KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: mat849 on August 23, 2014, 05:37:00 PM
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This is my introduction and my first post other than roll call the last two days. This is day two of my quit. I have been addicted to nicotine in some form for twenty years. A smoker first and a dipper for the last 15. I have been married for 8 years. I quit both smoking and dipping before getting married but picked up the digusting habit of dipping again about a year into my marriage. I hid this from my wife until she found me out last year. Anger, betrayal, loss of trust, all the fun stuff. She said at the time, and I do believe her, that it was the lying not the act itself that was so hurtful.
So why all the sneaking, hiding, and lying? "It's just something I'm doing right now to get me through, fill in the blank." "I'm going to quit soon and then there will be nothing to tell and nothing to hide." The all too familiar excuses of an addict. And yet I still didn't see it. Since being discovered there have been several failed quits. Not much different from still living in the lie. How many times did I quit? And how many different ways? And always for someone else, so i won't get caught, because somone else in my life won't understand how this disgusting habit can make me feel so good.
And then a couple of nights ago my wife says to me "I'm not going to be the wife that makes you quit, because it's something you enjoy. I don't like it, I find it disgusting, but it's not affecting our family like being a smoker would." It's not the first time she's said things like this, but for some reason on that night, hearing the addicts lies come out of my wife's mouth struck a chord. In my head I heard "I'm not gonna ask you to stop doing cocainne because it helps you get through the day. I'm not going to ask you to quit using heroine because you enjoy it. Daddy it's ok that you use meth because you don't do it around us."
That same night when everyone else had gone to sleep I went in search of this site. I was fortunate enough to run into someone in the real world who had used this site as an aid in his quit. I had an immediate need to do the same, and make it stick this time. That was 8/21/14, the last day that I dipped. Quit as of 8/22/14. I look forward to turning this shame and addiction into pride and triumph.
My name is Matt, I'm 35 years old, and I am a nicotine addict.
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This is my introduction and my first post other than roll call the last two days. This is day two of my quit. I have been addicted to nicotine in some form for twenty years. A smoker first and a dipper for the last 15. I have been married for 8 years. I quit both smoking and dipping before getting married but picked up the digusting habit of dipping again about a year into my marriage. I hid this from my wife until she found me out last year. Anger, betrayal, loss of trust, all the fun stuff. She said at the time, and I do believe her, that it was the lying not the act itself that was so hurtful.
So why all the sneaking, hiding, and lying? "It's just something I'm doing right now to get me through, fill in the blank." "I'm going to quit soon and then there will be nothing to tell and nothing to hide." The all too familiar excuses of an addict. And yet I still didn't see it. Since being discovered there have been several failed quits. Not much different from still living in the lie. How many times did I quit? And how many different ways? And always for someone else, so i won't get caught, because somone else in my life won't understand how this disgusting habit can make me feel so good.
And then a couple of nights ago my wife says to me "I'm not going to be the wife that makes you quit, because it's something you enjoy. I don't like it, I find it disgusting, but it's not affecting our family like being a smoker would." It's not the first time she's said things like this, but for some reason on that night, hearing the addicts lies come out of my wife's mouth struck a chord. In my head I heard "I'm not gonna ask you to stop doing cocainne because it helps you get through the day. I'm not going to ask you to quit using heroine because you enjoy it. Daddy it's ok that you use meth because you don't do it around us."
That same night when everyone else had gone to sleep I went in search of this site. I was fortunate enough to run into someone in the real world who had used this site as an aid in his quit. I had an immediate need to do the same, and make it stick this time. That was 8/21/14, the last day that I dipped. Quit as of 8/22/14. I look forward to turning this shame and addiction into pride and triumph.
My name is Matt, I'm 35 years old, and I am a nicotine addict.
Welcome, Matt. My name is Matt, I'm 36 years old, and you are in virtually the exact same spot as I was almost a month ago. Understanding and admitting openly that you are an addict is the first crucial step in taking control over that addiction. You've got some stops under your belt, so you have a fairly good idea of what to expect over the coming days and weeks. The big difference that you'll find in this place is that we don't stop, we quit. One day at a time. You're 100% on the ball posting roll the past two days. That's two days you've earmarked yourself for some accountability with a promise not to use any nicotine today.
Since I'm assuming this is going to be your final quit, expect the nic bitch to start pulling out all of the stops and throwing everything right up to the kitchen sink at you. Tsunami-esque crave waves. Irritability. Romanticizing the cat turds. Rage. Depression. The whole gambit. The one thing you have now that you never had before is a whole army of quit brothers and vets that will have your back 24/7. All you have to do is make that promise first thing each day, be a man of your word, and hold your quit in the highest utmost regard.
You've officially taken the offramp from the dip freeway right onto the suck, so buckle up. Read everything you can on this site. Start swapping digits. Have a plan to deal with your triggers. Prepare yourself with coping devices like gum, candy, seeds, water, etc. Another tip is to take it easy (i.e. abstain) on the booze for a while. That helped me avoid unnecessary craves.
I quit with you today.
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Welcome - you have about 24 hrs and the nic will be out of your physical system and then you will
Have some ups and downs but will feel better each day - take one hour / one day at a time.
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This is my introduction and my first post other than roll call the last two days. This is day two of my quit. I have been addicted to nicotine in some form for twenty years. A smoker first and a dipper for the last 15. I have been married for 8 years. I quit both smoking and dipping before getting married but picked up the digusting habit of dipping again about a year into my marriage. I hid this from my wife until she found me out last year. Anger, betrayal, loss of trust, all the fun stuff. She said at the time, and I do believe her, that it was the lying not the act itself that was so hurtful.
So why all the sneaking, hiding, and lying? "It's just something I'm doing right now to get me through, fill in the blank." "I'm going to quit soon and then there will be nothing to tell and nothing to hide." The all too familiar excuses of an addict. And yet I still didn't see it. Since being discovered there have been several failed quits. Not much different from still living in the lie. How many times did I quit? And how many different ways? And always for someone else, so i won't get caught, because somone else in my life won't understand how this disgusting habit can make me feel so good.
And then a couple of nights ago my wife says to me "I'm not going to be the wife that makes you quit, because it's something you enjoy. I don't like it, I find it disgusting, but it's not affecting our family like being a smoker would." It's not the first time she's said things like this, but for some reason on that night, hearing the addicts lies come out of my wife's mouth struck a chord. In my head I heard "I'm not gonna ask you to stop doing cocainne because it helps you get through the day. I'm not going to ask you to quit using heroine because you enjoy it. Daddy it's ok that you use meth because you don't do it around us."
That same night when everyone else had gone to sleep I went in search of this site. I was fortunate enough to run into someone in the real world who had used this site as an aid in his quit. I had an immediate need to do the same, and make it stick this time. That was 8/21/14, the last day that I dipped. Quit as of 8/22/14. I look forward to turning this shame and addiction into pride and triumph.
My name is Matt, I'm 35 years old, and I am a nicotine addict.
Welcome, Matt. My name is Matt, I'm 36 years old, and you are in virtually the exact same spot as I was almost a month ago. Understanding and admitting openly that you are an addict is the first crucial step in taking control over that addiction. You've got some stops under your belt, so you have a fairly good idea of what to expect over the coming days and weeks. The big difference that you'll find in this place is that we don't stop, we quit. One day at a time. You're 100% on the ball posting roll the past two days. That's two days you've earmarked yourself for some accountability with a promise not to use any nicotine today.
Since I'm assuming this is going to be your final quit, expect the nic bitch to start pulling out all of the stops and throwing everything right up to the kitchen sink at you. Tsunami-esque crave waves. Irritability. Romanticizing the cat turds. Rage. Depression. The whole gambit. The one thing you have now that you never had before is a whole army of quit brothers and vets that will have your back 24/7. All you have to do is make that promise first thing each day, be a man of your word, and hold your quit in the highest utmost regard.
You've officially taken the offramp from the dip freeway right onto the suck, so buckle up. Read everything you can on this site. Start swapping digits. Have a plan to deal with your triggers. Prepare yourself with coping devices like gum, candy, seeds, water, etc. Another tip is to take it easy (i.e. abstain) on the booze for a while. That helped me avoid unnecessary craves.
I quit with you today.
Next time you see your buddy kiss him on the lips because this place rocks. It will save your life if you let it. Dig in and get ready to scratch and claw through the first few days. Do whatever it takes to stay quit. You're one of the last quitters to join November. They're an awesome group of quitters. The more you get involved and post roll and non-roll posts, the better off you will be. Stay strong Matt.
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This is my introduction and my first post other than roll call the last two days. This is day two of my quit. I have been addicted to nicotine in some form for twenty years. A smoker first and a dipper for the last 15. I have been married for 8 years. I quit both smoking and dipping before getting married but picked up the digusting habit of dipping again about a year into my marriage. I hid this from my wife until she found me out last year. Anger, betrayal, loss of trust, all the fun stuff. She said at the time, and I do believe her, that it was the lying not the act itself that was so hurtful.
So why all the sneaking, hiding, and lying? "It's just something I'm doing right now to get me through, fill in the blank." "I'm going to quit soon and then there will be nothing to tell and nothing to hide." The all too familiar excuses of an addict. And yet I still didn't see it. Since being discovered there have been several failed quits. Not much different from still living in the lie. How many times did I quit? And how many different ways? And always for someone else, so i won't get caught, because somone else in my life won't understand how this disgusting habit can make me feel so good.
And then a couple of nights ago my wife says to me "I'm not going to be the wife that makes you quit, because it's something you enjoy. I don't like it, I find it disgusting, but it's not affecting our family like being a smoker would." It's not the first time she's said things like this, but for some reason on that night, hearing the addicts lies come out of my wife's mouth struck a chord. In my head I heard "I'm not gonna ask you to stop doing cocainne because it helps you get through the day. I'm not going to ask you to quit using heroine because you enjoy it. Daddy it's ok that you use meth because you don't do it around us."
That same night when everyone else had gone to sleep I went in search of this site. I was fortunate enough to run into someone in the real world who had used this site as an aid in his quit. I had an immediate need to do the same, and make it stick this time. That was 8/21/14, the last day that I dipped. Quit as of 8/22/14. I look forward to turning this shame and addiction into pride and triumph.
My name is Matt, I'm 35 years old, and I am a nicotine addict.
Welcome, Matt. My name is Matt, I'm 36 years old, and you are in virtually the exact same spot as I was almost a month ago. Understanding and admitting openly that you are an addict is the first crucial step in taking control over that addiction. You've got some stops under your belt, so you have a fairly good idea of what to expect over the coming days and weeks. The big difference that you'll find in this place is that we don't stop, we quit. One day at a time. You're 100% on the ball posting roll the past two days. That's two days you've earmarked yourself for some accountability with a promise not to use any nicotine today.
Since I'm assuming this is going to be your final quit, expect the nic bitch to start pulling out all of the stops and throwing everything right up to the kitchen sink at you. Tsunami-esque crave waves. Irritability. Romanticizing the cat turds. Rage. Depression. The whole gambit. The one thing you have now that you never had before is a whole army of quit brothers and vets that will have your back 24/7. All you have to do is make that promise first thing each day, be a man of your word, and hold your quit in the highest utmost regard.
You've officially taken the offramp from the dip freeway right onto the suck, so buckle up. Read everything you can on this site. Start swapping digits. Have a plan to deal with your triggers. Prepare yourself with coping devices like gum, candy, seeds, water, etc. Another tip is to take it easy (i.e. abstain) on the booze for a while. That helped me avoid unnecessary craves.
I quit with you today.
Next time you see your buddy kiss him on the lips because this place rocks. It will save your life if you let it. Dig in and get ready to scratch and claw through the first few days. Do whatever it takes to stay quit. You're one of the last quitters to join November. They're an awesome group of quitters. The more you get involved and post roll and non-roll posts, the better off you will be. Stay strong Matt.
Matt, sounds like you are ready to quit, and that is awesome! READ EVERYTHING ON KTC! Learnt the KTC plan for quitting. Live the plan. The plan works!
You can do this. It will suck until it doesn't, but you can do it, and it gets so much better. Get involved, own your quit, and work it. PM me if you need...
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This is my introduction and my first post other than roll call the last two days. This is day two of my quit. I have been addicted to nicotine in some form for twenty years. A smoker first and a dipper for the last 15. I have been married for 8 years. I quit both smoking and dipping before getting married but picked up the digusting habit of dipping again about a year into my marriage. I hid this from my wife until she found me out last year. Anger, betrayal, loss of trust, all the fun stuff. She said at the time, and I do believe her, that it was the lying not the act itself that was so hurtful.
So why all the sneaking, hiding, and lying? "It's just something I'm doing right now to get me through, fill in the blank." "I'm going to quit soon and then there will be nothing to tell and nothing to hide." The all too familiar excuses of an addict. And yet I still didn't see it. Since being discovered there have been several failed quits. Not much different from still living in the lie. How many times did I quit? And how many different ways? And always for someone else, so i won't get caught, because somone else in my life won't understand how this disgusting habit can make me feel so good.
And then a couple of nights ago my wife says to me "I'm not going to be the wife that makes you quit, because it's something you enjoy. I don't like it, I find it disgusting, but it's not affecting our family like being a smoker would." It's not the first time she's said things like this, but for some reason on that night, hearing the addicts lies come out of my wife's mouth struck a chord. In my head I heard "I'm not gonna ask you to stop doing cocainne because it helps you get through the day. I'm not going to ask you to quit using heroine because you enjoy it. Daddy it's ok that you use meth because you don't do it around us."
That same night when everyone else had gone to sleep I went in search of this site. I was fortunate enough to run into someone in the real world who had used this site as an aid in his quit. I had an immediate need to do the same, and make it stick this time. That was 8/21/14, the last day that I dipped. Quit as of 8/22/14. I look forward to turning this shame and addiction into pride and triumph.
My name is Matt, I'm 35 years old, and I am a nicotine addict.
Welcome, Matt. My name is Matt, I'm 36 years old, and you are in virtually the exact same spot as I was almost a month ago. Understanding and admitting openly that you are an addict is the first crucial step in taking control over that addiction. You've got some stops under your belt, so you have a fairly good idea of what to expect over the coming days and weeks. The big difference that you'll find in this place is that we don't stop, we quit. One day at a time. You're 100% on the ball posting roll the past two days. That's two days you've earmarked yourself for some accountability with a promise not to use any nicotine today.
Since I'm assuming this is going to be your final quit, expect the nic bitch to start pulling out all of the stops and throwing everything right up to the kitchen sink at you. Tsunami-esque crave waves. Irritability. Romanticizing the cat turds. Rage. Depression. The whole gambit. The one thing you have now that you never had before is a whole army of quit brothers and vets that will have your back 24/7. All you have to do is make that promise first thing each day, be a man of your word, and hold your quit in the highest utmost regard.
You've officially taken the offramp from the dip freeway right onto the suck, so buckle up. Read everything you can on this site. Start swapping digits. Have a plan to deal with your triggers. Prepare yourself with coping devices like gum, candy, seeds, water, etc. Another tip is to take it easy (i.e. abstain) on the booze for a while. That helped me avoid unnecessary craves.
I quit with you today.
Next time you see your buddy kiss him on the lips because this place rocks. It will save your life if you let it. Dig in and get ready to scratch and claw through the first few days. Do whatever it takes to stay quit. You're one of the last quitters to join November. They're an awesome group of quitters. The more you get involved and post roll and non-roll posts, the better off you will be. Stay strong Matt.
Matt, sounds like you are ready to quit, and that is awesome! READ EVERYTHING ON KTC! Learnt the KTC plan for quitting. Live the plan. The plan works!
You can do this. It will suck until it doesn't, but you can do it, and it gets so much better. Get involved, own your quit, and work it. PM me if you need...
Congrats, Matt.
You're off to a great start. Try not to dwell too much on the past but keep it in mind as what you never want to be or do again. I suggest you be open with your wife about your quit as that adds a layer of accountability.
Reach out if you are struggling or want to rage...that's what we are here for. As you start to win battles against the nic bitch...start to pay it back by helping new quitters and you will find your quit stronger with every word.
Welcome, brother.
PM me if you need anything.
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Matt, I'm going to paste this post here and see if it doesn't put a little nitro into your quit. This has been previously posted and not new, but a good read from time to time.
Hey bro, let's be calm and rational for 35 seconds. You are thinking that just one pinch can solve your problems. Your gums will not hurt, your tongue won't feel like a filing rod, and your mind will return to normal. That is the Nic Bitch telling you all of that. That is how "they" keep you coming back for more. That is how they line their wallets, with your addiction and ultimately your death. See, this is nothing more than the best money scam going. Just imagine if you could have a 10 million dollar mansion and have someone else pay for it. Well, "they" figured out how to do that. Provide a product that "addicted you" to it and paid off lawmakers to keep it legal. Tax the shit out of it and everybody wins. Except for the addict, you can die. There will be plenty more behind you, you're not special. So, every time you step into that store and throw a five on the counter, just remember you are agreeing to be taxed, proliferated and murdered, all with your money and your blessing. You "OK" this when you lay down your cash.
I want you to suppose for a minute that I walk up to you. Look you in the eye and tell you I'm going to kill you, slowly. I'm going to make you spend thousands of dollars in doctor and hospital bills, I'm going to orphan your kids, make your spouse go at life alone or find another mate. I'm going to take your families money and feed my family with it, also, junior wants a convertible to drive to Harvard. I need some new addicts to pay for that car and his education, you top the list. I need your money addict.
How would you feel about me? Would you do business with me? Would you buy my product? Would you want to kill me? Would you at least stand up for yourself and your family?
Well, I say Fuck Them, you're not taking my money, much less my life without getting the fight of your life. In fact I would rather die on my own accord than let you kill me. It's me or you motherfucker, and I'm not going to lose. All I have to do is Not Dip and you lose. That's it. You are not getting another penny from me you son of a bitch. Not a fucking penny. You will not make me withdraw, you will not make me crave, you will never make me kneel at your alter ever again. I'm in control, not you. I'm pissed, and I'm armed with quit. Fuck you and heed warning I'm out to do to you what you threatened to do to my children. Your on notice tobacco CEO. I'm fucking quit and I will never again let you treat me like a whore.
That might have taken more than 35 seconds, sorry. Hope you get where I'm coming from.
Mogul
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Matt,
I found my self in the same spot exactly 1 month prior to you. Please reach out to those that are in your quit group and beyond. It is the only way I have found to keep on quitting. Read intros find out why people have failed and learn from everyone! Please PM I'd you want to chat or need support.
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This is my introduction and my first post other than roll call the last two days. This is day two of my quit. I have been addicted to nicotine in some form for twenty years. A smoker first and a dipper for the last 15. I have been married for 8 years. I quit both smoking and dipping before getting married but picked up the digusting habit of dipping again about a year into my marriage. I hid this from my wife until she found me out last year. Anger, betrayal, loss of trust, all the fun stuff. She said at the time, and I do believe her, that it was the lying not the act itself that was so hurtful.
So why all the sneaking, hiding, and lying? "It's just something I'm doing right now to get me through, fill in the blank." "I'm going to quit soon and then there will be nothing to tell and nothing to hide." The all too familiar excuses of an addict. And yet I still didn't see it. Since being discovered there have been several failed quits. Not much different from still living in the lie. How many times did I quit? And how many different ways? And always for someone else, so i won't get caught, because somone else in my life won't understand how this disgusting habit can make me feel so good.
And then a couple of nights ago my wife says to me "I'm not going to be the wife that makes you quit, because it's something you enjoy. I don't like it, I find it disgusting, but it's not affecting our family like being a smoker would." It's not the first time she's said things like this, but for some reason on that night, hearing the addicts lies come out of my wife's mouth struck a chord. In my head I heard "I'm not gonna ask you to stop doing cocainne because it helps you get through the day. I'm not going to ask you to quit using heroine because you enjoy it. Daddy it's ok that you use meth because you don't do it around us."
That same night when everyone else had gone to sleep I went in search of this site. I was fortunate enough to run into someone in the real world who had used this site as an aid in his quit. I had an immediate need to do the same, and make it stick this time. That was 8/21/14, the last day that I dipped. Quit as of 8/22/14. I look forward to turning this shame and addiction into pride and triumph.
My name is Matt, I'm 35 years old, and I am a nicotine addict.
Welcome, Matt. My name is Matt, I'm 36 years old, and you are in virtually the exact same spot as I was almost a month ago. Understanding and admitting openly that you are an addict is the first crucial step in taking control over that addiction. You've got some stops under your belt, so you have a fairly good idea of what to expect over the coming days and weeks. The big difference that you'll find in this place is that we don't stop, we quit. One day at a time. You're 100% on the ball posting roll the past two days. That's two days you've earmarked yourself for some accountability with a promise not to use any nicotine today.
Since I'm assuming this is going to be your final quit, expect the nic bitch to start pulling out all of the stops and throwing everything right up to the kitchen sink at you. Tsunami-esque crave waves. Irritability. Romanticizing the cat turds. Rage. Depression. The whole gambit. The one thing you have now that you never had before is a whole army of quit brothers and vets that will have your back 24/7. All you have to do is make that promise first thing each day, be a man of your word, and hold your quit in the highest utmost regard.
You've officially taken the offramp from the dip freeway right onto the suck, so buckle up. Read everything you can on this site. Start swapping digits. Have a plan to deal with your triggers. Prepare yourself with coping devices like gum, candy, seeds, water, etc. Another tip is to take it easy (i.e. abstain) on the booze for a while. That helped me avoid unnecessary craves.
I quit with you today.
Next time you see your buddy kiss him on the lips because this place rocks. It will save your life if you let it. Dig in and get ready to scratch and claw through the first few days. Do whatever it takes to stay quit. You're one of the last quitters to join November. They're an awesome group of quitters. The more you get involved and post roll and non-roll posts, the better off you will be. Stay strong Matt.
Matt, sounds like you are ready to quit, and that is awesome! READ EVERYTHING ON KTC! Learnt the KTC plan for quitting. Live the plan. The plan works!
You can do this. It will suck until it doesn't, but you can do it, and it gets so much better. Get involved, own your quit, and work it. PM me if you need...
Congrats, Matt.
You're off to a great start. Try not to dwell too much on the past but keep it in mind as what you never want to be or do again. I suggest you be open with your wife about your quit as that adds a layer of accountability.
Reach out if you are struggling or want to rage...that's what we are here for. As you start to win battles against the nic bitch...start to pay it back by helping new quitters and you will find your quit stronger with every word.
Welcome, brother.
PM me if you need anything.
Matt welcome. Great intro, read it often as you progress through your quit. Remembering where you were when you started is a great tool for fighting off craves. You never want to be here again. Two things that will without a doubt make you a stronger quitter....
1. Post roll everyday, preferably right after waking up. Very few caves come from dedicated posters.
2. Be an active member on this site. Try to do a minimum of one extra thing here a day other than posting roll. Updating your intro page, commenting on someone else's, going into the chat room, exchanging phone numbers.
Neither will guarantee you stay quit but doing both will definitely increase you probability of staying quit. Good luck.
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Welcome Matt. You are off to a great start! I know it's hard now, but you can do it. Read all you can on this site, talk with people and get in the chat room if need be. I also want you to know that it does get easier...much easier, eventually. Great job on posting roll. Never under estimate the importance of posting roll. PM me if I can help.
mb289
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Going into the last hour of 12 1/2 hr work day. A harder day for me than any weekend. I never used to dip at home, only at work. Anyway, despite the mental lapses and general haze that seemed to follow me through my day I did not face any of the will crumbling cravings that I have been dreading. Armed with my sunflower seeds, gum, and ever present water bottle I made it through the morning and past the after lunch dip time.
I did have a brief moment of panic reading the posts about smokey mountain today. All of a sudden around 3pm I had to have some. Luckily the local qt had some. I know I'm supposed to avoid c stores, so as an extra precaution I pulled out my copy of the Contract to Give Up and read through it again before I went in.
My need for a smokey mountain fix wasn't like the rushed, must have it now, trips to the c store that have toppled several prior stoppages. There was no oppressive or overwhelming feeling that accompanied my trip. I felt that i was in control not the bitch.
All day i have read and thought about this site. For the first time my mind has something to fixate on other than "the need." I f*ng hate that I even call it that, but that's what it used to feel like. oh well, not today. Today i quit. Day 4. Where's the calculator that shows how many days i added to my life by quitting. I plan on posting roll on all of those days too. Thanks ktc!
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You killed it today, Matt. That's the most important thing to remember. You faced those triggers head-on and in the smartest way possible. Those mental lapses and general haze are going to persist for a while until your mind learns how not to go from one nicotine "reward" to the next all the live long day. Now's a good time to do the most menial, mindless work you can think of since everything else unrelated to staying quit is going to be on autopilot for a little while. Keep it up and QLF!
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Keep up the good work Matt. Use your intro and post about your days, use it as a reminder of how things sucked or to talk about your quit and experience. Take it one day at a time (ODAAT). There will be times when you just need to take one minute at a time. Post roll early and then stick by your word all day. Wake up and repeat. You can do this.
Quit on.
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Day 5. Today fucking sucked! I can't focus on anything. Women's tennis wins today for holding my attention the longest. Made worse by the fact that I was paying attention to that while out to lunch with a customer. I can't sleep, not even tired tonight, just all day today. I also miss my morning shit, between 6:30 and 7 every morning. Now I randomly wander into the shitter 3-7 times a day with only about a 10% success rate.
All this suck and the only thing that keeps me going is that I'm never going to go through these days again. This is it the last quit. No more stops or breaks. NO MORE CAVES! I have been through these days before though. Stopped both smoking and dipping in 06 and stayed quit for a little over a year. Since then there have been probably 1 or 2 quits that lasted 100+ days and several that were a week to a month. Once I had a shred of accountability. In my 06 quit my wife was behind me 100%. She was my cheerleader. She was proud of my accomplishment. She told others about how good I was doing. And then I squandered it all. Not only did I cave, but I did not let my one true partner in this life in on my dirty little secret. Five years later my 3 year old daughter found a pouch, I had left it on the night stand when I took a nap on a day off. She took it to my wife and asked, "What's this?"
On that day my marriage was changed forever. I had betrayed her trust. If I could lie about this what else could I lie about? A year and a half later and we are still battling back from that moment. And now worst of all my wife does not trust in my quit. She is happy for me, glad that I have made the choice to quit, but she can't trust that I will stay quit or that I will not lie to her about it. She says that neither she nor our marriage are strong enough to go through that kind of betrayal again. She has also seen some failed attempts since she found me out, and was likely not trustful in those either. Like I said my one chance of accountability and I shit on it. Did not even have the nuts to confess my cave. Just carried on dipping for another five years.
Since my big cave and the beginning of my life of lies in 07 I have had no accountability in any of my failed attempts to kick this addiction. I have been accountable only to myself and my own nicotine addicted brain. And that is why I am here. I need to be held accountable. Without accountability I will fail. I do not think that it will be today or tomorrow or in 3 months, maybe not even 6 months. I have passed those milestones before on previous stops. But the bitch has always lured me back with "just one." I need brotherhood and accountability, and I need to find it now, while I'm still feeling "all zealous and shit."
My take away for the day is that I will always be a pickle (addict), for the rest of my life. I will never be a cucumber (normal) again. I must remain determined and vigilant 1yr, 10yrs, and 30 yrs down the road to never use nicotine in any form ever again.
For now I quit today. I will go try to get some sleep, wake up, post roll first thing and quit for another day.
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Day 5. Today fucking sucked! I can't focus on anything. Women's tennis wins today for holding my attention the longest. Made worse by the fact that I was paying attention to that while out to lunch with a customer. I can't sleep, not even tired tonight, just all day today. I also miss my morning shit, between 6:30 and 7 every morning. Now I randomly wander into the shitter 3-7 times a day with only about a 10% success rate.
All this suck and the only thing that keeps me going is that I'm never going to go through these days again. This is it the last quit. No more stops or breaks. NO MORE CAVES! I have been through these days before though. Stopped both smoking and dipping in 06 and stayed quit for a little over a year. Since then there have been probably 1 or 2 quits that lasted 100+ days and several that were a week to a month. Once I had a shred of accountability. In my 06 quit my wife was behind me 100%. She was my cheerleader. She was proud of my accomplishment. She told others about how good I was doing. And then I squandered it all. Not only did I cave, but I did not let my one true partner in this life in on my dirty little secret. Five years later my 3 year old daughter found a pouch, I had left it on the night stand when I took a nap on a day off. She took it to my wife and asked, "What's this?"
On that day my marriage was changed forever. I had betrayed her trust. If I could lie about this what else could I lie about? A year and a half later and we are still battling back from that moment. And now worst of all my wife does not trust in my quit. She is happy for me, glad that I have made the choice to quit, but she can't trust that I will stay quit or that I will not lie to her about it. She says that neither she nor our marriage are strong enough to go through that kind of betrayal again. She has also seen some failed attempts since she found me out, and was likely not trustful in those either. Like I said my one chance of accountability and I shit on it. Did not even have the nuts to confess my cave. Just carried on dipping for another five years.
Since my big cave and the beginning of my life of lies in 07 I have had no accountability in any of my failed attempts to kick this addiction. I have been accountable only to myself and my own nicotine addicted brain. And that is why I am here. I need to be held accountable. Without accountability I will fail. I do not think that it will be today or tomorrow or in 3 months, maybe not even 6 months. I have passed those milestones before on previous stops. But the bitch has always lured me back with "just one." I need brotherhood and accountability, and I need to find it now, while I'm still feeling "all zealous and shit."
My take away for the day is that I will always be a pickle (addict), for the rest of my life. I will never be a cucumber (normal) again. I must remain determined and vigilant 1yr, 10yrs, and 30 yrs down the road to never use nicotine in any form ever again.
For now I quit today. I will go try to get some sleep, wake up, post roll first thing and quit for another day.
This is why we have a saying around here, ODAAT. One day at a time.
You could use some ODAAT right now, because you are getting way ahead of yourself. There is no need to worry about the future, only today, all you need to wrap your addicted mind around is being quit right now, this day, this hour this minute. I can't tell you what I will be doing in another 1,000 days, if I will be here, if I will be quit, if I will even be alive. But today, we are quit.
With that being said, drink more water, go get some cranberry juice and drink that too. You should be almost out of the fog, but those can help you get through it.
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Day 5. Today fucking sucked! I can't focus on anything. Women's tennis wins today for holding my attention the longest. Made worse by the fact that I was paying attention to that while out to lunch with a customer. I can't sleep, not even tired tonight, just all day today. I also miss my morning shit, between 6:30 and 7 every morning. Now I randomly wander into the shitter 3-7 times a day with only about a 10% success rate.
All this suck and the only thing that keeps me going is that I'm never going to go through these days again. This is it the last quit. No more stops or breaks. NO MORE CAVES! I have been through these days before though. Stopped both smoking and dipping in 06 and stayed quit for a little over a year. Since then there have been probably 1 or 2 quits that lasted 100+ days and several that were a week to a month. Once I had a shred of accountability. In my 06 quit my wife was behind me 100%. She was my cheerleader. She was proud of my accomplishment. She told others about how good I was doing. And then I squandered it all. Not only did I cave, but I did not let my one true partner in this life in on my dirty little secret. Five years later my 3 year old daughter found a pouch, I had left it on the night stand when I took a nap on a day off. She took it to my wife and asked, "What's this?"
On that day my marriage was changed forever. I had betrayed her trust. If I could lie about this what else could I lie about? A year and a half later and we are still battling back from that moment. And now worst of all my wife does not trust in my quit. She is happy for me, glad that I have made the choice to quit, but she can't trust that I will stay quit or that I will not lie to her about it. She says that neither she nor our marriage are strong enough to go through that kind of betrayal again. She has also seen some failed attempts since she found me out, and was likely not trustful in those either. Like I said my one chance of accountability and I shit on it. Did not even have the nuts to confess my cave. Just carried on dipping for another five years.
Since my big cave and the beginning of my life of lies in 07 I have had no accountability in any of my failed attempts to kick this addiction. I have been accountable only to myself and my own nicotine addicted brain. And that is why I am here. I need to be held accountable. Without accountability I will fail. I do not think that it will be today or tomorrow or in 3 months, maybe not even 6 months. I have passed those milestones before on previous stops. But the bitch has always lured me back with "just one." I need brotherhood and accountability, and I need to find it now, while I'm still feeling "all zealous and shit."
My take away for the day is that I will always be a pickle (addict), for the rest of my life. I will never be a cucumber (normal) again. I must remain determined and vigilant 1yr, 10yrs, and 30 yrs down the road to never use nicotine in any form ever again.
For now I quit today. I will go try to get some sleep, wake up, post roll first thing and quit for another day.
Day 5 is nothing but underwear sand and cat piss. Just a wretched early day. I bet if you went and surveyed several other intros, you'd see a lot of folks feeling the urge to comment on how badly day 5 sucked for them. Seems like that's when the full blunt force of the early quit begins to strike. Your nerves are exposed and frayed. All of your available energy is focused on being quit in that moment. You're completely exhausted, but can't sleep for shit. And speaking of shit, you can't.
But, you weathered the storm. You made it to day 6 and so you post roll again and do anything and everything to protect your quit for today.
Believe me, I have plenty of firsthand knowledge of the effects (nuclear fallout, really) that the lies and ninja dipping can take on a marriage. Day 5 was the day that I finally and completely fessed up to my wife. I told her everything, laid it all out in the broad daylight. While I was relieved to have literally years full of lies off my chest, it is a conversation that I fully intend never to have again. Your wife and my wife have huge trust issues with us right now. My wife asked me how the hell she was supposed to help hold me accountable when I had just made it so clear what a sneaky, devious little ninja dipping bastard I was. I didn't really have an answer for her at the time, other than telling her to keep asking me if I'm still quit. Now that some time has gone by, it's more of the subtle things that she never picked up on before that tell her whether I am quit or not. Plus, I am very open and communicative about where I am day to day with my quit. I do my level best to spare her from the nic rage and other various drama, but she knows my wins or if I'm having a bad day.
I guess the point is, just like you can only quit one day at a time, you can only build that trust back up one day at a time.
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Mat, thank you for your "Day 5" post. I remember all the things you describe and I never want to do that again. your post helped me know why I am quit. I'm good for the day now.
Chris
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So it does finally start to get better. Yesterday, day 6 was the first day that was better than the day before instead of exponentially worse. Today the crave waves are gentle and only about waste high. Much easier to roll through the craves and on with my day. Previous waves had been the killer take you under, can't breathe, fight the undertow type. I don't miss that, but want to always remember the feeling and how much I hate the bitch so she cannot seduce me again.
More importantly I can feel my mind starting to clear. I can see myself for what I have been for the last 20 years, a selfish junkie. In my life I have faced few true struggles. Yet I have bitched about how rough I have it. My mind has always fallen back on the addiction. Just have a pinch, relax, and don't worry about anything else. To the point that I could tune out and turn off the ones that I truly love. Just let me out of the house, pull out the can, and let everthing else wash away.
And so here I am at 35, with my first true fight. Self inflicted I admit, but now I will truly fight for my life. I will fight with honesty and integrity. I will fight for the right to call myself a man.
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So it does finally start to get better. Yesterday, day 6 was the first day that was better than the day before instead of exponentially worse. Today the crave waves are gentle and only about waste high. Much easier to roll through the craves and on with my day. Previous waves had been the killer take you under, can't breathe, fight the undertow type. I don't miss that, but want to always remember the feeling and how much I hate the bitch so she cannot seduce me again.
More importantly I can feel my mind starting to clear. I can see myself for what I have been for the last 20 years, a selfish junkie. In my life I have faced few true struggles. Yet I have bitched about how rough I have it. My mind has always fallen back on the addiction. Just have a pinch, relax, and don't worry about anything else. To the point that I could tune out and turn off the ones that I truly love. Just let me out of the house, pull out the can, and let everthing else wash away.
And so here I am at 35, with my first true fight. Self inflicted I admit, but now I will truly fight for my life. I will fight with honesty and integrity. I will fight for the right to call myself a man.
Man....this was just what I needed today! After reading a few intros of people who've caved or just generally don't want to buy into the program, I was feeling frustrated! You sir, from everything I've read, "get it".
You're going to face many battles in this war. I'm beyond happy you are starting to feel "normal" again. Keep the guard up, she'll make another run at you, sooner or later. Get numbers, get accountability, so when she does come at you.... you can make the bitch, your bitch.
I can relate when you said you'd "tune the world out and loved ones" or "let the relaxation wash over you". That was me. When I had a dip in, nothing was wrong with the world. Things could be wrong, but I just didn't let them bother me. I had my old friend with me and she was giving me what I wanted. Or so I thought. I can tell you....being nic free, having freedom, is way better than being a slave. How I feel today, is how everyone is suppose to feel. I'm clear, happy, dealing with stress in a healthy way, no panicky feeling that I don't have any nic. Nope, I'm content living a nic free life.
Love your attitude man. Shoot me a PM if you need a number or just to talk. I'm in your corner during this fight!
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The Two Wolves- A Native American Cherokee Story
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.
“One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
“The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Stole this from fmbm707 intro because I need it to be somewhere where I can find it.
True for your quit and true for your life. I for one could certainly use the reminder.
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All I can say is...Damn! Thanks FMBM and yourself for sharing this. I'll be using that story for future reference. Quit on man!
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The Two Wolves- A Native American Cherokee Story
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.
“One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
“The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Stole this from fmbm707 intro because I need it to be somewhere where I can find it.
True for your quit and true for your life. I for one could certainly use the reminder.
Mat849-
Glad you liked the story. I read that story years ago and kept it in a file and rarely thought about it. Then one day in a moment of clarity that story popped in my head and it really resonated about the struggle of quitting or even just being a better person. I don't know how to explain it but my abuse of nicotine changed my character for the worse. This story reminded me a better person was in there- I just needed to feed it. These changes don't just happen over night- you have to feed the good wolf every day and by doing so that wolf will win.
Feeding the good wolf of quit with you Mat849, every damn day, one day at a time.
Keep up the good fight and Quit on.
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So I had my first ever dip dream. I really thought those were a fucking myth.
Dream: Me and a couple of buddies had escaped prison. We stole a truck and some other stuff from a c-store, including a couple cans of shit. Most of the dream concentrated on me enjoying a double lipper (one on each side) while we tore down the highway running from the cops.
So by the time I was fully awake I 1)Felt like shit for being a weak ass caver.
2)Legitimately thought I was going to have to go post day 1 with December
3)Had already partially formulated my answers to the 3 questions.
One of the answers was very interesting. Why did it happen?
I was trying to take the short way out (escape from prison), instead of planning to ride through all the suck (prison sentence) to come out the other side free. When I threw in my double lipper I knew that this jailbreak had no chance of success and that I would end up back in prison.
My subconscious mind associated my addiction with a prison sentence. Pretty cool I thought, because consciously we all know that, but maybe now the fact is starting to sink in deeper for me.
Now if I could just consciously convince my self to stop feeling like a cheating asshole who lied to himself and his quit group I would be having a pretty damn good day.
Stupid fucking dream.
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haha, I can totally relate, I had one the other day where I was dipping my face off throughout the dream and the guilt I experienced when I woke up was fucked up. Took me a few minutes to realize I was still on the right path and had only been dreaming. How's your quit going at this point?
JJ
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PS hit me up on PM if you ever need help in any capacity!
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Dip dreams are awful. I had one a couple weeks ago, and after realizing I didn't cave, all I could think was "Really? After two months this is still happening?"
If that doesn't show you how much nicotine rewired our brain though, I don't know what will. Here's another plus: knowing you're starving the cravings so much that they have to resort to your subconscious dreams. Waking up knowing you didn't actually cave and just dreamed about it is much better than waking up and remembering you caved and bought a can or a pack.
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Those cave dreams are a trip, right? I've been quit now for 153 days I average a dip dream about once a month. Those dreams will have me checking my pockets, searching my truck looking in my secret hiding places just to verify that I didn't cave. It's crazy to think how addicted we are. This too shall pass...
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I've definitely had a few dip dreams. The best thing that can be said of them is they give you a glimpse of where you would be if you caved. So use this dream as another tool in your toolbox of quit.
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Day 30 Time for a little reflection.
So many thoughts flying around, many of them half formed. I will attempt to make sense of them for myself, but reader beware. Let's start with a look back over the last few weeks.
Days 10-20:Most of these days I was feeling pretty good. Coming out of the fog and starting to feel more confident. Still not a productive time for me in work or life in general. Lots of time spent reading here. I think it was day 13 that I had an interview for a promotion at work. Normally the whole process is a huge stress/trigger for me. Interview went well and I was proud of myself for getting through without falling back on the mental crutch of my addiction. Day 18 I got a call from the hiring manager letting me know I was his main candidate and I would be interviewing with his supervisor the following Friday (day 23). Looking back I may have been overly confident in both my career and quit progress (more on this in a bit).
Day 23:The day of the big interview. Leading up to the day still tons of confidence. Being built up by my coworkers, "You're the man for the job," "You deserve it." Feeling great about my quit, "I've got this shit!" "One day at a time is easy, I can do anything for 24 hours." What I failed to realize (lingering fog) was how much time and effort was still required this early in my quit. It was then and still is today an almost all consuming effort. So back to the interview, I show up under prepared and not in the right state of mind. Most of the interview was easy, what I expected, and went fairly smooth. Somewhere towards the end of the interview there came a question that I was not prepared for, and quite frankly pissed me off a little bit. A question that I felt was unfair. It wasn't unfair, by the way, I just flat out wasn't prepared for an interview. This may have been another reason for my irritation and anger. If anything in the past I have over prepared for interviews. Now right in the middle of what I thought was a sure thing, I've got the job interview, I realized that I had done nothing in the four days since I was notified to prepare myself.
Needless to say I left the interview in horrible spirits. All the wind let out of my sails, feelings of personal failure, and still some excuses and thoughts trying to lay blame elsewhere, anywhere but where it belongs (on me). This began nearly a week of a strange funk fog combination. Funkog, or fogunk or whatever combination of those letters that tickles your taint. During this time I kept my head above water only because of KTC. I have been overly sensitive and extremely irritable. Same day as the interview, and back in the store, I punched a computer screen because of a bad and "unfair" customer review that I received an email about. The following Monday a delivery driver thought I should be helping him instead of the line of customers that was stacking up out front. He was promptly told to "Fuck Off!" Nothing about my thoughts or actions seemed to make sense in the real world. Here at KTC, reading the thoughts and actions of other fucked up addicts, complete strangers, is the only thing that made any sense. And then....
Day 28:A couple of breakthroughs. 1)I finally decided to break my somewhat reserved silence here. Posting roll and reading everything will only get you so far and I was at the tipping point of how far it was going to get me. Interaction and participation are crucial.
A bunch of random screen names + typing my name next to them = Error 404 Not Found
My guess is that eventual drift and failure lay down that path. So I decided to reach out to my November brothers with a request for help/suggestions on how to build brotherhood and accountability. Actual post wasn't that direct, but let's take baby steps here. Thanks to all those who replied! Moving forward I know that there are many who already have my back, and all I need to do is ask and there will be a line of others who will do the same. In addition this influenced a change in my philosophy. I will offer help and support to anyone and everyone that I can and in doing so I will never have to worry about who will be there in my hour of need.
2)My wife broke her silence on the matter of quit and dropped some hard truths that I needed to hear about quit and how it relates to my job.
1)Interviewing has always been a weakness for me. My quit and the effort put into it contributed to my lack of preparation, but should not be blamed
2)I have a good job and should not take it for granted. I am in a place where I need to concentrate on relearning and retraining myself to perform as I should in my current position.
3)Taking on the task of learning a new position will complicate the already hard process of quit. Quit deserves my full attention right now. Whatever comes promotion or no, I must and will continue to do whatever it takes to remain quit.
As for my potential promotion I am still in limbo, should hear something by Monday. The more important thing here is that my quit is both intact and stronger now than ever. Life will always have ups and downs, quit will always have ups and downs. When life does not go my way I have never considered putting a gun to my head. Why then would I choose to poison myself everyday through ups and downs? Unbelievable to me now that for 20 years killing myself was an acceptable behavior.
Well there you have it. A long winded rant. A purge of all that I have let build up inside of me. It is all in the past. Today I quit like fuck. I choose to not kill myself. The rest will take care of itself.
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One final thought for the day. I have never liked having thoughts or feelings of weakness. I have hated sharing or showing any weakness to others.
Having one weakness or many does not make a person weak.
Strength is recognizing the weakness in yourself, owning it, and doing whatever it takes to correct it.
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Time for an update, with a focus on being less long winded. Day 52, a little over half way to the starting blocks of HOF. Every day I feel more freedom, and though I still have to deal with the every day shit that is life, I no longer feel like I am on a nightmare roller coaster.
In addition to feeling more stable in my, quit I am attempting to get my shit together in life in general. Yesterday I met with a therapist that specializes in addiction. Not gonna change anything about my approach to killing the nicotine bitch, KTC works, but I needed to talk to someone about how I interact with the world. I tend to jump from obsession to obsession and become completely consumed by them for some undetermined amount of time. I won't go into further detail, but my work and family life are being effected by my actions and this must and will stop.
So now I have work to do to make myself a better man. If I am going to extend my life by kicking nic in the crotch edd, I am going to do everything in my power to make it a better life for me and for my family.
Finally let's look at the cause of my minor mental melt down back on 09/20. I was in bad place mentally and emotionally and struggling with my quit along with many other personal dramas. Overreaction and self doubt were the order of the day. In the end I did end up getting the promotion that I was in for, and I start my new position tomorrow.
Let's wrap this up. I will KEEP POSTING UP +1 EDD. I will FEED THE GOOD WOLF EDD. I will QLF WITH ANYONE WHO IS HERE TO DO THE SAME EDD!
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So, new experience, for me anyway. I had a quit dream.
Don't remember too many details but it was all about helping my quit brothers here on KTC, and preaching quit to my friends in the real world. Woke up this morning feeling pretty bad ass. Much better feeling than waking up after a dip/cave dream.
Looking forward to many more mornings waking up feeling like a bad ass.
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So, new experience, for me anyway. I had a quit dream.
Don't remember too many details but it was all about helping my quit brothers here on KTC, and preaching quit to my friends in the real world. Woke up this morning feeling pretty bad ass. Much better feeling than waking up after a dip/cave dream.
Looking forward to many more mornings waking up feeling like a bad ass.
Keep up the good work Mat849! Keep helping others. Keep working on your quit ODAAT and build that foundation. We can't change who we are overnight but ODAAT we can keep working towards being that better person. Quit with you! Quit on.
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54 days is bad ass. Keep posting in your intro, and read it on HoF day, it's a blast!
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So, new experience, for me anyway. I had a quit dream.
Don't remember too many details but it was all about helping my quit brothers here on KTC, and preaching quit to my friends in the real world. Woke up this morning feeling pretty bad ass. Much better feeling than waking up after a dip/cave dream.
Looking forward to many more mornings waking up feeling like a bad ass.
There is the key, Matt. Realizing on your own, that you are a Bad Ass Quitter. You are starting to figure out who you are as an adult with out the controlling tranny nic bitch.
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Fuck there's a lot of dust in here! Forgot to post up in here for the last 50 days.
So, where to start? Today is 115. HOF day was 11/30, the Saturday after thanksgiving. Feels good to be quit, just like it felt good to be quit days 30-100. That first 30 was a real foggy fucking mess to think back on, and there have been many struggles since.
So now I will buckle up each morning and drive my nic free ass through life ODAAT. I know I read in another intro the comparison of posting roll to putting on your seat belt before every drive. I'd like to take the driving metaphor a step further. I feel like KTC has been like a defensive driving course for nic free life.
I spent the first 100 days just learning how to avoid all the hazards of the road. Now, after 100, I am slowly learning to enjoy the drive. I can look around and enjoy the view. I have the confidence now to drive longer distances and to new locations.
Thanks to the first 100 of KTC drivers ed I know to always think safety first. Hands on the wheel, I'm always in control (not the bitch). Check my mirrors (never know where that bitch might try to sneak up on you). Always have a plan, and most importantly, always buckle up (post roll first thing in the morning) before you start driving.
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Matt - Congrats on a full year quit! That was the milestone that meant the most to me. Your new habit is quitting and you're damn good at it. Keep on doing what you do so well here. An as always, I appreciate your support. Keep on rocking it.
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Matt - Congrats on a full year quit! That was the milestone that meant the most to me. Your new habit is quitting and you're damn good at it. Keep on doing what you do so well here. An as always, I appreciate your support. Keep on rocking it.
Nice full circle bro!
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Matt...Congratulation on 1 year of Quit......thanks for all the support over my last 249 days....i quit with you everyday!
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Matt...Congratulation on 1 year of Quit......thanks for all the support over my last 249 days....i quit with you everyday!
Congratulations Matt, obviously what you're doing is working, don't change a thing and keep paying it forward! Quit on my brother!
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Thanks gentlemen. This is definitely a milestone where I feel like I have accomplished something. Obviously it can only be done odaat, but now I feel like a quitter. Thanks for all the support and help along the way! Wouldn't be here without it.
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Congrats on 400 days Mat!
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Day 401 is even sweeter!
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My man! Keep stacking them and smell the sweet revenge! Damn proud to be quit with you today my brother!
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Day 401 is even sweeter!
Really like to see that you're still engaged with KTC; 400 days is one hell of an accomplishment. Congrats.