KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Ted on October 12, 2013, 08:30:00 PM
-
Finally broke. Finally admitted dip was kicking my ass, taking my life, my heart, mind and soul in a twisted way. Couldn't admit it controlled me. I've quit a thousand times, once for 6 years but still came back. The worst part is being alone with the addiction. Alone with the fear. Started before college, stopped once for 6 years, but figure I've dipped for about 12 years. Cope for 5 years, then Skoal Mint, then both. At least a can a day. I've had infected tonsils, sore throats, numb lips, sores and every time I was terrified I had cancer but kept dipping, in fear and anger and utterly hating myself.
My family never knew. I was keeping a secret and living a lie. Then back in June my 11 year old daughter took a drink from a spit cup I left out by accident. My two kids cried when they found out I was dipping, they thought it meant I would die right away. From that day on, my 8 year old son asked me EVERY day if I was still dipping. It broke my heart to tell him the truth and then keep dipping. I broke his heart every day and he kept asking every day. I'm an asshole. I'm that broken, selfish and addicted. Weak. Powerless. I've played the victim card long enough. I'm two days into my quit. I am thankful to have stumbled onto Killthecan at 1AM the night before last. I registered and posted roll.
The next morning I was struggling with the idea of getting a can of dip on the way to work. But I got a note from one of you guys encouraging me. Right on the spot, I broke. Totally burst and broke down and cried like I was a kid. For the first time ever I wasn't fighting this fucking addiction alone. I sat there and sobbed like a dumbass because I was free. Empowered. In control. The truth, my truth, is out there with this community...and I'm free. The truth set me free to face this head on but not by will power but truth. I have to believe this relates to knowing the truth and the truth setting you free. I'm free. I don't ever want to be chained again but have to admit I need help. I need you guys.
About me: I'm 45. Married 16 years to a wonderful woman. Have a daughter 11, son 8. I'm a Christian but only by the grace of God. I have been a runner all my life. Road and trail races from 5k to 50milers. Then broke my ankle and have had two surgeries. Raised in Maine. Played foot ball, won a couple individual state titles in wrestling and have always worked in construction. No greater satisfaction for me than gutting an old home and making it groovy. Since college my career has revolved around designing, developing and marketing consumer products. I am Director of Innovation for a fitness products company and love it. I'm doing better than I deserve.
That's it.
Give me your number if you need anything. I'll talk you through the knot holes if you're struggling and about to walk into the convenience store for "just one dip".
Tibor
(aka "Ted")
-
Finally broke. Finally admitted dip was kicking my ass, taking my life, my heart, mind and soul in a twisted way. Couldn't admit it controlled me. I've quit a thousand times, once for 6 years but still came back. The worst part is being alone with the addiction. Alone with the fear. Started before college, stopped once for 6 years, but figure I've dipped for about 12 years. Cope for 5 years, then Skoal Mint, then both. At least a can a day. I've had infected tonsils, sore throats, numb lips, sores and every time I was terrified I had cancer but kept dipping, in fear and anger and utterly hating myself.
My family never knew. I was keeping a secret and living a lie. Then back in June my 11 year old daughter took a drink from a spit cup I left out by accident. My two kids cried when they found out I was dipping, they thought it meant I would die right away. From that day on, my 8 year old son asked me EVERY day if I was still dipping. It broke my heart to tell him the truth and then keep dipping. I broke his heart every day and he kept asking every day. I'm an asshole. I'm that broken, selfish and addicted. Weak. Powerless. I've played the victim card long enough. I'm two days into my quit. I am thankful to have stumbled onto Killthecan at 1AM the night before last. I registered and posted roll.
The next morning I was struggling with the idea of getting a can of dip on the way to work. But I got a note from one of you guys encouraging me. Right on the spot, I broke. Totally burst and broke down and cried like I was a kid. For the first time ever I wasn't fighting this fucking addiction alone. I sat there and sobbed like a dumbass because I was free. Empowered. In control. The truth, my truth, is out there with this community...and I'm free. The truth set me free to face this head on but not by will power but truth. I have to believe this relates to knowing the truth and the truth setting you free. I'm free. I don't ever want to be chained again but have to admit I need help. I need you guys.
About me: I'm 45. Married 16 years to a wonderful woman. Have a daughter 11, son 8. I'm a Christian but only by the grace of God. I have been a runner all my life. Road and trail races from 5k to 50milers. Then broke my ankle and have had two surgeries. Raised in Maine. Played foot ball, won a couple individual state titles in wrestling and have always worked in construction. No greater satisfaction for me than gutting an old home and making it groovy. Since college my career has revolved around designing, developing and marketing consumer products. I am Director of Innovation for a fitness products company and love it. I'm doing better than I deserve.
That's it.
Give me your number if you need anything. I'll talk you through the knot holes if you're struggling and about to walk into the convenience store for "just one dip".
Tibor
(aka "Ted")
Ted,
I am with you here. I have broken down 3 out of the past seven nights of this quit. There is some terrible irony that i cant sleep but am simultaniously exhasted. Do you still reside in maine? My wife and i visited there for the first time this past july. We went to boothe bay which is likely a place you hate for tourist reasons. I entered a rock skipping competiton there. Yeah, no shit. It was sponsered by the local candy shop. I scouted for rocks with my wife the night before and realized that your rocks suck. No getting around it. Here in Buffalo ny we have sedementary rock which form sweet little layers of perfectly flat, 1/4" thick, surface tension defying magic. You guys have rocks that might be flattened to something shy of 1/2 width over height. Needless to say i did not place in the competition with only seven skips. Next year i bring my own rocks.
The point i was trying to get to is that i remember that day because as it was my turn to do my three skips, i walked past a really pretty mom. Her kids were in the competition. She smiled at me and i could only nod back to here because i had a face full of spit that needed to be "subtley" deposited on the beach. How fucking embarassing. My wife and her got to chatting later and we became casual aquaintances for the weekend. I want no more first impressions like this. I dont want to come to your awessome state and spit cancer juice on it.
Stay strong through the withdrawl. Let me know your thoughts.
-Neil aka grizzfall
-
Finally broke. Finally admitted dip was kicking my ass, taking my life, my heart, mind and soul in a twisted way. Couldn't admit it controlled me. I've quit a thousand times, once for 6 years but still came back. The worst part is being alone with the addiction. Alone with the fear. Started before college, stopped once for 6 years, but figure I've dipped for about 12 years. Cope for 5 years, then Skoal Mint, then both. At least a can a day. I've had infected tonsils, sore throats, numb lips, sores and every time I was terrified I had cancer but kept dipping, in fear and anger and utterly hating myself.
My family never knew. I was keeping a secret and living a lie. Then back in June my 11 year old daughter took a drink from a spit cup I left out by accident. My two kids cried when they found out I was dipping, they thought it meant I would die right away. From that day on, my 8 year old son asked me EVERY day if I was still dipping. It broke my heart to tell him the truth and then keep dipping. I broke his heart every day and he kept asking every day. I'm an asshole. I'm that broken, selfish and addicted. Weak. Powerless. I've played the victim card long enough. I'm two days into my quit. I am thankful to have stumbled onto Killthecan at 1AM the night before last. I registered and posted roll.
The next morning I was struggling with the idea of getting a can of dip on the way to work. But I got a note from one of you guys encouraging me. Right on the spot, I broke. Totally burst and broke down and cried like I was a kid. For the first time ever I wasn't fighting this fucking addiction alone. I sat there and sobbed like a dumbass because I was free. Empowered. In control. The truth, my truth, is out there with this community...and I'm free. The truth set me free to face this head on but not by will power but truth. I have to believe this relates to knowing the truth and the truth setting you free. I'm free. I don't ever want to be chained again but have to admit I need help. I need you guys.Â
About me: I'm 45. Married 16 years to a wonderful woman. Have a daughter 11, son 8. I'm a Christian but only by the grace of God. I have been a runner all my life. Road and trail races from 5k to 50milers. Then broke my ankle and have had two surgeries. Raised in Maine. Played foot ball, won a couple individual state titles in wrestling and have always worked in construction. No greater satisfaction for me than gutting an old home and making it groovy. Since college my career has revolved around designing, developing and marketing consumer products. I am Director of Innovation for a fitness products company and love it. I'm doing better than I deserve.
That's it.
Give me your number if you need anything. I'll talk you through the knot holes if you're struggling and about to walk into the convenience store for "just one dip".
Tibor
(aka "Ted")
Ted,
I am with you here. I have broken down 3 out of the past seven nights of this quit. There is some terrible irony that i cant sleep but am simultaniously exhasted. Do you still reside in maine? My wife and i visited there for the first time this past july. We went to boothe bay which is likely a place you hate for tourist reasons. I entered a rock skipping competiton there. Yeah, no shit. It was sponsered by the local candy shop. I scouted for rocks with my wife the night before and realized that your rocks suck. No getting around it. Here in Buffalo ny we have sedementary rock which form sweet little layers of perfectly flat, 1/4" thick, surface tension defying magic. You guys have rocks that might be flattened to something shy of 1/2 width over height. Needless to say i did not place in the competition with only seven skips. Next year i bring my own rocks.
The point i was trying to get to is that i remember that day because as it was my turn to do my three skips, i walked past a really pretty mom. Her kids were in the competition. She smiled at me and i could only nod back to here because i had a face full of spit that needed to be "subtley" deposited on the beach. How fucking embarassing. My wife and her got to chatting later and we became casual aquaintances for the weekend. I want no more first impressions like this. I dont want to come to your awessome state and spit cancer juice on it.
Stay strong through the withdrawl. Let me know your thoughts.
-Neil aka grizzfall
Ted......Bravo on an amazing intro that feels authentic.....me, 45, 2 boys, a can of cope a day.....very similar to you...that is until 559 days ago.....you got this....you need me, ping me......i got your back.....FUCK THIS BITCH.....you get me???? #ithinkwehaveaquitterboys
-
Finally broke. Finally admitted dip was kicking my ass, taking my life, my heart, mind and soul in a twisted way. Couldn't admit it controlled me. I've quit a thousand times, once for 6 years but still came back. The worst part is being alone with the addiction. Alone with the fear. Started before college, stopped once for 6 years, but figure I've dipped for about 12 years. Cope for 5 years, then Skoal Mint, then both. At least a can a day. I've had infected tonsils, sore throats, numb lips, sores and every time I was terrified I had cancer but kept dipping, in fear and anger and utterly hating myself.
My family never knew. I was keeping a secret and living a lie. Then back in June my 11 year old daughter took a drink from a spit cup I left out by accident. My two kids cried when they found out I was dipping, they thought it meant I would die right away. From that day on, my 8 year old son asked me EVERY day if I was still dipping. It broke my heart to tell him the truth and then keep dipping. I broke his heart every day and he kept asking every day. I'm an asshole. I'm that broken, selfish and addicted. Weak. Powerless. I've played the victim card long enough. I'm two days into my quit. I am thankful to have stumbled onto Killthecan at 1AM the night before last. I registered and posted roll.
The next morning I was struggling with the idea of getting a can of dip on the way to work. But I got a note from one of you guys encouraging me. Right on the spot, I broke. Totally burst and broke down and cried like I was a kid. For the first time ever I wasn't fighting this fucking addiction alone. I sat there and sobbed like a dumbass because I was free. Empowered. In control. The truth, my truth, is out there with this community...and I'm free. The truth set me free to face this head on but not by will power but truth. I have to believe this relates to knowing the truth and the truth setting you free. I'm free. I don't ever want to be chained again but have to admit I need help. I need you guys. Â
About me: I'm 45. Married 16 years to a wonderful woman. Have a daughter 11, son 8. I'm a Christian but only by the grace of God. I have been a runner all my life. Road and trail races from 5k to 50milers. Then broke my ankle and have had two surgeries. Raised in Maine. Played foot ball, won a couple individual state titles in wrestling and have always worked in construction. No greater satisfaction for me than gutting an old home and making it groovy. Since college my career has revolved around designing, developing and marketing consumer products. I am Director of Innovation for a fitness products company and love it. I'm doing better than I deserve.
That's it.
Give me your number if you need anything. I'll talk you through the knot holes if you're struggling and about to walk into the convenience store for "just one dip".
Tibor
(aka "Ted")
Ted,
I am with you here. I have broken down 3 out of the past seven nights of this quit. There is some terrible irony that i cant sleep but am simultaniously exhasted. Do you still reside in maine? My wife and i visited there for the first time this past july. We went to boothe bay which is likely a place you hate for tourist reasons. I entered a rock skipping competiton there. Yeah, no shit. It was sponsered by the local candy shop. I scouted for rocks with my wife the night before and realized that your rocks suck. No getting around it. Here in Buffalo ny we have sedementary rock which form sweet little layers of perfectly flat, 1/4" thick, surface tension defying magic. You guys have rocks that might be flattened to something shy of 1/2 width over height. Needless to say i did not place in the competition with only seven skips. Next year i bring my own rocks.
The point i was trying to get to is that i remember that day because as it was my turn to do my three skips, i walked past a really pretty mom. Her kids were in the competition. She smiled at me and i could only nod back to here because i had a face full of spit that needed to be "subtley" deposited on the beach. How fucking embarassing. My wife and her got to chatting later and we became casual aquaintances for the weekend. I want no more first impressions like this. I dont want to come to your awessome state and spit cancer juice on it.
Stay strong through the withdrawl. Let me know your thoughts.
-Neil aka grizzfall
Ted......Bravo on an amazing intro that feels authentic.....me, 45, 2 boys, a can of cope a day.....very similar to you...that is until 559 days ago.....you got this....you need me, ping me......i got your back.....FUCK THIS BITCH.....you get me???? #ithinkwehaveaquitterboys
I'm with Cleanfuel and I quit the same time as him. 56 year old ninja dipper for 40+ years. You can do it one day at a time. Pm me if you want to talk.
-
Finally broke. Finally admitted dip was kicking my ass, taking my life, my heart, mind and soul in a twisted way. Couldn't admit it controlled me. I've quit a thousand times, once for 6 years but still came back. The worst part is being alone with the addiction. Alone with the fear. Started before college, stopped once for 6 years, but figure I've dipped for about 12 years. Cope for 5 years, then Skoal Mint, then both. At least a can a day. I've had infected tonsils, sore throats, numb lips, sores and every time I was terrified I had cancer but kept dipping, in fear and anger and utterly hating myself.
My family never knew. I was keeping a secret and living a lie. Then back in June my 11 year old daughter took a drink from a spit cup I left out by accident. My two kids cried when they found out I was dipping, they thought it meant I would die right away. From that day on, my 8 year old son asked me EVERY day if I was still dipping. It broke my heart to tell him the truth and then keep dipping. I broke his heart every day and he kept asking every day. I'm an asshole. I'm that broken, selfish and addicted. Weak. Powerless. I've played the victim card long enough. I'm two days into my quit. I am thankful to have stumbled onto Killthecan at 1AM the night before last. I registered and posted roll.
The next morning I was struggling with the idea of getting a can of dip on the way to work. But I got a note from one of you guys encouraging me. Right on the spot, I broke. Totally burst and broke down and cried like I was a kid. For the first time ever I wasn't fighting this fucking addiction alone. I sat there and sobbed like a dumbass because I was free. Empowered. In control. The truth, my truth, is out there with this community...and I'm free. The truth set me free to face this head on but not by will power but truth. I have to believe this relates to knowing the truth and the truth setting you free. I'm free. I don't ever want to be chained again but have to admit I need help. I need you guys.Â
About me: I'm 45. Married 16 years to a wonderful woman. Have a daughter 11, son 8. I'm a Christian but only by the grace of God. I have been a runner all my life. Road and trail races from 5k to 50milers. Then broke my ankle and have had two surgeries. Raised in Maine. Played foot ball, won a couple individual state titles in wrestling and have always worked in construction. No greater satisfaction for me than gutting an old home and making it groovy. Since college my career has revolved around designing, developing and marketing consumer products. I am Director of Innovation for a fitness products company and love it. I'm doing better than I deserve.
That's it.
Give me your number if you need anything. I'll talk you through the knot holes if you're struggling and about to walk into the convenience store for "just one dip".
Tibor
(aka "Ted")
Ted,
I am with you here. I have broken down 3 out of the past seven nights of this quit. There is some terrible irony that i cant sleep but am simultaniously exhasted. Do you still reside in maine? My wife and i visited there for the first time this past july. We went to boothe bay which is likely a place you hate for tourist reasons. I entered a rock skipping competiton there. Yeah, no shit. It was sponsered by the local candy shop. I scouted for rocks with my wife the night before and realized that your rocks suck. No getting around it. Here in Buffalo ny we have sedementary rock which form sweet little layers of perfectly flat, 1/4" thick, surface tension defying magic. You guys have rocks that might be flattened to something shy of 1/2 width over height. Needless to say i did not place in the competition with only seven skips. Next year i bring my own rocks.
The point i was trying to get to is that i remember that day because as it was my turn to do my three skips, i walked past a really pretty mom. Her kids were in the competition. She smiled at me and i could only nod back to here because i had a face full of spit that needed to be "subtley" deposited on the beach. How fucking embarassing. My wife and her got to chatting later and we became casual aquaintances for the weekend. I want no more first impressions like this. I dont want to come to your awessome state and spit cancer juice on it.
Stay strong through the withdrawl. Let me know your thoughts.
-Neil aka grizzfall
Thanks for the note Grizzfall.
We live in Norman, OK. My family is still in Maine and I take my family up every other Christmas and other times to visit when we can. We live in the White Mountain national forest, southwestern Maine, on the NH border. It is a spectacular part of the country but yeah, the rocks for skipping may be worst in the northern hemisphere. So, if you're one to plan your vacation activities ahead of time and if you're the type to sort your desired activities by degrees of 'fun' or 'delight', always put 'rock skipping' lower in the hierarchy when going to Maine.
The cravings are hard right now but somehow easier than all the times I've quit before KTC. Knowing I'm in this with other guys changes things and makes me KNOW this quit is it. Sleep is weird. Waking up is like coming out of a coma.
But going to sleep is a battle.
Stay strong Grizz.
Ted
-
Glad to be quit with you, Ted! Keep it up brother and protect your quit because your life depends on it.
-
Glad to be quit with you, Ted! Keep it up brother and protect your quit because your life depends on it.
Liked the intro Ted. Sounded like you're thinking is headed in the right direction. Post roll and keep your promise one day at a time and you can have back a lot of what the poison has stolen. Never again for any reason and you can keep it. Need a number let me know. Glad to be quit with you.
-
Ted, great intro. Also glad to have someone a little closer to home. Awfully lonely here in NH (http://www.killthecan.org/about-us/who-we-are/) If you really want this, then you got this. Proud to call you a brother and be quit with you.
Dave
-
Norman...huh.....
I don't really want to say it but it's been so many years since I have been able to...
....ok... I am not saying it....ummm...Hook Em Horns.....
Now that that is out of the way, welcome aboard. if you read through the other intro's you may see some of my same words on them but they always hold true so I will just repeat them...
You are in for one nasty fight but you have the tools here to make it.
Read everything on here, post roll call each morning and don't dip. Wow....that sounds so easy, doesn't it?
Go load yourself up with gum, mints, fake chew, seeds and beef jerky. Also get some member phone numbers right now, they will help you through the rough parts.
Next, exercise to exhaustion every single day and drink so much water that you feel like you may bust. Both of these will help.
Make sure your wife reads about what you are going through. 99% chance that you are going to be a short fussed dick for the next 3-4 weeks. Try not to take it out on her and the kids. Get on here and take it out on us, we will be fine.
I quit with you.
-
You can do this Ted. Baby steps when you need. You're already giant leaps from where you started.
Keep it going.
-
You've found the right place, Ted.
Quit on!
PHALL (BGSUFalcons) Nov. 13
-
Ted,
What an inspiring intro. You have the right mentality. I am still new to my quit at day 61, and am thankful each day to have found this site. It is amazing to have suppport and accountability from people who have been where you are. Remember that each day is a promise to your quit group, and everyone on this site who is struggling through third quit. Post roll everyday, and take your life back one day at a time!
Finny
-
Welcome to KTC Ted...and nice job of posting roll this morning. You have received some sound advice from some very sound quitters. Take it to heart and utilize all the tools that you have been introduced to. PM me if you need anything.
-
Ted, I was in your shoes for over 30 years myself. I was a ninja and my wife never knew I dipped or smoked. I had only "tried" dip and hated it. I "only bummed smokes in a bar". All lies as I averaged a can a day all behind my wife's and daughter's backs. I have found out since that my daughter knew after drinking out a a nasty diet coke can spitter in my truck. Ted, I hope you have come completely clean with your wife and family. You MUST do this if your quit is going to stick for the long haul. I have been off that crap for over 5 years and I still miss it at times......BUT not enough to ever stuff my lip with that life sucking crap ever again!!!! I live in TX and come to OK on business from time to time. I would like to meet you sometime when I come up your way if you are interested. There are also several sstrong quitters in the OKC that are always up for a beer. Meeting other quitters will cement your quit!!! Send me a PM if you would like to talk.
Kdip - Day 1869
-
Being new to KTC have to tell you its tough to describe how cool it is to have the support. My sincere thanks for the messages. I definitely want to connect and take any excuse to meet up with you guys in or near OKC. Beer in OKC? Good grief YES. I'll send you my info.
Ted
Day 7 of a new life
-
Being new to KTC have to tell you its tough to describe how cool it is to have the support. My sincere thanks for the messages. I definitely want to connect and take any excuse to meet up with you guys in or near OKC. Beer in OKC? Good grief YES. I'll send you my info.
Ted
Day 7 of a new life
KEEP UP THE WORK
-
Gotta say it was a real honor and pleasure to meet you Ted, a fellow Jan 14 Nic Killer! Since you are not on the boards much but are a stalwart roll poster and firmly committed to a strong quit, I was glad to grab a burger beer and share some conversation. Means a lot to meet a fellow quitter in person!
-
Gotta say it was a real honor and pleasure to meet you Ted, a fellow Jan 14 Nic Killer! Since you are not on the boards much but are a stalwart roll poster and firmly committed to a strong quit, I was glad to grab a burger beer and share some conversation. Means a lot to meet a fellow quitter in person!
Thanks for posting this today, so that Ted's intro popped up near the top. I hadn't read it, and it made my quit stronger today.
-
Gotta say it was a real honor and pleasure to meet you Ted, a fellow Jan 14 Nic Killer! Since you are not on the boards much but are a stalwart roll poster and firmly committed to a strong quit, I was glad to grab a burger beer and share some conversation. Means a lot to meet a fellow quitter in person!
Thanks for posting this today, so that Ted's intro popped up near the top. I hadn't read it, and it made my quit stronger today.
Damn. If this intro doesn't strengthen your resolve to stay quit, you're the Tinman. Thanks Ted.
-
Finally broke. Finally admitted dip was kicking my ass, taking my life, my heart, mind and soul in a twisted way. Couldn't admit it controlled me. I've quit a thousand times, once for 6 years but still came back. The worst part is being alone with the addiction. Alone with the fear. Started before college, stopped once for 6 years, but figure I've dipped for about 12 years. Cope for 5 years, then Skoal Mint, then both. At least a can a day. I've had infected tonsils, sore throats, numb lips, sores and every time I was terrified I had cancer but kept dipping, in fear and anger and utterly hating myself.
My family never knew. I was keeping a secret and living a lie. Then back in June my 11 year old daughter took a drink from a spit cup I left out by accident. My two kids cried when they found out I was dipping, they thought it meant I would die right away. From that day on, my 8 year old son asked me EVERY day if I was still dipping. It broke my heart to tell him the truth and then keep dipping. I broke his heart every day and he kept asking every day. I'm an asshole. I'm that broken, selfish and addicted. Weak. Powerless. I've played the victim card long enough. I'm two days into my quit. I am thankful to have stumbled onto Killthecan at 1AM the night before last. I registered and posted roll.
The next morning I was struggling with the idea of getting a can of dip on the way to work. But I got a note from one of you guys encouraging me. Right on the spot, I broke. Totally burst and broke down and cried like I was a kid. For the first time ever I wasn't fighting this fucking addiction alone. I sat there and sobbed like a dumbass because I was free. Empowered. In control. The truth, my truth, is out there with this community...and I'm free. The truth set me free to face this head on but not by will power but truth. I have to believe this relates to knowing the truth and the truth setting you free. I'm free. I don't ever want to be chained again but have to admit I need help. I need you guys.
About me: I'm 45. Married 16 years to a wonderful woman. Have a daughter 11, son 8. I'm a Christian but only by the grace of God. I have been a runner all my life. Road and trail races from 5k to 50milers. Then broke my ankle and have had two surgeries. Raised in Maine. Played foot ball, won a couple individual state titles in wrestling and have always worked in construction. No greater satisfaction for me than gutting an old home and making it groovy. Since college my career has revolved around designing, developing and marketing consumer products. I am Director of Innovation for a fitness products company and love it. I'm doing better than I deserve.
That's it.
Give me your number if you need anything. I'll talk you through the knot holes if you're struggling and about to walk into the convenience store for "just one dip".
Tibor
(aka "Ted")
Powerful stuff, Ted. Thanks for sharing.
-
Finally broke. Finally admitted dip was kicking my ass, taking my life, my heart, mind and soul in a twisted way. Couldn't admit it controlled me. I've quit a thousand times, once for 6 years but still came back. The worst part is being alone with the addiction. Alone with the fear. Started before college, stopped once for 6 years, but figure I've dipped for about 12 years. Cope for 5 years, then Skoal Mint, then both. At least a can a day. I've had infected tonsils, sore throats, numb lips, sores and every time I was terrified I had cancer but kept dipping, in fear and anger and utterly hating myself.
My family never knew. I was keeping a secret and living a lie. Then back in June my 11 year old daughter took a drink from a spit cup I left out by accident. My two kids cried when they found out I was dipping, they thought it meant I would die right away. From that day on, my 8 year old son asked me EVERY day if I was still dipping. It broke my heart to tell him the truth and then keep dipping. I broke his heart every day and he kept asking every day. I'm an asshole. I'm that broken, selfish and addicted. Weak. Powerless. I've played the victim card long enough. I'm two days into my quit. I am thankful to have stumbled onto Killthecan at 1AM the night before last. I registered and posted roll.
The next morning I was struggling with the idea of getting a can of dip on the way to work. But I got a note from one of you guys encouraging me. Right on the spot, I broke. Totally burst and broke down and cried like I was a kid. For the first time ever I wasn't fighting this fucking addiction alone. I sat there and sobbed like a dumbass because I was free. Empowered. In control. The truth, my truth, is out there with this community...and I'm free. The truth set me free to face this head on but not by will power but truth. I have to believe this relates to knowing the truth and the truth setting you free. I'm free. I don't ever want to be chained again but have to admit I need help. I need you guys.
About me: I'm 45. Married 16 years to a wonderful woman. Have a daughter 11, son 8. I'm a Christian but only by the grace of God. I have been a runner all my life. Road and trail races from 5k to 50milers. Then broke my ankle and have had two surgeries. Raised in Maine. Played foot ball, won a couple individual state titles in wrestling and have always worked in construction. No greater satisfaction for me than gutting an old home and making it groovy. Since college my career has revolved around designing, developing and marketing consumer products. I am Director of Innovation for a fitness products company and love it. I'm doing better than I deserve.
That's it.
Give me your number if you need anything. I'll talk you through the knot holes if you're struggling and about to walk into the convenience store for "just one dip".
Tibor
(aka "Ted")
Powerful stuff, Ted. Thanks for sharing.
Wow Ted! Inspiring and brutally honest introduction. That means a lot to a young quitter like myself. I don't have a spouse/girlfriend. I don't have any kids. What I do appreciate is honesty, and owning up to your addiction and, controlling your quit. Quitting w/you today!
-
Ted, I like your style and quit with you today.
-
Finally broke. Finally admitted dip was kicking my ass, taking my life, my heart, mind and soul in a twisted way. Couldn't admit it controlled me. I've quit a thousand times, once for 6 years but still came back. The worst part is being alone with the addiction. Alone with the fear. Started before college, stopped once for 6 years, but figure I've dipped for about 12 years. Cope for 5 years, then Skoal Mint, then both. At least a can a day. I've had infected tonsils, sore throats, numb lips, sores and every time I was terrified I had cancer but kept dipping, in fear and anger and utterly hating myself.
My family never knew. I was keeping a secret and living a lie. Then back in June my 11 year old daughter took a drink from a spit cup I left out by accident. My two kids cried when they found out I was dipping, they thought it meant I would die right away. From that day on, my 8 year old son asked me EVERY day if I was still dipping. It broke my heart to tell him the truth and then keep dipping. I broke his heart every day and he kept asking every day. I'm an asshole. I'm that broken, selfish and addicted. Weak. Powerless. I've played the victim card long enough. I'm two days into my quit. I am thankful to have stumbled onto Killthecan at 1AM the night before last. I registered and posted roll.
The next morning I was struggling with the idea of getting a can of dip on the way to work. But I got a note from one of you guys encouraging me. Right on the spot, I broke. Totally burst and broke down and cried like I was a kid. For the first time ever I wasn't fighting this fucking addiction alone. I sat there and sobbed like a dumbass because I was free. Empowered. In control. The truth, my truth, is out there with this community...and I'm free. The truth set me free to face this head on but not by will power but truth. I have to believe this relates to knowing the truth and the truth setting you free. I'm free. I don't ever want to be chained again but have to admit I need help. I need you guys.
About me: I'm 45. Married 16 years to a wonderful woman. Have a daughter 11, son 8. I'm a Christian but only by the grace of God. I have been a runner all my life. Road and trail races from 5k to 50milers. Then broke my ankle and have had two surgeries. Raised in Maine. Played foot ball, won a couple individual state titles in wrestling and have always worked in construction. No greater satisfaction for me than gutting an old home and making it groovy. Since college my career has revolved around designing, developing and marketing consumer products. I am Director of Innovation for a fitness products company and love it. I'm doing better than I deserve.
That's it.
Give me your number if you need anything. I'll talk you through the knot holes if you're struggling and about to walk into the convenience store for "just one dip".
Tibor
(aka "Ted")
Ted,
I am with you here. I have broken down 3 out of the past seven nights of this quit. There is some terrible irony that i cant sleep but am simultaniously exhasted. Do you still reside in maine? My wife and i visited there for the first time this past july. We went to boothe bay which is likely a place you hate for tourist reasons. I entered a rock skipping competiton there. Yeah, no shit. It was sponsered by the local candy shop. I scouted for rocks with my wife the night before and realized that your rocks suck. No getting around it. Here in Buffalo ny we have sedementary rock which form sweet little layers of perfectly flat, 1/4" thick, surface tension defying magic. You guys have rocks that might be flattened to something shy of 1/2 width over height. Needless to say i did not place in the competition with only seven skips. Next year i bring my own rocks.
The point i was trying to get to is that i remember that day because as it was my turn to do my three skips, i walked past a really pretty mom. Her kids were in the competition. She smiled at me and i could only nod back to here because i had a face full of spit that needed to be "subtley" deposited on the beach. How fucking embarassing. My wife and her got to chatting later and we became casual aquaintances for the weekend. I want no more first impressions like this. I dont want to come to your awessome state and spit cancer juice on it.
Stay strong through the withdrawl. Let me know your thoughts.
-Neil aka grizzfall
Slug,
I feel you. I met my wife's co-workers with a face full of tobacco. So embarrassing. I am glad I will no longer have any first impressions like that. People probably think I'm a turd (those who have seen me with a face full of chew). I'm lucky my wife didn't say anything, I know she was probably embarrassed too.
-
Congrats on the 1 year! Truly Fucking Awesome!
-
Congrats on the 1 year! Truly Fucking Awesome!
Who is Ted? One bad-ass of a quit brother of mine and all the killers! A model of consistency, and an inspiration to many newer quitters he's reached out to. Congrats!! Savor the accomplishment- you really should. Then post another day tomorrow!
-
Congrats on the 1 year! Truly Fucking Awesome!
Who is Ted? One bad-ass of a quit brother of mine and all the killers! A model of consistency, and an inspiration to many newer quitters he's reached out to. Congrats!! Savor the accomplishment- you really should. Then post another day tomorrow!
Brett you know this guy better than me. All I got to say is that is one good year of freedom for TED!!!! Enjoy another day tomorrow man!!!!
-
Congrats on the 1 year! Truly Fucking Awesome!
Who is Ted? One bad-ass of a quit brother of mine and all the killers! A model of consistency, and an inspiration to many newer quitters he's reached out to. Congrats!! Savor the accomplishment- you really should. Then post another day tomorrow!
Brett you know this guy better than me. All I got to say is that is one good year of freedom for TED!!!! Enjoy another day tomorrow man!!!!
Congrats on 365! Enjoyed reading the intro- struck a cord! Quit with you!