though: looking to nicotine (or other substances for that matter) for help only leaves an empty answer. I won't be a slave any longer. Mom hated that I put that crap in my mouth. Another good reason to stay quit in this time of loss.
Life never stops, but neither does our quits. Hang tough man!
-
Day 32-
I've been pondering long and hard about what's motivating my quit.
What's motivating me to kick this stuff to the curb day in and day out?
I've got a reason here, a reason there and this that and the other thing.
I was talking to tejano, one of my april quitters and He said he needed a single word to push him. That word was freedom- that was his big reason.
Mine is Integrity. I want to be a man of integrity, and all that it entails.
That is why I quit- my integrity.
-
I like to make the sexy with unicorns and fairies and dream of a time when G and BG come over and fulfill me to make me HB...
'frazz1' 'frazz1' 'frazz1'
-
Day 66.
I in no way want to indicate that this fight is over. I understand that all it takes is a moment of weakness and lack of integrity to go right back to where I was.
However, I wanted to just say this to people who are on the fence about quitting or at the beginning of their quit. It gets better. It gets so much better.
There are many days where I don't even think about nicotine at all. If I do have the thought, seldom does it last.
I want to be a man of integrity though. I've realized there are many things I've been addicted to or currently am addicted to that have to change. I lie more than I'd like to. Hell, I lied about dip and kept it hidden from my wife for years.
I love my bourbon and have an intense collection, but if I'm honest, I drink too often and too much. Then there's the whole porn thing. Yeah, that stuff has gotta go and it has to go for good.
I suppose I've realized how much of a man child I am through this process. Eff that noise, it's time to be a man.
-
Day 66.
I in no way want to indicate that this fight is over. I understand that all it takes is a moment of weakness and lack of integrity to go right back to where I was.
However, I wanted to just say this to people who are on the fence about quitting or at the beginning of their quit. It gets better. It gets so much better.
There are many days where I don't even think about nicotine at all. If I do have the thought, seldom does it last.
I want to be a man of integrity though. I've realized there are many things I've been addicted to or currently am addicted to that have to change. I lie more than I'd like to. Hell, I lied about dip and kept it hidden from my wife for years.
I love my bourbon and have an intense collection, but if I'm honest, I drink too often and too much. Then there's the whole porn thing. Yeah, that stuff has gotta go and it has to go for good.
I suppose I've realized how much of a man child I am through this process. Eff that noise, it's time to be a man.
Quitting is such a wonderful thing. Well done.
-
Day 66.
I in no way want to indicate that this fight is over. I understand that all it takes is a moment of weakness and lack of integrity to go right back to where I was.
However, I wanted to just say this to people who are on the fence about quitting or at the beginning of their quit. It gets better. It gets so much better.
There are many days where I don't even think about nicotine at all. If I do have the thought, seldom does it last.
I want to be a man of integrity though. I've realized there are many things I've been addicted to or currently am addicted to that have to change. I lie more than I'd like to. Hell, I lied about dip and kept it hidden from my wife for years.
I love my bourbon and have an intense collection, but if I'm honest, I drink too often and too much. Then there's the whole porn thing. Yeah, that stuff has gotta go and it has to go for good.
I suppose I've realized how much of a man child I am through this process. Eff that noise, it's time to be a man.
Quitting is such a wonderful thing. Well done.
You are doing great, pbr. It is amazing how much we learn about ourselves through this process of quitting.
-
Day 66.
I in no way want to indicate that this fight is over. I understand that all it takes is a moment of weakness and lack of integrity to go right back to where I was.
However, I wanted to just say this to people who are on the fence about quitting or at the beginning of their quit. It gets better. It gets so much better.
There are many days where I don't even think about nicotine at all. If I do have the thought, seldom does it last.
I want to be a man of integrity though. I've realized there are many things I've been addicted to or currently am addicted to that have to change. I lie more than I'd like to. Hell, I lied about dip and kept it hidden from my wife for years.
I love my bourbon and have an intense collection, but if I'm honest, I drink too often and too much. Then there's the whole porn thing. Yeah, that stuff has gotta go and it has to go for good.
I suppose I've realized how much of a man child I am through this process. Eff that noise, it's time to be a man.
Quitting is such a wonderful thing. Well done.
You are doing great, pbr. It is amazing how much we learn about ourselves through this process of quitting.
Day 78:
This whole quitting thing has been pretty darn hard since Grandma passed away. Not only have I dealt with the grieving process, but it ruined my wife and I's vacation. Thankfully I was able to recoup the dollars invested in hotels, and such. I've been faced with a lot of mind games: More then I'd like.
"Just one won't hurt".
Boy, that's a lie there. I know what that leads to. Quitting this, has to be for life.
-
Day 66.
I in no way want to indicate that this fight is over. I understand that all it takes is a moment of weakness and lack of integrity to go right back to where I was.
However, I wanted to just say this to people who are on the fence about quitting or at the beginning of their quit. It gets better. It gets so much better.
There are many days where I don't even think about nicotine at all. If I do have the thought, seldom does it last.
I want to be a man of integrity though. I've realized there are many things I've been addicted to or currently am addicted to that have to change. I lie more than I'd like to. Hell, I lied about dip and kept it hidden from my wife for years.
I love my bourbon and have an intense collection, but if I'm honest, I drink too often and too much. Then there's the whole porn thing. Yeah, that stuff has gotta go and it has to go for good.
I suppose I've realized how much of a man child I am through this process. Eff that noise, it's time to be a man.
Quitting is such a wonderful thing. Well done.
You are doing great, pbr. It is amazing how much we learn about ourselves through this process of quitting.
Day 78:
This whole quitting thing has been pretty darn hard since Grandma passed away. Not only have I dealt with the grieving process, but it ruined my wife and I's vacation. Thankfully I was able to recoup the dollars invested in hotels, and such. I've been faced with a lot of mind games: More then I'd like.
"Just one won't hurt".
Boy, that's a lie there. I know what that leads to. Quitting this, has to be for life.
My wife had cancer last year, and my dad is currently fighting bone cancer. Life never stops, but neither does my quit. Fight on!
-
Day 66.
I in no way want to indicate that this fight is over. I understand that all it takes is a moment of weakness and lack of integrity to go right back to where I was.
However, I wanted to just say this to people who are on the fence about quitting or at the beginning of their quit. It gets better. It gets so much better.
There are many days where I don't even think about nicotine at all. If I do have the thought, seldom does it last.
I want to be a man of integrity though. I've realized there are many things I've been addicted to or currently am addicted to that have to change. I lie more than I'd like to. Hell, I lied about dip and kept it hidden from my wife for years.
I love my bourbon and have an intense collection, but if I'm honest, I drink too often and too much. Then there's the whole porn thing. Yeah, that stuff has gotta go and it has to go for good.
I suppose I've realized how much of a man child I am through this process. Eff that noise, it's time to be a man.
Quitting is such a wonderful thing. Well done.
You are doing great, pbr. It is amazing how much we learn about ourselves through this process of quitting.
Day 78:
This whole quitting thing has been pretty darn hard since Grandma passed away. Not only have I dealt with the grieving process, but it ruined my wife and I's vacation. Thankfully I was able to recoup the dollars invested in hotels, and such. I've been faced with a lot of mind games: More then I'd like.
"Just one won't hurt".
Boy, that's a lie there. I know what that leads to. Quitting this, has to be for life.
My wife had cancer last year, and my dad is currently fighting bone cancer. Life never stops, but neither does my quit. Fight on!
The key is that whatever happens around us, we have control over our actions. I couldn't say that when I was a slave to the tin. Now that I've fought for my freedom I will not let go of it. I will post roll again tomorrow. B)B
-
Day 66.
I in no way want to indicate that this fight is over. I understand that all it takes is a moment of weakness and lack of integrity to go right back to where I was.
However, I wanted to just say this to people who are on the fence about quitting or at the beginning of their quit. It gets better. It gets so much better.
There are many days where I don't even think about nicotine at all. If I do have the thought, seldom does it last.
I want to be a man of integrity though. I've realized there are many things I've been addicted to or currently am addicted to that have to change. I lie more than I'd like to. Hell, I lied about dip and kept it hidden from my wife for years.
I love my bourbon and have an intense collection, but if I'm honest, I drink too often and too much. Then there's the whole porn thing. Yeah, that stuff has gotta go and it has to go for good.
I suppose I've realized how much of a man child I am through this process. Eff that noise, it's time to be a man.
Quitting is such a wonderful thing. Well done.
You are doing great, pbr. It is amazing how much we learn about ourselves through this process of quitting.
Day 78:
This whole quitting thing has been pretty darn hard since Grandma passed away. Not only have I dealt with the grieving process, but it ruined my wife and I's vacation. Thankfully I was able to recoup the dollars invested in hotels, and such. I've been faced with a lot of mind games: More then I'd like.
"Just one won't hurt".
Boy, that's a lie there. I know what that leads to. Quitting this, has to be for life.
My wife had cancer last year, and my dad is currently fighting bone cancer. Life never stops, but neither does my quit. Fight on!
The key is that whatever happens around us, we have control over our actions. I couldn't say that when I was a slave to the tin. Now that I've fought for my freedom I will not let go of it. I will post roll again tomorrow. B)B
Great intro pbr......
Made my quit stronger today sir.
One problem + nicotine = Two Problems.
I Quit with you and your thorns today.
Rawls 847
-
'party' Congrats on your HOF today, pbr!!!! 'party'
'party2'
-
'party' Congrats on your HOF today, pbr!!!! 'party'
'party2'
PBR!
Congrats on your 100 days quit brother!
-
'party' Congrats on your HOF today, pbr!!!! 'party'
'party2'
PBR!
Congrats on your 100 days quit brother!
Hope you enjoy some real BBQ today (not that shit people from Texas think is BBQ - I'm talking the kind you eat on a daily basis here in KC!)
Congratulations on your first milestone, dude. This is a big one. As good as today feels, there is so much upside that you can't even believe it. Keep posting roll - it works.
Enjoy this big victory!
--worktowin
-
'party' Congrats on your HOF today, pbr!!!! 'party'
'party2'
PBR!
Congrats on your 100 days quit brother!
Hope you enjoy some real BBQ today (not that shit people from Texas think is BBQ - I'm talking the kind you eat on a daily basis here in KC!)
Congratulations on your first milestone, dude. This is a big one. As good as today feels, there is so much upside that you can't even believe it. Keep posting roll - it works.
Enjoy this big victory!
--worktowin
Awesome! You went from lurker to winner! I'm proud to quit with you today! :)