KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: mattlock on March 14, 2016, 03:26:00 PM
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Hey all. I wanted to quickly introduce myself to the group and say thank you for this resource. I started with smoking Camels at age 13. I would switch to chewing Redman and Levi during sports seasons. When I quit smoking at age 21 I picked up dipping Kodiak/Copenhagen as a "healthier alternative". Since that time I have quit many times, the most recent was about 10 years ago when I quit for 6 months. Then for some stupid ass reason I went out and picked up a can and haven't been able to put it back down again until today. My use of nicotine contributed to my divorce from my first wife and has caused issues in my second marriage as well. I am finally done being a slave to the can.
Like others on here, I actually bookmarked this page about 3 years ago when I first started thinking about quitting again. I would come on, read a few stories and then get scared I might actually have to go through with quitting and leave. Now that I am finally quitting for good, I realize how silly this all is. Thank you folks for making a place for guys like me.
Mattlock
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Hey all. I wanted to quickly introduce myself to the group and say thank you for this resource. I started with smoking Camels at age 13. I would switch to chewing Redman and Levi during sports seasons. When I quit smoking at age 21 I picked up dipping Kodiak/Copenhagen as a "healthier alternative". Since that time I have quit many times, the most recent was about 10 years ago when I quit for 6 months. Then for some stupid ass reason I went out and picked up a can and haven't been able to put it back down again until today. My use of nicotine contributed to my divorce from my first wife and has caused issues in my second marriage as well. I am finally done being a slave to the can.
Like others on here, I actually bookmarked this page about 3 years ago when I first started thinking about quitting again. I would come on, read a few stories and then get scared I might actually have to go through with quitting and leave. Now that I am finally quitting for good, I realize how silly this all is. Thank you folks for making a place for guys like me.
Mattlock
quitting again? please explain
Glad you're here and welcome but you should clarify your quit.
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Hey all. I wanted to quickly introduce myself to the group and say thank you for this resource. I started with smoking Camels at age 13. I would switch to chewing Redman and Levi during sports seasons. When I quit smoking at age 21 I picked up dipping Kodiak/Copenhagen as a "healthier alternative". Since that time I have quit many times, the most recent was about 10 years ago when I quit for 6 months. Then for some stupid ass reason I went out and picked up a can and haven't been able to put it back down again until today. My use of nicotine contributed to my divorce from my first wife and has caused issues in my second marriage as well. I am finally done being a slave to the can.
Like others on here, I actually bookmarked this page about 3 years ago when I first started thinking about quitting again. I would come on, read a few stories and then get scared I might actually have to go through with quitting and leave. Now that I am finally quitting for good, I realize how silly this all is. Thank you folks for making a place for guys like me.
Mattlock
quitting again? please explain
Glad you're here and welcome but you should clarify your quit.
Mogul makes a great point, here.
You need to really evaluate why you're here and what you want to accomplish.
You can't say that you "quit many times" if you continuously ran back to putting cancer in your lip. That's called stopping.
Quitting is what we do here every day. You put your name on the line and are held to your word that you're not going to use nicotine in any form for that day. Just one day. Don't worry about tomorrow. Quit for today. Once we get through today, we come back and do it all over again.
That's how to quit. Stopping and picking it back up is something many of us have done, but it isn't quitting.
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quitting again? please explain
Glad you're here and welcome but you should clarify your quit.
Mogul makes a great point, here.
You need to really evaluate why you're here and what you want to accomplish.
You can't say that you "quit many times" if you continuously ran back to putting cancer in your lip. That's called stopping.
Quitting is what we do here every day. You put your name on the line and are held to your word that you're not going to use nicotine in any form for that day. Just one day. Don't worry about tomorrow. Quit for today. Once we get through today, we come back and do it all over again.
That's how to quit. Stopping and picking it back up is something many of us have done, but it isn't quitting.
I get what you are saying. That's one of the things I need to change in this fight. To be clearer and more definitive in my vocabulary. So let me clarify. I have stopped, paused, whatever you want to call it, many times in the past 30 years but have never sacked up enough to actually quit. In the past the motivation to stop was always about someone else. This time, I quit for me.
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quitting again? please explain
Glad you're here and welcome but you should clarify your quit.
Mogul makes a great point, here.
You need to really evaluate why you're here and what you want to accomplish.
You can't say that you "quit many times" if you continuously ran back to putting cancer in your lip. That's called stopping.
Quitting is what we do here every day. You put your name on the line and are held to your word that you're not going to use nicotine in any form for that day. Just one day. Don't worry about tomorrow. Quit for today. Once we get through today, we come back and do it all over again.
That's how to quit. Stopping and picking it back up is something many of us have done, but it isn't quitting.
I get what you are saying. That's one of the things I need to change in this fight. To be clearer and more definitive in my vocabulary. So let me clarify. I have stopped, paused, whatever you want to call it, many times in the past 30 years but have never sacked up enough to actually quit. In the past the motivation to stop was always about someone else. This time, I quit for me.
AND....I quit with you brother. Post roll every day, first thing and keep your word. You got quit, just make it happen.
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Welcome Mattlock! My mom used to watch your show all the time. Nice work posting up. Make that a new part of your life each morning and this will be the last quit.
'Remshot' 'zombie'
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Day 2: Posted roll first thing. I can do anything short term, even keep this gorilla off my back. Day 1 was actually easier than I remember from stopping in the past. No real symptoms other than being generally antsy and a little anxious. Woke up this morning and the fog is rolling in deep. Having trouble focusing, like waves of being stoned just rolling in and out. That Nic is a jealous bitch, but I'm done being a slave. I quit today. Kick that bitch in the hoo-ha cause I ain't going back today.
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Welcome and good job posting a day 2!
Drink water like it is your job! It will help flush the nicotine from your system and clear the fog.
Start building a web of accountability. Take/give your number to someone on this site and make a connection. When you're down and fighting a crave this will give you a life line.
Stay strong and I quit with you today.
KennyZ
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Good Job on posting roll. The accountability that this site provides will be the key to your success. Remember that when you post roll you are making a promise to everyone in your quit group, that you will not use nicotine for the next 24 hours. When you feel that crave creep in, think about that Promise. Make sure to get some digits from your fellow quitters. There is a group of great people here that care a lot about your quit.
Use whatever means necessary to stay away from nicotine. I chewed sunflower seeds until my mouth was raw. Use gum, fake chew, sugar free hard candy, water, coffee... Pretty much anything to help curb the oral fixation. As your quit progresses, you will feel less and less of a need to constantly have something in your mouth. Until that time, do whatever you need to do to stay quit! Another thing that I have found helpful is to log onto this site when I start to crave. I read through HOF speeches, cancer stories, or introductions. (I find that the cancer storied usually scare me out of the crave pretty quick) It reminds me why I am doing this and what I am trying to avoid. I never got into the live chat thing, but I know that it has helped some people get through cravings as well.
Stay strong, push through the fog, and remember that it will only get better the longer you are quit.
I quit with you today
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Day 2: Posted roll first thing. I can do anything short term, even keep this gorilla off my back. Day 1 was actually easier than I remember from stopping in the past. No real symptoms other than being generally antsy and a little anxious. Woke up this morning and the fog is rolling in deep. Having trouble focusing, like waves of being stoned just rolling in and out. That Nic is a jealous bitch, but I'm done being a slave. I quit today. Kick that bitch in the hoo-ha cause I ain't going back today.
Keep up the great work.
Wasn't trying to be an ass previously; just making sure you have the right mindset. Quitting is what we do here. And I'm proud to quit with you.
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Day 2: Posted roll first thing. I can do anything short term, even keep this gorilla off my back. Day 1 was actually easier than I remember from stopping in the past. No real symptoms other than being generally antsy and a little anxious. Woke up this morning and the fog is rolling in deep. Having trouble focusing, like waves of being stoned just rolling in and out. That Nic is a jealous bitch, but I'm done being a slave. I quit today. Kick that bitch in the hoo-ha cause I ain't going back today.
Keep up the great work.
Wasn't trying to be an ass previously; just making sure you have the right mindset. Quitting is what we do here. And I'm proud to quit with you.
No worries MonsterEMT. I am a big boy and can take it. And as was pointed out, you guys were right. I needed to change my vocabulary and my entire way of thinking about this. Got it, for today anyway, and thanks for holding me accountable.
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Day 2: Posted roll first thing. I can do anything short term, even keep this gorilla off my back. Day 1 was actually easier than I remember from stopping in the past. No real symptoms other than being generally antsy and a little anxious. Woke up this morning and the fog is rolling in deep. Having trouble focusing, like waves of being stoned just rolling in and out. That Nic is a jealous bitch, but I'm done being a slave. I quit today. Kick that bitch in the hoo-ha cause I ain't going back today.
Keep up the great work.
Wasn't trying to be an ass previously; just making sure you have the right mindset. Quitting is what we do here. And I'm proud to quit with you.
No worries MonsterEMT. I am a big boy and can take it. And as was pointed out, you guys were right. I needed to change my vocabulary and my entire way of thinking about this. Got it, for today anyway, and thanks for holding me accountable.
^^^ I like this! 'boob'
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Day 2: Posted roll first thing. I can do anything short term, even keep this gorilla off my back. Day 1 was actually easier than I remember from stopping in the past. No real symptoms other than being generally antsy and a little anxious. Woke up this morning and the fog is rolling in deep. Having trouble focusing, like waves of being stoned just rolling in and out. That Nic is a jealous bitch, but I'm done being a slave. I quit today. Kick that bitch in the hoo-ha cause I ain't going back today.
Keep up the great work.
Wasn't trying to be an ass previously; just making sure you have the right mindset. Quitting is what we do here. And I'm proud to quit with you.
No worries MonsterEMT. I am a big boy and can take it. And as was pointed out, you guys were right. I needed to change my vocabulary and my entire way of thinking about this. Got it, for today anyway, and thanks for holding me accountable.
^^^ I like this! 'boob'
I like this too. You seem to be sick and tired of answering the bell every time your addiction rings. This may sound like total semantics, but I like to say I am living a quit life...not trying to quit. You got some rocky times ahead of you....fight through, you'll soon wear those days as a badge of honor. Good luck!
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quitting again? please explain
Glad you're here and welcome but you should clarify your quit.
Mogul makes a great point, here.
You need to really evaluate why you're here and what you want to accomplish.
You can't say that you "quit many times" if you continuously ran back to putting cancer in your lip. That's called stopping.
Quitting is what we do here every day. You put your name on the line and are held to your word that you're not going to use nicotine in any form for that day. Just one day. Don't worry about tomorrow. Quit for today. Once we get through today, we come back and do it all over again.
That's how to quit. Stopping and picking it back up is something many of us have done, but it isn't quitting.
I get what you are saying. That's one of the things I need to change in this fight. To be clearer and more definitive in my vocabulary. So let me clarify. I have stopped, paused, whatever you want to call it, many times in the past 30 years but have never sacked up enough to actually quit. In the past the motivation to stop was always about someone else. This time, I quit for me.
First, mattlock, welcome to our group.
Second, and this probably doesn't belong in your intro, and I'm sorry to put it here, but this is where it hit me; I've always thought that you don't quit something until you die. You can only stop.
I'm open to responses to this from the vets, but really, this probably belongs in the June 2016 group.
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First, mattlock, welcome to our group.
Second, and this probably doesn't belong in your intro, and I'm sorry to put it here, but this is where it hit me; I've always thought that you don't quit something until you die. You can only stop.
I'm open to responses to this from the vets, but really, this probably belongs in the June 2016 group.
Thanks Irish for the welcome. And this is, last I checked is a forum, so post what you want where you want.
I used to think about it the same as you, once you're dead you finally quit everything. But I have changed my views a bit lately. I am coming to realize that quitting is an act of will. I wasn't kidding when I said that every time I stopped before the motivation was for someone or something else. And as soon as that person or thing made me more upset than I cared about them, I was off to the races again. It really was just a pause in the using but the addiction was still there. Addiction is a passive act, it takes no effort to continue down that path. Quitting is not a passive act. It is an act of will. You have to actively maintain your quit or you will sink back into the abyss again. Anyway, this concludes the "Thoughts from the Fog" segment today ;)
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Congrats on the quit Mattlock. The addiction is some thing that you will take to your grave, all we can do is manage it while we are on this side of the dirt.
Manage it well or she will kick your ass and make you her slave again.
I quit with you today brother.
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Today was not too bad. Fog was still there, more intense at times but for shorter overall than it was yesterday. I get the whole out-of-body experience people say they sometimes get with this. It is a pretty f*^%*@# intense feeling. Find myself laughing at stuff that I really shouldn't be laughing at. Getting angry and frustrated at other stuff that would normally make me chuckle. Lucky for me I work from home and although I travel 50-75% of the time, I have no travel planned for the next month. That means I am not yelling at customers, just my wife and kids :( Because of that I am trying to make sure I am setting myself up for success as much as possible. I am using Smokey Wintergreen (tastes like a bucket of ass but it gets me through the craves) and seeds. The salt is messing with the sores in my mouth a bit, so I think I am going to try to cut back a little on those tomorrow. Cravings have so far been tolerable, hoping it stays that way. Even if doesn't though, FU Nic, I ain't going back. Not today. I gave my word. Stay strong brothers.
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Today was not too bad. Fog was still there, more intense at times but for shorter overall than it was yesterday. I get the whole out-of-body experience people say they sometimes get with this. It is a pretty f*^%*@# intense feeling. Find myself laughing at stuff that I really shouldn't be laughing at. Getting angry and frustrated at other stuff that would normally make me chuckle. Lucky for me I work from home and although I travel 50-75% of the time, I have no travel planned for the next month. That means I am not yelling at customers, just my wife and kids :( Because of that I am trying to make sure I am setting myself up for success as much as possible. I am using Smokey Wintergreen (tastes like a bucket of ass but it gets me through the craves) and seeds. The salt is messing with the sores in my mouth a bit, so I think I am going to try to cut back a little on those tomorrow. Cravings have so far been tolerable, hoping it stays that way. Even if doesn't though, FU Nic, I ain't going back. Not today. I gave my word. Stay strong brothers.
Don't take it out on your wife and kiddos. This isn't their fault. Come here.....like to the chat room.....and bitch and moan. We can take it. We have all been there. Who cares what Smokey Mountain tastes like. If using it keeps nicotine out of your mouth than consider that a win my man. Seeds fuck your mouth up. Fact. Nicotine can cause you to lose your jaw. So not attractive at all. So - opt for some seed fucked-up-age. (Yeah, I create my own words)
FOGGY days are hell. But......it is one minute, hour and day that you haven't used.
Remember how awful they are.....keep your word.....and you will never have to repeat them. It gets better from there.....I promise.....
Lady G kicking nic's ass with you today. FU nicotine.
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We all need decide at some point - are we going to quit? Once you have made that decision do what you can to support that decision. Get here every day and connect with folks in your quit group. Find some people that you will make sure post roll every morning. Find some people that will check to see that you are here every morning. We all look out for each other. :)
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Today was not too bad. Fog was still there, more intense at times but for shorter overall than it was yesterday. I get the whole out-of-body experience people say they sometimes get with this. It is a pretty f*^%*@# intense feeling. Find myself laughing at stuff that I really shouldn't be laughing at. Getting angry and frustrated at other stuff that would normally make me chuckle. Lucky for me I work from home and although I travel 50-75% of the time, I have no travel planned for the next month. That means I am not yelling at customers, just my wife and kids :( Because of that I am trying to make sure I am setting myself up for success as much as possible. I am using Smokey Wintergreen (tastes like a bucket of ass but it gets me through the craves) and seeds. The salt is messing with the sores in my mouth a bit, so I think I am going to try to cut back a little on those tomorrow. Cravings have so far been tolerable, hoping it stays that way. Even if doesn't though, FU Nic, I ain't going back. Not today. I gave my word. Stay strong brothers.
Don't take it out on your wife and kiddos. This isn't their fault. Come here.....like to the chat room.....and bitch and moan. We can take it. We have all been there. Who cares what Smokey Mountain tastes like. If using it keeps nicotine out of your mouth than consider that a win my man. Seeds fuck your mouth up. Fact. Nicotine can cause you to lose your jaw. So not attractive at all. So - opt for some seed fucked-up-age. (Yeah, I create my own words)
FOGGY days are hell. But......it is one minute, hour and day that you haven't used.
Remember how awful they are.....keep your word.....and you will never have to repeat them. It gets better from there.....I promise.....
Lady G kicking nic's ass with you today. FU nicotine.
Thanks Lady G! I read your intro and you and the rest of the ladies here are awe inspiring.
I am trying really hard not to take it out on my wife and kids, and so far at least according to her, I am doing very well on that front. But its always in the front of my mind and I want to treat them like they deserve to be treated.
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Day 5 - Feeling pretty good today. No real big cravings, having the Smokey works well in that regard. I start to get a craving and I stick some of that in and bam, the cravings are gone. Lady G is right, who gives a crap about how it tastes so long as it keeps the poison out. I can't believe I ever thought that Kodiak and Copenhagen ever tasted good. WTF was I thinking? The shit your mind makes up to keep you coming back for more dopamine is really pretty impressive. But that's the difference between habit and addiction.
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Day 39...
Tough day today. The fog has finally lifted for me in the last week or so. BUT I had some minor and 1 major fuckups at work in the last month at least partially due to lack of focus, rage and/or fog. (To anyone else going through this, maybe have someone else double check your work for you own sanity until you feel like you've returned to semi-normal.) I am a bit of a perfectionist so this hit me pretty hard and I was pretty down. Then around lunchtime I realized that even though I was a bit depressed, I hadn't even really had any craves today, much less thoughts of caving. That was a huge win for me so I wanted to go back on this thread and populate some other big wins I've had in the last couple weeks - Things I've never done without a dip in and which are all major triggers:
* Mowed the grass
* Went fishing
* Shooting at the gun range
* Went Hiking
* Several long drives (always a HUGE trigger)
Tomorrow I go on my first trip away from home since I quit. That has me a little worried as alcohol is usually involved on these trips and most of the caves I have seen usually started that way. So I made a plan. WUPP, 2 drink maximum, bring plenty of fake/gum/candy. If I feel the need to cave, sign the printed contract in my wallet, text every number in my phone asking for permission if I feel the need to cave and only when I get permission from someone on my KTC list can I give in to the nic bitch. I am sticking with that plan and I will be successful ODAAT thanks to the brotherhood and accountability found here.
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Day 39...
Tough day today. The fog has finally lifted for me in the last week or so. BUT I had some minor and 1 major fuckups at work in the last month at least partially due to lack of focus, rage and/or fog. (To anyone else going through this, maybe have someone else double check your work for you own sanity until you feel like you've returned to semi-normal.) I am a bit of a perfectionist so this hit me pretty hard and I was pretty down. Then around lunchtime I realized that even though I was a bit depressed, I hadn't even really had any craves today, much less thoughts of caving. That was a huge win for me so I wanted to go back on this thread and populate some other big wins I've had in the last couple weeks - Things I've never done without a dip in and which are all major triggers:
* Mowed the grass
* Went fishing
* Shooting at the gun range
* Went Hiking
* Several long drives (always a HUGE trigger)
Tomorrow I go on my first trip away from home since I quit. That has me a little worried as alcohol is usually involved on these trips and most of the caves I have seen usually started that way. So I made a plan. WUPP, 2 drink maximum, bring plenty of fake/gum/candy. If I feel the need to cave, sign the printed contract in my wallet, text every number in my phone asking for permission if I feel the need to cave and only when I get permission from someone on my KTC list can I give in to the nic bitch. I am sticking with that plan and I will be successful ODAAT thanks to the brotherhood and accountability found here.
Holding your ass to that plan. You have to get a verbal okay from me to cave. You think you can do that?
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Day 39...
Tough day today. The fog has finally lifted for me in the last week or so. BUT I had some minor and 1 major fuckups at work in the last month at least partially due to lack of focus, rage and/or fog. (To anyone else going through this, maybe have someone else double check your work for you own sanity until you feel like you've returned to semi-normal.) I am a bit of a perfectionist so this hit me pretty hard and I was pretty down. Then around lunchtime I realized that even though I was a bit depressed, I hadn't even really had any craves today, much less thoughts of caving. That was a huge win for me so I wanted to go back on this thread and populate some other big wins I've had in the last couple weeks - Things I've never done without a dip in and which are all major triggers:
* Mowed the grass
* Went fishing
* Shooting at the gun range
* Went Hiking
* Several long drives (always a HUGE trigger)
Tomorrow I go on my first trip away from home since I quit. That has me a little worried as alcohol is usually involved on these trips and most of the caves I have seen usually started that way. So I made a plan. WUPP, 2 drink maximum, bring plenty of fake/gum/candy. If I feel the need to cave, sign the printed contract in my wallet, text every number in my phone asking for permission if I feel the need to cave and only when I get permission from someone on my KTC list can I give in to the nic bitch. I am sticking with that plan and I will be successful ODAAT thanks to the brotherhood and accountability found here.
Holding your ass to that plan. You have to get a verbal okay from me to cave. You think you can do that?
You got it Candoit! That's a deal.
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Way to go Matlack you are building a strong quit. It's great that you log your experiences here too- lets others behind you see what you've been through. Lets them know they aren't alone in... Fog, travel anxieties, etc etc. I remember my first trip clean-- what a revelation to be free! Logged it in intros of course. You're kicking butt- keep being diligent and keep winning!!
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I didn't think my lawn mower was going to work if I didn't have a dip in. I was wrong.
It takes a year to hit most of the triggers and get beyond them............after awhile you realize they were all just excuses to use again.
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Day 47 - Made it through a week away from home business trip for the first time since I quit. The business trips usually involve late nights and taking clients out for drinks after a long day. It has been one of my constant worries since I quit. I was thankful that none of the clients dipped although there were several smokers and even a few cigars (which I really used to like) being passed around. It was tough but I had a plan and I stuck to it. One thing I prepared for explicitly is that alcohol is a serious threat to my quit. There were several times that had I had another couple of drinks in me, I am pretty sure the 7-11 next store would have been a can of Cope lighter. But I stuck to my plan and relied on KTC when I wasn't out and about. Thanks to all my brothers who helped support me. Quit for today!
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Day 47 - Made it through a week away from home business trip for the first time since I quit. The business trips usually involve late nights and taking clients out for drinks after a long day. It has been one of my constant worries since I quit. I was thankful that none of the clients dipped although there were several smokers and even a few cigars (which I really used to like) being passed around. It was tough but I had a plan and I stuck to it. One thing I prepared for explicitly is that alcohol is a serious threat to my quit. There were several times that had I had another couple of drinks in me, I am pretty sure the 7-11 next store would have been a can of Cope lighter. But I stuck to my plan and relied on KTC when I wasn't out and about. Thanks to all my brothers who helped support me. Quit for today!
And in this victory....fear takes its rightful place in the backseat and you own this on another level that YOU created.
Badass, man. Badass.
Freedom is all around you...