KillTheCan.org Accountability Forum
Community => Introductions => Topic started by: GameCock01 on May 20, 2014, 10:42:00 PM
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Hi Everyone,
Been lurking for about a month now, and am finally making the move. Why the wait? Honestly, I'm terrified...my brain spins thinking about not getting my nic. But here's my story (very similar to everyone's here I'm sure):
Been dipping for 25 years, started after college (Go GameCocks!) when the Navy sent me to sea, and there was nothing better than catching that buzz while I stood on watch tearing holes in the ocean. Copenhagen Long Cut drug of choice, eventually switching to Pouches. None of that minty flavor for me, straight up and the most expensive can on the market. Nothing but the best in addiction. Here's the funny part - Except for the few years I was on a ship, I have always been a closet dipper. But it wasn't the clothes closet, it was the water closet. That's right, the crapper. Since about 1995 no one has ever seen me with a dip in my mouth. And for that reason I never thought I was an addict. I could go hours without a dip (still can), but if I have to go to the bathroom, I lock myself in the bathroom, pop in a dip, catch the buzz, and flush it. Can you guess that as the years have progressed, my time on the crapper has expanded? My 2 kids, both boys, think I am crazy for taking so long in the bathroom. I think I might be crazy too. My wife of 20 years knows I do it, and has asked me to quit but has never pressured me. Let it be known, I'm not quitting for her, I'm quitting because I am tired of bad breath, my mouth feeling like crap, my anxiety about cancer, and my utter disgust with myself for wasting all that time (on the crapper), all that money, and all that energy hiding it. I am fully aware that I am an addict and will always crave that shit.
I have tried several times to quit, but because of my mental attachment to the bathroom, if I don't dip, I don't shit. Last week I went 2 days without dipping and it about killed me. And you know those dreams everyone talks about here? Holy moly, I had some doozies. And that was with just 50 hours under my belt! So, that said, I remain terrified that I can't do it. I know I sound awfully negative, but I think I'm going to need to eat an entire jar of Metimucil to kill the can.
I love how on this site everyone is hardcore and will beat your ass at every turn. I am the guy who needs that. In a supportive kind of way. Ha! Seriously, as much as it is internal to me, willpower and all, I still have determined that I need the support group to help me. And I look forward to your help. Anyone have a problem with me texting them from the stall at work? :)
Today I quit.
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Hi Everyone,
Been lurking for about a month now, and am finally making the move. Why the wait? Honestly, I'm terrified...my brain spins thinking about not getting my nic. But here's my story (very similar to everyone's here I'm sure):
Been dipping for 25 years, started after college (Go GameCocks!) when the Navy sent me to sea, and there was nothing better than catching that buzz while I stood on watch tearing holes in the ocean. Copenhagen Long Cut drug of choice, eventually switching to Pouches. None of that minty flavor for me, straight up and the most expensive can on the market. Nothing but the best in addiction. Here's the funny part - Except for the few years I was on a ship, I have always been a closet dipper. But it wasn't the clothes closet, it was the water closet. That's right, the crapper. Since about 1995 no one has ever seen me with a dip in my mouth. And for that reason I never thought I was an addict. I could go hours without a dip (still can), but if I have to go to the bathroom, I lock myself in the bathroom, pop in a dip, catch the buzz, and flush it. Can you guess that as the years have progressed, my time on the crapper has expanded? My 2 kids, both boys, think I am crazy for taking so long in the bathroom. I think I might be crazy too. My wife of 20 years knows I do it, and has asked me to quit but has never pressured me. Let it be known, I'm not quitting for her, I'm quitting because I am tired of bad breath, my mouth feeling like crap, my anxiety about cancer, and my utter disgust with myself for wasting all that time (on the crapper), all that money, and all that energy hiding it. I am fully aware that I am an addict and will always crave that shit.
I have tried several times to quit, but because of my mental attachment to the bathroom, if I don't dip, I don't shit. Last week I went 2 days without dipping and it about killed me. And you know those dreams everyone talks about here? Holy moly, I had some doozies. And that was with just 50 hours under my belt! So, that said, I remain terrified that I can't do it. I know I sound awfully negative, but I think I'm going to need to eat an entire jar of Metimucil to kill the can.
I love how on this site everyone is hardcore and will beat your ass at every turn. I am the guy who needs that. In a supportive kind of way. Ha! Seriously, as much as it is internal to me, willpower and all, I still have determined that I need the support group to help me. And I look forward to your help. Anyone have a problem with me texting them from the stall at work? :)
Today I quit.
Nothing special about your addiction story and I know you can do it but I'm gonna pound you on one thing, you haven't posted roll yet. After lurking for a month you know posting roll is número uno! Get your head into a positive place that you can't fail.
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Hi Everyone,
Been lurking for about a month now, and am finally making the move. Why the wait? Honestly, I'm terrified...my brain spins thinking about not getting my nic. But here's my story (very similar to everyone's here I'm sure):
Been dipping for 25 years, started after college (Go GameCocks!) when the Navy sent me to sea, and there was nothing better than catching that buzz while I stood on watch tearing holes in the ocean. Copenhagen Long Cut drug of choice, eventually switching to Pouches. None of that minty flavor for me, straight up and the most expensive can on the market. Nothing but the best in addiction. Here's the funny part - Except for the few years I was on a ship, I have always been a closet dipper. But it wasn't the clothes closet, it was the water closet. That's right, the crapper. Since about 1995 no one has ever seen me with a dip in my mouth. And for that reason I never thought I was an addict. I could go hours without a dip (still can), but if I have to go to the bathroom, I lock myself in the bathroom, pop in a dip, catch the buzz, and flush it. Can you guess that as the years have progressed, my time on the crapper has expanded? My 2 kids, both boys, think I am crazy for taking so long in the bathroom. I think I might be crazy too. My wife of 20 years knows I do it, and has asked me to quit but has never pressured me. Let it be known, I'm not quitting for her, I'm quitting because I am tired of bad breath, my mouth feeling like crap, my anxiety about cancer, and my utter disgust with myself for wasting all that time (on the crapper), all that money, and all that energy hiding it. I am fully aware that I am an addict and will always crave that shit.
I have tried several times to quit, but because of my mental attachment to the bathroom, if I don't dip, I don't shit. Last week I went 2 days without dipping and it about killed me. And you know those dreams everyone talks about here? Holy moly, I had some doozies. And that was with just 50 hours under my belt! So, that said, I remain terrified that I can't do it. I know I sound awfully negative, but I think I'm going to need to eat an entire jar of Metimucil to kill the can.
I love how on this site everyone is hardcore and will beat your ass at every turn. I am the guy who needs that. In a supportive kind of way. Ha! Seriously, as much as it is internal to me, willpower and all, I still have determined that I need the support group to help me. And I look forward to your help. Anyone have a problem with me texting them from the stall at work? :)
Today I quit.
I too was a crapper dipper. Wasn't exclusive like you, but I never missed a chance to crap with a chew in.
Great decision to quit, and rest assured you will poop again. Have you posted roll in August? Those will be your quit brothers. Since you have been letting I am sure you get the gist of how this site works, but just to be sure know that by posting roll you are giving your word that under no circumstances (NONE!) will you use nicotine today. That's the easy part.
Remember the next couple of days - they are going to suck. Hopefully, they suck so bad that you never forget them and more importantly you never even consider going back and having to go through them again.
All that being said, drink water, eat some fruit, run, work out, read like crazy on this site, and most importantly reach out to your brothers. Get numbers. Get involved. Yell when it gets tough and lend a hand when you are strong.
Pm coming your way with my number - use it if you need anything. Damn glad to be quit with you!
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Dude. Our stories so similar, less how we started.
I recall not being able to poo, until I was able to score a log of Cope from the US Embassy in Egypt. I would pop one in after PT, shower, drop a deuce and all evidence.. Morning rituals. Then could work all day, and only need a dip after dinner before bed.
I started when my 17 year old babysitter thought it fun to give me, my 9 yo brother, and 7 year old sister Skoal, do twists in the yard then look to the sky.. It was so awesome, but probably set us up for a lifetime of extreme sports and danger..
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Dude. Our stories so similar, less how we started.
I recall not being able to poo, until I was able to score a log of Cope from the US Embassy in Egypt. I would pop one in after PT, shower, drop a deuce and all evidence.. Morning rituals. Then could work all day, and only need a dip after dinner before bed.
I started when my 17 year old babysitter thought it fun to give me, my 9 yo brother, and 7 year old sister Skoal, do twists in the yard then look to the sky.. It was so awesome, but probably set us up for a lifetime of extreme sports and danger..
Luna - LOL! Indeed, that buzz was so nice right? The buzz is long gone for me - I'm just ready to be done with it and everything that goes along with it...
Welcome to KTC - Glad to be in your quit group!
PS: On WESTPAC in '91 I paid one of my sailors 50 bucks for 3 cans of Cope his sister had sent him...like gold when stuck at sea for a while. Shit makes us fools in every way....
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Hey I want to say welcome and I'll be looking forward to quitting with you- but maybe not indulging in your sm ass beating needs so much. Kidding! Couldn't pass up the chance to get a jab in. You've made a great decision and have already been learning- keep it up and you'll get through this! It ain't easy but it is simple if you just follow the plan here. It can work out to be a lot of fun too!
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Funny. $50.
I just purchased my new survival kit, 1 can long cut, one can pouches, 4 cans various snus, 8 packs of sugarless gum...
When I was an Army Private, I used to sell the cope and skoal for $10 a can--1990! Being from MA, I was used to the $4.50 a can. In VA and NC it was $1.65! Money.
On my last couple tours as a field grade monkey, I'd donate cope, wet wipes, international calling cards, nutritional supplements, and the best of our care packages to any of the operators passing through or operating from our aerial port, as well as let them use our radios around the flight line. The Navy Seals, the Marine and AF combat controllers, Army SF, and many of the contractors were all top class pros, silent warriors, appreciative etc.. Two of the best were a Marine sniper and an AF combat Controller, both E-5, hair out of regs, on their second or third tour--they said it like it was, no B.S. I revet not getting names.
The regular infantry and rangers and airmen and support/non crit contractors were a pain in the ass and would tear crap up and deface everything with their sharpies, leave spit cans everywhere and god forbid you buy them pizza as you'll have all sorts of shite to police. The internationals were even worse, as they usually dump contraband in our amnesty boxes--pot, hash, cociane, nips of schnapps..
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I just purchased my new survival kit, 1 can long cut, one can pouches, 4 cans various snus, 8 packs of sugarless gum...
Survival kit?, sounds more like a death kit. That IS NOT QUIT.
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Hi Everyone,
Been lurking for about a month now, and am finally making the move. Why the wait? Honestly, I'm terrified...my brain spins thinking about not getting my nic. But here's my story (very similar to everyone's here I'm sure):
Been dipping for 25 years, started after college (Go GameCocks!) when the Navy sent me to sea, and there was nothing better than catching that buzz while I stood on watch tearing holes in the ocean. Copenhagen Long Cut drug of choice, eventually switching to Pouches. None of that minty flavor for me, straight up and the most expensive can on the market. Nothing but the best in addiction. Here's the funny part - Except for the few years I was on a ship, I have always been a closet dipper. But it wasn't the clothes closet, it was the water closet. That's right, the crapper. Since about 1995 no one has ever seen me with a dip in my mouth. And for that reason I never thought I was an addict. I could go hours without a dip (still can), but if I have to go to the bathroom, I lock myself in the bathroom, pop in a dip, catch the buzz, and flush it. Can you guess that as the years have progressed, my time on the crapper has expanded? My 2 kids, both boys, think I am crazy for taking so long in the bathroom. I think I might be crazy too. My wife of 20 years knows I do it, and has asked me to quit but has never pressured me. Let it be known, I'm not quitting for her, I'm quitting because I am tired of bad breath, my mouth feeling like crap, my anxiety about cancer, and my utter disgust with myself for wasting all that time (on the crapper), all that money, and all that energy hiding it. I am fully aware that I am an addict and will always crave that shit.
I have tried several times to quit, but because of my mental attachment to the bathroom, if I don't dip, I don't shit. Last week I went 2 days without dipping and it about killed me. And you know those dreams everyone talks about here? Holy moly, I had some doozies. And that was with just 50 hours under my belt! So, that said, I remain terrified that I can't do it. I know I sound awfully negative, but I think I'm going to need to eat an entire jar of Metimucil to kill the can.
I love how on this site everyone is hardcore and will beat your ass at every turn. I am the guy who needs that. In a supportive kind of way. Ha! Seriously, as much as it is internal to me, willpower and all, I still have determined that I need the support group to help me. And I look forward to your help. Anyone have a problem with me texting them from the stall at work? :)
Today I quit.
Try some of the non-dip dip. I bet it is some Pavlov deal, and a fake dip will help you drop it.
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Welcome cock. Certainly one of the sentences in life I never thought I would type. There's one guy on here that always has bananas fucking. Eventually you'll see. He scares me. Think you're on day 2. I swear those first few days it was an hour at the time. I'd watch the clock all day long talking myself into another 15 minutes, then 30 and so on. It's a real friggin internal battle. I gave up drinking and dipping knowing that would help. Not sure if you're a drinker as well, may want to consider it. Lack of alcohol and dip had my plumbing messed up for days. I'm still not back to my clockwork morning ritual but if that's all I have to give up to be dip free so be it.
What helped me through the early days the most? Reading this site, the intros so I could identify with those that quit. The HOF entries so I could feel and smell and want it. I looked at last month's quit group and all the smack talk. I didn't post at all other than roll. I couldn't think a logical thought much less put nouns and verbs together. No clue how I made it through those days without telling my boss. I'm like you, I need motivation. I told my wife to read the spouses page and to ask me how it's going and be involved. All this crap worked for me to make it to day 17 which has to seem light years away for you. The suck is the worst of times. We've all been there and made it through. You need anything shoot me a PM.
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GameCock,
While I do not share your choices of schools (Go CLEMSON) I do share your addiction and I got your back.
I dipped/chewed for 30 years...my trigger was breathing. Your story aint special here.
You will quit and you will stay quit.
The next few days will suck.
Post roll call every morning
Read..Read.Read...
Drink water until you cant drink anymore.
Exercise....
Buy into KTC
Go to the Chat room
Do whatever the F you need to do to quit.
You got all the support you need here so take it.
Kayakdude
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*deleted* wrong thread???
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I just purchased my new survival kit, 1 can long cut, one can pouches, 4 cans various snus, 8 packs of sugarless gum...
Survival kit?, sounds more like a death kit. That IS NOT QUIT.
Surely he's talking about fake shit????
I can only hope... but that doesn't sound like it.
TheWolfe - please clarify!
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Odd, somehow these last 2 posts in response to Luna2 are showing up on Gamecock01's intro thread.
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Odd, somehow these last 2 posts in response to Luna2 are showing up on Gamecock01's intro thread.
Looks like Luna2 posted in this thread. Anyway Luna2 looks lost as a mofo with all that cope survival list crap.
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Odd, somehow these last 2 posts in response to Luna2 are showing up on Gamecock01's intro thread.
Looks like Luna2 posted in this thread. Anyway Luna2 looks lost as a mofo with all that cope survival list crap.
Yes, Luna posted here, and I went back to his intro post and asked him about his survival kit. Maybe he addresses it in his intro?
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I just purchased my new survival kit, 1 can long cut, one can pouches, 4 cans various snus, 8 packs of sugarless gum...
Survival kit?, sounds more like a death kit. That IS NOT QUIT.
Surely he's talking about fake shit????
I can only hope... but that doesn't sound like it.
TheWolfe - please clarify!
I can't clarify Chewie. I didn't say it, I was calling him out on it.
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Checking in, let us know how you're doing today.
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Checking in, let us know how you're doing today.
Thanks Done4. Strangely enough I'm doing damn well. Headache has been my nemesis over the past 2 days, but in order to not give NIC any credit, I chalk it up to allergies. I think my lack of fog is due to my usage pattern. Like i said in the intro, I could go hours without dip, but the minute I needed to hit the can, I needed to hit the Cope can. I bought some jerky dip, and that shit made me laugh...especially since I have been a pouch guy for probably 10 years or more (total guess). I made a huge mess trying to get it into my mouth, had to laugh at myself. I've been drinking a ton of water, so I've actually had movement. (TMI, I know) But the jerky stuff has helped me with my routine. I've had cravings, but have managed to turn them away by moving onto something else.
My real challenge us coming up... I am moving to a new city in about 10 days and will be leaving my family M-F to start a new job. I am going to be living alone until the end of summer, and will have some boredom issues to deal with...right now I can grab one of my kids and say "Let's toss the football or frisbee" like I did yesterday when I had a craving. I DO NOT want to cave, and can't imagine myself having to come in here and tell you guys I failed. As a retired military guy, I know the value of a team, and I want to remain on this one.
Appreciate you checking in, I've been surfing the site a lot...its helpful. Evil Won's intro thread and HOF speech are epic...some good shit on here.
I'll keep you posted.
GameCock
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Checking in, let us know how you're doing today.
Thanks Done4. Strangely enough I'm doing damn well. Headache has been my nemesis over the past 2 days, but in order to not give NIC any credit, I chalk it up to allergies. I think my lack of fog is due to my usage pattern. Like i said in the intro, I could go hours without dip, but the minute I needed to hit the can, I needed to hit the Cope can. I bought some jerky dip, and that shit made me laugh...especially since I have been a pouch guy for probably 10 years or more (total guess). I made a huge mess trying to get it into my mouth, had to laugh at myself. I've been drinking a ton of water, so I've actually had movement. (TMI, I know) But the jerky stuff has helped me with my routine. I've had cravings, but have managed to turn them away by moving onto something else.
My real challenge us coming up... I am moving to a new city in about 10 days and will be leaving my family M-F to start a new job. I am going to be living alone until the end of summer, and will have some boredom issues to deal with...right now I can grab one of my kids and say "Let's toss the football or frisbee" like I did yesterday when I had a craving. I DO NOT want to cave, and can't imagine myself having to come in here and tell you guys I failed. As a retired military guy, I know the value of a team, and I want to remain on this one.
Appreciate you checking in, I've been surfing the site a lot...its helpful. Evil Won's intro thread and HOF speech are epic...some good shit on here.
I'll keep you posted.
GameCock
Hey bro you might have some boredom and lonliness to deal with when you move-- and the nicbitch seems to already be whispering in your ear about that, hinting that she'll keep you company. Plan ahead. AND do a little focus shift- notice how free you're feeling not hitting the pocket to make sure the can is there, not having to worry about spitting, not having to worry about dosing, etc-- already, this early in your quit. And it gets much better!
When you are away, sure you will miss your family--- and you'll still be free of the big albatross around your neck of feeding your addiction! Time on this site is one good thing to do when you're away. Of course there's walking around and exploring the new town too, and all other sorts of things. Main thing is, it's going to be so much better for you free of the binds that have held you down for years. Enjoy that! By that time in your quit, you'll be getting more and more tastes of freedom too- you will have earned them.
Proud to quit with you!
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Thanks BrettLees. Had some serious cravings this evening, but got thru them (although they are still kinda there....)
I do have a lot of plans to do things with my new found time....Not hiding on the crapper to dip gives me back probably 2 hours a day - and that is no lie...how fucking sad is that? WTF was I thinking? Oh, that's right, I wasn't....
I've got a couple of numbers from guys here, so I've got some firepower at my disposal against the NicBitch. ODAAT is awesome. And that is how I am living right now. But as you mentioned in your post.... I do need to plan ahead... And I will. Gotta learn the area before the family gets there, so that will be a huge focus. And I'm already on here a couple of times a day, and will continue that as much as I can...
Thanks for your post, and your support.
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Crapper time, that is how my wife knew I had lost on my many prior stoppages! 5 minutes, stopped with chew, 45 minutes, chewing. So we have kind of a built in support crew in that aspect alone! Proud to be quit with you GameCock!
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6 days. You are kicking some serious nic ass! Hang in there. It gets better.
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6 days. You are kicking some serious nic ass! Hang in there. It gets better.
Thanks Done4.
I actually went in a C store for the first time since my quit today. I didn't even look at the Cope rack (usually my first check upon entering the store so I could see if I could add a can to my gas purchase....my way of hiding the addiction).
I don't even know if they had any in the rack....never checked. Makes me feel like a bad ass! (That in itself is kinda lame.... But after 25 years of that routine, it feels good to get away from it.) The support in here is sick. I want to do this, and everybody here wants me to do it too.
Note to my mom: If everybody jumps off this bridge, then hell yes, I'm jumping right with them. Every last one of them.
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I've looked around but have missed the answer to this question: what the heck is 2nd floor, 3rd floor, etc? What milestones do the floors represent? Thx
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I've looked around but have missed the answer to this question: what the heck is 2nd floor, 3rd floor, etc? What milestones do the floors represent? Thx
Each floor is another hundred days. 10th floor would be hitting the comma.
You're up to double digits now. I know you feel great and are proud of your commitment to quit. Keep posting roll and stay on the site when you transition to the new city without the family.
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I've looked around but have missed the answer to this question: what the heck is 2nd floor, 3rd floor, etc? What milestones do the floors represent? Thx
Each floor is another hundred days. 10th floor would be hitting the comma.
You're up to double digits now. I know you feel great and are proud of your commitment to quit. Keep posting roll and stay on the site when you transition to the new city without the family.
Thanks Done4. Hitting the comma sounds sweet!
I'll be here, even through my transition next week. Sorry to see it's been a tough week for you, but glad to see you hangin strong.
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I've looked around but have missed the answer to this question: what the heck is 2nd floor, 3rd floor, etc? What milestones do the floors represent? Thx
Each floor is another hundred days. 10th floor would be hitting the comma.
You're up to double digits now. I know you feel great and are proud of your commitment to quit. Keep posting roll and stay on the site when you transition to the new city without the family.
Thanks Done4. Hitting the comma sounds sweet!
I'll be here, even through my transition next week. Sorry to see it's been a tough week for you, but glad to see you hangin strong.
Keep it up brother. Just win each new day. That us the key. It will get very good before long. But for now just win each new today.