KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum

Community => Introductions => Topic started by: boatdriver on March 04, 2009, 03:40:00 PM

Title: Tired of Lying & Deception
Post by: boatdriver on March 04, 2009, 03:40:00 PM
What the fuck has been wrong with me for 50% of my life? 'bang head'

Constantly hiding this shit from family, wife, kids, everyone who's normal. It's over. I've had it. I don't have the energy anymore, I've got more important things to do than worry about than where I hid my last spitter. Thank God I haven't had to explain that gross looking Diet Coke to one of my kids yet. If I've got any balls at all, now I won't have to.

Monday was Day 1. Today is Day 3.
Title: Re: Tired of Lying & Deception
Post by: bman50317 on March 04, 2009, 05:02:00 PM
Quote from: boatdriver
What the fuck has been wrong with me for 50% of my life? 'bang head'

Constantly hiding this shit from family, wife, kids, everyone who's normal. It's over. I've had it. I don't have the energy anymore, I've got more important things to do than worry about than where I hid my last spitter. Thank God I haven't had to explain that gross looking Diet Coke to one of my kids yet. If I've got any balls at all, now I won't have to.

Monday was Day 1. Today is Day 3.
Right on my friend! Congrats on a great decision to quit. Stay committed, use the site, and stay quit. If you need anything, let me know.
Title: Re: Tired of Lying & Deception
Post by: QuittinTime on March 04, 2009, 05:39:00 PM
Quote from: boatdriver
What the fuck has been wrong with me for 50% of my life? 'bang head'

Constantly hiding this shit from family, wife, kids, everyone who's normal. It's over. I've had it. I don't have the energy anymore, I've got more important things to do than worry about than where I hid my last spitter. Thank God I haven't had to explain that gross looking Diet Coke to one of my kids yet. If I've got any balls at all, now I won't have to.

Monday was Day 1. Today is Day 3.
Congratulations, wise choice my friend. Come clean with the wifey. It'll take a load off your back. It'll get your ass chewed too, but well worth it in the end. You were a Ninja Dipper, don't be a Ninja Quitter. Come clean and be clean. Stand tall and proud. B)
Title: Re: Tired of Lying & Deception
Post by: Remshot on March 04, 2009, 05:45:00 PM
Quote from: QuittinTime
Quote from: boatdriver
What the fuck has been wrong with me for 50% of my life?  'bang head'

Constantly hiding this shit from family, wife, kids, everyone who's normal. It's over. I've had it. I don't have the energy anymore, I've got more important things to do than worry about than where I hid my last spitter. Thank God I haven't had to explain that gross looking Diet Coke to one of my kids yet. If I've got any balls at all, now I won't have to.

Monday was Day 1. Today is Day 3.
Congratulations, wise choice my friend. Come clean with the wifey. It'll take a load off your back. It'll get your ass chewed too, but well worth it in the end. You were a Ninja Dipper, don't be a Ninja Quitter. Come clean and be clean. Stand tall and proud. B)
I agree..And I bet she already knows you were dipping.
Title: Re: Tired of Lying & Deception
Post by: mule on March 04, 2009, 05:47:00 PM
Go ahead...sneak a squeeze....ball size should have increased significantly after day 3.....and you got day three.

Congrats and welcome.....this is the best place to quit and gain control of a shitty addiction.

Hang in there, read, learn, post roll, keep your word, ask for help when you need it, lend a hand when you can......

Get involved......we're all in this together.
Title: Re: Tired of Lying & Deception
Post by: boatdriver on March 04, 2009, 10:25:00 PM
Thanks for the welcomes. Wifey knows, she's found a couple spitters over the last year, including one last week. I'm done bullshitting her and waiting for the next one that I forgot about to show up. Next it'll be my 12 year old girl or 10 year old boy asking the questions. Gotta try to prevent that one.
Title: Re: Tired of Lying & Deception
Post by: DanTheMan on March 04, 2009, 10:47:00 PM
It sucks so bad getting caught by the family when you're a ninja dipper. Your first post could have easily came out of my mouth. I'm in the same boat as you, just a couple days ahead. Reading as much as possible on this site has been the difference for me in the past week
Title: Re: Tired of Lying & Deception
Post by: Kdip on March 05, 2009, 10:31:00 AM
Welcome boatdriver. Former Ninja dipper here as well. Led a double life. Some friends know others didn't. Hid from the family. Ninja Dipping nearly cost me my marriage. Came Clean and have been quit for 6 months now. Best decision I have ever made AND followed through with. You CAN do this. I too had a conscience and did not want to be explaining nasty spitters to my children as well. Stay active with this site and post everyday. It will save your life. Ping me if I can do anything to help.
Title: Re: Tired of Lying & Deception
Post by: nomocope on March 05, 2009, 12:33:00 PM
Good job Boatdriver. Shit, are we all Ninja dippers? My wife nagged me so much, I stopped, then didn't have the balls to tell her I caved and started back. I hid it pretty good until I started dipping all the time again and she figured it out. She would look at me all disgusted every time I came back from the garage.

I'm on Day 14 and it is great to be free of hiding my dippin!
Title: Re: Tired of Lying & Deception
Post by: boatdriver on March 05, 2009, 03:18:00 PM
Yeah, I think we're all ninja dippers because it's such a vile disgusting habit. Nobody likes it, so how did we become such whores for it? 'bang head'
Title: Re: Tired of Lying & Deception
Post by: boatdriver on March 06, 2009, 08:57:00 AM
Finally, the fog is thinning here on Day 5. I really hate not feeling like myself...I hate it so much that I won't take anesthesia (yeah, it's spelled wrong, but I don't care right now) to get teeth filled. Ironically, the nic bitch has made me "not myself" for a long time now.

So far, the worst part has been the damn fog. I haven't been able to concentrate on a frickin' thing all week. The next worse has been my mouth screaming out for something to do...hello Jolly Ranchers. They're doing the trick so far.

I'm so disgusted with myself for being a weak chickenshit can slave for over 20 years, it makes me want to cry.
Title: Re: Tired of Lying & Deception
Post by: redtrain14 on March 06, 2009, 09:26:00 AM
Focus on the strength you are showing to kick this thing to the curb. Pretty soon, day by day, you'll have a great big smile on your face.

It does get better my friend.
Title: Re: Tired of Lying & Deception
Post by: nomocope on March 06, 2009, 10:08:00 AM
The fog and cravings for me started going away about day 10. Yesterday I still had some strong cravings and chewed a whole pack of (regular) gum. Weekends are easier for me because I'll be outside staying busy and not stuck at a desk.