KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: Krusty on January 28, 2014, 01:40:00 PM
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Mind is racing, tough to concentrate, and nervous just thinking about not dipping when the usual urges / times of day arrive today. Got an acupuncture treatment last evening and have another one this afternoon -- hoping (praying?) that some sort of physical act in the first few days will convince myself that this is for real and not yet another half-baked attempt that will fall flat on its face when the first significant urge / opportunity / excuse / justification arrives. Just stumbled upon this site and want / expect it to be a crutch. If any HOFers or veterans are out there that can direct me to Roll Call and any other highly recommended posts / diversions, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks all.
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Read this: index.php?showforum=13 (http://forum.killthecan.org/index.php?showforum=13)
It explains the hows, whys and such of roll call. Our mission? To quit today.
Read and then....I want your name on that roll call. Promise me you will quit today? We will work together on today. We will worry about tomorrow when the time comes.
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Stand up and breath in the air. Go outside and take deep breaths. You are alive and you are free. You will crawl through a river of shit for the next 3-4 days, but you can do it. You are a free man.
You will not be ruled by a little can of dog shit. Make the choice, make your promise for today, honor your word, and be FREE!!!
Drink water, exercise, chomp on seeds, gum, whatever. Take some naps. You can do it. Tell your wife what is going on.
Read all the intros, HOF speeches, and for goodness' sake post roll with your group, May 2014.
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Read everything on this website. Learn about your addiction and why you feel like this. Learn about how bad nicotine truly is for you. Learn how to post roll and make some friends.
58 days ago I felt exactly like your post. Now I am free. So are you. Welcome. You are in the right place.
PB
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Stand up and breath in the air. Go outside and take deep breaths. You are alive and you are free. You will crawl through a river of shit for the next 3-4 days, but you can do it. You are a free man.
You will not be ruled by a little can of dog shit. Make the choice, make your promise for today, honor your word, and be FREE!!!
Drink water, exercise, chomp on seeds, gum, whatever. Take some naps. You can do it. Tell your wife what is going on.
Read all the intros, HOF speeches, and for goodness' sake post roll with your group, May 2014.
Well krusty you can do it and it will most likely suck worse than most anything you've done before. We like remembering the suck it's another motivation. Once your name is on the May 14 roll call let the shit begin because if your a man of your word you won't break the promise.
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Thanks for the quick response -- incredibly reassuring to know there's a no-BS community out there that can relate to the state of mind I'm in right now. And can appreciate the extraordinary fear of falling back to old devices, justifications, etc. My mind is probably operating at 10% capacity (which isn't saying much), but I think I successfully joined posted roll to the May 2014 group. If not, feel free to e-slap me and/or tell me what I missed. Thanks brothers.
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Thanks for the quick response -- incredibly reassuring to know there's a no-BS community out there that can relate to the state of mind I'm in right now. And can appreciate the extraordinary fear of falling back to old devices, justifications, etc. My mind is probably operating at 10% capacity (which isn't saying much), but I think I successfully joined posted roll to the May 2014 group. If not, feel free to e-slap me and/or tell me what I missed. Thanks brothers.
your name is on there Krusty, good enough even though you fucked iit up. It counts and your on the hook. No nicotine today.
Congrats on quitting brother!!!!!!
hheahahehahaehehahaaaahahah ------------------Krusty the Klown laugh
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Thanks for the quick response -- incredibly reassuring to know there's a no-BS community out there that can relate to the state of mind I'm in right now. And can appreciate the extraordinary fear of falling back to old devices, justifications, etc. My mind is probably operating at 10% capacity (which isn't saying much), but I think I successfully joined posted roll to the May 2014 group. If not, feel free to e-slap me and/or tell me what I missed. Thanks brothers.
Welcome Krusty,
I'll repeat what others have said, check out the welcome center and read, read, read all you can here. You will find a story somewhere that you could swear was you.
Post roll every day, I fixed your post today. Don't worry you'll get the hang of it the first few days will suck as the thick fog of your physical withdrawal from nicotine. Drink plenty of water and find some sunflower seeds, candy, gum, whatever floats your boat. Just remember, No Nicotine in any form.
Check your inbox for number, text or call before you decide to put the poison in your mouth or just for support. Make contacts early, they will save your quit down the road.
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Drink the kool-aide and follow the KTC path! It works. No doubt quitting nicotine is super hard, but the more you quit the better it gets. Listen to the advice already given and read everything here. PM me if you need anything.
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Don't worry about screwing up Roll Call. I think I fucked it up 3 or 4 days straight...maybe more? But, you're NIC FREE. And that is all that matters.
Here's another thought...don't "hope" you can quit. Just quit.
Also, turn the anxiety to exhileration. Shit, just hearing up your quit fires me up. You're living free, brother. YOU GOT THIS!!!
Now quit fucking up our Roll Call. :P
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Thanks for the quick response -- incredibly reassuring to know there's a no-BS community out there that can relate to the state of mind I'm in right now. And can appreciate the extraordinary fear of falling back to old devices, justifications, etc. My mind is probably operating at 10% capacity (which isn't saying much), but I think I successfully joined posted roll to the May 2014 group. If not, feel free to e-slap me and/or tell me what I missed. Thanks brothers.
You fucking bad ass you!!!! Posting roll and everything!!! Hey guess what you don't have to worry about falling back on old devices anymore,,,,, nope you posted roll,, and being the (man for your word) that you are means that your quit is safe! Your mind may go a little crazy but you can't use,,,, no,,,,,, you gave us your word that you wouldn't for any reason use any from of nicotine today. ODAAT here so post roll early and keep your word! We are quitting with you in every second, every minute, every hour of every day!
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Krusty, I quit with you today too. Posting roll is your word you won't use nicotine. We are counting on you just like you are us. If I may, I will say let's get fired up about your quit. Every time nic wants to kill you and you battle it away that is a win in your corner. Be proud of that. Be proud of you. We will prop you up but you are the winner. Let's kick some ass together.
Mogul
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It's been a little more than 30 hours since my last (and by "last", I mean "final", if my commitment and support of the brotherhood has anything to say about it) plug of poisonous shit, and wanted to thank you guys again for welcoming me with open arms, both on the forum and separately. I mentioned it to a couple of you, and thought it was worth repeating (mostly so I can see with my own eyes): after 20+ years of Copie, starting in earnest in college, beyond graduation, coming with me to four cities that have been called home, through a few girlfriends, and now an encouraging wife and innocent 3-yr old son, I am done with the shit. The amount of money that I pissed away for the addiction is enough to make me feel like I cheated my family financially -- nevermind the sneaky late nights making my girlfriend-then-wife sleep alone, having a sly dip while playing with my son at the playground, and looking for any BS excuse to run errands so I could stuff my mouth with the shit. I know there will be many more posts as I continue to process and reflect upon what a slippery slope a "cool" Bandit 20+ years quickly became, and I appreciate the brotherhood's comments, similar stories, perspectives, etc.
This will be a long road, one that has no end, but daily options / temptations to take an ill-advised (and well marked) fork that leads to a dead end. I look forward to following the well-beaten path of men far stronger than me and swapping stories during the shared journey.
Thanks again, brothers. Day two: bring it, bitch.
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Sounds a lot like me and you have a lot in common. Great to have you.
Let's make this quit a little easier on you. Don't worry about final quit/forever/infinity and beyond. Just quit today.
One day at a time and you can have back a lot of what the poison has stolen. Going to have to chalk the money up as a loss, can't get that back. Quit with you today my friend.
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It's been a little more than 30 hours since my last (and by "last", I mean "final", if my commitment and support of the brotherhood has anything to say about it) plug of poisonous shit, and wanted to thank you guys again for welcoming me with open arms, both on the forum and separately. I mentioned it to a couple of you, and thought it was worth repeating (mostly so I can see with my own eyes): after 20+ years of Copie, starting in earnest in college, beyond graduation, coming with me to four cities that have been called home, through a few girlfriends, and now an encouraging wife and innocent 3-yr old son, I am done with the shit. The amount of money that I pissed away for the addiction is enough to make me feel like I cheated my family financially -- nevermind the sneaky late nights making my girlfriend-then-wife sleep alone, having a sly dip while playing with my son at the playground, and looking for any BS excuse to run errands so I could stuff my mouth with the shit. I know there will be many more posts as I continue to process and reflect upon what a slippery slope a "cool" Bandit 20+ years quickly became, and I appreciate the brotherhood's comments, similar stories, perspectives, etc.
This will be a long road, one that has no end, but daily options / temptations to take an ill-advised (and well marked) fork that leads to a dead end. I look forward to following the well-beaten path of men far stronger than me and swapping stories during the shared journey.
Thanks again, brothers. Day two: bring it, bitch.
I like this a lot. Stay focused on today. Enjoy each day of freedom thoroughly here on out. One day at a time. I quit with you today.
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It's been a little more than 30 hours since my last (and by "last", I mean "final", if my commitment and support of the brotherhood has anything to say about it) plug of poisonous shit, and wanted to thank you guys again for welcoming me with open arms, both on the forum and separately. I mentioned it to a couple of you, and thought it was worth repeating (mostly so I can see with my own eyes): after 20+ years of Copie, starting in earnest in college, beyond graduation, coming with me to four cities that have been called home, through a few girlfriends, and now an encouraging wife and innocent 3-yr old son, I am done with the shit. The amount of money that I pissed away for the addiction is enough to make me feel like I cheated my family financially -- nevermind the sneaky late nights making my girlfriend-then-wife sleep alone, having a sly dip while playing with my son at the playground, and looking for any BS excuse to run errands so I could stuff my mouth with the shit. I know there will be many more posts as I continue to process and reflect upon what a slippery slope a "cool" Bandit 20+ years quickly became, and I appreciate the brotherhood's comments, similar stories, perspectives, etc.
This will be a long road, one that has no end, but daily options / temptations to take an ill-advised (and well marked) fork that leads to a dead end. I look forward to following the well-beaten path of men far stronger than me and swapping stories during the shared journey.
Thanks again, brothers. Day two: bring it, bitch.
Been there done that. The time, the time lost and away from our loved ones is a tragedy. But you are reversing that and getting that time back, one hour at a time, one day a time. It's going to suck these first few days. Really suck. But you have taken the right steps. Hang in there, post roll, post messages on your board, and PM if you need a shout out. I quit with you today. ZC.
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Sounds like you have the mindset to quit Krusty. Anger directed at the poison and it's pushers, acknowledgment of the dead end road that is continued using, and a willingness to drink the kool-aide. I also felt from day 1 of my quit that Never Again For Any Reason (NAFAR) mindset, but srans is right to tell you to just worry about today. No need to look to far ahead right now just keep the poison out of your body minute by minute or second by second if need be. Just get through today, and worry about tomorrow when it gets here.
Also, stop thinking that anyone here is "stronger" than you. We were all in the same trap; we all had a day 1. You are just as strong as any of us to get to day 2, and the longer you are quit the better it gets. The bad ass quitters who are fighting the hardest are you newbies. I am quit with you all day.
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Officially 48 hours since I took the final plug of poison from my mouth, and part of me feels absolutely liberated since I'm not hiding anything from anyone, while another part of me feels a little vulnerable with each new confrontation with an old habit. Case in point: I stopped by the usual liquor store this morning to pick up some gum and several bags of seeds (one for car, one for office, one for home, etc.), and heart was racing the whole time, knowing I would have to stare at the display stand of poison when I paid for my stuff. Almost felt like I was trying to buy beer underage -- I knew I was doing something "wrong" (not buying a tin of Copie) and was nervous about getting "busted" (buying the tin at the last second). So when I get to the cash register, the guy behind the counter picks up a tin of Copie (that he set next to the register when I walked in) and asks "This too?" I couldn't get the words out of my mouth fast enough: "No thanks, bro, not today" and practically threw my money at him so I could get out of there before temptation took over. I may need to find a new store for gum seeds.
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Officially 48 hours since I took the final plug of poison from my mouth, and part of me feels absolutely liberated since I'm not hiding anything from anyone, while another part of me feels a little vulnerable with each new confrontation with an old habit. Case in point: I stopped by the usual liquor store this morning to pick up some gum and several bags of seeds (one for car, one for office, one for home, etc.), and heart was racing the whole time, knowing I would have to stare at the display stand of poison when I paid for my stuff. Almost felt like I was trying to buy beer underage -- I knew I was doing something "wrong" (not buying a tin of Copie) and was nervous about getting "busted" (buying the tin at the last second). So when I get to the cash register, the guy behind the counter picks up a tin of Copie (that he set next to the register when I walked in) and asks "This too?" I couldn't get the words out of my mouth fast enough: "No thanks, bro, not today" and practically threw my money at him so I could get out of there before temptation took over. I may need to find a new store for gum seeds.
Hi Krusty
That was an all out victory at the convenience store! You will be stronger for each little victory. One day at a time. So simple. Go get day 3!
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Officially 48 hours since I took the final plug of poison from my mouth, and part of me feels absolutely liberated since I'm not hiding anything from anyone, while another part of me feels a little vulnerable with each new confrontation with an old habit. Case in point: I stopped by the usual liquor store this morning to pick up some gum and several bags of seeds (one for car, one for office, one for home, etc.), and heart was racing the whole time, knowing I would have to stare at the display stand of poison when I paid for my stuff. Almost felt like I was trying to buy beer underage -- I knew I was doing something "wrong" (not buying a tin of Copie) and was nervous about getting "busted" (buying the tin at the last second). So when I get to the cash register, the guy behind the counter picks up a tin of Copie (that he set next to the register when I walked in) and asks "This too?" I couldn't get the words out of my mouth fast enough: "No thanks, bro, not today" and practically threw my money at him so I could get out of there before temptation took over. I may need to find a new store for gum seeds.
Hi Kristy,
That was an all out victory at the convenience store! You will be stronger for each little victory. One day at a time. So simple. Go get day 3!
Krusty,
rdad's right. That was a victory. Stare that dip-rack down. You win!!!!
ZC.
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I am on day 241 of my quit, and when I first quit, I had the same thing happen to me. I told the clerk I was quitting. She told me good luck, and for the next couple of times she would ask me if I was still quit. I would tell her yes. She finally quit asking, and the last time I was in there she asked me how I quit because she wants to quit smoking. Hang in there.
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Here is another possible solution. Don't say a word. Turn around and go to the refrig section. Get one of those cups of yogurt. Walk back to the checkout counter and open the tin of cope. Pour it into the yogurt. Ask for spoon. Stir up concoction. Tell the bitch behind the counter that you will pay for both when she eats all of it. As she looks at your crazy ass go get in your truck and leave. Now, everything you have in your hand is free. And the bonus..............they will never do that agin to you.
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Thanks guys -- great reinforcement. Part of me wants to keep going in there every day to see they forget what a "good" customer I used to be. Of course, the other part of me wants to light them up for inadvertently testing my quit at this early stage. Life's too short -- wish I gave more thought to that when I first put the poison in my mouth.
Early test tomorrow AM with the hour+ drive to a conference, and back again late-morning. Won't be able to post roll until late-morning, but understand that's all I'll be thinking about during the drives when I'd otherwise be doing something else.
Have a great morning, my eastern central time zone brothers.
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Krusty just remember that each time you beat a trigger it will lose power over you. When we were using everything was a trigger! It will all pass someday, but until then have a plan and work it. You have all the power. The poison will not jump out of the can and pack itself in your mouth. Have lots of seeds, gum, candy, fake dip, etc. ready for your drive. You got this, you are winning.
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Krusty just remember that each time you beat a trigger it will lose power over you. When we were using everything was a trigger! It will all pass someday, but until then have a plan and work it. You have all the power. The poison will not jump out of the can and pack itself in your mouth. Have lots of seeds, gum, candy, fake dip, etc. ready for your drive. You got this, you are winning.
Glad to have you krusty. You'll do fine on the car drive. Pop your hood, you won't find anywhere designated for the poison. Same applies to you. Look inside yourself and you'll not find one place the poison was designated for. Don't need it NEVER did! Glad to be quit with you.
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Thanks guys -- great reinforcement. Part of me wants to keep going in there every day to see they forget what a "good" customer I used to be. Of course, the other part of me wants to light them up for inadvertently testing my quit at this early stage. Life's too short -- wish I gave more thought to that when I first put the poison in my mouth.
Early test tomorrow AM with the hour+ drive to a conference, and back again late-morning. Won't be able to post roll until late-morning, but understand that's all I'll be thinking about during the drives when I'd otherwise be doing something else.
Have a great morning, my eastern central time zone brothers.
Text me in the a.m. and I'll post roll for you.
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Thanks guys -- great reinforcement. Part of me wants to keep going in there every day to see they forget what a "good" customer I used to be. Of course, the other part of me wants to light them up for inadvertently testing my quit at this early stage. Life's too short -- wish I gave more thought to that when I first put the poison in my mouth.
Early test tomorrow AM with the hour+ drive to a conference, and back again late-morning. Won't be able to post roll until late-morning, but understand that's all I'll be thinking about during the drives when I'd otherwise be doing something else.
Have a great morning, my eastern central time zone brothers.
I am quitting with you too Krusty... I know what you mean with the clerk at the convience store... I had the same happen when I first quit (every other day I would stop in for 2 cans).
Feels so good to be able to stand in front of that demon and just say no.
I got your back man... If you ever feel week just give me a holler!
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Thanks guys -- great reinforcement. Part of me wants to keep going in there every day to see they forget what a "good" customer I used to be. Of course, the other part of me wants to light them up for inadvertently testing my quit at this early stage. Life's too short -- wish I gave more thought to that when I first put the poison in my mouth.
Early test tomorrow AM with the hour+ drive to a conference, and back again late-morning. Won't be able to post roll until late-morning, but understand that's all I'll be thinking about during the drives when I'd otherwise be doing something else.
Have a great morning, my eastern central time zone brothers.
I am quitting with you too Krusty... I know what you mean with the clerk at the convience store... I had the same happen when I first quit (every other day I would stop in for 2 cans).
Feels so good to be able to stand in front of that demon and just say no.
I got your back man... If you ever feel week just give me a holler!
Nice work fellas. Way to keep each other's backs. Also, suggest you trade digits if you haven't already. Let's rev those quits into high gear! ZC.
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Happy / relieved to report that the drive to/from the conference was free of unwanted incidents. Not including, of course, the minivan that caught fire on the side of the freeway -- that looked pretty miserable. But I digress... Big thanks to Mogul for spotting for me on roll call while I was driving, as well as my brothers in May 2014 Quit Group for offering similar assistance and general encouragement. Another day, another confirmation that I don't need the poison to function -- and more importantly, starting to believe that I legitimately don't want it as part of my daily existence either.
Got back to the office from the conference and one of my buddies at work was still here. He's usually chomping seeds -- we've never talked about it, but he's got all the markings of a dipper at some point in his past. Stopped by to chat with him for a bit and was stunned to see the seed spitter replaced with the real deal. Obviously didn't call him out on it or get preachy, but I'll be damned if there isn't a test of my quit around every corner, whether blatantly in front of me or in the background. I don't expect the test to ever go away, just grateful that I could fire off several PMs to some brothers to take my mind off the in-your-face reminder of the past 20 years.
Hope everyone has a good night, and thanks again to the guys who got my back / gave a shout out today.
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Happy / relieved to report that the drive to/from the conference was free of unwanted incidents. Not including, of course, the minivan that caught fire on the side of the freeway -- that looked pretty miserable. But I digress... Big thanks to Mogul for spotting for me on roll call while I was driving, as well as my brothers in May 2014 Quit Group for offering similar assistance and general encouragement. Another day, another confirmation that I don't need the poison to function -- and more importantly, starting to believe that I legitimately don't want it as part of my daily existence either.
Got back to the office from the conference and one of my buddies at work was still here. He's usually chomping seeds -- we've never talked about it, but he's got all the markings of a dipper at some point in his past. Stopped by to chat with him for a bit and was stunned to see the seed spitter replaced with the real deal. Obviously didn't call him out on it or get preachy, but I'll be damned if there isn't a test of my quit around every corner, whether blatantly in front of me or in the background. I don't expect the test to ever go away, just grateful that I could fire off several PMs to some brothers to take my mind off the in-your-face reminder of the past 20 years.
Hope everyone has a good night, and thanks again to the guys who got my back / gave a shout out today.
Nice job Krusty.
You are right... you will be tested daily. Know that and accept it as reality. You just proved that you can get thru a stressful day not use the poison weed. You just don't need it to function.
Nice job posting roll for day 4 today.
Stay focused on today. ODAAT. You are doing great. Quit on!
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My first day on this site and I can't figure out how to post roll call. Can someone help me out please?
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My first day on this site and I can't figure out how to post roll call. Can someone help me out please?
Check your inbox, top right rail Paul
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My first day on this site and I can't figure out how to post roll call. Can someone help me out please?
Check your inbox, top right rail Paul
Krusty, I read you pm and You've got the right attitude. There is no way out if the pain,,,, you've poisoned yourself for awhile and your body is confused and pissed off that your no longer feeding it's addiction. As I said in my pm and will tell you when you call me today, embrace this pain and try to remember every shifty moment of it, as it will remind you later just how negative the nicotine affected your body and how you never want to have to go through that again. Call me.
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Krusty, you are killing it man! Start hating the poison for sure. You never needed it! The poison is all lies. Keep fighting. Keep reading, and keep reaching out. You have lots of bad ass quitters in your corner, and we mean it when we say PM, txt, or call if you need us. You sir are owning your quit. Keep doing what you are doing. I will be quit with you all day.
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This is a long overdue post, particularly given the sidebar discussions with some outstanding guys over the past few days. I'm learning a lot, both about the power of and relationships in KTC, and about myself -- specifically the degree to which my life was absolutely controlled by nicotine (and still is, based on the roller coaster ride the past week has been).
More than a few seasoned quitters recommended reading their intros in the early days, pointing out that the intro morphed from a "this is who I am" to "this is what I'm going through". Basically a journal of the quit. Life gets hectic but given that this is an issue that affects my life -- in more ways than one -- making regular contributions is important. That said, a quick summary of my first week of quit:
First three days were a combination of euphoria and eager anticipation that this time, unlike the three times that I "tried" in the past 20-odd years, would be different. [Note: this conviction remains resolute with me, since KTC is the biggest variable that wasn't at my fingertips in the past.] I followed advice to drink water by the bucketful, loaded up on gum seeds everyplace where I'd be tempted, and managed to restart a regular exercise routine.
My sleep patterns were brutal: waking up in cold sweats, having crazy surreal dreams (not about dip, but presumably caused by the lack of nicotine feeding my system), and only getting a handful of hours a night.
Cravings were generally manageable, but on Day 1 was definitely fidgety and had limited patience. Or was just being a jackass. Probably the latter.
Could not concentrate on one damn thing for more than 5 mins, at best, for first four days.
Last Friday (Day 4) was a beast. Physically I was good. Psychologically I was a mess. In reading the posts, backgrounds, and lengths of quit of a bunch of incredible KTC veterans, I felt like I was sitting in rowboat with one broken oar and being encouraged by a great group of guys on the other side of the ocean that I could make it across. And that a hurricane was bearing down on me. Fuck me.
Ultimately some rational thinking returned, all in the form of reassuring comments and shared experiences / pain from guys with more days under their belt than I can count -- and some eerily similar recollections in the intros of guys that have been at this for a couple of months, and still a bit "raw" from the ordeal.
A dull headache has persisted since Friday.
All in all, the nic bitch has a pretty good arsenal to throw at me.
And that bitch is going down.
For the guys that were there when I reached out for help, I can't thank you enough (or apologize enough for distracting you from your weekends with a newbie stranger like me). For those whose stories made me shake my head in awe, I will be reaching out soon. And for the newest newbies, I look forward to connecting in the coming days -- hopefully your entire quit is a cakewalk, but if it's anything like mine thus far, let's fight together.
--MCC
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Nice post Krusty, and I'm glad to step in a support a quitter that is giving it his all like you are. Keep it up! This is a tough battle and the addiction is ridiculously evil, but the thousands of quitters here are proof that you can quit successfully here by following the program. And it's clear you are doing that! Looking at your thread here, I think you are going to be happy with the record if you keep logging your experiences, so it's good that you are doing it that way. I' have done the same thing, and it really is helpful as a reference.
Keep quitting on!
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This is a long overdue post, particularly given the sidebar discussions with some outstanding guys over the past few days. I'm learning a lot, both about the power of and relationships in KTC, and about myself -- specifically the degree to which my life was absolutely controlled by nicotine (and still is, based on the roller coaster ride the past week has been).
More than a few seasoned quitters recommended reading their intros in the early days, pointing out that the intro morphed from a "this is who I am" to "this is what I'm going through". Basically a journal of the quit. Life gets hectic but given that this is an issue that affects my life -- in more ways than one -- making regular contributions is important. That said, a quick summary of my first week of quit:
First three days were a combination of euphoria and eager anticipation that this time, unlike the three times that I "tried" in the past 20-odd years, would be different. [Note: this conviction remains resolute with me, since KTC is the biggest variable that wasn't at my fingertips in the past.] I followed advice to drink water by the bucketful, loaded up on gum seeds everyplace where I'd be tempted, and managed to restart a regular exercise routine.
My sleep patterns were brutal: waking up in cold sweats, having crazy surreal dreams (not about dip, but presumably caused by the lack of nicotine feeding my system), and only getting a handful of hours a night.
Cravings were generally manageable, but on Day 1 was definitely fidgety and had limited patience. Or was just being a jackass. Probably the latter.
Could not concentrate on one damn thing for more than 5 mins, at best, for first four days.
Last Friday (Day 4) was a beast. Physically I was good. Psychologically I was a mess. In reading the posts, backgrounds, and lengths of quit of a bunch of incredible KTC veterans, I felt like I was sitting in rowboat with one broken oar and being encouraged by a great group of guys on the other side of the ocean that I could make it across. And that a hurricane was bearing down on me. Fuck me.
Ultimately some rational thinking returned, all in the form of reassuring comments and shared experiences / pain from guys with more days under their belt than I can count -- and some eerily similar recollections in the intros of guys that have been at this for a couple of months, and still a bit "raw" from the ordeal.
A dull headache has persisted since Friday.
All in all, the nic bitch has a pretty good arsenal to throw at me.
And that bitch is going down.
For the guys that were there when I reached out for help, I can't thank you enough (or apologize enough for distracting you from your weekends with a newbie stranger like me). For those whose stories made me shake my head in awe, I will be reaching out soon. And for the newest newbies, I look forward to connecting in the coming days -- hopefully your entire quit is a cakewalk, but if it's anything like mine thus far, let's fight together.
--MCC
Keep it up Krusty, you have the right attitude. Keep learning about nicotine addiction and keep learning what the big tobacco companies are willing to do to keep you and your loved ones addicted.
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Far too long since the last contribution to Krusty's Quit Journal, but not for lack of focus on my quit. This entry is not meant to mark any milestone, either -- a lot of guys have reached out with congrats on reaching 50 today, and that strengthens my resolve and proves that "the system" works. If I wasn't building a support network over the past seven weeks, however, my phone wouldn't have been lighting up all day, and I would have been cheating myself -- and today posed no test to my quit, thankfully.
I'm not so naive to think that the future is all butterflies and rainbows, and I've been amazed at some of the shit that other people have been juggling both early and well into their quits, yet their commitment has been unwavering. I've been fortunate that the physical side of my quit has been manageable. Mentally was a bit more challenging early-on, particularly when I lost sight of ODAAT and got overwhelmed thinking about "forever". While HOF is in the back of my mind, it only represents a number, some words of reflection, and commemoration with the guys in my immediate circle. Life goes on the next day, and it's back to ODAAT, regardless of how many days are behind it.
Sharing a bit more about myself and my reserved view about HOF: the last meaningful time I took a break from my addiction to Copenhagen was one year before I got married to my beautiful (and wonderfully patient) wife, which was mid-2006 to mid-2007. She was a social smoker at the time, and I was then as I am now: completely beholden to nicotine. We made a pact that we would both stop using our respective nicotine products for the year before our wedding, to "enjoy" the engagement period with a healthy lifestyle or something. But really it was because we also agreed that on the night of the wedding reception, we would allow ourselves to let loose and get reacquainted with our old nicotine friends.
So, we kept our word to each other and stayed clean for one year. And at the party after our reception, she bummed a cigarette from some of her friends, and I tore into a tin of Copenhagen like a wild animal deprived of food for weeks. Kept it in / refreshed it well into the early morning hours. Couldn't have been happier -- had just celebrated the happiest day of my life, was in the company of closest friends and family, was in an amazing location, and I had a massive fatty in my mouth. When everyone started peeling off for bed, my new bride said she wanted to "go to bed", too. And what did her new loving husband do, upon being presented with the quintessential wedding night opportunity?
You guessed it: put in a fresh lipper and hung out with college buddies to fill up our spitters some more.
Fucking jackass.
I think that's why I'm trying to avoid ascribing too much importance to HOF, at least in my case: the last time I stopped using for any comparable length of time, I rewarded myself with a cave, and embraced it. I was counting down the days to my cave, for crying out loud. Since that planned cave, every effort to stop using was a pathetic attempt to appease my wife's concerns about my health, our future together, and the impact my dipping was having on our relationship. And deep down, in every case, I knew I wasn't going to keep any promise to stop dipping.
So here I am. 50 days into my quit. And I'm counting down the days to have a massive helping of more quit, with gravy. Fucking jackass.
-
Far too long since the last contribution to Krusty's Quit Journal, but not for lack of focus on my quit. This entry is not meant to mark any milestone, either -- a lot of guys have reached out with congrats on reaching 50 today, and that strengthens my resolve and proves that "the system" works. If I wasn't building a support network over the past seven weeks, however, my phone wouldn't have been lighting up all day, and I would have been cheating myself -- and today posed no test to my quit, thankfully.
I'm not so naive to think that the future is all butterflies and rainbows, and I've been amazed at some of the shit that other people have been juggling both early and well into their quits, yet their commitment has been unwavering. I've been fortunate that the physical side of my quit has been manageable. Mentally was a bit more challenging early-on, particularly when I lost sight of ODAAT and got overwhelmed thinking about "forever". While HOF is in the back of my mind, it only represents a number, some words of reflection, and commemoration with the guys in my immediate circle. Life goes on the next day, and it's back to ODAAT, regardless of how many days are behind it.
Sharing a bit more about myself and my reserved view about HOF: the last meaningful time I took a break from my addiction to Copenhagen was one year before I got married to my beautiful (and wonderfully patient) wife, which was mid-2006 to mid-2007. She was a social smoker at the time, and I was then as I am now: completely beholden to nicotine. We made a pact that we would both stop using our respective nicotine products for the year before our wedding, to "enjoy" the engagement period with a healthy lifestyle or something. But really it was because we also agreed that on the night of the wedding reception, we would allow ourselves to let loose and get reacquainted with our old nicotine friends.
So, we kept our word to each other and stayed clean for one year. And at the party after our reception, she bummed a cigarette from some of her friends, and I tore into a tin of Copenhagen like a wild animal deprived of food for weeks. Kept it in / refreshed it well into the early morning hours. Couldn't have been happier -- had just celebrated the happiest day of my life, was in the company of closest friends and family, was in an amazing location, and I had a massive fatty in my mouth. When everyone started peeling off for bed, my new bride said she wanted to "go to bed", too. And what did her new loving husband do, upon being presented with the quintessential wedding night opportunity?
You guessed it: put in a fresh lipper and hung out with college buddies to fill up our spitters some more.
Fucking jackass.
I think that's why I'm trying to avoid ascribing too much importance to HOF, at least in my case: the last time I stopped using for any comparable length of time, I rewarded myself with a cave, and embraced it. I was counting down the days to my cave, for crying out loud. Since that planned cave, every effort to stop using was a pathetic attempt to appease my wife's concerns about my health, our future together, and the impact my dipping was having on our relationship. And deep down, in every case, I knew I wasn't going to keep any promise to stop dipping.
So here I am. 50 days into my quit. And I'm counting down the days to have a massive helping of more quit, with gravy. Fucking jackass.
Yeah the terminus isn't the objective here, it's the journey for as many consecutive 24 hr periods as possible. Thanks for sharing.
-
Far too long since the last contribution to Krusty's Quit Journal, but not for lack of focus on my quit. This entry is not meant to mark any milestone, either -- a lot of guys have reached out with congrats on reaching 50 today, and that strengthens my resolve and proves that "the system" works. If I wasn't building a support network over the past seven weeks, however, my phone wouldn't have been lighting up all day, and I would have been cheating myself -- and today posed no test to my quit, thankfully.
I'm not so naive to think that the future is all butterflies and rainbows, and I've been amazed at some of the shit that other people have been juggling both early and well into their quits, yet their commitment has been unwavering. I've been fortunate that the physical side of my quit has been manageable. Mentally was a bit more challenging early-on, particularly when I lost sight of ODAAT and got overwhelmed thinking about "forever". While HOF is in the back of my mind, it only represents a number, some words of reflection, and commemoration with the guys in my immediate circle. Life goes on the next day, and it's back to ODAAT, regardless of how many days are behind it.
Sharing a bit more about myself and my reserved view about HOF: the last meaningful time I took a break from my addiction to Copenhagen was one year before I got married to my beautiful (and wonderfully patient) wife, which was mid-2006 to mid-2007. She was a social smoker at the time, and I was then as I am now: completely beholden to nicotine. We made a pact that we would both stop using our respective nicotine products for the year before our wedding, to "enjoy" the engagement period with a healthy lifestyle or something. But really it was because we also agreed that on the night of the wedding reception, we would allow ourselves to let loose and get reacquainted with our old nicotine friends.
So, we kept our word to each other and stayed clean for one year. And at the party after our reception, she bummed a cigarette from some of her friends, and I tore into a tin of Copenhagen like a wild animal deprived of food for weeks. Kept it in / refreshed it well into the early morning hours. Couldn't have been happier -- had just celebrated the happiest day of my life, was in the company of closest friends and family, was in an amazing location, and I had a massive fatty in my mouth. When everyone started peeling off for bed, my new bride said she wanted to "go to bed", too. And what did her new loving husband do, upon being presented with the quintessential wedding night opportunity?
You guessed it:Â put in a fresh lipper and hung out with college buddies to fill up our spitters some more.
Fucking jackass.
I think that's why I'm trying to avoid ascribing too much importance to HOF, at least in my case: the last time I stopped using for any comparable length of time, I rewarded myself with a cave, and embraced it. I was counting down the days to my cave, for crying out loud. Since that planned cave, every effort to stop using was a pathetic attempt to appease my wife's concerns about my health, our future together, and the impact my dipping was having on our relationship. And deep down, in every case, I knew I wasn't going to keep any promise to stop dipping.
So here I am. 50 days into my quit. And I'm counting down the days to have a massive helping of more quit, with gravy. Fucking jackass.
Yeah the terminus isn't the objective here, it's the journey for as many consecutive 24 hr periods as possible. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing some fresh inspiration for us noobs. It's good to be quitting with you.
-
Far too long since the last contribution to Krusty's Quit Journal, but not for lack of focus on my quit. This entry is not meant to mark any milestone, either -- a lot of guys have reached out with congrats on reaching 50 today, and that strengthens my resolve and proves that "the system" works. If I wasn't building a support network over the past seven weeks, however, my phone wouldn't have been lighting up all day, and I would have been cheating myself -- and today posed no test to my quit, thankfully.
I'm not so naive to think that the future is all butterflies and rainbows, and I've been amazed at some of the shit that other people have been juggling both early and well into their quits, yet their commitment has been unwavering. I've been fortunate that the physical side of my quit has been manageable. Mentally was a bit more challenging early-on, particularly when I lost sight of ODAAT and got overwhelmed thinking about "forever". While HOF is in the back of my mind, it only represents a number, some words of reflection, and commemoration with the guys in my immediate circle. Life goes on the next day, and it's back to ODAAT, regardless of how many days are behind it.
Sharing a bit more about myself and my reserved view about HOF: the last meaningful time I took a break from my addiction to Copenhagen was one year before I got married to my beautiful (and wonderfully patient) wife, which was mid-2006 to mid-2007. She was a social smoker at the time, and I was then as I am now: completely beholden to nicotine. We made a pact that we would both stop using our respective nicotine products for the year before our wedding, to "enjoy" the engagement period with a healthy lifestyle or something. But really it was because we also agreed that on the night of the wedding reception, we would allow ourselves to let loose and get reacquainted with our old nicotine friends.
So, we kept our word to each other and stayed clean for one year. And at the party after our reception, she bummed a cigarette from some of her friends, and I tore into a tin of Copenhagen like a wild animal deprived of food for weeks. Kept it in / refreshed it well into the early morning hours. Couldn't have been happier -- had just celebrated the happiest day of my life, was in the company of closest friends and family, was in an amazing location, and I had a massive fatty in my mouth. When everyone started peeling off for bed, my new bride said she wanted to "go to bed", too. And what did her new loving husband do, upon being presented with the quintessential wedding night opportunity?
You guessed it:Â put in a fresh lipper and hung out with college buddies to fill up our spitters some more.
Fucking jackass.
I think that's why I'm trying to avoid ascribing too much importance to HOF, at least in my case: the last time I stopped using for any comparable length of time, I rewarded myself with a cave, and embraced it. I was counting down the days to my cave, for crying out loud. Since that planned cave, every effort to stop using was a pathetic attempt to appease my wife's concerns about my health, our future together, and the impact my dipping was having on our relationship. And deep down, in every case, I knew I wasn't going to keep any promise to stop dipping.
So here I am. 50 days into my quit. And I'm counting down the days to have a massive helping of more quit, with gravy. Fucking jackass.
Yeah the terminus isn't the objective here, it's the journey for as many consecutive 24 hr periods as possible. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing some fresh inspiration for us noobs. It's good to be quitting with you.
Thanks Krusty.
I'll be right behind you +1.
QLF
-
Far too long since the last contribution to Krusty's Quit Journal, but not for lack of focus on my quit. This entry is not meant to mark any milestone, either -- a lot of guys have reached out with congrats on reaching 50 today, and that strengthens my resolve and proves that "the system" works. If I wasn't building a support network over the past seven weeks, however, my phone wouldn't have been lighting up all day, and I would have been cheating myself -- and today posed no test to my quit, thankfully.
I'm not so naive to think that the future is all butterflies and rainbows, and I've been amazed at some of the shit that other people have been juggling both early and well into their quits, yet their commitment has been unwavering. I've been fortunate that the physical side of my quit has been manageable. Mentally was a bit more challenging early-on, particularly when I lost sight of ODAAT and got overwhelmed thinking about "forever". While HOF is in the back of my mind, it only represents a number, some words of reflection, and commemoration with the guys in my immediate circle. Life goes on the next day, and it's back to ODAAT, regardless of how many days are behind it.
Sharing a bit more about myself and my reserved view about HOF: the last meaningful time I took a break from my addiction to Copenhagen was one year before I got married to my beautiful (and wonderfully patient) wife, which was mid-2006 to mid-2007. She was a social smoker at the time, and I was then as I am now: completely beholden to nicotine. We made a pact that we would both stop using our respective nicotine products for the year before our wedding, to "enjoy" the engagement period with a healthy lifestyle or something. But really it was because we also agreed that on the night of the wedding reception, we would allow ourselves to let loose and get reacquainted with our old nicotine friends.
So, we kept our word to each other and stayed clean for one year. And at the party after our reception, she bummed a cigarette from some of her friends, and I tore into a tin of Copenhagen like a wild animal deprived of food for weeks. Kept it in / refreshed it well into the early morning hours. Couldn't have been happier -- had just celebrated the happiest day of my life, was in the company of closest friends and family, was in an amazing location, and I had a massive fatty in my mouth. When everyone started peeling off for bed, my new bride said she wanted to "go to bed", too. And what did her new loving husband do, upon being presented with the quintessential wedding night opportunity?
You guessed it:Â put in a fresh lipper and hung out with college buddies to fill up our spitters some more.
Fucking jackass.
I think that's why I'm trying to avoid ascribing too much importance to HOF, at least in my case: the last time I stopped using for any comparable length of time, I rewarded myself with a cave, and embraced it. I was counting down the days to my cave, for crying out loud. Since that planned cave, every effort to stop using was a pathetic attempt to appease my wife's concerns about my health, our future together, and the impact my dipping was having on our relationship. And deep down, in every case, I knew I wasn't going to keep any promise to stop dipping.
So here I am. 50 days into my quit. And I'm counting down the days to have a massive helping of more quit, with gravy. Fucking jackass.
Yeah the terminus isn't the objective here, it's the journey for as many consecutive 24 hr periods as possible. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing some fresh inspiration for us noobs. It's good to be quitting with you.
Thanks Krusty.
I'll be right behind you +1.
QLF
Great post Krusty. It's a good reminder that 100 days isn't a magic cure.
-
Far too long since the last contribution to Krusty's Quit Journal, but not for lack of focus on my quit. This entry is not meant to mark any milestone, either -- a lot of guys have reached out with congrats on reaching 50 today, and that strengthens my resolve and proves that "the system" works. If I wasn't building a support network over the past seven weeks, however, my phone wouldn't have been lighting up all day, and I would have been cheating myself -- and today posed no test to my quit, thankfully.
I'm not so naive to think that the future is all butterflies and rainbows, and I've been amazed at some of the shit that other people have been juggling both early and well into their quits, yet their commitment has been unwavering. I've been fortunate that the physical side of my quit has been manageable. Mentally was a bit more challenging early-on, particularly when I lost sight of ODAAT and got overwhelmed thinking about "forever". While HOF is in the back of my mind, it only represents a number, some words of reflection, and commemoration with the guys in my immediate circle. Life goes on the next day, and it's back to ODAAT, regardless of how many days are behind it.
Sharing a bit more about myself and my reserved view about HOF: the last meaningful time I took a break from my addiction to Copenhagen was one year before I got married to my beautiful (and wonderfully patient) wife, which was mid-2006 to mid-2007. She was a social smoker at the time, and I was then as I am now: completely beholden to nicotine. We made a pact that we would both stop using our respective nicotine products for the year before our wedding, to "enjoy" the engagement period with a healthy lifestyle or something. But really it was because we also agreed that on the night of the wedding reception, we would allow ourselves to let loose and get reacquainted with our old nicotine friends.
So, we kept our word to each other and stayed clean for one year. And at the party after our reception, she bummed a cigarette from some of her friends, and I tore into a tin of Copenhagen like a wild animal deprived of food for weeks. Kept it in / refreshed it well into the early morning hours. Couldn't have been happier -- had just celebrated the happiest day of my life, was in the company of closest friends and family, was in an amazing location, and I had a massive fatty in my mouth. When everyone started peeling off for bed, my new bride said she wanted to "go to bed", too. And what did her new loving husband do, upon being presented with the quintessential wedding night opportunity?
You guessed it:Â put in a fresh lipper and hung out with college buddies to fill up our spitters some more.
Fucking jackass.
I think that's why I'm trying to avoid ascribing too much importance to HOF, at least in my case: the last time I stopped using for any comparable length of time, I rewarded myself with a cave, and embraced it. I was counting down the days to my cave, for crying out loud. Since that planned cave, every effort to stop using was a pathetic attempt to appease my wife's concerns about my health, our future together, and the impact my dipping was having on our relationship. And deep down, in every case, I knew I wasn't going to keep any promise to stop dipping.
So here I am. 50 days into my quit. And I'm counting down the days to have a massive helping of more quit, with gravy. Fucking jackass.
Yeah the terminus isn't the objective here, it's the journey for as many consecutive 24 hr periods as possible. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing some fresh inspiration for us noobs. It's good to be quitting with you.
Thanks Krusty.
I'll be right behind you +1.
QLF
Great post Krusty. It's a good reminder that 100 days isn't a magic cure.
Krusty,
I'd like to go back in time and kick you in the nuts on your wedding night. We're all addicts, it's pathetic the things all of us have done to serve the nic bitch. You're just like the rest of us and the rest of us are just like you. Quit with you EDD, my friend.
-
Far too long since the last contribution to Krusty's Quit Journal, but not for lack of focus on my quit. This entry is not meant to mark any milestone, either -- a lot of guys have reached out with congrats on reaching 50 today, and that strengthens my resolve and proves that "the system" works. If I wasn't building a support network over the past seven weeks, however, my phone wouldn't have been lighting up all day, and I would have been cheating myself -- and today posed no test to my quit, thankfully.
I'm not so naive to think that the future is all butterflies and rainbows, and I've been amazed at some of the shit that other people have been juggling both early and well into their quits, yet their commitment has been unwavering. I've been fortunate that the physical side of my quit has been manageable. Mentally was a bit more challenging early-on, particularly when I lost sight of ODAAT and got overwhelmed thinking about "forever". While HOF is in the back of my mind, it only represents a number, some words of reflection, and commemoration with the guys in my immediate circle. Life goes on the next day, and it's back to ODAAT, regardless of how many days are behind it.
Sharing a bit more about myself and my reserved view about HOF: the last meaningful time I took a break from my addiction to Copenhagen was one year before I got married to my beautiful (and wonderfully patient) wife, which was mid-2006 to mid-2007. She was a social smoker at the time, and I was then as I am now: completely beholden to nicotine. We made a pact that we would both stop using our respective nicotine products for the year before our wedding, to "enjoy" the engagement period with a healthy lifestyle or something. But really it was because we also agreed that on the night of the wedding reception, we would allow ourselves to let loose and get reacquainted with our old nicotine friends.
So, we kept our word to each other and stayed clean for one year. And at the party after our reception, she bummed a cigarette from some of her friends, and I tore into a tin of Copenhagen like a wild animal deprived of food for weeks. Kept it in / refreshed it well into the early morning hours. Couldn't have been happier -- had just celebrated the happiest day of my life, was in the company of closest friends and family, was in an amazing location, and I had a massive fatty in my mouth. When everyone started peeling off for bed, my new bride said she wanted to "go to bed", too. And what did her new loving husband do, upon being presented with the quintessential wedding night opportunity?
You guessed it:Â put in a fresh lipper and hung out with college buddies to fill up our spitters some more.
Fucking jackass.
I think that's why I'm trying to avoid ascribing too much importance to HOF, at least in my case: the last time I stopped using for any comparable length of time, I rewarded myself with a cave, and embraced it. I was counting down the days to my cave, for crying out loud. Since that planned cave, every effort to stop using was a pathetic attempt to appease my wife's concerns about my health, our future together, and the impact my dipping was having on our relationship. And deep down, in every case, I knew I wasn't going to keep any promise to stop dipping.
So here I am. 50 days into my quit. And I'm counting down the days to have a massive helping of more quit, with gravy. Fucking jackass.
Yeah the terminus isn't the objective here, it's the journey for as many consecutive 24 hr periods as possible. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing some fresh inspiration for us noobs. It's good to be quitting with you.
Thanks Krusty.
I'll be right behind you +1.
QLF
Great post Krusty. It's a good reminder that 100 days isn't a magic cure.
Krusty,
I'd like to go back in time and kick you in the nuts on your wedding night. We're all addicts, it's pathetic the things all of us have done to serve the nic bitch. You're just like the rest of us and the rest of us are just like you. Quit with you EDD, my friend.
With you Krust...QLF EDD.
-
Far too long since the last contribution to Krusty's Quit Journal, but not for lack of focus on my quit. This entry is not meant to mark any milestone, either -- a lot of guys have reached out with congrats on reaching 50 today, and that strengthens my resolve and proves that "the system" works. If I wasn't building a support network over the past seven weeks, however, my phone wouldn't have been lighting up all day, and I would have been cheating myself -- and today posed no test to my quit, thankfully.
I'm not so naive to think that the future is all butterflies and rainbows, and I've been amazed at some of the shit that other people have been juggling both early and well into their quits, yet their commitment has been unwavering. I've been fortunate that the physical side of my quit has been manageable. Mentally was a bit more challenging early-on, particularly when I lost sight of ODAAT and got overwhelmed thinking about "forever". While HOF is in the back of my mind, it only represents a number, some words of reflection, and commemoration with the guys in my immediate circle. Life goes on the next day, and it's back to ODAAT, regardless of how many days are behind it.
Sharing a bit more about myself and my reserved view about HOF: the last meaningful time I took a break from my addiction to Copenhagen was one year before I got married to my beautiful (and wonderfully patient) wife, which was mid-2006 to mid-2007. She was a social smoker at the time, and I was then as I am now: completely beholden to nicotine. We made a pact that we would both stop using our respective nicotine products for the year before our wedding, to "enjoy" the engagement period with a healthy lifestyle or something. But really it was because we also agreed that on the night of the wedding reception, we would allow ourselves to let loose and get reacquainted with our old nicotine friends.
So, we kept our word to each other and stayed clean for one year. And at the party after our reception, she bummed a cigarette from some of her friends, and I tore into a tin of Copenhagen like a wild animal deprived of food for weeks. Kept it in / refreshed it well into the early morning hours. Couldn't have been happier -- had just celebrated the happiest day of my life, was in the company of closest friends and family, was in an amazing location, and I had a massive fatty in my mouth. When everyone started peeling off for bed, my new bride said she wanted to "go to bed", too. And what did her new loving husband do, upon being presented with the quintessential wedding night opportunity?
You guessed it:Â put in a fresh lipper and hung out with college buddies to fill up our spitters some more.
Fucking jackass.
I think that's why I'm trying to avoid ascribing too much importance to HOF, at least in my case: the last time I stopped using for any comparable length of time, I rewarded myself with a cave, and embraced it. I was counting down the days to my cave, for crying out loud. Since that planned cave, every effort to stop using was a pathetic attempt to appease my wife's concerns about my health, our future together, and the impact my dipping was having on our relationship. And deep down, in every case, I knew I wasn't going to keep any promise to stop dipping.
So here I am. 50 days into my quit. And I'm counting down the days to have a massive helping of more quit, with gravy. Fucking jackass.
Yeah the terminus isn't the objective here, it's the journey for as many consecutive 24 hr periods as possible. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing some fresh inspiration for us noobs. It's good to be quitting with you.
Thanks Krusty.
I'll be right behind you +1.
QLF
Great post Krusty. It's a good reminder that 100 days isn't a magic cure.
Krusty,
I'd like to go back in time and kick you in the nuts on your wedding night. We're all addicts, it's pathetic the things all of us have done to serve the nic bitch. You're just like the rest of us and the rest of us are just like you. Quit with you EDD, my friend.
With you Krust...QLF EDD.
Roger that on the HOF. While it is a nice even number to make into a quit milestone, I'm also playing down it's significance with regard to my quit. For me, reaching the HOF is just another confirmation that I CAN quit (which I already know now...and will continue to know well after the HOF). If my only sign that I hit the HOF on that day is a faint female voice in the back of my head "floor 2....going up", that's fine with me.
-
Far too long since the last contribution to Krusty's Quit Journal, but not for lack of focus on my quit. This entry is not meant to mark any milestone, either -- a lot of guys have reached out with congrats on reaching 50 today, and that strengthens my resolve and proves that "the system" works. If I wasn't building a support network over the past seven weeks, however, my phone wouldn't have been lighting up all day, and I would have been cheating myself -- and today posed no test to my quit, thankfully.
I'm not so naive to think that the future is all butterflies and rainbows, and I've been amazed at some of the shit that other people have been juggling both early and well into their quits, yet their commitment has been unwavering. I've been fortunate that the physical side of my quit has been manageable. Mentally was a bit more challenging early-on, particularly when I lost sight of ODAAT and got overwhelmed thinking about "forever". While HOF is in the back of my mind, it only represents a number, some words of reflection, and commemoration with the guys in my immediate circle. Life goes on the next day, and it's back to ODAAT, regardless of how many days are behind it.
Sharing a bit more about myself and my reserved view about HOF: the last meaningful time I took a break from my addiction to Copenhagen was one year before I got married to my beautiful (and wonderfully patient) wife, which was mid-2006 to mid-2007. She was a social smoker at the time, and I was then as I am now: completely beholden to nicotine. We made a pact that we would both stop using our respective nicotine products for the year before our wedding, to "enjoy" the engagement period with a healthy lifestyle or something. But really it was because we also agreed that on the night of the wedding reception, we would allow ourselves to let loose and get reacquainted with our old nicotine friends.
So, we kept our word to each other and stayed clean for one year. And at the party after our reception, she bummed a cigarette from some of her friends, and I tore into a tin of Copenhagen like a wild animal deprived of food for weeks. Kept it in / refreshed it well into the early morning hours. Couldn't have been happier -- had just celebrated the happiest day of my life, was in the company of closest friends and family, was in an amazing location, and I had a massive fatty in my mouth. When everyone started peeling off for bed, my new bride said she wanted to "go to bed", too. And what did her new loving husband do, upon being presented with the quintessential wedding night opportunity?
You guessed it:Â put in a fresh lipper and hung out with college buddies to fill up our spitters some more.
Fucking jackass.
I think that's why I'm trying to avoid ascribing too much importance to HOF, at least in my case: the last time I stopped using for any comparable length of time, I rewarded myself with a cave, and embraced it. I was counting down the days to my cave, for crying out loud. Since that planned cave, every effort to stop using was a pathetic attempt to appease my wife's concerns about my health, our future together, and the impact my dipping was having on our relationship. And deep down, in every case, I knew I wasn't going to keep any promise to stop dipping.
So here I am. 50 days into my quit. And I'm counting down the days to have a massive helping of more quit, with gravy. Fucking jackass.
Yeah the terminus isn't the objective here, it's the journey for as many consecutive 24 hr periods as possible. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing some fresh inspiration for us noobs. It's good to be quitting with you.
Thanks Krusty.
I'll be right behind you +1.
QLF
Great post Krusty. It's a good reminder that 100 days isn't a magic cure.
Krusty,
I'd like to go back in time and kick you in the nuts on your wedding night. We're all addicts, it's pathetic the things all of us have done to serve the nic bitch. You're just like the rest of us and the rest of us are just like you. Quit with you EDD, my friend.
With you Krust...QLF EDD.
Roger that on the HOF. While it is a nice even number to make into a quit milestone, I'm also playing down it's significance with regard to my quit. For me, reaching the HOF is just another confirmation that I CAN quit (which I already know now...and will continue to know well after the HOF). If my only sign that I hit the HOF on that day is a faint female voice in the back of my head "floor 2....going up", that's fine with me.
Krusty thanks for this post. I just got tested again. As I read your story, the bitch was whispering in my ear. I should start a countdown. I should celebrate sometime. Wouldn't it feel good to "tear into a fresh tin of Cope" and have at it into the wee hours? Seriously, i even have that empty or hollow feeling down inside right now that i know is a stronger crave.
Fuck that. What the hell? This far in, and reading a story brings this on? You know, it keeps me humble, and I'm thankful for that. Yep, i'm an addict, and it ain't going away too soon. The guys that have been quit for hundreds more days than me say it gets better, and I'm looking forward to that, but I have a long way to do. And i'll frickin do it with all these badasses here, fighting that same damn battle every day. Won't be caving today, and i strongly suspect I'll be promising the same to you all tomorrow.
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Happy Birthday! 'poledancer'
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Happy 40th, Krusty. Quitting with you today.
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Happy 40th, Krusty. Quitting with you today.
Happy bday. So that's what that nuke looking glow earlier was, all the candles on ur cake.
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Happy 40th, Krusty. Quitting with you today.
Happy bday. So that's what that nuke looking glow earlier was, all the candles on ur cake.
Thanks guys -- scholars, gentlemen, and jackasses...all of you! Have a great wknd!
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Happy 40th, Krusty. Quitting with you today.
Happy bday. So that's what that nuke looking glow earlier was, all the candles on ur cake.
Thanks guys -- scholars, gentlemen, and jackasses...all of you! Have a great wknd!
Happy 40 Big-K
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I hear that old train whistle blowing!!.........
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100 today, OUTSTANDING!
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100 today, OUTSTANDING!
Welcome to the HOF! You sir are bad assed!
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100 today, OUTSTANDING!
Welcome to the HOF! You sir are bad assed!
Congrats Krusty, one milestone passed, keep them coming
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100 today, OUTSTANDING!
Welcome to the HOF! You sir are bad assed!
Congrats Krusty, one milestone passed, keep them coming
One hell of a quit built so far! Proud to have you on my side! Congrats- enjoy the milestone!
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100 today, OUTSTANDING!
Welcome to the HOF! You sir are bad assed!
Congrats Krusty, one milestone passed, keep them coming
One hell of a quit built so far! Proud to have you on my side! Congrats- enjoy the milestone!
'ninja' pats some HoF ass today!
Get more Matt!!!
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100 today, OUTSTANDING!
Welcome to the HOF! You sir are bad assed!
Congrats Krusty, one milestone passed, keep them coming
One hell of a quit built so far! Proud to have you on my side! Congrats- enjoy the milestone!
'ninja' pats some HoF ass today!
Get more Matt!!!
Congrats Krusty! You are a bad ass quitter!
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Gratz on the hundo Krusty!
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100 today, OUTSTANDING!
Welcome to the HOF! You sir are bad assed!
Congrats Krusty, one milestone passed, keep them coming
One hell of a quit built so far! Proud to have you on my side! Congrats- enjoy the milestone!
'ninja' pats some HoF ass today!
Get more Matt!!!
Congrats Krusty! You are a bad ass quitter!
Bravo! Great quitting by a badass quitter.
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100 today, OUTSTANDING!
Welcome to the HOF! You sir are bad assed!
Congrats Krusty, one milestone passed, keep them coming
One hell of a quit built so far! Proud to have you on my side! Congrats- enjoy the milestone!
'ninja' pats some HoF ass today!
Get more Matt!!!
Congrats Krusty! You are a bad ass quitter!
Bravo! Great quitting by a badass quitter.
Way to be Krusty! What a difference 100 days of freedom Makes. I just re-read your very first post. Enjoy your day brother!
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Congrats, Brother. Well done, and thanks for the encouraging words you gave me when I started.
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100 today, OUTSTANDING!
Welcome to the HOF! You sir are bad assed!
Congrats Krusty, one milestone passed, keep them coming
One hell of a quit built so far! Proud to have you on my side! Congrats- enjoy the milestone!
'ninja' pats some HoF ass today!
Get more Matt!!!
Congrats Krusty! You are a bad ass quitter!
Bravo! Great quitting by a badass quitter.
Way to be Krusty! What a difference 100 days of freedom Makes. I just re-read your very first post. Enjoy your day brother!
Late as I was traveling for the past month, but I still wanted to post. Congrats I am so proud of you! Continue ODAAT brother and be weary of drifting from this site. Remember the strength of posting your promise and continue not to miss roll. I quit with your Bad Ass.
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100 today, OUTSTANDING!
Welcome to the HOF! You sir are bad assed!
Congrats Krusty, one milestone passed, keep them coming
One hell of a quit built so far! Proud to have you on my side! Congrats- enjoy the milestone!
'ninja' pats some HoF ass today!
Get more Matt!!!
Congrats Krusty! You are a bad ass quitter!
Bravo! Great quitting by a badass quitter.
Way to be Krusty! What a difference 100 days of freedom Makes. I just re-read your very first post. Enjoy your day brother!
Late as I was traveling for the past month, but I still wanted to post. Congrats I am so proud of you! Continue ODAAT brother and be weary of drifting from this site. Remember the strength of posting your promise and continue not to miss roll. I quit with your Bad Ass.
Gents: A long overdue -- but no less appreciated -- thank you for the congratulations, support, guidance, inspiration, and comedy over the past 116 days. I can honestly say that the site, and, more importantly, the community that keeps it going, have far surpassed the foggy expectations I had when I fumbled through my first couple of roll posts. Accountability has taken on a whole new meaning for me, and I frequently catch myself saying "one day at a time" in non-quitting contexts (but with all the gravity that the phrase holds here). The accountability network that I've built up in the past few months means more to me than some relationships I've had for years with people that I've physically met. There's loads of discussion about nic alternatives that people like, recommend, etc. It's clear that KTC is my nic alternative, and I've barely scratched the surface compared to some of the guys that have taken the time to read or comment on my drivel. Again, thank you, and look forward to seeing you in the Epoch of Gordon.
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100 today, OUTSTANDING!
Welcome to the HOF! You sir are bad assed!
Congrats Krusty, one milestone passed, keep them coming
One hell of a quit built so far! Proud to have you on my side! Congrats- enjoy the milestone!
'ninja' pats some HoF ass today!
Get more Matt!!!
Congrats Krusty! You are a bad ass quitter!
Bravo! Great quitting by a badass quitter.
Way to be Krusty! What a difference 100 days of freedom Makes. I just re-read your very first post. Enjoy your day brother!
Late as I was traveling for the past month, but I still wanted to post. Congrats I am so proud of you! Continue ODAAT brother and be weary of drifting from this site. Remember the strength of posting your promise and continue not to miss roll. I quit with your Bad Ass.
Gents: A long overdue -- but no less appreciated -- thank you for the congratulations, support, guidance, inspiration, and comedy over the past 116 days. I can honestly say that the site, and, more importantly, the community that keeps it going, have far surpassed the foggy expectations I had when I fumbled through my first couple of roll posts. Accountability has taken on a whole new meaning for me, and I frequently catch myself saying "one day at a time" in non-quitting contexts (but with all the gravity that the phrase holds here). The accountability network that I've built up in the past few months means more to me than some relationships I've had for years with people that I've physically met. There's loads of discussion about nic alternatives that people like, recommend, etc. It's clear that KTC is my nic alternative, and I've barely scratched the surface compared to some of the guys that have taken the time to read or comment on my drivel. Again, thank you, and look forward to seeing you in the Epoch of Gordon.
Awesome Krusty and another congrats on entereing the HOF. I love reading these when a recent HOF quitter seems to really have that AH HA! moment. Staying around and participating, paying it forward does become a form of replacement and helps each one of us stay quit.... one day at time! Keep hanging around, it keeps getting better Krusty.
Quit with you today!
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200. Washy, washy, motherfucker!
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200. Washy, washy, motherfucker!
Holy crap you are at 200 days already Krusty!?! Man did you every come here to quit! You are a grizzled quit veteran for sure. BTW it gets even better! Enjoy your day brother.
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200. Washy, washy, motherfucker!
Holy crap you are at 200 days already Krusty!?! Man did you every come here to quit! You are a grizzled quit veteran for sure. BTW it gets even better! Enjoy your day brother.
Never read your intro before Krusty. Nicely done. And congrats on 200.
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200. Washy, washy, motherfucker!
Holy crap you are at 200 days already Krusty!?! Man did you every come here to quit! You are a grizzled quit veteran for sure. BTW it gets even better! Enjoy your day brother.
Never read your intro before Krusty. Nicely done. And congrats on 200.
Man, you did Go-Time with a flair and never looked back-- congrats on 200. Keep it up-- it isn't over but it keeps getting better for sure! You have the tools and are good with them- just keep going the way you have. By this point, I feel like we're walking this path essentially together rather than me in front- the difference in our days has become pretty insignificant by now. Glad to be on the journey with you- your presence has made my path better.
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200. Washy, washy, motherfucker!
Holy crap you are at 200 days already Krusty!?! Man did you every come here to quit! You are a grizzled quit veteran for sure. BTW it gets even better! Enjoy your day brother.
Never read your intro before Krusty. Nicely done. And congrats on 200.
Man, you did Go-Time with a flair and never looked back-- congrats on 200. Keep it up-- it isn't over but it keeps getting better for sure! You have the tools and are good with them- just keep going the way you have. By this point, I feel like we're walking this path essentially together rather than me in front- the difference in our days has become pretty insignificant by now. Glad to be on the journey with you- your presence has made my path better.
x2 to all they said Krusty! Congrats and glad you are here. Keep going brother. I hear it gets better and better.
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200. Washy, washy, motherfucker!
Holy crap you are at 200 days already Krusty!?! Man did you every come here to quit! You are a grizzled quit veteran for sure. BTW it gets even better! Enjoy your day brother.
Never read your intro before Krusty. Nicely done. And congrats on 200.
Man, you did Go-Time with a flair and never looked back-- congrats on 200. Keep it up-- it isn't over but it keeps getting better for sure! You have the tools and are good with them- just keep going the way you have. By this point, I feel like we're walking this path essentially together rather than me in front- the difference in our days has become pretty insignificant by now. Glad to be on the journey with you- your presence has made my path better.
x2 to all they said Krusty! Congrats and glad you are here. Keep going brother. I hear it gets better and better.
Bad ass since day 1. No butterfly syndrome with this one. Keep it up brother!
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200. Washy, washy, motherfucker!
Holy crap you are at 200 days already Krusty!?! Man did you every come here to quit! You are a grizzled quit veteran for sure. BTW it gets even better! Enjoy your day brother.
Never read your intro before Krusty. Nicely done. And congrats on 200.
Man, you did Go-Time with a flair and never looked back-- congrats on 200. Keep it up-- it isn't over but it keeps getting better for sure! You have the tools and are good with them- just keep going the way you have. By this point, I feel like we're walking this path essentially together rather than me in front- the difference in our days has become pretty insignificant by now. Glad to be on the journey with you- your presence has made my path better.
x2 to all they said Krusty! Congrats and glad you are here. Keep going brother. I hear it gets better and better.
Bad ass since day 1. No butterfly syndrome with this one. Keep it up brother!
Thanks all -- really appreciate the PMs, notes on roll, texts, and here. If nothing else, it's a damn fine example that the accountability doctrine instilled here works. Look forward to seeing you all on roll in the AM.
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200. Washy, washy, motherfucker!
Holy crap you are at 200 days already Krusty!?! Man did you every come here to quit! You are a grizzled quit veteran for sure. BTW it gets even better! Enjoy your day brother.
Never read your intro before Krusty. Nicely done. And congrats on 200.
Man, you did Go-Time with a flair and never looked back-- congrats on 200. Keep it up-- it isn't over but it keeps getting better for sure! You have the tools and are good with them- just keep going the way you have. By this point, I feel like we're walking this path essentially together rather than me in front- the difference in our days has become pretty insignificant by now. Glad to be on the journey with you- your presence has made my path better.
x2 to all they said Krusty! Congrats and glad you are here. Keep going brother. I hear it gets better and better.
Bad ass since day 1. No butterfly syndrome with this one. Keep it up brother!
Thanks all -- really appreciate the PMs, notes on roll, texts, and here. If nothing else, it's a damn fine example that the accountability doctrine instilled here works. Look forward to seeing you all on roll in the AM.
True badass!
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October 19, 2004
Sitting in the upper decks of Yankee Stadium with a buddy on a chilly October night, thanking my lucky stars for scoring a ticket to game 6 of the ALCS between the good guys from the Bronx and the deplorable Red Sux, and going through a tin of Copenhagen like I was paid sponsor for US Smokeless Tobacco Co. Watching Curt Schilling absolutely dominate us on the night that would quickly become known as "the bloody sock game." Phenomenal rivalry, incredible competitor, and, it turns out, as big of an addict as me.
Note to self: if there's ever a passing doubt as to why you're quit, if all the other individual and familial reasons don't carry the same weight, and if all your KTC contacts and brethren collectively decide to stop giving a shit, read this (http://espn.go.com/boston/mlb/story/_/id/11380584/curt-schilling-former-boston-red-sox-pitcher-says-chewing-tobacco-led-mouth-cancer) and remember the bloody sock game.
If you're too lazy to read, watch this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMgeeafLk2o).
Above all, don't tell yourself no one warned you.
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October 19, 2004
Sitting in the upper decks of Yankee Stadium with a buddy on a chilly October night, thanking my lucky stars for scoring a ticket to game 6 of the ALCS between the good guys from the Bronx and the deplorable Red Sux, and going through a tin of Copenhagen like I was paid sponsor for US Smokeless Tobacco Co. Watching Curt Schilling absolutely dominate us on the night that would quickly become known as "the bloody sock game." Phenomenal rivalry, incredible competitor, and, it turns out, as big of an addict as me.
Note to self: if there's ever a passing doubt as to why you're quit, if all the other individual and familial reasons don't carry the same weight, and if all your KTC contacts and brethren collectively decide to stop giving a shit, read this (http://espn.go.com/boston/mlb/story/_/id/11380584/curt-schilling-former-boston-red-sox-pitcher-says-chewing-tobacco-led-mouth-cancer) and remember the bloody sock game.
If you're too lazy to read, watch this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMgeeafLk2o).
Above all, don't tell yourself no one warned you.
Addict-speak galore in the comment section of that article. Thank you KTC for enlightening us. Jim Kelly has the same cancer. But I hear he won't admit to being a tobacco user. At least Schilling is admitting it, but he is not going to get on his soap-box? These guys need to learn big-tobacco defiance. My biggest takeaway from KTC, besides ODAAT and brotherhood, is how disgusting and cruel the tobacco industry, as well as our complicit government, are toward citizens. They want us to die early and painfully. And don't give me any of that libertarian free-market bullshit that says people should be free to make their own choice to kill themselves with tobacco products. This shit should be regulated out of existence. Pure fucking evil. Our children are in the crosshairs. Educate and pass on your knowledge. Do not let them be victims.
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October 19, 2004
Sitting in the upper decks of Yankee Stadium with a buddy on a chilly October night, thanking my lucky stars for scoring a ticket to game 6 of the ALCS between the good guys from the Bronx and the deplorable Red Sux, and going through a tin of Copenhagen like I was paid sponsor for US Smokeless Tobacco Co. Watching Curt Schilling absolutely dominate us on the night that would quickly become known as "the bloody sock game." Phenomenal rivalry, incredible competitor, and, it turns out, as big of an addict as me.
Note to self: if there's ever a passing doubt as to why you're quit, if all the other individual and familial reasons don't carry the same weight, and if all your KTC contacts and brethren collectively decide to stop giving a shit, read this (http://espn.go.com/boston/mlb/story/_/id/11380584/curt-schilling-former-boston-red-sox-pitcher-says-chewing-tobacco-led-mouth-cancer) and remember the bloody sock game.
If you're too lazy to read, watch this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMgeeafLk2o).
Above all, don't tell yourself no one warned you.
Addict-speak galore in the comment section of that article. Thank you KTC for enlightening us. Jim Kelly has the same cancer. But I hear he won't admit to being a tobacco user. At least Schilling is admitting it, but he is not going to get on his soap-box? These guys need to learn big-tobacco defiance. My biggest takeaway from KTC, besides ODAAT and brotherhood, is how disgusting and cruel the tobacco industry, as well as our complicit government, are toward citizens. They want us to die early and painfully. And don't give me any of that libertarian free-market bullshit that says people should be free to make their own choice to kill themselves with tobacco products. This shit should be regulated out of existence. Pure fucking evil. Our children are in the crosshairs. Educate and pass on your knowledge. Do not let them be victims.
Thanks guys- that's why we're on the same time. Fuck this poisonous addictive shit! Anything else half as deadly, or half as addictive, highly regulated or banned. This is an old-money industry that is proven pure evil, intentionally evil since at least the 1960s, and people still call it an issue of freedom? Ridiculous!! The shit needs to be banned. UST and others should not be FREE to poison and addict people to a product just to line their pockets. I could go on an on. Krusty and Claws you both are fine warriors in this fight and I'm with you. Thanks for bringing the most recent media forward to everyone Krusty.
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October 19, 2004
Sitting in the upper decks of Yankee Stadium with a buddy on a chilly October night, thanking my lucky stars for scoring a ticket to game 6 of the ALCS between the good guys from the Bronx and the deplorable Red Sux, and going through a tin of Copenhagen like I was paid sponsor for US Smokeless Tobacco Co. Watching Curt Schilling absolutely dominate us on the night that would quickly become known as "the bloody sock game." Phenomenal rivalry, incredible competitor, and, it turns out, as big of an addict as me.
Note to self: if there's ever a passing doubt as to why you're quit, if all the other individual and familial reasons don't carry the same weight, and if all your KTC contacts and brethren collectively decide to stop giving a shit, read this (http://espn.go.com/boston/mlb/story/_/id/11380584/curt-schilling-former-boston-red-sox-pitcher-says-chewing-tobacco-led-mouth-cancer) and remember the bloody sock game.
If you're too lazy to read, watch this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMgeeafLk2o).
Above all, don't tell yourself no one warned you.
Addict-speak galore in the comment section of that article. Thank you KTC for enlightening us. Jim Kelly has the same cancer. But I hear he won't admit to being a tobacco user. At least Schilling is admitting it, but he is not going to get on his soap-box? These guys need to learn big-tobacco defiance. My biggest takeaway from KTC, besides ODAAT and brotherhood, is how disgusting and cruel the tobacco industry, as well as our complicit government, are toward citizens. They want us to die early and painfully. And don't give me any of that libertarian free-market bullshit that says people should be free to make their own choice to kill themselves with tobacco products. This shit should be regulated out of existence. Pure fucking evil. Our children are in the crosshairs. Educate and pass on your knowledge. Do not let them be victims.
Thanks guys- that's why we're on the same time. Fuck this poisonous addictive shit! Anything else half as deadly, or half as addictive, highly regulated or banned. This is an old-money industry that is proven pure evil, intentionally evil since at least the 1960s, and people still call it an issue of freedom? Ridiculous!! The shit needs to be banned. UST and others should not be FREE to poison and addict people to a product just to line their pockets. I could go on an on. Krusty and Claws you both are fine warriors in this fight and I'm with you. Thanks for bringing the most recent media forward to everyone Krusty.
Exactly, gents, you all have nailed it. You can't claim that it's solely the fault of the addicted masses when the industry deliberately plans how to get more people addicted, market to younger kids, and bastadizes scientific research to achieve a bogus finding that is inconsistent with real research and what our own eyes tell us. These guys are absolutely trying to muddy the waters in an effort to keep as many people paying for their product as possible. Sure, you can blame all of us addicts for making the conscious decision to put the shit in our mouths time and time again, but the blame is equally shared with the people who continue to make it, market it, and miscommunicate it's lethality.
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Far too long since the last contribution to Krusty's Quit Journal, but not for lack of focus on my quit. This entry is not meant to mark any milestone, either -- a lot of guys have reached out with congrats on reaching 50 today, and that strengthens my resolve and proves that "the system" works. If I wasn't building a support network over the past seven weeks, however, my phone wouldn't have been lighting up all day, and I would have been cheating myself -- and today posed no test to my quit, thankfully.
I'm not so naive to think that the future is all butterflies and rainbows, and I've been amazed at some of the shit that other people have been juggling both early and well into their quits, yet their commitment has been unwavering. I've been fortunate that the physical side of my quit has been manageable. Mentally was a bit more challenging early-on, particularly when I lost sight of ODAAT and got overwhelmed thinking about "forever". While HOF is in the back of my mind, it only represents a number, some words of reflection, and commemoration with the guys in my immediate circle. Life goes on the next day, and it's back to ODAAT, regardless of how many days are behind it.
Sharing a bit more about myself and my reserved view about HOF: the last meaningful time I took a break from my addiction to Copenhagen was one year before I got married to my beautiful (and wonderfully patient) wife, which was mid-2006 to mid-2007. She was a social smoker at the time, and I was then as I am now: completely beholden to nicotine. We made a pact that we would both stop using our respective nicotine products for the year before our wedding, to "enjoy" the engagement period with a healthy lifestyle or something. But really it was because we also agreed that on the night of the wedding reception, we would allow ourselves to let loose and get reacquainted with our old nicotine friends.
So, we kept our word to each other and stayed clean for one year. And at the party after our reception, she bummed a cigarette from some of her friends, and I tore into a tin of Copenhagen like a wild animal deprived of food for weeks. Kept it in / refreshed it well into the early morning hours. Couldn't have been happier -- had just celebrated the happiest day of my life, was in the company of closest friends and family, was in an amazing location, and I had a massive fatty in my mouth. When everyone started peeling off for bed, my new bride said she wanted to "go to bed", too. And what did her new loving husband do, upon being presented with the quintessential wedding night opportunity?
You guessed it: put in a fresh lipper and hung out with college buddies to fill up our spitters some more.
Fucking jackass.
I think that's why I'm trying to avoid ascribing too much importance to HOF, at least in my case: the last time I stopped using for any comparable length of time, I rewarded myself with a cave, and embraced it. I was counting down the days to my cave, for crying out loud. Since that planned cave, every effort to stop using was a pathetic attempt to appease my wife's concerns about my health, our future together, and the impact my dipping was having on our relationship. And deep down, in every case, I knew I wasn't going to keep any promise to stop dipping.
So here I am. 50 days into my quit. And I'm counting down the days to have a massive helping of more quit, with gravy. Fucking jackass.
I just jerked off to this post. Outfuckingstanding!
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I've mentioned it in a couple of the newer groups recently, but for whatever reason -- a million things on my mind, busy at work / home, wife out of town and am in need of some wifey therapy, etc. -- I have been having a crazy amount of caving nightmares. Like, crazy wake-up-in-a-panic-and-retrace-your-last-24-hrs-to-make-sure-you-didn't-cave type of nightmares. I don't have dreams very often, and when I read early in my quit about the "cave dreams" that many have, I figured it would never happen to me, and wouldn't be a big deal if it did. Couldn't have been more wrong.
It's been over eight hours since I got up and got on with my weekend, and I'm still worked up about it. I'm fortunate that I'm at a place in my quit where the majority of triggers have been confronted and overcome, I've got quitters' phone numbers in all time zones that are relevant to me, am in an active text group, am as involved as life allows me to be on KTC, and I'm in the best HOF month on the site (for my needs, purposes personality). Maybe because of this level of commitment to my and my Mayhem brothers' quits, as well as those that have come back recently to post another day 1, the fuzzy feeling of caving in a dream sequence sickens me as much as it does. No clue, but it only serves to further fortify my quit.
As if nicotine didn't rob me and my loved ones of enough during the 20+ years that I used it, now it's preventing me from getting a good (or sticky) night's sleep? I detest nicotine on so many levels, I'm quaking with rage. Fuck the fuck off, you son of a cunt.
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I've mentioned it in a couple of the newer groups recently, but for whatever reason -- a million things on my mind, busy at work / home, wife out of town and am in need of some wifey therapy, etc. -- I have been having a crazy amount of caving nightmares. Like, crazy wake-up-in-a-panic-and-retrace-your-last-24-hrs-to-make-sure-you-didn't-cave type of nightmares. I don't have dreams very often, and when I read early in my quit about the "cave dreams" that many have, I figured it would never happen to me, and wouldn't be a big deal if it did. Couldn't have been more wrong.
It's been over eight hours since I got up and got on with my weekend, and I'm still worked up about it. I'm fortunate that I'm at a place in my quit where the majority of triggers have been confronted and overcome, I've got quitters' phone numbers in all time zones that are relevant to me, am in an active text group, am as involved as life allows me to be on KTC, and I'm in the best HOF month on the site (for my needs, purposes personality). Maybe because of this level of commitment to my and my Mayhem brothers' quits, as well as those that have come back recently to post another day 1, the fuzzy feeling of caving in a dream sequence sickens me as much as it does. No clue, but it only serves to further fortify my quit.
As if nicotine didn't rob me and my loved ones of enough during the 20+ years that I used it, now it's preventing me from getting a good (or sticky) night's sleep? I detest nicotine on so many levels, I'm quaking with rage. Fuck the fuck off, you son of a cunt.
Rage on brother! You are "healing" and winning. Thanks for helping my quit EDD. If you need me, I'm here to rage right along with you.
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I've mentioned it in a couple of the newer groups recently, but for whatever reason -- a million things on my mind, busy at work / home, wife out of town and am in need of some wifey therapy, etc. -- I have been having a crazy amount of caving nightmares. Like, crazy wake-up-in-a-panic-and-retrace-your-last-24-hrs-to-make-sure-you-didn't-cave type of nightmares. I don't have dreams very often, and when I read early in my quit about the "cave dreams" that many have, I figured it would never happen to me, and wouldn't be a big deal if it did. Couldn't have been more wrong.
It's been over eight hours since I got up and got on with my weekend, and I'm still worked up about it. I'm fortunate that I'm at a place in my quit where the majority of triggers have been confronted and overcome, I've got quitters' phone numbers in all time zones that are relevant to me, am in an active text group, am as involved as life allows me to be on KTC, and I'm in the best HOF month on the site (for my needs, purposes personality). Maybe because of this level of commitment to my and my Mayhem brothers' quits, as well as those that have come back recently to post another day 1, the fuzzy feeling of caving in a dream sequence sickens me as much as it does. No clue, but it only serves to further fortify my quit.
As if nicotine didn't rob me and my loved ones of enough during the 20+ years that I used it, now it's preventing me from getting a good (or sticky) night's sleep? I detest nicotine on so many levels, I'm quaking with rage. Fuck the fuck off, you son of a cunt.
Rage on brother! You are "healing" and winning. Thanks for helping my quit EDD. If you need me, I'm here to rage right along with you.
I've had some bad dreams lately too.
I look at it as - the addiction part of my brain has realized that it can no longer affect my waking mind, so it is attacking me while I sleep.
Well suck it, Nic Bitch. I can't buy chew while I'm sleeping, so you got no shot.
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I've mentioned it in a couple of the newer groups recently, but for whatever reason -- a million things on my mind, busy at work / home, wife out of town and am in need of some wifey therapy, etc. -- I have been having a crazy amount of caving nightmares. Like, crazy wake-up-in-a-panic-and-retrace-your-last-24-hrs-to-make-sure-you-didn't-cave type of nightmares. I don't have dreams very often, and when I read early in my quit about the "cave dreams" that many have, I figured it would never happen to me, and wouldn't be a big deal if it did. Couldn't have been more wrong.
It's been over eight hours since I got up and got on with my weekend, and I'm still worked up about it. I'm fortunate that I'm at a place in my quit where the majority of triggers have been confronted and overcome, I've got quitters' phone numbers in all time zones that are relevant to me, am in an active text group, am as involved as life allows me to be on KTC, and I'm in the best HOF month on the site (for my needs, purposes personality). Maybe because of this level of commitment to my and my Mayhem brothers' quits, as well as those that have come back recently to post another day 1, the fuzzy feeling of caving in a dream sequence sickens me as much as it does. No clue, but it only serves to further fortify my quit.
As if nicotine didn't rob me and my loved ones of enough during the 20+ years that I used it, now it's preventing me from getting a good (or sticky) night's sleep? I detest nicotine on so many levels, I'm quaking with rage. Fuck the fuck off, you son of a cunt.
Rage on brother! You are "healing" and winning. Thanks for helping my quit EDD. If you need me, I'm here to rage right along with you.
I've had some bad dreams lately too.
I look at it as - the addiction part of my brain has realized that it can no longer affect my waking mind, so it is attacking me while I sleep.
Well suck it, Nic Bitch. I can't buy chew while I'm sleeping, so you got no shot.
With you guys on this. Nice post Krusty. I just had a damned dip dream 2 nights ago, and didn't even have regrets or whatever. It just sucked, and was annoying when I woke up. When will it ever leave, right? probably never- but the difference is this time we know what addiction means, that we can never have just one, and that one day at a time works. That and the support/accountabilty system is the biggest lifesaver of all.
-
I've mentioned it in a couple of the newer groups recently, but for whatever reason -- a million things on my mind, busy at work / home, wife out of town and am in need of some wifey therapy, etc. -- I have been having a crazy amount of caving nightmares. Like, crazy wake-up-in-a-panic-and-retrace-your-last-24-hrs-to-make-sure-you-didn't-cave type of nightmares. I don't have dreams very often, and when I read early in my quit about the "cave dreams" that many have, I figured it would never happen to me, and wouldn't be a big deal if it did. Couldn't have been more wrong.
It's been over eight hours since I got up and got on with my weekend, and I'm still worked up about it. I'm fortunate that I'm at a place in my quit where the majority of triggers have been confronted and overcome, I've got quitters' phone numbers in all time zones that are relevant to me, am in an active text group, am as involved as life allows me to be on KTC, and I'm in the best HOF month on the site (for my needs, purposes personality). Maybe because of this level of commitment to my and my Mayhem brothers' quits, as well as those that have come back recently to post another day 1, the fuzzy feeling of caving in a dream sequence sickens me as much as it does. No clue, but it only serves to further fortify my quit.
As if nicotine didn't rob me and my loved ones of enough during the 20+ years that I used it, now it's preventing me from getting a good (or sticky) night's sleep? I detest nicotine on so many levels, I'm quaking with rage. Fuck the fuck off, you son of a cunt.
Rage on brother! You are "healing" and winning. Thanks for helping my quit EDD. If you need me, I'm here to rage right along with you.
I've had some bad dreams lately too.
I look at it as - the addiction part of my brain has realized that it can no longer affect my waking mind, so it is attacking me while I sleep.
Well suck it, Nic Bitch. I can't buy chew while I'm sleeping, so you got no shot.
With you guys on this. Nice post Krusty. I just had a damned dip dream 2 nights ago, and didn't even have regrets or whatever. It just sucked, and was annoying when I woke up. When will it ever leave, right? probably never- but the difference is this time we know what addiction means, that we can never have just one, and that one day at a time works. That and the support/accountabilty system is the biggest lifesaver of all.
Thanks for sharing Krusty! Thanks for contributing to our quits today!
-
I've mentioned it in a couple of the newer groups recently, but for whatever reason -- a million things on my mind, busy at work / home, wife out of town and am in need of some wifey therapy, etc. -- I have been having a crazy amount of caving nightmares. Like, crazy wake-up-in-a-panic-and-retrace-your-last-24-hrs-to-make-sure-you-didn't-cave type of nightmares. I don't have dreams very often, and when I read early in my quit about the "cave dreams" that many have, I figured it would never happen to me, and wouldn't be a big deal if it did. Couldn't have been more wrong.
It's been over eight hours since I got up and got on with my weekend, and I'm still worked up about it. I'm fortunate that I'm at a place in my quit where the majority of triggers have been confronted and overcome, I've got quitters' phone numbers in all time zones that are relevant to me, am in an active text group, am as involved as life allows me to be on KTC, and I'm in the best HOF month on the site (for my needs, purposes personality). Maybe because of this level of commitment to my and my Mayhem brothers' quits, as well as those that have come back recently to post another day 1, the fuzzy feeling of caving in a dream sequence sickens me as much as it does. No clue, but it only serves to further fortify my quit.
As if nicotine didn't rob me and my loved ones of enough during the 20+ years that I used it, now it's preventing me from getting a good (or sticky) night's sleep? I detest nicotine on so many levels, I'm quaking with rage. Fuck the fuck off, you son of a cunt.
Rage on brother! You are "healing" and winning. Thanks for helping my quit EDD. If you need me, I'm here to rage right along with you.
I've had some bad dreams lately too.
I look at it as - the addiction part of my brain has realized that it can no longer affect my waking mind, so it is attacking me while I sleep.
Well suck it, Nic Bitch. I can't buy chew while I'm sleeping, so you got no shot.
With you guys on this. Nice post Krusty. I just had a damned dip dream 2 nights ago, and didn't even have regrets or whatever. It just sucked, and was annoying when I woke up. When will it ever leave, right? probably never- but the difference is this time we know what addiction means, that we can never have just one, and that one day at a time works. That and the support/accountabilty system is the biggest lifesaver of all.
Thanks for sharing Krusty! Thanks for contributing to our quits today!
Krusty, if it ever becomes more than a dream. Your nuts + steel vise + lead anvil. It will be done.
You know you have this. Nic Bitch canÂ’t touch when youÂ’re awake, so she sneaks up on you at night. Fuck her.
-
I've mentioned it in a couple of the newer groups recently, but for whatever reason -- a million things on my mind, busy at work / home, wife out of town and am in need of some wifey therapy, etc. -- I have been having a crazy amount of caving nightmares. Like, crazy wake-up-in-a-panic-and-retrace-your-last-24-hrs-to-make-sure-you-didn't-cave type of nightmares. I don't have dreams very often, and when I read early in my quit about the "cave dreams" that many have, I figured it would never happen to me, and wouldn't be a big deal if it did. Couldn't have been more wrong.
It's been over eight hours since I got up and got on with my weekend, and I'm still worked up about it. I'm fortunate that I'm at a place in my quit where the majority of triggers have been confronted and overcome, I've got quitters' phone numbers in all time zones that are relevant to me, am in an active text group, am as involved as life allows me to be on KTC, and I'm in the best HOF month on the site (for my needs, purposes personality). Maybe because of this level of commitment to my and my Mayhem brothers' quits, as well as those that have come back recently to post another day 1, the fuzzy feeling of caving in a dream sequence sickens me as much as it does. No clue, but it only serves to further fortify my quit.
As if nicotine didn't rob me and my loved ones of enough during the 20+ years that I used it, now it's preventing me from getting a good (or sticky) night's sleep? I detest nicotine on so many levels, I'm quaking with rage. Fuck the fuck off, you son of a cunt.
Rage on brother! You are "healing" and winning. Thanks for helping my quit EDD. If you need me, I'm here to rage right along with you.
I've had some bad dreams lately too.
I look at it as - the addiction part of my brain has realized that it can no longer affect my waking mind, so it is attacking me while I sleep.
Well suck it, Nic Bitch. I can't buy chew while I'm sleeping, so you got no shot.
With you guys on this. Nice post Krusty. I just had a damned dip dream 2 nights ago, and didn't even have regrets or whatever. It just sucked, and was annoying when I woke up. When will it ever leave, right? probably never- but the difference is this time we know what addiction means, that we can never have just one, and that one day at a time works. That and the support/accountabilty system is the biggest lifesaver of all.
Thanks for sharing Krusty! Thanks for contributing to our quits today!
Krusty, if it ever becomes more than a dream. Your nuts + steel vise + lead anvil. It will be done.
You know you have this. Nic Bitch canÂ’t touch when youÂ’re awake, so she sneaks up on you at night. Fuck her.
Krusty, nice rage post brother! Love it! I hear yah about thank god quit is solid... I still get periodic dreams that scare the shit outta me... I had one last week, but Fuck that shit! I ain't caving...
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Another fine intro for newbies to read. A bad here no doubt.
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Another fine intro for newbies to read. A bad here no doubt.
Gettin it done, day by day. Read how here!
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Another fine intro for newbies to read. A bad here no doubt.
Gettin it done, day by day. Read how here!
Ditto
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Congrats on the Triple Hundo!!! 'oh yeah' 'Cheers' 'Have a beer' 'Have a beer' 'Sing and Drink' 'boob' 'boob' 'FU'
'wave' 'wave' 'wave'
'dance' 'dance' 'party2'
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Congrats on the Triple Hundo!!! 'oh yeah' 'Cheers' 'Have a beer' 'Have a beer' 'Sing and Drink' 'boob' 'boob' 'FU'
'wave' 'wave' 'wave'
'dance' 'dance' 'party2'
Congrats Krusty! Keep it going.
-
Congrats on the Triple Hundo!!! 'oh yeah' 'Cheers' 'Have a beer' 'Have a beer' 'Sing and Drink' 'boob' 'boob' 'FU'
'wave' 'wave' 'wave'
'dance' 'dance' 'party2'
Congrats Krusty! Keep it going.
'leftpole' '40' 'poledancer' 'lick me' 'boob' 'rightpole'
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Congrats on the Triple Hundo!!! 'oh yeah' 'Cheers' 'Have a beer' 'Have a beer' 'Sing and Drink' 'boob' 'boob' 'FU'
'wave' 'wave' 'wave'
'dance' 'dance' 'party2'
Congrats Krusty! Keep it going.
'leftpole' '40' 'poledancer' 'lick me' 'boob' 'rightpole'
'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party'
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Congrats on the Triple Hundo!!! 'oh yeah' 'Cheers' 'Have a beer' 'Have a beer' 'Sing and Drink' 'boob' 'boob' 'FU'
'wave' 'wave' 'wave'
'dance' 'dance' 'party2'
Congrats Krusty! Keep it going.
'leftpole' '40' 'poledancer' 'lick me' 'boob' 'rightpole'
'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party'
You are truly a bad ass, Krusty. Congrats on another milestone of many to come.
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Congrats on the Triple Hundo!!! 'oh yeah' 'Cheers' 'Have a beer' 'Have a beer' 'Sing and Drink' 'boob' 'boob' 'FU'
'wave' 'wave' 'wave'
'dance' 'dance' 'party2'
Congrats Krusty! Keep it going.
'leftpole' '40' 'poledancer' 'lick me' 'boob' 'rightpole'
'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party'
You are truly a bad ass, Krusty. Congrats on another milestone of many to come.
COngrats on 300! Keep at it!
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Congrats on the Triple Hundo!!! 'oh yeah' 'Cheers' 'Have a beer' 'Have a beer' 'Sing and Drink' 'boob' 'boob' 'FU'
'wave' 'wave' 'wave'
'dance' 'dance' 'party2'
Congrats Krusty! Keep it going.
'leftpole' '40' 'poledancer' 'lick me' 'boob' 'rightpole'
'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party'
You are truly a bad ass, Krusty. Congrats on another milestone of many to come.
COngrats on 300! Keep at it!
Dang dude. 3rd floor is awesome!. You are killing it all day every day.
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Congrats on the Triple Hundo!!! 'oh yeah' 'Cheers' 'Have a beer' 'Have a beer' 'Sing and Drink' 'boob' 'boob' 'FU'
'wave' 'wave' 'wave'
'dance' 'dance' 'party2'
Congrats Krusty! Keep it going.
'leftpole' '40' 'poledancer' 'lick me' 'boob' 'rightpole'
'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party'
You are truly a bad ass, Krusty. Congrats on another milestone of many to come.
COngrats on 300! Keep at it!
Dang dude. 3rd floor is awesome!. You are killing it all day every day.
Nice work on the 300 buddy...good shit.
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Congrats on the Triple Hundo!!! 'oh yeah' 'Cheers' 'Have a beer' 'Have a beer' 'Sing and Drink' 'boob' 'boob' 'FU'
'wave' 'wave' 'wave'
'dance' 'dance' 'party2'
Congrats Krusty! Keep it going.
'leftpole' '40' 'poledancer' 'lick me' 'boob' 'rightpole'
'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party'
You are truly a bad ass, Krusty. Congrats on another milestone of many to come.
COngrats on 300! Keep at it!
Dang dude. 3rd floor is awesome!. You are killing it all day every day.
Nice work on the 300 buddy...good shit.
Way to be Krusty! Keep going!
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Congrats on the Triple Hundo!!! 'oh yeah' 'Cheers' 'Have a beer' 'Have a beer' 'Sing and Drink' 'boob' 'boob' 'FU'
'wave' 'wave' 'wave'
'dance' 'dance' 'party2'
Congrats Krusty! Keep it going.
'leftpole' '40' 'poledancer' 'lick me' 'boob' 'rightpole'
'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party'
You are truly a bad ass, Krusty. Congrats on another milestone of many to come.
COngrats on 300! Keep at it!
Dang dude. 3rd floor is awesome!. You are killing it all day every day.
Nice work on the 300 buddy...good shit.
Way to be Krusty! Keep going!
Congrats Krustimus Maximus.
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Congrats on the Triple Hundo!!! 'oh yeah' 'Cheers' 'Have a beer' 'Have a beer' 'Sing and Drink' 'boob' 'boob' 'FU'
'wave' 'wave' 'wave'
'dance' 'dance' 'party2'
Congrats Krusty! Keep it going.
'leftpole' '40' 'poledancer' 'lick me' 'boob' 'rightpole'
'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party'
You are truly a bad ass, Krusty. Congrats on another milestone of many to come.
COngrats on 300! Keep at it!
Dang dude. 3rd floor is awesome!. You are killing it all day every day.
Nice work on the 300 buddy...good shit.
Way to be Krusty! Keep going!
Congrats Krustimus Maximus.
Much appreciated, guys -- you've all inspired and continue to motivate my quit. Thanks again.
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Congrats on the Triple Hundo!!! 'oh yeah' 'Cheers' 'Have a beer' 'Have a beer' 'Sing and Drink' 'boob' 'boob' 'FU'
'wave' 'wave' 'wave'
'dance' 'dance' 'party2'
Congrats Krusty! Keep it going.
'leftpole' '40' 'poledancer' 'lick me' 'boob' 'rightpole'
'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party' 'jj' 'party'
You are truly a bad ass, Krusty. Congrats on another milestone of many to come.
COngrats on 300! Keep at it!
Dang dude. 3rd floor is awesome!. You are killing it all day every day.
Nice work on the 300 buddy...good shit.
Way to be Krusty! Keep going!
Congrats Krustimus Maximus.
Much appreciated, guys -- you've all inspired and continue to motivate my quit. Thanks again.
I'm always late and the punch bowl is empty. You have always supported my quit, and I thank you. See you at +1 tomorrow.