KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: SamueL on December 03, 2015, 02:08:00 PM
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My name is Sam and on October 24, 2015 I went to the emergency room with severe dizziness and confusion. The docs ran a CT and EKG, both of which came back clean as a whistle. I don't know for sure what sent me there in the first place, but ever since that day I have been nicotine and caffeine free. My only speculation is that I was two days off of caffeine by that point and I could have been withdrawing from it, or maybe I had overdosed on nic.
At any rate, hello. I have been a nicotine addict for 12 years. I have smoked, dipped, chewed nicotine gum, and vaped in that time. When I was smoking, I would have a piece of nicotine gum in my mouth too. If I was dipping, I was dipping all day. If I was using snus, I would never spend a waking moment without one in my mouth. If I was vaping, I was vaping non-stop all day long. My addiction level has been unreal.
When I left the ER that day I came back home with no answers, and a building sense of health anxiety. I still had all of my nicotine-delivery products here at my home, out in the open. I have since put them all away but I still have them all. I keep it all as a sign to myself that I can face my enemy. I know I will never touch the shit ever again so I'm simply not in any hurry to toss all of it. I even have a can of snus from when I quit and an old pack of cigarettes that I have had since January 31, 2015 and all of my vape stuff.
My problem is not that I want to ingest nicotine. I sincerely don't, and I NEVER think "gee, I'd sure like a dip/vape/whatever." My problem is severe emotion. In the earliest days, I would curl into the fetal position, muscles fully tensed, and sob until I could barely breathe. Other days, I would panic. Other days, both. I even had my first full-blown panic attack on my 3rd or 4th day nic-free. I will never forget that fear. For at least two weeks, my days would go as such, bouncing back and forth between crippling anxiety and deep, dark depression complete with infantile sobbing. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, I had three very good days with no major problems at all. And then another week of severe emotion. And then another few days of clarity. And then emotion. I cried again today just before signing up for KTC and making this post.
I really fucking hate this, guys, and I'm having so much trouble dealing with it. My wife is so sweet and very supportive of me - she holds me when I need it and she tells me everything is going to be okay. I want to believe that. We have a 5-year-old boy and I am sticking with this quit so that I can be an example to him. He has seen me crying only once throughout this ordeal and he came and gave me a hug and told me he loves me. I hope one day he will remember that time he saw his old man crying and use that memory to never allow himself to touch nicotine.
Surely some of you guys might recommend seeing a doc to get some pills, but I need you guys to understand that I was a victim of the early days of the ADHD craze where docs were prescribing kids left and right with legal speed, and so it was until I was 16 and I took up smoking and gave up the ritalin/adderall. I have come to realize that it is possible that I have never once been sober since I was 8-10 years old, and that breaks my heart. All of that being said, I just can't bring myself to trust medicine. I want my brain to fix itself. I want to live free of addiction. Damn it, it's so hard.
I go for long walks every day, between 3-6 miles a day. It helps sometimes.
Have any of you ever had days like this? The crying? Occasionally waking up with a pounding heart? Some days are better than others. Some days I feel like I'm completely healed, but the next day or two kicks my ass and reminds me that I'm not. So, 41 days in, am I an abnormal case, or does this seem to fit the mold? 'help'
-Sam (41 days)
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Sam, first off I congratulate you for doing this on your own for 41 days. You have found this place and I see that you have posted roll so I know that for the next 24 hours you will be nic free. This place is pretty simple, post roll FIRST thing every morning giving us your word that you will not use nic and then start over the next day. Don't worry about "forever" just keep your word that you will not use for 24 hours and repeat.
As far as everything you are going through, yes it is normal. We all have not had every symptom you are going through but you will find people who have delt or are dealing with what you are. That is the great thing about KTC, everyone here is going through or has gone through it and we are all in this together. I encourage you to really explore and read as much as you can on tis site, in fact there are forums here for people who are giving up caffine like you are.
In the upper right corner of the screen is your inbox, check it because I have sent you my digits if you need anything reach out, you are not in this alone. Part of how this place works is accountability, you will see total strangers trading numbers so that they can help each other if needed so it may seem strange at first but it will work if you let it.
The anxiety issue is one that I would consider seeing a Dr for if it is getting to the point that you are not able to function. The main focus is to not use nic by any means necessary, hell I've heard stories of guys stuffing grass in thier lips until the crave goes away. I'll be honest that I and many others here do not think it's smart to keep a "trophy can", you need to throw that shit out NOW, there is no reason to keep that shit around, beside your are never going to use it again anyway right?
You got this Sam!
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Sam,
Great job on making it 41 days on your own, that is truly an accomplishment! I echo what jp said about the trophy can, you can't completely quit until you have burned that final bridge. Give yourself no other option. From this point on there is only one way forward and that is a life free of addiction.
Check out this page Anxiety and Depression (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1009791/1/). Spread your accountability net wide. You are not abnormal. We are all in this together.
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The mental aspect is a often over looked part of quitting. The addiction has masked these issues for a long time and the gates are opening.
I had a tough time as well and I got a couple pieces of advice that I will pass on:
1. forgive yourself, you cannot change the past, you poisoned yourself and you cannot undo that. But dwelling on it won't help.
2. move forward, use this as a catalyst to get better, improve your health (workout, eat better, improve your career and improve your mental health.
3. quit each day, read and help others by sharing your story
Proud to be quit Idaho Spuds
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SamueL, you are not alone. In my first life here at KTC, I had stopped nicotine for 60 days on my own and came here in a panic. I had emotions very similar to what you describe but was sure I would never use nicotine again. Let me say that believing you have this beat in conjunction with the emotions you are feeling are a recipe for disaster. Two things need to change right now: Get rid of all nicotine in your house. Keeping this stuff around is like continuing to text an ex. Bad, bad bad idea. The next thing you need to do is realize will always be a nicotine addict. Even though at the moment you feel extreme shame and guilt, you need to take this thing one day at a time.
I encourage you to make up for lost time. Your brothers have had time to exchange digits and become intimate with the way things work here. Do the same. PM the members of your group, exchange digits and USE THEM. I'll be watching for your daily promise and am glad you are here.
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On October 24, 2015 I went to the emergency room with severe dizziness and confusion. The docs ran a CT and EKG, both of which came back clean as a whistle. I don't know for sure what sent me there in the first place.
My addiction level has been unreal.
When I left the ER that day I came back home with no answers, and a building sense of health anxiety.
I still had all of my nicotine-delivery products here at my home, out in the open. I have since put them all away but I still have them all.
My problem is severe emotion. In the earliest days, I would curl into the fetal position, muscles fully tensed, and sob until I could barely breathe. Other days, I would panic. Other days, both. I even had my first full-blown panic attack on my 3rd or 4th day nic-free. I will never forget that fear.
I hope one day he will remember that time he saw his old man crying and use that memory to never allow himself to touch nicotine.
I was a victim of the early days of the ADHD craze where docs were prescribing kids left and right with legal speed.
Have any of you ever had days like this?
Sam,
I work in the medical field and have all of my adult life. I am not so skeptical of the intentions of physicians. I am sure we have all had bad experiences and unnecessary procedures. I have met my share of asshole doctors and incorrect diagnoses. Nonetheless.....
First off, when you go to the emergency room, you are expecting to find out what is wrong with you. The ER staff, however, is not concerned about diagnosing you, they are concerned that you don't die. That is a big difference. And so it is common for people to leave the ER without knowing exactly what the problem is. To get a diagnosis, you need to see a doctor in a non-emergency setting. Don't get anxious that the ER staff didn't give you a diagnosis; it isn't their job. You left alive: that is their job.
Second off, nicotine happens to mimic natural neurotransmitters so successfully in the brain that your brain quits making these natural neurotransmitters (the technical jargon is that "nicotine down-regulates natural neurotransmitters"). The higher your nicotine intake, the less neurotransmitters you make. That nicotine is doing something to the brain: it is regulating your mood, and has been all of these years. Your body does not make nicotine, however, so when the nicotine levels in your body drop, you poor brain is missing what it needs to regulate mood. And so you feel depressed, or angry, or cry, or anxiety, or even panic. The awesome news is that the brain will start to make natural neurotransmitters again. The frustrating news is that it can take several weeks to a few months to get the levels you need to regulate mood.
Third off, read around this website and you will see how many people experience panic attacks. I had panic attacks unrelated to nicotine (in fact, I started nicotine after stopping for 3 years to try to alleviate the panic attacks), and they interfered with graduate school so much that I had to take a leave of absence. If the panic attacks are going to fuck up your life, go get 2 week's worth of some anti-anxiety medication and take only as needed. I have been fetal position crying on the floor. I would rather take something and function. That's me, you need to decide what's right for you.
Fourth off, if kids stayed off tobacco by watching all of the bad shit that happens to their parents, no kid would use tobacco. It doesn't work like that. If a kid sees you using tobacco, he is likely to. If his parents don't use tobacco, he is not likely to either.
Fifth off, this site tries to bring hope, but it also calls bullshit. You are keeping 'nicotine delivery systems' around the house as a crutch in case you cannot handle the anxiety and then you can justify caving. You are lying to yourself when you tell yourself otherwise.
Join your group and start posting roll every day, first thing in the morning. When life goes bat-shit crazy, some mundane routine action is just what you need to start to get grounded again. You are a high risk for caving. Get some support, and start to give it in return.
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I hope you are doing better. Glad you are hitting up the Live Chat, I spent many days in there and its saved me a ton of times.
The emotions are such a rollercoaster for sure and even at 41 days, you will even out and then go back to the high anxiety at times... you just are rewiring your brain at this point.
I have had to learn to deal with things completely off of any drug, and that was hard and still is at times, I am 249 days today. But I do have to say , it does get better and the down times are much lighter and less frequent.
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Thank you all so much for replying. All of the kind words and support are very much appreciated and I'm deeply humbled.
Today was a hard day for me. I spent much of it in a funk, and all said I must have cried for an hour or so total. For some reason, I have yet to have a "crave" in the sense that I consciously want some nicotine. That has never once happened since I quit. My struggle manifests itself differently from that, I suppose. I just wish this intense pain would bring itself to an end so that I can once again be a joyful parent and strong partner.
If it will make you guys trust me more, consider the trophies trashed. (After typing those words, I stood up, collected the old smokes and snus, and flushed them down the toilet.) I'm quite serious about this quit. The only slips I've had this entire time was allowing myself to take a pre-workout supplement containing caffeine a few weeks back (followed by complete relapse of symptoms) and by allowing myself to eat milk chocolate (which contains a small amount of caffeine). Zero nic slips.
I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that yes, it can be this bad even after 41 days, but that it does get better. I've been browsing KTC for a couple of weeks now, reading every comment I possibly can (mostly on the main page) to try to find someone that tells my own story back to me, followed by a commentary on how much better he/she felt eventually. This site has been a great help and now I'm happy to be able to tell my own story here. Perhaps one day I will be able to post in this thread and say "I'm all better and life is sweet again."
How I yearn for that.
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Welcome to the dog house SamueL!
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PM sent to you SamueL.
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Thank you all so much for replying. All of the kind words and support are very much appreciated and I'm deeply humbled.
Today was a hard day for me. I spent much of it in a funk, and all said I must have cried for an hour or so total. For some reason, I have yet to have a "crave" in the sense that I consciously want some nicotine. That has never once happened since I quit. My struggle manifests itself differently from that, I suppose. I just wish this intense pain would bring itself to an end so that I can once again be a joyful parent and strong partner.
If it will make you guys trust me more, consider the trophies trashed. (After typing those words, I stood up, collected the old smokes and snus, and flushed them down the toilet.) I'm quite serious about this quit. The only slips I've had this entire time was allowing myself to take a pre-workout supplement containing caffeine a few weeks back (followed by complete relapse of symptoms) and by allowing myself to eat milk chocolate (which contains a small amount of caffeine). Zero nic slips.
I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that yes, it can be this bad even after 41 days, but that it does get better. I've been browsing KTC for a couple of weeks now, reading every comment I possibly can (mostly on the main page) to try to find someone that tells my own story back to me, followed by a commentary on how much better he/she felt eventually. This site has been a great help and now I'm happy to be able to tell my own story here. Perhaps one day I will be able to post in this thread and say "I'm all better and life is sweet again."
How I yearn for that.
This isn't about me, it is about you... But this might help...
I quit on my own for 16 days. On day 16 I woke up crying like a baby and couldn't stop. Was actually having some very, very dark thoughts. Couldn't get out of bed. Wife thought I'd lost my mind. Called in sick. For hours I just laid in bed. I finally got online looking for help, and I found this place. I felt like this for a while. My deep fog lasted well over 50 days, not gonna lie.
I didn't get antidepressant help mostly because I wanted to clearly remember exactly what I'd done to myself. My depression and sadness was short term. There is nothing wrong with taking them and I'm sure there is something that could help you. If you choose to go that way.
Thus process fucking sucks, until it doesn't. You are doing this right. Jump in your group or chat when the tears and fears come. We are all in this together bud. I also can promise you... You will post an update one day SHOCKED at how good you feel.
Hang in there today. Don't worry about tomorrow.
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Thank you all so much for replying. All of the kind words and support are very much appreciated and I'm deeply humbled.
Today was a hard day for me. I spent much of it in a funk, and all said I must have cried for an hour or so total. For some reason, I have yet to have a "crave" in the sense that I consciously want some nicotine. That has never once happened since I quit. My struggle manifests itself differently from that, I suppose. I just wish this intense pain would bring itself to an end so that I can once again be a joyful parent and strong partner.
If it will make you guys trust me more, consider the trophies trashed. (After typing those words, I stood up, collected the old smokes and snus, and flushed them down the toilet.) I'm quite serious about this quit. The only slips I've had this entire time was allowing myself to take a pre-workout supplement containing caffeine a few weeks back (followed by complete relapse of symptoms) and by allowing myself to eat milk chocolate (which contains a small amount of caffeine). Zero nic slips.
I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that yes, it can be this bad even after 41 days, but that it does get better. I've been browsing KTC for a couple of weeks now, reading every comment I possibly can (mostly on the main page) to try to find someone that tells my own story back to me, followed by a commentary on how much better he/she felt eventually. This site has been a great help and now I'm happy to be able to tell my own story here. Perhaps one day I will be able to post in this thread and say "I'm all better and life is sweet again."
How I yearn for that.
This isn't about me, it is about you... But this might help...
I quit on my own for 16 days. On day 16 I woke up crying like a baby and couldn't stop. Was actually having some very, very dark thoughts. Couldn't get out of bed. Wife thought I'd lost my mind. Called in sick. For hours I just laid in bed. I finally got online looking for help, and I found this place. I felt like this for a while. My deep fog lasted well over 50 days, not gonna lie.
I didn't get antidepressant help mostly because I wanted to clearly remember exactly what I'd done to myself. My depression and sadness was short term. There is nothing wrong with taking them and I'm sure there is something that could help you. If you choose to go that way.
Thus process fucking sucks, until it doesn't. You are doing this right. Jump in your group or chat when the tears and fears come. We are all in this together bud. I also can promise you... You will post an update one day SHOCKED at how good you feel.
Hang in there today. Don't worry about tomorrow.
This ^^^ is quit gospel Sam, read it over and over again.
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Thank you all so much for replying. All of the kind words and support are very much appreciated and I'm deeply humbled.
Today was a hard day for me. I spent much of it in a funk, and all said I must have cried for an hour or so total. For some reason, I have yet to have a "crave" in the sense that I consciously want some nicotine. That has never once happened since I quit. My struggle manifests itself differently from that, I suppose. I just wish this intense pain would bring itself to an end so that I can once again be a joyful parent and strong partner.
If it will make you guys trust me more, consider the trophies trashed. (After typing those words, I stood up, collected the old smokes and snus, and flushed them down the toilet.) I'm quite serious about this quit. The only slips I've had this entire time was allowing myself to take a pre-workout supplement containing caffeine a few weeks back (followed by complete relapse of symptoms) and by allowing myself to eat milk chocolate (which contains a small amount of caffeine). Zero nic slips.
I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that yes, it can be this bad even after 41 days, but that it does get better. I've been browsing KTC for a couple of weeks now, reading every comment I possibly can (mostly on the main page) to try to find someone that tells my own story back to me, followed by a commentary on how much better he/she felt eventually. This site has been a great help and now I'm happy to be able to tell my own story here. Perhaps one day I will be able to post in this thread and say "I'm all better and life is sweet again."
How I yearn for that.
This isn't about me, it is about you... But this might help...
I quit on my own for 16 days. On day 16 I woke up crying like a baby and couldn't stop. Was actually having some very, very dark thoughts. Couldn't get out of bed. Wife thought I'd lost my mind. Called in sick. For hours I just laid in bed. I finally got online looking for help, and I found this place. I felt like this for a while. My deep fog lasted well over 50 days, not gonna lie.
I didn't get antidepressant help mostly because I wanted to clearly remember exactly what I'd done to myself. My depression and sadness was short term. There is nothing wrong with taking them and I'm sure there is something that could help you. If you choose to go that way.
Thus process fucking sucks, until it doesn't. You are doing this right. Jump in your group or chat when the tears and fears come. We are all in this together bud. I also can promise you... You will post an update one day SHOCKED at how good you feel.
Hang in there today. Don't worry about tomorrow.
This ^^^ is quit gospel Sam, read it over and over again.
Sams stick together. You got this bro.
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Samuel, you are not alone my man. I have been having a rough time the past 22 ddays myself. I had a anxiety attack on the first day of my quit with some really edgy days that followed then another anxiety attack that sent me to the ER as well. I also had a couple days where i felt normal and then bam anxiety attack. It's frustrating feeling uneasy in your own skin. My anxiety is getting better everyday, though! So try to stay positive. I know that's hard to do right now but there ard better days a head. Send me a message any time, man. We can help each other.
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Hey - how is it going???
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Hey - how is it going???
How you doing Samuel?
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Hey - how is it going???
I have actually been meaning to give an update, so here it goes. I have been reading everyone's introductions, trying to find someone's story that closely mirrors my own, and I think I've finally found it. The man calls himself Bigbob, and here is his story (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/10236746/1/). He did a great job chronicling his story from the earliest days of his membership here. I cannot say that I have done the same.
Bigbob defined his "fog" as sensations in his brain, such as tingling, throbbing, pulsing, dizziness, and the inability for his eyes to "work properly." In other words, he felt "off" and all of these things were causing him great distress. He was unable to identify whether these foggy symptoms were a direct result of brain rewiring, or a result of near-constant anxiety. It is safe to say that he was a complete mess, and it made him scared.
All of these things describe me.
He yearned for normalcy, and he experienced symptoms during his quit far beyond what many others report. He lamented the fact that he had such a hard time finding validation in anyone else's stories. He grappled, trying to find security in the things he was reading, but many of them were contradictory. Bigbob would read uplifting words in another man's tale, only to have the image of a light at the end of the tunnel shattered by others saying "there is no finish line; there is no rainbow."
All of these feelings describe my feelings.
Worktowin: you were there while Bigbob was struggling. You even addressed that final remark with a simple word: "bullshit." I cannot tell you how much reading that one word in that particular context helped. I have read a lot of the things you have said to other people, and you come across very convincingly that this does get better. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
I'm merely playing the hand I am dealt in a game that is way beyond my skill level. The only things that have kept me going this long are my ironclad willpower and my ever-flourishing relationship with God.
My mother always said I was hardheaded, and because of this experience, I'm finally beginning to appreciate that about myself. I do not want nicotine. I do not want caffeine. I do not want a doctor's pills.
I want to beat this on my own terms, come hell or high water.
Thank you all for your continued support, and for checking in on me. I have had my ups and downs for the past few days but I feel like I have been able to get a grip on myself lately. The anxiety comes and goes. Sometimes it is controllable, and other times when I get that chest tightness and restlessness coming on, I just have to distract myself by staying busy or just soldier on through it (an hour or more if I can't be distracted) until it passes. The fog as Bigbob described it is still always there but I'm slowly learning to ignore it and not let it bother me so much.
If any of you are the praying type, I ask that you keep me in yours, as I shall have you in mine. When next I go to cathedral, I will light a votive candle for the KTC crew.
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As an additional remark: in the past few days I have actually been able to start feeling the Christmas spirit. I was beginning to worry that the jolly season would come and go with me never being able to fully appreciate its gravity.
Sunny (my wife), our boy, and I spent the day putting up our inside and outside Christmas decorations yesterday, and that did a lot to lift my spirit.
Happy holidays, everyone. May we all be able to celebrate, no matter our beliefs.
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Congrats Sam. I'm glad you're turning a corner early on in your quit. Keep your resolve strong and if it begins to falter, get in here and talk about it. Others will be happy to jump in and give you a boost when you need one. That's the beauty of this place and it looks like you're starting to get that already. Keep it up, as W2W says, it definitely gets better.
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Dear journal,
Today I woke up feeling sad and afraid. Since my quit, I do that a lot. I give Sunny a hug and a kiss before she leaves to take the kid to school and go to work, and then all goes quiet and I'm home alone. That's the worst feeling.
In July of 2014 I lost my full-time job. Since then, I have tried and failed to start my own business and have run completely through my savings trying to keep my family afloat. Sunny bounced from job to job in that time and was a big help in slowing the hemorrhage. I spent a lot of time looking for work and could never find anything (not even a simple retail job) until recently. It's part time, and the pay is poor, but at least it's something. I just wish that it were full time so I could spend every day with some worthwhile task to occupy my time. As it stands now, I take the KTC creed of "One Day At A Time" quite literally, because most of my days are wide open, and I have to find some meaningful way to fill that time. Every day is a struggle. On my good days, I'll spend the day playing guitar, tidying up, or indulging my thirst for learning. On my bad days, I'll spend the day walking (literally the whole day). When I walk, it keeps me from going to the gym later in the day. I have been lifting weights regularly and very seriously for two years, so missing my gym time is a serious downer.
I can't help but think that these troubles create a compounding effect with my already-difficult quit. I miss the times where my weekdays were fully occupied and predictable. At least in those times, I was able to provide for my family. I'm no longer being asphyxiated by the limitless freedom that a year and a half of unemployment offers, but I am still struggling to breathe under the crushing weight of my own expectations of myself. I need to get better to the point where no days are marked by "emotions from the quit" so that I can continue to pull myself back up and into a position where I can be somebody great, if only for myself and my family.
I do not mean to be self-pitying, but my state of mind has been much more erratic in the past 46 days. Most of you understand, I think. At any rate, I may frequently break the fourth wall in my scatterbrained journal musings, but make no mistake: these words are for me.
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Hang in there Samuel. We all go through tough times that last way too long before they get better. You cannot control a lot of things, but you can always control what goes in your mouth. You are improving you health and your budget by staying off nicotine, and I hope you have a sense of pride in yourself as well.
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Dear journal,
Today I woke up feeling sad and afraid. Since my quit, I do that a lot. I give Sunny a hug and a kiss before she leaves to take the kid to school and go to work, and then all goes quiet and I'm home alone. That's the worst feeling.
In July of 2014 I lost my full-time job. Since then, I have tried and failed to start my own business and have run completely through my savings trying to keep my family afloat. Sunny bounced from job to job in that time and was a big help in slowing the hemorrhage. I spent a lot of time looking for work and could never find anything (not even a simple retail job) until recently. It's part time, and the pay is poor, but at least it's something. I just wish that it were full time so I could spend every day with some worthwhile task to occupy my time. As it stands now, I take the KTC creed of "One Day At A Time" quite literally, because most of my days are wide open, and I have to find some meaningful way to fill that time. Every day is a struggle. On my good days, I'll spend the day playing guitar, tidying up, or indulging my thirst for learning. On my bad days, I'll spend the day walking (literally the whole day). When I walk, it keeps me from going to the gym later in the day. I have been lifting weights regularly and very seriously for two years, so missing my gym time is a serious downer.
I can't help but think that these troubles create a compounding effect with my already-difficult quit. I miss the times where my weekdays were fully occupied and predictable. At least in those times, I was able to provide for my family. I'm no longer being asphyxiated by the limitless freedom that a year and a half of unemployment offers, but I am still struggling to breathe under the crushing weight of my own expectations of myself. I need to get better to the point where no days are marked by "emotions from the quit" so that I can continue to pull myself back up and into a position where I can be somebody great, if only for myself and my family.
I do not mean to be self-pitying, but my state of mind has been much more erratic in the past 46 days. Most of you understand, I think. At any rate, I may frequently break the fourth wall in my scatterbrained journal musings, but make no mistake: these words are for me.
I just started the guitar last year. Kinda awful at it still, but I can play melody lines now and can hit the cowboy chords with precision. Barre chords still elude me and it can be quite frustrating some days because even a simple "G" chord won't hit right. I've been using the game Rocksmith as well as watching Youtubers like Marty Schwartz. Freaking love it.
How long have you played man? Any tips?
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I just started the guitar last year. Kinda awful at it still, but I can play melody lines now and can hit the cowboy chords with precision. Barre chords still elude me and it can be quite frustrating some days because even a simple "G" chord won't hit right. I've been using the game Rocksmith as well as watching Youtubers like Marty Schwartz. Freaking love it.
How long have you played man? Any tips?
YouTube is an awesome resource for literally anything you want to learn. I like Alan Robinson's style when it comes to tutoring. Check out his channel here. (https://www.youtube.com/user/guitartutorman)
I've been playing on an off since I was a teenager. I played for several years straight, and then quit for several years straight. Did that a few times. I guess I'm back to one of my "on" streaks.
If there were ever any piece of advice I could give, it would be to take lessons from somebody who understands sheet music AND music theory. I have never taken a lesson and never had someone help me understand music theory, and it shows in my playing. When you play songs without a real, solid understanding of what you're doing, it gets frustrating not being able to answer the question of "why" this chord progression works the way it does. Much like addicts need a support network to quit and stay quit, aspiring musicians need wisdom from the old guard.
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I just started the guitar last year. Kinda awful at it still, but I can play melody lines now and can hit the cowboy chords with precision. Barre chords still elude me and it can be quite frustrating some days because even a simple "G" chord won't hit right. I've been using the game Rocksmith as well as watching Youtubers like Marty Schwartz. Freaking love it.
How long have you played man? Any tips?
YouTube is an awesome resource for literally anything you want to learn. I like Alan Robinson's style when it comes to tutoring. Check out his channel here. (https://www.youtube.com/user/guitartutorman)
I've been playing on an off since I was a teenager. I played for several years straight, and then quit for several years straight. Did that a few times. I guess I'm back to one of my "on" streaks.
If there were ever any piece of advice I could give, it would be to take lessons from somebody who understands sheet music AND music theory. I have never taken a lesson and never had someone help me understand music theory, and it shows in my playing. Much like addicts need a support network to quit and stay quit, aspiring musicians need wisdom from the old guard.
Will do man.
I took lessons right off the bat but it was from an old hippie whose band "was scheduled to play Woodstock". Dude was a good guy but he would trail off while teaching and would take end up just kinda jamming in front of me while trying to explain music theory. The only thing he said that made sense was that you have to think of the fretboard almost as a rotating piano. Even though (on a piano) only one key makes a note, you could play a note with any string on the instrument. You wanted to play smarter (not harder) when it came to songs and riffs. Even though a string made the right note you might not be plucking the right string.
Quit's a lot like that man. You're healing and the 40s are quite rough. When I was in my 40s, I had to lock myself in my house in fear of failing one weekend. I watched horror movies for 3 days straight because my wife and kids were out of town and I couldn't chance going out because I just knew that if I did...
You're brand new here. You're coming in later on in your quit and just kinda getting a feel to this. You were playing the right note prior to coming here but you were working pretty hard to get to that note. Being here doesn't make you physically less crave. It doesn't make your problems go away. What this place does is fill that void you feel in your lip and in your life that is there since you quit. Think of the hours you spent hiding your use from people. Think of the hours you spent procuring the drug you've now quit. If you're anything like me, you spent your entire waking day with nicotine running through your system (and I think ya are). Good times began with dip. Bad times were made better with the weed. The KTC fills this void in a constructive way. We help each other. We hold each other accountable. We befriend each other and add a wall between "I'm craving" and "Damnit. I'm caving again.". I'm not asking you to pledge your soul to helping either. You promise to stay quit today and I'll stand with you. Sometimes, you may not like what I say. Sometimes you will. All I ask is that you make sure I'm doing my part as well.
I wish that you felt better, and you will. Healing isn't immediate. You will have bad times. You will have good times. Eventually, your mood won't be dictated by this quitting. You'll be you. It's hard to see the forest from the trees, but I got your back man. I 'll send you my number. I'm always available to text with and I'll drop what I'm doing to help you stay quit. I promise you. I do this because I know how hard it is to quit. I've been there. It may seem silly and petty, but this shit can suck the life out of you. One of the major things that you have to remember in this life is that there is one thing and one thing alone that you can control in this life: YOUR ACTIONS. You're a feather in the wind on everything else. If you make a mistake, don't let it beat you. Fucking learn from it. Evaluate the causes of your failure and don't make the same mistake twice.
You can do this man. I got your back.
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Think of the hours you spent procuring the drug you've now quit. If you're anything like me, you spent your entire waking day with nicotine running through your system (and I think ya are).
Boy, you said it. All day, every day. My wife didn't even know I used snus until we had been together for two years. She did, of course, know that I smoked. Once I quit smoking, I kept the snus and replaced the smoke with vape. I think back to all of the times I would kiss her with a ninja snus in my mouth, all of the hours I would spend at work simply buzzing away on nicotine, and all of the time at home sucking on that stupid vaporizer stick over and over and over until that fateful day I [presumably] overdosed.
What a bunch of crap. Nicotine played me for years and years. The worst part about it was that I knew it and I let it happen. No more.
Clearly I'm over the absolute worst of it. Now comes a different level of difficulty in maintaining this behavior while riding out what the storm has left to throw at me. Today I was doing fine, and then I decided to go lift. From the moment I did my first deadlift, I felt a headache coming on, and I worked through it. Bad idea. Nic-bitch's headaches are no joke. She's trying to do everything she can to get me back, including making it difficult to do the one activity I love the most.
Nic-bitch can die in a fire. She and I are done.
Day 46 done.
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Sam I don't envy you. I have been were you are. so lost on a sea of emotions I had never felt before. I did a goo job at keeping track of how I felt...until I started to feel better. This is going to scare you for a minute but take a deep breath and realize it is actually reassuring. It took a long fucking time. I kept expecting to feel better a month out. then i thought at 2 months id be better, then i thought shit it has been 6 months of hell on earth, why am I not better. then you go back a re read how bad it was in the beginning and realize i was getting better every day. Miserable slow pace but it was getting better. it took WAY longer than most did, and after a while i was living life again. I was enjoying my days instead of crossing them off as if on a prison wall. as soon as i accepted that i was not crazy, i was not going to die or have a heart attack no matter how nasty the panic attack ( and they were paralyzing at first) and started trying to live life again, it got easier. you have one option... put one foot in front of the other and push. just keep going. that feeling that you are down in a well looking up at a tiny light will go away with time. I took a full year off of posting in my intro because i was not even thinking about the misery anymore. if u read the last update, I just hit a really tough patch in life...shit happens, and panic attacks flared up again. this time I'm not trying to be a hero i went to the doc and started a low dose of meds ( mind u I'm a very anti med type of dude) this anxiety i am not blaming completely to the quit tho... might be, I'm not sure, but i know a lot is weighing on me and it is nothing like it was early on so don't freak out that I'm still a mess in my 620's. I'm not its been a tough month, and I'm already feeling a lot better. just a brief set back on the road.
things that helped me the most:
-my wife... she was and is an angel and was so good at reassuring me the whole way and helping me stay calm.
-calming piano music. (yiruma on youtube was the only way i could fall asleep) always had calming music loaded on my phone and pandora and left my computer playing youtube music all night long (truth be told i still do that its kinda nice)
-solitaire. playing solitaire on my phone and putting on calming music helped me outta some real bad panic attacks. when you feel one come on, find a bathroom, put the music on, fuck whoever else is in there, and play a few rounds of cards. it brings your mind somewhere else for a while.
-distraction of any sort... ur gunna feel like shit if ur on ur couch or if your cooking dinner. fire up that stove and make some fancy gordon ramsey shit for the missus ( i understand there is a budget but u can do crazy shit with ramen noodles and creativity :) }, organize your damn coat closet, learn origami, brake your all-time "whack off in a day" record, just stay busy.
- Rescue remedy. its an herbal flower potion witch doctor shit thats all natural. u can get it on amazon or at GNC or other health supplement store. put a few drops on your tongue and it is marketed as a natural stress and anxiety relief. it helped me. is it real or just placebo? i don't know and who gives a shit.... it helped me whatever way you look at it.
- and obviously, post roll every day, and get to know some people here. It WILL get better. you are not crazy, you will not feel this way forever. someone told me in my intro that this hell u are feeling will eventually just be bad, and then bad will be tolerable, and then tolerable will be good, and one day you are posting a message like this to a guy like the man you were 600 days ago. I was a complete shit show, take the guns to my parents type shit. never thought I would make it out of that. I promise you will, be patient and just know that you are not gunna die... its gunna take longer than u want it too... its gunna be worth it. ill pm my number over. call or text anytime, I'm a bartender and keep crazy hours.
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Sam I don't envy you. I have been were you are. so lost on a sea of emotions I had never felt before. I did a goo job at keeping track of how I felt...until I started to feel better. This is going to scare you for a minute but take a deep breath and realize it is actually reassuring. It took a long fucking time. I kept expecting to feel better a month out. then i thought at 2 months id be better, then i thought shit it has been 6 months of hell on earth, why am I not better. then you go back a re read how bad it was in the beginning and realize i was getting better every day. Miserable slow pace but it was getting better. it took WAY longer than most did, and after a while i was living life again. I was enjoying my days instead of crossing them off as if on a prison wall. as soon as i accepted that i was not crazy, i was not going to die or have a hard attack no matter how nasty the panic attack ( and they were paralyzing at first) and started trying to live life again, it got easier. you have one option... put one foot in front of the other and push. just keep going. that feeling that you are down in a well looking up at a tiny light will go away with time. I took a full year off of posting in my update because i was not even thinking about the misery anymore. if u read the last update, I just hit a really tough patch in life...shit happens, and panic attacks flared up again. this time I'm not trying to be a hero i went to the doc and started a low dose of meds ( mind u I'm a very anti med type of dude) this anxiety i am not related completely to the quit tho... might be, I'm not sure, but i know a lot is weighing on me and it is nothing like it was early on so don't freak out that I'm still a mess in my 620's. I'm not its been a tough month, and I'm already feeling a lot better. just a brief set back on the road.
things that helped me the most:
-my wife... she was and is an angel and was so good at reassuring me the whole way and helping me stay calm.
-calming piano music. (yiruma on youtube was the only way i could fall asleep) always had calming music loaded on my phone and pandora and left my computer playing youtube music all night long (truth be told i still do that its kinda nice)
-solitaire. playing solitaire on my phone and putting on calming music helped me outta some real bad panic attacks. when you feel one come on, find a bathroom, put the music on, fuck whoever else is in there, and play a few rounds of cards. its bring your mind somewhere else for a while.
-distraction of any sort... ur gunna feel like shit if ur on ur couch or if your cooking dinner. fire up that stove and make some fancy gordon ramsey shit for the missus ( i understand there is a budget but u can do crazy shit with ramen noodles and creativity :) }, organize your damn coat closet, learn origami, brake your all-time "whack off in a day" record, just stay busy.
- Rescue remedy. its an herbal flower potion witch doctor shit thats all natural. u can get it on amazon or at GNC or other health supplement store. put a few drops on your tongue and it is marketed as a natural stress and anxiety relief. it helped me. is it real or just placebo? i don't know and who gives a shit.... it helped me whatever way you look at it.
- and obviously, post roll every day, and get to know some people here. It WILL get better. you are not crazy, you will not feel this way forever. someone told me in my intro that this hell u are feeling will eventually just be bad, and then bad will be tolerable, and then tolerable will be good, and one day you are posting a message like this to a guy like the man you were 600 days ago. I was a complete shit show, take the guns to my parents type shit. never thought I would make it out of that. I promise you will, be patient and just know that you are not gunna die... its gunna take longer than u want it too... its gunna be worth it. ill pm my number over. call or text anytime, I'm a bartender and keep crazy hours.
This post and this support is what this place is all about. I was there in the beginning when BigBob was a fucking wreck and I am so happy for the place he is in now. You will be there too. Just fucking calm down, be patient, be positive, and stay involved here. This place is magic if you embrace it!.
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ya Rdad had a front row seat to that shit. Thanks a ton Jerry for all you did for me. Which brings up another powerful tool to fight anxiety that i meant to suggest. A wise man told me to download the free audiobook. believe it was called "freedom from nicotine:the journey home" it was a really good read, kept me busy for a few days, and has a ton of priceless pearls of wisdom to help you through this Sam.
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You guys are totally freaking awesome. I'm so glad that I found this place. I never really made use of any support groups until KTC so this has been a real eye-opener for me in terms of worldview. I'm humbled by all of you.
Day 47 update:
Today was a good day. I woke up around 6:30am, had breakfast in bed thanks to my spontaneous and lovely wife, posted roll soon after, and went to work. ZERO anxiety. ZERO depressive episodes. Zero anything except the general brain fog (visual difficulty, ever-present background headache, etc). The past three days have been a great run for me, but today was the first day that I had absolutely no anxious episodes early in the day. Wow. I am simply blown away by that. I'll never take a good day for granted again.
When I got off work, I was dog tired. I suspect that it's partially due to the reduced energy levels as a result of the quit, but also as a result of my go-go-go, no breaks mentality at work. After I left work, I was ready to pass out but I ate my pre-workout meal and hit the gym. That went well. Got a few Christmas presents for the family, picked up the kid, got home, ate dinner, helped the boy with a shower. Absolutely no issues.
I literally have the fingers on my left hand crossed as I type this part, but I'm starting to think it's safe to say I have turned a corner since I joined the KTC brotherhood, and I have you guys to thank for it.
When I OD'd on nic, I had no idea that's what I had done until much later. I was not planning or expecting to quit on October 24, 2015, but the stars aligned in such a way that I did, and I stuck with it. I was experiencing symptoms like I've only had when I suffered a traumatic brain injury when I was 12, so I go terribly worried and panicked and simply stopped everything abruptly. Nicotine, caffeine, lactose, gluten, supplements. I have since added the latter three back into my diet, but you see just how afraid for my health I was.
At this point, though, I can't help but think that perhaps it is that extreme anxiety which saved me after all. If I had never felt it when I OD'd, I'd have never quit.
I apologize for my lack of eloquence, but the scatterbrained symptom of the fog is definitely still there.
This day is at its end. Here's hoping the positive trend will continue without cycling back into the deep funk.
Day 47 done.
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You guys are totally freaking awesome. I'm so glad that I found this place. I never really made use of any support groups until KTC so this has been a real eye-opener for me in terms of worldview. I'm humbled by all of you.
Day 47 update:
Today was a good day. I woke up around 6:30am, had breakfast in bed thanks to my spontaneous and lovely wife, posted roll soon after, and went to work. ZERO anxiety. ZERO depressive episodes. Zero anything except the general brain fog (visual difficulty, ever-present background headache, etc). The past three days have been a great run for me, but today was the first day that I had absolutely no anxious episodes early in the day. Wow. I am simply blown away by that. I'll never take a good day for granted again.
When I got off work, I was dog tired. I suspect that it's partially due to the reduced energy levels as a result of the quit, but also as a result of my go-go-go, no breaks mentality at work. After I left work, I was ready to pass out but I ate my pre-workout meal and hit the gym. That went well. Got a few Christmas presents for the family, picked up the kid, got home, ate dinner, helped the boy with a shower. Absolutely no issues.
I literally have the fingers on my left hand crossed as I type this part, but I'm starting to think it's safe to say I have turned a corner since I joined the KTC brotherhood, and I have you guys to thank for it.
When I OD'd on nic, I had no idea that's what I had done until much later. I was not planning or expecting to quit on October 24, 2015, but the stars aligned in such a way that I did, and I stuck with it. I was experiencing symptoms like I've only had when I suffered a traumatic brain injury when I was 12, so I go terribly worried and panicked and simply stopped everything abruptly. Nicotine, caffeine, lactose, gluten, supplements. I have since added the latter three back into my diet, but you see just how afraid for my health I was.
At this point, though, I can't help but think that perhaps it is that extreme anxiety which saved me after all. If I had never felt it when I OD'd, I'd have never quit.
I apologize for my lack of eloquence, but the scatterbrained symptom of the fog is definitely still there.
This day is at its end. Here's hoping the positive trend will continue without cycling back into the deep funk.
Day 47 done.
Keep it up man. Help when you can. Accept.it when you need it. That's what we do. One day at a time.
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You guys are totally freaking awesome. I'm so glad that I found this place. I never really made use of any support groups until KTC so this has been a real eye-opener for me in terms of worldview. I'm humbled by all of you.
Day 47 update:
Today was a good day. I woke up around 6:30am, had breakfast in bed thanks to my spontaneous and lovely wife, posted roll soon after, and went to work. ZERO anxiety. ZERO depressive episodes. Zero anything except the general brain fog (visual difficulty, ever-present background headache, etc). The past three days have been a great run for me, but today was the first day that I had absolutely no anxious episodes early in the day. Wow. I am simply blown away by that. I'll never take a good day for granted again.
When I got off work, I was dog tired. I suspect that it's partially due to the reduced energy levels as a result of the quit, but also as a result of my go-go-go, no breaks mentality at work. After I left work, I was ready to pass out but I ate my pre-workout meal and hit the gym. That went well. Got a few Christmas presents for the family, picked up the kid, got home, ate dinner, helped the boy with a shower. Absolutely no issues.
I literally have the fingers on my left hand crossed as I type this part, but I'm starting to think it's safe to say I have turned a corner since I joined the KTC brotherhood, and I have you guys to thank for it.
When I OD'd on nic, I had no idea that's what I had done until much later. I was not planning or expecting to quit on October 24, 2015, but the stars aligned in such a way that I did, and I stuck with it. I was experiencing symptoms like I've only had when I suffered a traumatic brain injury when I was 12, so I go terribly worried and panicked and simply stopped everything abruptly. Nicotine, caffeine, lactose, gluten, supplements. I have since added the latter three back into my diet, but you see just how afraid for my health I was.
At this point, though, I can't help but think that perhaps it is that extreme anxiety which saved me after all. If I had never felt it when I OD'd, I'd have never quit.
I apologize for my lack of eloquence, but the scatterbrained symptom of the fog is definitely still there.
This day is at its end. Here's hoping the positive trend will continue without cycling back into the deep funk.
Day 47 done.
Keep it up man. Help when you can. Accept.it when you need it. That's what we do. One day at a time.
What WP says. You will have good and bad days but as you keep stacking up the+1's the good days will far outnumber the bad. Glad you had a good day. You are healing bro.
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there you go brother! keep kicking ass. one day at a time. you have more bad days ahead but they will be less and less frequent. stay positive and keep trucking.
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Love seeing the progress here Samuel. Read this thread from the beginning again and remember where you were.
I quit with you today!
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You guys are totally freaking awesome. I'm so glad that I found this place. I never really made use of any support groups until KTC so this has been a real eye-opener for me in terms of worldview. I'm humbled by all of you.
Day 47 update:
Today was a good day. I woke up around 6:30am, had breakfast in bed thanks to my spontaneous and lovely wife, posted roll soon after, and went to work. ZERO anxiety. ZERO depressive episodes. Zero anything except the general brain fog (visual difficulty, ever-present background headache, etc). The past three days have been a great run for me, but today was the first day that I had absolutely no anxious episodes early in the day. Wow. I am simply blown away by that. I'll never take a good day for granted again.
When I got off work, I was dog tired. I suspect that it's partially due to the reduced energy levels as a result of the quit, but also as a result of my go-go-go, no breaks mentality at work. After I left work, I was ready to pass out but I ate my pre-workout meal and hit the gym. That went well. Got a few Christmas presents for the family, picked up the kid, got home, ate dinner, helped the boy with a shower. Absolutely no issues.
I literally have the fingers on my left hand crossed as I type this part, but I'm starting to think it's safe to say I have turned a corner since I joined the KTC brotherhood, and I have you guys to thank for it.
When I OD'd on nic, I had no idea that's what I had done until much later. I was not planning or expecting to quit on October 24, 2015, but the stars aligned in such a way that I did, and I stuck with it. I was experiencing symptoms like I've only had when I suffered a traumatic brain injury when I was 12, so I go terribly worried and panicked and simply stopped everything abruptly. Nicotine, caffeine, lactose, gluten, supplements. I have since added the latter three back into my diet, but you see just how afraid for my health I was.
At this point, though, I can't help but think that perhaps it is that extreme anxiety which saved me after all. If I had never felt it when I OD'd, I'd have never quit.
I apologize for my lack of eloquence, but the scatterbrained symptom of the fog is definitely still there.
This day is at its end. Here's hoping the positive trend will continue without cycling back into the deep funk.
Day 47 done.
The fog....
We all have different experiences with this. I've read lots on here about how nicotine suppresses oxygen levels in the blood. A train wreck of a doctors visit triggered my own quit, and low oxygen was among the bad results of that visit. 3 weeks later at a follow up, that reading was normal. So there must be something to it.
Some folks have the fog for a day, a week, a month. Mine lasted a long time dude. I think around 2 months. When it lifted, I got angry. Angry that an addiction pretty much wiped out 2 months of my life. To be honest, I don't recall a thing about Christmas or New Years that year. Not a thing. But info remember one day thinking... Man, I just feel better today. Weird. And then clarity started returning.
That isn't to say that there weren't bumps along the way after that, but there was a turning point. I pray that you are there my friend. Keep pushing forward each day is a win for you now, after many years of losing
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You've been quiet... How's it going?
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Day 67
I have been depressed for such a long time now that I can't even be sure I'll ever be normal again. The past few days have been simply horrible. I even had a complete meltdown on Christmas day. We managed to salvage the afternoon-evening portion of Christmas, but the morning was a total disaster. The wife and I got into a huge argument, which was completely my fault. We resolved that issue the same day but it was simply terrible while it was happening.
Had several sobbing fits since then. Had lots of "blah" days where it feels like I'm just coasting through a life that offers either only suffering, or simply the absence of pleasure. I'm finding it really hard to take this shit.
My brain still feels "foggy," I guess is the word. Almost as if there's a constant buzzing going on in my head, or perhaps as if my brain is wrapped in cotton. I don't know. All I can say is that some days I simply don't "feel right." In one of my previous posts I said I felt like I had turned a corner, but now I'm starting to think that assessment might have been preemptive.
I miss being able to enjoy life. Some days are better than others, yeah, but I've still got a very long way to go. I need to learn how to better control myself when I get angry, sad, or whatever. This is proving to be very difficult.
Pray for me, gentlemen, because it is clear that I am still suffering. I've been trying not to come onto KTC and talk like this for fear of making an ass of myself, but I really had to vent my frustration somehow that didn't involve sobbing into a pillow.
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Day 67
I have been depressed for such a long time now that I can't even be sure I'll ever be normal again. The past few days have been simply horrible. I even had a complete meltdown on Christmas day. We managed to salvage the afternoon-evening portion of Christmas, but the morning was a total disaster. The wife and I got into a huge argument, which was completely my fault. We resolved that issue the same day but it was simply terrible while it was happening.
Had several sobbing fits since then. Had lots of "blah" days where it feels like I'm just coasting through a life that offers either only suffering, or simply the absence of pleasure. I'm finding it really hard to take this shit.
My brain still feels "foggy," I guess is the word. Almost as if there's a constant buzzing going on in my head, or perhaps as if my brain is wrapped in cotton. I don't know. All I can say is that some days I simply don't "feel right." In one of my previous posts I said I felt like I had turned a corner, but now I'm starting to think that assessment might have been preemptive.
I miss being able to enjoy life. Some days are better than others, yeah, but I've still got a very long way to go. I need to learn how to better control myself when I get angry, sad, or whatever. This is proving to be very difficult.
Pray for me, gentlemen, because it is clear that I am still suffering. I've been trying not to come onto KTC and talk like this for fear of making an ass of myself, but I really had to vent my frustration somehow that didn't involve sobbing into a pillow.
Samuel
Each of us finds one part or another the worst. Like we talked about yesterday, the emotional toll you are feeling was identical to me and at the same time. At day 74 it was like a light switch..no anxiety, feeling pleasure and pain again, etc. Please fight through this, its too important. I highly recommend contacting your Dr. there is no shame in a bit of medication to get this part pushed through.
Stay in touch man!
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Day 67
I have been depressed for such a long time now that I can't even be sure I'll ever be normal again. The past few days have been simply horrible. I even had a complete meltdown on Christmas day. We managed to salvage the afternoon-evening portion of Christmas, but the morning was a total disaster. The wife and I got into a huge argument, which was completely my fault. We resolved that issue the same day but it was simply terrible while it was happening.
Had several sobbing fits since then. Had lots of "blah" days where it feels like I'm just coasting through a life that offers either only suffering, or simply the absence of pleasure. I'm finding it really hard to take this shit.
My brain still feels "foggy," I guess is the word. Almost as if there's a constant buzzing going on in my head, or perhaps as if my brain is wrapped in cotton. I don't know. All I can say is that some days I simply don't "feel right." In one of my previous posts I said I felt like I had turned a corner, but now I'm starting to think that assessment might have been preemptive.
I miss being able to enjoy life. Some days are better than others, yeah, but I've still got a very long way to go. I need to learn how to better control myself when I get angry, sad, or whatever. This is proving to be very difficult.
Pray for me, gentlemen, because it is clear that I am still suffering. I've been trying not to come onto KTC and talk like this for fear of making an ass of myself, but I really had to vent my frustration somehow that didn't involve sobbing into a pillow.
Samuel
Each of us finds one part or another the worst. Like we talked about yesterday, the emotional toll you are feeling was identical to me and at the same time. At day 74 it was like a light switch..no anxiety, feeling pleasure and pain again, etc. Please fight through this, its too important. I highly recommend contacting your Dr. there is no shame in a bit of medication to get this part pushed through.
Stay in touch man!
Sam, look my friend I just wanna say what you're going through has nothing to do with quitting nicotine but I will say your mind is trying to convince you that if you start dipping again everything will be fine. Well guess what that's bullshit! Don't argue with your family, man up and walk away ,bring your ass in here someone will listen to you and probably be happy to vent back! Always remember there's always someone out there that's a lot worse off than yourself. Pm me for my number if you want! Most of all stay quit!
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I just wanna say what you're going through has nothing to do with quitting nicotine
C'mon, man, don't tell me that...
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Sam, hang in there! I assure you that this is part of the recovery process. I read this from the Mayo Clinic, which is a world renown hospital and thought it could help ease your mind... Obviously they are talking about smoking but none the less, its still nicotine.
"The good news is that once you stop smoking entirely, the number of nicotine receptors in your brain will eventually return to normal. As that happens, the craving response will occur less often, won't last as long or be as intense and, in time, will fade away completely.
Because of its effects on your brain, nicotine can be powerfully addictive. For many people, overcoming nicotine addiction and successfully dealing with its withdrawal symptoms requires medical treatment. Medications are available that can help reduce withdrawal symptoms, while support and guidance from a tobacco dependence treatment program can help you learn how to change your behavior in ways that increase your chances of staying smoke-free..."
Two things I would like to point out... First notice how they say "in time," these feelings will fade away COMPLETELY. You aren't even 3 months into this thing. In the grand scheme of things, that's no time at all.
Secondly, they mention that some withdrawal symptoms may require medical treatment. This isn't a bad thing. This may be all you need to get you over the hump... A lot of people have used medicine as a temporary crutch to help them get over their symptoms. Keep in mind, there are a lot of medical professionals out there that can and will help you to feeling better. Don't be scared of this.
I remember from reading your intro the other day that you were using many different forms of nicotine for numerous years. If medicine will help you get over this nervous feeling, why not try it? It definitely wont hurt your body as much as nicotine did...
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I just wanna say what you're going through has nothing to do with quitting nicotine
C'mon, man, don't tell me that...
Sorry Sam didn't mean it like it sounded, of course part of of what you're going through is withdrawals. I was just trying to explain how ole Nicky trys to convince us to start back and everything will be fine. Everything you speak of we've pretty much all been through. Hang in there you got this and you're definitely not alone. Again my apologies, I was writing that at work when I was supposed to be working, just reread what I wrote understand where you're coming from.
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Day 67
I have been depressed for such a long time now that I can't even be sure I'll ever be normal again. The past few days have been simply horrible. I even had a complete meltdown on Christmas day. We managed to salvage the afternoon-evening portion of Christmas, but the morning was a total disaster. The wife and I got into a huge argument, which was completely my fault. We resolved that issue the same day but it was simply terrible while it was happening.
Had several sobbing fits since then. Had lots of "blah" days where it feels like I'm just coasting through a life that offers either only suffering, or simply the absence of pleasure. I'm finding it really hard to take this shit.
My brain still feels "foggy," I guess is the word. Almost as if there's a constant buzzing going on in my head, or perhaps as if my brain is wrapped in cotton. I don't know. All I can say is that some days I simply don't "feel right." In one of my previous posts I said I felt like I had turned a corner, but now I'm starting to think that assessment might have been preemptive.
I miss being able to enjoy life. Some days are better than others, yeah, but I've still got a very long way to go. I need to learn how to better control myself when I get angry, sad, or whatever. This is proving to be very difficult.
Pray for me, gentlemen, because it is clear that I am still suffering. I've been trying not to come onto KTC and talk like this for fear of making an ass of myself, but I really had to vent my frustration somehow that didn't involve sobbing into a pillow.
Sam
You have reached that ~75day funk a little bit early. This was probably the worst time in my quit other than the first few days. I didn't care about anything or anybody, I was tired, cranky, a complete foggy mess, hated everyone on this site and I was tired of fondling my packs of gum and bags of seeds like they were a can. The fact of the matter is you working very hard at quitting. So hard that you have completely exhausted yourself and your patience with pretty much everything is wearing thin. In a word....it sucks.
I can't say when this will end for you, I can only promise that it will. It passes quickly for some and not so much for others. Me...probably 10 days or so. I felt pretty damned good when I came out on the other side too. It just takes sometime my friend.
You can do this. You will do this. It will get better....I promise.
Hang in there brother.
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Day 67
I have been depressed for such a long time now that I can't even be sure I'll ever be normal again. The past few days have been simply horrible. I even had a complete meltdown on Christmas day. We managed to salvage the afternoon-evening portion of Christmas, but the morning was a total disaster. The wife and I got into a huge argument, which was completely my fault. We resolved that issue the same day but it was simply terrible while it was happening.
Had several sobbing fits since then. Had lots of "blah" days where it feels like I'm just coasting through a life that offers either only suffering, or simply the absence of pleasure. I'm finding it really hard to take this shit.
My brain still feels "foggy," I guess is the word. Almost as if there's a constant buzzing going on in my head, or perhaps as if my brain is wrapped in cotton. I don't know. All I can say is that some days I simply don't "feel right." In one of my previous posts I said I felt like I had turned a corner, but now I'm starting to think that assessment might have been preemptive.
I miss being able to enjoy life. Some days are better than others, yeah, but I've still got a very long way to go. I need to learn how to better control myself when I get angry, sad, or whatever. This is proving to be very difficult.
Pray for me, gentlemen, because it is clear that I am still suffering. I've been trying not to come onto KTC and talk like this for fear of making an ass of myself, but I really had to vent my frustration somehow that didn't involve sobbing into a pillow.
Sam
You have reached that ~75day funk a little bit early. This was probably the worst time in my quit other than the first few days. I didn't care about anything or anybody, I was tired, cranky, a complete foggy mess, hated everyone on this site and I was tired of fondling my packs of gum and bags of seeds like they were a can. The fact of the matter is you working very hard at quitting. So hard that you have completely exhausted yourself and your patience with pretty much everything is wearing thin. In a word....it sucks.
I can't say when this will end for you, I can only promise that it will. It passes quickly for some and not so much for others. Me...probably 10 days or so. I felt pretty damned good when I came out on the other side too. It just takes sometime my friend.
You can do this. You will do this. It will get better....I promise.
Hang in there brother.
You've had some great responses so far...
Dude, I quit on Christmas Eve of 2012. I don't remember a thing about Christmas, or New Years. About 4 days after New Years I fell into a depression that I've never imagined. Deep and profound. Like rolled up in a ball crying depressed. I logged on here and joined, and for about the next 100 days I survived. I read a lot, but much like you I didn't post much. I just read and thought... this cannot last. It can't. I can't live like this. But I did. And when it passed, as everyone promised it would, I got fucking FURIOUS with nicotine, and with myself. Because we made the decision to accept it into our lives, and we have to pay the price to break that relationship.
Like you, I didn't want to take drugs. I think they would have helped, but I wanted to remember every moment that I could of the fog, the loss, the depression, the missed memories... and I do. It is why I refuse to miss posting each and every day. Because for that moment I remember when I was in your shoes.
It will not last. I'm praying for you my friend. It isn't fair, but it is a toll you must pay to reach the destination of freedom. Hope, trust me, is not lost. If this continues beyond what you can bear, please reach out to a physician. But remember these moments of despair... because it will make the freedom just that much sweeter.
YOU CAN DO THIS. If you'd like my number just let me know.
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Day 67
I have been depressed for such a long time now that I can't even be sure I'll ever be normal again. The past few days have been simply horrible. I even had a complete meltdown on Christmas day. We managed to salvage the afternoon-evening portion of Christmas, but the morning was a total disaster. The wife and I got into a huge argument, which was completely my fault. We resolved that issue the same day but it was simply terrible while it was happening.
Had several sobbing fits since then. Had lots of "blah" days where it feels like I'm just coasting through a life that offers either only suffering, or simply the absence of pleasure. I'm finding it really hard to take this shit.
My brain still feels "foggy," I guess is the word. Almost as if there's a constant buzzing going on in my head, or perhaps as if my brain is wrapped in cotton. I don't know. All I can say is that some days I simply don't "feel right." In one of my previous posts I said I felt like I had turned a corner, but now I'm starting to think that assessment might have been preemptive.
I miss being able to enjoy life. Some days are better than others, yeah, but I've still got a very long way to go. I need to learn how to better control myself when I get angry, sad, or whatever. This is proving to be very difficult.
Pray for me, gentlemen, because it is clear that I am still suffering. I've been trying not to come onto KTC and talk like this for fear of making an ass of myself, but I really had to vent my frustration somehow that didn't involve sobbing into a pillow.
Sam
You have reached that ~75day funk a little bit early. This was probably the worst time in my quit other than the first few days. I didn't care about anything or anybody, I was tired, cranky, a complete foggy mess, hated everyone on this site and I was tired of fondling my packs of gum and bags of seeds like they were a can. The fact of the matter is you working very hard at quitting. So hard that you have completely exhausted yourself and your patience with pretty much everything is wearing thin. In a word....it sucks.
I can't say when this will end for you, I can only promise that it will. It passes quickly for some and not so much for others. Me...probably 10 days or so. I felt pretty damned good when I came out on the other side too. It just takes sometime my friend.
You can do this. You will do this. It will get better....I promise.
Hang in there brother.
You've had some great responses so far...
Dude, I quit on Christmas Eve of 2012. I don't remember a thing about Christmas, or New Years. About 4 days after New Years I fell into a depression that I've never imagined. Deep and profound. Like rolled up in a ball crying depressed. I logged on here and joined, and for about the next 100 days I survived. I read a lot, but much like you I didn't post much. I just read and thought... this cannot last. It can't. I can't live like this. But I did. And when it passed, as everyone promised it would, I got fucking FURIOUS with nicotine, and with myself. Because we made the decision to accept it into our lives, and we have to pay the price to break that relationship.
Like you, I didn't want to take drugs. I think they would have helped, but I wanted to remember every moment that I could of the fog, the loss, the depression, the missed memories... and I do. It is why I refuse to miss posting each and every day. Because for that moment I remember when I was in your shoes.
It will not last. I'm praying for you my friend. It isn't fair, but it is a toll you must pay to reach the destination of freedom. Hope, trust me, is not lost. If this continues beyond what you can bear, please reach out to a physician. But remember these moments of despair... because it will make the freedom just that much sweeter.
YOU CAN DO THIS. If you'd like my number just let me know.
Hey brother, I can't add much to all the great support you are getting. But I would add that you need to look on the bright side of what you are doing. You are successfully beating one of the most addictive drugs on the planet cold fucking turkey. Be happy, he proud, be positive, be kind to your family. I promise you this won't last forever. Don't you dare give up! There's alot of good quitters here rooting for you.
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I'm not sure how many times I can stress how great you guys are without sounding like an idiot, but you really the best collection of gentlemen I have come across in a very long time. Thank you all for the kind words and reassurance. I don't know why my quit is affecting me so profoundly and giving me such extreme highs and lows, but it's good to know that at least you guys understand where I'm coming from and are willing to lend an ear. That means a lot. Since joining KTC, I have from time to time heard mention of a day 70-80 funk that felt like the early days, but I could never figure for the life of me how that could be possible. Part of me thought it was nonsense. That part of me is gone. Ha! It bamboozles me that we as humans can have all of the forewarning in the world and still be shocked when the very thing happens which we were warned of.
Much like addiction.
Today was a good day, go figure. No lows; just above baseline and totally "in the zone." Had a killer session at the gym after work, to boot. Having to sacrifice days and weeks at the gym through all of this has been difficult and it's going to be nice to finally get back to my 5-days-a-week lifting schedule with my wife (STIMULANT FREE). I think this quit has been compounded by the fact that I used to take pre-workout supplements every day, whether or not I even needed them. Even on my off-days from the gym, I would find myself feeling shitty and lethargic, so I would take a small amount of preworkout just to get myself moving and out of the house. Funny how I never even put the pieces together on that one until all of this went down and I quit everything outright. For being such a smart guy, I can be a real dumbass.
I guess my biggest take from all of this is that stimulants in general are bad juju. They make you feel great while you're on them, but ohhhh, baby, beware the crash.
No, I shall never return to nicotine. Of this much, I'm sure. I let it wreck my body and mind and make me its slave for long enough. Caffeine, maybe. MAYBE. I still fear its power far too much to simply let it back into my life right now since I know it had a lot of control over me too.
For now, I'm really enjoying having the best sleep I've ever had in my life. Which reminds me: as far back as I can remember, I have always had trouble getting to bed on time and waking up in the morning. Since I quit all manner of stims: I'm in bed before midnight, I fall asleep quickly, I'm up and at 'em with my alarms, and the snooze button apparently seems a thing of the past. Sleeping well is VITAL to building muscle, so I think I'll ride this train a while.
So yeah, I'm trying to count my blessings in this tough time. One day it's all gonna add up.
Thank you all for understanding and continuing reach out.
Day 68 done.
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I'm not sure how many times I can stress how great you guys are without sounding like an idiot, but you really the best collection of gentlemen I have come across in a very long time. Thank you all for the kind words and reassurance. I don't know why my quit is affecting me so profoundly and giving me such extreme highs and lows, but it's good to know that at least you guys understand where I'm coming from and are willing to lend an ear. That means a lot. Since joining KTC, I have from time to time heard mention of a day 70-80 funk that felt like the early days, but I could never figure for the life of me how that could be possible. Part of me thought it was nonsense. That part of me is gone. Ha! It bamboozles me that we as humans can have all of the forewarning in the world and still be shocked when the very thing happens which we were warned of.
Much like addiction.
Today was a good day, go figure. No lows; just above baseline and totally "in the zone." Had a killer session at the gym after work, to boot. Having to sacrifice days and weeks at the gym through all of this has been difficult and it's going to be nice to finally get back to my 5-days-a-week lifting schedule with my wife (STIMULANT FREE). I think this quit has been compounded by the fact that I used to take pre-workout supplements every day, whether or not I even needed them. Even on my off-days from the gym, I would find myself feeling shitty and lethargic, so I would take a small amount of preworkout just to get myself moving and out of the house. Funny how I never even put the pieces together on that one until all of this went down and I quit everything outright. For being such a smart guy, I can be a real dumbass.
I guess my biggest take from all of this is that stimulants in general are bad juju. They make you feel great while you're on them, but ohhhh, baby, beware the crash.
No, I shall never return to nicotine. Of this much, I'm sure. I let it wreck my body and mind and make me its slave for long enough. Caffeine, maybe. MAYBE. I still fear its power far too much to simply let it back into my life right now since I know it had a lot of control over me too.
For now, I'm really enjoying having the best sleep I've ever had in my life. Which reminds me: as far back as I can remember, I have always had trouble getting to bed on time and waking up in the morning. Since I quit all manner of stims: I'm in bed before midnight, I fall asleep quickly, I'm up and at 'em with my alarms, and the snooze button apparently seems a thing of the past. Sleeping well is VITAL to building muscle, so I think I'll ride this train a while.
So yeah, I'm trying to count my blessings in this tough time. One day it's all gonna add up.
Thank you all for understanding and continuing reach out.
Day 68 done.
Glad to see this today.
You are quitting nicotine and caffeine at the same time? Wow. You are bad ass.
Honored to quit with you today.
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I'm not sure how many times I can stress how great you guys are without sounding like an idiot, but you really the best collection of gentlemen I have come across in a very long time. Thank you all for the kind words and reassurance. I don't know why my quit is affecting me so profoundly and giving me such extreme highs and lows, but it's good to know that at least you guys understand where I'm coming from and are willing to lend an ear. That means a lot. Since joining KTC, I have from time to time heard mention of a day 70-80 funk that felt like the early days, but I could never figure for the life of me how that could be possible. Part of me thought it was nonsense. That part of me is gone. Ha! It bamboozles me that we as humans can have all of the forewarning in the world and still be shocked when the very thing happens which we were warned of.
Much like addiction.
Today was a good day, go figure. No lows; just above baseline and totally "in the zone." Had a killer session at the gym after work, to boot. Having to sacrifice days and weeks at the gym through all of this has been difficult and it's going to be nice to finally get back to my 5-days-a-week lifting schedule with my wife (STIMULANT FREE). I think this quit has been compounded by the fact that I used to take pre-workout supplements every day, whether or not I even needed them. Even on my off-days from the gym, I would find myself feeling shitty and lethargic, so I would take a small amount of preworkout just to get myself moving and out of the house. Funny how I never even put the pieces together on that one until all of this went down and I quit everything outright. For being such a smart guy, I can be a real dumbass.
I guess my biggest take from all of this is that stimulants in general are bad juju. They make you feel great while you're on them, but ohhhh, baby, beware the crash.
No, I shall never return to nicotine. Of this much, I'm sure. I let it wreck my body and mind and make me its slave for long enough. Caffeine, maybe. MAYBE. I still fear its power far too much to simply let it back into my life right now since I know it had a lot of control over me too.
For now, I'm really enjoying having the best sleep I've ever had in my life. Which reminds me: as far back as I can remember, I have always had trouble getting to bed on time and waking up in the morning. Since I quit all manner of stims: I'm in bed before midnight, I fall asleep quickly, I'm up and at 'em with my alarms, and the snooze button apparently seems a thing of the past. Sleeping well is VITAL to building muscle, so I think I'll ride this train a while.
So yeah, I'm trying to count my blessings in this tough time. One day it's all gonna add up.
Thank you all for understanding and continuing reach out.
Day 68 done.
Glad to see this today.
You are quitting nicotine and caffeine at the same time? Wow. You are bad ass.
Honored to quit with you today.
Listen to this badass^^^^^ he has helped me so much! You got a bunch of great quitters on your side, use them and Quit on! Damn proud to be quit with you!
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I haven't been quite that bad, but I'm pretty sure I'm almost there. I am such a fucking mess mentally. I'm a network engineer, so it's a really bad thing, I need to be able to think. The things that go through my mind. What actually causes your panic attacks? Mine is always something to do with the thought of not being with my son. Or getting sick and having chemo and whatnot. Today has been a day like that. It's day 32 for me, my cheek got sore yesterday and of course I'm dwelling on the absolute worst. I've never dealt with panic or stress before, but the past few weeks I basically go days literally without eating due to worry...
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I haven't been quite that bad, but I'm pretty sure I'm almost there. I am such a fucking mess mentally. I'm a network engineer, so it's a really bad thing, I need to be able to think. The things that go through my mind. What actually causes your panic attacks? Mine is always something to do with the thought of not being with my son. Or getting sick and having chemo and whatnot. Today has been a day like that. It's day 32 for me, my cheek got sore yesterday and of course I'm dwelling on the absolute worst. I've never dealt with panic or stress before, but the past few weeks I basically go days literally without eating due to worry...
Rokbanned,
Sorry I didn't get to you sooner, man.
You asked what caused my panic, but I still can't really say what caused any of it. At times, the fuzzy, foggy feeling in my brain would trigger me to feel anxious about my health, as if there were something wrong with me neurologically. Same for when I would shift my eyes and my brain would have trouble interpreting what I was looking at for a moment. I would interpret this feeling as dizziness, and it would make me nervous. Why was I dizzy? Why did my brain feel fuzzy?
So the health anxiety was a part of it, but then there were other times when I couldn't figure out what was causing it. Most days, my eyes would simply pop open in the morning and my heart would instantly start racing as adrenaline shot through my veins. Imagine you wake up in the middle of the night to the sounds of someone breaking into your home. You would immediately go into "fight or flight" mode. That's what I would feel from the moment I woke up, sometimes right up until the moment I went back to sleep that night. It was fucking exhausting, man. I would be so tired and would WANT to go to bed as soon as it got dark (5:30pm or so) but I would have to force myself to stay awake and live through the misery for a few more hours and go to bed at a reasonable time, only to wake up to the same shit in the morning.
And then the crying fits would come. Sometimes 3 or more a day, each lasting for at least half an hour. You know how a child can cry so hard he literally can't breathe? That was me, almost daily.
I came to KTC on day 41 of my quit. Even up to day 60 or so, most of my days were spent walking. When I would wake up, I would first panic. Then I would get up, force myself to eat, even if it was only a banana, and then I'd get my ass out the front door, grab my walking stick, and go for a walk. Some days I wouldn't come back home until dark because if I did, I would panic. I got to the point where I was convinced that being at home is what was making me so anxious. Walking was what kept me sane, if only for the time I was out doing it.
So, Rok, with all of that being said, I completely understand what you mean when you say you sometimes can't eat because you're so worried. Try this, though: eat lots of fruit. Bananas and oranges were godsend to me. There was something about the fruit sugars that sort of helped level me off, even if it was only a bit. I became fully convinced that fruits were my panacea, and even now that I'm not panicking anymore, I've made it my daily habit to make sure I eat plenty of fruits because of the close relationship I developed with them during the worst of this.
Also: I don't know what your habits are like with supplementation, but look into trying a straight up MAGNESIUM supplement. Most people, even those who take a multivitamin, are magnesium deficient, and magnesium deficiency can cause anxiety, restlessness, depression, etc. In our case, it's the quit causing it, but a magnesium deficiency doesn't help. I use a powdered form that I mix with a cup of hot water every night before bed and it has been a real life-changer. There was a noticeable difference in the intensity of my symptoms when I combined daily fruits with my nightly magnesium. It didn't "cure" me by any stretch, but it certainly helped. Surely you understand that any help is good at this stage of the game. The specific product I use is made by Natural Vitality and it's called "Calm." I like the lemon flavor.
I hope that some of this rambling post will strike a chord with you, Rok, and you'll be able to come away with something helpful to try. Just know that this shit has its major ups and downs, but there will come a time when you realize that there is an end to the suffering, and all you have to do is keep on breathing and stay quit until that day comes. I'm feeling much more confident these days. You'll get here too, my brother.
Day 73 done.
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I posted this in the DOG house but I also want to keep these particular posts as a part of my journal for myself:
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Funny thing for me is that for all the times I tried to quit, on the one quit that actually stuck, I never even planned it or thought about it until after I had already done it.ÂÂ
Perhaps that's why I had the depression and anxiety so bad as I did; I wasn't prepared for the fog and the intensity of the recovery symptoms. Didn't have a clue what to expect, and I thought there was something genuinely wrong with me medically.ÂÂ
Even now I'm still spooked about the slightest health concern because of the trauma of my first 40 days before joining KTC.ÂÂ
This place isn't necessarily responsible for my quit but I will say the people here are directly responsible for giving me the assurance I needed to calm down and let it ride. There were times I thought my heart was going to explode or that I was gonna never be normal again. You guys got me through that with my sanity intact.ÂÂ
Thank you - especially to those of you who took the time to read and post through my intro when I needed help the most.
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I hate to say that I quit by accident, but it's kind of the truth. I've always replaced one vice with another and called myself a quitter, but I always knew it was a lie, even during the two years I did nothing but chew nicotine gum.ÂÂ
This time, I made no plan and gave it no forethought. A perfect storm hit me at just the right time in my life, and by the time I realized that I was a few days into withdrawal, I told myself "raise the sails! This is it!"ÂÂ
And ever since then, I have let that wind carry me.ÂÂ
I am so blessed. God has been good to me. He gave me a real chance to free myself and I am simply grateful to have been able to see it and summon the strength to seize that moment.ÂÂ
Day 81 done.
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I hate to say that I quit by accident, but it's kind of the truth. I've always replaced one vice with another and called myself a quitter, but I always knew it was a lie, even during the two years I did nothing but chew nicotine gum.ÂÂ
This time, I made no plan and gave it no forethought. A perfect storm hit me at just the right time in my life, and by the time I realized that I was a few days into withdrawal, I told myself "raise the sails! This is it!"ÂÂ
And ever since then, I have let that wind carry me.ÂÂ
I am so blessed. God has been good to me. He gave me a real chance to free myself and I am simply grateful to have been able to see it and summon the strength to seize that moment.ÂÂ
Day 81 done.
Samuel my friend, the best thing out of this, is you listened and trusted a bunch of people you never met and didn't know. It takes big gonads to do that especially when anxiety is eating away at your sanity! For that I say thank you. Stay quit my friend! And remember you're never alone as long as that names on roll.
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I just woke up just now 11:56pm in a sweat panic attack and had to come here for some reading to get my mind off of everything. I am so glad that the first thread I opened was yours. I'm at day 24 with my quit and I am practically a mirror image of everything your going through with the withdrawal symptoms. Myself quitting 3 or more energy drinks a day and nic at the same time, a health anxiety from finding out I'm not in control of my body, depression, anxiety, constant crying in my wife's arms.
Like you I want to face this head on without any interference from meds, but I haven't been able too. I do use some meds to help only at night while I'm sleeping just to get some sleep. During they day it's full on life for my brain and it's so hard as you know.
I just want you to know you are an inspiration to me, a leader with so much confidence and drive to keep you going the way you have. I thank you for being the strong person you are and sticking with your quit. You have reassured me that things will get better with what I'm feeling and you know what that means to me.
Thank You and I will be reaching out to you for suggestions on how to tone down my anxiety/depression feeling.
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I just woke up just now 11:56pm in a sweat panic attack and had to come here for some reading to get my mind off of everything. I am so glad that the first thread I opened was yours. I'm at day 24 with my quit and I am practically a mirror image of everything your going through with the withdrawal symptoms. Myself quitting 3 or more energy drinks a day and nic at the same time, a health anxiety from finding out I'm not in control of my body, depression, anxiety, constant crying in my wife's arms.
Like you I want to face this head on without any interference from meds, but I haven't been able too. I do use some meds to help only at night while I'm sleeping just to get some sleep. During they day it's full on life for my brain and it's so hard as you know.
I just want you to know you are an inspiration to me, a leader with so much confidence and drive to keep you going the way you have. I thank you for being the strong person you are and sticking with your quit. You have reassured me that things will get better with what I'm feeling and you know what that means to me.
Thank You and I will be reaching out to you for suggestions on how to tone down my anxiety/depression feeling.
Wow, GC. I am positively flattered by your kind words, and at the same time extremely sad to know that you have to experience these things so intensely, too. I sent you a somewhat lengthy private message. Keep in touch with me.
It's gonna end, man. You just have to keep on walking through hell until the sky opens up and you cross back over to the light.
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How you holding up?
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I just woke up just now 11:56pm in a sweat panic attack and had to come here for some reading to get my mind off of everything. I am so glad that the first thread I opened was yours. I'm at day 24 with my quit and I am practically a mirror image of everything your going through with the withdrawal symptoms. Myself quitting 3 or more energy drinks a day and nic at the same time, a health anxiety from finding out I'm not in control of my body, depression, anxiety, constant crying in my wife's arms.
Like you I want to face this head on without any interference from meds, but I haven't been able too. I do use some meds to help only at night while I'm sleeping just to get some sleep. During they day it's full on life for my brain and it's so hard as you know.
I just want you to know you are an inspiration to me, a leader with so much confidence and drive to keep you going the way you have. I thank you for being the strong person you are and sticking with your quit. You have reassured me that things will get better with what I'm feeling and you know what that means to me.
Thank You and I will be reaching out to you for suggestions on how to tone down my anxiety/depression feeling.
Wow, GC. I am positively flattered by your kind words, and at the same time extremely sad to know that you have to experience these things so intensely, too. I sent you a somewhat lengthy private message. Keep in touch with me.
It's gonna end, man. You just have to keep on walking through hell until the sky opens up and you cross back over to the light.
Man I loved reading this post right here. It wasn't too long ago that Sam was a complete wreck and now look!
That's what this site is all about. Carry on Quitters!
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Man I loved reading this post right here. It wasn't too long ago that Sam was a complete wreck and now look!
That's what this site is all about. Carry on Quitters!
Thanks, rdad. Much love, and I appreciate you sticking with my story since the beginning and offering kind words and wisdom.
This is a journal update for my 98th day.
I was very close to making it a month in the clear, but I had a feeling there would come a time where I would see a resurgence in "fog symptoms." Three days ago, I felt the whisper of anxiety starting to creep back up on me again. The first two days I began to notice the faint presence of anxiety, and I could feel it was building up to something. Today it erupted from the moment I woke up. Rapid heartbeat woke me prior to my alarms. I was gripped by fear, inexplicably. But this time, I was expecting it. I feel like I was better equipped to handle it than I was during my completely out-of-the-blue 70's funk.
Yes, I worried. Yes, it ruined my day to some degree. Yes, I cried deeply before work.
No, I didn't cave. No, it has not made me question my quit. No, it has not made me think I'll never be normal again.
I have had a good, long taste of freedom before this setback, and now I am more determined than ever to fight my way through this turbulence until I reach cruising altitude. Sometimes it will suck, sometimes I'll have to freak out, sometimes I'll need to cry, and with every bit of it will make me a stronger person in the end.
My outlook and respect for my life has shifted drastically since that fateful and accidental Day 1, and for that I am grateful.
I once was a loser but now I'm winning.
Day 98 done.
-
Man I loved reading this post right here. It wasn't too long ago that Sam was a complete wreck and now look!
That's what this site is all about. Carry on Quitters!
Thanks, rdad. Much love, and I appreciate you sticking with my story since the beginning and offering kind words and wisdom.
This is a journal update for my 98th day.
I was very close to making it a month in the clear, but I had a feeling there would come a time where I would see a resurgence in "fog symptoms." Three days ago, I felt the whisper of anxiety starting to creep back up on me again. The first two days I began to notice the faint presence of anxiety, and I could feel it was building up to something. Today it erupted from the moment I woke up. Rapid heartbeat woke me prior to my alarms. I was gripped by fear, inexplicably. But this time, I was expecting it. I feel like I was better equipped to handle it than I was during my completely out-of-the-blue 70's funk.
Yes, I worried. Yes, it ruined my day to some degree. Yes, I cried deeply before work.
No, I didn't cave. No, it has not made me question my quit. No, it has not made me think I'll never be normal again.
I have had a good, long taste of freedom before this setback, and now I am more determined than ever to fight my way through this turbulence until I reach cruising altitude. Sometimes it will suck, sometimes I'll have to freak out, sometimes I'll need to cry, and with every bit of it will make me a stronger person in the end.
My outlook and respect for my life has shifted drastically since that fateful and accidental Day 1, and for that I am grateful.
I once was a loser but now I'm winning.
Day 98 done.
That there is some quitting words
-
Man I loved reading this post right here. It wasn't too long ago that Sam was a complete wreck and now look!
That's what this site is all about. Carry on Quitters!
Thanks, rdad. Much love, and I appreciate you sticking with my story since the beginning and offering kind words and wisdom.
This is a journal update for my 98th day.
I was very close to making it a month in the clear, but I had a feeling there would come a time where I would see a resurgence in "fog symptoms." Three days ago, I felt the whisper of anxiety starting to creep back up on me again. The first two days I began to notice the faint presence of anxiety, and I could feel it was building up to something. Today it erupted from the moment I woke up. Rapid heartbeat woke me prior to my alarms. I was gripped by fear, inexplicably. But this time, I was expecting it. I feel like I was better equipped to handle it than I was during my completely out-of-the-blue 70's funk.
Yes, I worried. Yes, it ruined my day to some degree. Yes, I cried deeply before work.
No, I didn't cave. No, it has not made me question my quit. No, it has not made me think I'll never be normal again.
I have had a good, long taste of freedom before this setback, and now I am more determined than ever to fight my way through this turbulence until I reach cruising altitude. Sometimes it will suck, sometimes I'll have to freak out, sometimes I'll need to cry, and with every bit of it will make me a stronger person in the end.
My outlook and respect for my life has shifted drastically since that fateful and accidental Day 1, and for that I am grateful.
I once was a loser but now I'm winning.
Day 98 done.
That there is some quitting words
That's what I'm talking about, you're becoming poster child for quitting! Damn proud of you!
-
I wrote a "Day 100 speech" specifically to post on Facebook to my friends and family (most of whom had no idea I was an addict or a quitter), and not one single person liked or commented on it except for... my wife. People are lazy as hell and clearly don't want to read anything that can't be condensed into a caption for a photo.
So, that was a waste of effort for people who clearly don't give a shit. I guess I'll just post it here for my own records.
--------------------------
Today is Day 100 since I went cold turkey on nicotine and caffeine at the same time. I only want to talk about the nicotine side of things for now.
I have some things to say about that. First off, to be able to describe to non-users and non-quitters the intense difficulty that it is to quit would be an exercise in futility. You have either been through hell, or you haven't.
A bit about myself: I have been an addict for the past 12 years of my life. A slave to nicotine in one form or another. Cigarettes, dip/snus, nicotine gum, vaporizers, and patches have all made lengthy appearances in that time - some more than others. What began with me telling myself and other people "I'm not addicted; I can quit whenever I want" culminated with me reluctantly accepting my slavery. After all, nobody wants to admit they are weak. This eventually resulted in many failed "attempts" at quitting across the years.
Until now. This time it's different. Why? Because I never made it a single day without nicotine in my life until 24 October, 2015; that was the last time my body ever experienced a dose of its favorite drug. Now I am here before you, 100 days into my quit and acknowledging that I am still and forever will be an addict, but I will not act on it. I quit one day at a time, and I promise that I will not use today. Tomorrow, I will be there to make that same promise.
There is something that needs to be said for Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT - which includes gum, inhalers, patches, and vaporizers): it simply doesn't work. Yes, you quit your old delivery method. Congrats. But you're still a slave until you can kick all of it. You cannot go anywhere without bringing your drug along with you. If you do, you will flip out. You will worry about when you're going to be able to get your next dose. You cannot enjoy life without it. Yet still you refuse to accept this and will continue to tell people how free you are because you "quit smoking" or "quit chewing." You may have removed the carcinogens, but make no mistake, you are still very much bought and paid for by a drug which determines where you go, what you do, and for how long before you have to act on your need for it.
That is not freedom.
A bit about quitting: with nicotine, there is no such thing as tapering. Your body either gets its expected dose through the day, or it goes into withdrawal. Simple as that. The nicotine gum advocates and the vaping industry especially will sell you this lie that you can taper down your dosage. You cannot. You can reduce the level of nicotine in the gum or juice, but you will wind up using more just to get the same dose your body wants. Tapering is a cold lie.
If you're thinking about quitting, cold turkey is the only way to do it.
Yes, it sucks. Yes, withdrawals will test your strength right down to your very soul. Yes, it is like quitting heroin, except worse in some ways because of how easy it is to acquire.
No, it will not be over in 3 days or a week, or whatever bullshit you've been told. The only exception here might be for SMOKERS - most of you guys have it easy because you can put down your habit for several hours through the day before you need a fix, so you will likely recover from the worst withdrawals faster. The rest are either casual users (soon-to-be-addicts) who need no mention here, and all-day users in need of a dose during each hour of the day (like me).
The worst of my experience lasted a whopping 76 days or so. It wasn't until then that I really started to expect there would be an end to this hell. Imagine waking up every morning, for 76 days, and your heart is rapidly beating with adrenaline and your mind is racing with intense, paralyzing fear BEFORE you ever open your eyes. Imagine this was how you lived all day every day. Imagine yourself breaking down into uncontrollable sobbing fits for no reason. Imagine thinking that something is physically and psychologically wrong with you and that you will never be normal again. Imagine your despair as every system in your body short-circuits and attacks you in an attempt to get you back to using the drug is has grown to need.
And then imagine your relief when all of that stops. The sky opens up and the sun shines down on your face.
That's where I am. It's not over, and I still experience ups and downs. The difference between then and now is that the ups are becoming longer and more noticeable than the downs. I have reached a turning point. I can breathe. I can see clearly. I can think without battling a haze of confusion. I am more in control of myself. I sleep better than I ever have in my life. I am happy.
If you aren't a user: I pray that you never start. It's NOT worth it.
If you are a smoker/chewer: I pray that someday you will quit before your family has to bury you as a result of your addiction. It's worth it.
If you are a vaper or other NRT user: I pray that you will stop deluding yourself that simply "quitting tobacco" is the end goal, and make a genuine effort. It's worth it.
Life is so much better now. I quit every day for the past 100 days, and I will be here to quit tomorrow.
-
I wrote a "Day 100 speech" specifically to post on Facebook to my friends and family (most of whom had no idea I was an addict or a quitter), and not one single person liked or commented on it except for... my wife. People are lazy as hell and clearly don't want to read anything that can't be condensed into a caption for a photo.
So, that was a waste of effort for people who clearly don't give a shit. I guess I'll just post it here for my own records.
--------------------------
Today is Day 100 since I went cold turkey on nicotine and caffeine at the same time. I only want to talk about the nicotine side of things for now.
I have some things to say about that. First off, to be able to describe to non-users and non-quitters the intense difficulty that it is to quit would be an exercise in futility. You have either been through hell, or you haven't.
A bit about myself: I have been an addict for the past 12 years of my life. A slave to nicotine in one form or another. Cigarettes, dip/snus, nicotine gum, vaporizers, and patches have all made lengthy appearances in that time - some more than others. What began with me telling myself and other people "I'm not addicted; I can quit whenever I want" culminated with me reluctantly accepting my slavery. After all, nobody wants to admit they are weak. This eventually resulted in many failed "attempts" at quitting across the years.
Until now. This time it's different. Why? Because I never made it a single day without nicotine in my life until 24 October, 2015; that was the last time my body ever experienced a dose of its favorite drug. Now I am here before you, 100 days into my quit and acknowledging that I am still and forever will be an addict, but I will not act on it. I quit one day at a time, and I promise that I will not use today. Tomorrow, I will be there to make that same promise.
There is something that needs to be said for Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT - which includes gum, inhalers, patches, and vaporizers): it simply doesn't work. Yes, you quit your old delivery method. Congrats. But you're still a slave until you can kick all of it. You cannot go anywhere without bringing your drug along with you. If you do, you will flip out. You will worry about when you're going to be able to get your next dose. You cannot enjoy life without it. Yet still you refuse to accept this and will continue to tell people how free you are because you "quit smoking" or "quit chewing." You may have removed the carcinogens, but make no mistake, you are still very much bought and paid for by a drug which determines where you go, what you do, and for how long before you have to act on your need for it.
That is not freedom.
A bit about quitting: with nicotine, there is no such thing as tapering. Your body either gets its expected dose through the day, or it goes into withdrawal. Simple as that. The nicotine gum advocates and the vaping industry especially will sell you this lie that you can taper down your dosage. You cannot. You can reduce the level of nicotine in the gum or juice, but you will wind up using more just to get the same dose your body wants. Tapering is a cold lie.
If you're thinking about quitting, cold turkey is the only way to do it.
Yes, it sucks. Yes, withdrawals will test your strength right down to your very soul. Yes, it is like quitting heroin, except worse in some ways because of how easy it is to acquire.
No, it will not be over in 3 days or a week, or whatever bullshit you've been told. The only exception here might be for SMOKERS - most of you guys have it easy because you can put down your habit for several hours through the day before you need a fix, so you will likely recover from the worst withdrawals faster. The rest are either casual users (soon-to-be-addicts) who need no mention here, and all-day users in need of a dose during each hour of the day (like me).
The worst of my experience lasted a whopping 76 days or so. It wasn't until then that I really started to expect there would be an end to this hell. Imagine waking up every morning, for 76 days, and your heart is rapidly beating with adrenaline and your mind is racing with intense, paralyzing fear BEFORE you ever open your eyes. Imagine this was how you lived all day every day. Imagine yourself breaking down into uncontrollable sobbing fits for no reason. Imagine thinking that something is physically and psychologically wrong with you and that you will never be normal again. Imagine your despair as every system in your body short-circuits and attacks you in an attempt to get you back to using the drug is has grown to need.
And then imagine your relief when all of that stops. The sky opens up and the sun shines down on your face.
That's where I am. It's not over, and I still experience ups and downs. The difference between then and now is that the ups are becoming longer and more noticeable than the downs. I have reached a turning point. I can breathe. I can see clearly. I can think without battling a haze of confusion. I am more in control of myself. I sleep better than I ever have in my life. I am happy.
If you aren't a user: I pray that you never start. It's NOT worth it.
If you are a smoker/chewer: I pray that someday you will quit before your family has to bury you as a result of your addiction. It's worth it.
If you are a vaper or other NRT user: I pray that you will stop deluding yourself that simply "quitting tobacco" is the end goal, and make a genuine effort. It's worth it.
Life is so much better now. I quit every day for the past 100 days, and I will be here to quit tomorrow.
Only a quitter can understand the gravity of your words. Those people on Facebook don't get it.
Well done sir. Proud to quit with you.
-
I wrote a "Day 100 speech" specifically to post on Facebook to my friends and family (most of whom had no idea I was an addict or a quitter), and not one single person liked or commented on it except for... my wife. People are lazy as hell and clearly don't want to read anything that can't be condensed into a caption for a photo.
So, that was a waste of effort for people who clearly don't give a shit. I guess I'll just post it here for my own records.
--------------------------
Today is Day 100 since I went cold turkey on nicotine and caffeine at the same time. I only want to talk about the nicotine side of things for now.
I have some things to say about that. First off, to be able to describe to non-users and non-quitters the intense difficulty that it is to quit would be an exercise in futility. You have either been through hell, or you haven't.
A bit about myself: I have been an addict for the past 12 years of my life. A slave to nicotine in one form or another. Cigarettes, dip/snus, nicotine gum, vaporizers, and patches have all made lengthy appearances in that time - some more than others. What began with me telling myself and other people "I'm not addicted; I can quit whenever I want" culminated with me reluctantly accepting my slavery. After all, nobody wants to admit they are weak. This eventually resulted in many failed "attempts" at quitting across the years.
Until now. This time it's different. Why? Because I never made it a single day without nicotine in my life until 24 October, 2015; that was the last time my body ever experienced a dose of its favorite drug. Now I am here before you, 100 days into my quit and acknowledging that I am still and forever will be an addict, but I will not act on it. I quit one day at a time, and I promise that I will not use today. Tomorrow, I will be there to make that same promise.
There is something that needs to be said for Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT - which includes gum, inhalers, patches, and vaporizers): it simply doesn't work. Yes, you quit your old delivery method. Congrats. But you're still a slave until you can kick all of it. You cannot go anywhere without bringing your drug along with you. If you do, you will flip out. You will worry about when you're going to be able to get your next dose. You cannot enjoy life without it. Yet still you refuse to accept this and will continue to tell people how free you are because you "quit smoking" or "quit chewing." You may have removed the carcinogens, but make no mistake, you are still very much bought and paid for by a drug which determines where you go, what you do, and for how long before you have to act on your need for it.
That is not freedom.
A bit about quitting: with nicotine, there is no such thing as tapering. Your body either gets its expected dose through the day, or it goes into withdrawal. Simple as that. The nicotine gum advocates and the vaping industry especially will sell you this lie that you can taper down your dosage. You cannot. You can reduce the level of nicotine in the gum or juice, but you will wind up using more just to get the same dose your body wants. Tapering is a cold lie.
If you're thinking about quitting, cold turkey is the only way to do it.
Yes, it sucks. Yes, withdrawals will test your strength right down to your very soul. Yes, it is like quitting heroin, except worse in some ways because of how easy it is to acquire.
No, it will not be over in 3 days or a week, or whatever bullshit you've been told. The only exception here might be for SMOKERS - most of you guys have it easy because you can put down your habit for several hours through the day before you need a fix, so you will likely recover from the worst withdrawals faster. The rest are either casual users (soon-to-be-addicts) who need no mention here, and all-day users in need of a dose during each hour of the day (like me).
The worst of my experience lasted a whopping 76 days or so. It wasn't until then that I really started to expect there would be an end to this hell. Imagine waking up every morning, for 76 days, and your heart is rapidly beating with adrenaline and your mind is racing with intense, paralyzing fear BEFORE you ever open your eyes. Imagine this was how you lived all day every day. Imagine yourself breaking down into uncontrollable sobbing fits for no reason. Imagine thinking that something is physically and psychologically wrong with you and that you will never be normal again. Imagine your despair as every system in your body short-circuits and attacks you in an attempt to get you back to using the drug is has grown to need.
And then imagine your relief when all of that stops. The sky opens up and the sun shines down on your face.
That's where I am. It's not over, and I still experience ups and downs. The difference between then and now is that the ups are becoming longer and more noticeable than the downs. I have reached a turning point. I can breathe. I can see clearly. I can think without battling a haze of confusion. I am more in control of myself. I sleep better than I ever have in my life. I am happy.
If you aren't a user: I pray that you never start. It's NOT worth it.
If you are a smoker/chewer: I pray that someday you will quit before your family has to bury you as a result of your addiction. It's worth it.
If you are a vaper or other NRT user: I pray that you will stop deluding yourself that simply "quitting tobacco" is the end goal, and make a genuine effort. It's worth it.
Life is so much better now. I quit every day for the past 100 days, and I will be here to quit tomorrow.
Only a quitter can understand the gravity of your words. Those people on Facebook don't get it.
Well done sir. Proud to quit with you.
Awesome Samuel! You will appreciate yourself some day, just like we are now! Quit on!
-
I wrote a "Day 100 speech" specifically to post on Facebook to my friends and family (most of whom had no idea I was an addict or a quitter), and not one single person liked or commented on it except for... my wife. People are lazy as hell and clearly don't want to read anything that can't be condensed into a caption for a photo.
So, that was a waste of effort for people who clearly don't give a shit. I guess I'll just post it here for my own records.
--------------------------
Today is Day 100 since I went cold turkey on nicotine and caffeine at the same time. I only want to talk about the nicotine side of things for now.
I have some things to say about that. First off, to be able to describe to non-users and non-quitters the intense difficulty that it is to quit would be an exercise in futility. You have either been through hell, or you haven't.
A bit about myself: I have been an addict for the past 12 years of my life. A slave to nicotine in one form or another. Cigarettes, dip/snus, nicotine gum, vaporizers, and patches have all made lengthy appearances in that time - some more than others. What began with me telling myself and other people "I'm not addicted; I can quit whenever I want" culminated with me reluctantly accepting my slavery. After all, nobody wants to admit they are weak. This eventually resulted in many failed "attempts" at quitting across the years.
Until now. This time it's different. Why? Because I never made it a single day without nicotine in my life until 24 October, 2015; that was the last time my body ever experienced a dose of its favorite drug. Now I am here before you, 100 days into my quit and acknowledging that I am still and forever will be an addict, but I will not act on it. I quit one day at a time, and I promise that I will not use today. Tomorrow, I will be there to make that same promise.
There is something that needs to be said for Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT - which includes gum, inhalers, patches, and vaporizers): it simply doesn't work. Yes, you quit your old delivery method. Congrats. But you're still a slave until you can kick all of it. You cannot go anywhere without bringing your drug along with you. If you do, you will flip out. You will worry about when you're going to be able to get your next dose. You cannot enjoy life without it. Yet still you refuse to accept this and will continue to tell people how free you are because you "quit smoking" or "quit chewing." You may have removed the carcinogens, but make no mistake, you are still very much bought and paid for by a drug which determines where you go, what you do, and for how long before you have to act on your need for it.
That is not freedom.
A bit about quitting: with nicotine, there is no such thing as tapering. Your body either gets its expected dose through the day, or it goes into withdrawal. Simple as that. The nicotine gum advocates and the vaping industry especially will sell you this lie that you can taper down your dosage. You cannot. You can reduce the level of nicotine in the gum or juice, but you will wind up using more just to get the same dose your body wants. Tapering is a cold lie.
If you're thinking about quitting, cold turkey is the only way to do it.
Yes, it sucks. Yes, withdrawals will test your strength right down to your very soul. Yes, it is like quitting heroin, except worse in some ways because of how easy it is to acquire.
No, it will not be over in 3 days or a week, or whatever bullshit you've been told. The only exception here might be for SMOKERS - most of you guys have it easy because you can put down your habit for several hours through the day before you need a fix, so you will likely recover from the worst withdrawals faster. The rest are either casual users (soon-to-be-addicts) who need no mention here, and all-day users in need of a dose during each hour of the day (like me).
The worst of my experience lasted a whopping 76 days or so. It wasn't until then that I really started to expect there would be an end to this hell. Imagine waking up every morning, for 76 days, and your heart is rapidly beating with adrenaline and your mind is racing with intense, paralyzing fear BEFORE you ever open your eyes. Imagine this was how you lived all day every day. Imagine yourself breaking down into uncontrollable sobbing fits for no reason. Imagine thinking that something is physically and psychologically wrong with you and that you will never be normal again. Imagine your despair as every system in your body short-circuits and attacks you in an attempt to get you back to using the drug is has grown to need.
And then imagine your relief when all of that stops. The sky opens up and the sun shines down on your face.
That's where I am. It's not over, and I still experience ups and downs. The difference between then and now is that the ups are becoming longer and more noticeable than the downs. I have reached a turning point. I can breathe. I can see clearly. I can think without battling a haze of confusion. I am more in control of myself. I sleep better than I ever have in my life. I am happy.
If you aren't a user: I pray that you never start. It's NOT worth it.
If you are a smoker/chewer: I pray that someday you will quit before your family has to bury you as a result of your addiction. It's worth it.
If you are a vaper or other NRT user: I pray that you will stop deluding yourself that simply "quitting tobacco" is the end goal, and make a genuine effort. It's worth it.
Life is so much better now. I quit every day for the past 100 days, and I will be here to quit tomorrow.
Only a quitter can understand the gravity of your words. Those people on Facebook don't get it.
Well done sir. Proud to quit with you.
Awesome Samuel! You will appreciate yourself some day, just like we are now! Quit on!
here's to lookin up to ya
-
I wrote a "Day 100 speech" specifically to post on Facebook to my friends and family (most of whom had no idea I was an addict or a quitter), and not one single person liked or commented on it except for... my wife. People are lazy as hell and clearly don't want to read anything that can't be condensed into a caption for a photo.
So, that was a waste of effort for people who clearly don't give a shit. I guess I'll just post it here for my own records.
--------------------------
Today is Day 100 since I went cold turkey on nicotine and caffeine at the same time. I only want to talk about the nicotine side of things for now.
I have some things to say about that. First off, to be able to describe to non-users and non-quitters the intense difficulty that it is to quit would be an exercise in futility. You have either been through hell, or you haven't.
A bit about myself: I have been an addict for the past 12 years of my life. A slave to nicotine in one form or another. Cigarettes, dip/snus, nicotine gum, vaporizers, and patches have all made lengthy appearances in that time - some more than others. What began with me telling myself and other people "I'm not addicted; I can quit whenever I want" culminated with me reluctantly accepting my slavery. After all, nobody wants to admit they are weak. This eventually resulted in many failed "attempts" at quitting across the years.
Until now. This time it's different. Why? Because I never made it a single day without nicotine in my life until 24 October, 2015; that was the last time my body ever experienced a dose of its favorite drug. Now I am here before you, 100 days into my quit and acknowledging that I am still and forever will be an addict, but I will not act on it. I quit one day at a time, and I promise that I will not use today. Tomorrow, I will be there to make that same promise.
There is something that needs to be said for Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT - which includes gum, inhalers, patches, and vaporizers): it simply doesn't work. Yes, you quit your old delivery method. Congrats. But you're still a slave until you can kick all of it. You cannot go anywhere without bringing your drug along with you. If you do, you will flip out. You will worry about when you're going to be able to get your next dose. You cannot enjoy life without it. Yet still you refuse to accept this and will continue to tell people how free you are because you "quit smoking" or "quit chewing." You may have removed the carcinogens, but make no mistake, you are still very much bought and paid for by a drug which determines where you go, what you do, and for how long before you have to act on your need for it.
That is not freedom.
A bit about quitting: with nicotine, there is no such thing as tapering. Your body either gets its expected dose through the day, or it goes into withdrawal. Simple as that. The nicotine gum advocates and the vaping industry especially will sell you this lie that you can taper down your dosage. You cannot. You can reduce the level of nicotine in the gum or juice, but you will wind up using more just to get the same dose your body wants. Tapering is a cold lie.
If you're thinking about quitting, cold turkey is the only way to do it.
Yes, it sucks. Yes, withdrawals will test your strength right down to your very soul. Yes, it is like quitting heroin, except worse in some ways because of how easy it is to acquire.
No, it will not be over in 3 days or a week, or whatever bullshit you've been told. The only exception here might be for SMOKERS - most of you guys have it easy because you can put down your habit for several hours through the day before you need a fix, so you will likely recover from the worst withdrawals faster. The rest are either casual users (soon-to-be-addicts) who need no mention here, and all-day users in need of a dose during each hour of the day (like me).
The worst of my experience lasted a whopping 76 days or so. It wasn't until then that I really started to expect there would be an end to this hell. Imagine waking up every morning, for 76 days, and your heart is rapidly beating with adrenaline and your mind is racing with intense, paralyzing fear BEFORE you ever open your eyes. Imagine this was how you lived all day every day. Imagine yourself breaking down into uncontrollable sobbing fits for no reason. Imagine thinking that something is physically and psychologically wrong with you and that you will never be normal again. Imagine your despair as every system in your body short-circuits and attacks you in an attempt to get you back to using the drug is has grown to need.
And then imagine your relief when all of that stops. The sky opens up and the sun shines down on your face.
That's where I am. It's not over, and I still experience ups and downs. The difference between then and now is that the ups are becoming longer and more noticeable than the downs. I have reached a turning point. I can breathe. I can see clearly. I can think without battling a haze of confusion. I am more in control of myself. I sleep better than I ever have in my life. I am happy.
If you aren't a user: I pray that you never start. It's NOT worth it.
If you are a smoker/chewer: I pray that someday you will quit before your family has to bury you as a result of your addiction. It's worth it.
If you are a vaper or other NRT user: I pray that you will stop deluding yourself that simply "quitting tobacco" is the end goal, and make a genuine effort. It's worth it.
Life is so much better now. I quit every day for the past 100 days, and I will be here to quit tomorrow.
Only a quitter can understand the gravity of your words. Those people on Facebook don't get it.
Well done sir. Proud to quit with you.
Awesome Samuel! You will appreciate yourself some day, just like we are now! Quit on!
here's to lookin up to ya
Sammy I just came back to your intro and read that unbelievable HOF post. Frankly, it's the best I have read. It's brutally honest, full of truths and self reflections, and so well written! I am super proud to quit with you EDD and will in anytime of weakness think of my quit pals Samuel and the Dogs to quickly shake any lack of confidence.
Thank you for quitting hard every day and for coming out the other side of the tunnel...we had such similar quits to 100 it's unreal!
See ya on roll manana brother
RB
-
I wrote a "Day 100 speech" specifically to post on Facebook to my friends and family (most of whom had no idea I was an addict or a quitter), and not one single person liked or commented on it except for... my wife. People are lazy as hell and clearly don't want to read anything that can't be condensed into a caption for a photo.
So, that was a waste of effort for people who clearly don't give a shit. I guess I'll just post it here for my own records.
--------------------------
Today is Day 100 since I went cold turkey on nicotine and caffeine at the same time. I only want to talk about the nicotine side of things for now.
I have some things to say about that. First off, to be able to describe to non-users and non-quitters the intense difficulty that it is to quit would be an exercise in futility. You have either been through hell, or you haven't.
A bit about myself: I have been an addict for the past 12 years of my life. A slave to nicotine in one form or another. Cigarettes, dip/snus, nicotine gum, vaporizers, and patches have all made lengthy appearances in that time - some more than others. What began with me telling myself and other people "I'm not addicted; I can quit whenever I want" culminated with me reluctantly accepting my slavery. After all, nobody wants to admit they are weak. This eventually resulted in many failed "attempts" at quitting across the years.
Until now. This time it's different. Why? Because I never made it a single day without nicotine in my life until 24 October, 2015; that was the last time my body ever experienced a dose of its favorite drug. Now I am here before you, 100 days into my quit and acknowledging that I am still and forever will be an addict, but I will not act on it. I quit one day at a time, and I promise that I will not use today. Tomorrow, I will be there to make that same promise.
There is something that needs to be said for Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT - which includes gum, inhalers, patches, and vaporizers): it simply doesn't work. Yes, you quit your old delivery method. Congrats. But you're still a slave until you can kick all of it. You cannot go anywhere without bringing your drug along with you. If you do, you will flip out. You will worry about when you're going to be able to get your next dose. You cannot enjoy life without it. Yet still you refuse to accept this and will continue to tell people how free you are because you "quit smoking" or "quit chewing." You may have removed the carcinogens, but make no mistake, you are still very much bought and paid for by a drug which determines where you go, what you do, and for how long before you have to act on your need for it.
That is not freedom.
A bit about quitting: with nicotine, there is no such thing as tapering. Your body either gets its expected dose through the day, or it goes into withdrawal. Simple as that. The nicotine gum advocates and the vaping industry especially will sell you this lie that you can taper down your dosage. You cannot. You can reduce the level of nicotine in the gum or juice, but you will wind up using more just to get the same dose your body wants. Tapering is a cold lie.
If you're thinking about quitting, cold turkey is the only way to do it.
Yes, it sucks. Yes, withdrawals will test your strength right down to your very soul. Yes, it is like quitting heroin, except worse in some ways because of how easy it is to acquire.
No, it will not be over in 3 days or a week, or whatever bullshit you've been told. The only exception here might be for SMOKERS - most of you guys have it easy because you can put down your habit for several hours through the day before you need a fix, so you will likely recover from the worst withdrawals faster. The rest are either casual users (soon-to-be-addicts) who need no mention here, and all-day users in need of a dose during each hour of the day (like me).
The worst of my experience lasted a whopping 76 days or so. It wasn't until then that I really started to expect there would be an end to this hell. Imagine waking up every morning, for 76 days, and your heart is rapidly beating with adrenaline and your mind is racing with intense, paralyzing fear BEFORE you ever open your eyes. Imagine this was how you lived all day every day. Imagine yourself breaking down into uncontrollable sobbing fits for no reason. Imagine thinking that something is physically and psychologically wrong with you and that you will never be normal again. Imagine your despair as every system in your body short-circuits and attacks you in an attempt to get you back to using the drug is has grown to need.
And then imagine your relief when all of that stops. The sky opens up and the sun shines down on your face.
That's where I am. It's not over, and I still experience ups and downs. The difference between then and now is that the ups are becoming longer and more noticeable than the downs. I have reached a turning point. I can breathe. I can see clearly. I can think without battling a haze of confusion. I am more in control of myself. I sleep better than I ever have in my life. I am happy.
If you aren't a user: I pray that you never start. It's NOT worth it.
If you are a smoker/chewer: I pray that someday you will quit before your family has to bury you as a result of your addiction. It's worth it.
If you are a vaper or other NRT user: I pray that you will stop deluding yourself that simply "quitting tobacco" is the end goal, and make a genuine effort. It's worth it.
Life is so much better now. I quit every day for the past 100 days, and I will be here to quit tomorrow.
Only a quitter can understand the gravity of your words. Those people on Facebook don't get it.
Well done sir. Proud to quit with you.
Awesome Samuel! You will appreciate yourself some day, just like we are now! Quit on!
here's to lookin up to ya
Sammy I just came back to your intro and read that unbelievable HOF post. Frankly, it's the best I have read. It's brutally honest, full of truths and self reflections, and so well written! I am super proud to quit with you EDD and will in anytime of weakness think of my quit pals Samuel and the Dogs to quickly shake any lack of confidence.
Thank you for quitting hard every day and for coming out the other side of the tunnel...we had such similar quits to 100 it's unreal!
See ya on roll manana brother
RB
I hope that you've posted this in the KTC HOF section SamueL I'm sure that it will help others here. B)B
-
I wrote a "Day 100 speech" specifically to post on Facebook to my friends and family (most of whom had no idea I was an addict or a quitter), and not one single person liked or commented on it except for... my wife. People are lazy as hell and clearly don't want to read anything that can't be condensed into a caption for a photo.
So, that was a waste of effort for people who clearly don't give a shit. I guess I'll just post it here for my own records.
--------------------------
Today is Day 100 since I went cold turkey on nicotine and caffeine at the same time. I only want to talk about the nicotine side of things for now.
I have some things to say about that. First off, to be able to describe to non-users and non-quitters the intense difficulty that it is to quit would be an exercise in futility. You have either been through hell, or you haven't.
A bit about myself: I have been an addict for the past 12 years of my life. A slave to nicotine in one form or another. Cigarettes, dip/snus, nicotine gum, vaporizers, and patches have all made lengthy appearances in that time - some more than others. What began with me telling myself and other people "I'm not addicted; I can quit whenever I want" culminated with me reluctantly accepting my slavery. After all, nobody wants to admit they are weak. This eventually resulted in many failed "attempts" at quitting across the years.
Until now. This time it's different. Why? Because I never made it a single day without nicotine in my life until 24 October, 2015; that was the last time my body ever experienced a dose of its favorite drug. Now I am here before you, 100 days into my quit and acknowledging that I am still and forever will be an addict, but I will not act on it. I quit one day at a time, and I promise that I will not use today. Tomorrow, I will be there to make that same promise.
There is something that needs to be said for Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT - which includes gum, inhalers, patches, and vaporizers): it simply doesn't work. Yes, you quit your old delivery method. Congrats. But you're still a slave until you can kick all of it. You cannot go anywhere without bringing your drug along with you. If you do, you will flip out. You will worry about when you're going to be able to get your next dose. You cannot enjoy life without it. Yet still you refuse to accept this and will continue to tell people how free you are because you "quit smoking" or "quit chewing." You may have removed the carcinogens, but make no mistake, you are still very much bought and paid for by a drug which determines where you go, what you do, and for how long before you have to act on your need for it.
That is not freedom.
A bit about quitting: with nicotine, there is no such thing as tapering. Your body either gets its expected dose through the day, or it goes into withdrawal. Simple as that. The nicotine gum advocates and the vaping industry especially will sell you this lie that you can taper down your dosage. You cannot. You can reduce the level of nicotine in the gum or juice, but you will wind up using more just to get the same dose your body wants. Tapering is a cold lie.
If you're thinking about quitting, cold turkey is the only way to do it.
Yes, it sucks. Yes, withdrawals will test your strength right down to your very soul. Yes, it is like quitting heroin, except worse in some ways because of how easy it is to acquire.
No, it will not be over in 3 days or a week, or whatever bullshit you've been told. The only exception here might be for SMOKERS - most of you guys have it easy because you can put down your habit for several hours through the day before you need a fix, so you will likely recover from the worst withdrawals faster. The rest are either casual users (soon-to-be-addicts) who need no mention here, and all-day users in need of a dose during each hour of the day (like me).
The worst of my experience lasted a whopping 76 days or so. It wasn't until then that I really started to expect there would be an end to this hell. Imagine waking up every morning, for 76 days, and your heart is rapidly beating with adrenaline and your mind is racing with intense, paralyzing fear BEFORE you ever open your eyes. Imagine this was how you lived all day every day. Imagine yourself breaking down into uncontrollable sobbing fits for no reason. Imagine thinking that something is physically and psychologically wrong with you and that you will never be normal again. Imagine your despair as every system in your body short-circuits and attacks you in an attempt to get you back to using the drug is has grown to need.
And then imagine your relief when all of that stops. The sky opens up and the sun shines down on your face.
That's where I am. It's not over, and I still experience ups and downs. The difference between then and now is that the ups are becoming longer and more noticeable than the downs. I have reached a turning point. I can breathe. I can see clearly. I can think without battling a haze of confusion. I am more in control of myself. I sleep better than I ever have in my life. I am happy.
If you aren't a user: I pray that you never start. It's NOT worth it.
If you are a smoker/chewer: I pray that someday you will quit before your family has to bury you as a result of your addiction. It's worth it.
If you are a vaper or other NRT user: I pray that you will stop deluding yourself that simply "quitting tobacco" is the end goal, and make a genuine effort. It's worth it.
Life is so much better now. I quit every day for the past 100 days, and I will be here to quit tomorrow.
Only a quitter can understand the gravity of your words. Those people on Facebook don't get it.
Well done sir. Proud to quit with you.
Awesome Samuel! You will appreciate yourself some day, just like we are now! Quit on!
here's to lookin up to ya
Sammy I just came back to your intro and read that unbelievable HOF post. Frankly, it's the best I have read. It's brutally honest, full of truths and self reflections, and so well written! I am super proud to quit with you EDD and will in anytime of weakness think of my quit pals Samuel and the Dogs to quickly shake any lack of confidence.
Thank you for quitting hard every day and for coming out the other side of the tunnel...we had such similar quits to 100 it's unreal!
See ya on roll manana brother
RB
I hope that you've posted this in the KTC HOF section SamueL I'm sure that it will help others here. B)B
And I just put part of this post in my quit group's page. ^_^
-
I wrote a "Day 100 speech" specifically to post on Facebook to my friends and family (most of whom had no idea I was an addict or a quitter), and not one single person liked or commented on it except for... my wife. People are lazy as hell and clearly don't want to read anything that can't be condensed into a caption for a photo.
So, that was a waste of effort for people who clearly don't give a shit. I guess I'll just post it here for my own records.
--------------------------
Today is Day 100 since I went cold turkey on nicotine and caffeine at the same time. I only want to talk about the nicotine side of things for now.
I have some things to say about that. First off, to be able to describe to non-users and non-quitters the intense difficulty that it is to quit would be an exercise in futility. You have either been through hell, or you haven't.
A bit about myself: I have been an addict for the past 12 years of my life. A slave to nicotine in one form or another. Cigarettes, dip/snus, nicotine gum, vaporizers, and patches have all made lengthy appearances in that time - some more than others. What began with me telling myself and other people "I'm not addicted; I can quit whenever I want" culminated with me reluctantly accepting my slavery. After all, nobody wants to admit they are weak. This eventually resulted in many failed "attempts" at quitting across the years.
Until now. This time it's different. Why? Because I never made it a single day without nicotine in my life until 24 October, 2015; that was the last time my body ever experienced a dose of its favorite drug. Now I am here before you, 100 days into my quit and acknowledging that I am still and forever will be an addict, but I will not act on it. I quit one day at a time, and I promise that I will not use today. Tomorrow, I will be there to make that same promise.
There is something that needs to be said for Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT - which includes gum, inhalers, patches, and vaporizers): it simply doesn't work. Yes, you quit your old delivery method. Congrats. But you're still a slave until you can kick all of it. You cannot go anywhere without bringing your drug along with you. If you do, you will flip out. You will worry about when you're going to be able to get your next dose. You cannot enjoy life without it. Yet still you refuse to accept this and will continue to tell people how free you are because you "quit smoking" or "quit chewing." You may have removed the carcinogens, but make no mistake, you are still very much bought and paid for by a drug which determines where you go, what you do, and for how long before you have to act on your need for it.
That is not freedom.
A bit about quitting: with nicotine, there is no such thing as tapering. Your body either gets its expected dose through the day, or it goes into withdrawal. Simple as that. The nicotine gum advocates and the vaping industry especially will sell you this lie that you can taper down your dosage. You cannot. You can reduce the level of nicotine in the gum or juice, but you will wind up using more just to get the same dose your body wants. Tapering is a cold lie.
If you're thinking about quitting, cold turkey is the only way to do it.
Yes, it sucks. Yes, withdrawals will test your strength right down to your very soul. Yes, it is like quitting heroin, except worse in some ways because of how easy it is to acquire.
No, it will not be over in 3 days or a week, or whatever bullshit you've been told. The only exception here might be for SMOKERS - most of you guys have it easy because you can put down your habit for several hours through the day before you need a fix, so you will likely recover from the worst withdrawals faster. The rest are either casual users (soon-to-be-addicts) who need no mention here, and all-day users in need of a dose during each hour of the day (like me).
The worst of my experience lasted a whopping 76 days or so. It wasn't until then that I really started to expect there would be an end to this hell. Imagine waking up every morning, for 76 days, and your heart is rapidly beating with adrenaline and your mind is racing with intense, paralyzing fear BEFORE you ever open your eyes. Imagine this was how you lived all day every day. Imagine yourself breaking down into uncontrollable sobbing fits for no reason. Imagine thinking that something is physically and psychologically wrong with you and that you will never be normal again. Imagine your despair as every system in your body short-circuits and attacks you in an attempt to get you back to using the drug is has grown to need.
And then imagine your relief when all of that stops. The sky opens up and the sun shines down on your face.
That's where I am. It's not over, and I still experience ups and downs. The difference between then and now is that the ups are becoming longer and more noticeable than the downs. I have reached a turning point. I can breathe. I can see clearly. I can think without battling a haze of confusion. I am more in control of myself. I sleep better than I ever have in my life. I am happy.
If you aren't a user: I pray that you never start. It's NOT worth it.
If you are a smoker/chewer: I pray that someday you will quit before your family has to bury you as a result of your addiction. It's worth it.
If you are a vaper or other NRT user: I pray that you will stop deluding yourself that simply "quitting tobacco" is the end goal, and make a genuine effort. It's worth it.
Life is so much better now. I quit every day for the past 100 days, and I will be here to quit tomorrow.
Only a quitter can understand the gravity of your words. Those people on Facebook don't get it.
Well done sir. Proud to quit with you.
Awesome Samuel! You will appreciate yourself some day, just like we are now! Quit on!
here's to lookin up to ya
Sammy I just came back to your intro and read that unbelievable HOF post. Frankly, it's the best I have read. It's brutally honest, full of truths and self reflections, and so well written! I am super proud to quit with you EDD and will in anytime of weakness think of my quit pals Samuel and the Dogs to quickly shake any lack of confidence.
Thank you for quitting hard every day and for coming out the other side of the tunnel...we had such similar quits to 100 it's unreal!
See ya on roll manana brother
RB
I hope that you've posted this in the KTC HOF section SamueL I'm sure that it will help others here. B)B
And I just put part of this post in my quit group's page. ^_^
I was reading back to your first post, then your 100 days. I am proud to be quit with you, KTC gold!
-
I know this is an old thread but Sam has gone through the exact same place that I am currently in. Crippling depression and anxiety. Thank you for your story it has helped me immensely today
-
SamueL, congrats on your 2 years quit!
-
MIGHTY FINE DANGLE QUIT!!
Congrats SamueL!
-
MIGHTY FINE DANGLE QUIT!!
Congrats SamueL!
Congratulations Samuel! Well deserved my friend. Damn proud of you my friend!