KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: user29029 on July 07, 2015, 04:18:00 PM
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Thank you for reading this introduction, my record of quitting, and my accountability to anyone reading this.
I've been chewing for about 18 years, which is really hard for me to believe. I used to just chew on weekends, or with certain friends, or in any of several standard circumstances in which we like to chew. My true dependency started about 10 years ago. I started to chew to relieve the enormous stress I was encountering in my private equity role. I was the CFO or senior finance guy for nine different companies. If they needed someone to enter AP into Quickbooks, that is what I did. If they needed someone to negotiate with their three banks and 100 investors, that is what I did. There is a way to do that and survive, and I was not doing it that way.
One day, I was driving from one company that needed money to another company that had a shitty business plan and bad leader. I had to fix both companies. I was dying. I jammed what felt like a fist-full of chew in my mouth and started sucking. I pounded on the steering wheel, begging the nicotine to kick in and rescue me. You know the story - over time, it just took more and more.
I have a big family, and I have a highly visible role in business, so I am almost always around people. I chew any time I am alone - it is my solace, and it is my friend that knows me better than everyone else. I chew in the bathroom, in the car, and if I can hide it from my family, I hide and chew at home. My wife is aware that I chew, but other than the last time she gave me a hard time about it - years ago - we don't talk about it. I pretend to myself and to her that it is not a habit. She knows better, of course, but for some reason decided not to bicker about it any more. Probably choosing battles.
Last week, my company needed to take out a life insurance policy on me. When I saw the questions about tobacco, I knew that this time, unlike previous times getting insurance, I couldn't get away with lying and just cutting back a bit. I would need to quit in order to avoid the tobacco user premium. So, on July 2, I threw away the three cans of chew that I had laying around. Today, I am five days quit.
Almost right away, I was very lethargic. I had no idea how much I relied on the stimulant of nicotine. I got a bad headache that Advil wouldn't cure. A few days later, I entered the fog. Having never felt this way, I Googled withdrawal symptoms from chewing tobacco, and found all my symptoms on the NIH page. I also found this page. That was yesterday. I looked around, read some forums, met some people, and realized that holy shit - I am a bona fide addict. This isn't going to be easy.
Last night, I had insomnia. I finally fell asleep at 4am. I woke up again at 8am, and for some reason laid back down. I woke up three hours later. I'm hoping that this phase of the quit is almost over - I actually feel better today than I did yesterday. I got the advice of a couple people on the chat, and bought some seeds and some fake chew. I think the fake stuff might keep me company, because the truth is that I really miss that part. I like chewing, probably because I have associated it with being by myself for those rare moments when I can be. We'll see, and I get it that almost no one stays on the fake stuff forever, and there is a reason. I will encounter that reason at some point.
I know where my greatest risk of losing my quit lies. I don't lead a stress-free life. I have challenges, like all of us, managing my family and keeping everyone happy and raised well. This summer, with all of our kids around, their ridiculously expensive activities will add stress to my wife more than myself. I can already hear myself in the back of my head saying "get back on thew chew, you need to keep yourself up so you can help her stay up." I haven't told her about my quit. I haven't told her because I don't want her wondering how I am doing and worrying about my state of mind. I don't want her to carry any of the burden. I recognize the problem this brings - it is most wise to tell those around us about our quit, to keep us accountable and to keep them in our corner. Maybe I will tell her, and maybe I won't, but I am going to have to make this my journey as much as possible, because my best excuse is that I could "postpone" my quit and get her through the stressful period she is experiencing right now. I just got off the phone with her - I would rather be the same guy I was last week right now. But that guy was killing himself, and I can focus on the long game. She wouldn't get any short-term comfort from me telling her I quit; I can man up and do this. Maybe I will give her my 100 day coin when I earn it. Then she will know I'm actually quit.
And that is my focus now - 100 days. I am excited about the accountability of this site, and feeling the personal reward of knowing I made it to that milestone that seems a long fucking way away right now. I read someone's HOF entry today, which said that it was just another +1 day at this point. Coasting past 100 days sounds pretty good to me, and I believe that I can make it stick if I can make it that far.
Thank you, again, for reading this. I really appreciate the community and the accountability. I am really looking forward to writing my HOF post.
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So much of your post hits home for me. i am a partner at a cpa firm, so I get it. April 15th has been my excuse not to quit for years. I'm just sick of being to weak to quit.
Keep up the good work and reach out if needed. I'm going down the same road. You can do this.
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Thank you for reading this introduction, my record of quitting, and my accountability to anyone reading this.
I've been chewing for about 18 years, which is really hard for me to believe. I used to just chew on weekends, or with certain friends, or in any of several standard circumstances in which we like to chew. My true dependency started about 10 years ago. I started to chew to relieve the enormous stress I was encountering in my private equity role. I was the CFO or senior finance guy for nine different companies. If they needed someone to enter AP into Quickbooks, that is what I did. If they needed someone to negotiate with their three banks and 100 investors, that is what I did. There is a way to do that and survive, and I was not doing it that way.
One day, I was driving from one company that needed money to another company that had a shitty business plan and bad leader. I had to fix both companies. I was dying. I jammed what felt like a fist-full of chew in my mouth and started sucking. I pounded on the steering wheel, begging the nicotine to kick in and rescue me. You know the story - over time, it just took more and more.
I have a big family, and I have a highly visible role in business, so I am almost always around people. I chew any time I am alone - it is my solace, and it is my friend that knows me better than everyone else. I chew in the bathroom, in the car, and if I can hide it from my family, I hide and chew at home. My wife is aware that I chew, but other than the last time she gave me a hard time about it - years ago - we don't talk about it. I pretend to myself and to her that it is not a habit. She knows better, of course, but for some reason decided not to bicker about it any more. Probably choosing battles.
Last week, my company needed to take out a life insurance policy on me. When I saw the questions about tobacco, I knew that this time, unlike previous times getting insurance, I couldn't get away with lying and just cutting back a bit. I would need to quit in order to avoid the tobacco user premium. So, on July 2, I threw away the three cans of chew that I had laying around. Today, I am five days quit.
Almost right away, I was very lethargic. I had no idea how much I relied on the stimulant of nicotine. I got a bad headache that Advil wouldn't cure. A few days later, I entered the fog. Having never felt this way, I Googled withdrawal symptoms from chewing tobacco, and found all my symptoms on the NIH page. I also found this page. That was yesterday. I looked around, read some forums, met some people, and realized that holy shit - I am a bona fide addict. This isn't going to be easy.
Last night, I had insomnia. I finally fell asleep at 4am. I woke up again at 8am, and for some reason laid back down. I woke up three hours later. I'm hoping that this phase of the quit is almost over - I actually feel better today than I did yesterday. I got the advice of a couple people on the chat, and bought some seeds and some fake chew. I think the fake stuff might keep me company, because the truth is that I really miss that part. I like chewing, probably because I have associated it with being by myself for those rare moments when I can be. We'll see, and I get it that almost no one stays on the fake stuff forever, and there is a reason. I will encounter that reason at some point.
I know where my greatest risk of losing my quit lies. I don't lead a stress-free life. I have challenges, like all of us, managing my family and keeping everyone happy and raised well. This summer, with all of our kids around, their ridiculously expensive activities will add stress to my wife more than myself. I can already hear myself in the back of my head saying "get back on thew chew, you need to keep yourself up so you can help her stay up." I haven't told her about my quit. I haven't told her because I don't want her wondering how I am doing and worrying about my state of mind. I don't want her to carry any of the burden. I recognize the problem this brings - it is most wise to tell those around us about our quit, to keep us accountable and to keep them in our corner. Maybe I will tell her, and maybe I won't, but I am going to have to make this my journey as much as possible, because my best excuse is that I could "postpone" my quit and get her through the stressful period she is experiencing right now. I just got off the phone with her - I would rather be the same guy I was last week right now. But that guy was killing himself, and I can focus on the long game. She wouldn't get any short-term comfort from me telling her I quit; I can man up and do this. Maybe I will give her my 100 day coin when I earn it. Then she will know I'm actually quit.
And that is my focus now - 100 days. I am excited about the accountability of this site, and feeling the personal reward of knowing I made it to that milestone that seems a long fucking way away right now. I read someone's HOF entry today, which said that it was just another +1 day at this point. Coasting past 100 days sounds pretty good to me, and I believe that I can make it stick if I can make it that far.
Thank you, again, for reading this. I really appreciate the community and the accountability. I am really looking forward to writing my HOF post.
Welcome user, I'm an addict just like you, I used 38 of my 50 years here on this earth. I'm 192 days into freedom. I may be prejudice just a little but I feel like if I can do this, then by golly anybody can. I started on this journey sounded alot like you, dip is my best friend and I like my high, I can't manage without it,etc...but that was addict speak and now I hate the nasty cancer causing shit! Here's my 2 cents worth, learn to hate the shit! Post roll every damn day! Soon as you wake up! Get involved and stay that way! I love my freedom and without this place I would have done what I've done literally 100's of times before .....Caved! I'm getting closer everyday to realizing I can do this Odaat! EDD! Quit on my friend, life's great without the chains! Remember your wife's been tough shit before and you probably bailed her out so put your big boy britches on so her and your kids will have someone to bail them out!
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The only time you will finally be stress free is when you are dead. So looking for a 'good' time to quit when the stress level is low is akin to cooking the books.
All of us have had to figure out ways to deal with stress instead of giving into our addiction. I have become a work-out fanatic and carry around a bag of wintergreen life savers at all times.
Quitting right now and one day at a time is the right decision. You will start feeling better in a few weeks, hang in there.
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Welcome to the Crazy Train User.
I want to challenge you a bit...
What if your wife begged you to use it because she thought it was sexy!
What if you could grow a premium in your back yard and it was FREE!
What if Everybody you know family and employees used it every day all day long.
What if you didn't know anybody and were alone with NO family and or friends!
Would you do it?
Let it be JUST YOU quitting for YOU.
WHEN THAT HAPPENS.......... YOU CAN TELL THE WORLD!!!!!
When you struggle with temptation and craves...... those who have never used will never understand.
Jump on the train and let us help you get through that TEMPORARY feeling and thoughts, that are just a lie!
You/I were not created to need this poison..........
Find your New Identity........By saying NO...
One Day at a Time
I believe you can quit. I quit with you today.
Rawls232
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Welcome to the Crazy Train User.
I want to challenge you a bit...
What if your wife begged you to use it because she thought it was sexy!
What if you could grow a premium in your back yard and it was FREE!
What if Everybody you know family and employees used it every day all day long.
What if you didn't know anybody and were alone with NO family and or friends!
Would you do it?
Let it be JUST YOU quitting for YOU.
WHEN THAT HAPPENS.......... YOU CAN TELL THE WORLD!!!!!
When you struggle with temptation and craves...... those who have never used will never understand.
Jump on the train and let us help you get through that TEMPORARY feeling and thoughts, that are just a lie!
You/I were not created to need this poison..........
Find your New Identity........By saying NO...
One Day at a Time
I believe you can quit. I quit with you today.
Rawls232
You know whats stressful?
Cancer. Radiation. waiting for test results. Not entering data in a computer of fixing a business.
You attribute stress relief to chew. This is false thinking ( addict speak) nicotine does not relieve stress, it relieves withdrawl symptoms. Thats it.
You believe it relieves stress because relieving the withdrawls makes you feel better, calmer, etc. Its all bullshit.
Nic raises your blood pressure, and increases your stress levels.
You'll feel much better once you kick it.
sM
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So much of your post hits home for me. i am a partner at a cpa firm, so I get it. April 15th has been my excuse not to quit for years. I'm just sick of being to weak to quit.
Keep up the good work and reach out if needed. I'm going down the same road. You can do this.
Former Andersen here, brother. Plenty cans killed during Enron, plus a new baby that year. I will reach out, we can be quit buddies.
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Hey man!
We talked in the chat room a couple of days ago. I'm glad to see your intro here, and I just read it. It sounds to me like you used it for "stress relief". A lot of us rationalized our usage that way! Obviously you're quit now, but as the fog begins to lift, what might also be helpful is to think of ways dip and nicotine CAUSED you stress. I bring this up because if you can think of those, they can be powerful tools in reinforcing your quit. For example, you no longer have to worry about how much dip you have left, or staying up that extra hour to finish a dip off, or whatever else related to dipping that might have been causing you anxiety. Things that seemed inconsequential or went unnoticed, but actually may have been worrying you when you were dipping and no longer will be an issue now that you're quit. As far as nicotine relieving stress goes, a saying you'll often hear around here is "A Problem + Nicotine = 2 Problems" or some variation of that. It really is true!
Anyway, you're coming up on a week of being quit, and that rules. You also are getting involved with the community, and we always like to see that. Keep it up! Also, while the insomnia stuff sucks right now, I promise you your sleep will go back to normal before long. If using nicotine was a part of your before bed routine, it just takes a little bit for your brain to realize that is no longer a part of your routine. Caffeine-free herbal tea carried me through the insomnia, so maybe that's something you can try.
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User,
Welcome to KTC, and great intro by the way. Just wanted to throw out my two cents here, tell your wife that you are quit, she needs to know. The side effects of this journey are real and the bottom line is your not the same guy you were last week and she deserves to know why. The foundation of this site is accountability, we all make a promise to each other everyday to quit for this one day, and the bigger your quit support group is the less likely you will be to fail. To me, leaving your family and those that you are closest too out off this circle is a mistake. Before finding this site, I told everyone I knew that I was planning to quit and what date it was going to happen, because I knew I would let myself down, but I was less likely to let everyone else down. In the first weeks of my quit, every morning, I would apologize to my family and to everyone at work for the Ass I could potentially become.
I know without the support of the Badass Quitters on this site and the support of my family and friends, I personally would not have made it this far. On my HOF day, I came home to a shrine of congrats posters, streamers and balloons along with some of my favorite treats that my wife and daughter had put together. I was so overwhelmed by their support I actually started crying, I know real manly right. I get the fact that you don't want to burden your wife, but spending the next 100 days not being completely honest with her on what you are going thru may not be the best answer.
My point, you have been sneaking around long enough, share your journey with those closest too you.
Again, my .02, proud to quit with you brother.
Corbin 112
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User,
Welcome to KTC, and great intro by the way. Just wanted to throw out my two cents here, tell your wife that you are quit, she needs to know. The side effects of this journey are real and the bottom line is your not the same guy you were last week and she deserves to know why. The foundation of this site is accountability, we all make a promise to each other everyday to quit for this one day, and the bigger your quit support group is the less likely you will be to fail. To me, leaving your family and those that you are closest too out off this circle is a mistake. Before finding this site, I told everyone I knew that I was planning to quit and what date it was going to happen, because I knew I would let myself down, but I was less likely to let everyone else down. In the first weeks of my quit, every morning, I would apologize to my family and to everyone at work for the Ass I could potentially become.
I know without the support of the Badass Quitters on this site and the support of my family and friends, I personally would not have made it this far. On my HOF day, I came home to a shrine of congrats posters, streamers and balloons along with some of my favorite treats that my wife and daughter had put together. I was so overwhelmed by their support I actually started crying, I know real manly right. I get the fact that you don't want to burden your wife, but spending the next 100 days not being completely honest with her on what you are going thru may not be the best answer.
My point, you have been sneaking around long enough, share your journey with those closest too you.
Again, my .02, proud to quit with you brother.
Corbin 112
^^^ That was awesome!!^^^
Hey User - Welcome. I work in the finance/accounting area (endowment side). If you ever need anything, please PM me.
KennyZ
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User,
Welcome to KTC, and great intro by the way. Just wanted to throw out my two cents here, tell your wife that you are quit, she needs to know. The side effects of this journey are real and the bottom line is your not the same guy you were last week and she deserves to know why. The foundation of this site is accountability, we all make a promise to each other everyday to quit for this one day, and the bigger your quit support group is the less likely you will be to fail. To me, leaving your family and those that you are closest too out off this circle is a mistake. Before finding this site, I told everyone I knew that I was planning to quit and what date it was going to happen, because I knew I would let myself down, but I was less likely to let everyone else down. In the first weeks of my quit, every morning, I would apologize to my family and to everyone at work for the Ass I could potentially become.
I know without the support of the Badass Quitters on this site and the support of my family and friends, I personally would not have made it this far. On my HOF day, I came home to a shrine of congrats posters, streamers and balloons along with some of my favorite treats that my wife and daughter had put together. I was so overwhelmed by their support I actually started crying, I know real manly right. I get the fact that you don't want to burden your wife, but spending the next 100 days not being completely honest with her on what you are going thru may not be the best answer.
My point, you have been sneaking around long enough, share your journey with those closest too you.
Again, my .02, proud to quit with you brother.
Corbin 112
^^^ That was awesome!!^^^
Hey User - Welcome. I work in the finance/accounting area (endowment side). If you ever need anything, please PM me.
KennyZ
Damn Corbin. ...just damn! that was quit wood material!
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Six days in, and things are definitely different. I am still seriously tired. I can't recall being this consistently tired and sleeping this much. The fog has lifted, in the sense that I can think clearly, but I feel bored. I could drift off at a moment's notice and either fall asleep or daydream for a couple hours. There are a couple matters at work I should attend to - so today I took the poor manager's way out and scheduled a meeting! I will try to put on the inspiring leader mask for two hours, and hopefully convince my staff to get their shit in order without my direct intervention. And also, please bring your best ideas and save my brain from thinking today.
There is some great advice being left for me in this thread. Wow, I appreciate the insight.
Corbin, you are right, and I am going to tell my wife. I almost told her last night. For four hours yesterday afternoon, I felt amazing and I wanted to trust my new strength enough to let her know. I pussed out when I started wondering how long it would last. The thought processes I am having during my quit are very surprising to me. I am typically not this vulnerable and indecisive. But now I have decided, and I will tell her today. I am close to a week quit, so there should be some credibility to it. I might tell her about this community as well, but I always hate to expose my dependency on others. Yes, that is total bullshit and a shitty way to think. So therefore, I have also decided at this moment to tell her about this community. It is, after all, this community that will get me through this. I truly have no question about that.
Invader, we did meet on my first day, when I finally found the chat. That is an awesome place to hang out for awhile and build some support and relationships. It really is amazing to ever be in a place where everyone has something very important in common. That is something I rarely encounter in my life, and it is a great comfort. I looked into what you said, and I understand now. The need for nicotine that we feel is just our brain reinforcing the dependency - we are not achieving a mellow by using it. We are solely satisfying a need that only exists because we have been using it. Without using it, our brain will not ask for it - eventually. What a strange drug this is. I bet most of us can't remember more than a couple times in a year when we feel the buzz we used to feel from using it. Maybe we took a double dip, and got a buzz for two minutes. Every other time, several times a day, more than 1,000 times a year, we are just a monkey putting a peg in a hole with a deadly chemical. Fucking idiots.
Rawls, that's some funny analogies, and very thought provoking. I read your post several times to consider each point. It is true, and strange, this box we put ourselves in for no reward or reason. I'm ashamed when I think of my original reasons for dipping - it was fun to hang out with buddies, breaking the rules of "less interesting people than ourselves," sharing an addiction. In everyone's mind, even at the best of times chewing together, each of us must have realized we would one day quit. We were not being honest with ourselves about what that would take - or the shame we would feel when we finally realized we made ourselves totally vulnerable to a useless and damaging addiction. I have two friends who still chew, so five of my dipping friends quit before me. You asked, basically, would you chew if everyone around you did, or if everyone around you did not, and does it matter? The only way in which it matters is that I am ashamed that I still remain as one of us in the process of quitting. I am quitting for me, and because I found this community, I can quit for you as well. I know it helps you and anyone reading this to know a fellow quitter gets how you feel.
Skoal Monster, preach it. I can even think of the truth that most of the time when I was getting a dip, I knew that I was about to feel a little worse, not better. I didn't know about the physical side effects you mentioned. I remember wondering why my legs would shake during the first stairs I would encounter after a dip. Jesus Christ, what a fucking moron. Maybe I should have looked into that a long time ago? Maybe, but I doubt it would have made a difference. This is the first time I have decided to quit, and I really don't take action on maybes. This community has shown me the guts it takes to really decide to quit, and stay quit, and allow true accountability for that decision. I am excited that one day, I will be able to write an HOF speech, and explain why I know I can keep going. I'm looking forward to reading it myself, since I feel like the past six days were 100 days already. I have no idea what it will feel like to be that confident of my own quit.
Thank you for reading this. I hope that it is useful to you, because it is certainly useful to me to share it with you. See you guys at roll and on the chat. Another day quit together - pretty cool.
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Today is 7 days for me, and it feels like a big deal. I definitely feel better, and the need isn't there. The urge, however, still is. I bought some Smokey Mountain chew today, and used it during my normal habitual chew time. It took about five seconds before I could tell something was missing. I still remain surprised by how much I specifically loved nicotine. I honestly thought that chewing ground herbs from a can would be pretty much the same thing, and I underestimated the importance of the nicotine in my habit.
Anyway, one week quit is a good milestone, and I'm only going to reach my goal of 100 days one day at a time. Waiting for time to pass is excruciatingly slow. Every day needs to be a reward, or else waiting to celebrate at 7 days, 30 days, 100 days, will kill the quit. The quitters I have met who reach those long quits seem to say that one day at a time held more reward than 100 days anyway. By then, they are maintaining their quit, and 100 days is just another +1. The truth is, no one's goal is just 100 days - it is forever - but we want to get to 100 to celebrate, mark a time period that has credibility, and join the club. Goals are crucial, even if their significance becomes less and less as you get closer.
I told my wife about my quit and this website. She was happy to hear about my decision. She also told me that my youngest daughter would be relieved. I did not realize she was aware or had an opinion. I'm having a hard time coping with the notion that I have been willingly compromised or diminished in her eyes. Knowing this definitely makes "forever" a more tangible goal to be quit. This isn't just about me. At least I am on the right path.
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Today is 7 days for me, and it feels like a big deal. I definitely feel better, and the need isn't there. The urge, however, still is. I bought some Smokey Mountain chew today, and used it during my normal habitual chew time. It took about five seconds before I could tell something was missing. I still remain surprised by how much I specifically loved nicotine. I honestly thought that chewing ground herbs from a can would be pretty much the same thing, and I underestimated the importance of the nicotine in my habit.
Anyway, one week quit is a good milestone, and I'm only going to reach my goal of 100 days one day at a time. Waiting for time to pass is excruciatingly slow. Every day needs to be a reward, or else waiting to celebrate at 7 days, 30 days, 100 days, will kill the quit. The quitters I have met who reach those long quits seem to say that one day at a time held more reward than 100 days anyway. By then, they are maintaining their quit, and 100 days is just another +1. The truth is, no one's goal is just 100 days - it is forever - but we want to get to 100 to celebrate, mark a time period that has credibility, and join the club. Goals are crucial, even if their significance becomes less and less as you get closer.
I told my wife about my quit and this website. She was happy to hear about my decision. She also told me that my youngest daughter would be relieved. I did not realize she was aware or had an opinion. I'm having a hard time coping with the notion that I have been willingly compromised or diminished in her eyes. Knowing this definitely makes "forever" a more tangible goal to be quit. This isn't just about me. At least I am on the right path.
Learn to hate the nic and stop romanticising about fingering the can or you will never defeat this for you ,your wife ,daughter or anyone else! I beat if you were going for a cancer test you wouldn't be romanticising, come on man you've got the potential but that's not enough!
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Today is 7 days for me, and it feels like a big deal. I definitely feel better, and the need isn't there. The urge, however, still is. I bought some Smokey Mountain chew today, and used it during my normal habitual chew time. It took about five seconds before I could tell something was missing. I still remain surprised by how much I specifically loved nicotine. I honestly thought that chewing ground herbs from a can would be pretty much the same thing, and I underestimated the importance of the nicotine in my habit.
Anyway, one week quit is a good milestone, and I'm only going to reach my goal of 100 days one day at a time. Waiting for time to pass is excruciatingly slow. Every day needs to be a reward, or else waiting to celebrate at 7 days, 30 days, 100 days, will kill the quit. The quitters I have met who reach those long quits seem to say that one day at a time held more reward than 100 days anyway. By then, they are maintaining their quit, and 100 days is just another +1. The truth is, no one's goal is just 100 days - it is forever - but we want to get to 100 to celebrate, mark a time period that has credibility, and join the club. Goals are crucial, even if their significance becomes less and less as you get closer.
I told my wife about my quit and this website. She was happy to hear about my decision. She also told me that my youngest daughter would be relieved. I did not realize she was aware or had an opinion. I'm having a hard time coping with the notion that I have been willingly compromised or diminished in her eyes. Knowing this definitely makes "forever" a more tangible goal to be quit. This isn't just about me. At least I am on the right path.
Learn to hate the nic and stop romanticising about fingering the can or you will never defeat this for you ,your wife ,daughter or anyone else! I beat if you were going for a cancer test you wouldn't be romanticising, come on man you've got the potential but that's not enough!
Pab is exactly right here, putting the nic bitch up on a pedestal is a bad idea. This is a drug that controlled you, cost you money, took time away from your family as you would have to sneak off for another fix, forced you to put cancer ridden cat shit in you lip over and over. BE PISSED MY FRIEND, EXTREMELY PISSED!
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Congrats on 1 week nicotine free.
Get your head on straight. Your addict brain is fucking with you. Realize that you must hate that shit.
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I still remain surprised by how much I specifically loved nicotine. I honestly thought that chewing ground herbs from a can would be pretty much the same thing, and I underestimated the importance of the nicotine in my habit.
2 things jump out at me here. They're things you reeeeally need to work on...
1... As has been said, the whole "I love nicotine" thing is dangerous and wrong. What you "loved" was the endless cycle of having your withdrawal from nicotine, fixed by more nicotine. The word "slave" is strong but... true. You have to, need to, despise and hate it. Take off the blinders and really see this drug for what it is... evil.
2... Your continued use of the word "habit" is troubling. It doesn't have enough weight. Addiction --- there. It's an unsavory word and it hurts to admit you have one but... you do. We all do. Once I really understood and accepted that... my Quit was rock solid. Yours will be too if you get your head wrapped around it. Own it m'man... own it.
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Moving into day 9, and I'm feeling awesome. It is interesting to read intros of the brand new people, who are scared and miserable like I was, and realize that I was in their shoes so briefly ago. I don't have cravings, urges are rare, and my body is changing. My brain is not fucking with me any more.
I have been significantly more involved with the community that I expected to be. There are several people whose posts I read, and I quickly know they are someone I want to help or I can relate to. I've also sought the counsel of the people on here that seem the wisest. This community is great, and is part and parcel with my quit. I'm glad I found it. If you are reading this, and you are wondering if you can make it, read several other intro threads. Notice the change, and notice how quickly it happens - even though days feel like weeks right now. If you feel like shit today, you are merely days away from feeling better.
If you are dreaming about how great a dip would be, I'm not sure I can help you. That is fucking stupid. The people who make it know they were quit on day one. They just had to suffer the pain and the tests. Get your head on straight, then accept the suck.
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The people who make it know they were quit on day one.
I like it. The key ingredient to being a successful quitter is to KNOW that you CAN NOT and WILL NOT put another dip in. Not everyone necessarily understands their addiction on day one, but the quicker they can determine for themselves that Nic is not an option the better the odds that they will remain quit. Their comes a point in all of our quits when we realize that we are addicts and we can never have "just one". Hatred and understanding of our addiction is a requirement or we will repeat our enslavement.
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I just read the most humbling and inspiring intro thread on this site. Read this, and pray that you are half as tough as Traumagnet. I sure as hell do.
topic/1010002/1/ (http://forum.killthecan.org/topic/1010002/1/)
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How goes the one day at a time quit? You are kicking ass bud.
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Hey user, your mindset seems pretty good. Make sure you take time to appreciate each new day of freedom. Life is way better when you're not poisoning yourself.
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User, keep up the good work! Always good talking to you in chat. And yes, while I've never personally spoken to traumagnet, I have followed his story in his intro, and the man truly is inspiring. Sure makes it hard to go back on your daily promise to quit when you see a guy like him battling such an enemy and STILL remaining quit.
But yes, keep doing what you're doing! Seems to be working very well for you.
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Hey quitters, thanks for checking in. I'm still hanging tough, and I had a weekend surrounded by tobacco. Not only was the tobacco there, but it was in my favorite places to chew and smoke cigars. Long story, but at my favorite hotel, there is a fire where people traditionally smoke cigars. It was a nightly ritual for me in the past - even in the coldest of winter, and in the midst of snow, guests gather to smoke fireside and lakeside next to the best bar on the property. Hard to pass up, also hard was the ninja dipping I would do under the circumstances of the weekend.
But the truth is, it wasn't so hard that I had to make a real effort to avoid it - the logic and motive just don't align with my priorities any more. I am still conscious of the Traumagnet cautionary tale of the struggle to quit, the euphoria of reaching 100 days, the confidence of passing multiple years of abstinence, only to get a cancer diagnosis. We aren't in the clear just because we don't dip any more. So, yeah, tobacco didn't sound so good.
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Yeah some people never dip and get cancer and some people dip there whole life and never get cancer but I'm thinking my odds of beating cancer increased tremendously but hey if you will look at some of the horrific pictures of oral cancer from nic and it don't make you thank God you haven't already gotten cancer or died from the shit then you obviously are inhuman! Quit on , not worth the chance, and if you're dreaming about it everyday you better buckle down.
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Yeah some people never dip and get cancer and some people dip there whole life and never get cancer but I'm thinking my odds of beating cancer increased tremendously but hey if you will look at some of the horrific pictures of oral cancer from nic and it don't make you thank God you haven't already gotten cancer or died from the shit then you obviously are inhuman! Quit on , not worth the chance, and if you're dreaming about it everyday you better buckle down.
Love this fucking thread. Seems like you are over a major hurdle, but keep your seatbelt on, the next few months are still filled with plenty of highs and lows. If I can add anything, and believe me with so much input so far here you won't need much. First, avoiding dip is inevitable, in the gas station, in someone's pocket, etc. when I was at your stage I was petrified to see dip. What I really came to learn is I wasn't fighting dip. I was fighting my addiction. That fight doesn't change whether you see dip in front f you or not. Second, tell your wife. I won't elaborate as it has already been spelled out for you so well above, but having my wife on my side has been a huge boost for my well being. Good luck.
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keep digging 29029 dont just white knuckle it truly educate yourself...I would not temp her by being around the dip and smoke. Nicotine is one of the only substances that causes up regulation in your brain...which means basically that with other drugs you need more to feel it well with nicotine it actually causes growth of receptors so you need more because you have more receptors quite the opposite effect that other chemicals have.
All these saying here are not just sayings NAFAR is one that I am attached to also never again for any reason...some dont agree with that statement but its all I could see in the fog was that statement. We quit only once all the rest is just a stoppage. PM me you need anything.
Trauma
820
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Hey quitters, thanks for checking in. I'm still hanging tough, and I had a weekend surrounded by tobacco. Not only was the tobacco there, but it was in my favorite places to chew and smoke cigars. Long story, but at my favorite hotel, there is a fire where people traditionally smoke cigars. It was a nightly ritual for me in the past - even in the coldest of winter, and in the midst of snow, guests gather to smoke fireside and lakeside next to the best bar on the property. Hard to pass up, also hard was the ninja dipping I would do under the circumstances of the weekend.
But the truth is, it wasn't so hard that I had to make a real effort to avoid it - the logic and motive just don't align with my priorities any more. I am still conscious of the Traumagnet cautionary tale of the struggle to quit, the euphoria of reaching 100 days, the confidence of passing multiple years of abstinence, only to get a cancer diagnosis. We aren't in the clear just because we don't dip any more. So, yeah, tobacco didn't sound so good.
Right there with you on this User. Yesterday I played golf with some buddies that were smoking cigars the whole time we were out there. Typically I dipped while playing, but I would smoke cigars sometimes if I was playing with guys that didn't dip. Yesterday, I just watched them smoke away and I wasn't jealous or craving or anything really. I guess I was apathetic. It's just no longer part of my life. I've heard some guys on here refer to it as "slamming the door" and that's what it feels like for me. I had every opportunity in the world to kick back with a stogey yesterday, but I slammed the door on it, and I chose freedom. I'm quit with you today User, keep it up.
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keep digging 29029 dont just white knuckle it truly educate yourself...I would not temp her by being around the dip and smoke. Nicotine is one of the only substances that causes up regulation in your brain...which means basically that with other drugs you need more to feel it well with nicotine it actually causes growth of receptors so you need more because you have more receptors quite the opposite effect that other chemicals have.
All these saying here are not just sayings NAFAR is one that I am attached to also never again for any reason...some dont agree with that statement but its all I could see in the fog was that statement. We quit only once all the rest is just a stoppage. PM me you need anything.
Trauma
820
Trauma, we are on the same wave length. I try to be a student of the physiology and psychology of the addiction, habit, and process. We have to fight on several fronts to make this stick. I am also attached to NAFAR, specifically because I know that one day I will come up with a reason to go back, or I won't be able to think of a reason not to. Adopting a blanket principal against it is the way I need to go. Thanks again for weighing in, I'm honored to have you in here.
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Proud to quit with you today sir. You are stacking up wins one day at a time.
Mountains start of anthills. Keep killing it.
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User my brother you are blowing it up my brother. You understand that this shits not easy and you will fight for your freedom the rest of your life one day at a time! I'm right beside you I never want to go back to the poison, I will post roll make my promise again tomorrow! Quit on my brother!
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Keep up carrying that torch we are all here get numbers if you dont if u need one I can have mine pm me. Getting numbers is not ghey it adds another level of realism and accountability. Keep your guard up on the weekends have a safety plan...which involves pulling the trigger if u start to teeter. Keep your head up it gets better better beyond your wildest dreams.
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Proud as hell of you and your story today bro. Early congrats on that hundo tomorrow too, you sir have earned it. 'Cheers'
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HAPPY HOF DAY
User!
very proud to quit with you today.. cheers to all your +1's!
'party2'
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User8675309,
Well done, sir! I remember your first day here, and somehow I just knew you'd get to this point. Congrats!
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User8675309,
Well done, sir! I remember your first day here, and somehow I just knew you'd get to this point. Congrats!
No suprise, congrats and don't change a damn thing, it's working! Quit on!
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User8675309,
Well done, sir! I remember your first day here, and somehow I just knew you'd get to this point. Congrats!
No suprise, congrats and don't change a damn thing, it's working! Quit on!
Congratulations on a big win, the first of many. You fought hard to get here, and the pride you feel about HOF is just the beginning. The happiness your family feels is something that no one can ever take away.
Quit with you today!
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User. Like Vader above at your 100, i still remember your first day here.
Congrats on your day 200.
Celebrate it and keep up the strong quit.
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User. Like Vader above at your 100, i still remember your first day here.
Congrats on your day 200.
Celebrate it and keep up the strong quit.
200 is awesome brother! Quit on!