KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: ForMyLife on October 26, 2014, 11:30:00 PM
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My apologies for the long post here - but I want to get this all out so I can look back on this day when I am victorious.
Tonight is a special night for me. I woke up this morning with no intention to quit my nicotine addiction, after praying the same prayer I have prayed for 6 years - for God to give me the courage, the wisdom, and the fear to quit dipping. My daughter will turn 6 years old in December, and my life has been dedicated to being the father to her I never had. Her entire life, each and every moment we have shared, I have had a pinch of Cope Reg or Skoal Extra Mint in my lip paired with a Zephyrhills water bottle filled with brown, slimy, dip spit in it. "What is that Daddy?" - "It's Daddy's gum honey, don't worry about it".
Each and every day I have played Barbie or Paw Patrol or Dora or you name it with her in her bedroom, I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
Each and every night I rocked her to sleep, I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
Each time we get in the car and drive anywhere, I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
Every single high school football game we go to, I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
Every single FSU football game and tailgate we go to (season ticket holder), I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
While she eats dessert after dinner - dip, Bath time - dip, story time - dip, tucking her in - dip.
Get the idea?
I am so sick and tired of being owned by this slave master. I am so sick and tired of having to make sure I have spit bottles in my car - I don't even drink the water in them because I am weary of BPAs in the plastic (What a riot, huh?). I buy them purely to dip in. I am a grade A, 100%, fraud when it comes to me and my ability to recognize that I have a problem - until tonight. I have an addiction. It is ruling my life. And I am pissed off, mad as hell, and sick and tired of being a pussy. I need an intervention because I know I cannot do this by myself.
I played football and ran track for 13 years, have won a state championship in high school football (Fort Walton Beach HS Class 5A 1995), started all 4 years in college at WR, PR, and KR, having ended up 2nd in the receiving records at my college in receptions, and have PRs in the 40 yards dash at 4.55s, the 400M at 46.50 - point being is I was a serious athlete up until 2001, when I graduated college and became an electrical engineer. I started smoking in 2001 (have no f-ing clue why - cant remember) and quit with the help of Chantix in 2004. Later that year I began dipping Skoal LC Mint and have been dipping ever since. This month marks 10 fvcking years of poisoning my body with this demon. I have "graduated" to a can a day habit of Skoal Extra LC Mint, and throw in a couple cans of Cope Reg (to mix it up). I go through well over 9 cans of dip each and every week of my life. 468 cans a year... I'm a big piece of crap and I'm owning it. It's time for me to stop acting like a bitch, grab by nuts, and get this done - for myself and for my daughter.
So tonight is very special for me. As I sit here and type this out I have tears running down my face - not because I'm happy and determined and rah rah rah - but because I am scared sh!tless. I'm not scared about being able to quit. Tonight is the last night I will ever dip. I'm scared about the next few days, the next few weeks, the next few years of the pain and anguish of NEEDING THE POISON AND NOT KNOWING HOW TO DEAL WITH IT. I have 4 cans of Skoal and 1 can of Cope sitting on my kitchen counter this red hot minute. When I hit "post topic", I want everyone here to know that immediately after doing that, I am going to get in my car and drive those 5 cans of poison to a dumpster somewhere and toss them. This is it. I am done. I look forward on leaning on anyone I can to get this done. I have hidden my addiction so well for so long, only a few people ever knew I dipped (easy when you're single I suppose). Those who know think I quit long ago. Oh yeah, I guess that makes me a lying scumbag, as well. That's over too. I'm taking the cape off - fully naked and exposed. I deserve the pain I am about to endure, and I will greet it with a sick twisted pleasure. The same sick twisted pleasure I used to greet getting knocked out by 250lb linebackers in college. It has to be this way. I don't want any sympathy from any of you. I don't want any coddling. I want you to kick me in my nuts and tell me to like it. It has to be this way. It has to be this way because of the bipolar nature of my mind when it comes to dipping (wanting to quit but not wanting to quit - over and over the thoughts change), but tonight is different. It is over.
Here and now my intentions are obviously selfish - and I have to focus on myself, but my hope is that when I am an established quitter - there will be work for me to do promote this cause and help others. 100 days from now I am planning getting some ink to commemorate the feat - that's truth.
This is for my life DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!! I'm sobbing like a bitch!!!!
Where the fvck do I roll call? I tried to click on the roll call link, and I was denied permission. Help me urgently!!!
Very Respectfully,
Jon
Shalimar, FL
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My apologies for the long post here - but I want to get this all out so I can look back on this day when I am victorious.
Tonight is a special night for me. I woke up this morning with no intention to quit my nicotine addiction, after praying the same prayer I have prayed for 6 years - for God to give me the courage, the wisdom, and the fear to quit dipping. My daughter will turn 6 years old in December, and my life has been dedicated to being the father to her I never had. Her entire life, each and every moment we have shared, I have had a pinch of Cope Reg or Skoal Extra Mint in my lip paired with a Zephyrhills water bottle filled with brown, slimy, dip spit in it. "What is that Daddy?" - "It's Daddy's gum honey, don't worry about it".
Each and every day I have played Barbie or Paw Patrol or Dora or you name it with her in her bedroom, I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
Each and every night I rocked her to sleep, I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
Each time we get in the car and drive anywhere, I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
Every single high school football game we go to, I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
Every single FSU football game and tailgate we go to (season ticket holder), I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
While she eats dessert after dinner - dip, Bath time - dip, story time - dip, tucking her in - dip.
Get the idea?
I am so sick and tired of being owned by this slave master. I am so sick and tired of having to make sure I have spit bottles in my car - I don't even drink the water in them because I am weary of BPAs in the plastic (What a riot, huh?). I buy them purely to dip in. I am a grade A, 100%, fraud when it comes to me and my ability to recognize that I have a problem - until tonight. I have an addiction. It is ruling my life. And I am pissed off, mad as hell, and sick and tired of being a pussy. I need an intervention because I know I cannot do this by myself.
I played football and ran track for 13 years, have won a state championship in high school football (Fort Walton Beach HS Class 5A 1995), started all 4 years in college at WR, PR, and KR, having ended up 2nd in the receiving records at my college in receptions, and have PRs in the 40 yards dash at 4.55s, the 400M at 46.50 - point being is I was a serious athlete up until 2001, when I graduated college and became an electrical engineer. I started smoking in 2001 (have no f-ing clue why - cant remember) and quit with the help of Chantix in 2004. Later that year I began dipping Skoal LC Mint and have been dipping ever since. This month marks 10 fvcking years of poisoning my body with this demon. I have "graduated" to a can a day habit of Skoal Extra LC Mint, and throw in a couple cans of Cope Reg (to mix it up). I go through well over 9 cans of dip each and every week of my life. 468 cans a year... I'm a big piece of crap and I'm owning it. It's time for me to stop acting like a bitch, grab by nuts, and get this done - for myself and for my daughter.
So tonight is very special for me. As I sit here and type this out I have tears running down my face - not because I'm happy and determined and rah rah rah - but because I am scared sh!tless. I'm not scared about being able to quit. Tonight is the last night I will ever dip. I'm scared about the next few days, the next few weeks, the next few years of the pain and anguish of NEEDING THE POISON AND NOT KNOWING HOW TO DEAL WITH IT. I have 4 cans of Skoal and 1 can of Cope sitting on my kitchen counter this red hot minute. When I hit "post topic", I want everyone here to know that immediately after doing that, I am going to get in my car and drive those 5 cans of poison to a dumpster somewhere and toss them. This is it. I am done. I look forward on leaning on anyone I can to get this done. I have hidden my addiction so well for so long, only a few people ever knew I dipped (easy when you're single I suppose). Those who know think I quit long ago. Oh yeah, I guess that makes me a lying scumbag, as well. That's over too. I'm taking the cape off - fully naked and exposed. I deserve the pain I am about to endure, and I will greet it with a sick twisted pleasure. The same sick twisted pleasure I used to greet getting knocked out by 250lb linebackers in college. It has to be this way. I don't want any sympathy from any of you. I don't want any coddling. I want you to kick me in my nuts and tell me to like it. It has to be this way. It has to be this way because of the bipolar nature of my mind when it comes to dipping (wanting to quit but not wanting to quit - over and over the thoughts change), but tonight is different. It is over.
Here and now my intentions are obviously selfish - and I have to focus on myself, but my hope is that when I am an established quitter - there will be work for me to do promote this cause and help others. 100 days from now I am planning getting some ink to commemorate the feat - that's truth.
This is for my life DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!! I'm sobbing like a bitch!!!!
Where the fvck do I roll call? I tried to click on the roll call link, and I was denied permission. Help me urgently!!!
Very Respectfully,
Jon
Shalimar, FL
Looks like you are ready.
Start here. It's the Welcome Center: forum/55560/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/forum/55560/)
Then go here, It's your Hall of Fame group Feb 2015: topic/10685990/2/#new (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/10685990/2/#new)
Welcome to a new you. It's going to suck but it does get better. Live chat (http://chat.killthecan.org/) is awesome
You will rage, do it here.
the rules of this place are simple:
1). Post Roll Daily (early in the am) This is your promise to remain quit
2). Be a man of your word
3). Be active on here. Help new quitters and get to know those in your group
Brotherhood + Accountability = Success
Don't waste the gas. Take those tins and flush their contents down the shitter, each and every one of them.
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I'm only 8 days ahead of you and I chewed for 23 years. Use this site A LOT! I've been reading every article and post I can and it helps tremendously. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. If u want my phone #, pm me. We can do this!
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Raider, thank you for your quick replay. It's done, 5 cans gone - just like that. I took pictures to commemorate the event.
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Raider, thank you for your quick replay. It's done, 5 cans gone - just like that. I took pictures to commemorate the event.
Congrats! Way to come clean with us and yourself. You will do fine. You want this. I quit with you today.
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I'm only 8 days ahead of you and I chewed for 23 years. Use this site A LOT! I've been reading every article and post I can and it helps tremendously. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. If u want my phone #, pm me. We can do this!
gooch44 - thank you! Same goes for me if you need me. We will do this!
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Raider, thank you for your quick replay. It's done, 5 cans gone - just like that. I took pictures to commemorate the event.
Congrats! Way to come clean with us and yourself. You will do fine. You want this. I quit with you today.
thank you grizzlyhasclaws. already feeling welcomed and am eager to engage the forum. this forum is a genius idea. wish I would have come across it earlier - product of me hiding for so long and not asking for help. looks like you've been clean for a year - do you ever get cravings that far out?
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Did I figure out how to post roll yet? That's a big deal around here and how u will earn respect. It's making that promise to yourself and to others that u will be nic free.
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Did I figure out how to post roll yet? That's a big deal around here and how u will earn respect. It's making that promise to yourself and to others that u will be nic free.
U not I...
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And check your inbox.
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Jon. We have a lot in common. I live in Florida, dipped for over 20 years and I am deeply involved in electrical contracting, engineering, and teaching. I quit 148 days ago and it has not been easy. I dipped over 2 cans a day and finally had enough of the wasted money and killing myself. You can do this. PM me if you need a number to text with.
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Jon. We have a lot in common. I live in Florida, dipped for over 20 years and I am deeply involved in electrical contracting, engineering, and teaching. I quit 148 days ago and it has not been easy. I dipped over 2 cans a day and finally had enough of the wasted money and killing myself. You can do this. PM me if you need a number to text with.
Florida Longhorn - thank you! It seems we do have a lot in common. I am at work now about to head into the lab. One of our techs dips all day long, even though it's against the rules, and nobody really cares... I'm a little anxious about the smell of it, but i have to face it. Half my life is in a lab filled with dippers and smokers. boot straps on!
BTW - congrats on being quit for 148 days! That is definitely quite an amazing achievement!
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Jon. We have a lot in common. I live in Florida, dipped for over 20 years and I am deeply involved in electrical contracting, engineering, and teaching. I quit 148 days ago and it has not been easy. I dipped over 2 cans a day and finally had enough of the wasted money and killing myself. You can do this. PM me if you need a number to text with.
Florida Longhorn - thank you! It seems we do have a lot in common. I am at work now about to head into the lab. One of our techs dips all day long, even though it's against the rules, and nobody really cares... I'm a little anxious about the smell of it, but i have to face it. Half my life is in a lab filled with dippers and smokers. boot straps on!
BTW - congrats on being quit for 148 days! That is definitely quite an amazing achievement!
I am around it all the time as well. I was teaching a group of 10 electricians this weekend and 4 of them had a dip in all day. It gets easier with time because it is a disgusting habit. The more time you are quit the nastier the smell will be to you. Hang in there. It takes time but it does get easier.
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Now THAT was a fucking intro. Welcome.
You're gonna be having some extreme headaches soon. Excedrin for Migraine helped me big time.
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Jon. We have a lot in common. I live in Florida, dipped for over 20 years and I am deeply involved in electrical contracting, engineering, and teaching. I quit 148 days ago and it has not been easy. I dipped over 2 cans a day and finally had enough of the wasted money and killing myself. You can do this. PM me if you need a number to text with.
Florida Longhorn - thank you! It seems we do have a lot in common. I am at work now about to head into the lab. One of our techs dips all day long, even though it's against the rules, and nobody really cares... I'm a little anxious about the smell of it, but i have to face it. Half my life is in a lab filled with dippers and smokers. boot straps on!
BTW - congrats on being quit for 148 days! That is definitely quite an amazing achievement!
I am around it all the time as well. I was teaching a group of 10 electricians this weekend and 4 of them had a dip in all day. It gets easier with time because it is a disgusting habit. The more time you are quit the nastier the smell will be to you. Hang in there. It takes time but it does get easier.
Got your PM - thank you for the digits. I have you and gooch in my phone now and will fire off if needed tonight. I am so happy Raider told me to dump the cans in the toilet... i have nothign to cheat with at home tonight. no cigars, nothing... i feel safe about it. its just going to suck. ill probably get mad - - probably run a few miles just out of anger. love this determination inside tho - like a raging fire... this forum is amazing. it's saving lives...
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Now THAT was a fucking intro. Welcome.
You're gonna be having some extreme headaches soon. Excedrin for Migraine helped me big time.
thanks man. i will keep that on hand. Looks like you are getting close to your 100 days! Have your cravings subsided totally by now? Is this really going to be a life long commitment for us all? Is it not possible to quit and forget about it all - or is it an addiction that will never leave us? It blows my mind to see some people on here that quit like 1500 days ago and they are still posting roll and active in the forum. God bless them!!!! It's insane!
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Welcome 4my....looks like you are off to a great start.
Congrats on your decision! Best one you will ever make.
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Welcome 4my....looks like you are off to a great start.
Congrats on your decision! Best one you will ever make.
I second what redtrain said. I met this badass in chat tonight and he has my support. Way to quit! Keep up the intensity!
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It was great talking to you tonight Jon. Stay strong! You're doing awesome. I've got your back anytime.
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Welcome 4my....looks like you are off to a great start.
Congrats on your decision! Best one you will ever make.
Thank you! Day 3 here, posted roll, and about to start digging in at work.
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Welcome 4my....looks like you are off to a great start.
Congrats on your decision! Best one you will ever make.
I second what redtrain said. I met this badass in chat tonight and he has my support. Way to quit! Keep up the intensity!
Starr_78!! Whats up homie? Yeah about last night - sorry for all the bad language and blow ups on the chat bro... i was craving like a whore. the nic bitch was licking my asshole all night long and you guys were there for me! thank you so much - i protected my quit hard and looking forward to another day of war! talk soon bro.
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It was great talking to you tonight Jon. Stay strong! You're doing awesome. I've got your back anytime.
goooooooooooooch - dude you were my lifeline last night. wish we were in the same quit group. i am here for you no matter what brother. you gave me some good stuff last night - and even late into the night and I really appreciate you man. last night was tough. tonight will probably be worse man... one hour at a time! I got your back gooch - you're the man!
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Now THAT was a fucking intro. Welcome.
You're gonna be having some extreme headaches soon. Excedrin for Migraine helped me big time.
thanks man. i will keep that on hand. Looks like you are getting close to your 100 days! Have your cravings subsided totally by now? Is this really going to be a life long commitment for us all? Is it not possible to quit and forget about it all - or is it an addiction that will never leave us? It blows my mind to see some people on here that quit like 1500 days ago and they are still posting roll and active in the forum. God bless them!!!! It's insane!
Nice intro dude. Love it. I will quit with you any day.
You know what's crazy about the forever thing? The guys I've seen on here who were quit for years and had one slip up, and went right back to their old habit. Read around on the site enough, and you'll find them. I can't remember the name, but I saw one a couple days ago that blew a 6 year quit. Nuts. No, the Nic Bitch will never leave us alone.
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Now THAT was a fucking intro. Welcome.
You're gonna be having some extreme headaches soon. Excedrin for Migraine helped me big time.
thanks man. i will keep that on hand. Looks like you are getting close to your 100 days! Have your cravings subsided totally by now? Is this really going to be a life long commitment for us all? Is it not possible to quit and forget about it all - or is it an addiction that will never leave us? It blows my mind to see some people on here that quit like 1500 days ago and they are still posting roll and active in the forum. God bless them!!!! It's insane!
Nice intro dude. Love it. I will quit with you any day.
You know what's crazy about the forever thing? The guys I've seen on here who were quit for years and had one slip up, and went right back to their old habit. Read around on the site enough, and you'll find them. I can't remember the name, but I saw one a couple days ago that blew a 6 year quit. Nuts. No, the Nic Bitch will never leave us alone.
I can personally attest to this. I blew a near 5 year quit literally just like that one drunken night in Mexico. Prior to that, I thought my quit nuts were made of fucking steel. Turns out, it was more like paper mache. It's not like I'd been romanticizing the nic bitch or even thinking about caving at the time. It was offered, I accepted, end of story. That was over 9 years ago.
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Now THAT was a fucking intro. Welcome.
You're gonna be having some extreme headaches soon. Excedrin for Migraine helped me big time.
thanks man. i will keep that on hand. Looks like you are getting close to your 100 days! Have your cravings subsided totally by now? Is this really going to be a life long commitment for us all? Is it not possible to quit and forget about it all - or is it an addiction that will never leave us? It blows my mind to see some people on here that quit like 1500 days ago and they are still posting roll and active in the forum. God bless them!!!! It's insane!
Nice intro dude. Love it. I will quit with you any day.
You know what's crazy about the forever thing? The guys I've seen on here who were quit for years and had one slip up, and went right back to their old habit. Read around on the site enough, and you'll find them. I can't remember the name, but I saw one a couple days ago that blew a 6 year quit. Nuts. No, the Nic Bitch will never leave us alone.
I can personally attest to this. I blew a near 5 year quit literally just like that one drunken night in Mexico. Prior to that, I thought my quit nuts were made of fucking steel. Turns out, it was more like paper mache. It's not like I'd been romanticizing the nic bitch or even thinking about caving at the time. It was offered, I accepted, end of story. That was over 9 years ago.
Dumpo and Tuco - wow man that's some crazy shit right there. I can't imagine what that would be like. it must feel horrible to have worked that hard only to cave.
I talked to my big brother today about the site and what I am doing. He is very proud of me - 43 years old and never got jiggy with the nic bitch. He said he didn't realize the dip had me gripped so bad. I told him I hide it's grip well. He said i'm a pussy. I laughed and we move on. love my big bro - glad he knows i'm a true addict now. it feels good to tell my friends and family the truth now - that I'm an addict. i'm addicted to dip... addicted like a bitch. addicted like a fucking bitch. but you know what? Because of this place, this home on the internet, i'm done worrying yall... every day now is dedicated to protecting my quit for my life. for my daughters life. my quit is bowed up tonight - ready to fight. have to be.
day 3 is tough man... muscles are cramping, headache, on edge, like a constant fire of uneasiness in my gut - I cannot hardly describe the pure fucking SUCK i am enduring tonight. I turn it into anger and it works. that fucking bitch. that fucking BITCH!!!! I UFCKING HATE THAT FUCKING BITCH!!!!!! you take her away for 3 fucking days and she does this to me!!! but if i keep her around my jaw falls off and i die in my 40s!!! I choose life you FUCKING WHORE!! You fucking DEMON!!!! FUCK!!! YOU!!!
FUCK YOU NIC!! TOMORROW CANT COME FAST ENOUGH. I POST ROLL DAY 4 AND I GIVE NICE THE MIDDLE FINGER AGAIN. THAT BITCH!!!
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also haven't taken a shit since sunday. when do I get to shit? This fucking whore - I hate her. I will never go through this again. EVER!!!!
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I love reading your posts....you always make me laugh. Love your honesty and attitude. Stay strong brother, we got this!
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Glad to be here in your corner Jon! Nice intro, nice attitude ... nice quit!!
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also haven't taken a shit since sunday. when do I get to shit? This fucking whore - I hate her. I will never go through this again. EVER!!!!
time to get some fiber man. but don't get to much cuz man you will fart all day. just like eatin beens.
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also haven't taken a shit since sunday. when do I get to shit? This fucking whore - I hate her. I will never go through this again. EVER!!!!
Not sure when, but get a pic and post it, the Ohio dudes (and some PA dudes) are into that.
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I love reading your posts....you always make me laugh. Love your honesty and attitude. Stay strong brother, we got this!
my brother from a different mother. protect your quit Gooch - nothing but love for you man. I'll always associate my Day 1 with you homie... I quit with you today, all day.
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Glad to be here in your corner Jon! Nice intro, nice attitude ... nice quit!!
Smeds - thanks for hitting me up on the phone today, sir. It is so cool to see vets like you swing back around and help the dumb (but bad) ass quitters in here. Look forward to getting to know you better and becoming your friend. I really appreciate the PMs and the info you are giving me on the site and how it works around here. You are quite the example for me - and I am taking notes. This is my first quit ever and will be my only quit. I will protect it AT ALL COSTS...
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'party' 'party2' 'dance' CONGRATS ON 100 DAYS QUIT JON! 'dance' 'party2' 'party'
Of course, you know you are not cured. Take the time to spin around, and look back at just how far you've come. Tomorrow turn your ass around and keep marching forward! Post-HOF is a known time of complacency ... how do you plan on counteracting that? Stay engaged, stay active ... stay quit bro. It's a simple formula; wake up, piss, post.
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Awesome my brother! Raised 3 kids youngest one 26 never seen olé pop without a dip till 37 days ago. Frigging crying ass shame! Quit on brother! Proud to be quit with you!
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'party' 'party2' 'dance' CONGRATS ON 100 DAYS QUIT JON! 'dance' 'party2' 'party'
Of course, you know you are not cured. Take the time to spin around, and look back at just how far you've come. Tomorrow turn your ass around and keep marching forward! Post-HOF is a known time of complacency ... how do you plan on counteracting that? Stay engaged, stay active ... stay quit bro. It's a simple formula; wake up, piss, post.
^^^true sage advice from a quit stud. Nice job on the HOF. Just keep repeating the +1's.
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Jon,
Just wanted to drop in and tell ya that your story inspired my quit that is now 42 days strong. I have had a ho-hum morning at work and was seeking inspiration on this site, and found it in your story. I dipped Skoal Mint Xtra as well (thought I was the only one) and I am also a state champion athlete. I am proud to be quit with you today! Keep the steel-toed boot to the throat of the NB, per se... I know I will.
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Congratulations on 200!!! You are one bad ass quitter and I am thankful you are in my group!
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Congratulations on 200!!! You are one bad ass quitter and I am thankful you are in my group!
Agree ^^^^^^^^^^ Congrats Brother!
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Damn I haven't revisited this thread in a long long time.... Looks like I have dropped the ball on thanking everyone for the support. I had no idea a bunch of this stuff was up here until today. I quit with you all!
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Congratulations on 300! Keep killing it!
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Congratulations on 300! Keep killing it!
Nice job on 300 great choices in a row!
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Congratulations on one year!
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Congratulations on one year!
Thanks KennyZ! You are the glue that holds us together! Thank you for being there for me. I am always here for you! I quit with you bro!
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My apologies for the long post here - but I want to get this all out so I can look back on this day when I am victorious.
Tonight is a special night for me. I woke up this morning with no intention to quit my nicotine addiction, after praying the same prayer I have prayed for 6 years - for God to give me the courage, the wisdom, and the fear to quit dipping. My daughter will turn 6 years old in December, and my life has been dedicated to being the father to her I never had. Her entire life, each and every moment we have shared, I have had a pinch of Cope Reg or Skoal Extra Mint in my lip paired with a Zephyrhills water bottle filled with brown, slimy, dip spit in it. "What is that Daddy?" - "It's Daddy's gum honey, don't worry about it".
Each and every day I have played Barbie or Paw Patrol or Dora or you name it with her in her bedroom, I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
Each and every night I rocked her to sleep, I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
Each time we get in the car and drive anywhere, I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
Every single high school football game we go to, I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
Every single FSU football game and tailgate we go to (season ticket holder), I have a dip in with a nasty spit bottle.
While she eats dessert after dinner - dip, Bath time - dip, story time - dip, tucking her in - dip.
Get the idea?
I am so sick and tired of being owned by this slave master. I am so sick and tired of having to make sure I have spit bottles in my car - I don't even drink the water in them because I am weary of BPAs in the plastic (What a riot, huh?). I buy them purely to dip in. I am a grade A, 100%, fraud when it comes to me and my ability to recognize that I have a problem - until tonight. I have an addiction. It is ruling my life. And I am pissed off, mad as hell, and sick and tired of being a pussy. I need an intervention because I know I cannot do this by myself.
I played football and ran track for 13 years, have won a state championship in high school football (Fort Walton Beach HS Class 5A 1995), started all 4 years in college at WR, PR, and KR, having ended up 2nd in the receiving records at my college in receptions, and have PRs in the 40 yards dash at 4.55s, the 400M at 46.50 - point being is I was a serious athlete up until 2001, when I graduated college and became an electrical engineer. I started smoking in 2001 (have no f-ing clue why - cant remember) and quit with the help of Chantix in 2004. Later that year I began dipping Skoal LC Mint and have been dipping ever since. This month marks 10 fvcking years of poisoning my body with this demon. I have "graduated" to a can a day habit of Skoal Extra LC Mint, and throw in a couple cans of Cope Reg (to mix it up). I go through well over 9 cans of dip each and every week of my life. 468 cans a year... I'm a big piece of crap and I'm owning it. It's time for me to stop acting like a bitch, grab by nuts, and get this done - for myself and for my daughter.
So tonight is very special for me. As I sit here and type this out I have tears running down my face - not because I'm happy and determined and rah rah rah - but because I am scared sh!tless. I'm not scared about being able to quit. Tonight is the last night I will ever dip. I'm scared about the next few days, the next few weeks, the next few years of the pain and anguish of NEEDING THE POISON AND NOT KNOWING HOW TO DEAL WITH IT. I have 4 cans of Skoal and 1 can of Cope sitting on my kitchen counter this red hot minute. When I hit "post topic", I want everyone here to know that immediately after doing that, I am going to get in my car and drive those 5 cans of poison to a dumpster somewhere and toss them. This is it. I am done. I look forward on leaning on anyone I can to get this done. I have hidden my addiction so well for so long, only a few people ever knew I dipped (easy when you're single I suppose). Those who know think I quit long ago. Oh yeah, I guess that makes me a lying scumbag, as well. That's over too. I'm taking the cape off - fully naked and exposed. I deserve the pain I am about to endure, and I will greet it with a sick twisted pleasure. The same sick twisted pleasure I used to greet getting knocked out by 250lb linebackers in college. It has to be this way. I don't want any sympathy from any of you. I don't want any coddling. I want you to kick me in my nuts and tell me to like it. It has to be this way. It has to be this way because of the bipolar nature of my mind when it comes to dipping (wanting to quit but not wanting to quit - over and over the thoughts change), but tonight is different. It is over.
Here and now my intentions are obviously selfish - and I have to focus on myself, but my hope is that when I am an established quitter - there will be work for me to do promote this cause and help others. 100 days from now I am planning getting some ink to commemorate the feat - that's truth.
This is for my life DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!! I'm sobbing like a bitch!!!!
Where the fvck do I roll call? I tried to click on the roll call link, and I was denied permission. Help me urgently!!!
Very Respectfully,
Jon
Shalimar, FL
Man. Talk about putting tears in a fellers eyes. After reading that you and I are similar. We both have a 6 year old daughter. Like you I have dipped through the same as you my friend. It's sickening to know but, not long ago my daughter was grabbing a bottle and spitting in it mocking me, at that time I thought that was the funniest thing I had ever seen. Now I want to kick my own ass for that. There is no humor in that whatsoever. You are on the right path, stick to it I know you have got this. If you need me my digits are xxx-xxx-xxxx. I'm on day 82 right now and I'm just like you we are in this one day at a time. Quit on!
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phone number has been edited out of a public post... please share via PM.
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Congrats on your first full circle around the sun. You my friend are kicking it's ass.
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Congrats on your first full circle around the sun. You my friend are kicking it's ass.
FML...... You Rock.
CONGRATS BROTHER!
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Congratulations on 400!
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400 is awesome. Just like McDonalds, Loving it!!!
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400 is awesome. Just like McDonalds, Loving it!!!
Congratulations John, look at daddy go! Damn proud of you and you should be also!
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Congratulations Jon on 500! I still think you have the best introduction.
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Congratulations on 600 days!
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Congratulations on 600 days!
Thanks bro... I need to do a better job of revisiting this page... Some real encouragement on here i'm missing out on... I'm so lucky to have you in my life - you are always there for me. I hope you know that I will always be there for you!
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Congratulations on 600 days!
Thanks bro... I need to do a better job of revisiting this page... Some real encouragement on here i'm missing out on... I'm so lucky to have you in my life - you are always there for me. I hope you know that I will always be there for you!
Bunch of quit talk in here...
Congrats FML
Stay strong brother....ODAAT.
Rawls 599
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Congratulations on 600 days!
Thanks bro... I need to do a better job of revisiting this page... Some real encouragement on here i'm missing out on... I'm so lucky to have you in my life - you are always there for me. I hope you know that I will always be there for you!
Bunch of quit talk in here...
Congrats FML
Stay strong brother....ODAAT.
Rawls 599
Badass 6th floor! Congratulations!
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Damn, your into hit home. All the talk about letting dip rule your time with your daughter mirrored my situation.
Congrats on hitting 600 days!
Go 'Noles!
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Congratulations on 700 days!
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Congratulations on 700 days!
Great job on the 7th floor!
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Congratulations on 2 years!!
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Congratulations on 2 years!!
Time flies when you're quit ... congrats bro, keep doing what you're doing!
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Belated congratulations on 800 days!
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Congratulations on 900 days!
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Congratulations on 1,000 days!
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Congratulations on 1,000 days!
Nice Dangler there FML!
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Congratulations on 3 years!
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Congratulations on 1,000 days!
Nice Dangler there FML!
DonÂ’t be hitting folks with that! Congratulations
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Congratulations on 3 years, stranger! I am about to bring day 11 to a close, and it is inspiring to see hardcore quitters like yourself.
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Bump.