KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: eula325 on July 26, 2018, 10:17:00 AM
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Hello All,
I started as a smoker in college 10 years ago and moved to dipping when I graduated in 2011 so I could still get my nicotine fix at work and not smell like an ash tray all the time. In 2015 I got a new job in a new city so I decided to start fresh and quit dipping. I weened off of nicotine and only used occasionally when I would drink on the weekends. Soon after that I started dating my current finace and I knew that she wouldn't continue to date someone that was a nicotine user so I stopped using altogether. I eventually told her that I smoked in college and used dip before I met her, which was only a half truth because i was still weening when we first started dating.
Fast forward to 2017. Something happened, I'm not sure exactly, but I started using dip again for about 4 months. I was a ninja dipper when I was with her and it felt wrong to hide it from her so I planned a quit. I had to go to Europe for 3 months for work and they dont sell dip where I was going so I bought my "last" roll for that 3 months and weened myself off. I was clean when I came back to the US and I felt great. I was away for all of the withdrawal symptoms so I wasn't irritable when I came home.
At the beginning of 2018 i proposed to my girlfriend and celebrated with a Cuban cigar, which re-activated that lovely nicotine rush and ultimately the cravings. After that I bummed dips off of people occasionally and soon I was buying my own cans again. I've been ninja dipping since then, using nicotine gum when i'm with her so i don't get irritable (we don't live together yet), and using nicotine patches on the weekends when we spend all of our time together.
I am sick of the shackles of nicotine addiction and I just want to be free once and for all. My fiance is the sweetest, most caring person I know...and it will break her heart to find out that i've been using behind her back.
If anyone has any anecdotes on how they prepared to tell their significant other their secret or advice on telling them the truth I would be grateful. I don't think I can kick the habit without her support and hiding it just makes me feel like scum, but I keep going back to the can any chance I get some alone time.
I hope to start my quit in the very near future.
Thanks for reading,
EULA
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Eula325,
My path was very similar to yours. I never smoked but was a black belt ninja. My wife caught me about 3 times. Of course I promised to her that I would quit. But I never personally accepted the fact that I was going to actually do it. First step is to actually want to. The next step is difficult at best which is admitting to her that you lied which is going to break her heart and trust. But the honest truth is this...If you don't come clean with her and she finds out on her own, then it's going to be worse. Me and my wife have grown closer because I admitted that I had a problem. I showed her all my hiding places and came clean. I involved her in my process and what I was going through. I asked for her love, support, help and forgiveness. I showed her this group and let her read the posts that I was making. In other words, it wasn't my problem, it was our problem. This gives you several things. First it gives you another accountability partner. Second, it shows that you really want to quit. Third it shows that you want to rebuild trust. Remember that telling her "Believe me" won't work since you have already shown that she can't. You have to show her. Fourth, this is going to show that you really don't want to hide anymore secrets from her and how much you value her love. You should not have ANY secrets in marriage. NONE what so ever. Later after you get to post your HOF speech, reflect back with her on where you were, the pain you had, how much you appreciate her help and how much more you love her because she stayed with you and walked the road with you. By no means is this going to be easy and there will probably be tears. But part of marriage is facing each other and baring your soul. For better for worse. Make this the worst and you will be fine.
As to an actual approach...I didn't need to find a way to bring it up since I was caught in the act (maybe my black belt wasn't so black after all). But I would suggest something like this.
Honey, I need your help. I haven't been completely honest with you about something. I have a problem and I need your help. I have a nicotine addiction and I want to quit. I love you and I want to be around for you forever. I've already joined a support group but this is going to be hard, very hard. (She's going to be crying by now) What I've been doing is not right and I have compromised your trust and I want a chance to earn it back. ---From here, you are going to have to play it by ear. But you need to give her specifics about how you ninja'd. Give her some of the details about what you are going to be going through. Read on the forum pages if you aren't aware yet. The first 10 days are going to be very hard and everyone on that is on this forum will say the same thing. Stick with it at all cost. Do what you have to to but absolutely no nicotine. Gum, sunflower seeds, paper...whatever you have to do to get through that time. (BTW, I would not recommend cinnamon oil. Read some of my post from my initial quit) It WILL get easier but understand this, you will never ever be able to say that you won't be tempted again. It would be a good idea to come clean with your dentist and talk to your girl about what he says. She is going to want to know that you don't have a hidden problem and you should too. We have lost some people in this group and this is a serious thing. Anything you can do to involve her in the process is going to be a good thing in the long run. Whatever you do, don't use nicotine as an excuse for your moodiness when it happens. Own it, accept it and ask for forgiveness often. She's going to need to hear that a bunch. You are going to have to take a couple of blows because of this but by doing this with her, your marriage will be stronger.
Brother, you can do this! Day by day...One day at a time. Post and post often! You have found a great support team and everyone here want's you to be able to say "I used to dip".
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I hope to start my quit in the very near future.
^^^
ThatÂ’s another huge mistake youÂ’re making in your battle against this addiction.
For addicts... tomorrow ALWAYS breeds another tomorrow. You donÂ’t plan to quit. You donÂ’t hope to quit. You donÂ’t try to quit.
You just do it.
If youÂ’re reeeeeally that sick of being a slave begin your journey to freedom right now.
IÂ’ll repeat... Right. Now.
Worry about your girl later. This is about you... not her. YouÂ’ll figure it out but the first thing is for you to quit now. No hoping or trying or luck... own that shit. Be a badass and kick your addiction in the nuts. YouÂ’ve let it run the show for far too long. No planning... no weaning off. Cold turkey is the only way to do this.
The only way.
Own it, man.
Do it.
Now.
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I hope to start my quit in the very near future.
^^^
ThatÂ’s another huge mistake youÂ’re making in your battle against this addiction.
For addicts... tomorrow ALWAYS breeds another tomorrow. You donÂ’t plan to quit. You donÂ’t hope to quit. You donÂ’t try to quit.
You just do it.
If youÂ’re reeeeeally that sick of being a slave begin your journey to freedom right now.
IÂ’ll repeat... Right. Now.
Worry about your girl later. This is about you... not her. YouÂ’ll figure it out but the first thing is for you to quit now. No hoping or trying or luck... own that shit. Be a badass and kick your addiction in the nuts. YouÂ’ve let it run the show for far too long. No planning... no weaning off. Cold turkey is the only way to do this.
The only way.
Own it, man.
Do it.
Now.
Listen to this ^^^^^^ Badass Right here.
There is NO I hope... I wish... by golly, shucks maybe it will happen.
This is life or death, how do you know when that next dip is going to be the one that gives you cancer and you get your tongue cut out?
You need to quit for you, and only you.
The stuff with everything else will work out however it will.
But first and foremost you need to be QLF (Quit Like Fuk) and own your quit.
Grow your hatred for nicotine and realize how many men and women lost time with their loved ones because it gave them cancer.
Like my man AJ said, kick it in the nuts and just quit.
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ItÂ’s pretty simple my friend GRAB YOUR SACK AND MAN UP! If you donÂ’t get you straightened out may not be wedding. WeÂ’re not trying to scare you or run you off but how many times have you tried to ween yourself off only to go back? Here youÂ’re never alone but you come to the wrong place for ball coddling. Time for you to quit being a bitch to nic and make her your bitch! Now when you read these get mad as hell if you want just learn how to post up your word and letÂ’s get this quit started together! I quit with you today!
Pab 1307
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I hope to start my quit in the very near future.
^^^
ThatÂ’s another huge mistake youÂ’re making in your battle against this addiction.
For addicts... tomorrow ALWAYS breeds another tomorrow. You donÂ’t plan to quit. You donÂ’t hope to quit. You donÂ’t try to quit.
You just do it.
If youÂ’re reeeeeally that sick of being a slave begin your journey to freedom right now.
IÂ’ll repeat... Right. Now.
Worry about your girl later. This is about you... not her. YouÂ’ll figure it out but the first thing is for you to quit now. No hoping or trying or luck... own that shit. Be a badass and kick your addiction in the nuts. YouÂ’ve let it run the show for far too long. No planning... no weaning off. Cold turkey is the only way to do this.
The only way.
Own it, man.
Do it.
Now.
Listen to this ^^^^^^ Badass Right here.
There is NO I hope... I wish... by golly, shucks maybe it will happen.
This is life or death, how do you know when that next dip is going to be the one that gives you cancer and you get your tongue cut out?
You need to quit for you, and only you.
The stuff with everything else will work out however it will.
But first and foremost you need to be QLF (Quit Like Fuk) and own your quit.
Grow your hatred for nicotine and realize how many men and women lost time with their loved ones because it gave them cancer.
Like my man AJ said, kick it in the nuts and just quit.
One day at a time can start right now ... and you will surprise yourself if you just sack up and quit this minute.
why wait why not right now... I can tell you that as I sit here on day 363 that about exactly one year ago today my wife of 5 years and being in a relationship with of 8 for the first time found out i was Ninja dipping it crushed our relationship. We are doing great now almost one full year removed from that dog shit! So my words of wisdom to you is quit now and quit every day.
Added bonus - you will save money for a nice honeymoon/wedding... just saying
-
I hope to start my quit in the very near future.
^^^
ThatÂ’s another huge mistake youÂ’re making in your battle against this addiction.
For addicts... tomorrow ALWAYS breeds another tomorrow. You donÂ’t plan to quit. You donÂ’t hope to quit. You donÂ’t try to quit.
You just do it.
If youÂ’re reeeeeally that sick of being a slave begin your journey to freedom right now.
IÂ’ll repeat... Right. Now.
Worry about your girl later. This is about you... not her. YouÂ’ll figure it out but the first thing is for you to quit now. No hoping or trying or luck... own that shit. Be a badass and kick your addiction in the nuts. YouÂ’ve let it run the show for far too long. No planning... no weaning off. Cold turkey is the only way to do this.
The only way.
Own it, man.
Do it.
Now.
Listen to this ^^^^^^ Badass Right here.
There is NO I hope... I wish... by golly, shucks maybe it will happen.
This is life or death, how do you know when that next dip is going to be the one that gives you cancer and you get your tongue cut out?
You need to quit for you, and only you.
The stuff with everything else will work out however it will.
But first and foremost you need to be QLF (Quit Like Fuk) and own your quit.
Grow your hatred for nicotine and realize how many men and women lost time with their loved ones because it gave them cancer.
Like my man AJ said, kick it in the nuts and just quit.
One day at a time can start right now ... and you will surprise yourself if you just sack up and quit this minute.
why wait why not right now... I can tell you that as I sit here on day 363 that about exactly one year ago today my wife of 5 years and being in a relationship with of 8 for the first time found out i was Ninja dipping it crushed our relationship. We are doing great now almost one full year removed from that dog shit! So my words of wisdom to you is quit now and quit every day.
Added bonus - you will save money for a nice honeymoon/wedding... just saying
All these people that spoke before me have a lot more knowledge and a lot more time under their belts. I can tell you I am only 17 days in but it is different here than anytime you have tried to quit in the past. You have a ton of support here from people that have been through exactly what youÂ’re going through. I have been where you are, IÂ’ll quit tomorrow or next week or after this or that. It never works, take their advice and jump into a group. WhatÂ’s the worst that can happen?
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poof
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Future quits are easy. No suffering until youÂ’re ready and then when the day arrives, whaddya know, still not ready, so letÂ’s pick another date. I used to think I was more addicted than the people who could actually quit. Then I came here and saw guys who had dipped three cans a day or were quitting while in Iraq or other stuff that made me realize how lame I was. I was just letting my addiction do the talking.
Only way out is through. Flush all nicotine. Post roll. Repeat. ItÂ’s going to suck until it doesnÂ’t. No easy way. No way to pat your ass and tell you I have an easy solution. If I had one, IÂ’d have been quit long ago during one of those future quits and be a rich man for helping the rest of these poor saps around here to an easier quit.
Only you can decide itÂ’s time. And then you gotta get plum, mad dog mean and do whatever it takes to stay to quit. I promise you that itÂ’s worth it on the other side when you get there. ThereÂ’s seriously no reason to ever ingest nicotine again. You know it. I know it. Make it happen. WeÂ’re here to help. But itÂ’s all you in making the decision.
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So is today the day?!?!?
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So is today the day?!?!?
Nope, not ready yet, but shooting for tomorrow.... or maybe this weekend... or........
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So is today the day?!?!?
Cut him some slack. He said heÂ’d be quitting in near future. I think he means it. IÂ’m going to hold my breath until he posts day 1. Should be any second now.
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So is today the day?!?!?
Cut him some slack. He said heÂ’d be quitting in near future. I think he means it. IÂ’m going to hold my breath until he posts day 1. Should be any second now.
To whom it may concern. I just found G dead at his keyboard. Appears cause of death is lack of oxygen to the brain. His mouse was still over the refresh button.
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So is today the day?!?!?
Cut him some slack. He said heÂ’d be quitting in near future. I think he means it. IÂ’m going to hold my breath until he posts day 1. Should be any second now.
To whom it may concern. I just found G dead at his keyboard. Appears cause of death is lack of oxygen to the brain. His mouse was still over the refresh button.
At least you didn't die from nicotine. Who da ' guessed you were addicted to breathing?
A fart in the wind
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It HAS to be today right?!?!?!?
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I used to say I would quit tomorrow. As of right now you are 929 days behind me quitting. So I want to know are you going to man up and quit today or end up 930 days behind?
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So is today the day?!?!?
Cut him some slack. He said heÂ’d be quitting in near future. I think he means it. IÂ’m going to hold my breath until he posts day 1. Should be any second now.
Follow me on the November Group...10 days in!
I followed some advice on here and "just quit for me" and "worry about myself first and tell her later".
Didn't make my first post until Day 5 or 6 when I was sure I was in for the long haul.
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So is today the day?!?!?
Cut him some slack. He said heÂ’d be quitting in near future. I think he means it. IÂ’m going to hold my breath until he posts day 1. Should be any second now.
Follow me on the November Group...10 days in!
I followed some advice on here and "just quit for me" and "worry about myself first and tell her later".
Didn't make my first post until Day 5 or 6 when I was sure I was in for the long haul.
I don't think I can kick the habit without her support and hiding it just makes me feel like scum, but I keep going back to the can any chance I get some alone time.
10 days of "alone" time from this board. You could be quit by now.
Sack up. Quitting ain't easy but it is well worth it. We don't accept excuses here. We only celebrate results.