KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Jeff W on December 06, 2016, 08:32:00 AM
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My intro is a bit late, but partaking in everything else this site has to offer figured I might as well write an intro too. I'm 32 yrs old married with 2 kids. My story is no different than everyone else on this site. I started dipping when I was 18 my freshman year of college. Tried to quit on my own multiple times after I graduated and failed. I prayed for strength and guidance to help me quit and the good Lord answered and it scared the crap out of me. 34 days ago I chose to quit, 2 days prior I prayed. Crazy shit happened, I work in the oilfield and was heading out to location with a fat hoss in my lip thinking about how I was going to quit when i work 12-15 hr days and 95% of my coworkers dip. Well that day I felt a bump on the inside of my lower jaw under my tongue. Freaked me out, I still had 3 days left in my hitch before I got to go home, I spent the next few days googling mouth cancer making things worse. I thought for sure I had cancer. I was a grown ass man crying in the bathroom. Decided to make a dentist appt for when I got home. After calling the dentist I quit on 11/3/16. I quit the first 2 days on my own and googled tips to quit chewing and found KTC. I truly believe God led me here, the lump in my mouth provided the scare of my life which provided the strength I needed to decide to quit and KTC is the guidance I prayed for. Long story short, I went to the dentist and was diagnosed with Mandibular Tori , which I guess is fairly common and quite often mistaken as cancer by people who have it. Essentially it is a benign growth of bone on the backside of your jaw. They don't really know what causes it. Anyhow, those 3 days of "knowing for sure I had cancer" are burned into me now and are the fuel I need to keep going. I will walk my daughter down the aisle and I will see my grandchildren one day!
Thank you to everyone at KTC that has given me support so far!
I quit with all of you EDD!
Jeff W.
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Wow Jeff- glad you had that experience to get you on the right path with all of us! it is a battle, through and through, but it can certainly cost you your life if you play to lose.
stay close to the site. you will have good days and stretches of bad days. proud to be quit with you today and for the future of tomorrow.
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Stay strong and keep posting roll!
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I'm damn proud to quit with you Jeff!
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Stay strong and keep posting roll!
Welcome aboard Jeff! Keep posting roll Early EDD Odaat and you will be fine! Damn proud to be quit with you today!
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Hell yea!!
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Welcome Jeff! At some point, you are going to have to reach deep inside you and find something other than the fear of death to keep you quit. You will soon lose your fear of getting cancer.
I quit simply because, after using tobacco for 38 years, I was tired of it and wanted to quit. I now put this desire to remain quit, my quit, on a high level of importance. My quit is as important as anything else in my life. Fock cancer. I don't even think about it. I do think about my quit though, every damned day. Every day, I commit myself to my quit.
This is what it takes.
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Jeff it's been great having you as a quit brother. Thanks for all of your support.. Quit on!
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Welcome Jeff! At some point, you are going to have to reach deep inside you and find something other than the fear of death to keep you quit. You will soon lose your fear of getting cancer.
I quit simply because, after using tobacco for 38 years, I was tired of it and wanted to quit. I now put this desire to remain quit, my quit, on a high level of importance. My quit is as important as anything else in my life. Fock cancer. I don't even think about it. I do think about my quit though, every damned day. Every day, I commit myself to my quit.
This is what it takes.
Thanks Irish. You are right and I am sick of dipping. I was just having a conversation with some of my Feb quitters about how pathetic I was. I travel for work. Im gone for 2 weeka away from my wife and kids and i fucking hate it. However i would find myself on my two weeks off anxiously awaiting the day i went back to work so I didnt have to ninja dip anymore. Fucked up I couldnt wait to leave my wife and children for 2 weeks so I could dip in "peace". Every time I would leave I would lie to my wife. She always would say no chewing as i was leaving and i would agree. Then as soon as i pulled the car out of sight lipper goes in. Fucking pathetic....never again! So while the fear of cancer is what pushed me to this site I fucking hate tobacco for making me lie to my wife and kids every day. Today is day 37 and I promise no nicotine for me.
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Welcome Jeff! At some point, you are going to have to reach deep inside you and find something other than the fear of death to keep you quit. You will soon lose your fear of getting cancer.
I quit simply because, after using tobacco for 38 years, I was tired of it and wanted to quit. I now put this desire to remain quit, my quit, on a high level of importance. My quit is as important as anything else in my life. Fock cancer. I don't even think about it. I do think about my quit though, every damned day. Every day, I commit myself to my quit.
This is what it takes.
Thanks Irish. You are right and I am sick of dipping. I was just having a conversation with some of my Feb quitters about how pathetic I was. I travel for work. Im gone for 2 weeka away from my wife and kids and i fucking hate it. However i would find myself on my two weeks off anxiously awaiting the day i went back to work so I didnt have to ninja dip anymore. Fucked up I couldnt wait to leave my wife and children for 2 weeks so I could dip in "peace". Every time I would leave I would lie to my wife. She always would say no chewing as i was leaving and i would agree. Then as soon as i pulled the car out of sight lipper goes in. Fucking pathetic....never again! So while the fear of cancer is what pushed me to this sight I fucking hate tobacco for making me lie to my wife and kids every day. Today is day 37 and I promise no nicotine for me.
That's awesome! isn't unbelievable how strong that weed is? It turned us into liars and in reality, thieves. We stole precious time from our loved ones, time from doing things we shoulda been doing, possible stole years off our lives, it stole some of our teeth, It stole our money, and it stole our soul. All of us are lucky we realized it and can actually steal it back. It's kinda' like beatin' the living Fock outta' someone you catch breaking into your house. Somewhere in the middle of the beatdown you think..."I think I like this. I'm not gonna stop beating this dude until I am 100% positive he's never gonna come back." That's usually at the point where they need dental records to identify him. That's nicotine.
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Welcome Jeff! At some point, you are going to have to reach deep inside you and find something other than the fear of death to keep you quit. You will soon lose your fear of getting cancer.
I quit simply because, after using tobacco for 38 years, I was tired of it and wanted to quit. I now put this desire to remain quit, my quit, on a high level of importance. My quit is as important as anything else in my life. Fock cancer. I don't even think about it. I do think about my quit though, every damned day. Every day, I commit myself to my quit.
This is what it takes.
Thanks Irish. You are right and I am sick of dipping. I was just having a conversation with some of my Feb quitters about how pathetic I was. I travel for work. Im gone for 2 weeka away from my wife and kids and i fucking hate it. However i would find myself on my two weeks off anxiously awaiting the day i went back to work so I didnt have to ninja dip anymore. Fucked up I couldnt wait to leave my wife and children for 2 weeks so I could dip in "peace". Every time I would leave I would lie to my wife. She always would say no chewing as i was leaving and i would agree. Then as soon as i pulled the car out of sight lipper goes in. Fucking pathetic....never again! So while the fear of cancer is what pushed me to this sight I fucking hate tobacco for making me lie to my wife and kids every day. Today is day 37 and I promise no nicotine for me.
That's awesome! isn't unbelievable how strong that weed is? It turned us into liars and in reality, thieves. We stole precious time from our loved ones, time from doing things we shoulda been doing, possible stole years off our lives, it stole some of our teeth, It stole our money, and it stole our soul. All of us are lucky we realized it and can actually steal it back. It's kinda' like beatin' the living Fock outta' someone you catch breaking into your house. Somewhere in the middle of the beatdown you think..."I think I like this. I'm not gonna stop beating this dude until I am 100% positive he's never gonna come back." That's usually at the point where they need dental records to identify him. That's nicotine.
Jeff...I was a ninja dipper myself. I wife had no clue that I used. How messed up is that...lying to your wife for 16 years. I did come clean on day 6 on my quit. Go read my introductions if you want...I wrote about how crazy I was to want to spend time away from my family so I could dip. Now I want to spend time with my family and I really enjoy it. I no longer have to start a fight to get away or work late anymore. I'm a much better person since quitting. Looks like you are also realizing all the added benefits of quitting. Keep writing about your victories and or revelations...because I will be great to go back and reread them....and you might help another person quit too!
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Update on my quit.
Today is Day 43 on my journey. Things have been going pretty well. The fog returned for day 34. I spent the entire day 34 on KTC and texting a few quit buddies. I read almost everything in the Words of Wisdom and HOF speeches which helped a lot. Days 35-36 were pretty easy and then the cravings and headaches started to come from 37 - 41. From my reading I knew this was pretty normal but I found it kind of interesting that a lot from my group were experiencing the exact same. Now day 43 has been a breeze and enjoyable.
I normally am not a person to sit and reflect on things that have happened, but started to think about previous stoppages and why they failed. My first real stoppage was for approximately 6 mos, don't really know exactly. I went to the doc and got Chantix which actually helped with the early withdrawal symptoms which I think may have been detrimental to that attempt. It almost made the early days too easy and we all know the story, the Nic Bitch convinced me that 1 wouldn't hurt. She was able to end that stoppage for 2 reasons. 1. I had no one holding me accountable but me. 2. I never fully admitted to myself that I was an addict. At this time I still told myself it was a habit I could quit when I wanted to. After this attempt I went on dipping for another 4 years before trying again.
Stoppage 2 again took Chantix stopped for 1 mos but fell back into it due to the lack of accountability and not really wanting to quit.
Continued for 1.5 yrs telling myself I was done and tossing a can out the window only to go buy a new can the next day. Had to have happened once a month. Then I had my "cancer" scare as talked about above and I finally dumped that shit for good. Sorry for the rambling but I wanted to write this down so I remember why I failed before. I know I'm an addict now, I cannot just have one ever again.
Thank you to all who have given me support so far!
I QLAMF with all of you EDD!
Jeff W - Day 43 and I promise no nicotine today
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Proud to be your quit brother jeff in the febuary group . I feel the exact same disdain towards dip because of what it stole from my family during years of abuse. proud to be quit with you
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Alright people, this has nothing to do with quitting. This has been an issue my entire life and it drives me friggin crazy, I am an engineer and am good with numbers so it makes it worse to me. My entire life, I have always confused / interchanged the numbers 17 and 19. I cannot keep them straight when trying to remember something. It occurs mostly with dates, for instance I cannot remember my dad's birthday but I do know it is either Dec 17 or 19. Same with my anniversary it is either Aug 17 or 19. Thank god we have a wedding invite framed and on the night stand so I can remind myself. Does anyone else experience anything goofy like this? I'm not dyslexic or anything else either, no other issues just damn 17s and 19s.
Does anybody else experience anything similar or have any idea why my brain does this?
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I'd like to share a small win with all of my Feb Folk. This hitch was my first hitch back at work since my quit started. It is a huge trigger due to the fact that I'm surrounded by the bitch all day everyday. At home, it would take effort to go get some. Here all it would take was to look left or right and bum one. I was worried about it when I first got on the plane to come down here but I was armed with my smokey mtn and all of you and remembering our ODAAT mantra. To anyone new or struggling remember the ODAAT it friggin works. My first week down here I was hyper sensitive and aware every time somebody would start packing their can and could smell it when they would open it. That was 11 days ago. Yesterday and today, I am no longer hyper sensitive to what they are doing, I feel "normal" in that I'm worried about what I'm doing could care less what they are up to. Feels great! Maybe it's personal growth or maybe the March dumpster_fire just distracted me from it long enough my brain decided it wasn't going to concentrate on the BS anymore. Who knows but I like it!
Quit on my friends and Attack your quit with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind!
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Alright people, this has nothing to do with quitting. This has been an issue my entire life and it drives me friggin crazy, I am an engineer and am good with numbers so it makes it worse to me. My entire life, I have always confused / interchanged the numbers 17 and 19. I cannot keep them straight when trying to remember something. It occurs mostly with dates, for instance I cannot remember my dad's birthday but I do know it is either Dec 17 or 19. Same with my anniversary it is either Aug 17 or 19. Thank god we have a wedding invite framed and on the night stand so I can remind myself. Does anyone else experience anything goofy like this? I'm not dyslexic or anything else either, no other issues just damn 17s and 19s.
Does anybody else experience anything similar or have any idea why my brain does this?
I confused 17 and 19 once and now I'm on a list.
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Alright people, this has nothing to do with quitting. This has been an issue my entire life and it drives me friggin crazy, I am an engineer and am good with numbers so it makes it worse to me. My entire life, I have always confused / interchanged the numbers 17 and 19. I cannot keep them straight when trying to remember something. It occurs mostly with dates, for instance I cannot remember my dad's birthday but I do know it is either Dec 17 or 19. Same with my anniversary it is either Aug 17 or 19. Thank god we have a wedding invite framed and on the night stand so I can remind myself. Does anyone else experience anything goofy like this? I'm not dyslexic or anything else either, no other issues just damn 17s and 19s.
Does anybody else experience anything similar or have any idea why my brain does this?
I confused 17 and 19 once and now I'm on a list.
Took me a minute but that sir is probably the best post you've made on this site. roflmao Quit on!
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Alright people, this has nothing to do with quitting. This has been an issue my entire life and it drives me friggin crazy, I am an engineer and am good with numbers so it makes it worse to me. My entire life, I have always confused / interchanged the numbers 17 and 19. I cannot keep them straight when trying to remember something. It occurs mostly with dates, for instance I cannot remember my dad's birthday but I do know it is either Dec 17 or 19. Same with my anniversary it is either Aug 17 or 19. Thank god we have a wedding invite framed and on the night stand so I can remind myself. Does anyone else experience anything goofy like this? I'm not dyslexic or anything else either, no other issues just damn 17s and 19s.
Does anybody else experience anything similar or have any idea why my brain does this?
I confused 17 and 19 once and now I'm on a list.
Took me a minute but that sir is probably the best post you've made on this site. roflmao Quit on!
Fuck me , these damn cinnamon jolly ranchers! I'm going to kill the whole bag tonight sitting here at work.
Jeff W - I promise I will not eat another cinnamon jolly rancher for 25 minutes.
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JeffW congrats on your 1 trip around the sun!!
And I'm chuckling about the above convo ??
Not sure why the brain does its crazy things.