KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: corwinkb on March 07, 2015, 07:10:00 PM
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Hello all,
My name is Brian and I have been chewing since my sophomore year of college. I started at the fire academy under the stress of peer pressure and quickly became addicted.
I have tried to quit in the past, alone...and failed many times. I have come to dread going to social gatherings, first dates, job interviews, and doctor appointments because I know as a chewer I can't hide it even if I hold off to be on my own to partake.
I later tried Chantex with my doctors approval and that literally almost killed me. I had horrid nightmares, terrifying heart palpitations and a genuine fear to quit. Withdrawals are scary!
None the less I am ready to quit now. March 10 2015 is my quit day and I'm going to own it.
I'm scared but I want my life back.
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Hey Brian,
Welcome to the brotherhood, I look forward to getting to know you over the next 100 + days as you fulfill the promise to yourself.
My only suggestion, throw that fucking can out the window tonight and make March 8th your day. Why put off your new life another two days!
Stay quit brother!
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I stopped at a gas station earlier while taking my German Shepherd for a ride. Dropped my tin and bottle in the trash. Got a pack of gum and a bottle of water and drove away. Its been 6 hours and I feel dizzy and tired...normally I chewed while controlling on VATSIM a flight Sim group or driving while playing iRacing.
Its going to be tough. I'm almost afraid to go to my computer.
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Brian,
First thing....realize that even though it may seem like it at times, quitting dip and the attendant nicotine withdrawals NEVER killed anyone. It'll suck. Learn to embrace it. Remember it, and never forget it....sear it into your memory such that you'll never want to go through the suck again. Second thing, change your quit date. if you spit it out today, then today is (by KTC's method of counting), your "day 1". Post your promise in the June 2015 quit group you won't use tobacco today. Wake up tomorrow, piss, and post roll again. The sooner, the better, as it takes the option to use off the table.
Read as much as you can on this site, drink plenty of water, and lean on your quit brothers. They're going through the same hell you are, you're not alone.
You CAN do this. I did, and I banged the can for longer than you've been alive.
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I will do that right now. And BTW my birthday is June 10. It would be a good gift to myself
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I will do that right now. And BTW my birthday is June 10. It would be a good gift to myself
Post roll Corwin, let's get this quit party going right tonight! I'm 50 been dipping 38 years quit 70 precious day's. Is it hard, heck yes! is it worth it, every dang second of the suck! I'm no longer a slave. I an addict and always will be, but one day at a time I will make a promise to have a real life without nic! I would have said normal but I don't know what normal is, use to be a fatty about 95 percent of the time! I'm loving life every damn day! I quit with you today!
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Fuck me sideways!
My head is killing me and I'm ripping ass like a trucker that switched to an all fiber diet. I talked to a pharmacist today who told me it is a natural reaction to my body coming back to life. Scary! I've been metaphorically dead for damn near 8 years!!!!
What is really killing me is my mouth though. I was challenged today by a canker sore that had formed just behind my mollars. The natural swelling was like a reminder that I used to put something gross there.
Time to man up and be grossly honest. On top of the disgusting habit that enslaved me 8 years ago, oral hygiene has never been a strong suit for me. So I took a bad habit and replaced it with something I can control. A toothbrush! I got cravings twice today. Just put some warm water on my brush and jammed it in my mouth for a few seconds. Counted to 20 cleaned it off (took a piss) and it was all over.
My final struggle of the day had 2 parts. The first I wanted to get some snacks for the NASCAR race today so I went to the store. Son of a bitch wouldn't you know it... The only open aisle was next to the tobacco kiosk displaying all of grizzly's finest ways to euthanize yourself. And guess what it was a very slow line. That growling bear jumped up in my face and it screamed my name....BUT....i counted to 20 doing my deep breathing excercises i watched my girlfriend do so many times practicing yoga...i got out of there with no chew.
Later that night I checked my phone. Got Roy's digits and sent him a text and tolf him i was struggling...he helped me out big time!!!
Rough second day...no uncontrollably painful withdrawals yet, just a bad headache...but an interesting ass gas contest with my dog :P ROFL. Read to stay quit until it doesn't suck no more. Tomorrow is day 3.
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Fuck me sideways!
My head is killing me and I'm ripping ass like a trucker that switched to an all fiber diet. I talked to a pharmacist today who told me it is a natural reaction to my body coming back to life. Scary! I've been metaphorically dead for damn near 8 years!!!!
What is really killing me is my mouth though. I was challenged today by a canker sore that had formed just behind my mollars. The natural swelling was like a reminder that I used to put something gross there.
Time to man up and be grossly honest. On top of the disgusting habit that enslaved me 8 years ago, oral hygiene has never been a strong suit for me. So I took a bad habit and replaced it with something I can control. A toothbrush! I got cravings twice today. Just put some warm water on my brush and jammed it in my mouth for a few seconds. Counted to 20 cleaned it off (took a piss) and it was all over.
My final struggle of the day had 2 parts. The first I wanted to get some snacks for the NASCAR race today so I went to the store. Son of a bitch wouldn't you know it... The only open aisle was next to the tobacco kiosk displaying all of grizzly's finest ways to euthanize yourself. And guess what it was a very slow line. That growling bear jumped up in my face and it screamed my name....BUT....i counted to 20 doing my deep breathing excercises i watched my girlfriend do so many times practicing yoga...i got out of there with no chew.
Later that night I checked my phone. Got Roy's digits and sent him a text and tolf him i was struggling...he helped me out big time!!!
Rough second day...no uncontrollably painful withdrawals yet, just a bad headache...but an interesting ass gas contest with my dog :P ROFL. Read to stay quit until it doesn't suck no more. Tomorrow is day 3.
You're a badass quitter corwin. Keep going strong. Glad to hear you've overcame obstacles in these first few days. Your mouth is healing itself so it is natural to have sores show up after quitting. My mouth was all kinds of fucked up for the first couple weeks it seemed. Nice work. I'm gonna leave you my digits in you inbox in case you need another contact when you're struggling.
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Fuck me sideways!
My head is killing me and I'm ripping ass like a trucker that switched to an all fiber diet. I talked to a pharmacist today who told me it is a natural reaction to my body coming back to life. Scary! I've been metaphorically dead for damn near 8 years!!!!
What is really killing me is my mouth though. I was challenged today by a canker sore that had formed just behind my mollars. The natural swelling was like a reminder that I used to put something gross there.
Time to man up and be grossly honest. On top of the disgusting habit that enslaved me 8 years ago, oral hygiene has never been a strong suit for me. So I took a bad habit and replaced it with something I can control. A toothbrush! I got cravings twice today. Just put some warm water on my brush and jammed it in my mouth for a few seconds. Counted to 20 cleaned it off (took a piss) and it was all over.
My final struggle of the day had 2 parts. The first I wanted to get some snacks for the NASCAR race today so I went to the store. Son of a bitch wouldn't you know it... The only open aisle was next to the tobacco kiosk displaying all of grizzly's finest ways to euthanize yourself. And guess what it was a very slow line. That growling bear jumped up in my face and it screamed my name....BUT....i counted to 20 doing my deep breathing excercises i watched my girlfriend do so many times practicing yoga...i got out of there with no chew.
Later that night I checked my phone. Got Roy's digits and sent him a text and tolf him i was struggling...he helped me out big time!!!
Rough second day...no uncontrollably painful withdrawals yet, just a bad headache...but an interesting ass gas contest with my dog :P ROFL. Read to stay quit until it doesn't suck no more. Tomorrow is day 3.
You're a badass quitter corwin. Keep going strong. Glad to hear you've overcame obstacles in these first few days. Your mouth is healing itself so it is natural to have sores show up after quitting. My mouth was all kinds of fucked up for the first couple weeks it seemed. Nice work. I'm gonna leave you my digits in you inbox in case you need another contact when you're struggling.
Corwin welcome to quit! It sucks then sucks some more! Keep up the fight! If it gets to tough get in touch with a brother someone's always available! Fight on worth every damn second! Just an addict trying to help another addict! Damn proud to be quit with you today!
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Today I came clean with my family. I told them I relapsed and unquit since the last time I tried and that this time I'm not hiding that I am an addict and that I am seeking help.
I told them about my triggers, my fears, my plans and how the guys at kill the can.org are supporting me.
My mom knew something was up since at weight watchers the last few weeks I have had gains and that lately I look like I'm retaining water... So I just came out with it hoping for the best...
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Today I came clean with my family. I told them I relapsed and unquit since the last time I tried and that this time I'm not hiding that I am an addict and that I am seeking help.
I told them about my triggers, my fears, my plans and how the guys at kill the can.org are supporting me.
My mom knew something was up since at weight watchers the last few weeks I have had gains and that lately I look like I'm retaining water... So I just came out with it hoping for the best...
This is bad ass. Honesty is key to beating this monster. You are doing the right things.
Right now sucks. If it didn't suck, everyone would quit. But only the strong can push through the suck. Look back at the "fuck me sideways" post. Guess what? You'll never have to relive that bs day ever again. And, while it may seem hopeless at the beginning, I promise you that one day at a time the suck fades away. Keep posting in this intro, because it really helps to be able to come back here and read where you are once you move a bit further down the road that you are traveling down.
Be proud of your honesty. Glad to have you aboard.
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Today I came clean with my family. I told them I relapsed and unquit since the last time I tried and that this time I'm not hiding that I am an addict and that I am seeking help.
I told them about my triggers, my fears, my plans and how the guys at kill the can.org are supporting me.
My mom knew something was up since at weight watchers the last few weeks I have had gains and that lately I look like I'm retaining water... So I just came out with it hoping for the best...
This is bad ass. Honesty is key to beating this monster. You are doing the right things.
Right now sucks. If it didn't suck, everyone would quit. But only the strong can push through the suck. Look back at the "fuck me sideways" post. Guess what? You'll never have to relive that bs day ever again. And, while it may seem hopeless at the beginning, I promise you that one day at a time the suck fades away. Keep posting in this intro, because it really helps to be able to come back here and read where you are once you move a bit further down the road that you are traveling down.
Be proud of your honesty. Glad to have you aboard.
After reading this it reminds that everyone has there on demons. We want to do everything we can do to help but somethings have got to be done by yourself. Thanks Corwin damn proud to be quit with you!
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Pab glad I can help but i think you've been doing this longer than I have. At least it seems that way!
on a side note... MY FACE IS ON FIRE SOMEONE PUT IT OUT! OMG THE BURN!!!! WHY GOD WHY!!!!!!
'bang head' 'bang head' 'bang head' 'bang head' 'bang head'
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Quitting is amazing you won't regret it! Pm me if you need anything or if you want my digits. June 15 lets get it
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Finished Day 4. Trying to keep my intro going. The hot flashes I am experiencing is rough. I've been taking cold showers and drinking water to trick myself into feeling cool.
I can also tell I am starting to retain water. Im up 6lbs already hopefully it doesn't go much higher. But fuck it. Let the women worry about looking to big. I'm a man, I workout side. I wear Duluth fire hose pants to work. I will lose it once it warms up and I can start working outside and run again !!!!!!
Every pound of weight I gain is worth it if it means I can live to flip big tobacco the bird and stand top of the mountain yodeling to the heavens!!!
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Finished Day 4. Trying to keep my intro going. The hot flashes I am experiencing is rough. I've been taking cold showers and drinking water to trick myself into feeling cool.
I can also tell I am starting to retain water. Im up 6lbs already hopefully it doesn't go much higher. But fuck it. Let the women worry about looking to big. I'm a man, I workout side. I wear Duluth fire hose pants to work. I will lose it once it warms up and I can start working outside and run again !!!!!!
Every pound of weight I gain is worth it if it means I can live to flip big tobacco the bird and stand top of the mountain yodeling to the heavens!!!
Now you coming around! Remember it only gets better! Embrace the suck! Slap the nic bitch and own your quit! Damn proud to be quit with you today my friend!
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Finished Day 4. Trying to keep my intro going. The hot flashes I am experiencing is rough. I've been taking cold showers and drinking water to trick myself into feeling cool.
I can also tell I am starting to retain water. Im up 6lbs already hopefully it doesn't go much higher. But fuck it. Let the women worry about looking to big. I'm a man, I workout side. I wear Duluth fire hose pants to work. I will lose it once it warms up and I can start working outside and run again !!!!!!
Every pound of weight I gain is worth it if it means I can live to flip big tobacco the bird and stand top of the mountain yodeling to the heavens!!!
Proud of you. Day 4 is huge you beat the suck. Nicotine is out of your system now and hopefully for good! You did it its all out, no your brain will start to rewire and you will have some ups and quite a few downs along the way but it all gets better! You can do this man!
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I know everyone is different but does anyone have a timeline on things like regaining balance in bodily constitution? My face feels so hot a small thunderstorm formed when i pressed my dad's cold beer bottle up to my cheek (didn't drink it though don't need the wrecklessness in my life right now).
My mouth still has sores coming and going but I switched to a GUM brand extra soft brush so I can work around those better.
Now the annoying embarrassing bit. I'm blasting ass gas at levels that FEMA would call a national disaster area.
But now here is what I am taking from all this. My body was in a state of denial just like I was psychologically. My doctor said all of this is due to the fact that nicotine lime all stressors trick your brain into over producing those hormones that numb pain, make you feel good, and supress basic needs like the want to eat or sleep.
Now that I an quit going on day 6 tomorrow I am realizing he was right. "The will is strong but the body is not." Especially with a corrupt brain taking commands in back alleys and corridors.
I noticed after 8 weeks of working out I wasn't showing any changes. Now that I have quit, while I hold water weight I already feel my muscles firing up, burning away in a way I haven't felt since my freshman year of college. Damn coming back from the dead feels good!
Keep Calm and Quit On my brothers!
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I know everyone is different but does anyone have a timeline on things like regaining balance in bodily constitution? My face feels so hot a small thunderstorm formed when i pressed my dad's cold beer bottle up to my cheek (didn't drink it though don't need the wrecklessness in my life right now).
My mouth still has sores coming and going but I switched to a GUM brand extra soft brush so I can work around those better.
Now the annoying embarrassing bit. I'm blasting ass gas at levels that FEMA would call a national disaster area.
But now here is what I am taking from all this. My body was in a state of denial just like I was psychologically. My doctor said all of this is due to the fact that nicotine lime all stressors trick your brain into over producing those hormones that numb pain, make you feel good, and supress basic needs like the want to eat or sleep.
Now that I an quit going on day 6 tomorrow I am realizing he was right. "The will is strong but the body is not." Especially with a corrupt brain taking commands in back alleys and corridors.
I noticed after 8 weeks of working out I wasn't showing any changes. Now that I have quit, while I hold water weight I already feel my muscles firing up, burning away in a way I haven't felt since my freshman year of college. Damn coming back from the dead feels good!
Keep Calm and Quit On my brothers!
Right on track and positively normal, bro!
There's timelines around here somewhere but I'm too old a fart to worry about, or figure out, how to paste one here 'winker'
With all the physical stuff... Just be patient. It really will all come back on-line and smooth out. It's pretty damn amazing because our addiction screwed everything up. Everything. The body is an amazing machine. Now, about your mouth, give it a "little" time but don't screw around if you're worried... See a pro. Set your mind at ease.
Rock on, man... Freedom will taste better each day!
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I know everyone is different but does anyone have a timeline on things like regaining balance in bodily constitution? My face feels so hot a small thunderstorm formed when i pressed my dad's cold beer bottle up to my cheek (didn't drink it though don't need the wrecklessness in my life right now).
My mouth still has sores coming and going but I switched to a GUM brand extra soft brush so I can work around those better.
Now the annoying embarrassing bit. I'm blasting ass gas at levels that FEMA would call a national disaster area.
But now here is what I am taking from all this. My body was in a state of denial just like I was psychologically. My doctor said all of this is due to the fact that nicotine lime all stressors trick your brain into over producing those hormones that numb pain, make you feel good, and supress basic needs like the want to eat or sleep.
Now that I an quit going on day 6 tomorrow I am realizing he was right. "The will is strong but the body is not." Especially with a corrupt brain taking commands in back alleys and corridors.
I noticed after 8 weeks of working out I wasn't showing any changes. Now that I have quit, while I hold water weight I already feel my muscles firing up, burning away in a way I haven't felt since my freshman year of college. Damn coming back from the dead feels good!
Keep Calm and Quit On my brothers!
Right on track and positively normal, bro!
There's timelines around here somewhere but I'm too old a fart to worry about, or figure out, how to paste one here 'winker'
With all the physical stuff... Just be patient. It really will all come back on-line and smooth out. It's pretty damn amazing because our addiction screwed everything up. Everything. The body is an amazing machine. Now, about your mouth, give it a "little" time but don't screw around if you're worried... See a pro. Set your mind at ease.
Rock on, man... Freedom will taste better each day!
Thanks Brother!
And about the sores in my mouth, they are usually gone after a day or less its quite frustrating lol I heard it has to do with PH imbalance in the mouth. Tobacco/Nicotine along with all of the other chemicals in your dip are very acidic so it is normal for it to go beast mode when trying to fight it out of your system.
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Today was my hardest day yet. I got through it though and that's what matters. Had some really bad heart burn. Tomorrow starts week 2!
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Man I am proud of you! Keep at it! Stay quit! I'm a few days behind you and you're a huge inspiration!
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A few days is nothing! What is really helping me is reading the June 2010 quit group's roll call. Unless there is secret cavers those cats have been at it for 5 years! Shit i want my 5 year HOF thing to be here tomorrow because this is something I am not giving up.
I met a girl who used to be real into me, we dated a few times and one day came real close to @#*!$! the !@#!). I asked her what happened back then and why she decided not to do it and she said she could smell my breath from the driveway. Think about that for your motivation. If you can't get laid because your breath stinks so bad she can smell it across the yard (figuratively i hope!) it is definitely time to make a change.
I think about my life through high school and college. I had horrible oral hygiene and chewed on top of it. I always worked out and played sports but since my freshman year i went from 200lbs to 320lbs. Yeah some of it was college stress..some of it was not having a job and sitting around all day feeling sorry for myself. But a HUGE HUGE HUGEEE part of it was that i was sitting on my ass, driving around in my truck chewing the tobacco that was slowly killing me making me that much more god damn unattractive each and every single @!#!%day of my life, rather than doing something about it.
Now I look back and think to myself how much different my life could have been if i had not started chewing. I'd at least have a good sexual memory to think back too with fondness! 'Crazy' Since I quit I have put on 8lbs. But i am ok with it because since I have quit, i have majorly increased my water consumption, I have started taking things more seriously like blood pressure medicine, brushing my teeth, eating 3 meals and 2 mini meals to keep my body fueled, and I have also learned to be more honest with the ones I love most.
My friends... think about all you can stand to lose and what potential you wont achieve with this shit slowly killing you! My doctor's words haunt me to this day. The reason I am so gassy, and bloated, and sore, and foggy and "fill in the blank" is because my body was dead and my mind was slowly going with it. Think about that for 1 fucking minute... the 8 years I was chewing tobacco my body was dead! Not literally obviously or I wouldn't be here writing this....but dead...
Dead meaning you need nicotine to shit, you need nicotine to think, you need nicotine to ease your stomach after a big meal, you need nicotine to drive to and from work, you need to nicotine before and after fucking your wife or girlfriend or neighbor for all i know... Christ do you want to be told what to do in the car, or what to do while making love, or what to do before and after meals? FUCK NO!
Whose with me! DAMN THE MAN! DOWN WITH THE MACHINE!
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A few days is nothing! What is really helping me is reading the June 2010 quit group's roll call. Unless there is secret cavers those cats have been at it for 5 years! Shit i want my 5 year HOF thing to be here tomorrow because this is something I am not giving up.
I met a girl who used to be real into me, we dated a few times and one day came real close to @#*!$! the !@#!). I asked her what happened back then and why she decided not to do it and she said she could smell my breath from the driveway. Think about that for your motivation. If you can't get laid because your breath stinks so bad she can smell it across the yard (figuratively i hope!) it is definitely time to make a change.
I think about my life through high school and college. I had horrible oral hygiene and chewed on top of it. I always worked out and played sports but since my freshman year i went from 200lbs to 320lbs. Yeah some of it was college stress..some of it was not having a job and sitting around all day feeling sorry for myself. But a HUGE HUGE HUGEEE part of it was that i was sitting on my ass, driving around in my truck chewing the tobacco that was slowly killing me making me that much more god damn unattractive each and every single @!#!%day of my life, rather than doing something about it.
Now I look back and think to myself how much different my life could have been if i had not started chewing. I'd at least have a good sexual memory to think back too with fondness! 'Crazy' Since I quit I have put on 8lbs. But i am ok with it because since I have quit, i have majorly increased my water consumption, I have started taking things more seriously like blood pressure medicine, brushing my teeth, eating 3 meals and 2 mini meals to keep my body fueled, and I have also learned to be more honest with the ones I love most.
My friends... think about all you can stand to lose and what potential you wont achieve with this shit slowly killing you! My doctor's words haunt me to this day. The reason I am so gassy, and bloated, and sore, and foggy and "fill in the blank" is because my body was dead and my mind was slowly going with it. Think about that for 1 fucking minute... the 8 years I was chewing tobacco my body was dead! Not literally obviously or I wouldn't be here writing this....but dead...
Dead meaning you need nicotine to shit, you need nicotine to think, you need nicotine to ease your stomach after a big meal, you need nicotine to drive to and from work, you need to nicotine before and after fucking your wife or girlfriend or neighbor for all i know... Christ do you want to be told what to do in the car, or what to do while making love, or what to do before and after meals? FUCK NO!
Whose with me! DAMN THE MAN! DOWN WITH THE MACHINE!
Awesome to read. you're like a virgin who's finally realized how much fun you should've been having.
I'm stealing your posts to rekindle my quit and my drive to help others.
Amen to you, brutha. Proud to be quit with you today.
And apologies about Sharpie'ing dicks on your face for being "asleep" in chat tonight. Actually, I'm not sorry. I thought it was pretty funny. hope you got a chuckle, too.
Cheers
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Tomorrow is day 100.
All I can say to the new folks is it sucks until it doesn't. You don't have to like everyone you quit with. I'm know as the June douche in 2015. But if you quit EDD those guys and gals will take a bullet for you.
Hope all you new quitters ask for help when you need it. Stay honest and embrace the suck. No amount of pain will compare to the pain you'll have when your jaw rots out and no one wants to kiss you goodnight.
Stay Quit EDD
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Tomorrow is day 100.
All I can say to the new folks is it sucks until it doesn't. You don't have to like everyone you quit with. I'm know as the June douche in 2015. But if you quit EDD those guys and gals will take a bullet for you.
Hope all you new quitters ask for help when you need it. Stay honest and embrace the suck. No amount of pain will compare to the pain you'll have when your jaw rots out and no one wants to kiss you goodnight.
Stay Quit EDD
Congrats KB on your 100!
I quit with you every day!
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Tomorrow is day 100.
All I can say to the new folks is it sucks until it doesn't. You don't have to like everyone you quit with. I'm know as the June douche in 2015. But if you quit EDD those guys and gals will take a bullet for you.
Hope all you new quitters ask for help when you need it. Stay honest and embrace the suck. No amount of pain will compare to the pain you'll have when your jaw rots out and no one wants to kiss you goodnight.
Stay Quit EDD
Congrats KB on your 100!
I quit with you every day!
Hey June douche - you've been quit for 100 days!!! - that's not a douche in my book. Congratulations.
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Tomorrow is day 100.
All I can say to the new folks is it sucks until it doesn't. You don't have to like everyone you quit with. I'm know as the June douche in 2015. But if you quit EDD those guys and gals will take a bullet for you.
Hope all you new quitters ask for help when you need it. Stay honest and embrace the suck. No amount of pain will compare to the pain you'll have when your jaw rots out and no one wants to kiss you goodnight.
Stay Quit EDD
Congrats KB on your 100!
I quit with you every day!
Hey June douche - you've been quit for 100 days!!! - that's not a douche in my book. Congratulations.
Late of course but...
You don't know him. He is a douche. But he is a douche that has kept his promise and as he said, I would take a bullet for him. Put a bunch of Internet assholes who are raging out at the same time and somebody will emerge as the king douche. I'm probably the second in command douche. But at the end of the day, if corwin calls me at 3 am (assuming it wakes me up) I will be there for him. That's brotherhood.
We are family. You don't always like every member of your family all the time. But you are still family. Through all of our differences corwin. You are still my family. Congrats on today. See you again tomorrow.
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KB...
Congrats on your 1 year quit!
Quittin with you my brother.