KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: cr4 on January 30, 2013, 11:57:00 AM
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Hello all,
Today is Day 1. I am 35 years old and started dipping when I was 16. It got worse through college and afterwards where I usually had a job where I could do it no problem and basically all of the time. I started working in an office and met my now wife when my chewing decreased some. She was a smoker at the time and we both "quit" tobacco 7 years ago. Unfortunately, she doesn't know that I do it every chance I get that I am away from her. I feel like I am cheating on her and I know I am lying to her.
Anyway, I have tried to quit dozens of times before. Sometimes would last days, a couple of weeks or maybe a month. After each time, I believed I had developed some magic willpower that would allow me to have just one. "Just one" has been my motto and has always failed me.
Now, it is at the point where anytime I have anything in my mouth I am paranoid that it is going to be cancer. So I am committed to stop lying to my wife and to stop putting poison in my body and I am looking forward to all of your support along the way. I am very thankful to have found this website.
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Cr4 You and I are like lieing brothers. I would do anything I could to sneak away, stay up late, work late, drive seperate, etc. I chewed for nine years without my wife knowing. Yeah right, but I did try to hide it from her as much as possible. You have found the only place that has kept me quit. I have chewed for 26 years, its all I knew. This site has showed me that there are so many brothers and sisters quiting today together. You will see people that post day 2500+. The way it works is simple, Join the May Group and post roll, by doing that you promise to us and yourself that you quit today, not forever, today. We worry about one day at a time. I have posted roll promising you the same. Then all you have to do is read everything here, and repeat. Its gets better and with support (KTC) its bearable. Don't FUCK UP! Stay quit. If you need anything hit me up. Good Luck!
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Hello all,
Today is Day 1. I am 35 years old and started dipping when I was 16. It got worse through college and afterwards where I usually had a job where I could do it no problem and basically all of the time. I started working in an office and met my now wife when my chewing decreased some. She was a smoker at the time and we both "quit" tobacco 7 years ago. Unfortunately, she doesn't know that I do it every chance I get that I am away from her. I feel like I am cheating on her and I know I am lying to her.
Anyway, I have tried to quit dozens of times before. Sometimes would last days, a couple of weeks or maybe a month. After each time, I believed I had developed some magic willpower that would allow me to have just one. "Just one" has been my motto and has always failed me.
Now, it is at the point where anytime I have anything in my mouth I am paranoid that it is going to be cancer. So I am committed to stop lying to my wife and to stop putting poison in my body and I am looking forward to all of your support along the way. I am very thankful to have found this website.
Yes, be very thankful you found this site. One of our mottos is, "NEVER again for any reason". We are also aware that the "just one" motto is a piece of shit lie. Your an addict. Google "The Law of Addiction" if you don't believe me. Your picture might come up if you do an image search.
I too lied to my wife and hid my bad "habbit" from her for 15 years. I was a liar, a scum bag, a bad husband, and bad father, just a down right d bag. Choosing the can over my wife and family on more occasions then I care to remember. I'm still not sure I have fully forgiven myself. I'm not alone either...their are lots of dudes on here who have done the exact same shit you and I have done.
I too was scared by the big C. Got a nasty bump on the lip, thought is was cancer, had a panic attack, passed out, and landed in the hospital. Still didn't tell anyone, including the doctors so they sent me home after they determined my lip was fine.
So I went home and started dipping again, for about 3 days. Then all I could think about was, "what if next time it is cancer". I was a mess, had another panic attack, convinced I was dying and ended up back in the hospital for like 3 days. They tested my heart up down and every which way. It was fine...physically.
Finally as I laid in that bed with my entire family, including my wife, and all the doctors and nurses around me seeing I was in agony but unable to figure out why, I broke down...Told everyone in the room EVERYTHING. All the lies, how much I was doing it, when I would do it...EVERYTHING. Balled like a fucking BABY! At first they were shocked but seconds later they were relieved and started to cry with me. Even the doctor was like, "oh, okay this explains it."
I was lucky. My wife forgave me and said she would help me QUIT. So did my family. So I did.
I won't even go into detail about the struggles I have had to get to 241 days quit, but I just want to let you know you are not alone, and that this is going to suck more dick than Jenna Jameson. BUT...IT will totally be worth it. The freedom you will feel will be unreal.
Ultimately it is your decision, but I suggest you tell your wife. Quitting is hard enough, doing it behind someones back nearly impossible. I can't even describe the the weight that came off my shoulders when I told everyone. Again though, it is your choice.
Sorry I went so long on this, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Use this site to get you quit. Post roll, read read read and read some more. Educate yourself on nicotine addiction and how it controls you. Reach out to people, get #'s from people in your quit group, use chat...WHATEVER it takes to keep that shit out you mouth. NO MORE, "just one".
Never again, for any reason.
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Bleekerdogs,
Yes, I have done all of those things. Wow, good thing our wives didn't talk. I am so glad to be here and no, I won't fuck up. You either. Thanks a ton for the support.
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Diesel2112,
Thank you for the reply. I have thought about that and will tell my wife at some point. I'm not sure if now is the time. I feel that after I build up some more quit time, the conversation will go better (i.e. she won't be as pissed). It will be a very difficult discussion and I expect it to be similar to your experience, hopefully minus the hospital stay. Again, thank you for your thoughtful response and I'm glad to be here.
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Another thing that helped me get throught th first couple days was fake chew. Just having something packed in my face helped. Smokey Mountain Wintergreen and straight are sold at WalMart around here. Our motto is no NIC ever, there is none here. I can see myself keeping a can for long drives. Packs nice, decent flavor, spitable, just the right amount of lip bite. Won't kill Ya. and there is no fear of getting hooked on the stuff. Good luck.
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cr4,
Me and you are in the same boat bud. I have been dipping for just over 4 years and started just after i married my wife. She caught me a few times and made me feel like the idiot i was, but she never knew the extent at which i hid my secret. She thought it was just a baseball, golf, and softball thing i did when in reality it was something I did basically anytime she was not around. I'm on day 3 and i feel like my quit is a predestined event, like I can't fail at this. I am pushing through with a little restlessness but it's worth it. My firstborn is due in July and I plan on being the dad and husband i was called to be.
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CR4 we are a bunch of ingrate, reject and derelict addicts. Hell I lied to my wife for 32 years and missed out on so much of my daughters life growing up. Now I'm getting a second chance, grandkids are a blast! After leveling with my wife she said she knew all the time! She is my main support and advocate. I quit with you!
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Welcome cr4.
Lies. We's all full of lies. Except here. You will not lie to these people. You will not lie to yourself while in the presence of these people. There is indeed honor among thieves.
Post Roll Call...every day...first thing. Then be a man of your word.
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Welcome cr4.
Lies. We's all full of lies. Except here. You will not lie to these people. You will not lie to yourself while in the presence of these people. There is indeed honor among thieves.
Post Roll Call...every day...first thing. Then be a man of your word.
We are so fucked up! But loot is right, we've lied to those we love but we come here and keep our word to strangers! (Some more strange than others).
'Crazy'
Hopefully this leads us into being better in all aspects of our lives!
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Thanks for all the support on Day 1 yesterday. It was a great help and made me more anxious to get on here and post roll today. Day 2 today. I had to drive about 2 hours this morning round trip for work. These trips used to be great because that would give me two hours to myself and to dip. Today I was not looking forward to it because I knew there would be the urge to dip. But it was just me and a big mug of coffee. I forgot about the urge fairly quickly and the drive went fine. It was awesome:
1. Not to worry about whether I left any bits on the console or my clothes that my wife might see.
2. Not having to look in the mirror at my crappy teeth and digging pieces out with the corner of a piece of paper on both ends of the trip.
3. Having a nice big cup of hot coffee. I never drank it on these trips because it took away from the flavor of the dip.
4. Not having to find a gas station before I get back to pull up to the garbage cans and dump my spitter.
5. Not having to think about when I'll be able to get away for my next dip.
6. Many more, but most importantly not living a secret life or killing myself with that shit.
One last thing. It was great to give my wife a real kiss yesterday. Often it is just a weak peck on the lips because I am concerned that she would taste/smell that I had been dipping.
Freedom is a good thing.
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Good to read your post and welcome you to KTC. I am 37 days and assure you that you can do this. I've smoked and chewed for 53 years, and am quit and will remain so. Drink lots of water, have stuff to put in your mouth, and know that after 3 days the physical withdraw will end. That's when I started seeing the bitch nicotine more clearly, and became qware of the lies she tells. Best wished and I quit with you.
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Thanks for all the support on Day 1 yesterday. It was a great help and made me more anxious to get on here and post roll today. Day 2 today. I had to drive about 2 hours this morning round trip for work. These trips used to be great because that would give me two hours to myself and to dip. Today I was not looking forward to it because I knew there would be the urge to dip. But it was just me and a big mug of coffee. I forgot about the urge fairly quickly and the drive went fine. It was awesome:
1. Not to worry about whether I left any bits on the console or my clothes that my wife might see.
2. Not having to look in the mirror at my crappy teeth and digging pieces out with the corner of a piece of paper on both ends of the trip.
3. Having a nice big cup of hot coffee. I never drank it on these trips because it took away from the flavor of the dip.
4. Not having to find a gas station before I get back to pull up to the garbage cans and dump my spitter.
5. Not having to think about when I'll be able to get away for my next dip.
6. Many more, but most importantly not living a secret life or killing myself with that shit.
One last thing. It was great to give my wife a real kiss yesterday. Often it is just a weak peck on the lips because I am concerned that she would taste/smell that I had been dipping.
Freedom is a good thing.
Freedom is AWESOME. I quit with you man! Just hit my 31st day. It is a wonderful feeling to not have to hide part of your life anymore. Yes, I am an addict, but I am overcoming it, one day at a time.
Stay quit man, this site has been my ROCK!
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Day 8. I found myself getting a little overconfident with my quit . . . until today. I have been rolling along pretty good these past 8 days, nothing major. I did overcome a crave this morning. I was going into work a little later than my wife. Usually would run to the c-store as soon as she left so I could grab a tin. The thought ran through my head but I didn't. No huge deal, I got into work and signed the roll.
Then this afternoon, my wife lets me know that she is not going to be home tonight until after 8pm. My heart instantly started racing. An opportunity. I could have several hours of ninja time. Frankly, it is tough to write right now thinking about it.
"Perhaps I can be a once per 8 days dipper?", I thought trying to justify it as I always have. Then, I pulled the Contract to Give Up out of my wallet and read it over a few times. I read some posts and looked at a few cancer pics. I realized that this is just going to happen over and over again, just as it has in the past. If I don't get a hold of this now, another 20 years of putting this shit in my mouth is going to fly by, if cancer doesn't get me first.
Anyway, I signed the roll today, so I will not dip today or tonight. This is very difficult, but I thank KTC very much and all of my fellow quitters. I'm much feeling better now.
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It's amazing how we think - we can justify dipping any imaginable way. Even as I read your post I saw the opportunities for a ninja dip in my own life. But you said something that I hadn't considered - that this urge is going to keep happening, and if I don't get it under control now it will control me later.
Thanks!
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Wow, I haven't had as much time on this site lately as I used too, I haven't "needed" it as much as I used to either which is a great thing. I still post roll every day and I post support in my "boys" groups. But cr4 and these responses made me want to weight in with a little quitter love.
You guys are awesome, you are doing it today and that is what matters.... If i knew anything about computers I'd attach my intro thread and HOF speech because this was me 573 days ago. I lied to my wife for 11 years, I got caught once! She honestly had no idea I was an addict, I was that good at the ninja shit. I was also a dishonest sack of monkey shit. Every time I put a dip in it tasted like shame. I am an honest guy, I am a confident guy but my ass was owned by skoal mint and I hated myself for it. I lied to the most important person in my life every day because I was such a loser I couldn't break free. Well I did and now you have too. I will tell you this you have to tell her at some point I won't pretend to know your circumstances and tell you have to do it now but you have to do it. It is your last boat to burn. The night I told my wife I was 30 days or so in and it was the hardest conversation I ever had but I knew if I could do that I had broken the chains of my slavery once and for all, and I could experience the true intoxication of freedom.
I quit with you ex-ninja dippers today, and I am damn proud to do so, all damn day.
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Wow, I haven't had as much time on this site lately as I used too, I haven't "needed" it as much as I used to either which is a great thing. I still post roll every day and I post support in my "boys" groups. But cr4 and these responses made me want to weight in with a little quitter love.
You guys are awesome, you are doing it today and that is what matters.... If i knew anything about computers I'd attach my intro thread and HOF speech because this was me 573 days ago. I lied to my wife for 11 years, I got caught once! She honestly had no idea I was an addict, I was that good at the ninja shit. I was also a dishonest sack of monkey shit. Every time I put a dip in it tasted like shame. I am an honest guy, I am a confident guy but my ass was owned by skoal mint and I hated myself for it. I lied to the most important person in my life every day because I was such a loser I couldn't break free. Well I did and now you have too. I will tell you this you have to tell her at some point I won't pretend to know your circumstances and tell you have to do it now but you have to do it. It is your last boat to burn. The night I told my wife I was 30 days or so in and it was the hardest conversation I ever had but I knew if I could do that I had broken the chains of my slavery once and for all, and I could experience the true intoxication of freedom.
I quit with you ex-ninja dippers today, and I am damn proud to do so, all damn day.
Luby,
Thanks for the support. I did read through your intro and HOF. Both are very inspiring to me and It looks like I have a good roadmap for what I need to do. It is not a good time for that conversation now but it will happen. Thanks again.
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It's amazing how we think - we can justify dipping any imaginable way. Even as I read your post I saw the opportunities for a ninja dip in my own life. But you said something that I hadn't considered - that this urge is going to keep happening, and if I don't get it under control now it will control me later.
Thanks!
Ha, thank you! Your long drive post was one of the ones I read this afternoon. I thought shit, if this quitter was able to make it through a 15 hour drive, I can make it a few hours.
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One last thing about my difficult time yesterday. I don't know if there are any Clutch fans on KTC but when I got home last night, I put turned on some tunes on shuffle. The first track to come up was "Binge and Purge" by Clutch. F-ing awesome song to quit to and the lyrics fit eerily well.
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Emailed Chad CR4 after seeing him miss a few days post. He replied that this past weekend he got to drinking with friends and is now back into chewing full time. GUYs if we want to make this quit real we need to work through the triggers. It really pisses me off because CR4 walked the walk and was doing dam good. I want everyone on here to win, one day at a time. Together. I promise to you and myself today and will do so again tomorrow. Will You? 'Finger'
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Emailed Chad CR4 after seeing him miss a few days post. He replied that this past weekend he got to drinking with friends and is now back into chewing full time. GUYs if we want to make this quit real we need to work through the triggers. It really pisses me off because CR4 walked the walk and was doing dam good. I want everyone on here to win, one day at a time. Together. I promise to you and myself today and will do so again tomorrow. Will You? 'Finger'
CR4 - if you come back and read this, here is what you need to do - you need to stay the fuck away from those guys in drinking situations for a few months unless they pledge to quit and follow through. Maybe you need to turn into a hermit for a few months. Save some money up, buy your wife something nice with the booze money and chew money you have saved (or alternatively pay down some debt or build up some savings). She deserves it for putting up with your shit. Stop being a selfish asshole.
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Emailed Chad CR4 after seeing him miss a few days post. He replied that this past weekend he got to drinking with friends and is now back into chewing full time. GUYs if we want to make this quit real we need to work through the triggers. It really pisses me off because CR4 walked the walk and was doing dam good. I want everyone on here to win, one day at a time. Together. I promise to you and myself today and will do so again tomorrow. Will You? 'Finger'
hey bleeckerdogs, Sad to lose one to the nic bitch...BUT the fact is he wanted to drink and dip. He violated the first law of addiction, "he put the poison in his mouth".
Fuck him and all the pussy cavers! There is no try, we either do or die!
I want to live just like you bleeckerdogs. So, I wake, I promise not to dip today, I keep my word and I wake and REPEAT!
It is such a simple concept, yet it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, bar none!
If I can do this, then any other addict can too!
Cheers brother. Quit daily, quit early and Never Again For Any Reason!!!! 'bang head'
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Emailed Chad CR4 after seeing him miss a few days post. He replied that this past weekend he got to drinking with friends and is now back into chewing full time. GUYs if we want to make this quit real we need to work through the triggers. It really pisses me off because CR4 walked the walk and was doing dam good. I want everyone on here to win, one day at a time. Together. I promise to you and myself today and will do so again tomorrow. Will You? 'Finger'
CR4 - if you come back and read this, here is what you need to do - you need to stay the fuck away from those guys in drinking situations for a few months unless they pledge to quit and follow through. Maybe you need to turn into a hermit for a few months. Save some money up, buy your wife something nice with the booze money and chew money you have saved (or alternatively pay down some debt or build up some savings). She deserves it for putting up with your shit. Stop being a selfish asshole.
THIS.
First step to kicking the pity party of abuse and nicdiction is day of being quit. Another step is paying back those who suffered because of you. Treat the lass well!
My buddies will miss me at the bar and I honestly will too. But I'll miss it because I won't be blacked out and forgetting it as I was.
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Emailed Chad CR4 after seeing him miss a few days post. He replied that this past weekend he got to drinking with friends and is now back into chewing full time. GUYs if we want to make this quit real we need to work through the triggers. It really pisses me off because CR4 walked the walk and was doing dam good. I want everyone on here to win, one day at a time. Together. I promise to you and myself today and will do so again tomorrow. Will You? 'Finger'
CR4 - if you come back and read this, here is what you need to do - you need to stay the fuck away from those guys in drinking situations for a few months unless they pledge to quit and follow through. Maybe you need to turn into a hermit for a few months. Save some money up, buy your wife something nice with the booze money and chew money you have saved (or alternatively pay down some debt or build up some savings). She deserves it for putting up with your shit. Stop being a selfish asshole.
THIS.
First step to kicking the pity party of abuse and nicdiction is day of being quit. Another step is paying back those who suffered because of you. Treat the lass well!
My buddies will miss me at the bar and I honestly will too. But I'll miss it because I won't be blacked out and forgetting it as I was.
You have to want it.
Like, reeeeeeeeeeeeallllllllllllly want it.
Otherwise, it's pointless. Thanks for wasting our time.
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Emailed Chad CR4 after seeing him miss a few days post. He replied that this past weekend he got to drinking with friends and is now back into chewing full time. GUYs if we want to make this quit real we need to work through the triggers. It really pisses me off because CR4 walked the walk and was doing dam good. I want everyone on here to win, one day at a time. Together. I promise to you and myself today and will do so again tomorrow. Will You? 'Finger'
CR4 - if you come back and read this, here is what you need to do - you need to stay the fuck away from those guys in drinking situations for a few months unless they pledge to quit and follow through. Maybe you need to turn into a hermit for a few months. Save some money up, buy your wife something nice with the booze money and chew money you have saved (or alternatively pay down some debt or build up some savings). She deserves it for putting up with your shit. Stop being a selfish asshole.
THIS.
First step to kicking the pity party of abuse and nicdiction is day of being quit. Another step is paying back those who suffered because of you. Treat the lass well!
My buddies will miss me at the bar and I honestly will too. But I'll miss it because I won't be blacked out and forgetting it as I was.
You have to want it.
Like, reeeeeeeeeeeeallllllllllllly want it.
Otherwise, it's pointless. Thanks for wasting our time.
??? huh???
I'm not talking about dipping there. I'm talking about going out. But I don't miss it enough to want to go back.
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Emailed Chad CR4 after seeing him miss a few days post. He replied that this past weekend he got to drinking with friends and is now back into chewing full time. GUYs if we want to make this quit real we need to work through the triggers. It really pisses me off because CR4 walked the walk and was doing dam good. I want everyone on here to win, one day at a time. Together. I promise to you and myself today and will do so again tomorrow. Will You? 'Finger'
CR4 - if you come back and read this, here is what you need to do - you need to stay the fuck away from those guys in drinking situations for a few months unless they pledge to quit and follow through. Maybe you need to turn into a hermit for a few months. Save some money up, buy your wife something nice with the booze money and chew money you have saved (or alternatively pay down some debt or build up some savings). She deserves it for putting up with your shit. Stop being a selfish asshole.
THIS.
First step to kicking the pity party of abuse and nicdiction is day of being quit. Another step is paying back those who suffered because of you. Treat the lass well!
My buddies will miss me at the bar and I honestly will too. But I'll miss it because I won't be blacked out and forgetting it as I was.
You have to want it.
Like, reeeeeeeeeeeeallllllllllllly want it.
Otherwise, it's pointless. Thanks for wasting our time.
??? huh???
I'm not talking about dipping there. I'm talking about going out. But I don't miss it enough to want to go back.
cr4=Wasting our time
If he's back to "chewing full time", it means that any support thrown out to him was for nothing. It was pointless.
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Emailed Chad CR4 after seeing him miss a few days post. He replied that this past weekend he got to drinking with friends and is now back into chewing full time. GUYs if we want to make this quit real we need to work through the triggers. It really pisses me off because CR4 walked the walk and was doing dam good. I want everyone on here to win, one day at a time. Together. I promise to you and myself today and will do so again tomorrow. Will You? 'Finger'
CR4 - if you come back and read this, here is what you need to do - you need to stay the fuck away from those guys in drinking situations for a few months unless they pledge to quit and follow through. Maybe you need to turn into a hermit for a few months. Save some money up, buy your wife something nice with the booze money and chew money you have saved (or alternatively pay down some debt or build up some savings). She deserves it for putting up with your shit. Stop being a selfish asshole.
THIS.
First step to kicking the pity party of abuse and nicdiction is day of being quit. Another step is paying back those who suffered because of you. Treat the lass well!
My buddies will miss me at the bar and I honestly will too. But I'll miss it because I won't be blacked out and forgetting it as I was.
You have to want it.
Like, reeeeeeeeeeeeallllllllllllly want it.
Otherwise, it's pointless. Thanks for wasting our time.
??? huh???
I'm not talking about dipping there. I'm talking about going out. But I don't miss it enough to want to go back.
cr4=Wasting our time
If he's back to "chewing full time", it means that any support thrown out to him was for nothing. It was pointless.
Yea, I meant to EDIT my post. The way the quote and response system works here is a little different than what I am use to.
He quit quitting. Like a double negative....and it does not make a positive...
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I know a site like this won’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done. As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday. I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine. Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver. But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group. I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return.
Alcohol was involved and maybe didnÂ’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine. Then, I didnÂ’t post again this past Saturday. I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked. Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me. I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me. If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week. I do not want that.
Anyway, I donÂ’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all. I expect more of what has been posted below. If it happens again, youÂ’ll never hear from me. But it wonÂ’t. I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.
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I know a site like this won’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done. As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday. I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine. Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver. But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group. I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return.
Alcohol was involved and maybe didnÂ’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine. Then, I didnÂ’t post again this past Saturday. I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked. Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me. I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me. If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week. I do not want that.
Anyway, I donÂ’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all. I expect more of what has been posted below. If it happens again, youÂ’ll never hear from me. But it wonÂ’t. I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.
CR -
this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.
Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.
So:
1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said
2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have
3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.
Be strong and yell if you need anything.
I will be watching
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I know a site like this wonÂ’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done. As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday. I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine. Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver. But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group. I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return.Â
Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine. Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday. I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked. Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me. I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me. If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week. I do not want that.
Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all. I expect more of what has been posted below. If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me. But it won’t. I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.
CR -
this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.
Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.
So:
1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said
2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have
3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.
Be strong and yell if you need anything.
I will be watching
I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.
-
I know a site like this wonÂ’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done. As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday. I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine. Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver. But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group. I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return.Â
Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine. Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday. I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked. Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me. I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me. If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week. I do not want that.
Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all. I expect more of what has been posted below. If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me. But it won’t. I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.
CR -
this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.
Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.
So:
1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said
2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have
3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.
Be strong and yell if you need anything.
I will be watching
I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.
CR4....Epic Fail....
do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions
Then do this...
Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....
you get me?
-
I'm so angry i cant even post right. See above - and I still didn't get it right. See the last part of the post - starting with I'm fucking crushed.......
-
I know a site like this wonÂ’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done. As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday. I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine. Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver. But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group. I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return.Â
Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine. Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday. I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked. Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me. I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me. If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week. I do not want that.
Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all. I expect more of what has been posted below. If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me. But it won’t. I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.
CR -
this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.
Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.
So:
1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said
2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have
3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.
Be strong and yell if you need anything.
I will be watching
I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.
CR4....Epic Fail....
do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions
Then do this...
Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....
you get me?
I'm fucking crushed! I was reading this thread and literally copied the quote above because I was going to PM you and congratulate you on your balls and a quality quote- "this is just going to happen over and over again. I scroll up, and wham, you are sucking the nicotine dick again. FUCK! Really? Did you not read the advice? No alcohol for the first few weeks? I'm fucking pissed!
59 days for me. Fuck you and your weak excuses. If you're coming back here you better answer up and pay it back twice over. FUCK!
-
Day 8. I found myself getting a little overconfident with my quit . . . until today. I have been rolling along pretty good these past 8 days, nothing major. I did overcome a crave this morning. I was going into work a little later than my wife. Usually would run to the c-store as soon as she left so I could grab a tin. The thought ran through my head but I didn't. No huge deal, I got into work and signed the roll.
Then this afternoon, my wife lets me know that she is not going to be home tonight until after 8pm. My heart instantly started racing. An opportunity. I could have several hours of ninja time. Frankly, it is tough to write right now thinking about it.
"Perhaps I can be a once per 8 days dipper?", I thought trying to justify it as I always have. Then, I pulled the Contract to Give Up out of my wallet and read it over a few times. I read some posts and looked at a few cancer pics. I realized that this is just going to happen over and over again, just as it has in the past. If I don't get a hold of this now, another 20 years of putting this shit in my mouth is going to fly by, if cancer doesn't get me first.
Anyway, I signed the roll today, so I will not dip today or tonight. This is very difficult, but I thank KTC very much and all of my fellow quitters. I'm much feeling better now.
I'm fucking crushed! I was reading this thread and literally copied the quote above because I was going to PM you and congratulate you on your balls and a quality quote- "this is just going to happen over and over again. I scroll up, and wham, you are sucking the nicotine dick again. FUCK! Really? Did you not read the advice? No alcohol for the first few weeks? I'm fucking pissed!
59 days for me. Fuck you and your weak excuses. If you're coming back here you better answer up and pay it back twice over. FUCK!
DipWeez....spoken liken a true fucking champion who got betrayed by a brother...
Congrats to you on your day 8 .... 1 week is a fucking lifetime away from the Bitch....nice work
-
Wow, I haven't had as much time on this site lately as I used too, I haven't "needed" it as much as I used to either which is a great thing. I still post roll every day and I post support in my "boys" groups. But cr4 and these responses made me want to weight in with a little quitter love.
You guys are awesome, you are doing it today and that is what matters.... If i knew anything about computers I'd attach my intro thread and HOF speech because this was me 573 days ago. I lied to my wife for 11 years, I got caught once! She honestly had no idea I was an addict, I was that good at the ninja shit. I was also a dishonest sack of monkey shit. Every time I put a dip in it tasted like shame. I am an honest guy, I am a confident guy but my ass was owned by skoal mint and I hated myself for it. I lied to the most important person in my life every day because I was such a loser I couldn't break free. Well I did and now you have too. I will tell you this you have to tell her at some point I won't pretend to know your circumstances and tell you have to do it now but you have to do it. It is your last boat to burn. The night I told my wife I was 30 days or so in and it was the hardest conversation I ever had but I knew if I could do that I had broken the chains of my slavery once and for all, and I could experience the true intoxication of freedom.
I quit with you ex-ninja dippers today, and I am damn proud to do so, all damn day.
Luby,
Thanks for the support. I did read through your intro and HOF. Both are very inspiring to me and It looks like I have a good roadmap for what I need to do. It is not a good time for that conversation now but it will happen. Thanks again.
Telling a bad ass quitter via text I hadn't spent much time on site lately and felt bad about it. Logged on late tonight and see this. I wasted my time on this pile when I could of helped a real quitter? Fuck. Any real quitters pm me, I don't spend as much time on site as I used to but I'll help any real quitter that wants it.
-
Wow, I haven't had as much time on this site lately as I used too, I haven't "needed" it as much as I used to either which is a great thing. I still post roll every day and I post support in my "boys" groups. But cr4 and these responses made me want to weight in with a little quitter love.
You guys are awesome, you are doing it today and that is what matters.... If i knew anything about computers I'd attach my intro thread and HOF speech because this was me 573 days ago. I lied to my wife for 11 years, I got caught once! She honestly had no idea I was an addict, I was that good at the ninja shit. I was also a dishonest sack of monkey shit. Every time I put a dip in it tasted like shame. I am an honest guy, I am a confident guy but my ass was owned by skoal mint and I hated myself for it. I lied to the most important person in my life every day because I was such a loser I couldn't break free. Well I did and now you have too. I will tell you this you have to tell her at some point I won't pretend to know your circumstances and tell you have to do it now but you have to do it. It is your last boat to burn. The night I told my wife I was 30 days or so in and it was the hardest conversation I ever had but I knew if I could do that I had broken the chains of my slavery once and for all, and I could experience the true intoxication of freedom.
I quit with you ex-ninja dippers today, and I am damn proud to do so, all damn day.
Luby,
Thanks for the support. I did read through your intro and HOF. Both are very inspiring to me and It looks like I have a good roadmap for what I need to do. It is not a good time for that conversation now but it will happen. Thanks again.
Telling a bad ass quitter via text I hadn't spent much time on site lately and felt bad about it. Logged on late tonight and see this. I wasted my time on this pile when I could of helped a real quitter? Fuck. Any real quitters pm me, I don't spend as much time on site as I used to but I'll help any real quitter that wants it.
I just don't get it. The guy was quit barely a month yet he thought he had it kicked???? Does he not read the site? Does he not know that guys with commas do not have it kicked??? Hell he wasn't even halfway to the HOF.
Pretty weak to just say "fuck it" and throw everything away like that. No attempt to reach out, no text to anybody saying he was about to cave, did he have #'s? I'm sure he did but the Pussy chose not to use them. Instead he just flipped the bird at every person on this site, especially those like Luby who were trying to help him.
Theres a formula here that is proven to work. Follow it to a fucking T, or get the fuck out of here and quit wasting everyone's time.
-
Wow, I haven't had as much time on this site lately as I used too, I haven't "needed" it as much as I used to either which is a great thing. I still post roll every day and I post support in my "boys" groups. But cr4 and these responses made me want to weight in with a little quitter love.
You guys are awesome, you are doing it today and that is what matters.... If i knew anything about computers I'd attach my intro thread and HOF speech because this was me 573 days ago. I lied to my wife for 11 years, I got caught once! She honestly had no idea I was an addict, I was that good at the ninja shit. I was also a dishonest sack of monkey shit. Every time I put a dip in it tasted like shame. I am an honest guy, I am a confident guy but my ass was owned by skoal mint and I hated myself for it. I lied to the most important person in my life every day because I was such a loser I couldn't break free. Well I did and now you have too. I will tell you this you have to tell her at some point I won't pretend to know your circumstances and tell you have to do it now but you have to do it. It is your last boat to burn. The night I told my wife I was 30 days or so in and it was the hardest conversation I ever had but I knew if I could do that I had broken the chains of my slavery once and for all, and I could experience the true intoxication of freedom.
I quit with you ex-ninja dippers today, and I am damn proud to do so, all damn day.
Luby,
Thanks for the support. I did read through your intro and HOF. Both are very inspiring to me and It looks like I have a good roadmap for what I need to do. It is not a good time for that conversation now but it will happen. Thanks again.
Telling a bad ass quitter via text I hadn't spent much time on site lately and felt bad about it. Logged on late tonight and see this. I wasted my time on this pile when I could of helped a real quitter? Fuck. Any real quitters pm me, I don't spend as much time on site as I used to but I'll help any real quitter that wants it.
I just don't get it. The guy was quit barely a month yet he thought he had it kicked???? Does he not read the site? Does he not know that guys with commas do not have it kicked??? Hell he wasn't even halfway to the HOF.
Pretty weak to just say "fuck it" and throw everything away like that. No attempt to reach out, no text to anybody saying he was about to cave, did he have #'s? I'm sure he did but the Pussy chose not to use them. Instead he just flipped the bird at every person on this site, especially those like Luby who were trying to help him.
Theres a formula here that is proven to work. Follow it to a fucking T, or get the fuck out of here and quit wasting everyone's time.
Anything back from CR4?
-
Wow, I haven't had as much time on this site lately as I used too, I haven't "needed" it as much as I used to either which is a great thing. I still post roll every day and I post support in my "boys" groups. But cr4 and these responses made me want to weight in with a little quitter love.
You guys are awesome, you are doing it today and that is what matters.... If i knew anything about computers I'd attach my intro thread and HOF speech because this was me 573 days ago. I lied to my wife for 11 years, I got caught once! She honestly had no idea I was an addict, I was that good at the ninja shit. I was also a dishonest sack of monkey shit. Every time I put a dip in it tasted like shame. I am an honest guy, I am a confident guy but my ass was owned by skoal mint and I hated myself for it. I lied to the most important person in my life every day because I was such a loser I couldn't break free. Well I did and now you have too. I will tell you this you have to tell her at some point I won't pretend to know your circumstances and tell you have to do it now but you have to do it. It is your last boat to burn. The night I told my wife I was 30 days or so in and it was the hardest conversation I ever had but I knew if I could do that I had broken the chains of my slavery once and for all, and I could experience the true intoxication of freedom.
I quit with you ex-ninja dippers today, and I am damn proud to do so, all damn day.
Luby,
Thanks for the support. I did read through your intro and HOF. Both are very inspiring to me and It looks like I have a good roadmap for what I need to do. It is not a good time for that conversation now but it will happen. Thanks again.
Telling a bad ass quitter via text I hadn't spent much time on site lately and felt bad about it. Logged on late tonight and see this. I wasted my time on this pile when I could of helped a real quitter? Fuck. Any real quitters pm me, I don't spend as much time on site as I used to but I'll help any real quitter that wants it.
I just don't get it. The guy was quit barely a month yet he thought he had it kicked???? Does he not read the site? Does he not know that guys with commas do not have it kicked??? Hell he wasn't even halfway to the HOF.
Pretty weak to just say "fuck it" and throw everything away like that. No attempt to reach out, no text to anybody saying he was about to cave, did he have #'s? I'm sure he did but the Pussy chose not to use them. Instead he just flipped the bird at every person on this site, especially those like Luby who were trying to help him.
Theres a formula here that is proven to work. Follow it to a fucking T, or get the fuck out of here and quit wasting everyone's time.
Anything back from CR4?
He posted a day 2 and thats it. I pm'd him and crickets. He shit on this site and still has people reaching out.....
You can't quit for him
-
Wow, I haven't had as much time on this site lately as I used too, I haven't "needed" it as much as I used to either which is a great thing. I still post roll every day and I post support in my "boys" groups. But cr4 and these responses made me want to weight in with a little quitter love.
You guys are awesome, you are doing it today and that is what matters.... If i knew anything about computers I'd attach my intro thread and HOF speech because this was me 573 days ago. I lied to my wife for 11 years, I got caught once! She honestly had no idea I was an addict, I was that good at the ninja shit. I was also a dishonest sack of monkey shit. Every time I put a dip in it tasted like shame. I am an honest guy, I am a confident guy but my ass was owned by skoal mint and I hated myself for it. I lied to the most important person in my life every day because I was such a loser I couldn't break free. Well I did and now you have too. I will tell you this you have to tell her at some point I won't pretend to know your circumstances and tell you have to do it now but you have to do it. It is your last boat to burn. The night I told my wife I was 30 days or so in and it was the hardest conversation I ever had but I knew if I could do that I had broken the chains of my slavery once and for all, and I could experience the true intoxication of freedom.
I quit with you ex-ninja dippers today, and I am damn proud to do so, all damn day.
Luby,
Thanks for the support. I did read through your intro and HOF. Both are very inspiring to me and It looks like I have a good roadmap for what I need to do. It is not a good time for that conversation now but it will happen. Thanks again.
Telling a bad ass quitter via text I hadn't spent much time on site lately and felt bad about it. Logged on late tonight and see this. I wasted my time on this pile when I could of helped a real quitter? Fuck. Any real quitters pm me, I don't spend as much time on site as I used to but I'll help any real quitter that wants it.
I just don't get it. The guy was quit barely a month yet he thought he had it kicked???? Does he not read the site? Does he not know that guys with commas do not have it kicked??? Hell he wasn't even halfway to the HOF.
Pretty weak to just say "fuck it" and throw everything away like that. No attempt to reach out, no text to anybody saying he was about to cave, did he have #'s? I'm sure he did but the Pussy chose not to use them. Instead he just flipped the bird at every person on this site, especially those like Luby who were trying to help him.
Theres a formula here that is proven to work. Follow it to a fucking T, or get the fuck out of here and quit wasting everyone's time.
Anything back from CR4?
He posted a day 2 and thats it. I pm'd him and crickets. He shit on this site and still has people reaching out.....
You can't quit for him
Disappointing
-
I know a site like this wonÂ’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done. As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday. I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine. Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver. But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group. I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return.Â
Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine. Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday. I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked. Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me. I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me. If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week. I do not want that.
Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all. I expect more of what has been posted below. If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me. But it won’t. I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.
CR -
this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.
Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.
So:
1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said
2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have
3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.
Be strong and yell if you need anything.
I will be watching
I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.
CR4....Epic Fail....
do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions
Then do this...
Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....
you get me?
I wrote on Friday about my cave but have been asked to be more specific. I want to respond to Sir DerekÂ’s questions so that it might help me and others, so here goes:
1. What happened? – I was out drinking (strike one) with a couple of friends who are non-dippers. I was not falling over but would have been over the legal limit. We went to a second bar and I saw another group of friends, several of which I have dipped with and knew they would have some. I walked up to them to say hi (strike two). I saw the tin on the table(strike three). Within about 5 seconds later I had thrown my quit away. It was quick but again, I think the groundwork had been laid the week earlier. Then, on Monday I was on the road for work. I had already ruined my cave and was pissed at myself. What do I do when I’m pissed off? Buy a tin of course. Then, despite everything I have written on here or read before, I am having this dip and still thinking to myself “I got this”. I’ll dip this time and put it away for a week and maybe have one then. Those guys at KTC are going to be so pissed anyway, so I’ll just do this on my own. Needless to say, that can was gone on Tuesday and I had purchased another one Wednesday. By Thursday that was nearly gone and I was disgusted with myself. On top of it all, I had developed a nice sore on my inside lip which as you guys know is always scary as shit. Bleeckerdogs had PM’d me earlier in the week and I slunk in to read the postings about me. It sucked to hear but it was all true. I made the decision to suck it up, take the whipping that I knew I was going to receive and have received, and posted my cave and day 1 when I got to work on Friday.
2. Why it happened? It seemed almost like a planned cave in the sense that I had been thinking about “just one” in the week leading up to it more and more. I really hadn’t accepted the “addict” part of the equation as much as I should have. I don’t know if any of you have seen the television show Intervention on AE. I watch it fairly regularly. I watch these drug and alcohol users fucking up their lives and families and then go through the intervention before going to some rehab. Then at the end of the show I have always watched with interest to see how long the person lasted in rehab before relapsing. Some would make it but most leave and relapse within a few weeks. And I would always laugh at that, and say how could they be so weak? They’re ruining their life, their family’s lives and their health, all just for a momentary high? What loser addicts they are. Before my cave, I failed to recognize and accept, I mean REALLY recognize and accept, that I am no better than them. I’m actually worse than most of them. Most of them could make it more than 24 days.
3. What am I going to do differently? With the realization mentioned above, each day from now on I am going to post my quit days and “I am an addict” afterwards. That way I will not forget or think that I am stronger than I am. I will In addition, a couple of you have PM’d your numbers and if I start to hear myself talking about “just one”, I’ll be sure to get in contact with you or get on here to chat. I’ll also lay off the sauce for a while as I also should have done before. It would be good for me anyway. Lastly, I now appreciate more that even though it is my quit, it isn’t just about me. My cave affected others in a way I had not anticipated, until afterwards. I then thought about how it would have felt to me if the shoe was on the other foot. Everyone here has a right to pissed at me as I would have been pissed as well.
Thank you to those of you who have PMÂ’d or posted messages supporting me. I also thank those who have posted less supportive things, as it makes me more eager to earn your respect back and certainly has a deterrent effect on me. I don't want to go through this again.
-
I know a site like this wonÂ’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done. As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday. I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine. Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver. But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group. I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return.Â
Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine. Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday. I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked. Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me. I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me. If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week. I do not want that.
Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all. I expect more of what has been posted below. If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me. But it won’t. I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.
CR -
this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.
Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.
So:
1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said
2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have
3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.
Be strong and yell if you need anything.
I will be watching
I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.
CR4....Epic Fail....
do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions
Then do this...
Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....
you get me?
I wrote on Friday about my cave but have been asked to be more specific. I want to respond to Sir DerekÂ’s questions so that it might help me and others, so here goes:
1. What happened? – I was out drinking (strike one) with a couple of friends who are non-dippers. I was not falling over but would have been over the legal limit. We went to a second bar and I saw another group of friends, several of which I have dipped with and knew they would have some. I walked up to them to say hi (strike two). I saw the tin on the table(strike three). Within about 5 seconds later I had thrown my quit away. It was quick but again, I think the groundwork had been laid the week earlier. Then, on Monday I was on the road for work. I had already ruined my cave and was pissed at myself. What do I do when I’m pissed off? Buy a tin of course. Then, despite everything I have written on here or read before, I am having this dip and still thinking to myself “I got this”. I’ll dip this time and put it away for a week and maybe have one then. Those guys at KTC are going to be so pissed anyway, so I’ll just do this on my own. Needless to say, that can was gone on Tuesday and I had purchased another one Wednesday. By Thursday that was nearly gone and I was disgusted with myself. On top of it all, I had developed a nice sore on my inside lip which as you guys know is always scary as shit. Bleeckerdogs had PM’d me earlier in the week and I slunk in to read the postings about me. It sucked to hear but it was all true. I made the decision to suck it up, take the whipping that I knew I was going to receive and have received, and posted my cave and day 1 when I got to work on Friday.
2. Why it happened? It seemed almost like a planned cave in the sense that I had been thinking about “just one” in the week leading up to it more and more. I really hadn’t accepted the “addict” part of the equation as much as I should have. I don’t know if any of you have seen the television show Intervention on AE. I watch it fairly regularly. I watch these drug and alcohol users fucking up their lives and families and then go through the intervention before going to some rehab. Then at the end of the show I have always watched with interest to see how long the person lasted in rehab before relapsing. Some would make it but most leave and relapse within a few weeks. And I would always laugh at that, and say how could they be so weak? They’re ruining their life, their family’s lives and their health, all just for a momentary high? What loser addicts they are. Before my cave, I failed to recognize and accept, I mean REALLY recognize and accept, that I am no better than them. I’m actually worse than most of them. Most of them could make it more than 24 days.
3. What am I going to do differently? With the realization mentioned above, each day from now on I am going to post my quit days and “I am an addict” afterwards. That way I will not forget or think that I am stronger than I am. I will In addition, a couple of you have PM’d your numbers and if I start to hear myself talking about “just one”, I’ll be sure to get in contact with you or get on here to chat. I’ll also lay off the sauce for a while as I also should have done before. It would be good for me anyway. Lastly, I now appreciate more that even though it is my quit, it isn’t just about me. My cave affected others in a way I had not anticipated, until afterwards. I then thought about how it would have felt to me if the shoe was on the other foot. Everyone here has a right to pissed at me as I would have been pissed as well.
Thank you to those of you who have PMÂ’d or posted messages supporting me. I also thank those who have posted less supportive things, as it makes me more eager to earn your respect back and certainly has a deterrent effect on me. I don't want to go through this again.
Dear cr4, you must have numbers when you're young in your quit...MUST!
I have 3 numbers that I have sworn to call BEFORE I can dip....Get your numbers, make your promise to yourself and them...Your word is good, right? Or are you gonna pretend to be a special butterfly Sir?
You gotta reeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyy want to "be quit" to be quit!
Post roll
keep your word
wake and repeat
Balls to the wall Mister or you may be the next one diagnosed with CANCER!
If you don't wanna be quit, then simply fuck off and have a nice life with the nic bitch while we outlive you by 10-30 years....smelling good, living good, saving $$, living in the REAL instead of the fake that nic brought to your brain.
question: How could you possibly forget DAY 1????? 'bang head'
-
I know a site like this wonÂ’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done. As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday. I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine. Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver. But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group. I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return.Â
Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine. Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday. I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked. Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me. I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me. If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week. I do not want that.
Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all. I expect more of what has been posted below. If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me. But it won’t. I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.
CR -
this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.
Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.
So:
1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said
2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have
3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.
Be strong and yell if you need anything.
I will be watching
I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.
CR4....Epic Fail....
do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions
Then do this...
Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....
you get me?
I wrote on Friday about my cave but have been asked to be more specific. I want to respond to Sir DerekÂ’s questions so that it might help me and others, so here goes:
1. What happened? – I was out drinking (strike one) with a couple of friends who are non-dippers. I was not falling over but would have been over the legal limit. We went to a second bar and I saw another group of friends, several of which I have dipped with and knew they would have some. I walked up to them to say hi (strike two). I saw the tin on the table(strike three). Within about 5 seconds later I had thrown my quit away. It was quick but again, I think the groundwork had been laid the week earlier. Then, on Monday I was on the road for work. I had already ruined my cave and was pissed at myself. What do I do when I’m pissed off? Buy a tin of course. Then, despite everything I have written on here or read before, I am having this dip and still thinking to myself “I got this”. I’ll dip this time and put it away for a week and maybe have one then. Those guys at KTC are going to be so pissed anyway, so I’ll just do this on my own. Needless to say, that can was gone on Tuesday and I had purchased another one Wednesday. By Thursday that was nearly gone and I was disgusted with myself. On top of it all, I had developed a nice sore on my inside lip which as you guys know is always scary as shit. Bleeckerdogs had PM’d me earlier in the week and I slunk in to read the postings about me. It sucked to hear but it was all true. I made the decision to suck it up, take the whipping that I knew I was going to receive and have received, and posted my cave and day 1 when I got to work on Friday.
2. Why it happened? It seemed almost like a planned cave in the sense that I had been thinking about “just one” in the week leading up to it more and more. I really hadn’t accepted the “addict” part of the equation as much as I should have. I don’t know if any of you have seen the television show Intervention on AE. I watch it fairly regularly. I watch these drug and alcohol users fucking up their lives and families and then go through the intervention before going to some rehab. Then at the end of the show I have always watched with interest to see how long the person lasted in rehab before relapsing. Some would make it but most leave and relapse within a few weeks. And I would always laugh at that, and say how could they be so weak? They’re ruining their life, their family’s lives and their health, all just for a momentary high? What loser addicts they are. Before my cave, I failed to recognize and accept, I mean REALLY recognize and accept, that I am no better than them. I’m actually worse than most of them. Most of them could make it more than 24 days.
3. What am I going to do differently? With the realization mentioned above, each day from now on I am going to post my quit days and “I am an addict” afterwards. That way I will not forget or think that I am stronger than I am. I will In addition, a couple of you have PM’d your numbers and if I start to hear myself talking about “just one”, I’ll be sure to get in contact with you or get on here to chat. I’ll also lay off the sauce for a while as I also should have done before. It would be good for me anyway. Lastly, I now appreciate more that even though it is my quit, it isn’t just about me. My cave affected others in a way I had not anticipated, until afterwards. I then thought about how it would have felt to me if the shoe was on the other foot. Everyone here has a right to pissed at me as I would have been pissed as well.
Thank you to those of you who have PMÂ’d or posted messages supporting me. I also thank those who have posted less supportive things, as it makes me more eager to earn your respect back and certainly has a deterrent effect on me. I don't want to go through this again.
Dear cr4, you must have numbers when you're young in your quit...MUST!
I have 3 numbers that I have sworn to call BEFORE I can dip....Get your numbers, make your promise to yourself and them...Your word is good, right? Or are you gonna pretend to be a special butterfly Sir?
You gotta reeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyy want to "be quit" to be quit!
Post roll
keep your word
wake and repeat
Balls to the wall Mister or you may be the next one diagnosed with CANCER!
If you don't wanna be quit, then simply fuck off and have a nice life with the nic bitch while we outlive you by 10-30 years....smelling good, living good, saving $$, living in the REAL instead of the fake that nic brought to your brain.
question: How could you possibly forget DAY 1????? 'bang head'
It's easy to talk the talk.
Walk the walk man.
You've made my radar.
-
I know a site like this wonÂ’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done. As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday. I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine. Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver. But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group. I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return.Â
Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine. Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday. I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked. Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me. I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me. If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week. I do not want that.
Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all. I expect more of what has been posted below. If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me. But it won’t. I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.
CR -
this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.
Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.
So:
1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said
2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have
3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.
Be strong and yell if you need anything.
I will be watching
I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.
CR4....Epic Fail....
do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions
Then do this...
Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....
you get me?
I wrote on Friday about my cave but have been asked to be more specific. I want to respond to Sir DerekÂ’s questions so that it might help me and others, so here goes:
1. What happened? – I was out drinking (strike one) with a couple of friends who are non-dippers. I was not falling over but would have been over the legal limit. We went to a second bar and I saw another group of friends, several of which I have dipped with and knew they would have some. I walked up to them to say hi (strike two). I saw the tin on the table(strike three). Within about 5 seconds later I had thrown my quit away. It was quick but again, I think the groundwork had been laid the week earlier. Then, on Monday I was on the road for work. I had already ruined my cave and was pissed at myself. What do I do when I’m pissed off? Buy a tin of course. Then, despite everything I have written on here or read before, I am having this dip and still thinking to myself “I got this”. I’ll dip this time and put it away for a week and maybe have one then. Those guys at KTC are going to be so pissed anyway, so I’ll just do this on my own. Needless to say, that can was gone on Tuesday and I had purchased another one Wednesday. By Thursday that was nearly gone and I was disgusted with myself. On top of it all, I had developed a nice sore on my inside lip which as you guys know is always scary as shit. Bleeckerdogs had PM’d me earlier in the week and I slunk in to read the postings about me. It sucked to hear but it was all true. I made the decision to suck it up, take the whipping that I knew I was going to receive and have received, and posted my cave and day 1 when I got to work on Friday.
2. Why it happened? It seemed almost like a planned cave in the sense that I had been thinking about “just one” in the week leading up to it more and more. I really hadn’t accepted the “addict” part of the equation as much as I should have. I don’t know if any of you have seen the television show Intervention on AE. I watch it fairly regularly. I watch these drug and alcohol users fucking up their lives and families and then go through the intervention before going to some rehab. Then at the end of the show I have always watched with interest to see how long the person lasted in rehab before relapsing. Some would make it but most leave and relapse within a few weeks. And I would always laugh at that, and say how could they be so weak? They’re ruining their life, their family’s lives and their health, all just for a momentary high? What loser addicts they are. Before my cave, I failed to recognize and accept, I mean REALLY recognize and accept, that I am no better than them. I’m actually worse than most of them. Most of them could make it more than 24 days.
3. What am I going to do differently? With the realization mentioned above, each day from now on I am going to post my quit days and “I am an addict” afterwards. That way I will not forget or think that I am stronger than I am. I will In addition, a couple of you have PM’d your numbers and if I start to hear myself talking about “just one”, I’ll be sure to get in contact with you or get on here to chat. I’ll also lay off the sauce for a while as I also should have done before. It would be good for me anyway. Lastly, I now appreciate more that even though it is my quit, it isn’t just about me. My cave affected others in a way I had not anticipated, until afterwards. I then thought about how it would have felt to me if the shoe was on the other foot. Everyone here has a right to pissed at me as I would have been pissed as well.
Thank you to those of you who have PMÂ’d or posted messages supporting me. I also thank those who have posted less supportive things, as it makes me more eager to earn your respect back and certainly has a deterrent effect on me. I don't want to go through this again.
Dear cr4, you must have numbers when you're young in your quit...MUST!
I have 3 numbers that I have sworn to call BEFORE I can dip....Get your numbers, make your promise to yourself and them...Your word is good, right? Or are you gonna pretend to be a special butterfly Sir?
You gotta reeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyy want to "be quit" to be quit!
Post roll
keep your word
wake and repeat
Balls to the wall Mister or you may be the next one diagnosed with CANCER!
If you don't wanna be quit, then simply fuck off and have a nice life with the nic bitch while we outlive you by 10-30 years....smelling good, living good, saving $$, living in the REAL instead of the fake that nic brought to your brain.
question: How could you possibly forget DAY 1????? 'bang head'
It's easy to talk the talk.
Walk the walk man.
You've made my radar.
On wastepanel's radar.....out-fucking-standing!
CR4.....you are in for fun now....lets do this
-
I know a site like this wonÂ’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done. As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday. I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine. Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver. But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group. I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return.Â
Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine. Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday. I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked. Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me. I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me. If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week. I do not want that.
Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all. I expect more of what has been posted below. If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me. But it won’t. I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.
CR -
this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.
Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.
So:
1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said
2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have
3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.
Be strong and yell if you need anything.
I will be watching
I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.
CR4....Epic Fail....
do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions
Then do this...
Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....
you get me?
I wrote on Friday about my cave but have been asked to be more specific. I want to respond to Sir DerekÂ’s questions so that it might help me and others, so here goes:
1. What happened? – I was out drinking (strike one) with a couple of friends who are non-dippers. I was not falling over but would have been over the legal limit. We went to a second bar and I saw another group of friends, several of which I have dipped with and knew they would have some. I walked up to them to say hi (strike two). I saw the tin on the table(strike three). Within about 5 seconds later I had thrown my quit away. It was quick but again, I think the groundwork had been laid the week earlier. Then, on Monday I was on the road for work. I had already ruined my cave and was pissed at myself. What do I do when I’m pissed off? Buy a tin of course. Then, despite everything I have written on here or read before, I am having this dip and still thinking to myself “I got this”. I’ll dip this time and put it away for a week and maybe have one then. Those guys at KTC are going to be so pissed anyway, so I’ll just do this on my own. Needless to say, that can was gone on Tuesday and I had purchased another one Wednesday. By Thursday that was nearly gone and I was disgusted with myself. On top of it all, I had developed a nice sore on my inside lip which as you guys know is always scary as shit. Bleeckerdogs had PM’d me earlier in the week and I slunk in to read the postings about me. It sucked to hear but it was all true. I made the decision to suck it up, take the whipping that I knew I was going to receive and have received, and posted my cave and day 1 when I got to work on Friday.
2. Why it happened? It seemed almost like a planned cave in the sense that I had been thinking about “just one” in the week leading up to it more and more. I really hadn’t accepted the “addict” part of the equation as much as I should have. I don’t know if any of you have seen the television show Intervention on AE. I watch it fairly regularly. I watch these drug and alcohol users fucking up their lives and families and then go through the intervention before going to some rehab. Then at the end of the show I have always watched with interest to see how long the person lasted in rehab before relapsing. Some would make it but most leave and relapse within a few weeks. And I would always laugh at that, and say how could they be so weak? They’re ruining their life, their family’s lives and their health, all just for a momentary high? What loser addicts they are. Before my cave, I failed to recognize and accept, I mean REALLY recognize and accept, that I am no better than them. I’m actually worse than most of them. Most of them could make it more than 24 days.
3. What am I going to do differently? With the realization mentioned above, each day from now on I am going to post my quit days and “I am an addict” afterwards. That way I will not forget or think that I am stronger than I am. I will In addition, a couple of you have PM’d your numbers and if I start to hear myself talking about “just one”, I’ll be sure to get in contact with you or get on here to chat. I’ll also lay off the sauce for a while as I also should have done before. It would be good for me anyway. Lastly, I now appreciate more that even though it is my quit, it isn’t just about me. My cave affected others in a way I had not anticipated, until afterwards. I then thought about how it would have felt to me if the shoe was on the other foot. Everyone here has a right to pissed at me as I would have been pissed as well.
Thank you to those of you who have PMÂ’d or posted messages supporting me. I also thank those who have posted less supportive things, as it makes me more eager to earn your respect back and certainly has a deterrent effect on me. I don't want to go through this again.
Dear cr4, you must have numbers when you're young in your quit...MUST!
I have 3 numbers that I have sworn to call BEFORE I can dip....Get your numbers, make your promise to yourself and them...Your word is good, right? Or are you gonna pretend to be a special butterfly Sir?
You gotta reeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyy want to "be quit" to be quit!
Post roll
keep your word
wake and repeat
Balls to the wall Mister or you may be the next one diagnosed with CANCER!
If you don't wanna be quit, then simply fuck off and have a nice life with the nic bitch while we outlive you by 10-30 years....smelling good, living good, saving $$, living in the REAL instead of the fake that nic brought to your brain.
question: How could you possibly forget DAY 1????? 'bang head'
It's easy to talk the talk.
Walk the walk man.
You've made my radar.
On wastepanel's radar.....out-fucking-standing!
CR4.....you are in for fun now....lets do this
Through pm's I have talked to cr4.... I have decided he is worth my time on his second chance and I will do what I can to help him in his quit. Not sure why but I am investing in this guy but i am, and if he wants it as bad as i now beleive he does we are gonna have a quitter. I am proud to quit with cr4 today.
-
I know a site like this wonÂ’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done. As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday. I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine. Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver. But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group. I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return.Â
Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine. Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday. I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked. Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me. I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me. If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week. I do not want that.
Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all. I expect more of what has been posted below. If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me. But it won’t. I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.
CR -
this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.
Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.
So:
1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said
2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have
3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.
Be strong and yell if you need anything.
I will be watching
I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.
CR4....Epic Fail....
do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions
Then do this...
Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....
you get me?
I wrote on Friday about my cave but have been asked to be more specific. I want to respond to Sir DerekÂ’s questions so that it might help me and others, so here goes:
1. What happened? – I was out drinking (strike one) with a couple of friends who are non-dippers. I was not falling over but would have been over the legal limit. We went to a second bar and I saw another group of friends, several of which I have dipped with and knew they would have some. I walked up to them to say hi (strike two). I saw the tin on the table(strike three). Within about 5 seconds later I had thrown my quit away. It was quick but again, I think the groundwork had been laid the week earlier. Then, on Monday I was on the road for work. I had already ruined my cave and was pissed at myself. What do I do when I’m pissed off? Buy a tin of course. Then, despite everything I have written on here or read before, I am having this dip and still thinking to myself “I got this”. I’ll dip this time and put it away for a week and maybe have one then. Those guys at KTC are going to be so pissed anyway, so I’ll just do this on my own. Needless to say, that can was gone on Tuesday and I had purchased another one Wednesday. By Thursday that was nearly gone and I was disgusted with myself. On top of it all, I had developed a nice sore on my inside lip which as you guys know is always scary as shit. Bleeckerdogs had PM’d me earlier in the week and I slunk in to read the postings about me. It sucked to hear but it was all true. I made the decision to suck it up, take the whipping that I knew I was going to receive and have received, and posted my cave and day 1 when I got to work on Friday.
2. Why it happened? It seemed almost like a planned cave in the sense that I had been thinking about “just one” in the week leading up to it more and more. I really hadn’t accepted the “addict” part of the equation as much as I should have. I don’t know if any of you have seen the television show Intervention on AE. I watch it fairly regularly. I watch these drug and alcohol users fucking up their lives and families and then go through the intervention before going to some rehab. Then at the end of the show I have always watched with interest to see how long the person lasted in rehab before relapsing. Some would make it but most leave and relapse within a few weeks. And I would always laugh at that, and say how could they be so weak? They’re ruining their life, their family’s lives and their health, all just for a momentary high? What loser addicts they are. Before my cave, I failed to recognize and accept, I mean REALLY recognize and accept, that I am no better than them. I’m actually worse than most of them. Most of them could make it more than 24 days.
3. What am I going to do differently? With the realization mentioned above, each day from now on I am going to post my quit days and “I am an addict” afterwards. That way I will not forget or think that I am stronger than I am. I will In addition, a couple of you have PM’d your numbers and if I start to hear myself talking about “just one”, I’ll be sure to get in contact with you or get on here to chat. I’ll also lay off the sauce for a while as I also should have done before. It would be good for me anyway. Lastly, I now appreciate more that even though it is my quit, it isn’t just about me. My cave affected others in a way I had not anticipated, until afterwards. I then thought about how it would have felt to me if the shoe was on the other foot. Everyone here has a right to pissed at me as I would have been pissed as well.
Thank you to those of you who have PMÂ’d or posted messages supporting me. I also thank those who have posted less supportive things, as it makes me more eager to earn your respect back and certainly has a deterrent effect on me. I don't want to go through this again.
Dear cr4, you must have numbers when you're young in your quit...MUST!
I have 3 numbers that I have sworn to call BEFORE I can dip....Get your numbers, make your promise to yourself and them...Your word is good, right? Or are you gonna pretend to be a special butterfly Sir?
You gotta reeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyy want to "be quit" to be quit!
Post roll
keep your word
wake and repeat
Balls to the wall Mister or you may be the next one diagnosed with CANCER!
If you don't wanna be quit, then simply fuck off and have a nice life with the nic bitch while we outlive you by 10-30 years....smelling good, living good, saving $$, living in the REAL instead of the fake that nic brought to your brain.
question: How could you possibly forget DAY 1????? 'bang head'
It's easy to talk the talk.
Walk the walk man.
You've made my radar.
On wastepanel's radar.....out-fucking-standing!
CR4.....you are in for fun now....lets do this
Through pm's I have talked to cr4.... I have decided he is worth my time on his second chance and I will do what I can to help him in his quit. Not sure why but I am investing in this guy but i am, and if he wants it as bad as i now beleive he does we are gonna have a quitter. I am proud to quit with cr4 today.
CR4 - I quit with you today! I am glad to see you back and going strong.
-
I know a site like this wonÂ’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done. As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday. I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine. Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver. But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group. I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return.Â
Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine. Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday. I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked. Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me. I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me. If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week. I do not want that.
Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all. I expect more of what has been posted below. If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me. But it won’t. I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.
CR -
this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.
Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.
So:
1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said
2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have
3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.
Be strong and yell if you need anything.
I will be watching
I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.
CR4....Epic Fail....
do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions
Then do this...
Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....
you get me?
I wrote on Friday about my cave but have been asked to be more specific. I want to respond to Sir DerekÂ’s questions so that it might help me and others, so here goes:
1. What happened? – I was out drinking (strike one) with a couple of friends who are non-dippers. I was not falling over but would have been over the legal limit. We went to a second bar and I saw another group of friends, several of which I have dipped with and knew they would have some. I walked up to them to say hi (strike two). I saw the tin on the table(strike three). Within about 5 seconds later I had thrown my quit away. It was quick but again, I think the groundwork had been laid the week earlier. Then, on Monday I was on the road for work. I had already ruined my cave and was pissed at myself. What do I do when I’m pissed off? Buy a tin of course. Then, despite everything I have written on here or read before, I am having this dip and still thinking to myself “I got this”. I’ll dip this time and put it away for a week and maybe have one then. Those guys at KTC are going to be so pissed anyway, so I’ll just do this on my own. Needless to say, that can was gone on Tuesday and I had purchased another one Wednesday. By Thursday that was nearly gone and I was disgusted with myself. On top of it all, I had developed a nice sore on my inside lip which as you guys know is always scary as shit. Bleeckerdogs had PM’d me earlier in the week and I slunk in to read the postings about me. It sucked to hear but it was all true. I made the decision to suck it up, take the whipping that I knew I was going to receive and have received, and posted my cave and day 1 when I got to work on Friday.
2. Why it happened? It seemed almost like a planned cave in the sense that I had been thinking about “just one” in the week leading up to it more and more. I really hadn’t accepted the “addict” part of the equation as much as I should have. I don’t know if any of you have seen the television show Intervention on AE. I watch it fairly regularly. I watch these drug and alcohol users fucking up their lives and families and then go through the intervention before going to some rehab. Then at the end of the show I have always watched with interest to see how long the person lasted in rehab before relapsing. Some would make it but most leave and relapse within a few weeks. And I would always laugh at that, and say how could they be so weak? They’re ruining their life, their family’s lives and their health, all just for a momentary high? What loser addicts they are. Before my cave, I failed to recognize and accept, I mean REALLY recognize and accept, that I am no better than them. I’m actually worse than most of them. Most of them could make it more than 24 days.
3. What am I going to do differently? With the realization mentioned above, each day from now on I am going to post my quit days and “I am an addict” afterwards. That way I will not forget or think that I am stronger than I am. I will In addition, a couple of you have PM’d your numbers and if I start to hear myself talking about “just one”, I’ll be sure to get in contact with you or get on here to chat. I’ll also lay off the sauce for a while as I also should have done before. It would be good for me anyway. Lastly, I now appreciate more that even though it is my quit, it isn’t just about me. My cave affected others in a way I had not anticipated, until afterwards. I then thought about how it would have felt to me if the shoe was on the other foot. Everyone here has a right to pissed at me as I would have been pissed as well.
Thank you to those of you who have PMÂ’d or posted messages supporting me. I also thank those who have posted less supportive things, as it makes me more eager to earn your respect back and certainly has a deterrent effect on me. I don't want to go through this again.
Dear cr4, you must have numbers when you're young in your quit...MUST!
I have 3 numbers that I have sworn to call BEFORE I can dip....Get your numbers, make your promise to yourself and them...Your word is good, right? Or are you gonna pretend to be a special butterfly Sir?
You gotta reeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyy want to "be quit" to be quit!
Post roll
keep your word
wake and repeat
Balls to the wall Mister or you may be the next one diagnosed with CANCER!
If you don't wanna be quit, then simply fuck off and have a nice life with the nic bitch while we outlive you by 10-30 years....smelling good, living good, saving $$, living in the REAL instead of the fake that nic brought to your brain.
question: How could you possibly forget DAY 1????? 'bang head'
It's easy to talk the talk.
Walk the walk man.
You've made my radar.
On wastepanel's radar.....out-fucking-standing!
CR4.....you are in for fun now....lets do this
Through pm's I have talked to cr4.... I have decided he is worth my time on his second chance and I will do what I can to help him in his quit. Not sure why but I am investing in this guy but i am, and if he wants it as bad as i now beleive he does we are gonna have a quitter. I am proud to quit with cr4 today.
CR4 - I quit with you today! I am glad to see you back and going strong.
Thanks guys. I won't let you down. I'm feeling very renewed now. Even went to the gym to run a few miles on the treadmill. I had labrum/rotator cuff surgery on 12/18 and finally got the okay to jog from my ortho. While there, saw a dude dipping while lifting weights and spitting into the garbage can every few minutes. Rather than craving, I felt pity.
I also tried take the support I have been given the last few days here and pay it forward. I wrote a lengthy PM to another former May quitter dannygallegos who it looks like caved the same weekend I did. Hopefully he gets back in here.
Thanks again everyone for the asskicking and the support.
-
I know a site like this wonÂ’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done. As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday. I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine. Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver. But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group. I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return.Â
Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine. Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday. I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked. Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me. I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me. If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week. I do not want that.
Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all. I expect more of what has been posted below. If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me. But it won’t. I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.
CR -
this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.
Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.
So:
1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said
2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have
3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.
Be strong and yell if you need anything.
I will be watching
I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.
CR4....Epic Fail....
do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions
Then do this...
Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....
you get me?
I wrote on Friday about my cave but have been asked to be more specific. I want to respond to Sir DerekÂ’s questions so that it might help me and others, so here goes:
1. What happened? – I was out drinking (strike one) with a couple of friends who are non-dippers. I was not falling over but would have been over the legal limit. We went to a second bar and I saw another group of friends, several of which I have dipped with and knew they would have some. I walked up to them to say hi (strike two). I saw the tin on the table(strike three). Within about 5 seconds later I had thrown my quit away. It was quick but again, I think the groundwork had been laid the week earlier. Then, on Monday I was on the road for work. I had already ruined my cave and was pissed at myself. What do I do when I’m pissed off? Buy a tin of course. Then, despite everything I have written on here or read before, I am having this dip and still thinking to myself “I got this”. I’ll dip this time and put it away for a week and maybe have one then. Those guys at KTC are going to be so pissed anyway, so I’ll just do this on my own. Needless to say, that can was gone on Tuesday and I had purchased another one Wednesday. By Thursday that was nearly gone and I was disgusted with myself. On top of it all, I had developed a nice sore on my inside lip which as you guys know is always scary as shit. Bleeckerdogs had PM’d me earlier in the week and I slunk in to read the postings about me. It sucked to hear but it was all true. I made the decision to suck it up, take the whipping that I knew I was going to receive and have received, and posted my cave and day 1 when I got to work on Friday.
2. Why it happened? It seemed almost like a planned cave in the sense that I had been thinking about “just one” in the week leading up to it more and more. I really hadn’t accepted the “addict” part of the equation as much as I should have. I don’t know if any of you have seen the television show Intervention on AE. I watch it fairly regularly. I watch these drug and alcohol users fucking up their lives and families and then go through the intervention before going to some rehab. Then at the end of the show I have always watched with interest to see how long the person lasted in rehab before relapsing. Some would make it but most leave and relapse within a few weeks. And I would always laugh at that, and say how could they be so weak? They’re ruining their life, their family’s lives and their health, all just for a momentary high? What loser addicts they are. Before my cave, I failed to recognize and accept, I mean REALLY recognize and accept, that I am no better than them. I’m actually worse than most of them. Most of them could make it more than 24 days.
3. What am I going to do differently? With the realization mentioned above, each day from now on I am going to post my quit days and “I am an addict” afterwards. That way I will not forget or think that I am stronger than I am. I will In addition, a couple of you have PM’d your numbers and if I start to hear myself talking about “just one”, I’ll be sure to get in contact with you or get on here to chat. I’ll also lay off the sauce for a while as I also should have done before. It would be good for me anyway. Lastly, I now appreciate more that even though it is my quit, it isn’t just about me. My cave affected others in a way I had not anticipated, until afterwards. I then thought about how it would have felt to me if the shoe was on the other foot. Everyone here has a right to pissed at me as I would have been pissed as well.
Thank you to those of you who have PMÂ’d or posted messages supporting me. I also thank those who have posted less supportive things, as it makes me more eager to earn your respect back and certainly has a deterrent effect on me. I don't want to go through this again.
Dear cr4, you must have numbers when you're young in your quit...MUST!
I have 3 numbers that I have sworn to call BEFORE I can dip....Get your numbers, make your promise to yourself and them...Your word is good, right? Or are you gonna pretend to be a special butterfly Sir?
You gotta reeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyy want to "be quit" to be quit!
Post roll
keep your word
wake and repeat
Balls to the wall Mister or you may be the next one diagnosed with CANCER!
If you don't wanna be quit, then simply fuck off and have a nice life with the nic bitch while we outlive you by 10-30 years....smelling good, living good, saving $$, living in the REAL instead of the fake that nic brought to your brain.
question: How could you possibly forget DAY 1????? 'bang head'
It's easy to talk the talk.
Walk the walk man.
You've made my radar.
On wastepanel's radar.....out-fucking-standing!
CR4.....you are in for fun now....lets do this
Through pm's I have talked to cr4.... I have decided he is worth my time on his second chance and I will do what I can to help him in his quit. Not sure why but I am investing in this guy but i am, and if he wants it as bad as i now beleive he does we are gonna have a quitter. I am proud to quit with cr4 today.
CR4 - I quit with you today! I am glad to see you back and going strong.
Thanks guys. I won't let you down. I'm feeling very renewed now. Even went to the gym to run a few miles on the treadmill. I had labrum/rotator cuff surgery on 12/18 and finally got the okay to jog from my ortho. While there, saw a dude dipping while lifting weights and spitting into the garbage can every few minutes. Rather than craving, I felt pity.
I also tried take the support I have been given the last few days here and pay it forward. I wrote a lengthy PM to another former May quitter dannygallegos who it looks like caved the same weekend I did. Hopefully he gets back in here.
Thanks again everyone for the asskicking and the support.
Checking in CR4....how goes the battle?
-
I know a site like this wonÂ’t work for me or anyone here if there is no accountability for failure, so I have to own what I have done. As bleekerdogs said, I caved on Saturday night and then basically said “fuck it” and purchased a tin Monday. I purchased another one and then was back into my same old shitty routine. Yes, cr4 does equal a waste of time, selfish asshole and pussy caver. But I have dumped what was left and will be posting day 1 today with the June group. I apologize to bleekerdogs, Luby and others who had spent their time and energy on me, only for me to give them a big “fuck you” in return.Â
Alcohol was involved and maybe didn’t help, but I knew exactly what I was doing. I feel that groundwork for the cave had probably started the week or before when I failed to post for a weekend and did fine. Then, I didn’t post again this past Saturday. I was overconfident and spent less time reading or posting on the site, stupidly thinking that just a few weeks away from the shit meant I had it kicked. Needless to say, I am an idiot in addition to all the other things that have been posted about me. I realize that I, like all of you, am a nicotine addict and no amount of time spent away from it, whether it be days, weeks or years, is going to cure me. If I have even one sniff, I will be right back to my lying, disgusting self just like I was this past week. I do not want that.
Anyway, I don’t expect forgiveness or a welcome back parade from you all. I expect more of what has been posted below. If it happens again, you’ll never hear from me. But it won’t. I am more determined now, will be more active, read more here, post each and every day and will not use.
CR -
this is the time for you, It is a one way (back into the clutches of the nic bitch), or the other which looks like you have decided to do by posting up another DAY 1.
Let what you have done turn into a lesson for you. Look deep inside. You have part of it in your paragraph but for you own person, go ahead and list out those precious 3 questions that are to be answered. This is for you to learn and face, and also to use as you move forward.
So:
1 - What happened - go ahead and be specific as you have said
2 - Why it happened - again here list the specifics as you have
3 - What are you going to do differently to make sure this does not happen again - this is the one that takes the most thought, look around this site as there are many lessons that you can apply to this.
Be strong and yell if you need anything.
I will be watching
I like your honesty here cr4. Answer the 3 questions, it is for your own self reflection as well as for other quitters. The big one for me is #3. Did you have a quit plan before? If not, perhaps you should make one this time. You seem to now understand what being an addict is, keep that with you. The second you lose it, you've cracked the door back open.
CR4....Epic Fail....
do everything all the guys have said and answer the questions
Then do this...
Visualize yourself dead cuz you could not give up the bitch....see your wife with another guy....making love to him cuz you could not give up the bitch....see that guy with your kids, cuz you won't be there, cuz you are dead and fucking pussy that caved....
you get me?
I wrote on Friday about my cave but have been asked to be more specific. I want to respond to Sir DerekÂ’s questions so that it might help me and others, so here goes:
1. What happened? – I was out drinking (strike one) with a couple of friends who are non-dippers. I was not falling over but would have been over the legal limit. We went to a second bar and I saw another group of friends, several of which I have dipped with and knew they would have some. I walked up to them to say hi (strike two). I saw the tin on the table(strike three). Within about 5 seconds later I had thrown my quit away. It was quick but again, I think the groundwork had been laid the week earlier. Then, on Monday I was on the road for work. I had already ruined my cave and was pissed at myself. What do I do when I’m pissed off? Buy a tin of course. Then, despite everything I have written on here or read before, I am having this dip and still thinking to myself “I got this”. I’ll dip this time and put it away for a week and maybe have one then. Those guys at KTC are going to be so pissed anyway, so I’ll just do this on my own. Needless to say, that can was gone on Tuesday and I had purchased another one Wednesday. By Thursday that was nearly gone and I was disgusted with myself. On top of it all, I had developed a nice sore on my inside lip which as you guys know is always scary as shit. Bleeckerdogs had PM’d me earlier in the week and I slunk in to read the postings about me. It sucked to hear but it was all true. I made the decision to suck it up, take the whipping that I knew I was going to receive and have received, and posted my cave and day 1 when I got to work on Friday.
2. Why it happened? It seemed almost like a planned cave in the sense that I had been thinking about “just one” in the week leading up to it more and more. I really hadn’t accepted the “addict” part of the equation as much as I should have. I don’t know if any of you have seen the television show Intervention on AE. I watch it fairly regularly. I watch these drug and alcohol users fucking up their lives and families and then go through the intervention before going to some rehab. Then at the end of the show I have always watched with interest to see how long the person lasted in rehab before relapsing. Some would make it but most leave and relapse within a few weeks. And I would always laugh at that, and say how could they be so weak? They’re ruining their life, their family’s lives and their health, all just for a momentary high? What loser addicts they are. Before my cave, I failed to recognize and accept, I mean REALLY recognize and accept, that I am no better than them. I’m actually worse than most of them. Most of them could make it more than 24 days.
3. What am I going to do differently? With the realization mentioned above, each day from now on I am going to post my quit days and “I am an addict” afterwards. That way I will not forget or think that I am stronger than I am. I will In addition, a couple of you have PM’d your numbers and if I start to hear myself talking about “just one”, I’ll be sure to get in contact with you or get on here to chat. I’ll also lay off the sauce for a while as I also should have done before. It would be good for me anyway. Lastly, I now appreciate more that even though it is my quit, it isn’t just about me. My cave affected others in a way I had not anticipated, until afterwards. I then thought about how it would have felt to me if the shoe was on the other foot. Everyone here has a right to pissed at me as I would have been pissed as well.
Thank you to those of you who have PMÂ’d or posted messages supporting me. I also thank those who have posted less supportive things, as it makes me more eager to earn your respect back and certainly has a deterrent effect on me. I don't want to go through this again.
Dear cr4, you must have numbers when you're young in your quit...MUST!
I have 3 numbers that I have sworn to call BEFORE I can dip....Get your numbers, make your promise to yourself and them...Your word is good, right? Or are you gonna pretend to be a special butterfly Sir?
You gotta reeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyy want to "be quit" to be quit!
Post roll
keep your word
wake and repeat
Balls to the wall Mister or you may be the next one diagnosed with CANCER!
If you don't wanna be quit, then simply fuck off and have a nice life with the nic bitch while we outlive you by 10-30 years....smelling good, living good, saving $$, living in the REAL instead of the fake that nic brought to your brain.
question: How could you possibly forget DAY 1????? 'bang head'
It's easy to talk the talk.
Walk the walk man.
You've made my radar.
On wastepanel's radar.....out-fucking-standing!
CR4.....you are in for fun now....lets do this
Through pm's I have talked to cr4.... I have decided he is worth my time on his second chance and I will do what I can to help him in his quit. Not sure why but I am investing in this guy but i am, and if he wants it as bad as i now beleive he does we are gonna have a quitter. I am proud to quit with cr4 today.
CR4 - I quit with you today! I am glad to see you back and going strong.
Thanks guys. I won't let you down. I'm feeling very renewed now. Even went to the gym to run a few miles on the treadmill. I had labrum/rotator cuff surgery on 12/18 and finally got the okay to jog from my ortho. While there, saw a dude dipping while lifting weights and spitting into the garbage can every few minutes. Rather than craving, I felt pity.
I also tried take the support I have been given the last few days here and pay it forward. I wrote a lengthy PM to another former May quitter dannygallegos who it looks like caved the same weekend I did. Hopefully he gets back in here.
Thanks again everyone for the asskicking and the support.
Checking in CR4....how goes the battle?
It's actually going pretty well. I have been exercising more and that has helped out. No drinking this weekend either. Thanks for checking in.
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Day 9. Wife is gone today and tonight. In the past, I would dip the entire time she was gone. Today, I went to the gym instead. Afterwards, I thought it might be good to have some Smokey Mountain available in case I had an urge. Went to Wal-Mart and was met with blank stares when I asked for it. Then went to the c-store next door and asked if they had it or any no-nicotine alternative. The young girl behind the clerk said no, but they did have Grizzly Wintergreen (my old brand). No shit. It was tough enough just looking at the can display but to have this girl actually offer me a tin of my old stuff when I clearly did not want it, was almost humorous. "Um, no thanks" I said as I walked out the door.
I quit with you all today.
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Day 9. Wife is gone today and tonight. In the past, I would dip the entire time she was gone. Today, I went to the gym instead. Afterwards, I thought it might be good to have some Smokey Mountain available in case I had an urge. Went to Wal-Mart and was met with blank stares when I asked for it. Then went to the c-store next door and asked if they had it or any no-nicotine alternative. The young girl behind the clerk said no, but they did have Grizzly Wintergreen (my old brand). No shit. It was tough enough just looking at the can display but to have this girl actually offer me a tin of my old stuff when I clearly did not want it, was almost humorous. "Um, no thanks" I said as I walked out the door.
I quit with you all today.
Hell to the ?%"@ yes brother (inside May group joke). That truly is awesome being able to look the nic bitch in the face and say $!: OFF! Also being able to recognize the fact that a potential trigger might happen and be armed for battle with Smokey. Proud to be quit with you today.
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Day 22. Quit is rolling along fairly well. I've had some stressful situations come and go but no major craves since day 9. I ordered some Hooch to avoid the situation I had that day when I was unable to find a no-nic alternative anywhere. I tried some to see how it tasted. Unfortunately, I think more ended up on the floor than in my mouth. That is some messy stuff and hardly worth the cleanup involved. But at least I'll have it on hand, along with a broom, if I feel the need for it.
Perhaps it was because I used long cut and the Hooch is pretty fine cut. Hard to dump too much into your lip. So I might try to get some Smokey Mountain instead as I remember that being a less messy product.
A continued thanks to all my fellow quitters here. My quit gets stronger every day by reading how others are staying strong each day. Let's keep it up.
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Day 22. Quit is rolling along fairly well. I've had some stressful situations come and go but no major craves since day 9. I ordered some Hooch to avoid the situation I had that day when I was unable to find a no-nic alternative anywhere. I tried some to see how it tasted. Unfortunately, I think more ended up on the floor than in my mouth. That is some messy stuff and hardly worth the cleanup involved. But at least I'll have it on hand, along with a broom, if I feel the need for it.
Perhaps it was because I used long cut and the Hooch is pretty fine cut. Hard to dump too much into your lip. So I might try to get some Smokey Mountain instead as I remember that being a less messy product.
A continued thanks to all my fellow quitters here. My quit gets stronger every day by reading how others are staying strong each day. Let's keep it up.
Good Job C4. I'm on 35 and I've been using hooch when the going gets real tough. I like it which is probably not a good thing. I quit with you today and look forward to quiting with you tomorrow.
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Cr4, great job on your quit. I'm on day 24 and had a few serious craves the past day or two. So far i have been eating seeds all day long and it gets me through the craves. What are your thoughts on the fake stuff at this point in your quit?
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Cr4, great job on your quit. I'm on day 24 and had a few serious craves the past day or two. So far i have been eating seeds all day long and it gets me through the craves. What are your thoughts on the fake stuff at this point in your quit?
Congrats to you. This is the first time I used it in my quit. I don't think it is something I am going to want to or need to use regularly. I really want to get away from turning to a can of anything, real or not. It is nice to know that I have it available though if necessary.
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Day 48. I haven't been quit this long since some time in high school. I had been doing pretty well lately, no major craves to speak of, even when I was driving. However, Monday and today I was in the car for several hours each day and was craving big time. On Monday I used Smokey Mountain but was out today and just had to work through it. I hadn't had that issue before I started using the fake. I think I am going to have to quit the fake too as I find myself relying on it too much.
Overall, most days are pretty easy now. It is just overcoming the occassional whisper that makes my quit even stronger.
A continued thanks to everyone here on the KTC for helping me along the way. Reading your posts and the brother and sisterhood here keeps me going.
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Day 48. I haven't been quit this long since some time in high school. I had been doing pretty well lately, no major craves to speak of, even when I was driving. However, Monday and today I was in the car for several hours each day and was craving big time. On Monday I used Smokey Mountain but was out today and just had to work through it. I hadn't had that issue before I started using the fake. I think I am going to have to quit the fake too as I find myself relying on it too much.
Overall, most days are pretty easy now. It is just overcoming the occassional whisper that makes my quit even stronger.
A continued thanks to everyone here on the KTC for helping me along the way. Reading your posts and the brother and sisterhood here keeps me going.
I put down the fake in my 40's cr4. It was pretty easy to tell you the truth. I drive for a living, so at first I thought it was going to be difficult,, but I found it wasn't. I started using toothpicks and gum when I'm driving. The toothpicks seem to work just fine. While your driving for long periods the craves come, but beating them down is what we are getting use to. Eventually I hope the nic bitch just gives up. Glad to be quit with you brother.
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Day 48. I haven't been quit this long since some time in high school. I had been doing pretty well lately, no major craves to speak of, even when I was driving. However, Monday and today I was in the car for several hours each day and was craving big time. On Monday I used Smokey Mountain but was out today and just had to work through it. I hadn't had that issue before I started using the fake. I think I am going to have to quit the fake too as I find myself relying on it too much.Â
Overall, most days are pretty easy now. It is just overcoming the occassional whisper that makes my quit even stronger.
A continued thanks to everyone here on the KTC for helping me along the way. Reading your posts and the brother and sisterhood here keeps me going.
I put down the fake in my 40's cr4. It was pretty easy to tell you the truth. I drive for a living, so at first I thought it was going to be difficult,, but I found it wasn't. I started using toothpicks and gum when I'm driving. The toothpicks seem to work just fine. While your driving for long periods the craves come, but beating them down is what we are getting use to. Eventually I hope the nic bitch just gives up. Glad to be quit with you brother.
That's the day we die I'm afraid srans... keep your guard up guys.
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Day 48. I haven't been quit this long since some time in high school. I had been doing pretty well lately, no major craves to speak of, even when I was driving. However, Monday and today I was in the car for several hours each day and was craving big time. On Monday I used Smokey Mountain but was out today and just had to work through it. I hadn't had that issue before I started using the fake. I think I am going to have to quit the fake too as I find myself relying on it too much.Â
Overall, most days are pretty easy now. It is just overcoming the occassional whisper that makes my quit even stronger.
A continued thanks to everyone here on the KTC for helping me along the way. Reading your posts and the brother and sisterhood here keeps me going.
I put down the fake in my 40's cr4. It was pretty easy to tell you the truth. I drive for a living, so at first I thought it was going to be difficult,, but I found it wasn't. I started using toothpicks and gum when I'm driving. The toothpicks seem to work just fine. While your driving for long periods the craves come, but beating them down is what we are getting use to. Eventually I hope the nic bitch just gives up. Glad to be quit with you brother.
That's the day we die I'm afraid srans... keep your guard up guys.
"A cucumber can become a pickle.....but a pickle can never go back to being a cucumber"
L00t 7:13
Thanks be to 'loot04'
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Everyday cr4 posts "I am an addict" so he doesn't forget, today he posted "I'm a hall of fame addict"!!! I am damn proud to quit with him every day. Congrats on the HOF! I'll see ya tomorrow on roll.