KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: grimace8777 on December 19, 2010, 10:40:00 PM
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So, here I am yet again. I quit for 9 months!!!! I had a few life problems happen, nothing really out of the ordinary life BS and bam, I'm back at it. How did I quit for 9 months and let myself go back at it? This question plagues me big time, I don't get it the first can was the hardest to buy. So, here I am again 4 chews in the last 7 days and 0 in the last 2. I'm tired of always thinking that I'm going to die of cancer, I'm tired of looking at my mouth every 2 seconds trying to figure out if "that's normal". I never worried about that stuff after 9 months! I feel like such a failure for going back, well, not this time, I've got to quit for good.
Sorry, just had to get this off my chest, I'm going to be working back in the field in a few days and it's going to be a fight but one that I must win!!!
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Rah Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah.
Whoopdee fuckin' doo.
What's going to make this time different?
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How did I quit for 9 months and let myself go back at it? This question plagues me big time, I don't get it the first can was the hardest to buy.Â
You didn't quit, you were just taking a break. You've been a member here for over a year and you've only got two posts? Spend some time learning about this place and what quitting means and I suspect you'll start to get it.
Indeed, what is going to be different?
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If you are serious, give your word.
Then keep it.
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Ya, you guys are right for sure. I have been a member for a long time, thought I could go at it alone but I now realize my method was flawed. I started posting role that is what I am doing this time, and I realize that even after 100 days that doesn't mean shit because I had crossed 200 days before.
So now when I have a craving, I come read on this site and that seems to help so far as well.
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I have recently thought about this web site and why the principles work. One of my greatest interests is fitness and I think this quitting business has a lot of similarities to working out. Consider for a minute the success rate of people who are trying to get in shape using a home gym vs someone paying monthly for a gym membership. Most people that I know who have their own equipment at their home rarely put it to good use. Studies show that most people will be more successful by joining a gym. The monthly membership will often make one feel monetarily invested, the gym provides a more intriguing/stimulating workout environment, and most importantly joining a workout group or having a workout partner makes you feel socially invested. When you have a workout partner expecting you to be at the gym every morning, it makes it that much more difficult for you to pull the covers over your head and go back to sleep. You feel as though someone is counting on you. Your absence will undoubtedly affect your partner's workout. Just as you feel obligated to show up, so does your partner. The parallels to this site are obvious. All of our quits are made stronger by the knowledge that there are people on here counting on you to be here. We see other people succeed and grow stronger in their quit and it pushes us to become stronger in our quit. We develop a bond with our quit brothers and we don't want to disappoint them and let them down. We post roll every day because our quit brothers are waiting to see us post roll. We stay quit because if he can do it, why can't I?
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Grimace, this site works on the principle of accountability. By posting roll and having phone numbers of the people here, you make your self accountable to them. You keep your word. You had no accountability = your quit didn't last. Are you going to make your self accountable to the other members on this site?
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USAFCCT: I really appeciate the help from everyone on the board but I am not doing this for anyone but myself. I post b/c I want to post and not b/c someone is waiting for my HKS to show up and my number count. I know people care and I believe it but if I was doing this to please my wife, I would develop a nice,old, big resentment. They say that you are selffish in your addiction , and I certainly believe that, but you must also be selffish in your recovery, to a point. Asking for support in your recovery is vital and this board is one of the ways to do it. If someone is posting on this board b/c they don't want to let XYZ down, that will only last for a short while.....god bless and stay quit.
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Being accountable to others is important but if you can't be accountable to yourself, first and foremost, you will always fail.
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USAFCCT: I really appeciate the help from everyone on the board but I am not doing this for anyone but myself. I post b/c I want to post and not b/c someone is waiting for my HKS to show up and my number count. I know people care and I believe it but if I was doing this to please my wife, I would develop a nice,old, big resentment. They say that you are selffish in your addiction , and I certainly believe that, but you must also be selffish in your recovery, to a point. Asking for support in your recovery is vital and this board is one of the ways to do it. If someone is posting on this board b/c they don't want to let XYZ down, that will only last for a short while.....god bless and stay quit.
I disagree - at least from my standpoint - if we allow an addition to control us then we obviously do not have any respect or accountability for ourselves. By being members on this site we have stated that we have an addiction that is controlling us are looking for help. If, by posting roll on this site, we do not dip solely because we don't want to let XYZ down - then great - it stopped us from doing something we otherwise wouldn't have any control over for the day. I can tell you that I would not have made it to day 4 except for the fact that I posted roll (late in the afternoon because I was thinking about caving). If need to lean on somebody because I can't do it for myself right now - then so be it. Because after that time comes when I realize I have my own strength can do this for myself, then I will be there for others to lean on. I'm hoping that they will have enough respect for me to post roll every day even if they are quitting just because they don't want to let me down. If that gets them to a point where they are stronger able to quit for themselves then maybe it will be a life saved that otherwise could have been lost.
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I agree with what you have said but I struggle with the idea that someone is trying to please XYZ on the board. I do agree with you and realize that everyone is different and their motivational factors are different too.
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If, by posting roll on this site, we do not dip solely because we don't want to let XYZ down - then great - it stopped us from doing something we otherwise wouldn't have any control over for the day. ( yes we do have control over this, don't use the substance ) Granted, easier said than done.
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Why is it that it matters about posting? At work, outside the door you can see a gas station. They sell chew any kind you want. The first couple of days on this site I would walk out the and look at that gas station thinking I should go get a can. But I did not because I put my name on this list with people I do not really know. They would not know if I did but I did not. Why it works I am not sure whether for me or for you guys. I just know it works so far for me.
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duplicate
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it is great that everyone is posting and supporting each other but my thought was that if I cave, and just speaking for myself, I take full responsibility for it and know that I am soley responsible for my failure to live up to myself. The accountability factor to the site is second and distant. Granted I would feel bad but I only let myself down.
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Being accountable to others is important but if you can't be accountable to yourself, first and foremost, you will always fail.
Relying on your ability to be accountable to yourself let you down last time - why do you feel this time will be different? Go back and read USAFCCT's post - of course you have to be accountable to yourself, but are you strong enough to go that extra step and give your word to this group that you won't dip and then live up to your word? Sure, you're accountable to yourself, you've come this far - but if all you're going to do is come to this site for some help when you're weak than what value do YOU bring to this group?
This site works because every morning I wake up and the first thing on my mind is posting. That if I don't post, someone will notice and will want to know where I've been and if I caved. If I caved I would let those around me down, the guys I've been giving my word to everyday would know my word was no good - and that should damn well motivate you.
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you are right, i guess I am having a difficult time with doing all this on the computer. I almost feal like I am hiding behind this computer. it can be so impersonal. This being my first true quit, i have included most of my family and friends and it has been going well. All of the posters have made great points and I know everyone is different, its really this whole hidden computer thing. it sucks, but it is better than no support at all.
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Grimace8777, if you can quit for 9 months, you can surely do it again. Look at your cave as a bump in the road and get back on track. Post every day and rely on your quit brothers for additional support.
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I agree with what you have said but I struggle with the idea that someone is trying to please XYZ on the board. I do agree with you and realize that everyone is different and their motivational factors are different too.
Posting roll isn't about "pleasing" anyone. It's about a group coming together and supporting each other in a battle against an addiction.
This place works because of accountability, plain and simple. To oneself, and to your fellow quitters. It only works if someone is an honest person that is able to keep their word. You must have integrity, and be trustworthy. If someone doesn't keep their word, their failure and/or dishonesty only hurts themselves. A quitter fails only if he chooses to.
I'm not here to please other quitters. I am here to stand with them against a common enemy, and support them through the dark days. I also come here for support in my fight with this addiction. I give my word, and I keep my word. As long as I do that, I will not fail.
Are you able to say the same thing?
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Totally Agree. I am here to be totally honest and to support others and myself with our addictions. Plain and Simple. You are right. Its too bad that this can't really be done more so in person, like an AA meeting. :D
Thank you to everyone for thier responses.
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Grimace8777, if you can quit for 9 months, you can surely do it again. Look at your cave as a bump in the road and get back on track. Post every day and rely on your quit brothers for additional support.
I can do it again and I will do it again right now. I just never realized before how powerful the addiction really is. 9 months later my mind manages to tell me it's ok to have one. I thought I could handle it, well I can't and that is very apparent to me now. I don't want anything to have that much control over my life, have grinded out 4 days so far, one day at a time I'll post everyday.
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Totally Agree. I am here to be totally honest and to support others and myself with our addictions. Plain and Simple. You are right. Its too bad that this can't really be done more so in person, like an AA meeting. :D
Thank you to everyone for thier responses.
There are quitters all over the country, find someone close to you and get in contact with them...call, pm, e-mail.....set a personal meet with them, do that and I promise that your quit will be strong, invest in your quit, invest in someone elses quit.
there are quitter get togethers in the Wildcard section and a where are you from forum as well
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Thanks for your input. I sent an e-mail to another guy from the area and added to the NYC get-together thread about setting something up.
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Hello fellow quit brothers and sisters, I have a slight issue and I'm wondering what others experience has been. I am 21 days quit right now, very commited posting role everyday and scared shitless! Every little bump, discomfort, chapped lips, etc I'm constantly fearing this is it I've finally got the big C.
This is good from the sense that I will NEVER forget how I feel right now making my quit stronger than I could have ever imagined. However, the paranoia is not healthy I don't think. I notice people posting up that around 20 days there sores are starting to heal, seems like I get one it's gone a few days later just for another one to show up. Even in spots where I never held a dip. Help a brother out and let me know if this has happened to you? Advice is greatly appreciated!
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Everyone is different. It took me a good 30 -40 days. Do yourself a favor. Schedule yourself a dentist apointment to get a good once over. It will give you piece of mind.
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Your mouth is still going through a ton of changes after years of abuse....its healing. Anything in the 30 days can most likely be attributed to quitting. If you are concerned, get it checked out. From what I've seen here (on this forum), you are most likely fine.
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Everyone is different. It took me a good 30 -40 days. Do yourself a favor. Schedule yourself a dentist apointment to get a good once over. It will give you piece of mind.
Indeed everyone is differant. And yes...schedule you an appointment at the dentist during the second month.
I never had any of the sores. But I did have 100% of the crazy. Hour long gum inspections. Constantly thinking I had cancer. Crazy shit.
Like my wife told me multiple times...
"God doesn't want to screw you that bad. You are not going to quit and then get cancer the next week."
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agree. everyone is different. Stay quit and read as much as you can and when you finish, read it again.............never stop learning about your addiction B)
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Thank you guys, I can't tell you how much I appreciate the support of this site. I thought I could quit alone in the past and I was wrong, I get it this time, I'm an addict and I always will be. Makes me crazy thinking about it but just these simple words so far have helped calm me a bit.
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The Nic Bitch doesn't give up easily. We're here to help you. In fact, we're counting on you...you quit makes us stronger.
Failure is not an option when life is on the line. Stay strong.
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My brother, I had sores in my mouth in week 2. Then nothing for the next two weeks. Then, just when I'm thinking all that had past, my mouth felt like I've been chewing hornets. All these guys are right. Get checked out. It is almost definitely nothing, but you will feel better just knowing. Also here is a little tip: rinse and gargle with hydrogen peroxide, it helps a bit. Keep it up, you are doing GREAT!
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Hey all you quitters out there! I thought it was time to give a quick update regarding life 300 days +. I am writing in hopes somebody gains some insight into the whole process of quitting. First off a few years ago I never thought this was even possible. I looked at people who quit and thought they just didn't like tobacco as much as I did. I made every excuse in the book as to why now wasn't a good time and why it would be better 6 months from now. I had even at times written myself off as doomed to die of mouth cancer. I had no idea what it meant to truly be an addict. Because you see I am an addict, a nic junkie who with the slightest misstep would fine his way right back with a dip in my mouth.
I am writing this because I'm living proof along with many more vets before me that it is possible and this website if used correctly can help you get there. Here is how my progression went.
Day 1-20 holy shit I never as long as I live on earth ever want to go thru that time again. Anytime I even think about chew I think back to these days. Truly horrible, I made it thru like many of you day by day sometimes minute by minute. Stay super close to the site get on chat read hof speeches. Hell look at some cancer pics for additional support!
Day 20-50 mentally hard! Still sometimes going minute to minute. Wondering if this feeling is ever going away. I would often tell myself if you want a chew in 20 min you can have one as cravings never last that long. But this is the grind time, you're laying the groundwork here every time you beat that bitch back she comes back a little less strong. You are winning! Even though it still blows!
Day 50-80 not too shabby still craving but things have gotten better not great but I would get a half a day without that bitch on my back.
Day 80-120 I don't know what the fuck happened here for me but it was like I reverted back! Things were hard, people hitting the hall but I feel like shit! WTF is it worth it? Will I ever feel normal again? This is the nic bitch last ditch effort! Stay strong remember where you have come from. Tell your group you feel like shit and most importantly keep posting!!
Day 120-150 phew got thru that bs just the daily commitment now. Man life seems to be getting good im feeling free!
Day 150-200 life is good! Finally I'm here this is what I've been waiting for!!! But I'm still posting daily. The bitch lurks but it's subtle and nowhere near as hard.
Day 200-300 I've beaten the bitch down and now go days without even thinking about it! I understand my addiction, I still post daily and there is no fucking way I'm letting my group down. If I stop posting they will notice, they have my number and I have theirs. It's never over but you will feel freedom I promise!
March 2011 you guys and rocket are fucking awesome thanks for everything I am free now. The bitch lurks but I feel empowered and in control!!!
You can too!!
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Congrats on your faithful climb , and solid quit to the third floor , excellent testimony! Keep up the fight Grimace! Proud to be quit with you. nico
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I quit with you...as I will tomorrow as well.
Nice work bro.
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I quit with you...as I will tomorrow as well.
Nice work bro.
:)
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Congrats and great post. But now is the hard part...staying quit. The nic bitch will continue to lurk, hunting trips, guys nights, sports bars, road trips, etc. It is much easier to deal with the craves, but it is crazy the way they keep coming after random triggers.
This site is also full of testimonials from folks who thought they were out of the dark a year or two ago, or quit for six months back when blah, blah,....
I quit for a full 9 months in 1998, only to go back to the can for "just one"...that lasted until 2010. I knew better, but I did it "just to see" or maybe because I thought "I could handle it."
Now, I know I can't let my guard down...not for anything. I need this site, I need the December 2010 Guard, I need all the help I can get. We're kicking the Nic Bitch's ass one day at a time.
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Bean, I hear ya man. I understand that I'm vulnerable at all times that's why I'm here posting daily. You're absolutely right it's never over.