KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: GrizzlyMike on June 10, 2016, 10:43:00 AM
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Like so many on here I was an embarrassed ninja dipper. I hid it so well for so long that I started to believe I really didn't have an issue, I had everyone else fooled and even fooled myself. If my wife ever found loose tobacco in my car or stain on my shirt I would shrug it off as an occasional habit, she is not dumb and knew I was lying to her. I knew subconsciously if I told her during these times I had a problem she would tell me to quit, I knew lying was the only way to continue this awful habit.
I started dipping about 10 years ago in college, Grizzly wintergreen was my friend got me through everything or so I thought. Thinking back now I got me through all the ups and downs Grizzly only made things harder. Ninja dipping is very stressful, going for random car rides to "get gas before the morning", or to "pick up ice cream" or "get iced coffee" because I didn't feel like coffee at home, all bs and lies I told myself and my wife just to spit this cancer juice into a bottle. I have been feeling more and more guilty, staying up late just to dip, tucking my wife in and telling her I have to finish up a few things, really just going to dip. Waking up exhausted from staying up to late, dipping in the AM to wake back up, taking 30 minute breaks at work to dip in the bathroom, constantly monitoring my full tins to make sure I always have enough. I am slave to this stuff, until now reflecting back I didn't realize how bad it was, I had myself fooled as well as everyone else. In reflecting I feel like I was living a double life, normal non addict by day and full on addict whenever I could without anyone knowing.
I went on a cruise this year, instead of enjoying it and looking forward to it my first thought was how the hell am I going to dip secretly on the ship. I smuggled 3 tins on, not hidden from the cruise people searching my bag, hidden from my wife. I usually dip 1-2 cans a day, these 3 tins were going to last me 7 days the thought of this was stressful enough. Sick just sick thinking about it now, this stuff had a handle on my life. I've tried to quit on my own so many times before, I can always get past the initial physical addiction it is the mental triggers that always get me. I am determined this time! Today is day 5 since my last tin I am starting to get out of the fog and really excited to beat this for good.
I am trying to think ahead about what my major triggers are and hoping that this along with KTC's amazing posts will help me for good! My major triggers upcoming are I am going to be in a car by myself for 3 hours! this is a major one this would with no doubt be a full tin gone. The simple thought of this drive without it is stressing me out, however I know I can do it and I know once I do it, it will be a huge victory. I need to rewire my brain, and I know if will not be an overnight process. It took me 10 years to this point and I wouldn't be surprised if it takes me 10 years to get out of this.
I am doing it for myself this time I am tired of feeling like I am owned by something! I am tired of lying! I am tired of spending money on this awful habit! Ninja dipping costs a fortune because you are never buying in bulk. Sometimes in the past I've used half a tin and thrown it out because I couldn't hide it while on vacation. I looked at my credit card bill and stopping every day to buy 2 tins a Snapple and sometimes a water to dump out is costing me about $300+ a month! This is money I could use to go on a nice vacation or take my wife out.
This week has been rough but I will not cave this time. Thanks for listening it feels good to get this out, as I am a Ninja dipper I have no one that knows how bad it was and for that reason I cannot turn to them. Any support out there would mean the world to me.
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Check out the Welcome Center, post roll, jump in and quit.
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Check out the Welcome Center, post roll, jump in and quit.
^^^ It's that simple bro. Get involved and stay involved. If you own this decision... I mean, OWN IT... you've already won.
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Check out the Welcome Center, post roll, jump in and quit.
^^^ It's that simple bro. Get involved and stay involved. If you own this decision... I mean, OWN IT... you've already won.
YEP! And if you are worried about screwing it up. Don't. The only way to scew up is to not post.
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Good job posting roll. Keep busy, drink a ton of water, make some friends here and Quit Like Fuck! I know I will!
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Hey Griz! As you will find you are NOT ALONE in this quit. Many of us are "former" Ninja dippers. I was and felt the same way you do. It totally sucked an was extremely stressful. Just having that stress gone and not having to stop at the damn store everyday made me feel REAL GOOD especially early on when you feel like junk. Hang in there man!! You got this.
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I was a ninja dipper and I will tell you it feels great to be free. I can finally be honest. I told me wife...I think on day 7...she was really cool about it. FYI...she had no idea I did it and still doesn't really care about my quit. You have to do it for YOU! That is the only way...it will suck and be really hard...but keep fighting ODAAT and you can get your freedom. I'm on day 159 and I love being quit. Nice intro...reminds me all the things on why I wanted to quit.....thanks. I PM'd you my digits...
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You can do it Mike. You just have to want it badly enough. Sounds cliche and overly simple, but it's the truth. If you want it badly enough, you will not put that worthless, carcinogenic, filthy worm dirt in your mouth today. Can you make it through the day? Perfect. Wake up and do it again tomorrow. Soon enough, you won't give nic thoughts two shakes. Give it everything you've got and it will pay you back a hundred fold.
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You can do it Mike. You just have to want it badly enough. Sounds cliche and overly simple, but it's the truth. If you want it badly enough, you will not put that worthless, carcinogenic, filthy worm dirt in your mouth today. Can you make it through the day? Perfect. Wake up and do it again tomorrow. Soon enough, you won't give nic thoughts two shakes. Give it everything you've got and it will pay you back a hundred fold.
What that King said is TRUTH.... read as much as you can about how that insidious weed screws with your brain (WAY after the physical withdrawal is complete you'll be messed up in the head). Build a support network with your fellow September quitters (exchange numbers....get to know them....make sure you have built an accountability web with them). This site, and the folks on it, know that it works, but YOU have to MAKE IT WORK. Not easy, but simple. Wakeup, piss, post roll, honor your word, and do it all over again tomorrow. Freedom is so much better than sucking a cat turd....
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Hey GrizzlyMike - sent you a PM. Check the inbox link in the upper right corner.
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Good first post and it looks like you have some awesome quitters behind you already Mike. Admitting your addiction is indeed the first step. Now we need to get you through "the suck". The first week or so will be difficult. You can do it! You really just need to want to do it.
Post roll every day as soon as you get up in the morning. Get back here during the day and read, read, read. Believe it or not there are probably hundreds of quitters who have a story similar to yours and they have already typed out exactly what to expect and how to get past the tough times.
If you need digits send me a PM! I quit with you today!
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Welcome to the forum Grizzly. You definitely are not alone in the ninja dipper category. I did everything that you mentioned. It feels great to stop the lies. There's a ton of help here so take advantage. Look forward to seeing you posting roll every morning.
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I see you attempted to post roll. It didn't quite work right. Don't feel bad. It's a retarded process, one designed to frustrate you early in your quit. You have to work hard for the most valuable things in life. Roll is valuable to your quit.
The only way to fock up roll is to miss it.
You don't have to quit forever. Just quit for today. Anyone can quit for a day. Just do this. Tomorrow, come back here and let's do it again!
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Hey man,
I just posted my first post. Reading your post was like reading a story about myself. Same exact thing and methods. Same motivation/reason to quit.
We will be in this together.
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GrizzlyMike,
where y'at dude? Quitting doesn't take a day off! Find some way to get your name on roll, then honor that posting. Hang tough, but BE THERE.
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Sorry all I have been absent from here but holding strong. Day 10 and I am starting to feel a lot better, fog lifted and I am only chewing 1 pack of orbit gum a day now, lol. I was demolishing those packs of gum for the first week but the oral fixation is decreasing. Been running and lifting a lot, I still do not 100% understand how to post roll, however I am on here reading every morning. Just wanted to say things are going well, KTC is the piece I have been missing all the other times I tried to quit thank you for all the support.
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”
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Sorry all I have been absent from here but holding strong. Day 10 and I am starting to feel a lot better, fog lifted and I am only chewing 1 pack of orbit gum a day now, lol. I was demolishing those packs of gum for the first week but the oral fixation is decreasing. Been running and lifting a lot, I still do not 100% understand how to post roll, however I am on here reading every morning. Just wanted to say things are going well, KTC is the piece I have been missing all the other times I tried to quit thank you for all the support.
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”
Facebook is for status updates... not KTC.
If you really wanna make this work, why don't you put in the effort to figure out roll?
It's the price of admission here. Doing it on your own sucks... jump all in, man.